Season 3 quotes

The Zeppo

Willow: "Are you okay?"
Xander: "Tip-top, really. If anyone sees my spine laying around, just try not to step on it."
Buffy: "Xander, one of these days you're gonna get yourself hurt."
Faith: "Or killed."
Buffy: "Or both. And, you know, with the pain and the death, maybe you shouldn't be leaping into the fray like that. Maybe you should be... fray-adjacent."
Xander: "Excuse me? Who, at a crucial moment, distracted the lead demon by allowing her to pummel him about the head?"
Faith: "Yeah, that was real manly how you shrieked and all."
Xander: "I think you'll find that was more of a bellow."

Cordelia: "Boy, of all the humiliations you've had I've witnessed, that was the latest."

Cordelia: "O'Toole would macramé your face. He is a psycho... which is still a lot cooler than being a wuss."

Xander: "Why is it that I've come face-to-face with vampires, demons, the most hideous creatures hell ever spit out, and I'm still afraid of a little bully like Jack O'Toole?"
Cordelia: "Because, unlike all those other creatures that you've come face-to-face with, Jack actually noticed you were there."
Xander: "Why am I surprised by how comforting you're not?"

Buffy: "And they're here in Sunnydale for what, Demon Expo?"
Giles: "Buffy, this is no laughing matter."
Buffy: "Hence my no laughing."

Buffy: "Do you remember the demon that almost got out the night I died?"
Willow: "Every nightmare I had that doesn't revolve around academic failure or public nudity is about that thing. In fact, once I dreamt that it attacked me while I was late for a test, and naked."

Xander: "Angel! Buddy! Friend-buddy. You want to sit and talk?"

Xander: "You know, it's not like I haven't helped before. I've done some quality violence for these people."

Xander: "I'm really sorry about that, but your car came out of nowhere."
Jack O'Toole: "I was parked."
Jack O'Toole: "Where do you want it?"
Xander: "I'm fairly certain I don't want it at all. But, uh, thank you."
Girl: "Wow. Cool knife."
Xander: "Yeah, great knife. Although I think it may technically be a sword."
Jack O'Toole: "She's called Katie."
Xander: "You gave it a girl's name. How very serial killer of you."

Jack O'Toole: "Are you scared?"
Xander: "Would that make you happy?"

Jack O'Toole: "Don't you feel pathetic?"
Xander: "Mostly, I feel Katie."
Jack O'Toole: "You know what the difference between you and me is?"
Xander: "Again, Katie's springing to mind."

Girl: "I want to go for a ride. I'm bored."
Xander: "Oh, gee, I'm really sorry my life-and-death situation isn't exciting enough for you."

Jack O'Toole: "I like you."
Xander: "Yay?"

Corpse #2: "You want to be part of the gang, now don't you?"
Xander: "Yes. Yes, but I'm not dying to be in the gang, if you get the pun there."
Bob: "What, are you too good to be dead? You got a problem with dead people?"

Corpse #2: "Let's kill Xander. It'll be fun."

Xander: "Where's a Slayer when you need one?"

Xander: "Hello nasty. Less than two minutes. Dumb guy, little bomb. How hard can it be?"
Jack O'Toole: "It just got harder."
Xander: "I'm not leaving until that thing's disarmed."
Jack O'Toole: "I guess you're not leaving."

Jack O'Toole: "First the eyes, then the tongue. I'll break every one of your fingers."
Xander: "You gonna do all that in 49 seconds?"

Jack O'Toole: "I'm not afraid to die. I'm already dead."
Xander: "Yeah, but this is different. Being blowed up isn't walking around and drinking with your buddies dead. It's little bits being swept up by a janitor dead, and I don't think you're ready for that."