"Chevy Van"

Author: Mrs. Muir
Email: whenbuffysmiles@aol.com
Site: When Buffy Smiles
Rating: NC17
Pairing: B/S
Summary: A 'what if all the gang had met in elementary school' story.

The summer of '76 was supposed to be the summer of his life.

It was the time when he was supposed to go from being a boy to a man. Spike had just graduated from high school. Most of his fellow students couldn't believethat he had graduated in the top 5% of their class. They all thought he was theclassic loner bad boy. That was because they didn't take the time to know him.He had been the new boy when his mum had moved them here so she could get married. Over time he had gone from being the new boy to the bad boy.

It was his shyness and poet's soul that set him apart. His mum had never really settled in one place very long so he never got the chance to make friends. Or have a girl friend. And by the time she had moved him here he didn't care about being around people anymore. So, he changed things to please himself. He started to emulate the punk rock movement wishing that he was brave enough to be as rebellious as they were. To be able to live his life on the edge away from the normalcy that held him captive.

In one of his rare moments of independence his hair had gone from the curly brown afro to platinum blond with spikes. That one act had given him the courage to change other things about his looks. A cigarette was never far from his mouth while in his ear shone a diamond solitaire. The catcher in his looks was his leather duster bought from a thrift store. All the guys hated him and the girls watched him walk down the hall. But no one approached him.

For the most part it didn't bother him except for Cecily. One of the popular girls who was both smart and pretty. From the first day he had seen her in English class he had loved her. She was the star of his fantasies and the inspiration for his poems. But she ignored him and he didn't have the guts to approach her. So, he was alone with his thoughts and dreams and class work. Thus giving him the time to make the grades that gave him a full scholarship to any college he wanted. His somewhere distant future was secure while his present was a lonely odyssey of self doubt.

It was the van that actually changed things for him. A graduation present from his stepfather. Spike knew that the old man was just trying to score points with him but it was okay. Even if they never talked about it he was already in Spike's affection. He had given his mum what she needed to settle down and try to make a decent life. The van was definitely a much appreciated bonus that sealed their relationship. It was a used 1975 Chevy van called the Kozy Kar. It was called that because it had the bed in the back and room for a second row of seats. But he had taken those out because he wasn't going to be giving rides to anyone.

The van had given him an edge of confidence that he had lacked. It made him feel like the man he wanted to be. Like he could actually be a part of the cool kids crowd. That they might give him a chance to be a part of them filled him with hope that his life might change.

He decided it was time to do something that he never thought he would which was to ask Cecily out on a date. Spike decided now that school was out the best place for him to approach her would be the class graduation party. Since they didn't move in the same circles he probably wouldn't see her again after that. So the party was pretty much it for his chances. The plan was made and set into motion.

He spent a lot of time preparing for the party. The right clothes and the right look. It made him feel a little silly primping like a girl. But he wanted as much confidence from his looks as he could get. But he stuck with his punk looks. A t-shirt that proclaimed his allegiance to the music of Patti Smith and faded blue jeans finished off with his steel toed boots. His hair was freshly bleached to the platinum that was his trademark. His cologne was Brut. Actually he had borrowed it from his stepfather but knew that a lot of the girls liked it. After checking himself out in the mirror from every angle he decided he was ready. All he needed was his duster to finish it off.

The other kids had looked at him strangely when he walked in. That was the first time that he had shown up at any of the class functions except for graduation. Ignoring the stares directed at him he moved through the crowd looking for her. Finally he spotted her in the well lit section of the banquet hall. She was with her little group of friends shining like the star she was. They were all dressed in the latest fashion and talking a little too loud. They wanted to make sure everyone knew that they were the ones to watch. That their group were the ones that led the way.

Spike hesitated off to the side waiting for the right moment. In his hand was the poem he had written for her. It had taken him hours to compose it and get it just right. To find a word that rhymed with effulgent. But it was done. And perfect. He started rehearsing what he would say when he asked her out. All he wanted was a shot. There wasn't anything wrong with him. At least he kept telling himself that.

It's going to be okay. Just go up and ask her out. Tell her how pretty she looks. Just don't be hesitant. She likes guys with control.

Taking a deep breath he was ready to approach her as some of her friends wandered off. He moved toward her with the poem clutched tightly in his fingers. His palms were sweaty and his stomach tied up in knots.

"Well, well, look who is here. The class clown. Did you lose your way?"

It was Angel. The one who had never let him alone. The star quarterback. He always tormented Spike every chance he got. And he was the one who gave him the nickname Spike. This was his only redeeming quality. To Spike it was way cooler than the previous nickname of Willie. Wee Willie. Guess what that stood for? Not that anyone would know except him. No one had been close enough to find out.

"No. This is the class graduation party right?" Spike answered Angel with a lot more bravado than he felt. His eyes began to dart around for a quick exit. He felt trapped as some of Angel's buddies closed in around him.

"The clown has some balls after all." Angel announced to his admiring audience. His voice boomed over the music and other conversations. The kids close enough to hear stopped what they were doing to turn around and look at the group surrounding Spike. The air crackled in anticipation of what was going to happen.

"Hey, what's this?" Angel looked around him to make sure that people were watching him before snatching the poem from Spike's hand. He tried to snatch it back protesting that it was private. But it only made Angel more determined to humiliate him. He held the poem up in his beefy hands and began to read.

"My heart expands 'tis grown a bulge in't inspired by your beauty effulgent." Angel stopped reading as laughter broke out around him. He got the reaction he was looking for in his fans. And at the expense of poor Spike standing there with his heart breaking. He blinked the tears back before that completed his disgrace. Turning he pushed his way through Angel's group and headed for the nearest exit.

Then he saw her. Cecily was headed down the hallway toward the bathrooms. He followed her after making sure that no one was watching. She had taken a seat on a bench outside of the Women's room. Spike walked up to her slowly. She seemed distressed by what had just happened. That Angel had embarrassed her too by his actions. Hope soared in his heart that maybe she was feeling his pain. That maybe she did have feelings for him after all. Taking another deep breath for courage he went to sit next to her. His knee almost touched hers giving him a chill of the sexual awareness kind. Spike folded his hands in his lap and kept his legs together hoping she wouldn't notice his reaction to her nearness.

Cecily turned to look at him with disdain on her face.

"Leave me alone, Spike." She turned to look down the hall to make sure that no one was approaching. It would be all over town tomorrow that she was seen talking to him. It would ruin her reputation.

Spike took it to mean that she was nervous about being next to him. His feelings projected onto the girl next to him. This was something that he had wanted for so long. To have this girl let him love her. He believed that Cecily had to be hiding her true feelings for him because he was so sure that they were meant to be. She would be free to express herself if he could just make her feel enough at ease.

"They're bullies. Can't you see? They're not like you and I."

Her eyes came back to look questioningly into his face. Spike shivered in anticipation of what he thinks will be the moment when all of his waiting and dreaming will be fulfilled. It fleetingly crossed his mind whether he should attempt to kiss her now or wait until after the words were spoken.

"You and I?" Then she laughed up at him.

Spike tried to form the words to tell her that yes they could be a couple. He wanted to say that he loved her but found that his throat had closed up from the panic that had taken control of his body.

"That poem that Angel was reading was it about me?" She asked so solemn. Like her whole world depended on his answer.

"Yes, it is." The words came from somewhere inside of him. He didn't even realize he was saying them. Every part of his being was centered on this girl beside him.

"Why would you write it for me?"

This was the moment he had been waiting for. To tell her what is in his heart. But as he opened his mouth to tell her someone stepped into the hallway. It was Angel.

"Because he's in love with you."

Cecily looked up at Angel with a shy smile.

"And the really sad part is he actually thinks he has a chance with someone like you."

He reached down and took her hand. Spike couldn't get a cohesive thought much less a word out as Cecily allowed him to take her hand and bring her to her feet. No! This is wrong. It's not supposed to be this way.

"Cecily, you don't need to leave with him. You can be with me if you want." Spike stumbled over the last words as he completely laid his heart out for her. A huge lump lodged in his throat as he waited for her to give him permission. Permission to protect her. But as he waited she turned to him and laughed.

"Please, Spike, you and me? You're not good enough for me."

She turned to Angel allowing him to put his arm around her shoulders. They started to walk down the hallway laughing at his humiliation. The tears burned his eyes as he fought to keep them from falling. As he tried to pull himself together enough to do something Angel turned back to him.

"Here." A crumpled ball of paper was tossed at him. His reflexes took over as he caught it. "Try to use that shit on someone pitiful enough to actually buy it."

He didn't even wait for them to turn and walk away. There was an exit door behind him and he ran for it.

She doesn't know what she is doing. This was supposed to be our night. Damn Angel. Damn him to hell.

The total devastation of her betrayal swept through his slim frame. He would have done anything for her. Anything. And she had thrown it away to walk on the arm of the walking steroid Angel. He wasn't good for anything but using his mom's hair gel and throwing a football. Maybe he should have waited and gotten Cecily out in the parking lot before doing anything. If she had just seen his new ride she would have changed her mind.

He slammed through the door letting the force of his anger carry it. It banged backwards against the wall. Then once the hinges had had enough it brought it back toward him hitting him in the shoulder before he could get away.

"Fuck." He shouted out to the empty parking lot. Then quickly looked around to make sure he was. At first he didn't see anyone as his blue eyes penetrated through the darkness. Then he heard giggles. He turned toward the sound and saw them.

Drusilla and Darla.

The class sluts. Or so everyone said. Angel had actually dated them once. At the same time. He told all the guys in the locker room they didn't mind sharing. Him. Sex was supposed to be about love and the thought of just doing it for a fuck sickened Spike. It went against everything he had believed in. But then at the moment love wasn't doing anything for him.

He stopped and stared at them. His eyes took in their too short skirts and their too tight shirts. Shirts they had unbuttoned enough so the tops of their breasts were in danger of falling out. Breasts that made him want to touch them. Drusilla was all milky white and soft looking. Darla was all firm and tanned. Both of their legs went on forever. He licked his lips at the sight before him.

They giggled again as they walked toward him.

"What has got you all pissed off?" Drusilla asked as she continued to walk up to him. She didn't stop until she was practically on top of him.

"Nothing."

The past hour was not something he was going to share. Especially to the likes of them. He inhaled as Drusilla's perfume tickled his nose. It was Jovan musk an earthy scent that matched her attitude. He had always thought she was kind of flaky but at this point who was he to argue.

"Is that your new van?" Darla came up on the other side of him. Her breasts brushed up against his arm sending him promises of things to come. He could feel himself begin to twitch again in his skin tight jeans.

"Yeah, it is." He looked down at her in fascination as she licked her lips at him. He quickly looked back at Drusilla as she trailed a finger down his arm. Watched as goose bumps showed up on his arm in the wake of her flesh. She looked up at him under her lids then she smiled a slow sexy smile.

"Do we get a tour?"

It was now or never. He looked briefly back at the way he had come. Somehow praying that Cecily would come looking for him. His heart sank when he realized that she wasn't coming. Why not? Did it matter? The girl he had been saving it for didn't want it.

"Yeah. Come on."

