Prelude

(Oz's room. All his stuff still remains. Willow is 
walking around, then sits on his bed, bringing one of his shirts to her face and 
smelling it. Cut to UC Sunnydale student lounge. Buffy is walking through and 
sees Riley, who is hanging a banner that reads, "UC Sunnydale Lesbian 
Alliance")

Girl: Hey, thanks Riley.

(Riley climbs down off the 
ladder, taking a look. Buffy walks up behind him)

Riley: Looks good. 
(Notices Buffy) Oh, hey Buffy.

Buffy: (Jokingly) Is there something you 
want to tell me?

Riley: What? 

(Buffy looks towards the banner. 
Riley does the same, catching on)

Riley: Oh, yes — I am a lesbian. 


Buffy: Well, it's good that you're so open about it.

(He smiles 
and they head off through the lounge)

Riley: Oh, hey, you know how we 
were talking about having a picnic? I was thinkin' — do you ever hang out at 
Rhode's field? It's beautiful there. Usually not that crowded, either. I thought 
maybe we could have a little spread — sandwiches, maybe some ants? It'll be 
fun.

Buffy: We were talking about having a picnic?

Riley: So, was 
that a conversation I actually had, or one I was just practicing? 

Buffy: 
Practicing?

Riley: Okay, yes — I have been known to do a little prep work 
before our conversations. It's not easy, you know, talking to you sometimes. 
It's like an oral exam.

Buffy: Boy.. that's just what every girl longs to 
hear.

Riley: Well, you're tricky!

Buffy: Like an 
exam?

Riley: I never know how you're going to react to something. That's 
why I like you so much. You're a mystery. Probably every beautiful girl in the 
world has some jerk telling her she's a mystery, but.. I swear. You really are. 
There's a lot about you that needs puzzling out. 

(Buffy's just staring 
at him with this whistful look in her eyes)

Riley: I loose you 
somewhere?

Buffy: Right around.. beautiful.

(He smiles 
shyly)

Riley: Hey — don't you just love a picnic?

(Cut to the 
graveyard. Willow and Buffy are patrolling)

Buffy: It's just, different, 
you know? A picnic. First of all, daylight — kind of a new venue, Buffywise. And 
the best part — he said he would bring all the food, so all I have to do was to 
show up and eat. Those are two things I'm really good at.

Willow: So he's 
nice?

Buffy: Very, very. 

Willow: And there's 
sparkage?

Buffy: Yeah. He's— have you seen his arms? Those are good arms 
to have. I really like him. I do. 

Willow: But..?

Buffy: I don't 
know. I really like being around him, you know? And I think he cares about me.. 
but.. I just.. feel like something's missing. 

Willow: He's not making 
you miserable?

Buffy: Exactly. Riley seems so solid. Like he wouldn't 
cause me heartache. 

Willow: (Fake worry) Get out. Get out while there's 
still time. 

Buffy: I know.. I have to get away from that bad boy thing. 
There's no good there. Seeing Angel in LA.. even for five minutes.. hello to the 
pain.

Willow: The pain is not a friend.

Buffy: But I can't help 
thinking — isn't that where the fire comes from? Can a nice, safe relationship 
be that intense? I know it's nuts, but.. part of me believes that real love and 
passion have to go hand in hand with pain and fighting.

(Suddenly a 
vampire jumps out from behind a bush. Buffy stakes him without so much as 
looking the other way. He crumbles to dust and she and Willow continue on their 
way) 

Buffy: I wonder where I get that from.

OPENING 
CREDITS

(Cut to Giles' bathroom. Buffy is sitting on the end of the 
bathtub in which Spike is chained up)

Buffy: (Exasperated) So..you saw 
their faces but you can't describe them.

Spike: (Playing coy) Well, they 
were human. Two eyes each, kind of in the middle. 

Buffy: Uh huh. And the 
lab?

Spike: Underground. I came out through an air vent. I don't know 
exactly where. I'm done. Put the telly on. 

(Giles enters, carrying a mug 
that reads "Kiss the Librarian" with a straw protruding from it. It contains 
blood)

Spike: It's about time. Hope you got it warm enough. 


(Giles hands it to Buffy without saying a word. She takes it, sighs, and 
makes a face as she puts it close enough to Spike that he can suck through the 
straw. He makes a big to do out of it, so as to disgust her more.)

Spike: 
I don't know why you're so dainty all of a sudden. You've done this for Angel — 
you must have. 

(Buffy pulls the mug away, leaving Spike with the straw 
dangling from between his lips) 

Spike: Hey! Give it!

Buffy: Okay, 
that's it. The invalid amnesiac routine is over. The kitchen is closed until you 
can tell me something useful about the commandos.

Spike: I'm tryin' to 
remember. It was very traumatic. 

Buffy: How long are you going to pull 
this crap?

Spike: How long am I going to live once I tell 
you?

Giles: Look, look, Spike — we have no intention of killing a 
harmless.. uh, creature.. but we have to know what's been done to you. We can't 
let you go until we're sure that you're .. impotent — 

Spike: 
Hey!

Giles: Sorry, poor choice of words. Until we're sure you're, 
you're..

Buffy: Flaccid?

Spike: You are one step away, 
missy.

Buffy: (Sarcastically) Giles, help! He's going to scold 
me.

(Spike growls, trying to grab Buffy, but the chains hold him and only 
make his struggles comical)

Buffy: You know what? I don't think you want 
us to let you go. Maybe we made it a little too comfy in here for 
ya.

Spike: Comfy? I'm chained in a bathtub drinkin' pig's blood from a 
novelty mug. Doesn't rank huge in the Zagut's Guide. 

