5x22 The Gift

Regulars:
Sarah Michelle Gellar as Buffy Summers
Nicholas Brendon as Xander Harris
Alyson Hannigan as Willow Rosenberg
Emma Caulfield as Anya
Michelle Trachtenberg as Dawn
James Marsters as Spike
Anthony Stewart Head as Rupert Giles

Guest Stars:
Amber Benson as Tara
Clare Kramer as Glory
Charlie Weber as Ben
Joel Grey as Doc
Todd Duffey as Murk
Craig Zimmerman as Minion #1
Josh Jacobson as teenager
Tom Kiesoke as vampire

Quotes

Buffy: "Are you guys having a fight? 'Cuz, you know, fighting's not cool."

Buffy: "Have you ever heard the expression: 'Biting off more than you can chew?' O.k., um, how about the expression: 'Vampire Slayer'?"
Vamp: "What the hell are you talking about?"
Buffy: "Wow! Never heard that one? O.k... How about: 'Oh, God! My leg! My leg!'"
(vamp growls)
(Buffy breaks his knee)
Vamp: "Oh God! My leg!"
Buffy: "See? Now we're communicating."

Guy: "But... you're just a girl."
Buffy: "That's what I keep saying."

Xander: "Why blood? Why Dawn's blood? I mean, why couldn't it be, like, a lymph ritual?"
Spike: "'Cause it's always got to be blood."
Xander: "We're not actually discussing dinner right now."
Spike: "Blood is life, lack-brain. Why do you think we eat it? It's what keeps you going. Makes you warm. Makes you hard. Makes you other than dead. 'Course it's her blood."

Buffy: "I don't want to hear it."
Giles: "I understand that..."
Buffy: "No, no you don't understand. We are not talking about this."
Giles: "Yes, we bloody well are!"

Buffy: "Tell me to kill my sister."

Willow: "We'll solve this. We will. Don't have another coma, o.k.?"

Giles: "If the ritual starts then every living creature in this and every other dimension imaginable will suffer unbearable torment and death... including Dawn."
Buffy: "Then the last thing she'll see is me protecting her."
Giles: "You'll fail. You'll die. We all will."
Buffy: "I'm sorry. I love you all, but... I'm sorry."

Spike: "Uh, when you say you love us all...?"
Giles & Xander: "Shut up."

Anya: "Willow! I'll bet you've got some dark spell abrewin'. Make her a toad? Little hoppy toad? Hit it with a hammer?"

Anya: "Here to help! Wanna live!"
Xander: "Smart chicks are so hot!"
Willow: "You couldn't have figured that out in 10th grade?"

Ben: "I wish there were another way."
Dawn: "And I wish you'd fall on your head and drown in your own barf. So I guess we're both disappointed."

Ben: "I think it'll be quick."
Minion: "Actually, sir, the bleeding is quite a slow process, to give the portal time..."
Ben: "Thank you for the information."

Giles: "I imagine you hate me right now. ... I love Dawn."
Buffy: "I know."
Giles: "But I've sworn to protect this sorry world, and sometimes that means saying and doing what other people can't... they shouldn't have to."
Buffy: "You try and hurt her, and you know I'll stop you."
Giles: "I know."

Buffy: "This is how many apocalypses for us now?"
Giles: "Oh, well... uh... six at least. Feels like a hundred."

Buffy: "The spirit guide told me that death is my gift. I guess that means a Slayer really is just a killer after all."
Giles: "I think you're wrong about that."
Buffy: "Doesn't matter. If Dawn dies, I'm done with it. I'm quitting."

Xander: "Spike's sex-bot. Why didn't they just melt it down into scrap?"
Anya: "Maybe Willow wanted it."
Xander: "I don't think Willow feels that way about Buffy... I mean, I know she's going through a lot of changes..."
Anya: "To study."
Xander: "Right. Robotics. Science."
Anya: "Pervert."
Xander: "Other pervert."

