"Candlelight Dreams"

Author: Claudia D. Christian
Email: CHANDRA1C@aol.com

You are all I am, you are all I ever want to be
I think of you
A solitary cry echoes through my throat and through my mind
I think of you

I think I woke up screaming
I had a dream that you still loved me
I think I woke up screaming

I think I woke up screaming again

For hours I'll just stare at my ceiling at nothing at all
I think of you
The candlelight through bells make shadows just like roses in my mind
I think of you

I think I woke up screaming
I had a dream that you still loved me
I think I woke up screaming
I think I woke up screaming again

Could this last forever?
Or will I die?
Could this last forever?
Or will I die?
Just can I die?

Maybe I could try to take a bath and drink a little wine
I think of you
But probably I'll lie naked on the floor by candlelight
and I'll think of you.
- "ACF" by Stabbing Westward from their album "UNGOD"

Opening her front door, Buffy immediately sensed that once again Angelus had been there. His aura was all throughout the house. There seemed to be not one room that he had not been in. She knew because she had cautiously checked, apprehensive that he might still be there. If he was, she would be more than happy to show him what she did to intruders.

After calling 911 Buffy had went to the hospital to find out how severe Jeff's injuries were. Hearing all the extensive damage that had occured had filled Buffy with such guilt. It was her job to protect people, not cause them to get hurt.

Or allow those who cause hurt to go unpunished.

Warily climbing up the stairs Buffy pushed her door open, half-way expecting for Angel to be there. Her room was blessedly empty. No Angel, but he had left his calling card.

Walking to the bed she saw a cluster of long, ivory tapers wrapped with black ribbons and velvety red roses with missing stems. Instead of a note written on white parchment, it was written on red paper with the black ink scrawled in angry slashes.

Heed my warning or you will see EXACTLY why the chronicles don't lie about me.
If you choose not to believe, then you'll find that you'll need these candles:
to light at the memorial services.
--A

You can sure as hell try LOVER Buffy wearily thought. Fumbling witht he back of her zipper she simultaneously kicked her shoes off, stretching her cramped toes with a silent sigh of bliss. Why women felt that they needed to wear these torture devices on their feet was beyond Buffy, but she was as guilty as the rest when it came to a pair of cute shoes.

Finally getting her zipper down, Buffy allowed the dress to slither down to her ankles before stepping out of it. Picking up the dress a slight crease marred her forehead as she saw a tear in the black lace. "Damn vampire! It's not enough that he threatens all of the Sunnydale male population, he just had to ruin my dress!" she muttered to herself.

Walking out of her room Buffy went into her mother's and laid the dress on the bed. Hopefully her mom had some skill with a needle and thread because she had none. Even though she was completely trained in the deadly arts of slaying, home ec. was totally left out. Thank God for mothers!

Coming back to her room, she got a strange sense that something was---off.

All of a sudden the door closed. Buffy whirled around and saw him. Angelus was standing there in her room and all she had on was a black velvet thong. Immediately her arms crossed over her chest and two bright spots of color stained her cheeks. She was so embarrassed to be found 95% naked. Strangely she never felt any danger in him being in her room, especially after kicking him in the 'vampire-clan jewels'.

The only danger she felt was the seductiveness of his carnality.

Her voice came out as a dry croak. "Wh-what are you doing in here?"

He said nothing. He just stared at her hungrily.

Buffy hesitatingly took a few steps back. Angelus followed.

Her eyes locked onto his. There was nothing she could read in his midnight eyes other than his blatant lust. That frightened and exhilirated her. Her feet kept backing up until suddenly she stumbled over her shoes and fell to the ground for the second time that night.

Angelus stopped in front of her and squatted down. He tipped her chin up with one finger and ran his gaze hungrily over her face, as if memorizing every feature, every plane. Buffy opened her mouth to speak but he just shushed her with one finger. Rubbing her soft lips with his index finger Angelus seemed content to just look at her.

Buffy's heart began to beat in long, slow thuds. After what had happened tonight she did not expect for him to be at his mellowest. She expected him to be obviously angry and violent. Instead Angelus seemed more like Angel.

