B/S Fan Fiction

Forever

Title: Fluffy Forever (Ep 33 of The Fluffy Files)

Author: Hilary

Rating: PG-13

Disclaimer: Everything I have borrowed from Joss.

Author's Notes: From now on I won't be taking the episodes in chronological order. If you want to vote for which episode is done next then go here http://groups.yahoo.com/group/FluffyPolls/join As always assume the episode has run as normal up until the point I start writing.

Dedications: As always thanks to Becca for taking the time to beta for me.

+++++++++++++++++++++

The past few days had gone by in a blur. It was almost like she was watching these scenes play out on the TV. It just didn't seem real. There had been so much to organise; she hadn't had time to stop. In a way she was glad. If she was busy it meant she didn't have to sit down and deal with what had actually happened. Her mother was dead.

Dead.

Even the word sounded strange, like it couldn't refer to her mom. But as Buffy sat there alone she realised she was going to have to accept it. He mom was gone.

She could hear Giles and Dawn in the kitchen, the sound of dishes being cleaned seeming to echo through the house. Neither of them were speaking. She supposed they didn't know what to say.

Willow and Xander had just left but as she sat there in silence Buffy could hear voices coming from outside. One of them was Xander and he sounded angry. Curiosity took over and she headed over to the window, pulling the curtains back slightly so she could see what was going on.

Xander and Willow hadn't rotten far it seemed, they were stood at the bottom of her drive and Willow was wringing her hands nervously while Xander yelled at Spike.

Spike?

Buffy almost had to do a double take to make sure she wasn't seeing things. Sure enough though Spike was stood there, flowers in hand, listening almost calmly as Xander yelled at him.

Buffy's eyes honed in on the flowers. They were wild, most likely hand picked. Her mom would have loved them. She always said she preferred the natural look rather than things which had been cultivated.

She moved over to the door and opened it ever so slightly, just so she could hear what was going on.

"That chip must have fried your brain if you think this is going to get you close to Buffy again." Xander was saying.

Of course he was going to be suspicious. If she had the energy she'd probably be out there shouting at him herself. Spike always had ulterior motives for whatever seeming acts of kindness he did.

"Look, Joyce was a good woman." Spike replied, sounding as though he was struggling to keep her temper at bay. "She's the only one of you lot that ever had time for me. She was never too busy for a cuppa and a chat. She didn't treat me like a freak."

From behind the door Buffy felt the tears build in her eyes. What Spike was saying was true. She'd come home a number of times to find her mom and Spike chatting happily in the kitchen. Of course she'd thrown him out pretty much straight away and although her mom never said anything Buffy now wondered if she'd actually enjoyed the vampire's company. It had never even occurred to her to ask.

"Just because Mrs Summers was too nice to tell you to get lost, doesn't mean you're going to get the same treatment from the rest of us."

Buffy winced; Xander really knew how to be cruel when he wanted to. Especially where Spike was concerned. Of course she'd done her fair share of cruelty as far as he was concerned but she couldn't help but feel a little guilty.

"Fine." Spike sighed, seeing he wasn't even going to get near the house. He threw his flowers to the floor and walked back the way he'd come.

"Can you believe his nerve?" Xander asked as Willow bent down and picked up the flowers.

She frowned as she looked them over before raising her eyes to meet Xander's. "He didn't leave a card."

It took a moment for Willow's words to sink in to both Buffy and Xander. Spike hadn't left a card with the flowers, which meant that he didn't want to take any credit for leaving them. It was just something he wanted to do for Joyce. Before she even realised what she was doing Buffy had thrown open the door and was running down the street.

"Spike!" She called, seeing him walking slowly back towards his cemetery, his head lowered and his shoulders slumped. He stopped at the sound of her voice and turned to see her walking briskly towards him. He braced himself, waiting for some sort of attack which he just knew what coming.

"Hey." She panted, trying to recover from chasing after him. "I just wanted to thank you for the flowers. I know my mom would have liked them."

