"Cheers"

Author: DH Artemis
Email: dhartemis@hotmail.com
Spoilers: Takes place a few days after "Who Are You." Brief allusions to Beer Bad and seasons 2-3 B/A episodes.
Notes: I know everyone and their dog has already written their own version of this story and posted it two weeks ago. Oh well, here's my dog's version, a whole two days before it gets Jossed. =)

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"So I've been wondering -- why would a guy who obviously looks depressed go to a bar and then sit in a booth and not drink?" Xander slid into the seat across from Riley, setting two bottles on the table. Sinking into the deep cushions of the booth, he took a long drink from the nearest beer before nudging the other one further across the table.

Riley stared at it but didn't move. "Aren't you under age?"

The younger boy flashed him an innocent grin. "Not according to the fake ID I used when I worked here." He pulled a cigarette lighter from his pocket, lighting it as he held it across the table. "Rough day?"

Riley chuckled, picking up the bottle and taking a sip. "You could say that."

"Wanna talk about it?" Xander's manner was overly casual

"Why?" Riley squinted at his companion with open curiosity. "I mean, don't get me wrong, I appreciate the concern. But I've always gotten the impression you didn't exactly like me."

Xander nodded, not bothering to politely deny it. "The fact that you're Buffy's boyfriend automatically makes you a high risk for Next Big Evil. It's nothing personal -- you seem like a pretty nice guy, all things considered."

Riley laughed without humor, remembering how much had happened since he'd first met Buffy's friends. " 'All things' being the Initiative, my boss -- excuse me, former boss, my friends, the drugs they fed me ..."

"Exactly. Except for all that." Xander took another swig from his bottle and grinned. "Believe me, you still have a lot more going for you than ... " He glanced up suddenly, then shifted his eyes uncomfortably away. Taking another quick drink in a feeble attempt to cover his lapse, he began again. "So, that brings us back to the question at hand. What brings you here? And why no Buffy?"

Riley was intrigued by the obvious omission. "’I have a lot more going for me than ...’ who?" he prompted.

Xander did a convincing impression of a deer caught in the headlights of a Mack truck. "Nobody. Uh ... " he racked his brains, stuttering for a moment before inspiration struck. "Parker! Very bad guy. Anyway, I thought I was the one asking the questions."

Riley decided to let the subject drop; he wasn't up to much socializing, anyway. His gaze focused on the table in front of him. "I really don't want to talk about it. Sorry." He motioned to a waitress, who brought them another round of drinks.

Xander nodded sagely. "Mind if I guess? I have some time to kill before Anya gets here anyway. Hmm, let's see -- it has something to do with Faith and the Freaky Friday routine she pulled."

"How'd you know?"

"Willow gave me the highlights. Although, judging from the look on your face, she didn't know the whole story."

"No. No, she didn't. Although she probably does by now." Riley could just imagine Willow and Buffy sitting on her bed, cursing him and eating chocolate ice cream. He sighed again.

Xander studied him intently. "You slept with her."

Riley sagged back against the booth, feeling again the dull ache in his chest that flared to life every time he thought of the haunted look on her face. "That's exactly what Buffy said." He closed his eyes briefly, then opened them. "Again -- how did you know?"

Xander raked his fingers through his hair and smiled tightly, raising one of the glasses the waitress had brought. "Join the club. Cheers." He was not expecting to be pulled halfway across the table by the front of his shirt.

"What the hell does that mean?" Riley's voice was low but fierce, and he ignored the stares of the people at nearby tables.

Xander was painfully aware of the wooden table digging into his abdomen, and he stuttered slightly as he recovered from the surprise. "I - I didn't have sex with her while she was *Buffy*! Sheesh, calm down. At ease." Riley released him suddenly, ducking his head in shame.

"I'm sorry. I just thought, when you said ... Forgive me." He shook his head in self-disgust.

"That's okay," Xander replied slowly. Riley thought he heard him mutter something about 'the menace of Buffy's jealous boyfriends,' but he wasn't sure, and he wasn't in an position to ask for clarification. "You're not really a big drinker, are you," Xander commented.

Riley's eyebrows raised. "How'd you guess?" he asked dryly. He picked up his second drink -- so far untouched -- and chugged. "But if there was ever a time to get drunk, this is it," he muttered.

Xander watched with sympathy as he finished his drink and ordered another. The self-flagellation was painful to watch. "We all saw her, you know. Faith. Buffy, whatever. She talked to the whole gang and we had no idea. It's not your fault."

