Giles:
You can't be responsible for what Spike thinks or feels.
Buffy: Well, aren't I responsible? I mean, something about me had
to make him feel that, right? Something that made him say, "Woof!
That's the one for me!"
Buffy: Oh! Puffy Xander, uh, I'm
sorry, I got... guess I got carried away. Are you okay?
Xander: I'm alive. I can tell 'cause of the pain.
Buffy: I just want to know that
there's gonna be another good one; one that I won't chase away.
Xander: There will be. I promise. He's out there; he can come along
any minute.
Buffy: And the minute after that I can terrify him with my alarming
strength and remarkable self-involvement.
Buffy: Maybe I could change. You
know, I could, I could work harder. I could spend less time slaying, I
could laugh at his jokes — I mean, men like that, right, the, the
joke-laughing-at?
Xander: Or maybe you could just be Buffy, he'll see your amazing
heart, and he'll fall in love with you.
Xander: Buffy, do you ever think
the reason you haven't found a great relationship on the Hellmouth is
because it's a Hellmouth?
Joyce: So is anyone gonna talk
about my dress?
Dawn: I like it.
Joyce: You sure? I mean, it's not too mom-ish?
Dawn: Oh. That was why I liked it.
Buffy: You're both crazy. It's not mom-ish at all. It's sexy. It
screams, "Randy sex kitten, buy me one drink and I'll..." (pauses)
Oh, wait, that's not really good either.
Joyce: Oh god. What time is it?
Buffy: 4:23. You have lots of time until seven. Vast acres of time
in which you could plant crops. Now tell me about this Brian and what his
intentions are.
Dawn: Maybe he's a gigolo. Was his shirt all shiny?
Joyce: He's a nice, normal guy.
Okay?
Buffy: I think I've heard of those.
Tara: Willow's good with all that
computer stuff, but me not so much. Do you really understand all that?
Anya: Oh, at first it was confusing. Just the idea of computers was
like — whoa! I'm eleven hundred years old! I had trouble adjusting to
the idea of Lutherans.
Tara: I go online sometimes, but everyone's spelling is really bad.
It's... depressing.
Anya: Anyway, I took the money
from working for Giles, and I tripled it.
Tara: Tripled? Like, first money, then money money money?
Anya: Yes. I'm thinking about buying something very expensive.
Maybe an antelope.
Xander: How you doing, having o'
the fun?
Buffy: You know, I am. Dancing with you is way better than trying
to hook up with some good-looking guy.
Xander: I think I liked it better when you were kicking me in my
puffy groin.
Spike: Thought I was gonna leave
town? It's a free country. Free party. If you want me to leave, you can
put your hands on my hot, tight little body and make me.
Xander (distracted by April):
Who's that?
Anya: Oh, that girl. Tara and I met her. She speaks with a strange
evenness and selects her words a shade too precisely.
Xander (looking fondly at Anya): Some of us like that
kind of thing in a girl.
Buffy: Thank you. Um, I, I just,
I-I think you should know that I... I kind of have this bad history in
which, you know, we go get coffee, and, well, it all ends with, with you
leaving town, and you just got here and everything...
Ben: Apparently we'd be risking a tragic chain reaction, but... I
just really like... coffee. I think coffee might be worth it. And I would
like to get to know coffee better.
Spike: You threw me through a
window! What's that about?
April: You cannot make those suggestions to me. I have a boyfriend.
Warren is my boyfriend.
Spike: You know what? My bleeding sympathies to Warren!
Buffy: I don't know about you guys,
but I've had it with super-strong little women who aren't me.
Buffy: It all looked pretty tame
to me.
Joyce: Well, I suppose by your standards it could seem pretty... (pauses)
Oh dear.
Buffy: What?
Joyce: I left my bra in his car.
Buffy: Mother!
Joyce: I'm joking.
Buffy: Good god, that's horrible. Don't do that.
Joyce: I left it in the restaurant.
Buffy (running upstairs): No more! No more! No more!
Joyce (yelling up the stairs): On the dessert cart!
Buffy (offscreen, faintly): I can't hear you!
Giles: Dear god, Buffy, there's
only so much I can take. We're going to have to change the system. A
fourteen-year-old's too old to be babysat, and it's not fair on her.
Buffy: What'd she make you do?
Giles: Um, well, we listened to aggressively cheerful music sung by
people chosen for their ability to dance. Then we ate cookie dough, and
talked about boys.
Buffy (laughing): I'm sorry. I'm very very sorry, but
if it makes you feel any better, my "fun time Buffy party night"
involved watching a robot throw Spike through a window, so if you wanna
trade... no... wait... I wouldn't give that memory up for anything.
Giles: And you're certain she was
a robot?
Buffy: Absolutely.
Tara: Well, she practically had "Genuine Molded Plastic"
stamped on her ass. (The gang looks at her, surprised.) Just tryin'
a little spicy talk.
Tara: Oh, do you have any books on
robots?
Giles: Oh, yes, dozens. There's an enormous amount of research we
should do before— no, I'm lying. I haven't got squat, I just like to see
Xander squirm.
Xander: She's a sex bot. I mean,
what guy doesn't dream about that? Beautiful girl with no other thought
but to please you, willing to do anything. (He gets strange looks from
the group.) Too many girls. I miss Oz. He'd get it. He wouldn't say
anything, but he'd get it.
Giles (threateningly):
We are not your friends. We are not your way to Buffy. There is no way to
Buffy. Clear out of here. And Spike, this thing, get over it.
Spike: I don't know what you mean.
Giles: Yes you do. Move the hell on.
Warren: She's not a toy. I mean, I
know what you're thinking. But she's more than that.
Buffy: Look, I'm sure she has many exciting labor-saving
attachments.
Buffy (to Warren, about April):
She growls?! You made her so she growls?!
Buffy: Can you cry? Sometimes I
feel better when I cry. But... there might be rust issues.
April: Crying is blackmail. Good girlfriends don't cry.
April: What if he comes back and
he can't find me in the dark?
Buffy: I'm here. I'll make sure that he finds you.
April: Maybe this is a girlfriend test. If I wait here patiently
this time, he'll come back.
April: When things are sad... you
just have to be patient. (Her speech begins to slow.) Because...
because every... cloud has a silver lining. And... when life... gives you
lemons... make... lemonade.
Buffy: Clouds and lemonade, huh?
April: Yes. And... and... (Her voice gets deeper, like a tape
running too slow.) things are... always... darkest... before...
Xander: Robots are the strangest
people.
Buffy: No... people are the strangest people. I mean, look
at me obsessing about being with someone. It's like... I don't need a guy
right now. I need me. I need to get comfortable being alone with Buffy.
Xander: Well, I'll say this, she's a pretty cool person to be alone
with.
Buffy (leaving a message):
About coffee... I don't think this is the best time for me to be drinking...
coffee. Uh, I'm sorry. And, um, bye.
Glory (listening): What the hell?
Jinx: If I may, Your Inconceivableness, it sounds to these humble
ears like our Ben tried to make a date with the Slayer.
Glory: A date with the Slayer? No. No. No, no, no. He is planning
something, he's working against me. (She frowns, looks at the answering
machine, and pouts.) She turned us down?
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