"The Madness of Need"

Author: Claudia D. Christian
Email: CHANDRA1C@aol.com

The night is cold as I roam these steets
The air is thick with hints of coming rain
Your face flashes through my head I swallow pain
So this is how it feels like to be betrayed

This is what it looks like
This is what it feels like
This is what it tastes like
This is what you've done to me
This is what if looks like
This is what it feels like
This is what it tastes like when
You throw this all away
You throw this all away
You throw this all away
You throw this all away

The night is old, the sky a shade of grey
The tears roll off my face die in the rain
An angry vacant silence fills my head
Now all the empty promises are dead
- "Throw" by Stabbing Westward from their album "UNGOD"

Buffy DID know that Angelus had been outside. In fact, she fell into an uneasy sleep only after he left. The entire night had been spent with her watching him---watch her. She had no doubt that Angel knew she had been behind the curtains, waiting and observing his reaction to being denied entrance to her home.

Only she did not watch in smug triumph. She watched in stark wariness.

In her heart she knew that this would be the night Angelus would finally try to have sex with her. She had also known in her heart that she would not be strong enough to stop him. Not in the physical sense, but the emotional one.

That was why she finally took the precautions to bar him. It had been long overdue. Buffy was grateful, in a way, that Angel wanted to tease and torment her. Her mother might have been killed by now because of her hesitation.

When she heard him on the roof, Buffy’s heart felt as if it had been lodged in her throat. She had backed away from the window when she heard him hiss in pain. She hadn’t been sure if the holy water and crosses would be enough. If not...

Apparently it had been because she soon heard him cursing on the ground. She had fully expected him to awaken the whole neighborhood with his fury, in fact she had hoped that he would. Angelus would have been forced to leave if everyone on her street came outside.

Instead he had angrily stalked across the street, half-way hid himself, and just stared. For hours he never moved, never fidgeted, he just held himself completely still. That seemed infinitely more menacing to Buffy than if he had yelled and threatened her from the front yard.

While sitting in third period Buffy saw, in her mind’s eye, Angel’s face. The deadly rage could be clearly seen all the way across the street. His features could have been carved in stone, they were that resolute.

Buffy shivered at the memory. His hatred had never shown itself more clearly than it had during the long hours between the dead of night and the approaching dawn.

When she had checked in with Giles before school he had been hunched over several texts, completely immersed and lightly muttering to himself. When he had finally realized she was standing there, he quickly stood up despite his weariness. The expression on his face mirrored her own: ‘You look like Hell.’

Buffy KNEW she did. There were dark circles under her eyes and everything seemed to hang limply, from her ponytail to her clothes. Giles hardly looked any better; his shirt was rumpled, dark whiskers shaded his jaw and his eyes looked positively bloodshot.

Unfortunately he hadn’t had any success durning his all-night research session. Hopefully he had found some escape clause out of the prophesy after she left. Giles had remembered another book that he needed to check in that might be able to help.

With a heavy sigh she thought Probably not. Buffy tried to force herself into a better frame of mind. If she was going to stop an ancient demon and possibly save the world, she had better get an attitude adjustment. It was hard though.

Idly scanning the room Buffy saw that Cynthia was staring at her. The girl didn’t say a word nor did the expression on her face change. After another moment she looked away from Buffy and stared at the board.

Her expression didn’t seem hostile, just assessing. It was as if she were sizing Buffy up. For what? Just because she helped her out yesterday? If so, why hold it against her? Buffy just shook her head. Maybe she was just reading too much into it.

Later that afternoon she was sitting at a table in the library with the gang. The much subdued gang. Whereas the day before everyone had been talking and joking, now they were all sitting in an uncomfortable silence. Buffy finally said "Geez, I’ve seen happier people at a wake."

The tension only deepened.

"Okay, definitely not a funny. Remind me not to quit my day job."

The uncomfortable silence dropped another notch.

Buffy looked around the table and asked "I know I stink at telling jokes, but is it the jokes or me?"

Everyone looked at each other before Xander spoke up. Fiddling with his pencil he said "It’s not the jokes, even though they WERE pretty lame," his nervous grin was immediately quelled when he caught Willow’s frown. "It’s just that we don’t know...what to say or how to act."

"Do we just act like nothing’s going to happen or do we, you know, talk about it?" Willow queried. "It’s not everyday that you learn that your best friend is going to---"

"Die." Buffy finished when Willow’s eyes began to water.

"Avoidance or acknowledgement." Oz, the master of the five words or less sentence, quietly explained.

Cordelia mutely nodded her head when Buffy made eye contact, surprisingly silent for a change. Sitting forward in her chair Buffy spoke to all in an understanding voice "I know this has to be hard for all of you..." pausing she wrinkled her brow and said "Well, maybe not for you Cordelia..."

At this the offended future socialite crossed her arms indignantly. "Hey! I’ll have you know that I DO have feelings!"

"Yeah, you have feelings like ‘Aww look the poor, cute little homeless puppy. Euw! Euw! It’s dirty, it’s so NOT coming home with me! I don’t care if it’s raining outside and it’s the middle of winter!’" Xander sarcastically jeered while leaning on the back legs of his chair.

Raising her voice Cordelia rebutted him with "I’m so for the humane treatment of animals. Just because I don’t bring home every stray that crosses my path...!"

Immediately sitting forward Xander yelled "Stray! Oh sister it’ll take alot more than---" Before Xander could finish Buffy quickly cut in with "Cordelia---I’m sorry that I insulted you. Xander---chill!" Cordelia silently fumed while Xander grudgingly muttered "You can’t get any more chill than me. I invented chill."

Buffy caught Willow’s bemused look at the same time she saw a glimmer of understanding in Oz’s. Looking back at Xander and Cordelia she could see that even though they were furious, they both could not stop furtively glancing at the other. Xander? Cordelia? Oh my god, like that’s a thought I really wanted to have!

Coming back to topic she started over again. "This has got to be uncomfortable to the extreme, I know. If there was a way that I could’ve kept you guys from knowing----I would have taken it. But now that you do know---if anybody wants to back out or keep their distance I’ll understand."