Riley glared at him, not really wanting his pity or his understanding. "How long did you talk to her? Five minutes? Ten? She spent the night in my room. I knew something was wrong. I shouldn't have ignored it."

The self-loathing and guilt in Riley's words were still obvious. Xander tried again, hoping bluntness would shock the Iowa boy out of his self-pity. "What the hell were you supposed to do? Your girlfriend shows up, wants to have sex, and you're supposed to be suspicious and send her home?"

Riley wasn't buying it. "Yes."

"Oh, come on. Even you have to admit that's totally unrealistic."

"No, I don't. Besides, what makes you think she was the one who wanted to ..."

"I know Faith," Xander interrupted. He rolled his eyes with a self-deprecating smile. "Like I said. And I know how she works. This is a classic win-win situation. If you thought she was acting weird and rejected her, then she messed up Buffy's relationship and she wins. If you don't, then she not only gets to prove she can have everything Buffy does, but she gets to actually take it from her. She's tried this before. And I bet that in some ways sleeping with you was her revenge for not being able to get Angel."

That name was familiar. "Who's Angel?"

Xander took another drink and a deep breath. "Look, I said too much. What exactly did Buffy tell you about Faith?"

Riley sighed in frustration. "Not much -- crazy, evil, blames Buffy, and lashes out at the people Buffy cares about. I told her she was holding out on me, but she didn't want to go into details and I didn't push. I'm starting to wish I had -- maybe if I'd known more I would have caught on."

Xander nodded with mock sincerity. "Yeah, maybe. 'Gee, Buf, you seem to be acting like a homicidal psycho pretending to be my girlfriend. You didn't switch bodies with Faith, did you?' " He smiled expectantly, dropping the bad Riley impression. "... then again, probably not." He debated with himself for a moment before continuing, unsure how much of the saga Buffy would want him to reveal. "It's really not my story to tell, but Faith's favorite plan of attack was going after Buffy's boyfriend. When she couldn't steal him she tried to kill him. That's eventually what led to the fight that put her in a coma."

Riley watched Xander carefully, mentally cataloging all the vague comments and topic changes that would probably fit together if he had all the pieces. "There's a lot I still don't know," he tested neutrally.

"Yes."

Riley sighed in resignation. "And you're not going to tell me."

"Right. Sorry."

"I understand." He sat up a little straighter. "So let's say, just for argument's sake, that you're right -- that I couldn't have known, and I'm totally blameless for what happened. That still doesn't change how Buffy feels about it."

Xander considered this for a moment. "Maybe not yet. But give her a few days to think it over. Right now I'm sure she's incredibly confused. It's gotta be weird for her -- having someone else controlling your body, doing whatever they want with it..." He started chuckling, and Riley eyed him suspiciously. He certainly didn't find the situation funny. Xander smiled and shrugged his acknowledgment of how weird it looked. "Sorry, I was just thinking -- if I were Buffy, I'd be checking for tattoos. I can just see Faith doing something like that." When Riley didn't even crack a smile, Xander sighed and resumed his serious demeanor. "But anyway, you just have to give her time. She'll come around once she's sorted it out."

"I'm not so sure. You didn't see the look on her face." He chuckled bitterly. "And she doesn't even know the worst of it."

"It gets worse than sleeping with Faith? Is that possible?"

Riley took a long drink. "I told her I loved her."

Xander winced. "Ouch. Wow. And Buffy doesn't know ..." Xander thought for a moment. "That probably wasn't too fun for you, either. I bet Faith didn't take it very well."

Riley smiled at the understatement in spite of himself. "No, she really didn't." His expression darkened again. "You know, in hindsight, that's when I really should have known for sure that it wasn't Buffy. Before that, I just wrote off the weird behavior as adrenaline -- I thought Buffy was blowing off steam from fighting Faith and got carried away." He paused, his downcast expression showing the faintest hint of amusement. "Hell, it wasn't the first time she'd completely baffled me. But when I told her, Bu--" he caught the mistake, "--Faith really freaked out. She even called Buffy 'her' at one point instead of 'me.' And I was so busy being insecure and worrying about her -- I mean, worrying about Buffy, that I didn't catch it."

"Are you going to tell her?"

"That I love her, or that I told Faith?" Riley made a sound of derision that was almost a snort. "Either way I don't know. My one consolation in all of this is that it was actually Faith who said those things, not Buffy. But ... after all this it might be better to wait."