He took a step forward as the girls attached themselves to either of his arms. They walked together toward the van. Still trying to be the gentlemen that he thought he was he gave them a hand into the van. But he had to admit the view was nice as their skirts went almost the way up to their bottoms and he got a glimpse of panties. The sweat started to gather under his arms as he actually saw underwear on a girl for the first time.

God, please don't let me blow this. Maybe I shouldn't be asking you this but I am eighteen and just a little experience would be nice.

He climbed in behind them closing the door behind him. The two girls had sat on the edge of the bed. Darla patted the space between them indicating they wanted him to sit between them. With alternating hope and trepidation of what he thought he wanted. He slipped down between the two girls. His hands clasped between his knees.

"This is really nice, Spike. All the comforts of home." Drusilla purred in his ear as she slipped her hand on his leg.

He gulped. It was a wonder they didn't hear him. Or the pounding of his heart as it raced in anticipation. Darla giggled in his ear while she ran a hand along his arm. He had a massive hard on being this close to two girls at the same time. Leaning forward slightly he hoped they wouldn't notice. Drusilla leaned toward him putting her hand on his face. He turned to look at her just as she came toward him.

Then it was her lips on his.

Oh shit. What do I do? I have actual girl lips on mine. Do something. Damn it. Move your lips.

Her tongue was trying to enter his mouth so he opened it. As she started to move it around he tried to mimic her motions. She broke free from him and then Darla turned him toward her. She was more aggressive in her kiss almost biting his tongue in her enthusiasm. For a few minutes he was passed from one pair of lips to the other.

I have died and gone to heaven. I am the shit. This is so far out. I went from kissing no one to two girls in one night.

Just as he was wondering how to move them to another level. They broke it off. As he stared in amazement from one girl to the other. They exchanged a look between them that he never even noticed.

"What are you planning for the summer?" Drusilla asked him innocently.

He shrugged his shoulders and told her nothing.

"So, how do you feel about San Francisco?" Darla asked him as she squeezed his inner thigh.

"San Francisco?" Spike's mind was still on making out and it took him a moment to comprehend what the girls were asking him.

"Yeah, you know that city to the north of us." Darla answered her voice thinly disguising her sarcasm.

Spike started to withdraw from them as he realized they were toying with him. His eyes became shuttered as he looked at the pretty little blond that was still pressed against him.

"Spike." Drusilla softly called his attention away from her friend. When he turned toward him she began to lay small feather kisses against his cheek moving her way down to his neck. "We want you to go with us on the trip." Her tongue circled his ear. "We're all on the outside of those people that are inside having so much fun." Her hand moved up his thigh to come to lie on his stomach. "I just want us to celebrate graduation with a trip. So, why don't we all just go together?" Her lips came back to settle on his moving her tongue against his while her hand traveled between his legs. She stroked his hardness with a practiced hand. "There is so much fun that we can have together."

Then Dru pulled away from him leaving her hand where it was. Spike looked at her wanting someone to want him so badly. His eyes narrowed as he searched hers for the truth. She looked back at him her eyes openly returning his search. What the hell? Why not just go? What else did he have to do for the next couple of months? Maybe she wasn't lying. Maybe for once someone did want him around.

"Okay. When are we leaving?" He looked at her waiting for some sign of what was to come. Drusilla pulled back clapping her hands.

"Goody. We are going to San Francisco."

Darla laughed and reached over to hug him while Drusilla hugged him from the other side. He laughed as he hugged them back.

They both started talking of what they were going to do while they were there. He just sat back and listened to their excited voices. It was decided that they would leave on Tuesday morning. Darla had a cousin who lived in San Francisco that they could crash with while they were there.

The plan just fell together as they sat on either side of him deciding everything. Spike just went along with whatever they decided while he tried to ignore the small nudging of caution that moved through his belly.

Neither one of them touched him anymore that night until he dropped them off at Dru's house. But then it was just quick kisses to his cheek as they told him good night. Phone numbers had been exchanged so they could solidify the plans in the next couple of days. As he drove away from them he worried if he had made the right decision. But for once in his life he just wanted to take a chance. So, he buried his feelings behind a huge wall of hope that this would be okay.

He had been swinging from one extreme to the other ever since Saturday night. He would tell himself not to go on this trip and then a moment later he would throw caution to the wind and tell himself to go. His parents had thrown a fit about it telling him that he was crazy. The more they yelled the more he dug in about going. He was old enough to make his own decisions. Even if he did agree with them that it would be a mistake. Not that he would ever let them know that.

The final push to go had happened on Monday night. The girls had come by so they could all go out and pick up a few things for the trip. While they were at the store the three of them had run into Angel and Cecily.

"I hear the three of you are going away together." Angel had asked as he stood in front of them. The girls had moved to Spike's side and told him that yes they were.

Angel had laughed. Loudly. It seemed to be his trademark to be the center of attention.

"That should be interesting the virgin and the whores on a trip. I wonder who will be more disappointed in the action. Will it be the virgin because he can't keep up with the whores or the whores who have to teach the virgin everything?"

Angel looked down at the things that he was carrying and pulled a small box out. He tossed it toward Spike. It took him a second after he caught the box to realize that it was a box of condoms. Disbelief and anger surged through Spike.

"Don't be mad, man. Of course they were mine but I think you'll need them more than me. Don't want to get the clap from those two. And if you need any advice on pleasing a woman I'll be glad to help out." Angel gave him a wink like they were old friends or something.

To Spike it was the final straw. The years of being the bunt of Angel's jokes and taunts had been building to this moment. The implication that he was sleeping with the girl he loved made him lose whatever control he had been hanging onto. Before anyone realized what was happening his fist connected with Angel's jaw. Spike briefly questioned his decision when the punch didn't take Angel down. His hand held the spot where Spike had hit while the surprise of him fighting back was evident on his face. Angel grabbed Spike by the front of his duster and swung. The two went down in a blur of fists and recoiling bodies. Angel had size on his side and Spike had pure fury pushing him on. Angel was getting as good as he was giving as they rolled on the floor. The fight didn't last long as the manager and assistant manager came to pull them apart.

They stood staring each other down. Both of them were panting for a chance to have a second go at it. Blood was dripping from Spike's nose and Angel's swelling eye was beginning to close.

"Both of you get out of my store now." The manager yelled at them as he grabbed Angel by the shirt collar and started to pull him toward the front of the store. Cecily flashed Spike a look of hatred before she followed Angel out the door.

"You okay?" Drusilla asked him as he wiped the blood from his face with the back of his hand. Spike looked down at her and nodded his head.

When the assistant manger reached for his arm Spike pulled away from him so he could walk out the door on his own. Dru hurried to his side holding onto his arm as they walked from the store.

It was the knowing that Cecily would never be his and the realization that he didn't want her anymore was the deciding factor. She wasn't who he had thought she was. When she sold out for flash and popularity it made her unattractive to him. He wanted a chance to do something different. To try to stretch out of the role he had created for himself so no matter the doubts he decided he was going to San Francisco for the summer.

Tuesday morning found him in his room throwing the last of his things into his bag. His mum walked into the room as he was stuffing some t-shirts in the already filled bag. There had been another fight last night when he had come home with blood on his clothes and lipstick smeared on his neck. She came around to sit on his bed facing him as he stood at the foot of it.

"You're really going to go?"

"Yeah, looks like it."

He was still angry with her about her lack of trust in him. It was difficult for him to see her side of things. That he had always been home with no indication of this sudden change. The need to fight, to be with girls who would get him into trouble, and the need to leave like this for the summer. All he knew was that he felt trapped here. And that she was trying to keep him here.

Spike looked up at his mum as she played with a loose thread in the bedspread. Deciding to ignore her he zipped up the bag and turned to put his duster on.

"Son, I can't keep you here." He froze as she started to speak to him. "But remember that you can always come home if something goes wrong. We won't hold it over your head or try to make you feel that you were wrong. It's hard for me to realize that you are grown. And you need to stretch your wings a bit. Just be careful."

Then her hand was on his shoulder turning him so that she could hug him. He wrapped his arms around her happy that she in her own way had given him her blessing to go. She told him that his stepfather had put some extra cash in his hiding spot in the van. Just in case he needed it.

There were tears in his eyes as he walked out the door. Something inside was telling him that he would never return to this home as the boy that was leaving it now. Good or bad this summer would change him permanently.

It wasn't until the three of them had hit the highway that he felt himself begin to relax. The tension of the past few days drifted away in the dust behind the van. His heart became lighter the further that they went. A smile drifted across his face as he stepped on the gas and the van picked up speed. Home was becoming a distant memory in the wake of his new freedom.

A quick glance in the mirror showed him Darla curled up in his bed sleeping. She had never looked more innocent or so young than she did in that moment. He shook his head because he knew that she didn't really like him. Her affection to him was nothing more than a means to an end. It didn't really bother him as the feelings were mutual. She tried to come across as sweet but there was a cruel twist to her lips that made her seem old and jaded.

It was Drusilla that confused him. When he had picked them up Darla had immediately crawled into the back to sleep but Dru had come to sit in the seat across from him. Just a simple good morning was all she said. In her hands had been some magazines that she became lost in. The only other movement she had made was to change the radio to a station that played the top 40 hits. She seemed cold and distant this morning when just the night before she had been different.

After they had left the store she had told him to go ahead and take Darla home first. When they were alone she had given him directions to a darkened side street and had shown him where to park. Then she had taken him by the hand to lead him to the back of the van. Her touch had been almost gentle as she had lain down with him. But her kisses were harsh and he had to try to keep up with her. His mind was constantly going as to how to please her.

She had to have known that he didn't have a clue as to what to do but she just kept pushing him further. But yet every time his hands had tried to stray from her waist she would move them back. Finally she had broken away from him and had told him that it was only going to be kissing. When he had finally dropped her off he had felt so frustrated that he felt he was going to explode. And later at home as he wrapped his hand around himself he wondered if there was a girl out there that could love him. If somewhere there was a girl that would let him love her with all the loneliness in his heart.

He sighed as he glanced sideways at Dru lost in her magazine because he knew this wasn't the one. Finally, she noticed the looks that were being directed her way.

"Everything okay?" She asked as she turned to look at him. A hand came to sweep back a lock of hair from her face.

"Yeah. Everything's cool. Are you hungry? There's a rest stop coming up." He tried to cover up his confusion with a take charge attitude.

She nodded her head and crawled in the back to wake Darla up. He kept glancing back at the two of them as they giggled about something. Darla stretched slowly bringing her shirt up so that her stomach was exposed. As he watched she had met his eyes in the mirror and had giggled at him staring at her. He knew he had been caught as a blush crept across his face. Spike turned to keep his eyes on the road as he heard the two of them whispering. They had to have been talking about him. As hard as he could he tried not to let it bother him but it did.

They stayed in the back until they pulled into the parking lot of a truck stop. As they crawled out and made their way in to the restaurant it seemed every man around was watching the two.

Spike tried to ignore the attention they were getting as they made their way to a booth in the back. He slid on one side while they sat on the other.

"Did you notice that hunk sitting at the table in the front?" Darla asked Drusilla as they looked over the menus.

"Yes, he was really cute." Drusilla answered her as they giggled about their mutual attraction to a stranger.

