Author:Claudia D. Christian
Email: CHANDRA1C@aol.com

In your room
Where time stands still
Or moves at your will
Will you let the morning come soon
Or will you leave me lying here
In your favourite darkness
Your favourite half-light
Your favourite consciousness
Your favourite slave

In your room
Where souls disappear
Only you exist here
Will you lead me to your armchair
Or leave me lying here
Your favourite innocence
Your favourite prize
Your favourite smile
Your favourite slave

I'm hanging on your words
Living on your breath
Feeling with your skin
Will I always be here

In your room
Your burning eyes
Cause flames to arise
Will you let the fire die down soon
Or will I always be here
Your favourite passion
Your favourite game
Your favourite mirror
Your favourite slave

I'm hanging on your words
Living on your breath
Feeling with your skin
Will I always be here
- "In Your Room" by Depeche Mode from their album "Songs of Faith and Devotion"

Buffy gingerly rolled to her side. She could feel her back healing, the red, striated skin fusing into a picture of health and vitality again. Her breath came back to her much more slowly, her lungs expanding and contracting until eventually she regained the ability to breathe normally. The sweat of cooling passion dried rapidly, causing several tendrils of Buffy's hair to stick to her temples.

Stretching her legs in the enormous bed she could hear Angelus moving across the room, the hushed pads of his feet barely making a whisper of sound as he readied the fireplace. Closing her eyes Buffy relived each decadent moment of the past hour. Although it had only been the night before since her tutoring session Buffy felt as if the new aspect of their carnal relationship was not really new at all.

Angelus had taught her much more than European history and politics. He had taught her to revel in the seamless edges between desire and pain. He had shown her that agony can go far beyond the torture of the flesh. He had convinced her that pain was just as compelling a reason to find ecstacy than pleasure itself.

Clutching the edge of the sheet to her chest Buffy once more rolled again to her back. She halfway expected to feel a searing sting possess her skin but she felt nothing. Her back was completely healed. Softly sighing she ran a hand through the sticky hair at her temple, her eyes trained upon the fabric-covered ceiling of Angelus' bed as she raised her knees up.

The night before when she wept in his arms and he licked the tears from her face, Buffy had felt a stirring in her soul that had everything to do with what could have passed for love and yet nothing to do with it. The power of her passions for Angelus had threatened to consume her in that one moment even though she had recognized the act for what it was---an unapologetic display of triumph. Angelus had reveled in what he had reduced her to that night: a writhing, maddened creature who yearned for his touch regardless of how heavy.

It was that dark yearning that had sparked the need to test her newly formed limits...and to break them.

Time and time again Buffy had laid willingly exposed to Angelus' perverse wishes. With eyes closed and cries spilling from her parted lips she had demonstrated how much she wanted to taste the biting caress of Angelus through his crop. He had fucked her five times with his body and countless times with his being. If the bluntness of this acknowledgement bothered Buffy at all, she needed only to remember the savageness of their joinings to know that to label it as anything else was a lie.

And a lie could go only so far when faced with it in the confines of one's mind...

Many times Buffy had expected Angelus himself to force her to the point of breaking yet he never did.

He didn't even try.

That was why the stirring in her soul couldn't have had anything to do with love. How could she have felt love for a vampire that wanted to break her at his own leisurely pace? How could she have felt love for herself when Buffy knew that Angelus couldn't do ANY of this without her shameful cooperation?

How could she love the way that twisted piece of leather in his hand made her feel?

Regardless, something powerful had flamed within Buffy, even if it had no real name, which caused her to roughly grab Angelus by the face. His eyes had sparked with anger when she rolled him onto his back. His hands had settled tightly on her shoulders, ready to push her back into a submissive position when their eyes locked. Whatever he saw made the corner of his mouth lift as his hands moved from her shoulders down to her hips.

When their bodies joined again Buffy had desperately prayed that her hatred for their passion showed in the roughness of her downward thrusts. Every night spent with him had taken Buffy further and further into disgrace. She could barely look her friends in the face, barely look her Watcher in the eye, knowing how far she would continue to fall.

She could barely look herself in the mirror and she still weeks to go before her fateful prophesy with Acrymydion...

Even then, especially then, when her lower body relentlessly impaled itself over and over again could she barely think about who she was, much less why she was there. Buffy could only feel the stain of self-hatred slowly yet steadily grow wider and wider...