Said what things? Xander wanted to ask, but didn't. Instead, he settled for some advise. "No, don't wait. Listen, I don’t have a great track record on understanding what Buffy does or why..." Xander paused, lost in a parade of some of his least-favorite memories, when their little group had been strained by his inability to support Buffy's decisions. It only took him a moment to shake it off. "... but I do know this: Buffy is an easy person to fall in love with, but she’s not an easy person to love. I don’t think it’s her fault, but people around her wind up getting hurt. Sometimes badly. Sometimes permanently. It’s just one of those lucky perks of being the slayer."

Riley smiled sarcastically. "Thanks. That helps."

Xander rolled his eyes. "I’m not finished. It’s worth it. Being part of her life is worth the risk. And you can’t give up when it looks impossible. Because with her, it's always impossible -- you just have to do it anyway."

Riley sat in quiet contemplation, slowly turning over Xander's words. Eventually he nodded. "Thank you."

Xander started to rise from the table. "Any time. I have to go, my girlfriend just got here." He waved, catching Anya's attention as she scanned the room from the door. "And your girlfriend has been watching us from that barstool for the last ten minutes." He grinned quickly at the startled look on Riley's face, patting him on the shoulder as he walked away.

It took Riley a full minute to find the courage to glance in the direction Xander had pointed. When their eyes met, he could see that Buffy was watching him intently, her nervousness only apparent in the mangled straw she twisted back and forth. As she fluidly slid off the stool and moved toward him, he was acutely aware that his heart had somehow become lodged in his throat.

Buffy slipped quietly into the seat across from him. Years passed -- or maybe it was only a few minutes of each staring blankly at the table, glancing up frequently but looking away before the other could see. Riley finally managed a tight smile. "Somebody should speak before one of us graduates," he whispered, almost as if he was speaking to himself.

Buffy grinned faintly, and their eyes met for the first time since she sat down. "That's my line."

"Yeah, but I thought that if I used it first, you would have to be the one to talk this time." He smiled winsomely, his eyes wide.

She sighed in mock exasperation. "Again with the innocent face. Cheater. Fine. I was on my way to see you, but I saw your car outside. Why are you here drinking with Xander? And what was he saying to you?"

Riley took a moment to decide how much of Xander's advice he should pass on. "Well, he thinks I might be evil, for one thing. And he told me not to give up on us too easily." He watched her carefully for a reaction to that, but her face betrayed nothing. Damn. "He was here waiting for Anya, we didn't come together." Riley hesitated slightly, debating. "Did he ever tell you he was in love with you?"

Buffy was caught off guard. "Yeah, he kind of did. But that was a long time ago. Did he tell you?"

"No. Not exactly." They fell silent, and Riley knew his reprieve was over. No more small talk. "So ..." He exhaled suddenly. "I don't know how to do this. I don't know what to say or what to fix or what to do. I didn't realize it was *possible* for anything to get this complicated."

"I did." Buffy smiled sympathetically, but there was a twinge of pain there as well. She shook her head to dispel the vivid memories she had of complicated relationships. "After a while you get used to it."

When she looked at him again he was leaning forward, and one hand darted out to catch hers. "Tell me."

Her eyebrows wrinkled with bewilderment. "What?"

"Tell me. Whatever it is everyone alludes to but won't say. I want to help. I at least want to understand." His thumb traced tentative circles on her palm, and simply touching her seemed to give him courage. "Why are there long pauses or sudden topic changes whenever you talk about the past? Why won't you tell me?"

She watched his fingers as they skimmed over hers and realized with sudden clarity how much she would miss just holding his hand if they couldn't work this out. "I don't want to lose you," she admitted quietly.

"You won't," he insisted. "Buffy, nothing you say will change the way I--"

"Don't say that until you've heard it," she interrupted softly, withdrawing her hand. "I promise there are a lot of things I could say that would change your mind." Her tone was gentle. "Let's not talk here. Can we go for a walk?"

He nodded, suddenly afraid, and finished the drink in front of him as a way to stall whatever was coming. Buffy contemplated Xander's untouched third round, but refrained from drinking it. No use tempting fate. When they reached the door, he helped her on with her jacket before they stepped into the crisp evening air.

Glancing at him to ascertain his preparedness, she quickly (and correctly) inferred that he was unarmed and handed him a stake without comment.

"Ah, the old-fashioned way. How quaint," he teased. The smile she returned him was somehow both playful and a little dangerous, and he cleared his throat. "On second thought, maybe having weapons present for this discussion is a bad idea." She smiled, and they walked for a few minutes in silence, both gathering their thoughts.

With sudden resolve she sat down on a park bench, her manner abrupt and business-like. "Do you want the long version or the short?"