Buffy would understand if any or all of them said "It’s been great knowing ya but this is WAY too deep!" Still, she held her breath as she waited. Willow was the first to say "Buffy, I...there’s no way I’m backing out! We’re buds and you need me."

"Yeah Buffy, I’m here till the end." Xander firmly stated. Realizing the finality of his statement he quickly corrected it with "But you know that the end isn’t going down in eight weeks! I meant the end being, you know, a long, LONG time from now. Hell, you’ll probably be here past MY end---"

Smiling Buffy laid a hand on his arm and said "I know what you mean Xander."

"Hey Buffy---I’m in."

Looking over to Oz, she gently smiled and thanked him. There was only one person left. Everyone expectantly looked at Cordelia. "What?" she asked in exasperation. When no one answered she seemed to finally get it. "Oh." Letting out a long suffering sigh Cordelia said "Since Buffy has done so much stuff for people and all, it’s only right that I help when I can. Besides it makes for good karma."

"And by the time you finish, you’ll reap the reward of coming back as a mosquito in the next life!" Xander flippantly commented, not being able to pass up the chance.

"That’s better than what you’d come back as; if I’m a mosquito you’ll be the pile of crap that I’ll land on!"

"Crap! You know all about that, don’t you Cordelia----"

WWIII was averted when Giles approached the table carrying a surprisingly slim text. Without preamble he stated "Ms. Calendar and I have found out some information on the demon Buffy will face." Everyone’s attention swung to the Watcher.

Buffy looked around the library and guardedly asked "Where’s Ms. Calendar?" Even though a truce had been declared, her feelings were very much undecided in regards to the computer teacher.

"Hmm? Oh, um, Ms. Calendar was unable to stay this afternoon. What we did find out is this: his name is Acrymydion and while not being one of the true ancients, he is several millenia old."

"Acr-- what was it again?"

"Acrymydion Buffy."

"Acry-my-dion." She let the name roll off her tongue. Now her foe had a name if not a face. Wrinkling her nose Buffy complained "Why can’t they ever have any pronouncable names? Why can’t they have nice simple names like Bob or Tony?"

Distractedly Giles answered "Because demons aren’t nice or simple." Laying down the text on the table in front of her, he flipped to a bookmarked passage. "It says here that he is one of the enforcers of the balance between the netherworld and this world. Any disturbance between the worlds will call him forth."

"What kind of disturbance? And why is he after Buffy?" Willow questioned.

Looking over to her Giles frowned as he answered "I’m not sure yet. Normally he is called against those who are trying to harness enormous amounts of black magic."

"Why would anyone want to do that?"

"For several reasons Xander: greed, destruction of an enemy, world domination" murmured Giles.

"Well Buffy’s not doing any of that, are you?"

Wryly she said "No Cordelia, I’m not attempting to take over the world and all I destroy is vampires."

Willow then queried "Do you think he’s going after Buffy because she’s a Slayer?"

Standing back up the Watcher shook his head. "No, it doesn’t seem to be because of her calling. Her slaying isn’t what is being mentioned in the portent."

After digesting all that had been said Oz asked "But since Acrymydion is a demon and Buffy kills demons, wouldn’t that make for an angry enforcer?"

"That’s a good point Oz but not in this case. You see, just as in our world, there are factions in the netherworld. The more vampires Buffy destroys the stronger his particular kind becomes. In fact, vampires and shift-changers are violent enemies."

"Shift-changers?" Buffy confusedly asked.

"Umm, this demon is a shift-changer. Wait, let me show you another text that explains them..." Giles quickly strode over to a shelf, ran his fingers over several books, before giving an exclamation and pulling out a tiny tome.

Coming back to the table the librarian laid the small book in front of her. Four chairs scraped back and everyone crowded around Buffy to see the faded illustrations. "Shift-changers are as it states here ‘the weavers of fantasies and the destroyers of dreams.’ They can come in any form and at any time. There is no sanctuary to be had, nor is there any talisman that can be used against them."

"So I can’t just hold up a cross or give it a holy-water bath, huh?"

"No Buffy, that’s what makes it so dangerous. All religious artifacts offer no protection whatsoever. A shift-changer can enter a church, become a priest, perform absolutions, and all the while unharmed. It is seemingly invincible."

Everyone bleakly digested Giles disheartening words before Oz spoke up again. "Nothing’s invincible. It has to have a weakness."

Nodding her head Cordelia said "Oz is right. There has to be a way to take him down---if not, what’s the point? If Buffy was toast then Acro...Acri...oh whatever! The shift-changer wouldn’t have to wait until the prophesized day, right? He’d be able to kill her at anytime!"

Her face brightening, Willow breathlessly exclaimed "Ooh, Cordelia’s right! She has to be!"

"Way to go Cordelia! Power-shopper by day, riddler-solver by night." Xander praised, a glow softening his eyes. Cordelia basking in her glory, turned slightly pink at Xander’s look.

Clearing his throat Giles waited until he had everyone's attention again. "Risking being, umm, very negative about our small victory, I have to state that while coming to this conclusion helps----we still don’t know why exactly Acrymydion will be summoned. And more importantly why he is being sent after Buffy."

Knowing Giles was right, Buffy still couldn’t help muttering "Party pooper." Standing up she started pacing. A shift-changer felt threatened enough by her to come out of his world. Why?

Buffy paused in the middle of the room when she heard Oz ask "When she stops him, are his demon buddies going to drop by for a little revenge?"

Swinging her gaze back to Giles, Buffy forcefully said "Please tell me there aren’t more shift-changers coming to Sunnydale!" It was a thought that hadn’t occurred to her. To hope that she could LIVE through Acrymydion was going to be pushing it. If there were more---she might as well get her tombstone ordered.

Before answering, Giles quickly read a page in the small text. Nodding his head in satisfaction, he shut the book and said a relief-filled voice "He has only one chance, if---" clearing his throat awkwardly he corrected "WHEN he fails, others cannot be called against her."

"That’s a relief!" Wrinkling her nose Buffy asked "But why?"

"Why? Of all the questions to ask, the one that deals with ‘The evil demon gets one chance to kill me, gee, why is that?’ would not be one of them!" Xander emphatically declared.

Rolling her eyes Buffy answered "Look, it’s my death being talked about here. I just want to make sure that there is no mistaking the one-shot deal Acrmydion has!" Turning back to her Watcher she said "So, my question is why?"

