Spike:
It's just, we took on that Glory chippy together — I was right there
with you, fighting the fight.
Buffy: Actually, you were sleeping the sleep of the knocked
unconscious.
Xander: Hey, evil dead, you're in
my seat.
Anya: Xander, I think you may have hurt his feelings.
Xander: You should never hurt the feelings of a brutal killer. You
know, that's actually some pretty good advice.
Xander: The point is, I work hard
for that money.
Spike: And you're saying I didn't?
Xander: You stole it!
Spike: And you're making it into very hard work!
Harmony (pretending to be Buffy):
Ooh, I'm gonna stake you! I'm coming after you, you bad, evil vampire! And
I'm gonna slay you! I'm sneaking up, and I'm gonna stake you so much with
my slaying powers that I have because I'm the chosen— (Spike
interrupts by pouncing on her passionately.)
Tara: No, see, it can't, it can't
end like that, 'cause all of Quasimodo's actions were selfishly motivated.
He had no moral compass, no understanding of right, everything he did he
did out of love for a woman who'd never be able to love him back. Also,
you can tell it's not gonna have a happy ending when the main guy's all
bumpy.
Dawn: I feel safe with you.
Spike: Take that back!
Buffy: Why doesn't that register
with you? Crypt plus vampire equals bad!
Dawn: 'Cause it was Spike.
Buffy: Hanging out with Spike is not cool, Dawn, okay? It is
dangerous and icky.
Dawn: I don't think Spike is icky.
Buffy: Yeah, well, think again sister— (Buffy realizes
something) You have a crush on him.
Dawn: No I don't! It's just... he's got cool hair and he wears cool
leather coats and stuff. And he doesn't treat me like an alien.
Buffy: He's a killer, Dawn. You cannot have a crush on something
that is dead and evil and a vampire!
Dawn: Right, that's why you were never with Angel for three years.
Buffy: Angel is different. He has a soul.
Dawn: Spike has a chip, same diff.
Buffy: I can't listen to this. Spike is a monster, okay, and, plus,
you are only fourteen years old!
Dawn: I like hanging out with him is all. And even if I did have a
crush, he wouldn't notice in a million years, not with you around.
Buffy: What does that mean?
Dawn: Spike's totally into you. (Buffy just stares at her)
Oh, come on, you didn't notice? Buffy, Spike's completely in love with
you.
Buffy (after a pause): Huh?
Buffy (about Dawn and Spike):
I think she has a crush on him.
Xander: What?
Buffy: I mean, I always knew he had this weird fixation with me...
Xander: I'm the one she had a crush on. Me!
Buffy: There's nothing here. Let's go.
Xander: It's always been me! Big, funny Xander! Oh what, she
suddenly decides I'm not the cool one anymore? Why's that okay?
(Spike offers Buffy his flask.)
Buffy: Ew.
Spike: It's not blood, it's bourbon.
Buffy (slower and with emphasis): Eeewww.
Buffy: These vamps have been here
for a while. They've nested.
Spike: So, you're saying they're a couple of poofters?
Buffy (after Spike opens door
for her): What are you doing?
Spike: I... I... was... I wasn't thinking.
Buffy: What is this?
Spike: Oh, don't get your knickers twisted, I was—
Buffy: What is this? The late-night stakeout, the bogus
suspects, the flask! Is this a date?
Spike: A d— please! A date! You are completely off your bird! I
mean— (he changes tone) Do you want it to be?
Buffy (disgusted): Oh my God!
Spike: You can't deny it. There's
something between us.
Buffy: Loathing. Disgust!
Spike: Something's happening to
me. I can't stop thinking about you. And if that means turning my back on
the whole evil—
Buffy: You don't know what you mean. You don't know what feelings
are.
Spike: I damn well do! I lie awake every night—
Buffy: You sleep during the day!
Spike: Yeah but— you are missing the point. This is real
here. I lov—
Buffy: Don't! Don't say it. I'm going.
Spike: We need to talk—
Buffy: We don't need to do anything! Okay? There is no we!
Understand.
Spike: Buffy.
(Buffy walks out and slams the door behind her.)
Harmony: What the heck is this?
Who is— Oh wait, I get it. Our little sex game was just the beginning.
Now you've gone and picked up some cheap queen of the damned to dress up
like your precious Droodzilla. Well, you'd better not be thinking what I
think you're thinking, because my answer is the same as always — no
threesomes unless it's boy-boy-girl. Or Charlize Theron.
Spike (grabbing Harmony by the
throat): It's been fun while it lasted, Harm, but I think it'd
be best now if you hit the road. (He flings her against the wall.)
Harmony: Why? Because she's back?
Spike: No. Because I am.
Joyce: Honey, did you somehow,
unintentionally, lead him on in any way? Send him signals?
Buffy: Well, I do beat him up a lot. For Spike, that's like third
base.
Drusilla (zapping Buffy
unconscious): Shall we tie her up, play with her a teensy bit
first?
Spike: Through playing.
Drusilla: Ooh, I like it when you're all do-er and
straight-to-business-like. (She passes Spike her electric rod.)
Spike (upon zapping Drusilla unconscious): Bloody
well through playing.
Spike: I love you.
Buffy (looking away, sickened): Oh my God.
Spike (lifting her chin): No, look at me. I love you.
You're all I bloody think about... dream about. You're in my gut... in my
throat... I'm drowning in ya Summers, drowning.
Spike: You can't tell me that
there isn't anything there between you and me. I know you feel
something.
Buffy: It's called revulsion. And whatever you think you're
feeling, it's not love. You can't love without a soul.
Drusilla: Oh, we can you know. We can love quite well... if not
wisely.
Spike: Don't mock this!
Buffy: Go mock yourself!
Spike: Just give me something, a
crumb, the barest smidgen. Tell me maybe, someday, there's a chance.
Buffy: Spike... the only chance you had with me was when I was
unconscious.
Spike (shouting):
Aaaarrrggghh! Gaaagggghhhhhh! What the bleeding hell is wrong with
you bloody women? What the hell does it take? Why do you bitches
torture me?
Buffy: Which question do you want me to answer first?
Harmony: I gave you the best...
bunch of months of my life!
Drusilla: That's right, little
girl, teach our naughty boy a lesson.
Spike: Oh, so now you're all ganging up?
Drusilla: Poor Spike. So lost...
even I can't help you now.
Buffy: What part of me punching
you in the face did you not understand?
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