Season 2 quotes

Ted

Buffy: "I was just--"
Willow: "Thinkin'?"
Buffy: "No. Not thinking. Having a lot of happy non-thoughts."

Xander: "How is Angel? Pretend I care?"
Buffy: "Getting better."
Willow: "And you're loving playing nursemaid?"
Buffy: "Oh yeah!"
Xander: "So, is it better than playing naughty stewardess?"

Willow: "Yeah, but who can afford the upgrades?"
Ted: "You can! I get the demos for free. I don't see why I shouldn't give 'em to you for the same price, any friend of Buffy's."
Willow: "[sound]"
Ted: "What?"
Xander: "Oh, that's a sound she makes when she's speechless with geeker
joy."

Xander: "Ted is the master chef."
Buffy: "Fine, so he's a good cook. What does that really tell you about a
person?"
Xander: "Everything."

Buffy: "I mean, so far, all I see is someone who apparently has a good job,
seems nice and polite, and my mother really likes him."
Xander: "What kind of a monster is he?"
Buffy: "I'm just saying there's something a little too clean about this clown."
Willow: "It's a clean clown! I have...my...own fun."

Xander: "Having issues much?"
Buffy: "I am not!"
Xander: "You're having parental issues. You're having parental issues."
Willow: "Xander."
Xander: "What? Freud would have said the exact same thing...except he might not have done that little dance."

Ted: "Buffy, do you like miniature golf?"
Xander: "Who doesn't?!?!"

Buffy: "So Mom's like, "Do you think Ted will like this?" and "This is Ted's
favorite show," and "Ted's teaching me computers," and "Ted said the funniest
thing," and I'm like, "That's really great, Mom," and then she said I was being sarcastic, which I was, but I'm sorry if I don't talk about Ted all the time."
Angel: "So you're gonna' talk about something else at some point?"

Angel: "Kiss me."
Buffy: "Finally, something I wanna' do."

Joyce: "You know how rare it is to find a man that cooks?"
Ted: "I know I've been looking a long time for one."

Ted: "So Buffy, I bet the boys are lined up around the block trying to get a date with you."
Buffy: "Not really."
Willow: "Oh, they are! But she's only interested in...uh, her studies!
Book-Cracker Buffy. It's...kind of her nick name!"

Buffy: "Find out his secrets. Hack into his life."
Xander: "Can you say 'overreaction'?"
Buffy: "Can you say 'sucking chest wound'?"

Buffy: "And Mom's been totally different since he's around."
Willow: "Different, like happy?"
Buffy: "Like Stepford."

Ted: "So, from now on, you'll do what I say when I say, or I show this to your mother, then you'll spend your best dating years behind the wall of a mental institution."

Xander: "What was he? A demon, a giant bug, some kind of dark god with the secrets of Nouvelle cuisine. I mean, we are talking creature feature here, right?"

Xander: "Look, Buffy, I don't know what happened exactly, but I do know you, and I know you would never hurt anyone intentionally. Well, you know, unless--"
Buffy: "Unless...they were dating my mother?"

Xander: "Man, this is killing me! That bastard was up to something, I know it. If I could just get my hands on him...earlier this week."
Cordelia: "I thought you liked him."
Xander: "I sometimes like things that are not good for me."

Xander: "He's gotta' be in there, Will. Uh, history of domestic violence, a
criminal record--ooh, cookies!"

Cordelia: "I don't get it. Buffy's the Slayer, shouldn't she have--"
Xander: "What, a license to kill?"
Cordelia: "Well, not for fun, but she's like this Superman. Shouldn't there be different rules for her?"
Willow: "Sure, in a fascist society."
Cordelia: "Right! Why can't we have one of those?"

Giles: "She's taken a human life. The guilt, it's-it's-it's pretty hard to bear. It won't go away soon."
Cordelia: "I guess you should know since you helped raise that demon that
killed that guy that time."
Giles: "Yes, do let's bring that up as often as possible."

Xander: "Buffy's cleared! Willow, you are the best human ever, I adore you! Well, that's the cookies talking, but you rock."

Buffy: "Well, it's official. This day can't get any worse."
Ted: "Beg to differ."

Buffy: "You died."
Ted: "That's right, little lady, you killed me. Do we have something to say about that? Are we sorry?"

Buffy: "What are you?"
Ted: "I'm a salesman! That's what you should have remembered. No matter how you put him down...a good salesman always bounces back."

Willow: "So far, I've counted four marriage certificates."
Xander: "Any divorce papers?"
Willow: "Not a one."
Xander: "So either our boy was a Mormon, or--"
Willow: "Whoa, whoa, 1957! Ted must have married young, like pre-school
young."

Joyce: "Do you wanna' rent a movie tonight?"
Buffy: "Sounds like fun."
Joyce: "Just nothing with horror in it. Or romance. Or men."
Buffy: "I guess we're Thelma and Louise-ing it again."
Joyce: "Mm-hmm. Good call."

Buffy: "He's not coming back."
Joyce: "I wish we could be so sure."
Buffy: "Trust me, he's on the scrap heap."
Joyce: "..."
Buffy: "Of life."