That invisible pool of dishonor seemed to have taken even more of Buffy when she had looked down and fallen into the mirroring depths of Angelus' own hatred for herself, gleaming hotly in the glow of his amber eyes...

Shaking herself from her reverie Buffy lifted up her arm to check her watch. The time read 12:42. It would be another night with only a few hours of sleep before school. Turning her head on the pillow Buffy stared at where Angelus had laid not too long before. Other than the impersonal words of sex not much had been said between Angelus and herself.

Regardless of her despicable willingness to be here this night she could not shake off the virginal shame of discovering this new part of her desires. The less Angelus said to her, the better. Angelus. Rolling to her side again Buffy stared hard at the pillow that had so recently supported Angelus' dark head. He hadn't really taunted her with anything this evening. Despite the harshness of their sexual activities, he had been rather subdued.

And for a vampire like Angelus being subdued was close to being kind.

Hesitatingly her hand hovered above the pillow. Tonight she had yet to see any hint of madness coiling in the depths of his ebony gaze. Instead they had raked her naked flesh with scorching lust. Tonight she had yet to witness the smoldering fury oftentimes directed viciously towards herself. Instead, in the depths of her violent rejoicings she had seen the intense pleasure shine in his eyes, eyes that danced between the blackest of nights and the purest of gold.

Buffy knew that her gradually uninhibited displays of sexual completion had pleased him.

Staring into the darkness Buffy suddenly heard Angelus' footsteps soundlessly leave the room. Soundless they were but she heard them nonetheless. Closing her hand into a fist Buffy whipped it away from the abandoned pillow. Good. He was gone. Kindness was not an emotion she was going to even begin to contemplate him having. Sitting up in the bed Buffy tugged on the sheet until she felt it give way. Gathering it around her body with one hand she swung her feet off the bed while parting the loosened bed curtains with the other one.

Despite the fact that Angelus was down the hall she could still hear him. Even though he was not within her sight Buffy could picture his movements clearly. He always walked like the predator he was: fluidly, powerfully, but most of all, silently. The fact that Buffy could hear him reminded her of how he had drunk from her twice already and shared her blood with a forceful kiss from his lips.

Each time their tongues had dueled in passionate frenzy and Buffy tasted the oddly sweet liquid she had felt her body becoming drunk with power. She had been able to see a reflection of herself in Angelus' obsidian eyes, this time reflecting herself and his own drunkeness. With each blood-letting the sparkle in his eyes flashed more and more while his skin had assumed a slightly paler hue. Instead of making him look ghastly, the subtle changes had the exact opposite---in Buffy's eyes he only looked more and more beautiful.

The giddy effect of their blood exchanges threatened to overwhelm her everytime she felt his smallest touch, everytime she heard his cruel laughter. After the second letting Buffy had laid naked on the floor, the colors of the room spinning and spinning until she had closed her eyes from the sheer detail of her vision. Even then she could hear the world in slyly innocent whispers, telling her its secrets.

Angelus had simply laughed when she spoke her thoughts out loud. "Be careful Buff---you're beginning to sound like Dru", was all that he had said to her. Buffy was caught in a cat-like arch of her back when his words had drifted through the others crowding her mind. The mention of the mad vampiress tore through her, the desire to slay Drucilla no longer just because of duty. Angelus, sensing Buffy's growing anger, then scooped her up and roughly tossed her back in the bed, covering her body with his own hard, naked one.

Remembering the sinful ecstasy she had found at his touch sparked a craving within Buffy. She needed to put emotional distance between her desires and her conscious will. In order to do that Buffy had to put physical distance between her desire and her 'weakening' will. She wanted to get home and if Angelus hadn't already caught the scent of her growing desire---he soon would.

Quickly she glanced about the room, seeing the opulent surroundings still with a bit of awe. Angelus had stoked up the fire until now it was voraciously feasting upon the dried, dead wood. The frenzied lapping of flames cast much light and heat around the fireplace while throwing the rest of the room in darkened shadows. Her brow wrinkled slightly as she wondered in passing I thought all vampires were afraid of fire.

Walking towards the bathing room Buffy could hardly stir any real surprise that if Angelus felt any dread at all, he would still force himself to keep a fire around. That was what made him so powerful. While others of his species ran from their fears, Angelus insolently confronted them.

The dragged end of the bedsheet made a softly slithering sound as Buffy made her way to the small antechamber. Remembering what had transpired in the room earlier in the week made her keep the room dark, not wanting to see the paneled wall and knowing what was behind it. Pushing the button she only had to wait a moment before the door opened.