He had to struggle slightly to keep up with her unexpected candor, and he quietly cursed his brief attempt at alcoholic oblivion. He hadn't had much, but it was still enough to make him feel fuzzy. "Short, for tonight."

"Sugar coated or brutal honesty?"

The hesitation he had felt earlier was growing rapidly in the pit of his stomach. "Somewhere in between?"

She shifted on the bench so that she was facing him directly. "You do realize that this is going to work both ways, right? You're on deck. You're not the only one with questions."

He sighed, trying to think of a single question she could ask him right now that he wanted to answer; nothing came to mind. What was he getting himself into? But he had to know. "I know," he acquiesced.

"Okay, here goes nothing." Riley listened in silence as she sketched her history with Angel, betraying emotion only in his tightening fists and pursed lips. It took all his military self- control to keep from interrupting or asking incredulous questions.

Breathe, he reminded himself. Just listen. Breathe.

So he listened as she briefly described her relationship with Angel, the curse, her seventeenth birthday, Angelus, Jenny, hell, and running away. She sketched Faith's deception, the poisoned arrow, the cure, and the Ascension. Her eyes remained rigidly focused on the ground in front of her.

As she finished relating how Angel left and why, and the link they would always share, she finally dared to glance at his face. When several minutes had passed and he still hadn't moved, she cleared her throat and met his eyes. "Well?" So many questions in such a small word.

He blinked several times. "Wow. Whoa. Okay." He sighed. "Even if I knew what to say, I don't think I would know how to say it."

She sat quietly for a moment, watching him. "If the words you're looking for are 'Have a nice life,' I'll understand."

He nodded slowly, vainly trying to sort through the bombshell that had been dropped on him. She took his silence for agreement, and her eyes were bright with tears as she leaned over and softly kissed his cheek, then stood slowly.

Riley realized what was happening in a flash of comprehension -- she was saying good-bye. He reached out and grabbed her hand before she could turn away. "Wait. Buffy, don't go." She paused, expectant, but not really daring to hope. He took a few deep breaths and arrived at a decision. The confusion on his face melted into resolve, and he squeezed the hand he still held. "I love you."

She was in his arms in an instant, holding him so tightly that his healing ribs protested sharply. Riley ignored the pain, blissfully focusing instead on her hair tickling his nose, her fingers on his back, and her breath against his neck. It took a moment before he felt the tears soak through his shirt, and then he murmured soft, comforting words in her ear as well.

They sat like that for a long time, holding each other. When they finally pulled apart, she slid off his lap onto the bench next to him, still holding his hand. He reached out to brush away her tears, and his fingers brushed the scar on her neck.

Riley's expression grew thoughtful. He knew. He really didn't need to ask, but he couldn't help it. "That's from ..."

She nodded, glancing away. "Yes."

He was getting used to the revelations. It only took a moment for his eyes to regain focus and his perceptions to readjust yet again. He gave her a tight, reassuring smile. "Okay." She smiled in return, but her eyes were filled with concern.

"Are you all right?" Please, please let him understand.

"It's a lot to take in," he admitted ruefully. "It's also fairly intimidating. But, yeah, I'll be okay." They sat quietly, comfortably. Riley was loathe to disturb the peace they had regained, but a deal was a deal. "So I guess it's my turn. What do you want to know?"

She leaned her head on his shoulder. "Nothing."

"What?"

She grinned at his surprise. "It's okay. You don't have to explain. I was going to ask, but I realized I don't want to know the details -- at least not yet. Maybe later, when it's not so new, I'll ask. But I know it was an accident. I trust you." She glanced up at him through her eyelashes. "I'm just sorry I missed it."

He laughed out loud, surprised that she was already joking about it. He leaned down and kissed her, bending her backwards on the bench. She giggled, wrapping her arms around him.

After a few minutes she pulled away regretfully, catching her breath. "I should probably go patrol."

He nodded, standing up and tugging her to her feet. "Can I come?"

"Of course." She pulled him in the direction of the closest cemetery, but he dragged a little behind her. "What is it?"

He stopped completely. "I *am* sorry. I know you said I don't need to explain ... but I would never hurt you like that on purpose. I should have known, and I'm sorry."

She placed a finger across his lips. "I know. And I love you, too." She kissed him softly, and they continued on their way.

"So, did you check to make sure Faith didn't get you a tattoo or anything?" Riley asked.

Buffy's eyebrows shot up in alarm. "No, why? Did she say something?"

He grinned innocently and kissed her hand. "No. I just thought I'd offer to help you look.

 

The End

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