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Buffy
(to a vampire): You know, it's probably none of my business,
but I just gotta ask: Did you smell this bad when you were alive? 'Cause
if it's a post-mortem thing, then boy is my face red, but just so you know,
the fast-growing field of personal grooming's come a long way since
you became a vampire.
Buffy: I can't believe I passed
out. Do you think I'm a total wuss now?
Riley: Oh, yeah. I like a girl who can play a few hard sets of
tennis with a major stab wound.
Buffy: You said it wasn't that bad.
Riley: I said I've seen worse. There's a difference.
Buffy: Don't worry. Accelerated
healing powers come with the Slayer package. And the boyfriend who comes
complete with combat medical training — that's just a Buffy Summers
bonus.
Riley: So tell me about the bad
guy. Or guys — who do you think they were?
Buffy: Vampire.
Riley: How many?
Buffy: One.
Riley: So what, was he like a Super Vampire or something?
Buffy: No, he was the regular kind. He just beat me.
Dawn: C'mon, who's the man?
Buffy: You are. A very short, annoying man.
Dawn: When do I get to patrol?
Buffy: Not until you are never!
Xander: Hey, Riley! What's the (imitates
Riley's hand signal) all about?
Riley: It means yell real loud so the vampires who don't know we're
coming will have a sporting chance.
Xander (to Willow): See now he's all mad and
sarcastic.
Xander (about Riley):
You know what he's like? He's like a cat. You know, a big jungle cat. How
come I'm not like that? He's just so cool.
Willow: I think you're cool.
Buffy: Look, I realize that every
Slayer comes with an expiration mark on the package. But, I want mine to
be a long time from now. Like a Cheeto.
Giles: Yes well the uh... the
problem is that after a final battle, it uh... it's difficult to get any
um... well the-the-the Slayer's not... she's rather um—
Buffy: It's okay to use the "D" word, Giles.
Giles: Dead. And hence not very forthcoming.
Buffy: Why didn't the Watchers keep fuller accounts of it? The
journals just stop.
Giles: I suppose if they're anything like me, they just found the
whole subject too uh—
Buffy: Unseemly? Damn. Love ya, but you Watchers are such prigs
sometimes.
Giles: Painful, I was going to say.
Spike: You know there are quite a
few American beers that are highly underrated. This, unfortunately, is not
one of them.
Spike: As I thought: Some nasty
thing got a taste of you.
Buffy: Don't get all excited. I'm fine.
Spike: Oh, right. Stuck in a dark corner with a creature you loathe,
digging up past uglies, 'cause you're fine.
Buffy: Were you born this
big a pain in the ass?
Spike: What can I tell you, baby? I've always been bad.
Male Partygoer (reading
William's poetry): "My heart expands/ 'tis grown a bulge
in't/ inspired by/ your beauty effulgent." Effulgent?
2nd Male Partygoer: And that's actually one of his better
compositions.
Female Partygoer: Have you heard? They call him William the Bloody
because of his bloody awful poetry!
Cecily: I'm going to ask you a
very personal question. And I demand an honest answer. Do you understand?
(William nods)
Cecily: Your poetry, it's... they're... not written about me,
are they?
William: They're about how I feel.
Cecily: Yes, but are they about me?
William: Every syllable.
Cecily: Oh God!
William: I know I'm a bad poet,
but I'm a good man. All I ask is that... is that you try to see me—
Cecily: I do see you — that's the problem! You're nothing to me,
William. (She stands and looks down at him.) You're beneath me.
Drusilla (speaking her first
words ever to William): And I wonder, what possible catastrophe
came crashing down from heaven and brought this dashing stranger to tears?
William: Nothing. I wish to be alone.
Drusilla: I see you. You're a man surrounded by fools who cannot
see his strength. His vision. His glory. (William gazes at her.)
That and burning baby fish swimming all round your head.
Drusilla: You walk in worlds the
others can't begin to imagine.
Buffy: So you traded up on the
food chain. Then what?
Spike: No, please! Don't make it sound like something you'd flip
past on the Discovery Channel. Becoming a vampire is a profound and
powerful experience. I could feel this new strength coursing through me.
Getting killed made me feel alive for the very first time.
Spike: Oh, I'm sorry, did I sully
our good name? We're vampires.
Spike: Lesson the first: A Slayer
must always reach for her weapon. (He puts his vamp face on.) I've
already got mine.
Spike: The way you tell it, one
Slayer's snuffs it, another one rises. I figure there's a new Chosen One
getting all chosen as we speak.
Darla: I think our boys are going
to fight!
Drusilla: The King of Cups expects a picnic. But this is not his
birthday!
Darla (humoring her): Good point.
Vampire (holding the stake that
he used to injure Buffy): They ought to put this in a museum.
Riley: You know what they put in museums? Mostly dead things.
Spike: Death is on your heels,
baby. And sooner or later, it's gonna catch you. And part of you wants it.
Not only to stop the fear and uncertainty, but because you're just a
little bit in love with it.
Spike: Death is your art. You make
it with your hands day after day. That final gasp, that look of peace. And
part of you is desperate to know: What's it like? Where does it lead you?
And now you see, that's the secret. Not the punch you didn't throw or the
kicks you didn't land. She really wanted it. Every Slayer has a death wish.
Even you.
Spike: Sooner or later, you're
gonna want it. And the second — the second — that happens, you
know I'll be there. I'll slip in, have myself a real good day.
Spike: Come on. I can feel it,
Slayer. You know you wanna dance.
Buffy: Say it's true. Say I do want to. (She pushes him to the
ground.) It wouldn't be you, Spike. It would never be you. (She
throws the cash at him.) You're beneath me.
Spike: "Beneath me." I'll
show her. Six bloody feet beneath me. Hasn't got a death wish? Bitch won't
need one.
Harmony: Okay, I'm trying to be
supportive here, so don't drive a stake through my heart like last time,
but... you can't kill Buffy. She is the Slayer, she is so going to
kick your ass.
Spike: I've got two barrels here that'll prove you wrong.
Harmony: How are you gonna kill
her? Think! The second you even point that thing at her, you're
gonna be all "Aaagh!" (holding her hand to her head in
imitation of Spike), and then you'll get bitch-slapped up and down
Main Street, unless she's finally had enough and just stakes you!
Spike: Sure, it'll hurt like hell for about two hours. But she'll
be dead just a little longer than that.
Drusilla (about Buffy):
I can still see her, floating all around you! Laughing! Why? Why won't you
push her away?
Drusilla: I have to find my
pleasures, Spike. You taste like ashes.
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