Buffy: You want 
something nicer? (She leans her head to the side, exposing her throat to him) A 
look at my.. poor neck? All bare and tender and exposed.. all that blood just .. 
pumping away..

(Spike, by this time, is all but licking his 
lips)

Giles: Oh, please.

Spike: Giles, make her 
stop.

(Giles walks out of the bathroom and into the living room, speaking 
to Willow who's reading through some books)

Giles: If those two don't 
kill eachother, I might lend a hand.

Willow: What about a truth spell? 
I'm not positive it would work on a vampire, but we could try. Make him fess 
up?

Giles: A truth spell, of course. Why didn't I think of that? 


Willow: ‘Cause you had your hands full with the undead English 
Patient?

(She hands Giles the book she was reading)

Giles: Yes.. 
We'll have a go.

Willow: Looks pretty simple. I'll stop by the magick 
shop tomorrow. 

Giles: Excellent. 

Willow: Alright. I'll be back 
in the morning with donuts and motherwort. Bye, Buffy! I'll see you at 
home.

Buffy: Bye!

Giles: Great. Thank you, Willow.

(Willow 
heads out and Giles heads back to the bathroom, where Buffy is once again 
feeding Spike through the straw)

Giles: Um, Willow may have had a very 
helpful idea. She seems to be coping better with Oz's departure, don't you 
think?

Buffy: She still has a way to go, but yeah — I think she's 
dealing.

Spike: What, are you people blind? She's hangin' on by a thread. 
Any ninny can see that.

(Cut to Oz's room. It's completely bare. Willow 
enters and stops, looking around, surprised. Cut to Buffy and Willow's dorm 
room. Buffy is sitting on her bed and Willow is in her pajamas under the covers 
of her's, crying)

Willow: Devon said that he sent for his stuff. I guess 
that means he's planning on settling down somewhere.. else. Not here. 


Buffy: I guess so..

Willow: I feel like I've been split down the 
center and half of me is lost.

Buffy: I know. It feels like that 
now..

Willow: Oz is gone.

(Cut to an aerial view of Sunnydale. Cut 
to Giles' bathroom where Spike is reaching desperately for the TV, with no 
success)

Spike: (Yells) Come on, now! It's telly time! 

(Giles is 
on the phone. The answering machine for Buffy and Willow picks 
up)

Machine: "This is Buffy and Willow. We're not in right now, so please 
leave a message." 

Giles: Oh, uh, Willow.. It's Giles. Um.. I thought you 
were bringing the ingredients for that spell? I really have to— 

Spike: 
(v.o.) "Passions" is on! Timmy's down the bloody well, and if you make me miss 
it, I'll— 

Giles: (Yells to Spike) You'll do what? Lick me to 
death?

(Cut to Spike, pissed off. He tries to break the chain, but to no 
avail. Cut back to Giles)

Giles: Look, uh.. Willow.. I think we ought to 
try the spell. Among other things, I'd like to shower sometime today. Alone. 


(He hangs up. Cut to Spike, sighing exasperated in the tub. Cut to Buffy 
and Riley at their picnic)

Buffy: Driving.

Riley: 
Yeah.

Buffy: You seriously drive for fun.

Riley: Well, not 
four-wheeling or anything, but yeah. Don't you?

Buffy: Actually, 
no-wheeling is more my specialty. I'm an avid pedestrian.

Riley: You're 
kidding, right? I mean, you know how to drive..

Buffy: Well, I took the 
class.. Cars and Buffy are, like .. un-mixy things.

Riley: It's just 
because you haven't had a good experience yet. You can have the best time in a 
car. It's not about getting somewhere. You have to take your time. Forget about 
everything. Just.. relax. Let it wash over you. The air.. motion.. Just, let it 
roll. 

(The air between them has shifted, the situation has become more 
intense)

Buffy: We are talking about driving, right?

Riley: 
Thought I was.

(They share a moment, which Riley snaps out 
of)

Riley: I'm taking you. Some night when it's warm. Up past the 
vineyards — it's going to change everything for you.

Buffy: I'm 
in.

(Willow comes wandering up, all downcast.)

Riley: Hey, 
Willow.

(Willow mearly smiles in response)

Buffy: Hey. 


Willow: I interrupted. You've got apples. My mist. 

(She turns to 
go)

Riley: Wait. Sit. There's plenty to go around. 

(She smiles 
softly and joins them)

Buffy: Did something happen? Is something 
wrong?

Willow: No.. Everything's fine. Same. 

Buffy: 
Oh.

Willow: Your apples are turning brown, the way they do.

Riley: 
Yeah, I guess they do that.

Buffy: Yeah.

Willow: Yeah.

(Cut 
to The Bronze. Swinging, as usual. Anya, Xander, and Buffy share a 
table)

Xander: Geez, you mean Oz just sent for his stuff and didn't even 
call her? That's pretty harsh.

Anya: I only wish I had my powers back. 
I'd liquify his entrails for her. 

Xander: That's sweet. God, poor Will. 
No wonder she's— 

(Cut to Willow, dancing up a storm on the dance 
floor)

Xander: —having a wonderful time. 

Buffy: Wow. Way to 
re-bound.

Xander: I believe that's the dance of a brave little 
toaster.

(Willow sees them and walks over to the table, just as happy as 
can be)

Willow: Hey, guys! C'mon! This music's great! 

Xander: 
It's nice to see you brought your boogie shoes tonight, Will. 

Willow: 
Yeah.. I-I know I've been sort of a party-poop lately, so I said to myself, 
"Self!" I said, "It's time to shake and shimmy it off." 

Buffy: Sounds 
like a good policy.