Her body warmed to the rhythmic caress of his finger. His one touch soothed her nervousness and allowed her body to become relaxed. Buffy's wary thoughts fled her one by one as she closed her eyes and focused on his lone finger.

All thoughts of Jeff vanished.

All thoughts of his deadly threat vanished.

All thoughts of her promises of retaliation vanished.

There was and always would be just him.

If just the touch of his finger made her feel like this, what would it be like to BE with him? She had already had a taste of him and it had been pure ecstasy. What would it be like to do the forbidden?

"Angel..." the Slayer breathed.

A ghost of a smile touched his lips when he heard the uncertain need in her voice. Softly he spoke "No words tonight. There's no need for words, not when we're together. Just let yourself go and FEEL.

Tremulously Buffy whispered "I don't know if I can. I'm s-scared to Angel. I'm scared of...us."

Angelus' face softened. Leaning forward he softly kissed her mouth once and then twice. "Let me take away your fear. Trust me..."

In answer Buffy dropped her arms from over her breasts and instead encircled them around his neck. Angelus groaned when he felt the tips of her pert nipples brush against his chest. Wrapping his arms around her, Angelus crushed her slim body to his and hungrily devoured her tender mouth.

Their kiss seemed endless. Buffy could barely breathe but air seemed trivial in comparison to him. Her nails dug into his shoulders as Angelus pulled pulled his mouth away and sensuously licked and lightly bit her neck. His every touch melted her; her momentary fear of lovemaking vanished.

She needed to be claimed by him.

To be claimed by both sides of him.

His name was a mantra as he bent her back over his arm and ran his lips and tongue over her sensitive nipples. When he delicately flicked their peaks Buffy whimpered with longing. Angelus then quickly sucked on one before moving to the other, keeping her in agonized delight.

Vainly she tried to keep his head still but Angelus seemed too involved in keeping her hungry for him. "Ahh...please..." was all she could whisper in an effort to plead for mercy.

He had none.

Picking her up in his arms, he captured her mouth in a kiss as he carried her a few feet to the bed. With one hand he ripped back the blankets and gently set her down in the middle. Stepping back, Angelus looked his fill at her luscious body.

Feeling shy, Buffy brought her arm up to cover herself. "Don't" he softly commanded. Obediantly she let her hand softly drop to her side. With wide watchful eyes she saw him undress, her throat suddenly going dry when he slid his pants down to reveal his rampant erection.

Proudly he stood there, waiting for her to end her silent perusal before sliding into the narrow bed with her. True to his words, Angelus never spoke. He allowed his body to speak for him. His every caress was a perfect blend between worshipfulness and possession.

Within moments Buffy felt the raw desire gnaw at her relentlessly. She hungered for him to be in her. Her body hadn't forgotten the magical pleasure his had inspired. While this time wasn't exactly with Angel, her body never realized. Her body called out to his to reclaim her; she needed and wanted him completely.

Angel or Angelus did not matter at the moment.

When Angelus' hands gripped the waistband of her thong, Buffy eagerly lifted her hips. Nothing beyond this moment mattered to her: only being in Angelus' and Angel's arms.

Kneeling between her thighs his eyes greedily raked her naked flesh. Running his hand in appreciation up and down her leg, his eyes sought hers in a silent question. Nodding her head Buffy anticipated his wicked kiss.

When his cool lips touched her wet flesh, her breath loudly hitched. Slowly his tongue traced her pouty lips before delving into her core. Her moans grew in intensity as he devoured her. Angelus continuously brought her to the brink of her climax before ruthlessly drawing back and making her start all over again.

Buffy was soon crying aloud from the anguish of unfulfilled desire. She began moving her hips in an attempt to bring herself over, but Angelus sat back on his heels and lifted her hips to him. His were hands firmly clamped around her hips, keeping her from stealing an orgasm.

After several more minutes of unrelenting sexual torture, she began babbling and begging him to give her relief. She promised him everything: her life, her love, her very soul if only he would let her come.