Spike glanced up at them as they continued to talk about the men in the place. Although there no agreements about any of them being together he couldn't believe they could be this cold. As Drusilla met his eyes he saw a flash of guilt in them as she realized what she had done. Darla looked from one to the other then reached a hand over to cover Spike's.

"You don't mind us talking about this do you? I mean since none of us are exclusive or anything." She opened her eyes a little to try to appear innocent and gave his hand a gentle squeeze. He pulled his hand away from her.

"Darla, quit." Drusilla looked over at her friend as Darla turned from Spike to her in surprise.

They had always been a team. Use them and break their hearts had always been their motto. Dru had told her this morning what she and Spike had done last night. At first she had laughed it off because she just figured that Dru had wanted a little one on one action. But her eyes narrowed as she looked at her friend.

"Well, well, it seems that little Dru is getting a bit of a crush on the driver." Darla looked coldly from one to the other. This feeling of being left out was not one she enjoyed. And she didn't like this guy. Because he was the kind you fell for. The kind you put everything on the line for. If Dru went for him then it was going to be over for their friendship. Darla turned back to Spike.

"You do know that's all we wanted you for isn't it. A ride." She confirmed all of his suspicions in that one sentence. It was almost a relief to know for sure. He laughed at her.

"Yeah, I did."

He almost wished that he had a camera for the look on Darla's face. Before anything else could be said the waitress came to take their orders. The topic switched to other things but through the meal the three of them would sneak look at the others as they tried to figure things out. Things had changed. And none of them was sure how to handle it.

Spike planned to take the girls the rest of the way to San Francisco and decide from there what to do. He had known when this had started what was what and came along anyway. If Darla was right and Dru did like him maybe it would be worth it to stay. He already knew that he could never love this girl but maybe they could just hang out over the summer and have fun. The possibility of sex was just part of it. She scared him with her kissing he would hate to see what would happen with being naked with her.

After they had eaten they had gone so he could fill the gas tank up so they wouldn't have to stop for the rest of the trip. As he stood by the pump Drusilla had gotten out of the van and wrapped her arms around his waist from behind him. Her face was against his back.

"It wasn't all just the ride." She told him. "Not for me anyways."

He ran his fingers across her arm and pulled away from her to put the nozzle back. After the van was secure he turned to her putting a gentle kiss on her lips. She pulled back from him to search his face. This was something new for her. A good boy. Someone that just wasn't trying to get her to spread her legs and she didn't know how to handle him.

"It's time to go." He held the van door for her waited for her to climb in and then closed it behind her.

Drusilla had crawled into the back with Darla when they were on their way again. They spent the rest of the trip there. Looking over the magazines or talking. Occasionally they would include him in one their discussions of music, the world and plans for college. As he listened to them he realized that they were just like everybody else with likes and dislikes and hopes and dreams. His mum always told him he expected too much from people and that was why he couldn't make friends. He tried to fit people into slots and when they didn't stay there he shied away from them.

Drusilla and Darla had moved out of the slot he had put them in. But instead of scaring him it was just making him accept them more. Funny they had been in school together for two years and not once had they talked. In the space of the last three days he had not only talked to them but had kissed them and learned about them. He liked it. The walls around him were beginning to break.

As they moved closer to the city the girls had come to share the front seat. Darla had to give him directions to her cousin's place. He tried to look around him some as they moved through the streets but the hills and turns forced him to concentrate on his driving. Finally she directed him to a house that had several cars parked around it. He carefully pulled into the drive behind a new impala.

The girls practically jumped from the car before he had it in park. A man that couldn't have been much older than them came running from the house. He picked Darla up and swung her around. Then after putting her down he gave Drusilla a bear hug. Spike moved closer to them and waited.

"Jesse, I want you to meet a friend of ours. This is Spike. Spike, this is my cousin, Jesse."

The two of them shook hands while measuring the other up. Spike because supposedly this was where he was going to crash for a while. And for Jesse this was the guy who was driving his younger cousin across the state. But they relaxed after a quick appraisal letting the testosterone moment go. Jesse clapped Spike on the back as he suggested they get the bags so that everyone could get settled. The girls both had a couple of bags each while Spike only had the one. After they were loaded up with both of them complaining about the weight of their bags they led the way inside.

The house was one of those old Victorians that were all over this city. However, this one looked like it needed some taking care of. The paint was peeling in places outside and inside.

As Spike followed Jesse inside an uneasy feeling moved through him again. It seemed like there were kids everywhere in the house. As he glanced into the living room he spotted drugs and paraphernalia piled on a table by the couch. The fragrance was heavy in the air. Jesse led them up the stairs telling them that about six other people were staying for the summer. But a lot more were hanging around the place at any given time.

He stopped in one room and said this was where the girls could stay. After leaving them with their bags he led Spike further down the hall to a room with four beds in it. Each was against a different wall.

"The bed over there isn't being used. There are some sheets and stuff in the hallway closet. Make yourself at home. When you're settled come back down." And with that he turned and left Spike there.

Spike slowly turned around the room taking it in. This was definitely not what he had in mind when he had visualized this stay. He didn't mind sharing a room but it was like some kind of shelter or worse a flop house. He sighed and threw his bag on the bed and moved out to the hall to find a bathroom. It was practically across the hall which wasn't a bad thing. After he had relieved himself he found the closet pulling out some clean sheets.

There was a noise from the room he had just left making him turn to look to see who was there. One of the kids from downstairs was in the room. At first Spike couldn't make out what he was doing but then he realized he was going through his bag.

"Hey, that's mine."

The kid turned toward Spike with bloodshot eyes.

"Calm down, man. Just checking to see if you had anything good to share." Then he laughed as if it was funny to just help himself to other people's stuff. Spike knew he was looking for drugs. It pissed him off that he had only been here only a few minutes and someone was already trying to steal from him. Not that he had what this kid was looking for.

After throwing the sheets on the bed he pulled the zipper across the bag then picked it up. He didn't say anything else just made his way back down to the van. He figured that when he needed stuff he would just come down to get it. To always be worrying about shit being stolen would be a downer to whatever was going on. Once the van was securely locked and the keys in his pocket he went in search of the others.

Darla was talking somewhere to the left of the house. Spike followed her voice through a couple of rooms before finding them in the kitchen.

"This dope drove us all the way here based on some kisses. Do you believe it? And get this he's paid for everything so far." She laughed as she told her story to Jesse and a couple of the other kids. Spike froze as she started to talk again.

"So, we figure if we just keep stringing him along we have a personal slave for the summer. What are a few kisses and touchy feelys in exchange of being taken care of?"

Drusilla looked up as she felt his stare on her. The others caught on and looked his way too. Darla just laughed and shrugged her shoulders at him.

Whatever he was looking wasn't here in this house. With these people. They seemed too lost and already a little too dead for him. They had given up hope and innocence. He didn't want to lose his here. Like this. So, he turned and walked out back toward his van.

"Spike, wait." Drusilla called out to him as she ran to catch up to him. He waited by the van until she got there.

"I'm sorry that you had to hear that. Darla can be a real bitch sometimes." She tried to explain away what had happened.

"Sometimes?" He laughed at her comment. Darla was a bitch period. There were other sides to her but she was out to get what she wanted. No matter who got hurt.

Drusilla moved closer to him wrapping her arms around him.

"Stay. For me. We can have fun without her. Like last night." She purred at him as she moved her body against him.

He took a strand of her long brown hair twirling it around his finger. An hour ago he might have given in to the elusive promise of future sex. But he had come to realize that he wanted more than this. He wanted someone to take care of not someone he had to continually try to keep up with. When he looked in a girl's eyes he wanted to see wonder not indifference.

But he wasn't one to deliberately hurt someone.

"Honestly, this isn't my scene. I'm not going to fit in. Come with me. We can find some fun somewhere else."

Spike waited as she looked from the house then back to him. With a sigh she shook her head.

"This is me."

A quick kiss and then she turned to go back into the house. He knew she was as scared of being with him as he was of staying here and becoming like them. It wouldn't have worked anyway he told himself as he climbed into the van. With a final look at the house he backed out of the drive and took off.

Spike didn't know where to go or what to do. To go home less than twenty-four hours after he had left was too much for him to handle. It wasn't his mum and step-father or even Angel that was making it hard to do. It wasn't about being wrong. It was him. If he went back now he would never leave again. To go back now would take back the pride he had found. And the courage that he had dug from the very depths of his soul would vanish never to be found again. This was his chance to change his life. And he wanted it so badly. Just what it was that he wanted he didn't know.

After about an hour or so of driving around he finally listened to the growling of his stomach. He pulled the van into the parking lot of a popular burger place. There was a space right next to the door that he pulled into quickly. He started to open his door when he saw her. She came hurrying out of the door coming in his direction.

"Oh my God. Is she a fox or what?" Was the only thing he could think of as he stared at her. But as his eyes followed her she stopped right in the front of his van. She turned to face the guy who had been calling for her to stop. Spike sighed because of course if someone caught his eye she had to be taken or something. But he took a moment to appreciate her tanned petite body. She was small but still had curves in all the right places tucked away in cut off blue jean shorts and a pink peasant blouse. Long blond hair fell halfway down her back.

It would never happen except in his dreams he told himself. He stepped out of the van and came around the corner to walk past the couple who was deep in an argument. She was screaming at him about some other girl and then she slapped him. Spike took a step closer to the wall as she did. Then everything changed. The guy she was with raised a fist and was about to take a swing at her. Without thinking Spike raised his hand to catch the guy by the wrist.

The guy eyes went wide in surprise as he turned toward him. He pulled his arm free from Spike's grasp. Spike stood his ground as he stepped closer to him. Even though the guy was bigger than him by about three inches and fifty pounds Spike didn't move.

"Do you really want to be on the receiving end of my fist? Or do you want to mind your own business?" The guy stood over Spike trying to intimidate him into moving.

"Riley, come on. Leave him alone." The girl grabbed the guy by the arm trying to move him. Spike looked briefly at her then back at her boyfriend.

"I think it's really funny that you're worried about me being hit by you. I am smaller than you but you know what, asshole, she is even smaller than me. Weren't you worried about her being hit by you?"

Buffy gasped as the blonde stood up to Riley. No one messed with him. It just wasn't done. Her eyes grew bigger as Riley pushed the blonde away from him. He stumbled but held his ground. She had to give him credit for that. Riley turned to her and she flinched. He had only hit her once before almost a year ago. It hadn't happened again after she threatened to press charges. But slapping him was not the smartest choice she had ever made. Surprisingly he didn't hit her this time. He just looked her over then walked past her. Buffy looked back at the blonde giving him a silent 'thank you' then hurried to follow Riley. But she stopped at the curb as Riley reached into the car and grabbed her stuff. The next thing she knew he had thrown her purse and overnight bag at her. They both fell to the ground as she threw her arms up to protect herself.

"I'm tired of playing babysitter to a little girl. I need someone who understands the needs of a man not a whimpering little bitch like you." Riley told her cruelly as he moved to get into the car.

"Go to hell. And take that whore, Sandy, with you." Buffy screamed at him as he put the car into reverse and squealed away from the restaurant. That was when the tears came in great gulping sobs. Her legs went out from under her and she ended up sitting on the curb with her head buried in her arms. She was several hundred miles away from home with no money. Her mom was never going to forgive her this.