Glancing up she could see the midnight black painted with the tiny chips of faraway stars through the skylights. Flipping on a series of lights Buffy dropped the bedsheet and walked towards the other end of the room. She needed to find sleep in her own bed but not before taking a bath. Standing before the enormous bathing pool she could feel the stickiness of Angelus' lifeless seed and her own wetness clinging to the inside of her thighs. The exertions of the night had left layers of sweat on her body and her hair was tangled at her nape from rubbing up and down on the bed.

Walking about it Buffy tried to find the faucets. She thought they would have been in the normal spot all faucets were, but the smooth blue marble resided there alone. Finally she spied three gold buttons gleaming brightly on the ledge that lined the back of the pool. Pressing on one she heard a faint thud. Looking into the empty surface Buffy could see nothing that would have caused the noise. Shrugging she pressed another button, this time the one on the left. Immediately she could hear the loud gurgling of pressurized water shooting out.

Leaning forward she saw the water bursting forth from the sides of the pool. Testing the temperature with her fingertips Buffy winced. The water was scalding. Pushing down on the other button she did not have to wait long before hearing the cold water. Testing the temperature again she felt that the water was still too hot. Glancing back down at the buttons she decided to push down for the cold again. This time when she checked the water Buffy was satisified.

Stepping into the pool Buffy leaned her head against the edge while resting her body on another ledge, this time one that lined the bottom. Despite the size she could see that the pool would be filled quickly by the amount of water shooting inside it. Buffy could feel herself giving over to the heat of the bath as goosebumps erupted all over her body.

When she realized that she had forgotten to bring any shampoo or soap Buffy softly groaned. Finding her feet she carefully stepped out of the tub and padded her way to one of the larger cabinets that lined the bottom half of the front wall. Bending down Buffy opened up the door and quickly scanned for the shampoo and conditioner she had used the night before. Soon spotting them she lifted the bottles out and set them on the floor before searching for a bar of soap.

Biting her lower lip Buffy closed the door with a small thud. There was no soap in this cabinet. She thought she saw him get it from this one last night. She had forgotten to get the soap then as well, assuming from habit that it would be where she needed it. Angelus had been the one to bring it to her, when he then proceeded to thoroughly wash her body with firm, slippery strokes...

Flushing from the raw memories that assaulted her brain Buffy suddenly stood up. It was a sickness---the way she hungered for him, the way she could hardly keep him from invading her mind---it was a sickness! She was looking for soap, nothing fancy, just soap and the next thing she knew---bam! There he was---in her mind.

Exhaling deeply Buffy laid her hands on the counter when she saw the large wooden chest. It hadn't been there the night before. Curiosity bade her to open it while a sense of deeply ingrained manners made her feel that she hadn't the right. Quickly curiosity won out---but not before she looked over her shoulder. The room was still empty.

Examining the outside of the chest she observed that although it looked like it could accomodate a lock, it did not have one. It simply had a latch that could easily be flipped up. Placing the tips of her fingers on the middle of the lid Buffy pushed it up and immediately smiled in delight when a waft of pleasurable scents enveloped her.

Inside were numerous daintily wrapped soaps in a variety of exquisite packaging. Picking up an ivory colored circle Buffy held it to her nose and breathed in deeply. Jasmine---one of her favorites. Putting it down on the counter she peered inside again, letting her fingers sift through the bath salts, powders, and gels with delight. They were all pretty, feminine products without a single male scent to be found.

Which meant...

Pulling back slightly Buffy frowned while wondering were they for her? But why?

What was it that Angelus had said to her the night before while bathing her? Or actually while holding her from behind, his tongue tasting her even while his cock slowly entered her body...

Feeling a tightening in her gut Buffy quickly heard his words echoing in memory...

I like the way you smell Buff but I think you could be far more sweeter...

Which meant that these were for her to use. Buffy had a moment of disquiet. There was a part of her that distrusted what this meant if she used the things he wanted her to. It was as if it were another way for Angelus to make her into something of his own making. First soap but then what else?

Looking back down at the lone tissue-covered package on the counter Buffy wryly smiled. She was being entirely too flaky. It was just a bar of soap. Besides, wouldn't the time to have issues about her position here have been last week? Or when he almost turned her? Or maybe Sunday when...

