Xander:
Dinner is served, and my very own recipe.
Willow: Oooo, you pushed the button on the microwave that says
"popcorn?"
Xander: Actually I pushed "Defrost," but Joyce was
there in a clinch.
Xander: Apocalypse Now is
a gay romp. It's the feel-good movie of whatever year it was.
Xander: (to Willow) So
whatcha been doin'? Doing spells? (to Oz) She does spells with
Tara.
Oz: Yeah, I've heard about that.
Xander: Sometimes I think about two women doing a spell... and
then I do a spell by myself.
Giles: The audience wants to
find you, strip you naked, and eat you alive. So hide!
Cheese Guy (to Willow, about
a bunch of cheese slices on a table): I've made a little
space for the cheese slices.
Riley: Why hello, little lady.
Can I hold those milk pails for you?
Harmony: Why thank you, but they're not very heavy. Why have you
come to our lonely small town which has no post office and very few
exports?
Riley: I've come lookin' for a man... a sales man.
Buffy: But what else could I
expect from a bunch of low-rent, no-account hoodlums like you? Hoodlums,
yes, I mean you and your friends, your whole sex. Throw 'em in the sea
for all I care. Throw 'em in and wait for the bubbles. Men, with your
groping and spitting. All groin, no brain. Three billion of ya' passin'
around the same worn out urge. Men... with your sales.
Buffy: You must have done
something.
Willow: No, I never do anything. I'm very seldom naughty.
Buffy: Want some corn?
Xander: Butter flavor?
Buffy: New car smell.
Xander: Cool.
Xander: I didn't order any
vampires!
Cheese Guy (to Xander, about
the slices of cheese on a plate): These will not protect you.
Spike: Haven't you figured it
all out yet with your enormous, squishy frontal lobes?
Cheese Guy (to Giles, while
wearing two slice of cheese on his head): I wear the cheese,
it does not wear me.
Anya: OK. A man walks in to the
office of a doctor. He's wearing on his head, um, oh wait, there's a
duck, is that right?
Guy From Audience: You suck!
Anya: Quiet, you'll miss the humorous conclusion.
(other conversation between Willow, Xander and Giles)
Anya: And then the duck tells the doctor, that there's a man
that's attached to my ass! You see, it was the duck and not the man that
spoke.
Giles (singing):
It's strange, it's not like anything we've faced before / It seems
familiar somehow / Of course / The spell we cast with Buffy must have
released some primal evil that's come back seeking / I'm not sure what /
Willow, look through the chronicles for some reference to a warrior
beast / I've got to warn Buffy / There's every chance she might be next
/ And Xander / help Willow / And try not to bleed on my couch / I've
just had it steam-cleaned. No wait...
Joyce (giggling):
I'm sorry dear. A mouse is playing with my knees.
Buffy: I really don't think you should live in there.
Tara (speaking for the first
Slayer): The Slayer does not walk in this world.
Buffy: I walk. I talk. I shop. I sneeze. I'm gonna be a fireman
when the floods roll back. There's trees in the desert since you moved
out, and I don't sleep on a bed of bones.
Giles: Somehow our joining with
Buffy and invoking the essence of the Slayer's power was an affront to
the source of that power.
Buffy: You know you could have brought that up to us before we
did it.
Giles: I did. I said there could be dire consequences.
Buffy: Yes, but you say that about chewing too fast.
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