"I’m not sure if I know completely WHY the demon is only allowed one try, but from what I understand the balance between the two worlds are very delicate. If a shift-changer is out of his dimension for too long that in itself will create a disturbance. If its’ energy is focused in one direction for too long it will create a disturbance. If enough disturbances are created, then the energy will in essence backfire on the shift-changer."

Buffy stared at Giles for a few moments, nodded her head and then asked "Okay...and this means what?" Giles took his time to answer before lamely saying "I, um...don’t know."

Willow, the eternal optimist, piped up with "Well, at least we know for sure that Acrymydion has one chance. All we have to do is find out why and then, you know, make a plan of attack!"

"Great! A couple of nights of looking through Giles’ world-famous occult books and then we’re all cool...right?" Xander gushed.

"H-e-l-l-o? Anybody forgot about a little thing called prophesized death?" Cordelia put in bluntly.

"No, but now that we know what Buffy has to fight against, there’s no way it’s coming true!" Willow firmly stated.

While wanting to feel as confident as Willow, Buffy knew that prophesies were never to be taken lightly. If the scrolls, texts, and electronic information agreed that she would die---then she would die. Her only hope was that her death was only in the most technical terms. If they knew how to destroy the shift-changer, then she could do it, die, and then get revived.

At least that was her plan.

If she wasn’t meant to cheat death again---so be it. However, that didn’t mean that she wouldn’t TRY.

"Giles, what does a shift-changer look like? I mean is he blue and scaly or what?" she asked.

"They have no true form. They can be anything or anyone. Whereas vampires are imprisoned in human bodies with only the ability to show their true face, shift-changers are not bound in any way. They can look like a human, animal, plant, or object."

The more Buffy was learning about her enemy, the harder it seemed to defeat. How can you defeat something when you don’t even know its’ face? Oz HAD to be right, it had to have a weakness. "So...he could look like anything? Do you have an idea what he would want to look like? I mean, he probably works on a case by case basis, but can we take a guess?"

"It has been said that shift-changers usually appear as one’s greatest fear or greatest desire. The offender becomes so terror-striken or so enamored that they are helpless and ripe for the ensuing attack."

Angel her greatest desire. Angelus her greatest fear.

Each bit of information that Giles released, the worse this demon became. If it truly read her heart, that was an even greater reason why she HAD to stay away from Angelus. Sunnydale was not a large town so she couldn’t very well avoid him, but neither could she stay and 'chat' as she had been doing.

If she could distance herself from him, then perhaps the shift-changer would not be able to read him as her greatest anything. Angel isn’t going to stay away. He’ll follow you everywhere you go. He’ll force you to feel for him, whether love, hate, or anger. What are you going to do?

Buffy was distracted from the disturbing vein of thought by Willow’s next question. "Do you know anything else, Giles?"

Turning away from Buffy, Giles answered Willow. "No, I’m afraid not. This is all the information I have at the present."

"Okay then---this calls for research." Walking towards the computer library, Willow plopped in front of the screen. Oz immediately pulled up a chair next to her, leaving Xander and Cordelia standing rather awkwardly together. Rubbing the back of his neck, he nonchalantly said "This could get dangerous."

Cordelia shifted and agreed. "Dangerous? Yes, I think you’re right."

Looking into her eyes, Xander drew slightly closer. "I mean, if we don’t find stuff out, it could get pretty ugly."

Licking her lips, she stared at his mouth and said "Really, really ugly." After another second they simultaneously said "We’re going to the stacks!" and promptly disappeared to the back of the library.

Shaking her head, Buffy wryly smiled and thought Stranger things have happened. Turning back to Giles she brightly smiled and asked "Okay, what’s my assignment?"

"You’re to continue as you have, patrolling and such."

"What? I don’t get to look in, well, something and help out?" Buffy slightly pouted.

Letting out a surprised laugh Giles responded with "Are you actually trying to tell me that you want to research? You want to pore through 10, 20, 30 books, some in different languages which would require you to use a foreign language dictionary----"

"Okay, okay I get the point. I don’t know, I just...wanted to...I don't know. You’re right, I should patrol."

Frowning concernedly, Giles asked Buffy a question that she did not want to hear. "How are things coming along with Angelus?"

His question sounded so civilized. How are things coming along with Angelus? Have you staked, burnt, or decapitated him yet? Umm? Things were not coming along with Angelus, that was the problem! "Things are..." she paused before blurting out "Things are quiet. He's been pretty---quiet."

Even though they spoke in a soft murmur, all movement in the library discreetly stopped. Buffy could not tell anyone of how she had been ‘consorting with the enemy’, not once, but several times. Of how she had received his gifts. Of how she dreamed of him. Of how she was beginning to ache for him. Of how his allure became stronger each time she saw him.

Remember, you’re not on your own time anymore. Angelus is not Angel. You CAN'T waste even this thought on him anymore.

"Are you trying to tell me that he hasn't spoken to you, left any tokens or gifts, and hasn't been lurking around your home?" the librarian asked in an unruffled tone of voice.

"No, he hasn't. He’s been pretty quiet the past week, but I, wouldn't trust it for very long." Deep violet flowers, jeweled pins, strawberries, a priceless choker, an expensive lipstick case, a luxurious fur, and hundreds of candles, all tokens of Angel's quietness.

"Quiet, hmm?"

"Yeah, quiet. So...I think that everyone should just be careful."

"Careful?"

"Yes, I don’t anyone making it easy for him---" at this her voice faltered slightly, "---to hurt one of you." You ignore me...we play a whole new game...

"But you just said things have been quiet. Why do you think he would attack any one of us?" the librarian probed.

"Isn't that part of his reputation?" she asked in exasperation. Giles did not appear to accept her reasoning and if he didn't, then she would have to confess. But how would she be able to bear their contempt?

"It is, but only if he is pursuing his victim. I must confess that I'm surprised that he has not focused his attention upon you. Angel loved you and that alone should have directed his hate towards you."

Shrugging she blandly said "Maybe he's found something else to preoccupy his time? I don't know what else to say Giles---he’s been quiet. He's supposed to be crazy and violent---" Jeff Halburn's bruised and broken body lays in Room 326 courtesy of one Angelus the Demon Vampire in a fit of jealousy "---I don’t trust it Giles, that’s all."