Spike laid a hand on her shoulder as she continued to cry. He had picked up her suitcase and purse putting them on the curb beside her then had come down to sit next to her. This was out of his realm of experience and wasn't sure what to do. So, he patted her awkwardly on the back as she continued to cry. Suddenly she moved burying herself against him sobbing into his shirt. He wrapped his arm around her pulling her closer. His cheek rested against the softness of her hair.

The girl cried as if her whole world had shattered. Maybe this guy had been everything to her but he didn't understand why. Not when he threatened her like that. Spike had heard her say another girl's name and wondered why anyone would cheat on a girl that looked liked her. He didn't try to stop her tears as he began to stroke her back. Her sobs eventually turned into sniffling and hiccupping. Then finally she sat up wiping her cheeks with the heels of her hands. Spike reached up to tuck her hair behind her ear.

"Hey, feeling any better?" He asked her with a smile on his face. Even with her eyes puffy and red she was still pretty. She nodded in response to his question but her gaze was somewhere on the entrance of the parking lot. Probably was hoping that her boyfriend would come back for her.

"What's your name?" Spike tried again to get a response from her.

"Buffy."

Spike gave a short laugh when she said her name. It definitely wasn't the name he would have given her. She should have the name of a princess or something.

But his laugh got him the response he was looking for as she swung her head to look at him. Her eyes had narrowed into slits.

"My name is funny to you?" There was ice dripping from her words.

"Sorry. I just thought your name would be different. Actually, I've never met anyone with that name before." Spike tried to cover up his rudeness by declaring surprise.

"So, what is your name?" She was still angry with him as she stared at him.

As Spike returned her look he realized how close they were to each other. When she had taken her head off his chest she hadn't scooted away. They were still sitting right next to each other and as they looked at each other their faces were only inches apart. He swallowed as this knowledge swept through him.

"Umm, Spike. It's a nickname. My real name is William." He wanted to hit himself in the forehead as he stumbled out the words. Her eyes widened as he spoke then closed slightly as he finished. He felt her arm move from between them and then her fingers were moving through his hair.

"Spike. For the spikey hair."

The only thing he could do was nod as she moved against him. Her breasts were rubbing against his arm as she played with his hair. Blue eyes met green eyes in a mutual awareness. As it moved through them she quickly took back her hand. The entrance once again became the recipient of her gaze. Spike sighed as he wondered what to do now. A car pulled into the space they were sitting at and they had to scramble up to avoid being hit.

"Did you eat yet?" Spike looked down at her as she looked everywhere but at him. Buffy shook her head no to answer his question.

"There's a diner down the street. Why don't we go there, get something to eat and then maybe we can figure something out for you?"

Her eyes finally moved to look at him as she wondered if she could trust him. It was either go with him or call her mom now. As far as she was concerned the longer she waited to call the better she would feel. Spike couldn't be that bad of a guy if he had kept Riley from punching her.

"Okay."

Relief coursed through Spike's body when she agreed to go with him. There was no way he was going to leave her alone until he knew she was safe. He bent to pick up her suitcase and purse. After handing her the purse he led the way to the van. The suitcase was stored in the back and Buffy settled in the front passenger seat. On the way to the diner she stared out the window not acknowledging him at all. But Spike was getting used to girls doing this to him. Buffy was the fourth one in only three days to treat him like this.

But he continued to play the gentleman as he helped her down from the van. Leading her into the diner and then waiting for her to take a seat before he sat. Deciding to ignore her he opened the menu after lighting a cigarette. He slouched down in the seat as he tried to decide what he wanted. A finger came into his view point. It was slowly drawing an imaginary picture on the table. Buffy hadn't opened her menu but was staring down at the table and doing her drawings.

"What's wrong? Aren't you hungry?"

She didn't look up at his question just continued her finger movement. Spike reached a hand out to stop her. As his hand covered hers she looked up at him through her bangs. But she left her hand there.

"Riley has my money. He said that he would keep it safe for me."

She wasn't playing. Or trying to be coy. She was truly embarrassed that she didn't have any money with her. Her cheeks were tinged pink.

"We'll work it out later. Get what you want."

"I don't want to feel obligated to you."

"You won't be. I told you that we would work it out later." Then as she looked at him funny he realized what she was thinking. That he would want her to put out for it. He laughed out loud at that one. At the rate he was going he would die a virgin. Buying a meal for Buffy would not do anything to help him change things. "Money. You can pay me back later. "And as she continued to look at him he added. "Really."

A quick smile graced her face as she opened the menu. The tension eased away from them as she accepted his generosity. She wasn't using him to get what she wanted. He took a drag from his cigarette smiling at the knowledge. It was going to be equal between them.

Once they had placed their orders and their sodas brought to the table they didn't have anything to distract them. Spike ran a finger across his glass wiping away the condensation. Following the advice of someone who had once tried to help him make friends he started to ask questions.

"How long have you been with Riley?"

She sighed long and deep.

"Forever. Since I was a sophomore."

"Are you still in school?"

"No, just graduated. And you?"

He smiled at her as she turned the questions back to him.

"The same."

She smiled back at him and lifted her glass. His head tilted as he tried to figure out what she was doing.

"A toast. Raise your glass."

Buffy gestured toward his glass. He quickly followed her direction and lifted his glass in the air.

"To the class of 1976." She started the toast.

"In the year of our country's bicentennial." He continued.

"To its independence and to ours." She finished.

They both laughed as their glasses clinked together. After that conversation between them became easier. They relaxed as they talked about things. He told her almost everything that had happened to him in the past few days. Leaving out certain details like the fact that Drusilla and Darla had been his first kisses. He asked her about Riley again. This time she was more open about the details.

"We started dating two years ago. I was the cheerleader and he was the football player. The perfect couple or so everyone said. Homecoming King and Queen. The whole bullshit." She leaned back in her seat and moved to prop her feet up next to him on the booth seat. Her foot rested against his leg causing chills to run through him. "This was our first trip together. Doing the adult thing. And I catch him last night with some slut. God, I hate him."

Spike wasn't sure what to say to her. It seemed that this guy had really done a number on her. But then she seemed to have been buying into the lifestyle. Being the perfect ones. Just like Cecily. He took a long drink while looking at her.

Buffy reached up to wipe a tear away from her face.

"I was so stupid. Thought if I did everything I was supposed to do then I'd be happy. That he would love me forever. Hell, I even lost my virginity on Prom Night when I was supposed to."

Buffy stopped talking when Spike began to choke on his drink. His face started to turn red as he kept coughing. Just when he would begin to feel in control again he would remember what she said and would start to choke again. Buffy moved from behind her side of the booth to pound him on the back. Then as he finally gained control she slid into the booth next to him causing him to scoot closer to the wall.

"Sorry, I guess that was a stupid thing to tell you." Then she giggled as he kept staring at her in disbelief. The sight of her relaxing into a bundle of giggles caused him to smile. Then to chuckle. The two of them ended up laughing together until they were given unhappy stares by the other patrons.

"Do you ever do anything because it's what you want to?" He asked her after they had settled down and their food had been brought to them.

Buffy turned to look at him as she slowly munched on a French Fry. Her gaze made him uncomfortable as she seemed to be contemplating something major. Then as if she made a decision she shrugged her shoulders and returned to eating. Spike just shook his head at her. The girl went from one extreme to another in just moments leaving him too dazed to follow. They didn't talk much as they finished their food. Just conversation on what was going on around them and the things that were news worthy for the day. Buffy stayed sitting next to him warming him with her body heat. The scent of Love's Baby Soft filling his senses making him even more bemused.

This girl next to him was like being on a roller coaster. The build up of just being near her giving false security then the rapid blinding fall taking your breath away with curves that made you laugh as you went from one extreme to another. He wanted to stay beside her for a while to figure out what made her so exciting. But she would be gone soon nothing more than a memory of this bizarre summer.

As he swallowed the last bite of his hamburger he garnered enough courage to ask her about what she wanted to do.

"Where do you live?' He asked her tentatively. It went without saying that he would be shot down not matter what he did. But he figured at least he had to give it a chance.

"Sunnydale." When he gave her a blank look indicating he didn't know where that was she told him that it was an hour and a half this side of Los Angeles.

"I could give you a ride if you like."

"Okay."

Spike's eyes widened at the casual agreement she gave to his offer. He just nodded at her as she smiled at him. When they left the table she moved to call her mom to tell her of the change in her plans. He had handed her his license so that she could give her mom the information. Buffy hadn't asked he had offered. It was to make her feel safe with him even though she seemed to be comfortable with riding with him after only knowing him less than two hours.

After he paid their ticket he wandered outside to smoke a cigarette while Buffy made her call. He crouched down in front of the diner to watch some ants move across the sidewalk. A pair of feet came into his view on the other side of the stream of insects. He looked up to see Riley looking down at him. Spike couldn't help but chuckle as he straightened up. The other boy was trying so hard to be 'in' that it was laughable. He was dressed in Earth shoes, overalls and around his neck was a Puka shell necklace. His hair hung down to his shoulder. There wasn't an original thing about him. Just a regular guy. Like a million others.

"Where's Buffy?"

Spike nodded toward the diner.

"She's calling her mom. To let her know what you did and that she has a ride home." Spike added the last bit to get some digs in and it made him feel more worthy to tell this guy that his girl was riding with him. He straightened as much as he could to try to stare this guy down.

"Don't getyour hopes up. I came to get her."

It was at that moment that Buffy came out of the restaurant toward them. Her smile faded when she saw Riley standing there. A frown replaced the smile that she had while her footsteps faltered as she made her way to Spike's side. Riley frowned at her as she stopped next to Spike watching him with a defiant tilt of her head.

"Get your stuff, baby. We can work all this out." Riley reached a hand out to Buffy but she pulled her arm away from him. "Don't do this. You know I love you. Now come on let's go."

"No. I have a ride home with Spike."

Riley sighed as he figured she was playing a game with him. That she wanted him to beg her to come back to him. It wasn't something he wanted to do in front of her little blond hero.

"Buffy, get your stuff and come with me." He practically growled it at her. "You don't know who this guy is or what he is capable of. Or what he will want you to do for the ride."

Buffy reached into her pocket to hand Spike his license and registration back to him. She made sure that Riley knew what was being passed between them. After turning back to Riley she put her hand out toward him.

"My money, please."

He rolled his eyes but reached into the chest pocket of his overalls to pull out a small wad of cash. After Buffy took the money from him she peeled off a few dollars to hand to Spike.

"For my dinner."

Spike smiled when he caught on to what she was doing. She smiled back at him as she handed him some more cash.

"And this is for my share of gas."

"Equals." Spike told her.

"Independent." Buffy responded.

They both laughed at their agreement not to be dependent on each other or to hold power over the other. It made both of them feel good to have someone that they could just be around without pressure.

Spike reached over to slip an arm around Buffy's shoulder as she slipped an arm around his waist. As they started to walk away Buffy looked over her shoulder to Riley.

"Bye, Riley. See ya around."

She started to laugh again as she cut the last of the ties to a relationship that was making her miserable. Actually it made both of them miserable. Riley would eventually thank her for this. As they left Riley standing there Spike couldn't resist sticking up his middle finger toward the guy that had hurt Buffy.