Buffy's thoughts ground to a halt. It was just a bar of soap. Scooping up the plastic bottles on the floor, a large glass container of bath salts, and the jasmine scented soap Buffy went back to her bath. She had forgotten that the water was still running so her feet carried her back to the pool much more quickly than they started to.

Setting down all her supplies Buffy saw that the water was approaching near the top. Oh hell...how did she turn off the water? Before she could begin to start pressing buttons the water suddenly stopped. Quickly looking over her shoulder Buffy halfway expected Angelus to be standing there but she was alone. Shrugging she uncorked the bath salts and dumped nearly half the bottle in. At home she wouldn't have been so extravagant but since she wasn't home...

Gingerly placing one foot in the water Buffy sighed with pleasure. Soon she had both legs emerged in the delicious water. Making sure her shampoo, conditioner, and soap were close at hand Buffy settled herself back on the deep ledge. She softly groaned in delight. The water was just hot enough to awaken her skin but without causing her to break into a sweat.

Letting her arms float Buffy wondered what Angelus was doing. He hadn't said anything to her before sliding out of bed, he had just slapped her bottom with enough force to make her yelp. Stretching out an arm Buffy lifted the soap from the pool's ledge. A few sure tears had the soap uncovered and in her hand. Lazily she soaped herself, washing the sweat and smell of sex off her body. The smoothness of the soap felt so nice against her skin. Buffy smiled as the wonderful scent of jasmine wrapped itself around her.

When she brought the small disk down between her legs Buffy felt a tiny jolt of pleasure. Her mouth opened slightly when she did it again. It felt really good. She was just washing herself as she did all the time, but now it felt different. She found her hand straying back again and again to where only Angel and Angelus had touched her. Buffy lay in the water unsure of how she had arrived to this point.

Masturbation. One of the things that she had yet to really do.

All the information now assured that masturbation was a healthy part of functioning. Many books were devoted to the theory that people should not be ashamed of touching themselves in pleasure.

She agreed wholeheartedly---even though she personally did not do it.

Moving her hand out of the water Buffy placed the jasmine soap along side the shampoo. She wasn't ashamed, well maybe just a little, but masturbation just never seemed to fit into her nightly rountines---that's why she never did it. That's all. Staring ahead Buffy watched as the steam rose in wafts from the surface of the water. Her heart was pounding while her body was tight and achy.

She felt unfulfilled.

There's no reason not to try it now.

Glancing down she could see her thighs spread slightly, while her curls contrasted sharply against the rest of her skin. Biology must have designed it such---now that she was aroused again she couldn't seem to look away.

Swallowing thickly Buffy ducked her head under the water. Coming up with eyes squinted and cheeks flushed she pushed her hair off her face before efficiently shampooing her hair. Massage, rub, rinse. She WAS NOT uncomfortable with masturbation. She just needed to get home and get into bed by herself. By herself...alone...where no one could see...

It's not a bad thing to do. It's not like you'll go blind or anything.

Sitting up straighter Buffy reached out a hand, opened the conditioner, squirted a large dollop onto her palm, and then slapped it onto her hair. Quickly rubbing it throughout she didn't even give it a chance to set in before dunking herself under the water again. It was time to get out.

Or time to get off.

Placing her hands on the side of the pool Buffy thought to herself Okay, time to get off...I mean out! A moment passed and then another as she simply sat there. Her body felt so achy, she just needed release. Sliding back down into the pool Buffy again entertained thoughts of self-pleasure.

She was so aroused all it would take would be a few strokes of her fingers. Angelus did it to her often enough, she should be able to mimic what he did.

Glancing across the room she checked to see if she were truly alone. No Angelus.

C'mon Buffy...it's no biggie she thought to herself. With heart pounding she moved her hand under the water. Lightly touching her curls Buffy experienced a thrill of pleasure. Parting herself with one finger she ran the tip of her finger down against her clit. Arching slightly she found her breath coming harder even as her eyes slitted shut and the strong scent of jasmine drifted about her. Opening her eyes she looked across the room to make sure she was still alone.

Buffy shivered when she allowed her fingers to trace down the outside of her labia. Twisting her shoulders she heard herself begin to pant in anticipation. She was doing it. She was masturbating.

Feeling the water lap against her Buffy spread her legs wider. It felt wonderful. Thoughts of past carnal pleasures rose sharply in her mind as her fingers began to insistently stroke faster.

She thought about the taste of Angelus in her mouth, of the way he felt in her throat.