His keen gaze seemed to penetrate, weighing her words and trying to determine the truth. Buffy felt a flush creep up her face but she forced herself to maintain eye contact with her Watcher. He doesn’t think you’re guilty of anything, but if you keep fidgeting and acting guilty then duh! He’ll suspect something!

Aren't you? You're still thinking about HIM. Even now, after all this, you're still thinking about HIM.

I don't understand it! I don't know why! I don't know why I still think about him, especially now. HIM. Not Angel. Angelus. It doesn't make any sense! I love Angel. I don't love HIM.

Buffy felt an eternity of guilt-ridden agony before Giles nodded his head and spoke to the room at large. "May I have everyone's attention? I've just spoken to Buffy concerning Angelus and I've come to this decision: all of you need to take the necessary precautions once night falls. Angelus has a history of tormenting and stalking everyone around his victim. As of now, Buffy doesn’t seem to attract his attention..."

The librarian’s voice became a warble as Buffy remembered Angelus’ cold, hate-filled face staring at her last night. You will fall to me Slayer...and all the angels in heaven will weep. One in particular.

"...however, large groups provide better safety and always keep your crosses and stakes prepared. Even though Acrymydion is Buffy’s biggest threat, it doesn’t mean that Angelus does not pose one."

"He wouldn’t be one if Buffy hadn’t had a case of mistaken identity" Xander muttered to the room at large before turning away, taking Cordelia with him and disappearing behind a bookcase. Willow and Oz awkwardly avoided looking at Buffy before turning back to the computer screen. Their silence spoke more loudly than words could have in that they agreed with Xander.

Buffy stood in the center of the room, feeling slightly lost and completely alone. All of her friends were going above and beyond the duties of friendship. Willow could be doing homework, Cordelia could be doing her hair, Oz could be practicing with his band, and Xander could be doing...what did he do?, well he could be doing Xander-things, yet they were here trying to help her.

Yet she betrayed them all. She betrayed them with her silence. And she would keep betraying them all. Xander was right---Angelus wouldn’t be posing a threat to anyone if only she had done her job. Instead, he roamed the streets all because she couldn’t separate his evil from Angel’s struggle for redemption.

Will you get them killed by keeping silent? Is your disgusting obsession worth their lives? No! she emphatically answered herself. Even if she had to survive off of a few hours of sleep, she would protect them all. It was better that they didn’t know about the past week. Buffy couldn’t bear to see the respect in their eyes vanish and turn to disgust. It was selfish of her, she knew it, yet she couldn’t let them know. Ever.

Buffy felt a large hand gently squeeze her shoulder in sympathy. Looking up into her Watcher’s gentle eyes she heard him say "I know this is hard for you. Seeing Angelus cannot be easy, so I understand that killing him seems impossible to do, but you must do it when the time comes."

Finding it hard to speak past the lump in her throat Buffy hoarsely whispered "I know Giles. I know." But how? she miserably thought. How do I kill them both? Without Angelus there is no Angel. Without Angel there is no Angelus. I love Angel so much, I can’t bear the thought of destroying his body. I can’t bear the thought of Angelus never touching me...No! I mean I can’t bear the thought of Angel never touching me!

Not wanting to face her disturbing emotions Buffy forced her face to become blank. Giles saw her distancing herself from her feelings and felt helpless. He knew how to train her, he knew how to guide her, but he did not know how to help her in this matter. He didn’t know how to break her out of her self-imposed shell.

She just needs time. Buffy has never failed in her duty before, she won’t fail now.

"Earth to Giles?" Shaking himself from his thoughts, Giles focused on Buffy’s words. "I’m off to patrol. Do you want me to come back here tonight?"

"Hmm? Oh, um, not tonight. After you finish your patrol, go home and rest. I’ll take the children home when we’re done here."

Nodding her head, she walked over to her bag and slung it over her shoulder. She paused in mid-stride when she heard her Watcher ask once more "Buffy---are you sure he's done nothing else?"

Shrugging her shoulders and shaking her head, she answered "Nope. He's been quiet."

"Yes, you've said that several times" the librarian murmured. Seeing that she was waiting for him to speak further, Giles politely said "You can go now Buffy. Umm, have a good patrol."

"Okay, see you tomorrow!" Calling out "Bye" to everyone she left for patrol, leaving her Watcher in a very uneasy mood.

Across town in the factory, Angelus was impatiently waiting for his clan to gather in the main room. Fixing the last stragglers with a glacial glare he began. "I'm going to make this short and to the point, so that even you can understand." Sweeping all the upturned faces with a glare, he ordered "The Slayer is mine. No one, I repeat, NO ONE is to try to take her. She is going to my kill, not yours. If I find out that any of you have disobeyed me," pausing he fixed an especially stern expression at the mutinous faces of Spike and Druscilla, "I will personally rip out every bone in your body starting with your feet. Believe me it can be done, without sending you to hell."

Standing in the middle of the raised dais, he changed his tone of voice and politely asked "Any comments?" From the front of the crowd, a voice called out "But sir, she is our enemy! It is our duty to destroy her if given the opportunity!"

Staring up at the ceiling Angelus appeared to mull it over before waving his hand. Immediately from the back of the room, two burly guards shoved their way to the front, grabbing the vocal vampire and dragging him out of the room. Fairly purring, he asked again "Any comments?" This time the room was deathly silent. "Good. If you value your hides, then you'll leave the Slayer to me."

With that he swept from the room and into the night. Everyone dispersed fairly quickly, eager to avoid their master and the Slayer. Blind obedience was all they knew for those who thought for themselves were quickly weeded out. Unless, their intelligence was masked...

An hour later Spike held his own meeting in his quarters. Nothing too large to give Angelus' spies any fodder to run with, but large enough to suit Spike's purposes. Before him stood his three personal commanders. When Angelus returned Spike knew that it would be better to cede position for the time being. Publicly he gave all rights of leadership to Angelus including command of their private army. All orders were directed through a chain of command whose leader was Angelus. All belonged to the great Irish Prick.

Except for these three.