"Fuck both of you." That was the last thing they heard Riley say as they climbed into the van.

They continued to laugh as they made their way to the entrance ramp of the highway. After that they both settled down in a companionable silence. He drove while fantasizing of the girl next to him as she stared out the window. Buffy had curled into the seat resting on her feet as she leaned against the passenger door.

Spike fiddled with the radio changing the channel from what Drusilla had put it on earlier. As he was going through the stations Buffy called for him to stop on a song. It was a song by Linda Ronstadt that had been popular the year before. As he left it there she started to sing along to it.

Feeling better, now that we're through Feeling better, because I'm over you I've learned my lesson, it left a scar Now I see how you really are

"Sing with me, Spike!" Buffy reached a hand over to swat him on the arm when he shook his head no. "Please."

Then she started to sing louder raising her arms over her head moving to the music. Spike laughed as she really started to belt the song out. Shyly at first he started to sing with her then finally let go and joined her in a concert of freedom.

You're no good, You're no good, You're no good Baby, you're no good, I'm gonna say it again, Baby, you're no good.

But as the song ended she seemed to collapse again. A tear wound its way down her cheek.

"You okay?" He reached a hand over to gently run a finger down her arm. Buffy leaned her head against the glass reaching a hand up to wipe away the tear.

"Yeah, I guess." She sniffled softly before turning to him. "Why wasn't I happy? I always did what I was supposed to do."

"That's why. You did your duty but you weren't ever just Buffy."

She nodded her head at his explanation before turning back to watch the scenery going by. It was getting dark by this time so she really wasn't seeing very much.

"Buffy."

She turned back to him as he called her name softly.

"Why don't you crawl in the back and get some sleep? You look pretty tired."

"You sure you don't mind?" She asked him as she started to turn to head in the back. But she didn't move out of her seat until he had told her it was all right.

As she moved between the seats Spike turned to look at her bottom as she moved by. He gripped his lower lip between his teeth as the softly curved picture passed by him. Then as she moved into the back he watched her in the rear view mirror. His eyes darted between her and the road as she settled onto his bed. The speed of the van began to increase as his cock got harder.

Buffy stretched out on the bed lying on her back. Her hair flowed around her with the moon light dancing off it. Her legs were brown against the whiteness of the sheets. All Spike could think of was crawling back there with her but knew he couldn't. They were equal. Independent. Friends. To hit on her would violate their agreement. He groaned softly as he adjusted his jeans to make himself more comfortable.

"Spike?"

Her voice was barely above a whisper above the sound of the van moving along the road. He glanced back at her as she lay there.

"Yeah, Buffy?"

He figured that she needed to make a pit stop or something. He started to look for a rest stop sign when she brought his world crashing to a stop.

"Why don't you find some place to stop so you can come back here with me?"

Spike was so shocked at her request that he almost hit the brakes right in the middle of the highway. He glanced quickly into the rear view mirror at her but she had turned on her side. Her face was cradled on her arm, as she appeared to be sleeping. A rest stop sign announced a place to stop in five miles. Spike maneuvered the van to the far right lane while he began to slow down to pull into the area.

He was afraid she would change her mind before he could get parked somewhere. As he coasted through the parking lot he looked back at her but she was still curled up with her eyes closed. After he took a survey of the parking lot he headed for the far side of it where it was a little darker. As he turned the engine off he heard Buffy stir in the back.

"We’re at a rest stop." He told her quietly as he turned to look at her.

Buffy raised her arms above her head and stretched forcing her breasts to rise outlining them more clearly. Spike quickly looked away not wanting to appear to be a pervert.

"I need to use the restroom." She said as she grabbed her purse and scooted toward the side door. Spike climbed between the seats and followed her out. Neither one said anything as they headed toward the bathrooms. They both headed to their appropriate sides with barely a glance at the other.

Spike rinsed off his face and swirled water through his mouth wishing he had his toothbrush with him. Then after he dried his face off he checked to see if his armpits smelled. An image of Buffy lying next to him hurried him from toward the door.

She was already waiting for him a soda in hand when he came out. When she saw him a big grin appeared on her face making him relax in his nervousness. They moved toward each their hands grasping the hand of the other while they walked back to the van. Spike held the door for her as she climbed in and then he started to climb in after her. That was when he remembered he had forgotten to get condoms from the machine in the bathroom.

"Where are you going?" Buffy looked at him as he started to back out of the door.

"I forgot to get….Uh, I need to get…" He stopped as he realized he was making an ass out of himself. Quickly thinking he tried to come up with an excuse to go back to the bathroom. What if she hadn’t meant that they were actually going to do IT? What if she just wanted to make out or something? He was beginning to feel trapped as his brain refused to cooperate with him.

Buffy laughed softly as he struggled with his problem.

"Spike, I’m on the pill."

His eyes flew open when she solved the problem for him. Then as her words sank in his stomach went into a violent mass of butterflies at the thought of making love with her.

"Come here." Buffy patted the space on the bed next to him bringing back the memory of Drusilla making the same gesture a few nights ago. He hesitated for a moment. Then after glancing into the depths of her eyes seeing only acceptance there he climbed into the van. After he closed the door he pulled the curtains closed so no one could see in. Then repeated the motion for the back window. Finally he settled down to sit next to her on the bed. He watched her in fascination as she opened her purse to pull out a pink circular compact. She flipped open the top then moved it so that he could look at it.

"See, there is one gone for every day this month." She said as she ran her fingernail around the empty slots. The first available was popped out into her hand where she then put it into her mouth. It was quickly washed down with the soda. "That was the one for today so I am safe for another 24 hours."

Buffy smiled as she looked over at him staring at her in bewilderment. He was so bemused by everything happening that he had lost the ability to have a rational thought. Buffy shifted to swing her legs up on the bed scooting back so that she was lying on her side. A hand on his arm pulled him into motion to follow her. They both ended up on their sides facing each other.

There was a little light illuminating the inside of the van making her face glow with an iridescent light. Her hand came up to cup his cheek.

"Spike, earlier you asked me if I ever do something because I want to. The answer isn’t very often. Please don’t think I am a slut or anything. I’ve only been with Riley. But tonight I want to be with you. I know there isn’t any future with us living in different cities. You make me feel happy and free and I want to feel that for as long as possible." She finished her explanation of why she wanted to be with him.

His hand came up to cover hers on his face bringing it around to kiss the palm of it gently. Even though this was her choice he could see that she was nervous about this too. Her eyes were wide in her face as she waited for him.

Spike shifted so that he could lean down to kiss her. It was the first time that he had ever taken the initiative in kissing. Drusilla or Darla had always led the way before. He could only pray that he got it right.

Her lips were soft beneath his as he came to kiss her gently. Then following what he knew he didn’t hesitate to shove his tongue into her mouth. He moved into the wetness with quick jabbing motions while his mind tried to follow the motions that Dru had made with him. With a jerk Buffy pulled away from him. Her hand came to cover her mouth as she looked at him in surprise.

When she pulled away from him all his hopes came to a grinding halt.

"Slow down. Okay?"

She sounded annoyed at him as he cringed from her words. Without thinking he tried to explain himself.

"I’m sorry that’s the way that Dru taught…" As he realized what he said his eyes flew to see what Buffy’s reaction was. At first she just looked at him then her eyes opened wide as she put things together. Spike closed his eyes as she began to speak.

"Dru taught you to kiss? The same Dru that you were going to San Francisco with?" Her voice showed her disbelief that he was eighteen and had just learned to kiss. Spike hated himself as he answered her with a nod.

"The same Dru that you said wouldn’t fulfill her promises?"

As she continued he squeezed his eyes shut to stop the tears that were threatening as she revealed his secret.

"You’re a virgin?" The surprise was evident in her voice as she finished the puzzle he had handed her.

Spike waited for the laughter that would follow her revelation. When it came he was unable to stop a tear from slipping from his tightly closed eyes. As it flowed down his cheek her hand came to wipe away the tear.

"Shh, it’s okay. I wasn’t laughing at you. I promise."

Her lips came softly against his.

"Look at me, baby."

He reluctantly opened his eyes to look at her.

"I was laughing at what we are about to do. You’ve never done it and I have only it done a few times. And then I wasn’t really doing anything except lying there. So, this should be interesting."

When she finished she came forward to rub his nose with hers then placed another kiss on his lips. Her expression was sweet and protective of him as he looked at her. There was a light in her eyes that he wanted to follow anywhere that she would lead. He laid a hand on her side as he leaned toward her again. This time he followed his instincts and her request for slowness. He barely moved his lips over hers creating a tender friction between them. His tongue carefully outlined her lips enjoying the soft sweetness that waited for him. As she opened her mouth to him he leisurely flicked his way into the wet heat of her mouth. Then waited for her to respond to him before he started to dance with her. It didn’t take long for her to come to him. Her tongue swirled against his. It was then that he lost it.

Lost all possibility of thought. All possibility of trying to plan the next move. He was drowning in her. The heat. The wetness. The feverish movements of their tongues dueling for pleasure. The only demand of his mind was for him to be closer to her. His hand moved to her back flowing upwards to grasp the back of her head in his hand. To hold her to him. To keep her from moving away from him. As his hand tangled in her hair she made a mewling sound deep in her throat. The man in him that was waiting to come out moved over her more. To hold her below him so that he could devour her mouth more fully.

They broke away from each other for only a moment to catch their breath. The wonder of the heat they were creating was evident in their eyes. Unwilling to lose the momentum they were building their lips fused together again. He wanted to feel more. To have more. Untangling his hand from her hair his fingers began to follow the ridges of her spine down her back. She shivered against him as he created chills in her. As he reached her lower back he hesitated for only a moment before flattening his hand against her. With overwhelming amazement his moved down over the roundness of her ass. He squeezed it as he felt the ripe curve beneath his hand.

Her hips squirmed against his hand as he massaged her cheeks. Then wanting and needing her closer his hand moved beneath her hip then pulled her toward him. She came willingly shifting to help get them closer. As they became flush his hand moved down her thigh to pull it over his hip. His leg moved between hers so that her softness was just above his thigh. He groaned as her hips moved to rub herself against him.

There was no thought as primitive instincts took over. Their kisses built a fire that burned within them. A need to claim her moved his hand back over her body pushing her shirt up so that he could travel beneath it. Her breasts called to him demanding to be paid attention to. The hard pebble of her nipples burned through their clothes pressing into his chest. As his hand went to close over one she pulled back. Her breath came in pants as she looked briefly at him before she sat up.

Spike fell onto his back as she stared up her. For a moment she closed her eyes before grasping the hem of her shirt. Then it was quickly pulled over head to be dropped on the floor. Another momentary hesitation before her bra was undone and followed the shirt over the side. He forced himself to make contact with her eyes before traveling down to look at her.

He had seen photos of naked women before. Between Playboy magazines and health books he had the idea down. But the realness of Buffy surpassed anything he had ever seen. Or had ever fantasized about. Unable to resist he sat up so that he could run his fingers across their taut flesh. He stopped briefly to feel the pink nubs that begged to be touched. To roll one between two fingers tips watching in fascination as it hardened even more.

