Season 3 quotes

Band Candy

Giles: "'And on that tragic day, an era came to its inevitable end.' That's all there is. Are you ready?" Buffy: "Hit me." Giles: "Which of the following best expresses the theme of the passage: A) Violence breeds violence, B) All things must end, C)..." Buffy: "B! I'm going with B. We haven't had B in forever." Giles: "This is the SATs, Buffy. Not connect the dots. Please pay attention. A low score could seriously harm your chances of getting into college."
Buffy: "Gee, thanks. That takes the pressure right off."
Giles: "This isn't meant to be easy you know. It's a rite of passage."
Buffy: "Is it too late to join a tribe where they just pierce something or cut something off?"

Buffy: "I broke my No. 2 pencil. We'll have to do this again sometime."
Giles: (handing Buffy a new pencil): C) "All systems tend towards chaos."

Buffy: "And then I was being chased by an improperly filled in answer bubble screaming "None of the above."
Willow: "Wow. I hope that wasn't one of your prophecy dreams.... Probably not."

Willow: "Oz is the highest scoring person never to graduate!"
Buffy: "Isn't she cute when she's proud?"
Oz: "She's always cute."

Willow: "Oz is the highest scoring..."
Cordelia: "We know. We did the impressed thing already."

Willow: "Ooh! Candy bars! Lots of 'em!"
Xander: "Principal Snyder, thank you! You weren't visited by the ghost of Christmas past by any chance?"

Buffy: "I'm sure we love the idea of going all Willy Loman, but we're not in the band."
Principal Snyder: "And if I'd handed you a trombone that would be a problem, Summers. It's candy. Sell it."

Joyce: "Buffy, what would I do with 40 chocolate bars?"
Buffy: "You could hand them out at the gallery. Buy something pre-Columbian; get a free cavity!"

Buffy: "You're a good mom."
Joyce: "The best."
Buffy: "No, I'm pretty sure the best moms let their daughters drive."

Buffy: "I'm not taking off again. Besides, if I wanted to, I could just get on a bus."

Joyce: "Don't you think Mr. Giles is monopolizing an awful lot of your time?"
Buffy: "And does he ever say he's sorry?"
Buffy: "Ow!"
Giles: "I'm sorry."

Angel: "It's late. How'd you get away?"
Buffy: "It was easy. Started a fire in the prison laundry room; rode out in the garbage truck."

Joyce: "Were you at the Bronze? What was happening there that was so important?"
Buffy: "Bronze things. Things of Bronze."

Buffy: "You're both scheduling me 24 hours a day. Between the two of you that's 48 hours!"

Cordelia: "I heard there's a secret rule that if a teacher is more than 10 minutes late, we can all leave early."
Buffy: "It's Giles's turn to watch Study Hall. He'll be here. He's allergic to late."

Ms. Barton: Let's just sit quietly and pretend we're reading something until we're really sure old Commandant Snyder's gone. Then we're all outta here!"
Xander: "Does anyone else want to marry Miss Barton?"
Cordelia: "Get in line."

Joyce: "Take the car, and Mr. Giles can drive me home."
Buffy: "What? Excuse me, I meant WHAT?!"
Joyce: "Keys. Take them."
Buffy: "You don't have to tell me twice. Well, actually, you did but... Bye!"

Willow: "Tell me again how it happened?"
Buffy: "I told my mom I wanted to be treated like a grown up, and voila! Driveyness! Also, I think she wanted me otherwhere. Considering my mom and Giles are planning my future, I think it's easier for them to live my life if I'm not actually there."

Joyce: "So, why do they call you Ripper?"
Giles: "Wouldn't you like to know?"

Principal Snyder: "Hey gang! This place is fun city, huh?"
Buffy: "Principal Snyder?!"
Principal Snyder: "Call me Snyder. Just the last name. Like Barbarino. Oh, I'm so stoked!!"

Principal Snyder: "Hey did you see Miss Barton? I think she's wasted. I'm gonna have to put that in her next performance review....'cause.... 'cause I'm the principal!"

Willow: "I don't like this. They could have heart attacks."
Buffy: "Well, maybe there's a doctor here."
Willow: "I think that is my doctor. He's usually less topless."

Trick: "That's the reason I love this country. You make a good product, and the people will come to you. Of course, a lot of them are going to die, but that's the other reason I love this country."

Oz: "Teenagers. That's a sobering mirror to look into, huh?"

Principal Snyder: "Hey, where are we going? Wait up you guys. You guys aren't trying to ditch me are you?"

Principal Snyder: "Whoa, Summers, you drive like a spaz!"

Willow: "It'll be okay when we get to Giles."
Oz: "Of course, I mean, even if he's sixteen he's still Giles, right? He's probably a pretty together guy."
Willow: "Yeah, well...."
Oz: "What?"
Buffy: "Giles at sixteen? Less Together Guy, more Bad Magic, Hates the World, Ticking Time Bomb Guy."
Oz: "Well, then I guess your mom's in a lot of trouble."

Buffy: "Something's weird."
Oz: "Something's not?"

Joyce: "Hey, look, they're giving away candy. You want some candy?"
Buffy: "No, I don't, and you don't need any more either."
Joyce: "I'm fine. I can have more if I want."
Buffy: "You are not fine. You need to go home."
Joyce: "Screw you. I want candy."
Buffy: "Mom--"
Joyce: "You wanna slay stuff and I'm not allowed to do anything about it. Well this is what I wanna do so get off my back."

Buffy: "Mom, look at your car. Look at that dent the size of New Brunswick. I did that."
Joyce: "Oh my God! What was I thinking when I bought the geek machine?"

Cordelia: "You wanna swap?"
Willow: "What? Swap?"
Cordelia: "You wanna swap. This book is really thick and I'm not sure it's in English."

Giles: "(breathing hard): Bloody hell."
Buffy: "That's what smoking'll do to you."

Buffy: "So, Ethan, what are we playing? We're pretty much in a talk or bleed situation. Your call."
Giles: "Hit him."
Ethan: "I'd just like to point out that this wasn't my idea."
Buffy: "Meaning?"
Ethan: "I'm subcontracting. It's Trick you want. I'm just helping him collect a tribute. For a demon."
Giles: "He's lying. Go on, hit him."
Buffy: "I don't think he is. And shut up."
Giles: "You're my Slayer. Go knock his teeth down his throat."

Buffy: "See if you guys can find something to tie him up with."
Joyce: (sheepishly hands Buffy handcuffs)
Buffy: "Never tell me."

Joyce: "Can we go home now?"
Buffy: "Yeah, we can go home. I've got the SATs tomorrow."
Joyce: "Oh, blow them off. I'll write you a note."

Giles: "I say, your car seems to have had an adventure, doesn't it?"
Joyce: "Buffy assures me that it happened battling evil, so I'm letting her pay for it on the installment plan."
Buffy: "Hey, the way things were going, be glad that's the worst that happened. At least I got to the two of you before you actually did something."
Joyce: "Right."
Giles: "Indeed"
Joyce: "Yes."