Willow: Yeah! And it works, too. You know, I figure, 
in the grand scheme of things, we're all just— 

(Willow grabs her jacket 
and from underneath it falls a bottle of beer, it's contents foaming 
out)

Buffy: Drunk..?

(Willow laughs and picks up the 
bottle)

Willow: Drunk.. I mean, that's such a-a strong word. Kind of a 
guttural Anglo-Saxon word. Drunk. 

Xander: Will, not loving the drowning 
of the sorrows.

Willow: Not drowning — wading. A-a-and.. See? (She points 
to the beer bottle) Light. No big.

Buffy: No big? Anyone remember when 
Buffy had the fun beer-fest and went one-million years B.C.? 

Xander: 
Sadly without the fuzzy bikini..

Anya: Off topic, Xander. 

Xander: 
Right. Topic now. (He gets up and walks to Willow) Will, how about you give me 
that beer?

Willow: No! Why should I? I've got pain, here — big-time 
legitimate pain. 

Xander: We all have pain, Will.

Willow: Oh, like 
what? "Oh, poor me.. I live in a basement." Yeah, that's dire.

(Xander, 
offended, just shakes his head and walks back to the table. Buffy stands and 
takes Willow's arm)

Buffy: Okay, you know what? That's it — I'm taking 
you home. 

Willow: (Pulls her arm away) No, I don't want 
to.

Buffy: Well, you'll thank me when you still have a friend in the 
morning. 

Willow: I just can't stand feeling this way. I want it to be 
over.

Buffy: It will. I promise. But it's gonna take time.

Willow: 
Well, that's not good enough.

Buffy: I know. It's just how it is. You 
have to go through the pain.

Willow: Well, isn't there someway I can just 
make it go away? Just ‘cause I say so? Can't I just make it go 
‘poof'?

(Buffy just looks at her. Cut to Buffy and Willow's dorm. Amy the 
rat is still with us. Buffy is asleep. Willow creeps out of bed and opens the 
trunk containing all her spell components. Cut to the bathroom. Willow has a 
circle of red candles surrounding her, an incense censer, a bowl/pentacle in 
front of her, a goblet of sorts, and three trays containing herbs and such. She 
is sitting in the middle)

Willow: Harken all ye elements, I summon thee 
now. (She drops something into the bowl/pentacle in front of her.) Control the 
outside, control within. Land and sea, fire and wind. Out of my passions, a web 
be spun. From this eve forth, my will be done. So mote it be. 

(She pours 
from the goblet into the bowl/pentacle. A flicker of electricity connect her to 
the candles and all of the flames rise high, signifying the spell's success. Cut 
to the dorm room the next morning. Buffy is gone. Willow is looking at herself 
in a mirror.)

Willow: It is my will that my heart be healed. Now. (She 
sighs and puts the mirror down when nothing happens. Picks up the spellbook) I 
will that this book speak it's words to me. (She sighs again, putting the book 
down when nothing happens. She picks up a bent Q-Tip) I will that this Q-Tip 
gets.. unbendy..?

(There's a knock at the door)

Willow: Come 
in.

(Giles enters, looking slightly worried)

Willow: Giles, what 
are you doing here?

Giles: I'm.. a bit concerned about you, 
actually.

Willow: Did Buffy tell you about the beer, 
'cause..

Giles: Uh, Buffy didn't tell me anything..

Willow: Oh, 
well.. forget the beer part, then.

Giles: Happily. I came because we had 
an appointment the other day.. 

Willow: Oh.. Right, right.. The truth 
spell. 

Giles: Yes, um.. Willow.. I know that you're going through a very 
difficult time.. But, sherking your responsibilities— 

Willow: But.. I 
didn't — sherk. I.. Did the research, and I picked up the motherwort, I just 
forgot the doing the spell part. 

Giles: Well, that isn't like you at 
all. 

Willow: I know. I-I've been off. I-I even tried to do a spell last 
night. To have my will done? I was hoping it would make me feel better. But it 
just went ka-blooey.

Giles: A spell? I don't think it's wise for you to 
be doing that alone right now. Your energy's too unfocused. 

Willow: 
Well, that's not true. I said I was off, not incompetent. 

Giles: I only 
meant that you're grieving, and it might be wise if you took a break from doing 
spells without supervision. 

Willow: So I get punished ‘cause I'm in 
pain? 

Giles: It's not punishment. I'm only saying this because I— 


Willow: Oh, you care. Yeah. Everybody cares. Nobody wants to be 
inconvenienced. You all want me to take the time and go through the pain, as 
long as you don't have to hear about it anymore. 

Giles: No, that's not 
fair.

Willow: Isn't it? ‘Cause I'm doing the best I can and it doesn't 
seem to be enough for you guys.

Giles: And I see how you could feel that 
way, I do— 

Willow: No, you don't. You say that you do, but you don't see 
anything.

(Her eyes take on a strange blue gleam as she speaks the words. 
Giles removes his glasses, suddenly finding his vision a bit 
blurred)

Giles: Um.. Oh, sorry.. Um, sorry. P-perhaps I'd better be 
going. Let's um, let's talk about this later.

(He leaves, walking down 
the hall in a bit of a daze. He runs into a student)

Giles: Oh! I'm 
sorry.. So sorry.

(He puts his glasses back on, quite confused with what 
is happening. Cut to Spike and Giles in Giles' living room. Spike is still 
chained up, but sitting on the floor. Giles is walking around him, holding a 
bundle of burning herbs and reading from a book)

Giles: Elobe, enemy, be 
now, quiet. 

Spike: You know.. not too keen about this spell stuff. Tends 
to be a bit unpredictable.

