"Mom, I'll be fine, really. I...I really want to spend this first day and night with him alone."

Joyce gave her daughter one more despairing look, then nodded and stepped out the apartment door. "You call me if you need anything," she stressed. "Any time of the day or night. I'm only five minutes away."

Buffy nodded and kissed her mother on the cheek. "I will, I promise, but we'll be fine."

"I'll come over tomorrow morning with breakfast."

Conceding, Buffy nodded again, plastering a smile on her face, and waving after her mother. As she disappeared into the stairwell, Buffy sighed and closed the door. Slowly she walked across the floor and gingerly sat on the couch. She was tired already and she'd only been home for thirty minutes. Leaning her head back, she closed her eyes.

---

She awoke with a start, feeling his eyes on her, penetrating into her. Gasping and trembling, Buffy pushed herself up on the couch, her eyes immediately falling on the figure sitting in the darkness across from her.

On returning home, she hadn't opened the blinds...maybe knowing...

A light flicked on and she blinked into the glare. Angel sat comfortably on an easy chair, watching her with cold eyes that ran languidly down her body.

"Back to your lovely self."

Buffy nodded, swallowing hard. He had said..."You said you wouldn't come until I said I was healed..."

"I have my needs."

His voice chilled her, but in contradiction, her body flushed hotly. "I can't."

"There are other ways, lover."

She swallowed again, her mouth dry from sleep and underlying fear. "Please, Angel..."

"It was your decision and I've tolerated it, but I refuse to be discomfited any longer. It's over with and your body is mine again."

Physically flinching from his harsh words, Buffy felt tears welling up in her eyes and her throat tightening. She loved him still and he treated her like shit. He had never approved of her decision, of her need, and now he was going to take it out on her.

Angel rose to his feet and took one large step towards her, when a high pitched cry filled the air.

Her heart racing with sudden fear, Buffy jumped to her feet and hurried as fast as she could down the hallway. Entering the brightly painted room, she turned on a low wattage lamp and went to the white crib beneath the windows. Quickly pulling the blinds open and flooding the room with afternoon sun, Buffy leaned down and picked up her crying son.

Carefully cradling the infant against her breasts, she crooned softly, trying to forget the angry vampire in the living room. Feeling her breasts began to tingle, she sank down into the rocker and fumbled one-handed at the buttons on her blouse.

The baby cried harder.

"Shhh, shhh, sweetie, I know you're hungry. Just hang on there a minute." Frustration grew as she struggled with the buttons while trying to soothe the baby, and the tears returned to her eyes, stinging her as she tried to hold them back. "What made me think I could do this?" she sobbed softly, giving up on the blouse and cradling her son.

Feeling his presence, Buffy glanced up and saw Angel standing in the doorway, watching her, with eyes dark and deep. Her breath caught in her throat. "I'll just be a few minutes... Please..." Her fingers went back to the buttons and this time managed to free them. The velcro on the maternity bra was much easier to deal with and she uncovered one full breast. Carefully, she cradled her baby and placed him at her swollen nipple.

As he latched on, she gasped, still unused to the pressure such a tiny creature could create.

Turning her attention back to the baby, she was still aware of Angel's every move as he walked into the room, carefully avoided the patches of sunlight, and pulled the blind down. He crouched in front of her, watching the baby suckle.

"Does it hurt?"

Buffy gaped at him, surprised that he was showing any interest. "Um, no. It's a little...weird."

"Looks like fun."

Blushing, Buffy looked back down and saw that the baby had fallen asleep. Carefully, she refastened her bra, then rose and settled him on his side in the crib, propped on two rolled blankets. Angel's hand fell on her shoulder and she flinched. "If you'll just go into my room, I'll be there in a minute," she whispered, her voice sad and empty.

Turning her, Angel scooped her into his arms and carried her into her bedroom. Laying her on the wide bed, he sat next to her and turned on the bedside lamp. "You look tired."

"I gave birth yesterday morning," she responded, slightly exasperated. "I AM tired."

"What did you name him?"

Eyes narrowing at Angel's strange change in attitude, Buffy answered slowly. "Conor Michael."

"...Those are my middle names."

"I know."

Swearing under his breath, Angel jumped to his feet and began to pace around the room. "You're not going to suck me into this, damn it. I told you from the start I didn't want you having a kid. You went behind my back and got yourself knocked up...and if I ever find out who you let touch you, I'll make him eat his own dick. I watched for nine months as you grew fatter and fatter. I stopped fucking you when you told me to. And now the brat's here and he's going to take up all your time and you named him after me?" He glared furiously at her and she cringed into the pillows. "I hate you, Buffy Summers," he swore softly. "I'm a demon, a master vampire. I refuse to let you turn me into a daddy!"

Two fat tears slid out of her stricken eyes and Buffy curled herself into a ball. All she had wanted to was to experience what normal women got to have--pregnancy, childbirth, raising a baby. She never knew if she'd see the next morning. It was selfish, she knew that. She had a baby, a baby she could very easily leave motherless.

What the hell had she been thinking?

The bed depressed and Angel's hand ran gently over her shaking back. "Baby, don't cry," he murmured softly, trying to comfort her. "You know I hate it when you cry." He turned her onto her back and lifted her into his arms, pressing her face against his shoulder. "Hit me instead, baby. I deserve it."

"I don't understand you," she wailed, her voice soft so as not to wake her son. Her arms went around his back, clutching him to her, needing to be held by him even when he despised her.

"That makes two of us." Angel sighed and pressed a kiss to the top of her head as she calmed down.

"I...I'm the oldest slayer ever and I'm only twenty-two. I just wanted...I wanted something normal."

"You can have babies for twenty years, so why now?"

At the frustration in his voice, Buffy pulled back from him and looked into his confused, angry eyes. "You really don't understand, do you?" He shook his head, frowning at her. "Just because your vampire clan knows I'm off limits, doesn't protect me from every other vampire out there, not to mention demons, ghouls, trolls. I'm living on borrowed time."

Angel's frown turned into a furious scowl. "I refuse to accept that. I WILL NOT LET YOU DIE."

Everything inside Buffy softened. Behind the fury in his voice, behind the conviction, there was terror.

He was afraid for her.

The tears returned, but this time they were tinged with joy and she crawled onto his lap, burying her face in his neck. "I love you Angelus, my guardian...demon."

Baffled, he instinctively encircled her waist with his arms, holding her close. Finally, he gave up on his righteous anger and buried his face in her hair. "Buffy," he whispered, his voice vibrating through her.

And she knew he loved her, too. He just would never be able to say the words.

 

The End

 

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