On the surface they appeared to be like any other slobbering demon, yet not only did they possess keen intelligence they possessed something far more greater: blind loyalty. Spike had 'rescued' them from the gallows during a jaunt through London last century. He did it more as a dare, just to see if he could waltz right into London's most notorious prison. Not only did he do it, he waltzed right out with all three corpses and buried them himself. He had doubted that the prison would take the time for burial and he had a feeling about the three ex-mercenaries.

Upon their rising they had given him complete and utter loyalty. Quickly they had shown the ability to work together as a flawless unit, and their keen intelligence could be unnerving at times. Even now, they were the perfect spies. They had quickly adopted the blank stare that separated the riff-raff from the elder vampires. For all Angelus knew, they were newly risen beasts and no importance to him. If the other creatures realized the difference in their previous leaders, they were too dull-witted to understand. Angelus did not realize how dangerous they were to his position and how essential they were to Spike's position.

Spike WOULD regain control of this clan, there was no doubt about it at all. Leaning forward in his chair he pinned all three of his personal commanders with a steely stare before saying "Alright children, this is how it's really going to be..."

So began the dance between Buffy and Angelus. Night after night they fought for the opportunity to lead. He appeared everywhere. She always caught sight of him, barely out of the corner of her eye. When she would turn to face him, he was gone---but never far.

He even began trailing her friends, though they never knew it. Buffy began to smother them, enough so that one night Willow complained "I like this 'let's all hang out together every minute of every night' thing but it's getting to be too much Buffy!"

Buffy had been encouraging them all to stay together in a group, just so she could keep an eye on them. Though, she didn't tell them that. The Bronze became their fav hangout but even then Buffy didn't feel that they were completely safe. Anytime one of the group got up, she would trail after them, whether to the bar or bathroom. After following Xander to the john one evening, she realized that she was being far from discreet in her fear of Angelus.

Although, they didn't seem to think that was what it was. Her friends assumed that her separation anxiety stemmed from Acrymydion. Buffy didn't mind them thinking the shift-changer was the problem, she would rather them think that than know the truth. The truth being that it wasn't Acrymydion that made her clingy, it was the dark menace in the corner watching them all...

What Buffy found even more odd was the quietness of her patrols. After escorting everyone home, she would go on her nightly rounds but most nights the only creature of the night she would encounter was a night owl or bat.

She still laced her house with crosses and holy water. Once her mother noticed the crucifixes and asked why she was doing it. Buffy had lamely answered "I think I'm ready to give religion another try. You don't mind do you?" This only caused her mother to shake her head and walk out with a bemused look on her face.

If only Angelus would come out and face her! Instead he kept to the shadows and while wanting her to know he was close by, he avoided any direct contact. He had been so furious the night she kept him out, she was sure he would try to retaliate, but nothing. Nothing, nothing, nothing.

Sometimes when she would walk by an alley-way she would see him standing at the other side, staring straight at her. Instinctually she would run through, not even hesitating at the thought of a trap, only to see him calmly walk away before she reached him and then disappearing.

Angelus would be delighted to know that he completely consummed her thoughts day and night. She was on edge for fear of him hurting her loved ones, she was on edge because he was toying with her, and she was on edge because she missed him.

Missed him?

I do not miss him! she vehemently thought. She just missed Angel, that was all. Kicking at a rock, Buffy felt a little lonely. Tonight was the first night that she and the gang did not hang out. They had claimed to be too tired and only wanted to stay home. Home was were they needed to be and it was the safest place. Just that afternoon, Willow had found an uninvitation spell which she had performed for all of their houses. Now, they could rest a little easier at night, although the spell would mean jack-shit if their parents invited a vampire in.

That's why Buffy had already made sure that the parents were made aware not to invite anyone in after dark. They didn’t know the truth of course, but instead had been told that there were a ring of thieves who came after dark posing as salesmen, lost strangers, people in need of help, etc. and after being invited in, proceeded to steal all valuables.

What they did not know was the most valuable thing that could be stolen was not the home entertainment system, computer, or jewelry but life itself. The parents seemed to take the warning seriously.

Feeling the wind pick up, Buffy shivered slightly. It seemed that the unseasonably warm weather was leaving. Striding across the park, she hoped that patrol wasn't going to be as boring as every other night.

It had quickly turned into a very chilly evening. A fact that escaped Buffy considering she was far from cold. In fact she was fairly sweating from the exertion of fighting four vampires at once. She had just walked into a clearing in the middle of the park when they seemingly came out of nowhere. The fight was brutal and intense, with no immediate end in sight. Just when she almost had one at a disadvantage, the other three were there to tip the scales out of her favor.

Although the odds were obviously against her, Buffy felt virtually no fear. Her fate was decided and it was not going to be by these idiots. One vampire knocked her to the ground with a powerful kick but she just quickly picked herself up and tauntingly grinned. Perhaps knowing your predicted death wasn’t such a horrible thing. Did that mean she was being moody?

Maybe. After all, Buffy had a definite advantage in knowing that she could not be killed, at least by the vampire population. They didn’t know that. They also didn’t know that tonight was a bad night to gang up on her.

"Come on! Is that the best you guys got?" she complained.

Growling menacingly the apparent leader spat "We’re going to tear you to pieces Slayer!"

"Oooh! Scary! Really, you almost delivered that perfectly---too bad it’s so cliche!" Buffy brightly said before going into her final attack. She moved so quickly that her movements became a blur that was impossible to follow. Blow after blow landed, seemingly simultaneously, while they were not even able to deliver nary a scratch.

Suddenly the four vampires pulled back and quickly fled. "What? I thought we were just having fun!" Buffy lightly spoke under her breath. Pulling out four stakes, she deliberately took aim and flung each one. Within seconds the sounds of four demons exploding briefly filled the air before the night settled back into silence.

"Excellent aim, Slayer." A dark, sensuous voice floated towards her from the darkness. Her insides immediately clenched. It was beginning. Buffy pulled all of her emotions in and her face became an expressionless mask. Picking up her bag, she purposely walked in the opposite direction from where Angelus stood, indolently leaning against the playground swings.