When he pulled back and gently set her back down Buffy wailed in frustration. Her cry was cut off when his mouth drew it into his own. When she felt the smooth head of his penis nudge her willing flesh, she sobbed into his mouth. She felt such unbridled joy---she was finally going to have him in her again.

Where he belonged.

She knew it now. She had always known it on some level. It didn't matter that Angelus was in control, it was still Angel's body.

Her Angel's body. Which made Angelus hers as well.

As long as she still had breath, she would always be his.

When he slowly penetrated her, Buffy pulled her mouth away from his and shut her eyes tightly. The feeling of having him again was a mixture of wonderful pleasure and intense pain. She could feel her silken walls struggling to accomodate his massive length.

Finally Angelus spoke again. "Buffy---look at me." Opening her eyes she looked into his incredibly dark gaze and saw love reflected in their depths. Love?

"Angel...?"

"Oh Buffy...it feels so good to be here again." Thrusting once he throatily growled at the intense sensations. "Buffy..."

She felt an over-whelming sense of love flow through her as he looked down into her face. How could it be possible that he loved her? She knew he lusted after her, but she would have never believed that he loved her. To be loved by both sides of an enigma...

To be lovd by the man. To be loved by the demon.

To be loved by the whole.

Buffy tremulously smiled and slipped her arms around his broad back, clutching him to her and never wanting to let go. Soon she was caught up in his marvelous pace and all thoughts fled her as she lost herself to their new passion.

All thoughts except one: she loved him too. Angel and Angelus. She had from the beginning. She would for all eternity.

His tender lovemaking shifted by degrees until he was pounding Buffy into her mattress. The entire time he seemed to want even more of her, his hands roamed all of her that he could touch. His lips never seemed to stop kissing her: her mouth, ear, throat, breasts. It wasn't enough.

Leaning back Angelus threw her legs on his shoulders an dran his mouth across her dainty ankles and small toes before renewing his pace. Buffy cried aloud in pain at his first thrust, it felt as if he had touched the mouth of her womb.

Concernedly Angelus stopped and asked "Baby? Did I hurt you? I'll stop if you want me too."

Shallowly breathing she replied "No...no. I'm okay. Please---don't stop."

Regardless of whatever pain might ensue, she felt as if she would die if he stopped.

Gently parting her curls he started to rub and pluck her clit as he slowly thrust back into her. Soon Buffy started breathily moaning again as she absorbed the strong sensations of having him in her and having him touch her. In a matter of moments she felt the beginning tremors of her climax.

"Angelus..." she brokenly panted.

Immediately her lover stopped and pulled out of her. Looking at him in dismay Buffy was going to plead for him to stop his exquisite torment when she heard him ask "What did you just call me?"

"W-what" she confusedly questioned. He didn't appear at all angry, only bewildered.

"Did you just call me Angelus?"

"Yes. You don't want me to call you that?" The reason why she had called him by his true name was that she thought it would make him happy. It was her way of letting him know that she was feeling him.

Crookedly smiling, Angel shook his head. "No, I don't mind. It's just...well, it's weird that you would call me by the demon's name."

Sitting up Buffy touched his arm. "I wanted you to know that I want YOU. Not Angel."

This time he frowned and pulled slightly back. "What do you mean you want me and not Angel?" Getting up he stood with his back to her and said over his shoulder "Do you fantasize about my past evils Buffy? Does that turn you on? I thought you loved ME."

Rushing out of the bed, she stood behind him and peppered his strong back with countless kisses. "I do love you."

Leaning his head back in pleasure, he murmured "I love you too Buffy. Always. You're everything to me, love. EVERYTHING."

Wrapping her arms around his lean waist she laid her heated cheek against his cool back. "You don't know how much that means to me. I never would allow myself to think that this was possible. I didn't think you were capable of love." Breathing deeply of his scent she breathed "I love you both. Angel and Angelus."

Turning around he cupped her small face in his hands. "Buffy, there's only Angel. Only me. Angelus has been gone for almost a hundred years. He's never coming back. I promise."

Staring at her beloved's face in bewilderment she shakily said "I don't understand. Y-you lost your soul...a month ago...when we m-made love."