Giles: Yes, well, you might have thought about 
that sooner. Um.. (Continues reading) Let your decietful tongue be.. (Has 
trouble with he words) Be.. Uh.. Let no.. Untruths.. Be spoken..

(He's 
having a very hard time making out the words now. He gets frustrated and sets 
the book down, taking out a handkerchief and cleaning his glasses. Spike, who 
has been watching this cautiously, glances down and sees the key to the chains 
by Giles' feet. He slowly reaches for it with his boot)

Spike: Hey, 
what's that all about?

Giles: Hm? Oh, nothing. I just got ash in my 
eye.

Spike: Well, I won't have you doin' mojo on me if you can't read 
properly. You might turn me into a stink beetle or what all.

Giles: 
T'would be a generous ending for you, Spike.

(Spike grabs the key and 
unlocks himself. He jumps up, pushes Giles out of the way, and runs out the 
door. Cut to Willow and Buffy's dorm. Willow is playing with Amy the rat on her 
bed)

Willow: I mean, I'm going through something. I just don't see why he 
was getting down on me. 

Buffy: Giles just worries. Spells can be 
dangerous. It doesn't mean he thinks you're a bad witch.

Willow: I am a 
bad witch.

Buffy: No, you're a good witch.

Willow: I'm not kidding 
anyone. If I had any real power, I could have made Oz stay with me. 


Buffy: Will, you wouldn't have wanted him to have stayed— 


Willow: And I didn't have the guts to do the spell on Veruca, and my "I 
Will it So" spell went nowhere. The only real witch here is fuzzy little Amy. 


Buffy: I think you're being a too hard on yourself.

Willow: She's 
got access to powers I can't even invoke. I mean, first — she's a perfectly 
normal girl..

(Rat morphs to naked Amy on Willow's bed. Amy smiles 
excitedly.)

Willow: Then poof — she's a rat.

(Amy morphs back into 
a rat)

Willow: I could never do something like that.

(The phone 
rings. Buffy answers it)

Buffy: Hello? Uhh.. I'll be right there. (Hangs 
up) Spike escaped.

Willow: A-and you're going? Now?

Buffy: Sorry — 
duty thing.

Willow: Well, I mean, what's the rush? Spike can't hurt 
anyone, right? And I figured since I'm kinda grievey, would could, uh..you know, 
have a girl's night. We could eat sundaes and watch Steel Magnolias and you can 
tell me how, at least I don't have diabetes.

Buffy: Will, I can't hang 
out with you until I get Spike back to Giles, you know that. Okay, I'll be back 
as soon as I can. I promise. 

Willow: I don't see the big. He's probably 
just standing out there. You could find him in two seconds..

(Her eyes do 
the blue glow thing again. Cut to Spike standing outside, looking around 
confused. Buffy sees him and looks confused herself.)

Buffy: Thought that 
was gonna take longer.

Spike: Me too. Musta got.. turned 
around..

(He searches about for something, searching the ground with his 
eyes)

Spike: Hang.. hang on, this— this is it. Wait.. no.. yes. 


Buffy: What are you talking about?

Spike: The lab. Commando lab. 
The door was right here where I escaped. 

(He gestures to the ground 
which is covered with grass, no sign of a door of any kind. Just a 
lawn.)

Buffy: (Incredulous) I don't think so.

(Spike falls to his 
hands and knees, tearing at the ground)

Spike: Open up! I'm gonna kill 
you! 

Buffy: Spike, there's nothing there. 

Spike: Let me in! 
(Dejected) Fix me..

Buffy: Okay, drop the act..

(She grabs him by 
the arm, but he pushes her away)

Spike: Get off! 

Buffy: Okay, 
that's it— I'm gonna gag you.

(He punches her in the nose, then yells in 
pain. She punches him back in the nose; he yells in pain again. Cut to Giles in 
his bathroom. He's putting drops in his eyes. Buffy and Spike come barging in 
through the front door, Spike once again tied up)

Spike: Hey! Watch it! 


Buffy: One more word out of you, and I swear..

Spike: Swear, 
what? You're not gonna do anything to me. You don't got the 
stones.

Buffy: Oh, I got the stones. I got a whole bunch of .. stones. 


Spike: Yeah? You're all talk.

Buffy: GILES! I accidentally killed 
Spike. That's okay, right?

(Cut to bathroom. Giles is 
distracted)

Giles: Uh..uh..um.. Just a minute..

(Cut to Xander's 
basement. Willow's pacing back and forth, complaining about Buffy. Xander sits 
idly by and listens)

Willow: I mean, I'm going through something. You'd 
think every once in awhile Buffy would make best friends a priority. 


Xander: You know, Will, it's not like she could just let Spike go. 


(Cut to Giles' living room. Buffy slams Spike down into a 
chair)

Spike: (Sneering) I get this spell reversed, they'll be finding 
your body for weeks. 

Buffy: Oh, make a move — please. I'm dying for a 
good slay.

(They glare at eachother. Cut back to Xander's 
basement)

Willow: Spike's more important than me. I get it. 


Xander: Buffy's gotta find out what's up with those commandos. Right now 
she needs Spike.

Willow: Well, fine. Why doesn't so just go marry 
him?

(Willow's eyes go blue-glowy. Cut to Giles' apartment. Giles comes 
out of the bathroom)

Giles: If the two of you could remain civil long 
enough to— 

(Cut to Buffy sitting in the chair Spike was once occupying, 
Spike on his knees in front of her, holding her hand)

Buffy: It's just so 
sudden. I don't know what to say.

Spike: Just say yes, and make me the 
happiest man on earth.

Buffy: Oh, Spike! Of course it's yes! 