Buffy made another soft sound in the back of her throat as he continued to touch her. He moved his hand down to her waist pulling her toward him. But she stopped him again. Her hands reached for the hem of his shirt pulling it up. He cooperated with her by putting his hands up so that she could get it over his head.

As his shirt fell to the floor their gazes met. Then moving together without thought their mouths fused together again. Tongues rapidly played as they flowed together. Flesh to flesh. A mutual sound of pleasure came from them as they felt the other against them. Spike’s hands moved around to caress her bare back. The heat increased between them as he kneaded at her back. Her hands buried in his hair.

Spike altered their position by turning to lay her on her back again. This time he moved over her coming to rest on top of her. Her legs opened to welcome him between them. As he settled against her his hips rocked to rub his cock against her. Even through their clothes he shuddered from the sensation of their sexes being together.

He had to move to gain air into his lungs. Forcing himself he broke contact with her lips staring down into her desire filled eyes feeling even more of his boyhood slip away. Her face was flushed while her breath came in rapid pants as she stared up at him. But he was filled with a longing to taste more. To feel more. His lips moved along her jaw line as she turned her head to give him more access. A sigh flowed from her as his tongue outlined her ear. Then he nipped at the ear lobe before bringing it into his mouth to suck on it.

As he felt her arch against him he grounded his hips down against her again.

"Oh, God, Spike, mmmmm…" She whispered in his ear urging him to continue his exploration.

He nuzzled her neck. Then nipped at it. Then sucked where he had nipped. Her hands fluttered against his shoulders as her head began to move against the pillow. Spike shifted downward coming to stop at her breasts. At first he rubbed his head against them just so he could feel the satiny smoothness against him. He swallowed quickly before he brought one of her nipples into his mouth while his hand came to caress the other.

As he sucked at her hardened pebble her fingernails started to dig into his back. Spike couldn’t help but smile at the thought that he was pleasing her. That she was feeling as good as he was at the moment. But he wanted more for her. As he began to travel down her stomach he used everything that he could to gain more sensations for them. His hands. His tongue. His lips. Her body soft and quivering beneath him.

As he reached the waistband of her shorts he pulled back on his knees between her legs. Her hands continued to reach for him as he moved from her. As he undid her shorts he held eye contact with her watching the emotions drift through them. There was so much warmth there to drown in. His hands began to tug at her shorts and panties to bring them down. Her hips came up so that he could pull them down. In order to get them off he scooted back to the end of the bed. Once they were dropped on the floor he ventured to look up at her naked form. Her legs were still spread on either side of him. His eyes slowly moved over her body taking in all of her beauty. The legs long and tanned. The soft curls that rested between. The firmness of her belly and the soft mounds of her breasts. His tongue ran over his lips as he moved to meet her eyes. He smiled at her to try to reassure her that he was still here with her.

Crouching down he laid a kiss on the inside of her calf. Then he moved slowly upwards planting kiss after kiss on the smoothness of her skin. He knew what his goal was as he moved up her thigh. It was what lay just beyond the spot he was ministering to. Anticipation shot through him at the thought of having her open before him. Spread out for him. But as he moved the rest of the way up her thigh he found her hands laced over her silken quim.

His hands came to rest just under her legs next to her bottom. Her feet rested against his sides as he contemplated his next move.

"Come on, Buffy. Move your hands." He asked as he began to kiss her hands running his tongue between the fingers that he could. The tiny amount of moisture he could taste making his hunger for her grow.

"It’s embarrassing." She whispered softly to him. It was apparent that in her limited experience that Riley had never taken care of her.

Spike reached under her to come up over her hip. His hand grasped her wrist in his to bring it to rest on the bed. Then with his other hand he repeated the gesture. So that she was open to him the way he wanted. If she had really protested he would have backed off but even she had admitted that it was embarrassment not the fact that she didn’t want it.

But once he had what he wanted he realized he had no clue what to do. He knew from sexual education class that the clitoris was what would give her pleasure. If he could find it. The diagrams just didn’t quite do justice to the exquisiteness before him.

Praying to an angel for help he moved forward to run his tongue along the outside of her lips. Buffy trembled against him making him repeat the motion but this time he separated the lips to delve deep into her heat. As he reached the top he found what he had been looking for. A slow stroke of his tongue against it caused Buffy to groan in response. A soft suck pushed her hips off the bed closer to his mouth. He began to explore her with his mouth retaining what movements caused what response. Then as her pleasure began to build he began to repeat the motions in synchronized sweeps.

He let go of one of her hands to so that his own hand could add to the movements of his mouth. As his fingers began to penetrate her the hand he had freed came to clutch at his hair. Neither realized it until later that their hands that were still clutched together had moved to entwine together.

"Please, Spike, I can’t….take it…anymore." She pleaded with him to bring her satisfaction. His fingers began to thrust rapidly and deeply into her as his mouth licked and sucked at her. A soft squeal followed by her collapsing against the bed let him know that he had given her what she needed. A deep feeling of pride swept through him as he raised himself up. As he moved over her he quickly wiped his mouth on his hand before coming to rest on her.

Buffy slowly opened her eyes to look up at him. Her hands came to lie on his sides as he bent to kiss her. A barely there touching of lips as he waited for her to come down from where she was. It was unconceivable to him that he was able…allowed…to give her this. He was filled with feelings and desires that were new to him, as he wanted to take the next step.

Her hands flowed over the smoothness of his back to rest in his hair again. She pulled him down to him meeting his lips in a blinding kiss of newly born passion. They had both broken barriers to their innocence. He met her with as much or even more need as their tongues glided together. As he once again became lost in the furnace of her kiss her hands moved down his sides to his waist. She tried to push him up so she could move her hands between them. When he realized that she was trying to remove his pants he pulled away from her coming to rest on his knees. His hands came to undo the button on them when a moment of modesty hit him. No one had ever seen him without clothes before except his mum. And that had been almost fifteen years ago. He gave a quick glance at Buffy because he now understood where she had been just a few moments ago.

As he glanced away trying to build courage to undo them he saw her move toward him. Her hands came to rest over his shooing them away. Their eyes met as she undid his pants. In that moment Spike came to realize that no matter what happened it would be okay. There was nothing dirty or shameful in what they were doing. Fate had intervened in their lives giving them this chance. It was a chance to be with someone who really wanted to be with them. This moment was theirs. Even if he didn’t do everything right it would be all right. He was safe with Buffy. And this only made him start to fall in love with her.

"Sit." She growled to him as she pulled his pants down over his hips. He sat then helped her to pull them off of his legs. As he sat there exposed he looked away from her. He gasped as he felt her small hand encircle him. His eyes closed as she explored him. Gentle fingertips ran over the underside of him then cupped his balls. He jerked in bliss as she touched him. Knowing he wouldn’t last like this he pulled her hand away from him.

They both scooted back up the bed to give them room. As he came to his hands and knees to crawl up the bed she spread her legs for him. Her arms were outstretched to take him in. "This was more than any man could ask for." he thought as he once again settled on her.

His hand reached between them to try to get him into her. As he fumbled against her once again his hands were pushed aside. Her hands grasped him and guided him to her core. She held him until his tip penetrated into her warmth. Then her hands slid around his hips moving slowly up to his rib cage. Spike balanced himself on his hands as he began to bury himself in her. He slowly moved into the wet hot sheath. Buffy began to tremble below him as he slid all the way in.

She brought her sweat slicked legs up over his hips to encircle his waist. Her feet rested against his buttocks bringing her hips up allowing him to slide even further into her. As he did he felt it begin to happen to him. The tension coiled in his lower belly. His sac began to pull up into him as his body prepared to cum.

He threw his head back as his face scrunched up.

"No, God, please no. Don’t let this happen to me." He mentally berated himself as he tried to relax.

"Say the alphabet."

Spike’s eyes flew open as Buffy spoke to him. In a way he had almost forgotten she was there.

"My friend, Xander says that saying the alphabet can distract you enough to make it go away."

His mind tried to focus on what she was saying as his body was being overrun by feelings.

"A,B,C,D,E,F,G,H…" She softly sang to him. He didn’t know when he started to sing with her. But he did sing along till the end of the song. They both laughed as they finished up the notes. With amazement he realized it had worked. His body had relaxed enough that he didn’t feel the oncoming orgasm.

He moved forward to kiss her quickly on the lips before starting to move his hips. At first he moved slowly and deliberately wanting to feel all of her against him. But when she pulled him down on top of her as she whispered of her desire he began to thrust deeper and harder. Finally he became lost to the rhythm of their bodies moving together. Buffy moving upwards toward him as he pounded down into her. His face buried against her neck as she clasped him tightly to her.

Then he couldn’t hold it anymore. There was no chance to stop it this time as he came deep in her heat.

"Auuuuuuuuugh." He exclaimed as his climax caused his body to spasm. As the world came into focus again he realized that Buffy was still quivering below him. The knowledge that he hadn’t brought her satisfaction sliced through him.

"I’m sorry, Baby. I’m sorry." He whispered in her ear as he cradled her against him. Her eyes were closed as he looked down at her. Feeling like a heel he moved his hand down between them to touch her so that he could finish it for her. She grabbed his hand to stop him before he could touch her though.

"Don’t. It’s…I’m sensitive. It’s okay." She brought his hand up to rest on the bed with hers.

"No, it’s not okay. I wanted you with me."

She opened her eyes to look up at him while a smile danced across her face.

"It’s okay. I never had one before tonight so I’m just happy I got one at all."

They smiled in understanding at each other. Tonight they had been taken places they had never been before. And they were both grateful for it.

With regret Spike began to feel himself slip from her. If he could he would stay joined with her forever. When the connection was broken he moved to lie on his back beside her. He began to take deep slow breaths to try and have everything make sense again when he felt her move beside him.

She had gone to sit on the edge of the bed. Her hands were feeling around for her clothes.

"Where you going?’

Buffy froze after she pulled her shirt into her hands.

"I just thought it was over and you’d want to get a move on again."

Spike had never hated anyone as much as Riley before that moment. The bastard had been abusive to her in more than one way. Apparently he had just used her to get himself off never taking the time to see to her needs. Then once he was satisfied he had rolled off of her leaving her alone and frustrated.

He reached a hand over to take the shirt away from her to drop it on the floor again. His hand ran down her back in a loving gesture.

"Come here. I’m not done with you yet." He coaxed her back into the bed with him. As he lay on his back again she came to curl into him. Her arm and leg both draped over him. With a satisfied sigh she settled next to him. His arm moved to pull her closer as he brought the sheet over them. The last coherent thought he had before he drifted to sleep was how right this felt.

Spike stirred from sleep with new sensations bombarding him from all directions. There was the languid, sated feeling that permeated his body from their love making. The softness of her body that was curled against his side. Her hair that tickled his jaw. The sticky feel of their sweat and body fluids combined that coated his skin.

Then there were the feelings that ran rampant through his heart. Love. Protectiveness. Pride. Gratitude. Happiness. And knowledge that everything was all right. The rest of the world had disappeared somewhere in the last few hours. Ever since Buffy had walked out of the restaurant he had fallen into a new realm of existence. It looked and smelled the same but yet nothing was the same. He smiled as he hugged her tighter against him.