She heard him a split-second before he struck. Her hand whipped out and caught his own, flinging him to the ground with the force of his own momentum. Calmly she continued walking. Suddenly he stood in front of her. Dropping any pretense at civility he bit out "You little cock-tease! I bet you thought it was real cute to see me locked out of your home, hmm? I've waited a week just so that I wouldn't kill you!"

Buffy remained silent. That infuriated him even more. Glaring at her hatefully he ordered "Don’t you ever do that again, do you understand? Answer me!"

Lifting her eyes, she calmly stared at him before answering "Fine."

"What do you mean, fine?" he barked.

"I won’t put holy-water or crosses on the windows or doors. Satisfied?" I’ll just let the uninvitation spell do the work for me. Buffy could see that Angelus was surprised at how easy she had acquiesed to his demand. He was torn between distrust and arrogance. Distrust because the battle was won too easily and arrogance that she would have no desire other than to bend to his will.

His arrogance won over. Smugly smiling, he smoothly said "I see that you’ve decided to play nice. Good girl. I won’t punish you too badly because of your naughtiness." Lifting his hand, he went to stroke her cheek before being stopped a hairsbreadth away.

Frowning he made to move his hand but Buffy’s hold was unshakable. "I’m not playing at all Angel." Coldly staring at him, she nonchalantly stated "It’s time for you to play with people your own age. I’m way too young for you and frankly, you’re just way to old and boring for me."

"You didn’t think I was boring when I almost fucked you the other night." he crudely taunted. Avidly he awaited for his barb to ruffle her composure, but he waited in vain.

"Sure, Angel, whatever." She let her eyes slowly peruse him from the top of his inky hair, to the tips of his polished boots. "Angel---you’re a bore. I’ve thought about why I seemed drawn to you, other than the obvious, and now I’ve finally figured it out. I thought there was more than just the bad rap, but there’s not. You called me repetitive, but I think that description fits you better."

"You talk to me as if you HAVE a right to tell me what to do. You do this whole demented jealousy act, and that’s what? Supposed to impress me?" Giggling, she finished with "From now on Angel, you don’t exist to me. It’s like you’re not even there." Flinging his arm away, she started walking away. Again. That has got to be the BIGGEST lie you’ve ever told, Buffy. So what? The important thing was for Angel to buy it, and hopefully, leave her alone.

Snarling Angelus pulled her back by her hair, catching Buffy by surprise. Not an inch separated their bodies as he growled "Oh I think I’ll exist for you Buff. I’ll exist for you when you find the body parts. I’ll exist for you when your brat pack disappears. I’ll exist for you when the englishman is never seen again. I’ll even exist for you when your dear, sweet mother is found."

He waited for the fear to cloud her eyes. Nothing. She did not look at him in pain, fear, lust, anger or even contempt. Her face was completely expressionless. The mask was up again. Only this time, she was...different. This time he could read absolutely nothing of her thoughts. His threats seemed to make no impact on her at all.

Giving her head a hard shake, he menacingly promised "I’ve a score to settle with you Slayer and I intend to collect." Angelus felt his hatred and lust begin to overwhelm him. He wanted to drain her, see the coldness in her face turn into the true coldness of death. He wanted to destroy her. He wanted to slake his body’s lust on her unwilling form as she slowly faded away.

Buffy Summers made Angel love her. She left HIM with the memories. Buffy Summers let Angel make love to her. She left HIM with the nauseating desire to experience and explore her body, to see if she could possibly be as good as the memory. Buffy Summers made Angel love her. Buffy Summers made Angelus want her...

...and only that would keep him from giving into his darker calling of death and destruction.

Angelus would do anything to obtain her. Anything. Staring into her clear gaze, he vowed that she would be his. He also vowed that every insult she made against him, every time she made him hard without alleving him with her luscious body, every time she lied about how she felt---he would punish.

Once she was his, once he had her enthralled in their passion, he would punish her. He would forgive nothing. He would make her beg and plead for the very thing that she sought to deny him. He would make the all-mighty Slayer beg for HIM, the notorious ‘Scourge of Europe’.

No matter the cost.

If others had to die, then so be it. No price was too high, if in turn he made Buffy Summers his own personal toy. He was more than willing to pay and he would definitely be sure that no price was too high for her to pay. Besides, human lives always made for good leverage especially against a girl whose job it was to save those very same lives.

The challenge now was to make her give up her stubborn honor to Angel and all the blather about her calling, etc. Angelus’ last thought was punctuated by the oh-so-gentle fist in his throat causing him to loosen his hold on Buffy’s hair. She immediately delivered a kick to his kneecap, causing him to stumble as the bone cracked.

Hurt me baby. Hurt me bad. I’ll only hurt YOU twice as bad later. Rushing her, Angelus knocked her down with his heavy body only to be quickly flipped off. Regaining his stance, he warily circled her. Of all their confrontations, she had never gotten him on the defense so quickly.

A flicker of doubt crossed his mind as he observed Buffy. Even now she seemed completely detached from the situation, but completely aware of his slightest move. What if I DON’T exist to her anymore? Can I be wrong about her?

Bullshit! Despite the strong resolve she showed, he caught the slightest scent of desire. It was very tiny, barely there, but it WAS there. Satisfaction filled him as he deftly avoided Buffy’s next blow. With regaining confidence Angelus gave as good as he got.

Their fight seemingly lasted forever. Buffy’s body began to show the growing fatigue. Her reflexes weren’t quite as fast, nor were her hits quite as powerful. Her right eye had rapidly swelled shut and she favored her left side. Angelus himself wasn’t faring that well either. His ears were ringing after her last kick to the head and she broke another bone, this time in his arm.

No matter, Buffy would tend to his wounds just as he would tend to hers. With the crosses and holy water gone, there’d be nothing to keep him from her bed tonight.

With that thought in mind, Angelus caught her raised fist, pulled her close and said "Until next time" before soundly kissing her closed lips. Then he gave her a hard push that left Buffy sprawled on the ground. Before she could scramble to her feet he disappeared.

Knowing he was gone, she still scanned the park for any sign of him. Letting out a shaky sigh, Buffy silently congratulated herself. It had been hard, almost impossible, but she HAD done it. She had kept everything she felt for him under lock and key.

At least that’s what she thought.