(They embrace and kiss and it's overall mushy. Giles walks forward and 
takes off his glasses, quite baffled by the whole thing. Buffy sees 
Giles)

Buffy: Giles! You'll never believe what's happened!

(Buffy 
holds up her now ringed ring-finger. Giles just stares like he's gone crazy. Cut 
to Xander's basement.)

Willow: It's just not fair.

Xander: Willow, 
I know it's hard to see it right now, but everything you're feeling is because 
of you and Oz. Not because of Buffy and me or anybody. But eventually you'll 
meet somebody else, and it'll be better. 

Willow: Yeah, ‘cause most 
relationships are great and trouble-free. I don't think so. I think we're all 
doomed to badness.

Xander: We're not doomed.

Willow: Oh, yeah? 
Let's-let's look at your bio. Insect Lady, Mummy Girl, Anya.. You're a demon 
magnet. 

Xander: I was just trying to help.

(Cut to Gile's 
apartment. Giles is on the phone, talking to Willow's machine)

Giles: 
Willow, it's-it's me. Something's happened. I need your help. I can't see very 
well. Everything's blurred. (He grabs the scotch) I'm certain it's a spell of 
some kind, because.. well..it seems something else is going wrong..

(Cut 
to Buffy bring Spike a mug of blood. She sits on his lap)

Buffy: Here you 
go .. 98.6. (They kiss)

Giles: .. horribly wrong.

Buffy: There's 
so much to decide. Ceremony, guests, reception..

Spike: Well, first thing 
I'd say, we're not having a church wedding.

Buffy: How 'bout a daytime 
ceremony. In the park.

Spike: Fabulous. Enjoy your honeymoon with the big 
pile of dust.

Buffy: Under the trees. Indirect sunlight, 
only.

(Giles makes his way carefully into the living room, glass of 
scotch in hand. He takes a seat on the couch)

Spike: Warm breeze tosses 
the leaves aside, and again — you're registering as Mr and Mrs 
Big-Pile-of-Dust.

Buffy: Stop it! This is our wedding and you're treating 
it like a big joke!

Spike: Oh, pouty! Look at that lip.. gonna get it.. 
gonna get it..

(She giggles and they kiss and such)

Buffy: 
(Playfully) Oh.. stop..

Giles: Yes, please stop.

(Giles takes a 
good swig of his drink. Buffy holds her hand out in Giles' direction) 


Buffy: Giles, did you see my ring?

Giles: Thankfully, not very 
well. 

(Giles leans back and rubs his eyes. Buffy gets up from Spike's 
lap and goes to sit beside Giles)

Buffy: I'm not crazy, and I know that 
you probably don't approve, and my father's not that far away, I mean, he could— 
but this day is about family — my real family — and I would like you to be the 
one to give me away.

Giles: (Touched) Oh, Buffy! That's.. that's so.. 
(Comes to his senses) Oh! For God's sake! This is nonsense. Something is making 
you act this way. Don't you realize what you're doing?

(She smiles and 
looks back at Spike)

Buffy: Living a dream. 

Giles: He's gonna 
have to take a bit of time to get used to it, pet. 

Buffy: they all will. 
(She turns back to Giles) But you guys wern't crazy about Angel at first, 
either.

(Spike gets upset)

Spike: You wern't gonna say that name. 


Buffy: Sorry. Why don't we talk about where we're going to register. 


Spike: Well, where would Angel like to register? And can we have the 
photographer Angel would've wanted? And, flowers Angel would have 
liked?

Buffy: (Stands) Hey! You think I don't live with the shadow of 
Drusilla over my head? That I'm not wondering if you're going to be thinking of 
her on our honeymoon when you're making.. sweet love to me..?

(She walks 
to Spike and sits in his lap. They, you guessed it, kiss. Giles reaches for his 
glass of scotch, knocking it to the floor.)

Buffy: Giles are you 
okay?

Giles: I rather think not. I seem to be rather.. rather.. blind. 
Completely, in fact. 

(Buffy walks over to him, concerned)

Buffy: 
What? How could this happen?

(She waves her hand in front of his face. 
Spike stands and walks to the bookshelf)

Giles: A spell, I 
believe.

Buffy: Well, we'll fix it. Don't worry.

Spike: What you 
want is a general reversal spell. Gonna need supplies. 

Giles: Are you.. 
helping me?

Spike: Well, it's almost like you're my father-in-law, 
in'nt?

Buffy: See? This is how it's gonna be. Spike'll even take care of 
you while I'm at the magick shop.

(Buffy stands and walks to Spike who 
takes her in his arms)

Buffy: From now on, we're a family.

(They— 
you know the drill. Giles gets all panicky. He stands and wobbles his way to the 
kitchen) 

Giles: That's alright. I have more scotch.

(Cut to Buffy 
exiting the magick shop. She stops in the middle of the street, staring at a 
window display of a beautiful wedding gown. She walks over to it, memorized. In 
the background, we see Riley walking by. He sees her and walks up)

Riley: 
Hey, Buffy. What's up?

(Buffy turns back, staring at the 
dress)

Buffy: Riley, look — aren't they beautiful?

Riley: Um, 
yeah.. they're nice. A little dressy, maybe.. for school, but..

(Buffy 
walks towards him)

Buffy: Riley..

Riley: Buffy?

Buffy: I 
really like you. I hope you know that you mean a lot to me, and if things were 
different— 

Riley: Different than what?

(She takes his hand. He 
looks rightly confused)

Buffy: I want you to promise me that we can 
always be friends, and I'd really like you to be there on "The Day". 


Riley: The day when..

Buffy: The wedding!

Riley: The 
wedding. What wedding?

