Buffy:
Dawn, if there are any plates in your room, let's have them before they
get furry and we have to name them!
Dawn: Hey! I was like 5 then.
Buffy: I mean, I can beat up the
demons, until the cows come home. And then, I can beat up the cows. But I'm
not sure I like what it's doing to me.
Buffy: Maybe being the perfect
Slayer means being too hard to love at all. I already feel like I can
hardly say the words.
Giles: Buffy—
Buffy: Giles, I love you. Love, love, love, love, love— Giles, it
feels strange.
Buffy: I love you, Dawn. You know
that right?
Dawn:Yeah. I love you, too.
Buffy: I love you. Really love you.
Dawn: Gettin' weird.
Buffy: Sorry. But it's important that I tell you. Weird love's
better than no love.
Buffy: So, how's it start?
Giles: I, uh, jump out of the circle, and I jump back in it, and
then um (reluctantly)... I shake my gourd.
Buffy: Oh, I know this ritual! The ancient Shamans were next called
upon to do the hokey pokey and turn themselves around.
Giles: Go quest!
(Giles sighs, then reticently jumps
out of the circle, jumps back in, and shakes his gourd.
Buffy: And that's what it's all about.
Spike: Was that your best, Slayer?
Buffybot: No.
Spike: Why not?
Buffybot: I wanna hurt you, but I can't resist the sinister
attraction of your cold and muscular body!
Anya (about the Salem Witch
Trials): I was there, it really wasn't that bad. See if you
were really a witch, you'd do a spell to escape. So, really it was only
bad for the falsely accused, and well, they never have a good time.
Buffybot: You're evil.
Spike: And that excites you?
Buffybot: It excites me, it terrifies me... I try so hard to resist
you and I can't.
Spike: Yeah?
Buffybot: Darn your sinister attraction!
Spike: Are you afraid of me?
Buffybot (smiling enthusiastically): Yes.
Buffybot: Oh Spike, devour me!
Spike (rolling onto her): Alright.
Buffybot: Spike, I can't help myself! I love you!
Spike: You're mine, Buffy.
Buffybot: Should I start this program over?
Spike: Shh! No programs, don't use that word. Just be Buffy.
Buffybot (going out to patrol):
Time to slay. Vampires of the world beware!
Buffybot: Anya! How is your money?
Anya (with a big smile): Fine, thank you for asking!
Buffybot (to Xander and Anya,
on Spike's approach): Spike! It's Spike. And he's wearing a
coat.
Buffybot (having sex with Spike
in the graveyard): Oh Spike, you're the big bad! You're the big
bad!
Tara: People do strange things
when someone they love dies. When I lost my mother, I did some pretty dumb
stuff, like lying to my family and staying out all night.
Anya: Buffy's boinking Spike.
(Tara looks perplexed.)
Willow: Oh... well Ta-Tara's right, grief can be powerful and we
shouldn't judge—
Tara: Are you kidding? She's nuts!
Tara (about Buffy):
You aren't really gonna slap her, are you?
Xander: No, but if I have to see her straddle Spike again I will
definately knock myself unconscious.
Spike (to Xander, as Glory's
minions enter his crypt): Friends of yours? (Jinx punches
Xander.) Guess not.
Buffy: I-I-I have a few questions,
about being the Slayer. What about... love? Not just boyfriend love.
Spirit Guide: You think you're losing your ability to love.
Buffy: I didn't say that... yeah.
Spirit Guide: You're afraid that being the Slayer means losing your
humanity.
Buffy (pausing): Does it?
Spirit Guide: You are full of love, you love with all your soul.
It's brighter than the fire... blinding... that's why you pull away from
it.
Buffy: I'm full of love? I'm not losing it?
Spirit Guide: Only if you reject it. Love is pain, and the Slayer
forges strength from pain. Love... give... forgive. Risk the pain, it is
your nature. Love will bring you to your gift.
Buffy (confused by that last bit): What?
Buffybot (referring to sex with
Spike): It wasn't one time. It was lots of times, and lots of
different ways. I can make sketches!
Willow: No!
Buffybot: Angel's lame. His hair
goes straight up, and he's bloody stupid!
Buffybot (in the midst of
conversation with Willow): You're recently gay!
Buffy: I-I'm getting a gift? Or do
you mean that I have a gift to give to someone else?
Spirit Guide: Death is your gift.
Buffy: Death...?
Spirit Guide: Is your gift.
Buffy:Okay, no. Death is not a gift. My mother just died, I know
this. If I have to kill demons because it makes the world a better place,
then I kill demons. But it is not a gift to anybody.
Spirit Guide:Your question has been answered.
Glory (about Spike):
What the hell is that, and why is its hair that color?
Buffy: Blame? There's blame now?
Willow: No! There's only love... and... some... fear.
Anya: We're just kind of thrown by the you having sex with Spike.
Buffy: The who whating how with huh?
Anya: Okay, that's denial. That usually comes before anger.
Buffy (angrily): I am not having sex with Spike!
Anya: Anger.
Xander: No one is judging you.
It's understandable. Spike is strong and mysterious and sort of compact,
but well muscled.
Buffy: I am not having sex with Spike! But I'm starting to think
that you might be!
Buffybot (seeing Buffy):
Say! look at you! You look just like me! We're very pretty.
Giles (staring at the Buffybot):
Quite extraordinary, really.
Buffybot: Thank you. But I really think we should be listening to
the other Buffy, Giles. (She pronounces his name with a hard
"G" as in "guy.") She's very smart and she's gonna
help us save Spike.
Giles: Giles? (imitating her pronunciation) Spike
didn't even bother to program my name properly!
Buffy: Listen, skirt girl, we are not going to save him. We're
going to kill him. He knows who the key is, and there's no way he's not
telling Glory.
Buffybot: You're right. He's evil. (She smiles.) But you
should see him naked. I mean really!
Jinx (in response to the
Spike's clues about the Key): Bob Barker!
Murk: We will bring you Bob Barker. We will bring you the limp and
beaten body of Bob Barker!
Glory: It is not Bob Barker, scabby morons! The Key is new to this
world and Bob Barker is as old as grit.
Glory: I am a God.
Spike: The God of what, bad home perms?
Spike: Mark my words, the Slayer
is going to kick your skanky, lopsided ass — (Concerned, Glory looks
at her ass.) — back to whatever place would take a cheap, whorish,
fashion-victim ex-God like you.
Dawn (sarcastically):
We're safe, right. And Spike built a robot Buffy to play Checkers with.
Tara: It sounded convincing when I thought it.
Buffy as Buffybot: Spike! You're
covered in sexy wounds!
Spike (Buffy as the Buffybot,
prompts Spike to explain why he didn't tell Glory who the key was.):
Because Buffy — the other, not-so-pleasant Buffy... anything happened to
Dawn, it'd destroy her, and I couldn't live with her being in that much
pain. I'd let Glory kill me first. Nearly bloody did.
Buffy: What you did for me and
Dawn, that was real. I won't forget it.
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