Xander:
I'm exhausted just looking at those two. All this splashing, and jumping,
and running... shouldn't relaxing involve less exertion?
Anya: Absolutely. Exertion can lead to sweatiness.
Tara: Which can cause the pain and heartbreak of stinkiness.
Better to just stay put.
Willow: I think we just put the finger on why we're the sidekicks.
Xander: It's comforting to know
that I lack the culinary finesse of a caveman.
Buffy (After a successful
spell): Willow, check you out! Witch-Fu.
Willow: There you go, all set.
Giles: Thank you, Willow. Obstinate bloody machine simply refused
to work for me.
Willow: Just call me the Computer Whisperer.
Giles: Willow, it's essential
that we begin to archive the library. I mean, most of these texts have
no duplicates.
Willow: But... now? Doesn't winter seem more like archiving
season?
Willow: Now that I know there's
something to know, I can't not know, just because I'm afraid somebody
will know I know. You know?
Giles: Did that mean yes?
Dracula: Very impressive hunt.
Such power.
Buffy: That was no hunt. That was just another day on the job.
Care to step up for some overtime?
Dracula: We're not going to fight.
Buffy: Do you know what a Slayer is?
Dracula: Do you?
Buffy: Who are you?
Dracula: I apologize. I assumed you knew. I am Dracula.
Buffy: Get out!
Willow: Xand, what if somebody
had a secret, and that somebody promised somebody else that they wouldn't
tell anyone?
Xander: News flash, Will, everybody knows.
Willow: No, this isn't about me and Tara.
Xander: Oh. Well, not that I wouldn't be all ears if you wanted
tell me a secret about you two. Even if it was very, very naughty.
Willow: Sorry. This is of the non-naughty variety, and I'm not
telling you.
Buffy: And you're sure this isn't
just some fanboy thing? 'Cause I've fought more than a couple pimply,
overweight vamps that called themselves Lestat.
Dracula: Why else would I come
here? For the sun? I came to meet the renowned killer.
Buffy: Yeah, I prefer the term Slayer. You know, killer just
sounds so...
Dracula: Naked?
Buffy: Like I paint clowns or something. I'm the good guy
remember?
Xander: Nice. Look who's got a
bad case of Dark Prince envy.
Dracula: I have no interest in you. Leave us.
Xander: No, we're not going to (imitates Dracula's accent)
leave you. And where'd you get that accent Sesame Street?
One, two, three — three victims. Mwah, ha, ha, ha!
Buffy: Xander, I'm pretty sure that's Dracula.
Xander: Wow, really? Hey, sorry, man, I was... just jokin' around.
Tara: You thought Dracula was
sexy?
Willow: Oh! No. He — He was... yuck.
Anya: Right, except for the whole tall, dark, and handsome thing.
Yuck-o.
Xander: How would you know?
Anya Ah, we hung out a few times. Back in my demon days, you know,
once or twice. He's pretty cool. (sighs) You know, from a whole
evil-thing perspective.
Xander: You don't wanna come
back to my place?
Anya: It's whites day, remember? The bleach smell makes me
nauseous.
Xander: Fine! I suppose Dracula doesn't use bleach, huh? He's a
darks-only man.
Dracula: Silence.
Xander: Yes, Master. No, that's not...
Dracula: You will be emissary. My eyes and ears in daylight.
Xander: Your emissary.
Dracula: Serve me well. You will be rewarded. I will make you an
immortal. A child of darkness that feeds on life itself... on blood.
Xander: Blood? Yes, yes! I will serve you, your Excellent
Spookiness. Or Master. I'll just stick with Master.
Dracula: You are strange and off-putting. Go now.
Spike: Well, well, you can take
the boy out of the Initiative, but you can't take the initiative out of
the boy.
Riley: What can you tell me
about Dracula?
Spike: Dracula? Poncy bugger owes me £11, for one thing.
Riley: I'm out to find him
before he gets another shot at her.
Spike: Tough talk cowboy, but you're not gonna catch him napping
in a crypt. No, the Count has to have his luxury estate, and his
bug-eaters, and his special dirt, doesn't he?
Riley: So you're saying I should check out mansions, that sort of
thing?
Spike: No, I'm saying you should go home to your superhoney; have
a nice, safe snog.
Willow: Well, I think we have
Dracula factoids.
Xander: Like any of that's enough to fight the Dark Master. (They
look at him) Bator.
Xander: See?! Buffy didn't feel
it. I think you're drawing a lot of crazy conclusions about the Unholy
Prince! (They look at him) Bator.
Riley: No, it's okay, I shouldn't
take this personally. I mean, what with Angel, it's understandable that
there would be transference. I mean, they're both broody immortals.
Buffy: I am not transferry!
Joyce: He seemed so nice and
normal... a little pale.
Willow: A good Sunnydale rule of thumb — avoid white-skinned
men in capes.
Joyce: I'm not like this. I don't invite strange men over for
coffee. It's just... oh, when you girls are older you'll understand.
It's hard to date. Sometimes you just feel like giving up on men all
together.
Xander: I'm supposed to deliver
you to the Master now. There's this whole deal where I get to be
immortal. You cool with that?
Buffy: Take me to him.
Xander: Master, I deliver the
Slayer. She who you most desire. Sorry, whom.
Riley: I've lived in Sunnydale a
couple of years now. Know what I've never noticed before?
Giles: Uh, a castle?
Riley: A big, honking castle.
Giles: Oh, good show Giles. At
least you didn't get knocked out for a change.
Dracula: You think you know...
What you are, what's to come. You haven't even begun.
Giles: Oh, my shoe. Silly me, I'll
just pop —
Riley: No, no, no, sir. No more chick pit for you. Come on.
Buffy (upon staking Dracula):
How do you like my darkness now?
Xander: Where is he? Where's the
creep that turned me into a spider eating man bitch?
Buffy: He's gone.
Xander: Damn it! You know what? I'm sick of this crap. I'm sick
of being the guy who eats insects and gets the funny syphilis. As of
this moment, it's over. I'm finished being everybody's butt monkey!
Buffy: Check. No more butt monkey.
Buffy: You think I don't watch
your movies? You always come back. (Dracula begins to materialize
again.) I'm standing right here!
Buffy: (Spotting a young girl
in her room) What are you doing here?
Joyce: (from the other room) Buffy? If you're going out,
why don't you take your sister?
Buffy and Girl in Her Room: Mom!
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