Buffy stirred in his embrace smiling against his side. Her hand leisurely trailed across his stomach up toward his chest. He leaned over to kiss the top of her head.

"Mmmmmh. Hi there." She moved back so that she could look at him. He had never seen anyone look as beautiful as she did in that moment. Her eyes sleepy. Her hair tousled and wild. All he could do was put his fingers under her chin to turn her so that he could kiss her again. After she was fully awake he pulled back from her. His forehead rested on hers.

"Hey there." Spike couldn’t do anything but smile as the joy swept through him. "Do you want something to drink or eat? I’m going to go and get something."

"That would be nice." She whispered back. "Do you want me to go with you?"

He shook his head as he untangled himself from her to crawl off the bed. While she watched he searched for his clothes and pulled them on.

"Anything special you want?"

"Chocolate."

After grabbing change from the front of the van he headed for the vending machines. Not knowing exactly what she liked he bought five different candy bars, several bags of chips and then got cold sodas. The snacks ended up being carried in his shirt that he had pulled up to make a makeshift knap sack.

When he crawled in the van Buffy sat up to take the sodas from him so he could crawl in and shut the door. He groaned when he turned around to see Buffy sitting up holding the sodas in her lap with the sheet bunched around her waist.

"Sorry." He could have kicked himself as she dropped the sodas to pull the sheet up. Just what she needed was to feel that he couldn’t control himself. He came to kneel on the bed beside her then dropped his shirt letting the snacks fall on her. It made him feel good when she laughed at his gesture.

"I didn’t know what you wanted." He explained the variety of goodies that she was now sorting through. Spike wasn’t sure of what to do now. So, he sat down pulling his knees up to his chest watching her.

"Thanks." Buffy looked up to smile at him as she selected a bag of M&Ms. After she had laid back down he grabbed a bag of chips and ripped them open. Neither one of them said anything as they started eating. Neither one sure of what to do in this situation they found themselves. They avoided each other’s eyes and continued to eat their snacks. Finally, Spike started to gather the nerve to say something. Anything to avoid this awkward silence.

"Did you hear about that movie that’s coming out next month? The one about the shark that eats everybody."

"Yeah, it sounds really scary. My friends and I were thinking about taking my sister to it then taking her to the beach."

"You have a sister?" Without knowing it she had opened possibilities of conversation.

"Dawn. She is so annoying. I hate not being an only child. Everybody coddles her and who has to always be the responsible one. Me. Buffy." Buffy scrunched up her nose as she complained about her younger sister.

"I’m an only child and it can be lonely sometimes. When my mum and me moved around a lot there wasn’t anyone to keep me company."

Buffy rolled to lie on her side facing him. Finished with the candy she wadded up the package and put it aside. Rummaging through the rest of the stuff she grabbed some potato chips. She waited until she had eaten one in her mouth to comment.

"You’re English, right? It seemed kind of obvious but I didn’t want to be rude."

"Yeah, we moved here a couple of years ago when my mum got married."

He took a chip from her bag when she offered.

"Where’s your Dad?"

Spike shrugged his shoulders. He had never met his father and his mother refused to talk about it. All he knew was that they had to get married and shortly after he was born the jerk had taken off. Never to be seen again. It didn’t hurt as much as it used to when he thought about it. In the end it had all worked out.

"I don’t know."

"Yeah, I know what you mean. After my parents got divorced a couple of years ago my dad disappeared. Last I heard he had taken off with his twenty something secretary and is living in Spain or something."

"Nice guy. Maybe our fathers should join a jerk-of-the-month club or something."

They both laughed at his comment then a cloud fell over Buffy’s face. She turned again to lie on her stomach resting on her bent arms. Something had happened to her mood turning her from happy to being upset about something. Spike pushed the food out of the way so he could lie next to her mimicking her position.

"What’s wrong, pet?" Her head was bent with her hair creating a curtain around her face. There was no way he could read the expression on her face. It hurt him that she had shut herself off from him so quickly. The only thing he could do was wait for her to speak to him. It seemed an eternity before she was ready to tell him anything.

"Was this only about getting laid to you?" Her voice was barely over a whisper but it still sounded loud in the silence of the van. Spike was stunned at her question. Everything had flowed so well with them since they had met. It was almost like a predestined plan to him. Then to have it taken down to such a stark level shocked him.

"No. Buffy. No. If that was all that I cared about I could have stayed in San Francisco and played their games. It would have happened eventually. But I wanted more. I wanted you." It was hard for him to explain to her. He wanted her to understand but she was the one who had said one night. There was no way that he could tell her he was already half in love with her.

"If someone else had come along would you have wanted to be free with them?" The words that popped out of his mouth shocked him. She had already told him that it was him. But he needed to be reassured too. If he made him look like a pouf then so be it.

Buffy shook her hair behind her shoulder so that she could look at him.

"Only you has ever made me feel this way."

Spike felt like someone had punched him in the stomach. Without thought he leaned toward her while she came to him. Their lips met in a kiss of mutual understanding. Buffy was the one who moved to deepen the kiss. Her tongue came along to gentle tease his lips apart. Without breaking the kiss they both moved so they were facing each other again. They could taste the chocolate and salt between them. But neither cared because along with it was the sweet taste of each other.

As they began to let the ardor build between them Spike laid on his back pulling Buffy on top of him. The sheet still twisted around her. His hands began to pull on it to get it out of his way. Her hair fell around his face tickling him. Being on top of him made Buffy more aggressive. She put her hands on his face and took the lead in their kissing. Her tongue explored his mouth as she straddled him. Her hips began to move so that she was rubbing herself against him. At her first pass over him he became hard. His erection strained toward the girl only a piece of denim away. It was too much for him as he ran his hands down her bare back to capture her bottom in his hands.

Things were careening out of control as their mouths became bolder. Buffy kept moving herself against him. He kneaded her bottom helping to push her against him. The first time had been a sweet slow ride but this time was coming like a flash of lightening. He moved a hand between them to try to get his jeans undone but as he did she ground herself against his hand.

He was confused as to what she wanted or needed. But she wouldn’t move herself off him so instead he turned his hand so that he could touch her. When he did she broke their kiss to bury her face in his neck. His fingers separated her folds to find her special spot. As he slowly explored her with his hand she made almost sobbing sounds in his ear.

"Buffy? Tell me what you want."

She was plastered against him from her head almost all the way to her pelvis. That was a couple of inches above him now as he caressed her. But she only shook her head against him. Then it was her hand between them undoing his jeans again. As he was freed from his confinement she moved toward him then pulled away to kneel next to him. She finished pulling the sheet out from between them. Spike sat up to take his shirt off then as she watched he pulled his jeans off. Once they were both free of any hindrances they turned to each other again.

"I want you."

That was all she said as moved toward him then pushed him gently back on the bed. Once again she straddled him coming to sit on his stomach. Even though she was acting the aggressor he could still see the doubts in her eyes. Inside he knew that if she became too unsure she would stop acting this way. He tried to figure out a way to make her relax so she would be comfortable enough to follow through.

He moved to put his arms behind his head on the bed to show that he was submissive to whatever she wanted to do. Then he pushed his hips off the bed to prod her to move. He watched as the fear crossed her eyes as she realized what she was doing. But as she watched him become compliant she again started to take control.

There was another kiss to start off with but it was quickly left behind as she moved to kiss his neck. But as she began to suckle on him he realized that she may be a novice at the actual sex part but this she knew. There wasn’t any hesitation in her assault on his flesh. Then her hands began to move over his sides and once there moved over to his chest. Her mouth came back to kiss him again as her fingers found his nipples.

"Do you like this?" She asked as she gently rubbed them with her thumbs. He nodded his head as he looked up into her face. After giving him a smile she once again bent to kiss his neck. Spike was beginning to lose control as she continued to touch him. But as her kisses began to move down his chest he could feel the hesitation in her touch again. She had moved into new territory again and wasn't sure what to do.

"Don't stop." Spike told her as he began to be lost in her again. Her hair flowed against his skin as she kissed her way down his chest. There was just too much going on for him to be able to absorb it all. There didn't seem to be enough oxygen for him to breathe. Enough light for him to see. Then as she scooted down his body some her tongue flicked across his nipple causing him to arch up into her mouth. He gasped as he brought a hand down to clasp the back of her head.

She mumbled something against him.

"Yes, oh God, yes."

Spike wasn't sure what she had asked but he didn't want to take the time to find out. Anything to keep her from being distracted. She had changed positions so that she was holding her weight on her knees. If he moved just right he could be inside of her tight warmth in one stroke. But as his hand moved down she grabbed hold of it to stop its journey.

"No."

She looked briefly up at him before nipping at his stomach. His hand dropped helplessly against the sheet. At this point he thought he could fly if she asked him too. He would promise her the world and anything in it just to have her keep doing what she was doing. All those years of masturbating hadn't prepared him for these feelings. How powerful this act could be. Or how beautiful it was.

Her hands curled around his torso to his back as she continued to explore his stomach with her mouth. Not wanting to miss anything of what she was doing he grabbed the second pillow to prop himself on. So he could watch everything Buffy did as she moved against him. As her tongue flicked into his belly button her hands had moved down to squeeze his ass. His body coiled in suspense as he waited to see what she would do now. His mind was silently begging that she continue her explorations of him. Then everything in his world exploded as her tongue flicked against the bottom of his cock. She pulled back to look at him. Her eyes met his with a questioning look. This was something else that she had never done before. But she wanted to give to him but was unsure of what to do.

"It's okay. I've never had anyone do it before so I don't think you can do anything wrong." He tried to reassure her with his words and a small smile. As she looked at him then down at the object of her fears he added, "But it's okay if you don't want to."

Somehow knowing that it was all right if she didn't do this gave her the freedom to try. Buffy leaned over him again taking him into her hand. Then she slipped her mouth over the tip running her tongue around it. At this point he couldn't figure out if this felt better than being inside her. With this there was so much going on. Her hand was still wrapped around the base of him while the wet heat of her mouth and tongue teased the top.

Everything in his body wanted to thrust up but he forced himself to lie still under her. His hand came down to twist a lock of her hair around his finger. The alphabet started to play in his head as he tried to keep himself restrained. The last thing he wanted was for Buffy to feel out of control of the situation. She needed the time to become comfortable in what she was doing before he lost it.

Her hand moved from his cock to cup his scrotum in her hand. As she gave it a gentle squeeze he began to say the alphabet out loud. It was just a muttering sound under his breath, as she seemed to swallow him whole. But whatever control he was holding onto was lost as she began to move her mouth up and down his length as a fingernail flicked him on the skin between the two. This time he did thrust up into her mouth just as his hand wrapped in her hair at the back of her head. Buffy pulled back from him as he thrust up. Smiling she moved up over his body again as he eyes followed her. His hand was still in her hair.

"I thought you said had never done that before." He was in awe of what she had done to him and what he still wanted her to do.

"I haven't. My friends talk a lot and I listened."

She was on her hands and knees above him looking down into his eyes. His hand had come up to caress one of the breasts that were right above him. He idly cupped one in his hand then allowed his fingers to roll the nipple. Their gazes became locked as he played with her. As her nerve endings screamed out for more she swallowed back a groan. His free hand moved around to her back to pull her down toward him. To bring her closer to him so that he could suckle on the one his hand wasn’t already engaged with.

