Sometimes I just want to scream at her that it will never be perfect without mom.

But, I don't. We all just pretend to be into the whole Christmas spirit thing, even if Buffy is driving us bonkers.'

"Dawn?"

Sighing heavily, Dawn closed and locked her diary, stuffing it under her mattress just as Buffy stuck her head in the door.

"Dinner."

"What are we having?"

"Peanut butter and jelly."

Dawn made a face, but rose to follow her sister downstairs. Willow sat at the table solemnly munching on a sandwich, the fingers of her other hand tapping a random pattern on the table top. Frowning at the witch's twitchiness, Dawn brushed past her to take her seat, carefully placing her broken arm on the table.

Willow swallowed a lump of sandwich and stopped tapping.

As she carried in two plates, Buffy saw the tension between the two and frowned. Plunking one plate in front of Dawn, she took her own seat.

"These aren't Cape Cod chips."

"Do you know how much those cost?" Buffy answered, taking a sip of tap water from a glass.

"We could have real chips and bottled water if you hadn't spent all our money on Christmas dinner."

"We're going to have a nice Christmas," Buffy stressed. "A perfect Christmas."

Not even bothering to argue further, Dawn dug into her food, ignoring her sister's attempts at conversation.

The tapping on the table began again, and the tension stretched.

---

After yet another torturous dinner, Dawn dumped her plate in the sink and headed for the backdoor.

"Where are you going?" Buffy asked.

"Last minute shopping."

"We were going to decorate the tree."

"You do it."

"Dawn, you can't go out alone at this time of night."

As Dawn opened her mouth to argue, there was a soft knock on the door and then it opened. Tara stepped into the house.

"Ready to go, Dawnie? Hi, Buffy."

Buffy welcomed her with a smile of relief. "You two malling it?"

"Um, yeah. I need a few more gifts," Tara explained, helping Dawn on with her jacket. "I'll get Dawn back safe and sound in a few hours."

"We can hold off the tree trimming till then. You're welcome to join us," Buffy suggested, as she began to wash the dinner dishes.

"Oh...I don't know."

Buffy turned, a concerned look on her face. "You *are* still planning to come to dinner tomorrow, right?"

Tara flushed, but nodded. "If you really want me..."

"You're family, Tara," Buffy stressed.

"Okay."

"Let's go before the shops are all sold out," Dawn insisted, tugging Tara out the door.

"I'll have cocoa and cookies waiting," Buffy called after them.

As the door slammed shut behind her, Dawn muttered, "Can she be more annoyingly cheerful?"

"Dawn...she's handling everything the best she can, in her own way."

Dawn looked up at the peaceful face that was smiling down at her and felt a shiver of guilt. "I know, but...she's not mom." They headed out of the backyard and down the street.

"Of course not, sweetie, but just because your mom's gone doesn't mean you can't have a happy Christmas. It'll be different, of course it will be different, but that doesn't mean it won't be nice."

"She's just so...edgy and weird these days." She raised her broken arm. "Ever since this happened. But, it's not my arm, or me. Something else happened then."

"What?"

Dawn shrugged. "Don't know. But I'm pretty sure it has to do with Spike. I've hardly seen him in the last three weeks, and every time I mention him to Buffy she gets all freaked."

"...Oh."

"So...can we stop by his crypt so I can invite him to Christmas dinner?" Dawn wheedled.

"Oh, Dawn, are you sure you want to do that?"

"Buffy keeps saying that she wants Christmas to be perfect for me, so if I say it will only be perfect with Spike there, she'll have to go along with it."

"Interesting Dawn logic," Tara replied with a smile. Wrapping her arm through Dawn's good one, she turned toward's Spike's cemetery. "Okay. You can ask him."

---

At the knock, Spike opened his door in surprise. No one knocked.

"Dawn..."

Dawn grinned up at him. "Hi Spike. Miss me?"

How obviously he had was clear on his face as he tugged her into his arms and hugged her. "How've you been, niblet?"

"Okay. Why haven't you come to visit?" Pulling away from him, she stepped into the crypt, followed by Tara. Spike closed the door behind them, shaking his head slightly as he watched Dawn make a face at the layer of dust on the furniture. "This place could use a woman's touch."

"Yeah, know one of those?" Spike quipped.

"You didn't answer my question."

Slowly Spike lit a cigarette, then hopped up onto the sarcophagus, as Tara cleared junk off his couch and took a seat. Dawn stood in the middle of the room, good arm crossed over her chest.

"Well?"

"I'm thinking," Spike retorted.

"It's Buffy, isn't it," Dawn accused. "She got mad about something and drove you away."

"I didn't go anywhere, pet." He drew deeply on his cigarette.

"You stopped coming over. I've seen you once since you took me to the hospital. Did *I* do something...?"

"Hell no, Dawn," he replied gruffly, then sighed heavily. "Your big sis and I...well, we've reached an impasse."

"What impasse? Stop dancing around it, Spike. I'm not a kid."