She thought about the feeling of Angelus being inside her, of the way he pulled her hair.

She thought about the way it felt to orgasm against Angelus, of the way he struck her harder.

She thought about the way it would feel for Angelus to take her in that secret, forbidden place, of the way he would surely stretch her.

Gasping Buffy pulled her hand away. Breathing heavily she glanced about the room, feeling disoriented. Pushing her hair back off her face she immediately brought her legs together. She couldn't go through with it, not with thinking about that kind of sex.

"Aww, c'mon Slayer. Just when things were getting interesting..."

The smoothly mocking voice of Angelus struck Buffy like a slap. Twisting quickly she heard the water slosh in the pool as she scanned the room. It was empty.

Two bright spots of color stained Buffy's cheeks as she wondered where he was. His voice sounded so clear, at least to her oversensitized senses. Just how long had he been watching? Standing up she made to get out of the pool when she heard a chastising sound come from above. "I don't think so Buff. Sit down."

Still standing Buffy finally found her voice. "Where are you?"

A chuckle echoed throughout the room. She could hear a deep sigh being exhaled before, "Does it matter? Besides, you looked as if I was the last one on your mind. Why stop Slayer when you were so close?"

Feeling so ashamed at being caught Buffy mumbled, "I-I don't know what you mean." She felt so exposed, so naked beyond the physical. She just wanted to cover herself. Lifting a leg to step out of the pool she was immediately whipped by a curt, "DON'T!"

Freezing at the lethalness of the command Buffy wildly wondered at where Angelus could be. He could obviously see her, talk to her, order her about---so where was he? Scanning the room again Buffy saw not a sign of the arrogant vampire. Suddenly she caught the briefest glimmer of light against the ceiling. Focusing her eyes on the tiny spot Buffy's head reared back slightly when she realized what it was.

A camera lens.

Angelus had been watching her with help of a very well hidden camera.

Another chuckle echoed in the room. "Surprise Baby---you're on tape."

"You pervert!"

A tsking murmur taunted Buffy while she still stood poised for flight. "C'mon darling. It's not a big deal."

"The hell it isn't! I bet it's against the law in all 50 states including California!" Covering her breasts with one arm Buffy looked for a towel while feeling like the biggest fool. To be caught with her hand down there! Remembering that she had forgotten to get one Buffy could either stand there like an idiot or sit back in the water. She decided to get out of her bath whether Angelus liked it not. Stepping out of the pool she quickly rushed towards the enormous armoire before pulling out a midnight-blue towel.

"That's not what I mean baby. Why the rush to leave? Are you embarressed?" The last question was asked in the softest of tones, beckoning Buffy to pause while wrapping the towel around her. When Angelus used that tone of voice with her she invariably became completely malleable to his every want.

"I am SO not going to even answer that" she shakily stated while slamming the armoire doors shut. Her wet hair streamed rivulets of water with every step that she took but Buffy did not want to take the time to dry her hair. All she wanted to do was leave.

"There's nothing to be ashamed of Buff. Everyone does it."

I'm not listening to you.

"Even I do it."

"Like that's a surprise", she dryly stated out loud.

Another chuckle followed her to the mirror. Pulling open a drawer Buffy grabbed the large brush and began to quickly run the brush through the heavy locks. Wincing when one vicious stroke tugged at a small tangle Buffy heard Angelus say, "Careful there babe or you'll find yourself bald."

Scowling at the ceiling Buffy retorted, "Will you please stop watching me? If you want to look do it in person, otherwise shut the camera off!"

"Miss my presence that much sweet?" A moment passed in silence when Buffy stubbornly refused to respond. "Ahh, don't tell me you don't like my toy darling?"

"No. I don't."

His voice oozed with malicious playfulness as he said, "But it's so much fun!"

Brushing her hair up high Buffy gathered it in one hand. Putting the brush down on the counter she reached for a rubberband when she realized it wasn't there. Frowning Buffy began to think back to where she last had it on when she caught sight of it in the mirror. It was on her wrist. Taking it off she secured her ponytail while remembering when she slipped it on. It had been earlier in the night after Angelus told her to put her hair down.

"I'm still watching." The smirk on his face translated loudly to his annoyingly taunting voice.

"Don't like me ignoring you lover?", Buffy drawled as she put the brush back into the drawer.

"Actually I think you wish I had ignored 'you', don't you babe? Afterall, if I hadn't said anything you would have already cum---wouldn't you?"