Buffy reached for him as she started to lower herself. But wanting to give her what she had given him he moved her hand aside. With one hand on him and one hand on her hip he helped her lower himself down onto him. As she took him in she moved up to a more sitting position. Her hands rested on his stomach for support.

There was shyness in her eyes as she looked down at him. Her body over him fully exposed in the light that came through the back window. But as he looked at her with adoration in his eyes she began to rise and then to come back down. It didn’t take her long to find a rhythm that she was comfortable with as he gave her silent encouragement.

His hands moved along her thighs and hips as she took control of their pleasure. Nothing else mattered except what she was doing to him. A grateful prayer came from his heart that she had come along for him. It made him happy that Drusilla and Darla hadn' t kept their idle promises to him. For this to be his first time would be a beautiful memory that would always bring a smile to his face. If the other two had taken his virginity he knew that it would have been a bumbling embarrassment of an experience. Something that he would have cringed from every time that he thought of it.

Spike looked up at the girl that was riding him and gave her the last of his heart. But somewhere he knew that it had been hers from the start. And long after this was over she would still have it. As she began to change her pace trying to find something that was missing he moved his hand back up her thigh. As he moved it between them she moved back putting her hands on this thighs for balance.

A moan came from deep within her as his fingers moved to separate her. To begin to add to her enjoyment he slowly with circular motions teased her clit. He watched in amazement as her face began to flush and her breathing picked up speed. The changes going on with her as she moved toward her fulfillment gave him satisfaction in itself. His own level of need increased with hers until he was grounding up into her heat as she fought to keep him down. This time he wanted her with him when he came.

"Come on, love, let it go."

As he begged for her to come her eyes flew open wide to meet his. She began to grind back against him. Against his hand. Her need to give him what he wanted was her driving force.

"Spike…don't…. Right there."

Then with a small scream she lost control as he hurried his ministrations. A few thrusts later he found his own release. He pulled her down toward him to cradle her against him. His hand lightly stroked her back while she stretched her legs out alongside his. As their breathing began to return to normal she giggled against him.

"What's up?"

She rose up to look down at him with a big grin on her face.

"We don’t do too bad for a couple of beginners, do we?"

He returned her smile as he rose up to kiss her on the nose.

"Nope, we sure don't."

They lay in each other’s arms for awhile just enjoying being together. Enjoying the feel of the other against them. His hands idly caressed her back or played with her hair. The outside world began to intrude on them as the spell around them began to ebb. Cars arriving and leaving the rest stop sounded outside the van. They could hear people talking and laughing. Children crying.

With a sigh Buffy moved to sit up hating to leave the circle of his arms.

"I have to go to the bathroom." She explained before he had the chance to ask. He nodded in agreement having fought the urge for a while now. He sat up and they began to sort clothes out and put them on. She reached into her purse to grab her brush. Her tousled hair once again became a smooth mane. Then she reached into her overnight bad and grabbed toothpaste and her toothbrush.

Spike laughed thinking it would probably be a good idea. He grabbed his and moved to scoot toward the door. Once outside he turned to help her down from the van. They continued to hold hands as they made way toward the restrooms. They kissed quickly before disappearing to tend to their needs.

Buffy wasn’t in sight when he came out. He trotted out to the van to grab his cigarettes then made his way back up to wait for her. After he lit one he noticed a Highway Patrol car pull into a space in front of him. The officer stepped out and turned to look at his van. Spike felt himself begin to tense up as he turned from the van to him. Taking a deep drag of nicotine to calm his nerves he waited to find out what was going to happen. The officer walked toward him then stopped in front of him.

"That your van, son?" He asked him as he looked him over.

"Yes, sir. Is something wrong?" Spike told himself to be polite. To answer the questions that he was asked.

"It was parked there when I came through almost four hours ago. Anything wrong?"

"No. My girl and I stopped to rest for a while." Spike could almost feel the blush rising in his cheeks. Not only for the lie he had told but for the remembering what they had actually been doing.

"That her?" The officer nodded somewhere over Spike’s shoulder.

Spike turned to look to see Buffy walking their way.

"Yeah."

"Pretty little thing, isn’t she."

The anger and jealousy hit him so hard he felt almost out of control as the guy looked at her. But he didn’t look long and turned back to Spike. "Look, I was your age once so I’m not going to give you any trouble if the two of you leave now. Okay?"

"Yes, sir. Thank you."

Spike knew he sounded like a fawning dope as he answered the officer. But he didn’t want any trouble for either of them. He shook the guys hand before he walked back to his car and drove away.

"Everything okay?" Buffy came up to him and slipped an arm around his waist. Spike pulled her close as he put a kiss on the top of her head.

"Yeah. It’s fine. We just need to get out of here."

But that had been the plan anyway. They had both known it when they had crawled out of the van that it was almost over. Their time together was dwindling down. Spike turned to pull her close to him. She returned the hug as they stood there hoping that time would freeze in this moment forever.

Eventually they got back to the van putting their things away in the back before they moved to the front. Buffy had grabbed the sheet and a pillow from the back to settle into the seat.

"You can sleep in the back if you want." Spike told her not wanting her to be uncomfortable. But she shook her head.

"I want to be with you for as long as we can. How long until we get to Sunnydale?"

"It will probably be about two hours." Her hand reached over to take his. "It doesn’t have to end."

Spike kept his eye on the road as he threw his heart out to her. He held his breath as he waited for her reply. And as the silence grew longer he knew his chances were getting slimmer by the second.

"Spike, it would be impossible. We live in two different cities. We’re two different people." The last part she said so softly as if she was speaking to herself. It was excuses. She was afraid to take a chance.

"You’re going to take him back. Aren’t you?" He turned to her angrily and the guilty look on her face gave him the answer.

"You don’t understand. We’ve been together for two years." She tried to defend herself to him but even to her own ears it sounded weak.

"Buffy, if you don’t want to be with me it’s one thing but to go back to someone who doesn’t deserve you and who treats you like shit is stupid."

"A few minutes ago I was special but now I’m stupid. Thanks." She turned toward the window taking back her hand.

Spike threw his head back for a moment as the frustration flooded his body. It was her life and she had to choose. They had agreed to be friends. Independent of one another. It wasn’t his right to interfere. Except for the fact he was head over heels in love with her.

"It’s not that you’re in love with him. It’s because you think it’s what you should do. You’re afraid to stand up for what you want. For who you are. Afraid of what your friends will say."

She laughed at his words trying to show him that he had no idea of what he was talking about. But he did. His words were so accurate that it was scary. She was afraid of what they would say. Riley was who she was supposed to be with. The perfect nice guy. Except that he hadn’t treated her in two years as well as Spike had in the past few hours. But what would everybody say if she brought somebody like him home.

"No, I’m not. Like I said you don’t understand."

He didn’t want to hurt her. To have their last few moments together be ugly. But he was fighting for his life here.

"No, I don’t understand anything do I? You’ll go home and Riley will come home. You’ll forgive him. The two of you will go to college together then have a big June wedding after graduation. With all your friends and family there. You’ll have a couple of kids and stay home with them while he continues to cheat. But, hey, you did what you were supposed to do. And you have a memory of a night when you had a guy who would never treat you bad to fill your lonely life."

She didn’t respond to his rant as she stared out the window. The miles began to slip away as they remained in their silence. Each lost in their own thoughts. Somewhere along the way though she reached for his hand again as he continued to hope that she would change her mind.

"I’m sorry, Spike. I never meant to hurt you." She sighed as she turned in her seat to look at him. "Believe me when I say that."

He glanced at her quickly to see if she was toying with him. Her eyes were wide in her face as she looked at him. She looked sad and torn. He sighed as he realized it was tearing her up inside. No matter what he did he wouldn’t change her mind. It was over.

"It was my own fault. You said you only wanted one night." He blinked back the wetness in his eyes as he turned back to the road.

Buffy brought his hand to her lips so she could lay a kiss on it. He smiled as she rubbed it against her face. The reminder of the ride to Sunnydale was made in a comfortable silence. They were both tired, emotionally and physically after the long day. When they pulled off the exit to her hometown she began to give him directions to her house. He drove slowly as he followed her directions. Trying to draw out what little time they had left. When they turned down a road and she pointed out her house his heart began to break. He stopped the van where she indicated. She crawled in the back and got her stuff together then laid it on the front seat.

Finally she turned to him crouching down next to him. Her hands cupped his face as she made him look at her.

"I’ll never forget you or what happened. You are really special. And you showed me things that I didn’t know existed."

Buffy rose up to kiss him goodbye. But Spike didn’t want her tender little kiss he wanted to show her how much she would be missing. As he reached around her waist he also reached down to move the seat back. Buffy ended up in his lap as he devoured her mouth pouring all the love he felt into the kiss. But it didn’t work. She pulled away from him to crawl out of the van. Turning she grabbed her suitcase and purse.

"Bye, Spike."

Then she walked away. Up the walk to her house. He waited until she had closed the door behind her before he pulled into a neighbor’s drive to turn around. At the stop sign on the corner he stopped long enough to light a cigarette. His hands trembled as he held the lighter up. As soon as he was out of sight of her house he was going to pull over so he could bawl his eyes out. The pain in his chest was overwhelming. The burning in his eyes nearly blinded him. He slowly pulled out into the intersection and was halfway through when he heard something.

"Spiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiike. Stop. Spike."

He slammed on the brakes nearly causing a car to hit him but he didn’t care. He looked back in the direction he had come to see her running his way. Her feet were bare as she pounded down the middle of the road toward him. As another car honked at him he quickly drove the van to the side and stopped. As soon as he got out she was there. Flying at him. Her arms wrapped around his neck. Then with a small jump her legs went around his waist. To help hold her up he turned them so her back was against the side of the van.

Buffy began to kiss him all over his face as he laughed at her gestures. But until she told him exactly what she was doing he wasn’t letting his guard down again.

"What’s going on, pet?"

Then she kissed his lips. Her tongue moved into his mouth with a possessing manner. They didn’t separate until they needed to take in air. He looked up into her face as they broke apart.

"You said you were going to be in San Francisco for the summer. So, you don’t have any other plans, do you? Stay with me."

As she saw hesitation in his eyes she continued to say anything to keep him with her. But the hesitation wasn’t about her it was about practical matters. Like a place to stay. But it was as if she was reading his mind.

"Look, I know Sunnydale is small but we can find something to do." Her hips moved toward him when she said this making him want her again. "And my friend Xander has his own pad. If I ask he’ll let you crash for a while. Then my mom is going away with my sister next month. Then you can stay with me. We’ll figure it out as we go."

Then she became silent for a moment. She ran a hand through his hair as she leaned forward to kiss him softly.

"I don’t know what is going to happen but I want to try. I don’t want to let you go." She told him as a tear fell down her cheek. "Please stay."

Spike couldn’t believe this was happening to him. This girl wanted him. She wanted him enough to go against everything she was to take a chance on him. Then he started to cry along with her.

"Yeah, I’ll stay, love."

He knew this was where he belonged as they began to kiss again.

And as it turned out it was the best summer of his life.

The End

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