"No, you're not. What did Buffy say when you asked her why I haven't been around?"

Dawn flushed and he gave her a knowing look.

"Didn't ask her, did you."

"She's gone totally nuts, keeps bringing every conversation back to Christmas. I mention your name and suddenly we're baking cookies."

Spike chuckled at the image.

"So, you had a fight, right? Can't you just say you're sorry and make it up to her?"

"It's not that easy, Dawn."

"You grownups make everything too complicated. Look, first I want you to sign my cast. Everyone else in the family has." She didn't catch the look of shocked joy on Spike's face, as she continued blithely, "And then I want you to come to Christmas Eve dinner tomorrow."

"Dawn, I can't do that. Buffy doesn't want me there.

Dawn gave him a stubborn look. "Perfect Christmas. Buffy wants to make it a perfect Christmas for me, even though that's totally impossible, and so I'll tell her it won't be perfect without you."

A slow grin crossed his face. "Emotional blackmail, luv?"

Realizing he was agreeing to come, Dawn grinned back. "Learned from the best. Now, you have to bring a gift."

"What?"

"Something generic for the Santa swap."

"What??"

Tara smothered her giggles behind one hand.

---

Christmas Eve morning came bright and early and Dawn bounded from bed. She'd successfully avoided Buffy the night before, but now it was time to tell her.

And maybe find out what was behind all this. Before the whole Willow car crash mess, Dawn would have sworn that Buffy and Spike were becoming friends. But now Buffy changed the subject every time his name was mentioned, and even Spike danced around the subject of their relationship.

Grown ups really could be stupid.

Showered and dressed, Dawn ran down the stairs. The lights on the tree were already on and she stopped to look at the pretty decorations. As her mom had bought plastic boxes for the ornaments a few years before, they'd been safe from the flooding of the basement.

Nostalgia and much deeper emotions washed over her as she looked at a few of her mother's favorites.

The night before she'd claimed a headache and gone to her room to avoid the forced cheeriness of decorating. As tears filled her eyes, Dawn wondered how Buffy had managed to get through the ritual of lights and tinsel and laughter and Bing Crosby songs.

"Dawn?" Buffy asked softly from behind her.

Dawn drew back her fingers from a pretty glass snowman. "This was mom's favorite. Remember when she bought it? She told us it wasn't' Christmas without snow."

Gently Buffy touched her sister's shoulder. When Dawn didn't flinch away, she embraced her from behind. "I wish you'd wanted to join us last night."

"I...couldn't. How could you?" She blinked away the tears and pulled away from her older sister.

"Because..." Buffy adjusted a red ball on the tree. "Mom wouldn't have wanted us to avoid the holidays. She loved them. She loved everything about them." Turning, the older girl smiled gently at her sister, then her eyes dropped to the cast Dawn was clutching to her chest.

Buffy frowned.

Adorning one of the few remaining patches of white was an elegantly scrawled name and a picture of a railroad spike wrapped in a rose.

"When did you see Spike?"

Dawn flushed and shoved her arms behind her back. "Um..."

"Dawn," Buffy scolded sternly.

"I don't know why you're pissed off at him. I don't even care. But, he's my friend."

"He's not a friend, Dawn. He's a..."

Yeah, yeah," Dawn interrupted. "He's a vampire. He's a monster. "He's evil. Blah blah." Rolling her eyes, she ignored her sister's growing anger, and said, "*I* like him, and I invited him to dinner."

Buffy stared at her sister, stunned. "Wh...what?"

"You want this to be the perfect Christmas for me, right? He makes it perfect."

"Dawn! You can't just invite the evil undead to dinner," Buffy choked.

"Why? You invited insane Wicca girl."

Now Buffy was the one rolling her eyes. "Dawn, Willow's truly sorry and she hasn't done any magic in three weeks. You've seen what withdrawal is doing to her. She's trying to get better. When are you going to forgive her?"

"Oh, maybe when I can bathe without a plastic bread bag on my arm."

Buffy gritted her teeth. "Spike is not welcome here."

"You only own half the house, Buffy. I want him here."

"Technically, the bank owns the house and a trust owns half of the mortgage for you until you're twenty-one."

"Now you're just getting snippy. Shouldn't you be stuffing a goose or something."

"Don't try to change the subject, and it's not sanitary to stuff the goose," Buffy retorted.

"Whatever. I'm going to go have breakfast and then finish wrapping my presents. Oh, I told Spike to bring one for the Santa swap."

"Then we'll have one extra present because he won't be here to receive his."

Dawn rounded on her sister, glaring at her. "Perfect Christmas, Buffy, that's what you promised me." She could see Buffy choking on her own anger, and softened. "Did he...did he do or say something to hurt you, Buffy? Something that can't be forgiven? Cause, if that's the case, then I'll uninvite him, but I can't turn my back on him just because you're mad at him for some undefinable reason."

Frowning, Buffy tightly shook her head. "It's personal, between the two of us. It's..." Her eyes dropped to the floor. "All right, he can join us, but Dawn...he's not the good guy you think he is."

