You think you can fool me?! You were my sire, man! You were my... Yoda!
Spike, Schoolhard

Where's the phone? I need to call the police. There's some big 'guy' out there trying to 'bite' someone!
Spike, Schoolhard

Now, I know you haven't been in the game for a while, mate, but we still do kill people. Sort of our raison d'etre, you know.
Spike, Innocence

We like to talk big. Vampires do. 'I'm going to destroy the world.' That's just tough guy talk. Strutting around with your friends over a pint of blood. The truth is, I like this world. You've got... dog racing, Manchester United. And you've got people. Billions of people walking around like Happy Meals with legs. It's all right here. But then someone comes along with a vision. With a real... passion for destruction. Angel could pull it off. Goodbye, Piccadilly. Farewell, Leicester Bloody Square. You know what I'm saying?
Spike, Becoming part2

Dru bagged a Slayer? She didn't tell me! Hey, good for her! Though not from your perspective, I suppose.
Spike, Becoming part2

Is Antonio Banderas a vampire?
No.
Oh. Can I make him a vampire?
No. Wait, on second thought, yeah, go do that. Take your time. Do Melanie and the kids as well.
Spike&Harmony, Harsh Light of Day

Just like Ceasar.
You didn’t hear him say: I came, I conquered and I felt very bad about it.
Spike, Pangs

Oh, leave that one! He looks like he's ready to drop any minute, and I think I can eat someone if he's already dead.
Spike, Pangs

You don't need me. All you care about is lots of orgasms.
OK, remember how we talked about private conversations? How they're less private when they're in front of my friends?
Oh, we're not your friends; go on.
Spike,Xander&Anya, Hush

You look good.
I feel good.
I remember.
Spike&Harmony, Real Me

Bloody hell woman, you're cutting off my circulation!
You don't have a circulation.
Well, it pinches!
Spike&Buffy, Pangs

What's this? Sittin' around watchin' the telly while there's evil still afoot; it's not very industrious of you. I say, we go out there and kick a little demon ass...what can't go without your 'Buffy',that it?..too chicken?....let's find her! She is the chosen one after all-come on...vampires 'urrrr' nasty. Let's annilate them for..justice..and for the safety of puppies and Christms right? Let's fight that evil.....let's kill something!....Oh, come on!
Spike, Doomed

Ahhhh, my head. I think I'm sobering up. It's horrible. Ah... God... I wish I was dead.
Spike, Lover's Walk

I've been doing my homework, reading books and stuff.
What, 'Evil For Dummies'?
Spike&Harmony, Real Me

Should I really trust you?
Scout's honor.
You were a Boy Scout?
Parts of me.
Spike&Adam, New Moon Rising

A bear! You made a bear!
I didn't mean to!
Undo it! Undo it!
Spike, Pangs

Ehhm...where’s the doorknob?
Spike, Halloween

What happened?
We got stuck in the basement.
And Buffy?
She didn’t get stuck in the basement.
Spike&Ford, Lie to me

I know who you are!
I Know who I am too, so what?
Spike&Ford, Halloween

Do you love my insides, the parts you can’t see?
Eyeballs to entrails, my sweet.
Spike&Dru, Halloween

Slayer!! Slayer!!
Here kitty kitty kitty!
Spike, School Hard

There is someone in the cei-ling!!
Spike, School Hard

I’m in a band!
Really what do you play?
Triangle
Drums
And what about you?
I’m the leadsinger!
Spike, Joyce&buffy, Becoming part2

A slayer with family and friends that sure as hell wasn’t in the brochure.
Spike, School Hard

Have we met?
Yeah! You hit me over the head with an axe one time, remember ‘Stay the hell away from my daughter’!
Oh Yeah!
Spike&Joyce, Becoming part2

If every vampire who said he was at the crucifixtion was actually there it would have been like Woodstock.
Spike, School Hard

I was actually at Woodstock, that was a weird gig. I fed of this flowergirl and spent the next six hours watching my hand move.
Spike, School Hard

Who do you have to kill for fun around here?
Spike, School Hard

So when do we destroy the world, already?
Spike, Becoming part2

I did a couple of slayers in my time. I don't like to brag. Who am I kidding? I love to brag.
Spike, School Hard

Whatcha doin', love?
I’m naming all the stars!
You can’t see the stars, love. That’s the ceiling! Also, it’s day!
Spike&Dru, Innocence