Anya: "God! Who would put something like that there! Is this supposed to be some sort of sick joke? As if things aren't bad enough!... This is an omen."
Xander: "Sshhh."
Anya: "No, no, no, it's an omen. It's a higher power telling me through bunnies that we're all gonna die!"

Anya: "No, you see usually when there's an apocalypse I skedaddle, but now I love you so much that I have inappropriately timed sex and try to think of ways to fight a god."

Xander: "I think we're gonna get through this. I think I'm gonna live a long and silly life, and I'm not interested in doing that without you around."

Anya: "Yes. I mean, yes! ... No!"
Xander: "No?"
Anya: "After. Give it to me when the world doesn't end."

Buffy: "What have you got for me?"
Willow: "Some ideas! Well...notions... or... theories based on wild speculation? Did I mention I'm not good under pressure?"
Buffy: "I need you, Wil. You're my big gun."
Willow: "I'm your... No! I was never a gun! Someone else should be the gun. I could be a cudgel... or a pointy stick!"

Buffy: "You're my best shot at getting her on the ropes, so don't get a jelly-belly on me now."

Willow: "It might weaken Glory... or make her less coherent... or it might make all our heads explode."

Xander: "Hey, I happen to be...."
Spike: "... a glorified bricklayer?"
Xander: "I'm also a swell bowler."
Anya: "Has his own shoes!"
Spike: "The gods themselves do tremble."

Buffy: "I'm counting on you to protect her."
Spike: "'Til the end of the world... even if that happens to be tonight."

Spike: "I know you'll never love me. I know that I'm a monster. But you treat me like a man, and that's.... Get your stuff, I'll be here."

Tara: (to Giles) "You're a killer! This is all set down."

Buffy: "Remember: The ritual starts, we all die; and I'll kill anyone who comes near Dawn."
Spike: "Well, not exactly the St. Crispin's Day speech, was it?"
Giles: "We few, we happy few..."
Spike: "...we band of buggered."

Xander: "Shpedoinkle!"

Glory: "Oh, I need a brain to eat."
Minion: "Oh! Take mine, Oh Groove-tastic One!"
Glory: "I said a brain, you worthless dirt!"

Minion: "Oh, Most Sweaty-Naughty-Feelings-Causing One!"

Minion: "This will be our day of glory!"
Minion 2: "Well, punned!"
Minion: "Well, it just called out to me."

Glory: "The Slayer's a robot! Did everybody else know the Slayer was a robot?"
Buffy: "Glory? You're not the brightest god in the heavens, are you?"

Glory: "You lost your hammer, Sweetcheeks. What're you gonna hit me with now?"
(wrecking ball comes through wall and into her) Buffy: "Whatever's handy."

Xander: "The glorified bricklayer picks up a spare!"

Spike: "Doesn't a fellow stay dead when you kill him?"
Doc: "Look who's talking."

Doc: "I don't smell a soul on you anywhere. Why do you care?"
Spike: "I made a promise to a lady."
Doc: "Oh? ...Then I'll send the lady your regrets."

Giles: "Can you move?"
Ben: "Need a ...a minute. She could have killed me."
Giles: "No, she couldn't. And sooner or later Glory will re-emerge and make Buffy pay for that mercy... and the world with her. Buffy even knows that, and still she couldn't take a human life. She's a hero, you see. She's not like us."
Ben: "Us?"

Dawn: "Buffy!"
Doc: "This should be interesti--uh...ahhhhhhh!"

Buffy: "Dawn, listen to me. Listen: I love you. I will always love you. This is the work that I have to do. Tell Giles I... tell Giles I figured it out, and I'm o.k. Give my love to my friends. You have to take care of them now. You have to take care of each other. You have to be strong. Dawn, the hardest thing in this world is to live in it. Be brave. Live... for me."

BUFFY ANNE SUMMERS
1981 - 2001
BELOVED SISTER
DEVOTED FRIEND
SHE SAVED THE WORLD
A LOT