Staring at her reflection in the mirror Buffy watched as the color flushed her face to a pinkish hue.

"Watching isn't so bad Buff." Angelus' voice dropped to a husky growl as he murmured, "Being watched is even better."

Buffy gripped the counter as the wicked shivers ran up her back. She could tell herself that she would not even begin to think about what he was suggesting but it was too late. She WAS thinking about it.

"The pool is still full."

"I bet it's still hot."

Even though she told herself not to glance over her shoulder Buffy did. The brief yet sharp pleasures that she had experienced there beckoned her sinfully. Tearing her gaze away from the still-steaming marble pool Buffy turned back to stare into the mirror.

"I saw how you kept looking towards the doorway..."

Buffy's breath hitched slightly, knowing what he was going to say next.

"I just wonder if you were hoping that I wouldn't be there...or if I would."

Buffy remembered it as well. She wanted privacy but then again, just the thought of him being there had made the stolen pleasure a little more wicked, a little more sinful. Buffy didn't realize it at the moment but now she knew.

She knew.

"You made me so hard, did you know that Buff?"

Oh God.

"I just thought I'd sneak a peek to watch you bathe. Since you snuck into the bath, I figured I'd return the favor. By the way, I hope you liked the soap darling; expect to use it every night."

Buffy remained silent, waiting to hear what other words he would use to tempt her.

"So I watch you. I watch you knowing you don't know. And you know what? I found that I missed it."

"Missed it?", Buffy huskily asked.

"Yes, it. IT was watching you Slayer", Angelus silkily replied.

Buffy's eyes rose, her gaze focusing on the reflection of the nearly-invisible camera. The connection between herself and her lover lay there in the ceiling, keeping them apart but all of sudden, keeping them strangely intimate now.

"Did you know that I watched you for weeks before you became mine? I'd watch you eat dinner with Joyce. I'd watch you laugh at your favorite television program. I'd watch you brush your hair at night. I'd watch you undress. I'd watch you slide those tiny cotton panties off your body, ass towards the window, and you know what I'd swear to if I had a god?"

Lowering her eyes Buffy stared at her reflection and saw her body sway slightly.

"I'd swear that you knew I was there."

Buffy's stomach clenched with fierce hunger. She remembered the nights when she did just that. Slowly her clothes would come off until she was left with nothing but a bra and a pair of underwear. For some nonsensical reason she would take her panties off first, before unclapsing her bra. Normally she undressed the other way but only adopted the practice around the time that she and Angelus began their nightly sparrings.

She did know he was there.

Of course not on a conscious level but in the deepest recesses of herself she KNEW he was perched out there, watching, waiting.

"So I watched you tonight Buff. I watched you soak in my pool, I watched you use my soap, I watched you touch my cunt."

Buffy closed her eyes as the perversity of her desires rose sharply. The last two words should have outraged her, but instead now she felt even more aroused. It could have been because of the throaty possessiveness which he said them but Buffy knew it was something different.

It was because of the sheer rawness of Angelus. My cunt.

"I wanted it to be my hand that touched you but I found that I liked the sight of your own."

My cunt.

"I was disappointed when you stopped Buff. But then you started again..."

A soft sound of desire slipped past Buffy's lips as she gripped the counter even harder.

"I watched as your fingers played as if it were for the first time." A slight pause lay in the room before Angelus softly inquired, "Was it the first time Buff?"

Buffy swallowed to soothe a throat that had suddenly gone dry. She didn't need to answer a question like that.

"Was it baby? Was it the first time you fingered yourself?"

The crudeness of his question did not seem so crude when he spoke in such a soft beguiling voice. Buffy opened her mouth and answered, "Yes."

"Really?" Another silence filtered through the air before being replaced with, "Tonight could be the first time you finished. The water feels so nice, doesn't it lover? You could be there right now. All you have to do is take off your towel...come on Buff---take off the towel."

Breathing shallowly Buffy stared into the mirror, her hands clenched tightly around the cool aqua tile. If she did this, if she could go beyond her embaressment, beyond her rigid shyness, the experience could awaken a world without shame...

With Angelus wickedly leading the way, all with a throaty whisper of lust.

Hesitation seemed silly, didn't it?

The towel slithered to the floor in a small heap.

A murmur of appreciation lent itself to Buffy's ears while a knot twisted itself inside of her.

"Don't be afraid darling."