The look of trepidation melted from Spike's face and he smiled gently. "You're welcome, luv. I'm so sorry about your mum. She was a good woman."

Buffy nodded. "Thanks."

Spike shuffled on his feet for a moment, almost as though he wasn't sure what he was supposed to say or do next.

"How...how are you holding up?" He finally asked.

"It's hard." Buffy said, finding herself being honest for the first time since it happened. "I'm trying to be strong for Dawn and everyone else but I don't know how much longer I can keep it up."

Spike nodded. "But who's being strong for you, luv? You can't do this alone."

"I'm not alone." Buffy replied, trying to convince herself more than anything. "I have my friends and Giles."

Spike nodded, not wanting to argue with her at this stage. "Well, I'm here if you ever want to talk, pet."

Buffy managed a weak smile, the best she could do in the current situation. "Thanks"

Spike nodded again. "Listen, why don't you let me patrol for a few days. Give you some time to get everything sorted out."

Buffy thought for a moment. She really couldn't face patrolling at the moment, and she hated the idea of leaving Dawn alone.

"Thanks, that'd help a lot." She said softly.

Spike nodded. "You just let me know when you're ready to get back in the game."

Buffy nodded her head in thanks. "I should head back."

"Right. I'll head out and do a sweep of the cemeteries." Spike replied, pulling a stake out of his pocket.

"Thanks again, Spike." Buffy said gently before she turned and headed back the way she had come. It was only when she was practically back at her house that she realised that she was supposed to hate Spike. Now here she was thanking him for his kindness and accepting his help.

With a shake of her head she headed into the house where she found Willow, Xander, Dawn and Giles all sat waiting for her.

"Buffy are you ok?" Willow asked with concern.

"Yeah." She replied. "I just wanted to thank Spike for the flowers."

She shot Xander a pointed look, telling him not to argue. Unfortunately her friend either didn't notice or didn't care.

"Buffy, are you nuts? This is exactly what Spike wanted. He's taking advantage of this situation to get back into your life."

"Xander, give her a break." Willow said gently. "She's going through a lot here."

His face softened a little and he smiled gently at her. "I'm sorry, I'm just worried about you. Spike's a monster and I don't want to see him hurt you."

Buffy smiled back. "Xander, it's ok. Spike's just going to patrol for a while to give me a break. That's all."

Xander nodded, clearly not liking the situation. If he had his way Spike would have no involvement in anything. Still, he did know that Buffy needed a break. Maybe Spike would get himself dusted while he was out and do them all a favour.

"Look, we've got a long day tomorrow. Me and Dawn need to sleep."

Everyone seemed to freeze for a second. In all the arguments and discussions about Spike they'd almost forgotten that it was the funeral tomorrow.

Giles was the first to move, rising to his feet and heading for the door. "I'll pick you and Dawn up tomorrow."

Xander and Willow quickly followed suit, heading for the door as well. As soon as they were alone Dawn began to cry quietly

"I wanted to be strong in front of them." She sniffled. "But it hurts. I miss Mom so much."

Without a word Buffy moved next to her sister on the couch and wrapped her arms around her, holding her as she cried. It was amazing how similar they were. The words Dawn had just used were almost exactly the same as the ones Buffy had used to Spike.

"I'm here, Dawnie." Buffy whispered, stroking her sister's hair. "I'm here."

* * *

The funeral seemed to pass by in a blur. It was a quiet event, with only the Scoobies and a small selection of Joyce's friends there. The sun shone brightly in the sky, causing Buffy to squint every time she looked at the minister. Somehow it seemed inappropriate for the weather to be fine at a time like this. In the movies it always rained during a funeral.

The service seemed to go on forever but finally Buffy became aware of Dawn tugging on her sleeve, asking if she could leave now.

Buffy's eyes moved from her sister's tear stained face to the patch of fresh earth in front of her. Somehow she couldn't make her feet work. It was so hard to believe that the ground in front of her held her mother, and would hold her for the rest of eternity.