Walking out of the park Buffy glanced up at the sky. Thick, dark clouds were slowly rolling in and the smell of approaching rain scented the air. Buffy never saw nor felt the eyes that followed her progress out of the park.

Eyes that did not belong to Angelus.

After she left, the figure in the bushes crawled out, gave a hard stare in Buffy’s retreating direction, and silently trailed the Slayer.

All the while never being detected.

Unlocking the front door Buffy quickly slammed it shut before remembering that Angel couldn’t come in anymore. The house was empty and a little lonely. Her mother was out of town on one of her usual art-buying trips and wouldn't be back for several days.

Walking into the kitchen Buffy rummaged through the cupboards until she found a can of vegetable soup. Dumping the contents into a bowl she thrust it into the microwave. Impatiently waiting her mind drifted until it centered on Angel.

NO! You’re not supposed to think about him! Remember? He doesn’t even exist anymore.

Tapping her hand against the smooth counter surface she let out an inelegant snort. Yeah right. Unfortunately for her he did exist all too well. The fact that she could only see out of one eye right now and had cracked ribs that ached miserably proved that.

Walking over to the stove she opened up a drawer and pulled out a red woven kitchen towel. Moving to the refridgerator she pushed down on the lever for the ice machine and wrapped up several ice cubes in the towel. Holding the ice pack to her eye Buffy thought further about her situation.

She was still strongly drawn to Angelus as ever. He was dangerous. He was a demon. He acted nothing like the man she loved. In fact, he was an unpredictable menace. Unstable. One moment he was charming, the next he was swearing her death. He made no secret of the fact that he hated everything she represented, not only to his species but most importantly, to Angel.

To say that he was disgusted by the fact that he was pursuing her was an understatement. His disgust could be no greater than hers however. To love Angel was a strike against her calling, yet even so, at least Angel had lived daily with his tremendous guilt and had tried to make amends for his crimes.

Yet to want Angelus, the very one that gave Angel his tortured nightmares and memories, who felt no remorse other than the fact that he missed out on almost a hundred years of havoc, was blasphemy to all the Slayers before her and all of the ones to come.

The shrill bell of the microwave caused Buffy to jump. The Slayers to come... Acrymydion would force the next calling in a little less than eight weeks. Perhaps she would be able to meet her fellow Slayer, therefore making two more in the world. But then perhaps, there would be one less.

Regardless of her fascination with Angelus, she had to stick to her present course. Although there was a chance that her indifference would only drive him further over the edge, Buffy was hoping that the opposite would prove true. She was hoping that Angel would get bored with their ‘game’, and leave Sunnydale.

Feeling exhausted Buffy quickly ate her soup and trudged upstairs to take a quick shower. It was past two in the morning and she had to get up in less than five hours. Hopefully her eye would be only a faint bruise in the morning and her ribs practically healed. She was soundly asleep before her head hit the pillow.

All too soon Buffy was roused from her sleep by what sounded like a thunderous pounding in her brain. Groaning she turned over onto her stomach and snuggled deeper in the covers. Insistently the noise would not go away. Finally she slit open an eye and saw a large shadow looming outside her window.

Immediately her drowsiness evaporated as if it had never been. Getting up she crept out of her bed until she stood within a few feet of the window. Her heart pounded loudly, so loud that she knew that HE could hear it. Fear made her limbs sluggish, and it left a sour taste in her mouth.

Tensely she waited.

His voice, barely a whisper, called to her. "What’s the matter Buff? I can smell it you know. The fear is just radiating off of you. You’ve never been this scared, not even the night when you thought I killed your pup. Are you scared of me darling?"

Buffy didn’t bother to dignify his question with an answer. He KNEW what she had done. Her belief was confirmed when he abruptly ordered "Let me in. Now."

Finding her voice, she forced herself to sound cool and detached. "I didn’t go through all this trouble just to let you in."

A span of a minute passed in silence. Buffy could feel her palms go clammy with sweat, forcing her to rub them against her cotton nightshirt. Each second that passed was a trial in torturous anticipation. Suddenly Angelus roared "GODDAMN YOU!! LET ME IN NOW!!"

Inexplicably Buffy’s eyes began to swell with tears as she backed away from the window. As if to match the volatile mood, the nighttime sky cracked with lightening and the wind began to howl. The heavens quickly unleashed their fury and let down a peltering rainstorm that would cause all the creatures of the night to seek shelter.

All of them except one.

Angelus’ intensity reverberated in each carefully enunciated word. "Invite me in Buffy. Now, before I really lose my temper." Buffy remained mute, her eyes transfixed on his enormous, distorted shadow.

A few more seconds passed when a sharp crack of lightening, sounding like a gunshot, streaked across the stormy sky. The noise had barely faded away when Angelus shattered the window with his fist, spraying glass all across the room. A few shards cut Buffy’s arms as she held them protectively across her face.

Her curtains danced madly in the wind and the thunder filled her ears with it’s deafening boom. Lightening intermittedly flared across the sky, illuminating her deadly would-be lover.

Her breath rushed through her lungs as she heaved in great gulps of air. She was barely aware of the tiny rivulets of blood that seeped down her arms. Rain had begun to pour in and her nightgown was soon molded to her body. Buffy could only stare in fascinated horror at the picture Angelus made.

His dark hair lay plastered to his head and rain streamed down his face. His large body was half-crouched on the slippery roof, his only support being one hand on the top of her window-sill. The black leather gleamed wetly while the sodden silk clung to his muscular chest, drawing her eyes to his hard nipples.

He looked as reckless as the force of nature that pounded the land.

A feral gleam shone brightly from a face as pale as death. Buffy could not tear her eyes away from his. Their color shifted from burnt orange to luminous yellow to jungle green. While threatening, they beckoned her with an unnatural beauty.

What horrified Buffy was the wanton urge to have him unleash his passion on her. Her dark desires begged to be the one to tame the beast. She had the insane need to have him show her how much of a force of unholy nature he himself was.

Angel wore the clothes of a man, but he was definitely running high with the emotions of the demon. Thwarted lust and fury contorted his features, drawing the skin tightly over his cheek-bones and hardening his mouth with a cruel slant.

