"Doubts"
Author: DH Artemis
Email: dhartemis@hotmail.com
Spoilers: Picks up immediately after Buffy arrives at Giles' house and
Riley leaves the lab at the end of The I In Team. Major spoilers for that
episode. No spoilers for upcoming episodes.
Notes: I've never written a story this fast, but I had to post it before
it gets Jossed next Tuesday. It suddenly occurred to me that Buffy, given
her past history, would very likely think that Riley was involved in the plot
to kill her.
Buffy shook her head. "No. It's not safe for any of us."
They all turned to look at her, their faces concerned and questioning. Noticing her slightly disheveled appearance, Giles moved to her side to make sure she wasn't injured, while Xander gestured for her to sit on the couch.
"What happened, Buffy?" Willow asked quietly, almost afraid to ask.
She took a deep breath. "They set me up. Professor Walsh sent me on a 'reconnaissance mission' that turned out to be a trap. Lab rat demons, rigged weapon, barricaded exits, the whole nine yards."
"I knew those commandos were evil," Anya announced from her perch on the coffee table.
Willow watched Buffy carefully, noticing that her mouth was set in a firm line, but her eyes were wide and vulnerable. "Yeah," Buffy agreed, her voice low and devoid of any emotion. "I should have known."
Riley walked blindly at first, his thoughts so jumbled that it was hard to pick out anything specific from the white roar that enveloped him. He was halfway across campus before he even noticed that he was heading for her dorm, but once he recognized his destination he quickened his pace, anxious to see for himself that she really was all right. Panic rose again, unbidden, as he contemplated how close he had come to losing her. The guilt for being responsible for bringing her into the Initiative wasn't far behind.
"Are you sure?" Willow asked hesitantly. "You know Riley and his friends were involved?
"Not for sure," Buffy replied uncertainly. "Professor Walsh was the only one I talked to this morning. But she's head of the operation. I'm sure," she concluded bitterly, "that everyone else will follow orders."
"Do you know why she wanted to kill you?" Giles spoke for the first time since Buffy's arrival.
She shook her head in response. "No. I'm going to take a wild guess and say she's evil, though. Beyond that, I have no clue what her agenda is. But I'm going to find out."
She wasn't in her room, and he stood in the empty hallway wondering where to go next. He doubted she would be in the cafeteria minutes after a near death experience, and it was Saturday so she didn't have class. After a few moments of reflection, he decided to start visiting all the locations where he had ever bumped into her and hope for the best.
The Scooby gang slowly broke into side conversations as each speculated on strategies for getting more information and battling the Initiative. Anya continued to gloat. Buffy sat quietly on the sofa, staring at the unlit fireplace.
"Whatcha thinking?" Willow asked quietly, sitting down beside her.
"That I don't know why I'm surprised," Buffy replied, shaking herself from her reverie. "I mean, everything seemed to be going great, our relationship was completely normal, and then we slept together, so of course the next day I should be completely prepared when he turns out to be evil and tries to kill me. Come on, by now it's practically a cliché. I have the worst taste in men of anyone ever. I should just accept it and become a nun."
Willow smiled sympathetically. "Nuns would probably look down on halter tops and leather pants," she pointed out rationally. "You'd have nothing to wear. And you're not Catholic. Or any religion at all, actually. So..."
"Is this supposed to make me feel better?" Buffy smiled. "You're ruining the only plan I have left."
"I just think you should wait until we know more before you give up on him completely. Now, I'm totally on board with Walsh being evil and the whole Initiative looking pretty shady. But Riley really liked you. You should have seen how cute and nervous he was when he was planning to ask you out. Maybe it's too early to know for sure."
"Yeah, he really seemed like he cared about me. Let's wait until he kills one of my friends or moves on to his next conquest before we do anything rash." She sunk back into the couch cushions in defeat. "I thought he would be different. When I woke up this morning and he was still there, it was like ... I don't know. It was good." She closed her eyes briefly. "I'm sorry, Will, but I'm through. Never again." She smiled sadly and shook her head before Willow could protest. "I need some air. I'm going to go for a walk."
He stood outside the door, hand poised to knock, but not quite able to bring himself to go through with it. He studied the door instead, which was on its hinges now instead of leaning crazily to one side like the last time he saw it. He could hear voices from inside, so there was a good chance she was here -- if he could just muster the courage to find out.
The door jerked open suddenly, and he took a startled step backward. Buffy stood in the doorway looking surprised, her jaw open but her eyes hard. She pulled a stake from her back pocket and held it easily in her left hand as he tried to think of something to say. She beat him to it. "Why are you here?"
He repressed the urge to pull her into his arms at the sheer relief of seeing her alive and in one piece. Judging from the way she was twirling the stake, he could end up seriously injured if he moved at all. "Are you okay?"
"Gee, that depends," she replied conversationally. "Am I okay that my boyfriend -- excuse me, ex-boyfriend, is part of a military group that wants me dead? Hmmm, not really. Or are you wondering if I was hurt by the 'HST's' with battle axes that you trapped me with in the sewer tunnels? No, thanks for asking, I'm fine. And you guys are short two pet demons. So you better go back and tell Professor Walsh..."
"I'm not going to tell her anything," Riley interrupted forcefully, unable to listen to any more accusations. "Ever again. You have to believe that I had no idea what she was planning. I came back from my assignment this morning and she told me you were dead. Then I saw what you said on the ComCam, and I walked out. I'm not going back."