Tara came over and offered to take Dawn home with her and Willow. Buffy nodded gratefully, thankful that the young witch could see she needed some alone time.

Once everyone was gone Buffy stared at the plot of earth in front of her, a million and one thoughts running through her head. Hours passed and she didn't move once. As soon as she left she knew she'd have to start dealing with her new life. One without her mother, the most solid and constant person in her life.

* * *

Spike made a point of going to Joyce's cemetery first that night. He was buggered if he was going to stand by and watch demons; vampires or even kids touch Joyce's grave. He'd hang around here for most of the night and do a quick sweep of the other hotspots before heading home.

He'd seen the plot that had been marked out for Joyce the day before so he headed there first; just to make sure everything was in order and to pay his respects. As he approached the area he saw a figure stood at the side of the grave. He senses soon told him it wasn't a vampire or demon and as he got closer he saw it was Buffy. She was still dressed in her black funeral clothes which meant only one thing. She'd most likely been stood there all day.

Spike debated whether to leave her to her grieving or to go over and say something to her. Before he'd even finished thinking it over he was walking towards her.

They stood there side by side in total silence for a few minutes. Buffy had barely registered Spike's presence but he couldn't bring himself to leave.

"This should be me." Buffy finally said, her voice so soft and quiet that Spike had to strain to hear. "I'm the one with the short life expectancy. I was supposed to go before her."

"Buffy..." Spike began, but stopped when she turned to face him, anger and pain blazing in her eyes.

"Don't try to tell me it'll be alright." She hissed. "You remember what you told me in the alley that night. Every Slayer has a death wish. Well guess what? Looks like I've lost one of my 'ties' to this world."

Spike stared at her for a moment before his face hardened. There was no way he was going to let her throw her life away because of something he's said.

"I think it leaves you with a sister who needs you more now than she ever has. You just gonna leave her for Glory to get her mits on? Or just hope that she gets put into some foster home with a family she doesn't know, miles away from her friends?"

Buffy faltered. "I-I can't do this. I can't be a mom to Dawn."

"No one's asking you to." Spike replied gently. "Just be Buffy. That's all anyone can ask. Just be there for her."

Tears began to roll down Buffy's cheeks and she wiped them away, ashamed to be in this state in front of Spike.

"But who's gonna be there for me?" She whimpered. "I want my mommy."

As she buried her face in her chest, her whole body shaking with sobs Spike did what he could to comfort her, stroking her hair and making small soothing noises. He wished he could do more but at the moment the only thing he could do was be there for her.

"Come on." He said gently. "I'll take you home."

Buffy nodded and pulled away, allowing Spike the freedom to move. He wrapped one arm around her shoulder, just to give her a little support and the two of them headed back towards the main gate. Spike's car was parked just outside the cemetery and it didn't take long for him to drive Buffy home.

"Here you are." He said as they pulled up outside.

Buffy stared at her house. All the lights were off and it looked so cold and dark. Dawn was obviously staying with Willow and Tara. She imagined what it must be like inside, so quiet and empty. This would be the first time she'd been alone since she'd found her mom on the couch.

"I can't go in there." She whispered, turning to face Spike. "I can't."

Spike could have kicked himself. Of course she wasn't going to want to be alone in the house where her mum had died. He was an idiot.

"Alright, I'll take you somewhere else. Who do you want to go and see? Willow? Giles? Xander?"

Buffy looked back at the house and shook her head. "No, it's ok. Just....will you come inside for a while? I don't want to be alone."

Spike was glad he was sat down because if he hadn't been he almost certainly would have fallen over. She was really inviting him back into her house. And he hadn't even planned it this way. He just wanted to help Buffy get through this.

"Of course I will." He thought for a moment before adding. "I know you're going through a lot right now, so if you want to de-invite me again later I'll understand."

Bloody sap. He thought to himself as he turned the car into the driveway.

As he turned the engine off Buffy twisted in her seat so that she was facing him.

"I'll only de-invite you if you give me a reason to." She said. "You've earned a second chance, don't abuse it."