Rasping Angelus entreated "Baby, let me in. Don’t do this. Don’t fight against it. It’s not too late." Buffy shook her head and said "N-no." The wood creaked ominously under his hand. "I mean to have you Buff. You belong to me, whether you admit it to yourself or not."

Softening his voice, he caressingly mused "I remember the way your voice sounded when you called out my name. Your body felt so warm and so small against mine. When I held out my hand to you, you rubbed her cheek against me. Don’t you realize how unbearably hard it was for me to leave you? Knowing that you dreamt of me?"

Buffy’s heart clenched with a curious mixture of shame and want. Was it only last week? Was it only seven nights ago when she put on a sexy dress, secretly knowing he would see her? Was it only seven nights ago when he held her pressed against his body, making her feel as if she were drowning in him?

Laying his other hand on the invisible barrier, he slowly ran it up and down in the perfect imitation of a lover’s caress. Buffy’s eyes followed the long leisurely movements as she listened to his velvety voice. "You called out MY name. Not Angel’s but MINE. You dreamt of me. Dreams are never as satisfying as fullfilling them. Let me fullfill yours, let me make every fantasy come true. Let me in..."

She took a hesitant step forward before mentally shaking her head. Angelus made it sound so easy, so easy to let him in, to make her let go of her conscience and give into his baser desires. Self-directed anger made her snap "You want to make my fantasy come true? Give me back Angel!"

The wood splintered beneath his palm. Flinging away a huge chunk of the sill Angelus pounded on the hated barrier once, snarling in fury. "If you don’t let me in I’ll kill them all tonight. All of them. Do you hear me? All of them."

Buffy shivered from the pure evil in his tone. Fear reclaimed her body. They were safe, as long as they didn’t let anyone in. She knew her friends wouldn’t, but what if the parents, ignoring the warning, let Angel or his minions in? Could she take the chance?

No, she couldn’t take the chance but neither could she let Angelus in. She could not, would not do it. In her heart she knew that if she ever allowed Angelus into herself, she would not only be selling her body but her very soul.

Inching over to her desk Buffy’s fingers found and immediately clutched a large crucifix. Holding it up in front of her, she forced Angel back from her window. Shielding his face, he hissed and cursed from the pain. Repeating her words from earlier she shouted over the thunder "You don’t exist to me anymore."

In response Angel jumped from the roof and proceeded to drive his fists into every window, the shattering of the glass competing with the thunder and lightening. Finally he boldly stood on the lawn and dared her to come out and stop him from murdering her friends. If she stayed in her home, she couldn’t prevent him from going to their houses. If she stepped outside, she was fair game for the taking.

What’s it going to be Slayer? Their lives or yours? he tensely thought and waited.

She stood at the jagged window, staring down at him, contempt for him written all over her lovely face. It was time to pull out his trump card. He had very busy in the past hour, ensuring that there would be no denying him tonight.

Instantly he leapt back onto the roof and crouched there less than two feet away from Buffy. Pulling out a cellular phone, he dialed while still staring at her. "Are they all there? Everything is ready?" he barked into the phone. Despite the ferocity of the storm and the static, Buffy could hear the sound of a voice on the other side.

Pulling the phone away from his ear, he held it towards her. "It seems that your little gang is over at the werewolf's" at her shocked look he smugly smiled "Yes, I knew about that too. We're natural enemies and all. As I was saying, your little gang is all in one place having a wonderful time---without you. Gosh Buff, I guess you wore out your welcome for them to deliberately leave you out!"

"I don't believe you. They wouldn't do that!" she mumbled.

Evilly grinning he assured her with "But they did! As of now they're playing, wait a minute" listening back into the phone he nodded and then continued "a game of charades and eating popcorn. What? You don't believe me?" Giving her a long suffering sigh he held the phone back to her, as close as he could against the barrier.

Carefully making sure she did not cross the protective wall between them, Buffy leaned closer and despite the static she could clearly hear the sound of laughter. Xander's in particular. She then heard Willow and Cordelia's voices raised in a disagreement of who was worse at charades.

Pulling back away Buffy felt a sharp stab of betrayal. Why did they leave her out? Were they pulling back from her already? What do you expect Buffy? You've hardly been the life of the party lately, and with the way things are going you're hardly going to be a life period!

Loyally she felt that there must be a reason for them hanging out without her. She just couldn't allow Angelus plant his seeds of distrust in her head. "So what? You and your boys can't get in, so you're telling me this because?" she rudely asked.

"I was hoping you'd say something like that Buff. You're right, we can't get in thanks to your delightful spell. But that doesn't mean that I can't have that house torched, trapping all inside to die a horrible death."

Buffy's face paled as his words sunk in. "What do you..."

"What do I want? Hmm. What do I want? I think, no, I KNOW that I want one thing."

"And that is?" she asked, dismally feeling that she already knew.

"Why you Slayer. I want you." Coldly he warned "If you don't let me in, I'll give them the order to set the house on fire. The ball's in your court Slayer."

"Even if I let you in, you could still order them to do it. How would I know that they were safe?"

"You wouldn't but you should know that if you DON'T let me in, they WILL die. What's your answer? Their deaths or our mutual satisfaction?"

"What satisfaction? I hate you!"

Sensing her struggle he cheerfully answered "I hate you too Buff! But I still want you and I know that you still want me. Look, I'm giving you the opportunity to be a hero. Their lives in exchange for me in your bed whenever I want."

"Yeah, I let you in to fuck me then you'll still kill them. No way."

Cajoling he returned with "Why would I kill them? I really don't give a crap about them---other than a possible meal. But hey, even I'm not THAT hard up. What I want is you. If I kill them I don't get you. However, I will do it if you don't give me my way. So Slayer, time is of the essense---my boys get really antsy in thunderstorms. Hell, they might just drop a little bit of gasoline, a couple of matches and then we'll have a really hot situation on our hands."

Buffy's mind was in a whirl. She couldn't take the chance that he would have them killed, but how could she trust him? "If I let you in, you'll leave them alone?"

"As long as you spread your luscious thighs when and where I want" Angelus boredly answered.

"Call them off" she ordered.

"Let me in" he shot back.

"I c-can't trust you!" she desperately cried.

"You have no choice Buff" he coldly stated.

How could she trust the word of a demon? Could she take that chance?

The End

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