"Wow, convincing," Buffy replied, the sarcasm in her voice growing as the pain of not believing him increased. "No wonder she picked you for the job. Just out of curiosity, how much of our relationship has been you following orders, Riley?"
"None," he replied intensely, reaching forward to hold onto her arms in an effort to get through to her. "Buffy, I don't understand this. How can you think I could make love to you one day and want you dead the next? Don't you know me better than that?"
"I thought I did," she answered quietly, as a single tear splashed down her cheek. He reached up to catch it, but she flinched away. "But I've made that mistake before." She pulled out of his grasp and sat heavily on the front step, reaching behind her to pull the door shut, ignoring the muffled shout from inside.
"Hey, don't close the door," Spike protested. "This is just getting interesting."
Buffy and Riley shared an amused smile, and she nodded her silent permission for him to sit as well. "So what do we do now?" he asked quietly, reaching out to take her hand. He smiled slightly when she didn't pull away.
"I don't know," Buffy replied hollowly, staring at their entwined fingers. "I don't know how to trust that you're telling the truth. I'm afraid that I'll always be watching for the next trap, or a knife in the back. You told me yourself that you did exactly what they tell you to."
"When I believed we were helping people, sure. But if they're capable of murder, then all bets are off. I was betrayed here, too, Buffy. Professor Walsh knows how much you mean to me. I should have asked more questions, or found out more about her motives. I just didn't have any reason to doubt them. Now I do."
"I want to believe you," Buffy whispered.
He let go of her hand regretfully, crossing his arms. "But you don't."
She shook her head slowly, tears again welling up in her eyes.
He sighed, and tilted his head up to address the sky. "An honest face just doesn't count for anything anymore." He turned back to face her again. "What can I do to convince you?"
She shrugged, fiddling with the stake she still held. "I'm not sure you can."
"I don't accept that. Maybe seeing all of my friends shun me will help. Or when you see me wandering the streets at night, because I don't think I have a place to live anymore." He smiled almost bitterly. "You could come to my court-martial hearing. Or," he crouched in front of her, waiting for her to look him in the eyes, "you can believe me when I tell you that I love you and I would never hurt you." He leaned forward and kissed her, careful to allow her to pull away if she wanted. When she didn't, he wrapped his arms around her tightly, eventually breaking the kiss so that he could pull her completely into his arms and hold her. "I'm so sorry that being involved with me put you in danger," he murmured into her hair.
"That's okay," she whispered, pulling back so that she could see his face. This time she let him wipe away the tears that slid down her cheeks. His own eyes looked suspiciously moist. "I'm sure I'll return the favor eventually." They both grinned, and Buffy stood, pulling him to his feet as well. "Come on, I have an idea."
As she opened the door, she turned back with her hand still on the handle, momentarily blocking his entrance. "You realize that if it turns out you're lying I might have to kill you," she informed him almost cheerfully, her humor in no way masking how serious she was.
"I know," he replied solemnly. "I make it a point never to lie to anyone who can beat me up."
"As long as we're clear," she smiled, taking his hand. As they entered the living room, the conversation inside quickly halted as everyone shot dubious glances at Riley.
"I still have my shovel," Willow warned darkly, despite her earlier optimism. The others looked confused, but Riley nodded.
"It's okay," Buffy reassured them all. "Giles, we have another Initiative fugitive who needs to sleep on your couch."
"No way," Spike objected. "The couch is mine."
"What happened to your crypt?" Giles asked, annoyed.
"Commandos found it, so I'm back. G.I. Joe there can sleep chained in the bathtub like all the other first-time guests around here."
"Spike isn't going home with Xander again," Anya interjected. "We already have plans to..."
"That's quite all right," Giles interrupted before she could finish. "I'm sure we'll work something out."
The group settled comfortably on the chairs and couches, taking a break from strategy by unspoken agreement. "Why can't I just stay with you?" Riley whispered with a grin as he and Buffy settled into an overstuffed chair that was technically built for one. He leaned down to kiss her neck quickly, teasing.
She slapped his hand playfully. "Bad Riley. Because Willow wouldn't have nearly as much fun as we would. Plus, my R.A. would seriously object."
"Then I guess this is okay," he acquiesced reluctantly, with a grin and a heavy sigh.
"Don't worry, " Anya spoke up, not one bit concerned that she had been eavesdropping. "Even if you don't have your own room, there are plenty of other places you can have sex. For instance, Xander and I ..."
"So Riley," Xander interrupted, clapping his hand over Anya's mouth, "tell us more about being in the military. Have you ever used a rocket launcher? 'Cause we have!"
Buffy watched as the conversation continued around her, not really paying attention. Eventually she dozed off, exhausted from the events of the day. After a while, the Scooby Gang dispersed to fulfill their evening plans, Xander and a seething Anya taking Spike with them. After Giles closed the door behind Willow, he turned back to where Riley was still holding the sleeping slayer.
"The couch folds out into a bed," he informed him, "and I'll bring down some blankets. Please make yourself at home."
"Thanks," Riley replied quietly. "Do you mind if I just stay here for a while? I don't want to wake her."
Giles nodded and turned off the overhead light. Later, when he came downstairs with the blankets, he found them both asleep, a tangle of arms and legs in the too-small chair. He smiled as he draped a blanket over them both, but he regarded Riley critically for a moment before he walked up the stairs. "You had better take good care of her," he muttered quietly.
When he was gone, Riley opened his eyes briefly and kissed Buffy softly on the forehead. "I will," he whispered, then closed his eyes and went back to sleep.
The End