Buffy: My wedding! I'm getting married — can you 
believe it?

Riley: I don't think "no" is a strong enough 
word.

Buffy: I know! It's crazy! I mean, we fought for all these years, 
and then.. Sometimes you just look at someone, and you know.. You 
know?

Riley: No..

Buffy: I think maybe we fought because we 
couldn't admit how we really felt about eachother.

Riley: (Confused) Can 
we start again?

Buffy: You'll really like him. Well, nobody really likes 
him..

Riley: I just need to clear a few things up..

Buffy: I don't 
even really like him..

Riley: Buffy..

Buffy: But.. I love him. I 
do.

Riley: Who?

Buffy: What?

Riley: What's his 
name?

Buffy: Who?

Riley: The groom.

Buffy: 
Spike!

Riley: That's a name?

Buffy: Don't be mad.

Riley: 
I'm not mad!

Buffy: No, you are mad!

Riley: No, I am! Er.. I 
really.. Wow. Who is this guy? Does he go here?

Buffy: Spike? (Laughs) 
Oh, no.. He's totally old. 

Riley: Old.

Buffy: Well, not as old as 
my last boyfriend was.

Riley: (Befuddled) Okay.. It's late.. and I'm, I'm 
very tired now. So, I'm just gonna go far away and be.. away.

Buff: But— 


Riley: No, stay. 

(Riley walks off, looking extremely confused. 
Buffy just stands there, watching him go, a forlorn look on her 
face)

Buffy: You're ruining my happy day.

(Cut to Xander's 
basement)

Xander: That's okay, mom — we don't need anymore 
snacks.

Anya: I liked those fruit roll-ups.

Xander: Shush, I 
thought she'd never clear out. Besides, just think of my lips as, the fruit 
roll-ups of love. (Pause) Okay, that was gross. I'm a little distracted. Willow 
was really upset. I shouldn't have let her go away mad.

(Anya grabs him 
and kisses him hard)

Xander: Regaining focus.

Anya: We just got 
rid of your mom. Let's not bring Willow into this. It's time for just the two of 
us. 

(They kiss and fall down on the bed. Suddenly, a demon busts through 
the side door. They jump up. Xander runs at the demon and it tosses him aside. 
Anya goes after it with a bat, but it grabs the bat from her. Xander jumps back 
up, grabs his clothesline and tries to strangle the thing.)

Anya: No, no, 
it's a Pargo demon! Drowning it's the only way to kill it!

(They drag the 
thing over to the sink, shoving it's head under water. As soon as the demon 
drowns, another busts through the window above the sink)

Xander: What the 
hell is going on?!

(Xander grabs Anya and they run off. Cut to Giles' 
apartment. Buffy is holding the cake topper— a man and a woman, both blonde— and 
walking them up Spike's arm, humming the wedding march.) 

Buffy: Duh dum, 
da-da.. Duh dum, da-da, duh dum da da dum da da dum da da..

(Giles is 
laying on the couch, a towel over his eyes)

Giles: So the plan is to cure 
my total, incapacitating blindness .. tomorrow.

Buffy: (Unconcerned) They 
were all out of Tagas Root at the magick shop. They'll have more tomorrow. I'm 
completely on top of it.

(Looks to Spike, holding the figurines 
up)

Buffy: Aren't they a perfect little us?

Spike: I don't like 
him. He's insipid. Clearly human. 

Buffy: Oo, red paint. We could smear a 
little on his mouth — blood of the innocent..

Spike: That's my 
girl..

(He grabs the back of her head and pulls her into a 
kiss)

Giles: Stop that right now! I can hear the smacking. 

(Buffy 
and Spike stop. Buffy sets the figurines down and picks up a notebook from the 
table) 

Buffy: Honey, we need to talk about the invitations. Now, do you 
wanna be William the Bloody, or just Spike? ‘Cause, either way, it's gonna look 
majorly weird.

Spike: Where as the name Buffy gives it that touch of 
classic elegance.

Buffy: What's wrong with Buffy?

Giles: Huh.. 
such a good question.

Spike: (Ignoring Giles) Well, it's a terrible 
name.

Buffy: My mother gave me that name.

Spike: Your mother, 
yeah, she's a genius. 

Buffy: Don't you start in on my 
mother.

(Anya and Xander suddenly burst through the front door. Everyone 
stands as Xander pulls a bookshelf in front of the door.)

Xander: Board 
up the windows, and barricade the doors. 

Giles: What's going 
on?

Anya: Demons. They keep coming and coming.

Xander: I think we 
lost them, but I couldn't see. (Sees Spike) Spike! He's all untied! (Pause) 
Which you probably noticed..

Buffy: Xander, calm down, okay? If you lost 
them, that'll give us some time to figure this out. (To Spike) Maybe the demons 
have something to do with Giles being blind. 

Anya: Giles is 
blind?

(Xander walks over to Giles and starts waving his fingers in front 
of Giles' face)

Giles: Please stop whatever you're doing. You smell like 
fruit roll-ups.

Spike: This is the crack team that foils my every plan? I 
am deeply shamed. 

Buffy: (Hanging on Spike's arm) Spike's right. We 
really should get organized.

(Xander and Anya are staring at Spike and 
Buffy)

Anya: Why are you holding hands?

(Buffy and Spike look at 
eachother lovingly)

Spike: They have to hear it sooner or 
later..

Buffy: (Excitedly) Spike and I are getting 
married!

Xander: (Baffled) How? What? How?

Giles: Three excellent 
questions.

Spike: (To Buffy) What are you lookin' at?

Buffy: The 
man I love.

(They kiss. A lot. Anya and Xander look a bit 
disgusted)

Xander: Can I be blind, too?