"Then why did you entrust my life to him?"

When there was no answer from the older girl, Dawn shook her head and left the room.

---

Dawn spent most of the day in her bedroom sulking and trying not to think about her mom. By mid-afternoon the aroma of apple pie wafted up the stairs, followed by that of roasting goose wafted up the stairs, but even that wasn't enough to lure her down to the kitchen. She was pretty amazed that there was no acrid stench of burning food, though.

As night fell, she finally left her room, and found Buffy in the dining room, setting the table. A frilly and very stained apron was tied around her waist, flour covered her t-shirt, and her curly hair was limp with perspiration.

A tendril of chagrin traveled through Dawn. "I can do that."

Buffy looked up and gave a short smile of relief. "That would be great. Will's looking after the food. I'd love a quick shower."

"When's everyone due?"

"In about twenty minutes." A panicked look crossed her face. "Make sure Willow puts the potatoes on to boil in fifteen."

Dawn arched one eyebrow, but nodded, then started to pick through the huge pile of silverware for the salad forks. Buffy gave her sister's shoulder a grateful squeeze, then dashed for the stairs.

As Dawn walked around the table placing silverware next to plates, Willow hesitantly stuck her head into the room. "Need any help?"

There was such a look of hope on Willow's face, that Dawn felt a bit of her animosity fade away. "Um, I guess we need glasses."

Willow smiled. "Coming right up."

---

Buffy descended the stairs just as Xander and Anya arrived, knocking first before opening the door, their arms laden with presents.

"Why do we have to eat first? I want to know what's in the little red box."

Xander just grinned at his fianc‚ and leaned down to kiss Buffy's cheek. "Merry Christmas, Buffy."

"Merry Christmas, Xander, Anya. Come on in. Presents under the tree, drinks and cheese nibbles on the coffee table."

Before Buffy could close the front door, Tara arrived, a bit hesitant, but smiling. Dawn welcomed her with a hug and led her into the living room. Willow sat on the couch, her back straight, a worried look on her face.

"Willow looks lonely," Dawn whispered in Tara's ear, then she grinned as Tara walked over to her former girlfriend and joined her on the couch.

"Playing matchmaker?" Buffy whispered in her ear.

"Me? You're the one who invited Tara, multiple times I might add until she agreed." Dawn grinned at her sister, then reached for a glass of sparkling cider. "Why can't I have real wine?"

Buffy rolled her eyes.

---

A few minutes before dinner was going to be ready, the back door opened and Spike walked into the house. He looked...unsure. "Sorry I'm late," he mumbled. "Mall was hellacious."

Buffy didn't turn from the stove, but started mashing the potatoes furiously.

Sitting on one of the stools, dishing salad onto plates, Dawn smiled at Spike and gave him the once over. She gave his natty grey trousers and black turtleneck a thumbs up and nodded approvingly at the bag of presents in his hand. "Merry Christmas, Spike."

"To you, too, Niblet."

"Anything in there for me?"

"It's customary to bring the ladies of the house gifts on such occasions."

Dawn grinned and slid from the stool, reaching for the bag. "I'll put them under the tree. Maybe you can help Buffy get the goose out of the oven."

She was out of the kitchen before either could protest, but she didn't go far. Stopping just inside the living room, she listened, hoping to find out why her sister and Spike were mad at each other.

"If this is too much for you, Slayer, I can leave."

"Dawn wants you here," Buffy replied flatly, taking her aggression out on the mashed potatoes.

"And what do you want?"

The husky tone in Spike's voice startled Dawn, and she peeked her head around the corner. Her eyes widened.

Spike's hands were on Buffy's shoulders, kneading them gently, and Buffy was relaxing under his touch.

"Not this," Buffy whimpered.

"I think you do," Spike murmured back, leaning down and nibbling at her neck.

"Spike..."

"I've missed you."

Buffy slumped, then lifted her head and rested it back on his shoulder. "This is so wrong," she muttered, mostly to herself.

Spike grinned and wrapped his arms around her waist. "Yeah, but it feels so damn right, luv."

A soft, self-deprecating laugh burst from Buffy. "I've actually missed hearing you call me that." She turned in his arms and caught his shoulders in her strong hands. "So, you going to be the big, strong man, and get the goose out of the oven?"

Grinning even wider, Spike pinched her bottom, making her squeal and redden. Laughing, she smacked him on the chest, then took his face in her hands and kissed him.

Hidden in the doorway, Dawn had gone from feeling surprise to shock to just a bit of glee. As the Slayer and the Vampire's kiss turned passionate, she blushed and looked away.

So, that was why...

Grinning, she nearly skipped into the living room.

"And why is the Dawnster so happy? Did you peek at your presents?" Xander teased. He was standing before the dormant fireplace, arm around his fiance who was leaning lovingly into him. On the couch, the two separated lovers were holding hands and quietly talking, hesitant smiles on their faces.

And in the kitchen...

"It's turning into a perfect Christmas."

 

The End

 

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