Softly laughing he said "What are you talking about Buffy? I didn't lose my soul, how could that happen? And we've been making love every night since then." Wanting to clear the confusion in her eyes he whispered "I love you Buffy. I'll never leave you. Ever..."

Buffy's eyes flew open, her lips poised to scream Angel's name. Rapidly blinking away the tears that sprang up, Buffy felt an acute sense of loss. It had all been a dream. Everything. Angelus didn't love her. Angel was gone. She had them both, for a brief moment in time.

But they were both lost to her.

The raw pain that flooded her heart was for both of them. Not only for Angel. It was for Angelus as well. She had known and felt a love that she thought was from him and it had all been an illusion.

Never had she felt more loved than in this dream. Never had she felt the completeness of his heart. They had fused to become one, with their love being all for her. It was all false.

This moment right now was reality: Buffy realized that she was laying on a black fur on her bedroom floor.

Her last waking memory was slowly filtering in. She had fallen asleep, completely dressed, on the living room couch. Taking a quick glance down Buffy breathed a sigh of relief that she was still fully clothed.

She had been a coward, she didn't want to find her 'gift' tonight. She feared what it could have been. Instead she chose to sleep in front of the TV set.

Slowly sitting up she saw that the fur had been surrounded by dozens of flickering ivory tapers. They were everywhere: on the floor, the nightstand, and the dresser. The effect was quite pretty and would have filled her with awe if it wasn't for the eerie feeling she had.

Angelus had been in her house while she was here and had held her against her body. He could have killed her while she was helpless. Instead he left her on her floor and left her room looking like a gothic altar.

How long before he tried to make her the sacrifice?

Looking for the note, Buffy's eyes searched the room until they landed on her bed. Getting up she walked over and saw the same sight as her dream: ivory tapers wrapped with black ribbons and stemless red roses. The note was also written on crimson paper.

Lifting up the heavily textured paper, the written words jumped at her. They were the same as the ones in her dream. Almost the same:

Heed my warning or you'll see exactly why the chronicles dont lie about me.
If you choose to ignore me then you'll find that you will need these:
to light at the memorial services.
Lover you WILL be punished for what you did tonight. I promise.
Even though you don't deserve my gift I hope it keeps you warm in your lonely bed.
---A
My name sounds wonderful coming from your lips darling. I can hardly wait to hear it again.
Pleasant dreams my precious little angel.

Shivering Buffy let the note drop back on the bed. She did call out his name. In that moment in her dream she had loved him as much as she loved Angel.

Going about the room she blew out each candle until she had them blown out and in a big pile on her closet floor. At least now I'm prepared for any power outage. she wryly thought.

Turning on the light Buffy kicked off her shoes, muttering to herself about the absurdity of such an uncomfortable design. Reaching back to undo her zipper, she paused in mid-action and craned her head to look at the side of her dress.

A small tear in the lace greeted her sight. Just like in her dream. Not wanting to take a chance of repeating her dream in real-life, Buffy quickly took off her dress and pulled out a nightgown. Slipping it on she looked down at the fur blanket and picked it up.

Running her cheek against he soft, luxurious fur, Buffy felt a dull ache in her heart. If she didn't know how evil Angelus was she would almost believe that she could truly love him as he was now. Angel had never given her any gifts, except for the claddaugh ring.

Looking down at her hand, the silver shined in bright contrast against the inky ebony of the fur. Here in her hand she held them both. The same body. The same voice. The same man.

Only he wasn't a man anymore.

He was simply a demon.

A demon who wanted to bring her down before he tried to kill her.

Folding up the fur Buffy opened her closet door again and hid it behind some boxes. She couldn't bring herself to get rid of it, just as she couldn't get rid of his other gifts. However, she could no longer wear them or even see them.

The line had been drawn tonight. It was going to be the Slayer against a Master Vampire. He was not her lover or friend. He was her enemy. He always had been and always would be, regardless of any other appearance he chose to show her.

Staring at the ceiling, Buffy could feel her eyes grow heavy with sleep. Her last thoughts were of candles and fur.

Of Angel and Angelus.

The End

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