Her eyes flew to the ceiling, the gentleness of his tone comforting her in a way that had yet to happen in their twisted exchanges.

Biting her lip Buffy could feel her heart pounding in her chest while her arms felt slightly weak. She had faced vicious demons with less fear than she felt right at this moment.

What was more frightening---giving into her own inhibitions or giving into Angelus? As Buffy continued to stare at the ceiling she could not see a difference between the two. She knew what this would be about, and this time she couldn't see any wrongness in it at all. Of course Buffy understood that Angelus wanted to strip away another layer of herself, that he wanted to expose her barriers and crumble them.

But it would be her fingers, her pleasure, her power over them both.

Knowing the lusty creature that he was Buffy wondered how long it would be before he joined her, helpless to stay away from her solitary enjoyments.

Unbeknownst to Buffy her eyes darkened with passion while a tiny smile lifted the corners of her mouth. Letting go of the counter she turned towards the bath, her straightened back arched but only slightly. Nothing in her posture was exaggerated but she walked with a slight sway of her hips while the feminine pride coyly whispered in each step.

Lifting one slender leg Buffy stepped into the pool, sighing again because of the water's delightful heat. Settling herself on the ledge Buffy relaxed her body, allowing her arms to float once more. Angelus had remained quiet for several moments, giving her the privacy of silence. But Buffy knew he was still watching...

Always watching.

"Why do you watch?", she suddenly asked, wanting to break the silence.

A beat of utter absolute before, "Why do you think?"

"No fair---I asked first." Could that actually be her voice, husky with an undercurrent of teasing?

Leaning back in his leather chair Angelus' eyes were riveted on the monitor before him. The youthful face dominated the screen, a fine sheen of moisture already dotting the corners of her temples. The curve of her cheek, the plumpness of her lower lip, the arch of her brow were all alluring in their own right but it was her eyes that fascinated Angelus the most.

Lushly framed by naturally dark lashes they radiated the burgeoning power of her sexuality. So dark in color they almost appeared as black as his own, Buffy's eyes beckoned with an as yet unknown knowledge. Despite the many times he had fucked her, Buffy was still so innocent in so many ways.

Innocence.

Precious to hold, priceless to taint.

Many things the he refused to see drew him to her, aside from their past, but it was her innocence that he saw, that still continued to fascinate him. It had to be. Angelus had been drawn to innocence for centuries---virgins his most valuable prize.

Until they lost their allure and had to be quickly dealt with.

Regardless, it was innocence and the corrupting he orchestrated that he needed the most. Not much had changed between now and then...

Pushing a lever Angelus widened the angle of the camera, putting the rest of Buffy's body in view. Her breasts lay half submerged in the water, the nipples pouting playfully as the water gently lapped against them with each of her movements. Her legs were pressed together from knee to upper thigh while her calves rested far apart. For all appearances Buffy looked a delectable mix between coy siren and bashful virgin.

Returning to her face Angelus could clearly see that the siren was winning. Another piece of innocence gone forever, and yet there was still so much more to be had...

While Buffy had not technically been a virgin, at least not with Angelus' body, her innocence had been undeniable.

With each joining blushes still continued to cover her body, with each successively carnally raw act vulnerability still shined brightly from her eyes. Now that he had taught her a different kind of bite, the deliciousness of her emotions gave him something new to savor.

Each strike of the crop produced a mixture of excitement, nervousness, embaressment, and fear within her young body. Angelus knew it was not just fear of him, at least not yet. It was more a fear of her own nature, her own penchants for pain.

It frightened her and her innocence told her that it was perverted.

With a quiet click of the tiny lever Angelus stared into the eyes of Buffy. Her eyes completely filled the screen, the numerous pixels contrasting against the different shades that composed them. Shifting forward Angelus' pants softly slithered against the leather chair, the black material hugging his lean hips with negligent grace.

He adored her innocence but now he was aroused to an unwanted pitch to see the hints of woman peeking through.

If it was true that the eyes are the windows to the soul Angelus did not know if he trusted what he read in hers.

She wanted to know why he liked to watch.

Taking a drink he waited to feel the alcohol burn, momentarily warming him from the inside. Leaning back in his chair he replayed her voice in his mind, hearing the flirtatiousness beckon him to answer in return.

He was not in the mood.

Why do you watch?

"I like to watch because only then are you real."

Loosely holding the heavy crystal-cut glass of brandy in his hand Angelus did not hear the tiny note of wistfulness in his voice.