(Anya nods in 
agreement)

Xander: Wait.. married.. I know something.. what is it..? 
Everything's so familiar.. Work, brain — work! Oh! Oh oh! Willow! 

Buffy: 
(Talking around the kissing) Mm..what about Will.. Mmm, honey, get off. (Pulls 
away from Spike)

Xander: Something about Willow and her griefy-poor-me 
mood swings — so, so tired of it.

Anya: You mean I don't have to be nice 
about her anymore? 

Buffy: Well, we're all tired of it, but what does it 
have to do with what's going on?

Xander: She told me I was a demon 
magnet, a-and you two should get married. (Gestures to Spike and 
Buffy)

Giles: (Coming to realization) And.. that I didn't see 
anything.

Buffy: She did a spell.

Giles: Yes.. to have her will 
done. Whatever she says is coming true.

Buffy: And you both were 
effected. I probably only escaped because I'm the Slayer. Some kind of natural 
immunity.

Xander: Yeah. Right. You're marrying Spike because you're so 
right for eachother.

Buffy: Xander.

Spike: That's it — you're off 
the usher list.

Giles: People, Willow is out there and she probably 
doesn't know what she's doing. 

Xander: We gotta find her.

Buffy: 
Before somebody gets really hurt.

(Giles nods in agreement and starts 
forward, falling over his couch and landing on the other side. Cut to Willow 
walking down the hallway in Stevenson Hall. She walks into her room and is 
snatched up by a demon, placing one hand on each side of her head, causing 
electricity-like bolts to wind around her head. Cut to Buffy, Spike, Xander, and 
Anya walking down the hallways of Stevenson Hall)

Xander: Why does he 
have to come? (Indicating Spike)

Buffy: Xander, Spike is going to be my 
husband. I want him included.

Spike: I agree with Xander here. Seems like 
a lot of work for people who hunt us. 

Buffy: Spike, these are my 
friends. Besides, it's kinda my job. 

Spike: (Pats her hand) For 
now.

Buffy: What? You want me to stop working? 

(The open the door 
to Buffy and Willow's room. All enter save Spike who remains outside 
talking)

Spike: Let's see — do I want you to give up killing all my 
friends? Yeah, I've given it some thought.

(Cut inside Buffy and Willow's 
dorm room. There's a large circle burnt into the carpet)

Buffy: This is 
burned.

Anya: Ta'hoffren. Bastard, he's opened a portal 
here.

Buffy: Who?

Spike: Oh, fluffy.

(Cut to Spike, holding 
up one of Buffy's skirts — an orange one with orange fuzzy stuff around the 
bottom)

Spike: Wear this to the rehearsal dinner and the whole thing's 
off.

Buffy: Shut-up, honey.

Anya: Ta'hoffren. He made me a demon 
1120 years ago. 

Buffy: Why would he attack Willow?

Anya: I don't 
believe he did.

(Cut to a pitch black room. Ta'hoffren is speaking to 
Willow. They are both surrounded by numerous demons of different 
kinds)

Ta'hoffren: You have much anger and pain. Your magic is strong, 
but your pain — it's like a scream that pierces dimensional walls. We heard your 
call.

Willow: I-I'm sorry. I'll try for a quiet rage. Bye. 

(She 
turns to leave, but is faced with demons. Ta'hoffren calls her 
back)

Ta'hoffren: Our intention is not to quash your potential — quite 
the contrary.

(Willow turns back to him, looking scared and confused. Cut 
to Anya, Xander, Buffy, and Spike walking in the cemetery)

Anya: I'd been 
dumped, I was miserable, doing a few vengeance spells — boils on the penis, 
nothing fancy.

Xander: Please skip ahead.

Anya: Ta'hoffren got 
wind of me, he offered to elevate me. 

Buffy: Meaning?

Anya: He 
made me a demon.

Buffy: Oh God, Willow. But, you can summon this guy from 
this crypt, right? You can make him stop .. oh my God! Wouldn't this be a 
perfect place for pictures?

(She runs up to a crypt with ivy growing all 
along side it)

Spike: I'm not posing for chattal.

(A demon wanders 
their way. Xander sees it and points)

Xander: Hey.. demon.

(Buffy 
walks up to the demon)

Buffy: Okay, listen — now we're gonna do this 
without ruining the foliage. 

(Buffy and the demon go at it. She tosses 
him aside just as another appears. She realizes that they're just going to keep 
coming)

Buffy: Let's go!

(All four of them run inside the crypt, 
barricading it as best they can. Anya runs to the far side, kneeling down and 
drawing a circle surrounding herself in the dirt. )

Anya: Blesséd be, the 
name of Ta'hoffren. Let this space be now a gateway to the world of Arash 
Ma'har, where demons are spawned.

(Cut to Arash Ma'har. Ta'hoffren is 
still speaking with Willow)

Ta'hoffren: The pain and suffering you 
brought upon those you love is inspiring. You are ready to join us here in Arash 
Ma'har. 

Willow: Pain.. What pain?

(Cut to Buffy being choked by a 
demon who's reached through a window.)

Spike: Buffy!

Xander: Not 
doin' well here.

Anya: (Still chanting) We come in supplication. We bend 
as the reed.. in the flow of the, uh.. No, wait.. we-we come in the flow of the, 
uh.. Ugh! (Takes a deep breath) Blesséd be, the name of Ta'hoffren..

(Cut 
to Buffy, still being choked. She jerks away, running to Spike's side, who, with 
Xander, has propped a stone sepulcher against the doorway to keep the demons 
out.)

Spike: They're strong, and I can't fight. If they get in, I don't 
know if I can protect you.