Are you insane!? We’re suppose to kill the bitch, not leave gag gifts in the friends’ beds.
Spike, Passion

You can see all that in your head?
No, you ninny. She read it in the morning paper!!
Spike&Angelus, Becoming part1

It’s a big rock, I can’t wait to tell my friends. They don’t have a rock this big.
Spike, Becoming part1

Someone wasn’t worthy.
Spike, Becoming part1

She just left. She didn’t even care enough to cut off my head or set me on fire. I mean, is that too must to ask? You Know? Some little sign that she cared?
Spike, Lover’sWalk

Do I have one on watch here? It’s called security people. Are you all asleep or did we finally found a restaurant that delivers.
Spike, Lie To Me

Where have you been, pet?
I went for a walk. I met an old man. I didn’t like him, he got stuck in my teeth!
Spike&Dru, Becoming part1

What are you doing here Spike? Five words or less!
Out....For....A....Walk....Bitch!!
Spike&Buffy

Oh, look at my poor neck... all bare and tender and exposed. All that blood, just pumping away.
ROh, please.
Giles, make her stop!
If those two don't kill each other, I might lend a hand.
Spike,Giles&Buffy

I need you to take Spike for a few days.
What?
What?
What?
I'm not stayin' with him.
I have a friend who's coming to town, and I'd like us to be alone.
Oh, you mean an orgasm friend?
Yes, that's exactly the most appalling thing you could have said.
Spike,Giles, Xander en Anya, Hush

I'm not having these two shag while I'm tied to a chair three feet away.
That's not exactly one of my fantasies, either.
Spike&Xander

We're out of Wheat-a-Bix.
We are out of Wheat-a-Bix because you ate it all. Again.
Get some more.
I thought vampires were supposed to eat blood.
Yeah, well, sometimes I like to crumble up the Wheat-a-Bix in the blood. Gives it a little texture.
Since the picture you just painted means that I will never touch food of any kind again, you'll just have to pick it up yourself.
Sissy.
Spike&Giles

Everytime you show up like this, you risk all your parts, you know that?
I wouldn't be here if I didn't have a good reason. As usual, I'm here to help you and I... are you naked under there?
Get out.
No, I'm serious. I mean, not about the naked part...
Spike&Buffy

Get out of here!!
Yeah, you’re not invited!
He’ll kill us.
Not while I’m breathing. Well, actually, I don’t breathe.
Spike&Joyce, Lover’s walk

You have your way with him, you’ll never get to destroy the world. And I don’t fancy spending the next month trying to get librarian out of the carpet.
Spike, Becoming part2

How can I thank you, you mysterious black-dad-hunk-of-a-knight-thing?
No need little lady. Your tears of gratitude are enough for me. You see, I was once a bad-ass vampire. But love, and a pesky curse, defanged me. And now, I just a big fluffy puppy with bad teeth. No! Not the hair! Never the hair!
But the must be some way I can show my appreciation,
No, helping those in need is my job. And working up a load of sexual tension and prancing away like a magnificent proof is truly thanks enough.
I understand. I have a nephew who’s gay, so....
Say no more. Evil is still afoot. And I’m almost out of that Nancy-boy hairgel I like so much. Quickly! To the Angel-mobile! Away!
Spike, In The Dark

What are you gonna do with him anyway?
I’m thinking maybe dinner and a movie. Don’t want to rush into anything. I’ve been hurt you know.
Spike&Willy, What’s My Line part2

Don’t I get a cookie?
No
Well, I have to gotta have something. I still have Buffy-taste in my mouth.
Spike&Buffy, Something Blue

Xander don't you care about me?
Shut up.
We never talk.
Shut up!
Xaaaaanderrrrr.
SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!
Spike(voice of Anya)&Xander, Hush

Spike: The last time I looked in on you two, you were fighting to the death. Now you're back making googly eyes at each other like nothing happened. Makes me want to heave.
Buffy: I don't know what you're talking about.
Spike: Oh yeah, you're just friends.
Angel: That's right.
Spike: You're not friends. You'll never be friends. You'll be in love 'til it kills you both. You'll fight, and you'll shag, and you'll hate each other til it makes you quiver, but you'll never be friends. Love isn't brains, children. It's blood. Blood screaming inside you to work its will. I may be love's bitch, but at least I'm man enough to admit it.

Spike: The Ring of Amara. Official sponsor of my killing you.