Spike nodded and got out of the car, moving around to open Buffy's door for her. She smiled gratefully and the two of them headed inside.

* * *

As Buffy flipped on the lights in the living room she gave a small shudder as her eyes found their way to the couch. So many people had sat there since her mom had died she hadn't really had the chance to look at it. Now she couldn't stop staring.

Spike sensed her discomfort and figured that by the way she was staring at the couch that it must have been where her mum had died.

"You want to move into the kitchen?" He asked gently.

Buffy nodded and Spike lead the way, turning on the light and switching the kettle on instinctively. Buffy took a seat as Spike took two mugs out of the cupboard and reached for the hot chocolate.

"You seem to know your way around here pretty well." Buffy mused as she watched him busy himself.

Spike nodded as he poured the hot water into the two mugs. "I used to do this a lot with your mum."

His task complete he handed Buffy one of the mugs and took a seat opposite her.

"I used to come round some nights." He said, hoping that his story wouldn't pain her too much. "Usually when you were out on patrol and the bit was staying with her mates."

Tears rolled down Buffy's cheeks as Spike finished his story.

"She...she was proud of me?"

Spike nodded. "That wasn't the only time she said it either. We used to talk about you a lot, you could see how proud she was and how much she loved you just by looking at her."

Buffy sniffed and wiped her tears away. "I used to wonder whether she wished she had a normal daughter. I mean, being the mother of The Slayer and The Key must have been tough."

Spike shook his head. "It may have been tough but she wouldn't have given it up for anything. You and Dawn are very special and she knew that."

"Do you think it'll ever stop hurting?" Buffy asked. "I miss her so much."

"I remember when my dad died." Spike said. "I was only six and I didn't really understand what was happening. All I knew was that I missed him. I'm not gonna lie to you, luv. It never completely stops hurting. But in time it'll stop hurting as much. A part of her will always be inside you and you'll have your happy memories to look back on."

Buffy nodded. "Thank you, Spike. For everything."

"You're welcome. I'm always here if you need anything, just remember that."

Buffy gave him a small smile. "I will."

As Spike drained his mug Buffy yawned loudly and stretched.

"It's been a long day." Spike said, standing up. "Why don't you get some sleep?"

Buffy nodded and stood as well.

"Spike....would you....stay? Just for tonight. I don't want to be alone."

She looked so scared and vulnerable that Spike couldn't even think about refusing.

"Anything you want Buffy, you just have to ask."

With a grateful smile she headed towards the stairs, turning back when she realised he wasn't following.

"You can sleep in Dawn's room if you like. I'm sure she won't mind."

Spike looked at her uncertainly for a moment before following her up the stairs. When they reached Buffy's door she paused, her hand resting on the handle.

"Spike...I...never mind"

It was obvious there was something she wanted to say but was finding it difficult.

"What is it?" He coaxed gently. "Something you want?"

She nodded. "Would you sit with me until I fall asleep."

The words came out in such a rush that Spike could barely make out what she was saying.

"Of course I will." He replied.

Buffy sighed with relief and stepped into her room, turning on the lamp and grabbing her pyjamas.

"I'll just go change." She said, disappearing out of the door.

While she was gone Spike got the room ready for her, pulling back the covers on her bed, fluffing the pillows and finally pulling a chair over so he could sit close. Not too close of course. He didn't want her freaking out of anything. When everything was finally done he took a seat and waited for Buffy to come back.

When she entered the room Buffy couldn't help but smile when she saw what Spike had done. He really was trying to hard to help and she was grateful for that.

"Thanks." She whispered as she climbed into bed.

"No worries." Spike replied. "I'll be right here if you need anything."

With another grateful smile Buffy switched off the lamp and settled herself down.

"Goodnight Spike." She whispered.

"Night, luv."

As she closed her eyes Buffy's mind turned to the future. She knew things were going to be hard, full of pain for both her and Dawn. But there was one thing she did know, one thing that the vampire sat at her beside had shown her, on thing that made things ever so slightly more bearable

She wasn't alone.

The End