Buffy: You think you have to protect 
me?

Spike: Oh, not with the Girl-Power bit!

(The demons finally 
bust their way in. Spike and Xander get their asses kicked and Buffy tries to 
kick ass. Anya attacks the one attacking Xander and is promptly tossed aside. 
Cut to Arash Ma'har. Ta'hoffren opens a dimensional rift and allows Willow to 
see her friends getting their asses kicked.)

Willow: Oh, God. But I 
didn't mean to!

Ta'hoffren: But you did. This is the result of your 
power. You will make a fine vengeance demon. 

Willow: No, please! You 
have to help them!

Ta'hoffren: It is not my concern. You are my interest 
in this matter.

Willow: Really.. no offense intended.. I mean, you've 
been super-nice and everything, but.. I don't want to be a demon. I just wanna 
go back and help my friends.

Ta'hoffren: That is your 
answer?

Willow: It-it is.

Ta'hoffren. (Menacingly) I'm sorry to 
hear that. (Lighter tone) Oh well. Here is my talisman. (Holds it up and Willow 
takes it) You change your mind, give us a chant.

(He waves his hand and 
she disappears. Cut to Buffy struggling with a demon as yet another bursts onto 
the scene. It knocks Spike on his back. Buffy gets pissed and kicks both the 
demon's asses and runs over to Spike.)

Buffy: Oh, Spike.. are you 
okay?

Spike: Slayer..

(They kiss. Anya and Xander are still 
beating up on that same demon. Willow suddenly appears in the crypt.) 


Willow: Let the healing power begin. Let my will be safe again. As these 
words of peace are spoken, let this harmful spell be broken.

(Thunder 
crashes and lightening flashes. Suddenly, the demons disappear. Buffy and Spike 
pull away from eachother, a look of horror and disgust passing over their 
faces)

Buffy: Oh, ugh..

Spike: Oh, bloody hell!

(They both 
jump up, each wiping their mouth and gagging and carrying on so)

Buffy: 
Spike lips! Lips of Spike!

(All four of them suddenly realize Willow. 
They all turn slowly to look at her. She smiles sheepishly and 
waves.)

Willow: Hi, guys.

(Cut to Giles' kitchen. Willow is making 
chocolate-chip cookies. She's putting them on a plate Anya's 
holding.)

Anya: How long are you going to keep making 
these?

Willow: Oh, until I don't feel so horribly guilty. I figure about 
a million chips from now. Also, I have to detail Giles' car.

(She takes 
the plate from Anya and walks over to where Xander and Giles are sitting. Xander 
is holding up a clock)

Xander: Time.

Giles: A-ha.. Five past two. 
Thursday.

Willow: (To Giles) Look, cookies. A very not-evil thing I did. 
Oatmeal?

(Giles removes his glasses, takes a cookie and 
scowls)

Giles: Yes, very funny, they're chocolate chip. I can see them. I 
still need my glasses, though. You could be more specific and give me 20/20. 


(Willow smiles and walks over to Buffy and Spike. Spike is tied up once 
more)

Willow: Eat a cookie; ease my pain?

Buffy: (Takes one, 
taking a bite) Mm. Better?

Willow: Well, baking lifts about 30% of my 
guilt, but only 7% of my inner turmoil. Guess that'll just take 
awhile.

Buffy: It'll happen.

Spike: Don't I get a 
cookie?

Buffy: No.

Spike: Well, I gotta have something. I still 
have Buffy taste in my mouth.

Buffy: You're a pig, Spike.

Spike: 
Yeah.. well I'm not the one who wanted, "Wind Beneath My Wings" for the first 
dance.

(He says it loud enough for Giles, Anya, and Xander to hear. They 
all turn to stare at Buffy from the living room. She looks at all of 
them)

Buffy: That was the spell.

(Buffy gets all embarrassed and 
walks into the kitchen. Willow scowls at Spike and shoves a cookie in his mouth. 
She follows Buffy into the kitchen)

Willow: Did I mention about the sorry 
part?

Buffy: We may be into a forgetting spell later. (Astonished) I 
loved him. He were betrothed. (She makes a face) 

Willow: Well, at-at 
least you were getting along.

Buffy: But we wern't. I mean, I wasn't even 
nice. And the bad-boy thing — over it. Okay, I totally get it. I'd be really 
happy to be in a nice relationship with a decent, reliable.. Oh my God! Riley 
thinks I'm engaged. 

Willow: What?

Buffy: Riley. He-he-he saw me. 
What the hell am I going to say?!

(Cut to UC Sunnydale campus. Buffy and 
Riley are walking together. Buffy is laughing)

Buffy: You thought I was 
serious?

Riley: Well, no.. um.. you wern't serious?

Buffy: Oh, 
God.. please. I marry a guy named Spike? 

Riley: Maybe. We haven't known 
eachother that long. 

Buffy: No, it's just.. I saw that fear in your eyes 
when you caught me looking at wedding dresses, and I had to give you a hard 
time. 

Riley: I did not have fear in my eyes.

Buffy: Yes you did. 
You were looking at me like I was a cartoon ball and chain.

Riley: So you 
decided to tell me you're getting married.

Buffy: Uh-huh.

Riley: 
So, you're insane.

Buffy: Uh-huh!

Riley: But you're still 
single.

Buffy: Yes. 

Riley: Okay, then. Just another little piece 
of the Buffy puzzle.

Buffy: You really have a lot to learn about women, 
Riley.

(He reaches up, taking hold of the back of her head like he's 
going to kiss her)

Riley: You're gonna teach me.

(He smiles and 
turns, walking away, leaving Buffy staring after him)