Only when they did not know he was there were they ever honest. All their emotions lay open without force, shining and pure---as long as he just watched.

However, once he had them, then the lies came. The promises of love, of enduring loyalty and faithfulness---all lies.

Once he had them beneath him did they hide their emotions, greedily keeping them locked inside the box of their hearts, away from him.

So Angelus was left with no choice but to rip that bloody box apart.

But even then their emotions eluded him for they oftentimes took them into the grave.

"Why are you watching now? I know you're there, so it's not the same."

A torrent of emotions raged inside Angelus yet none could be evidenced in his voice this time. Seductively he said, "Ssh, let's not bore each other with words darling. Instead, why don't you remember the thoughts that made you so hungry for pleasure?"

Her eyes shifted away, lowering so that all he could see was the fan of her lashes. After a few moments Buffy raised them again, staring directly into the camera.

Staring deeply into the image of Buffy's eyes Angelus clenched his jaw tightly. She still refused to let her true feelings show without a fight, she still continued to place a wall between them and him.

So why had he yet to kill her?

Even now the siren continued to stare him down, slowly blinking while the corners of her lids crinkled ever so slightly, mocking him with a growing gleam of confidence.

Taking a larger gulp of brandy this time Angelus screwed his eyes shut as the force of the liquor overtook him. Setting the glass down on the massive mahogany desk with more force than he intended, Angelus remembered other times, other women before her.

Glancing again at the screen he observed the fan of lashes briefly close over Buffy's beautiful eyes before opening once more---this time with a haze of lust softening the clarity of the dark hazel.

Moving the camera lens until the entire pool was on-screen Angelus watched as Buffy began to trail her fingers between her thighs. Aroused against his will Angelus watched not her hand, nor the soft undulations of her hips, but her eyes.

Falling into her eyes Angelus remembered the last time he had seen the mix of innocent power flash in a face so young.

It had been a century ago, when he had first seen her at the local fair. The very same fair that Druscilla had so wanted to go to before he had crushed her throat and locked her in her room.

That had also been the night that had sealed his fate. It had also been the same date that Darla had given him eternity. Fate, it seems, was not and still is not without a reckless sense of irony.

Tonight was the anniversary of his life and death as Angel and Angelus.

The laughter was loud and raucous, the lights of arching torches illuminating the night sky in a way that seemingly reflected the mood of those it served. Angelus and Darla elegantly prowled through the crowds, searching face after face in hopes of finding entertainment beyond momentarily quenching the ever-present thirst. The dust swirled around their expensively shod feet yet neither seemed to care. It was a night of enchantment---the flesh surrouding them joyous and free.

Fairs drew many from far and wide, beckoning all to shed worries and become happy--even if for one day. Scores of people rubbed shoulder to shoulder; the pronouncement of blooded class holding a smaller importance than usual. Of course the majority of wealthier class still clutched their purses tightly despite the hulking body or bodies that served to guard them, but only tightly---not with the usual strangle hold. Afterall, it was the fair.

The local traveling fair brought all manners of flesh to experience in the simple yet overblown delights of sweets, physical tests of strengths, trinkets, fortunes, and dancing.

And none held greater promises of entertainment than the gypsies.

"Angelus, darling, have you yet to find something to...wet your thirst?", Darla inquired in her casual yet provocative way.

Patting her hand once Angelus replied, "Only you darling." Constantly scanning the crowd he felt the chains of ennui begin to restrict him in a way that was not to his liking. He had been beyond bored for the past several weeks and no amount of playing had yet to so much as spark an interest beyond the moment.

Darla's visit was doing nothing to soothe his mood. Normally they would have been bedded down someplace, engaged in every licentious act either knew, but for some reason Angelus' cock could not even be bothered to half-erectness.

If Darla knew, and he knew damned well that she knew, she carefully hid it well behind her ever-present sinful smile. While a lusty creature she was, Darla had no interest in cajoling an unwilling partner to bed. So all would be well between them on the surface, but Angelus knew better. In return for a case of wounded pique, Darla would most likely make him pay in her own way.

Women.

Dead or not, they oftentimes caused more problems than pleasure.

Like tonight for example.

His beautious siress had absolutely no right to interfere with his discipline of Druscilla yet she had been bold enough to do just that. Spoiled, willful creature! Too bad she couldn't be broken by his methods or he'd have had her on her knees as well right now.

The problem with Darla was that she enjoyed his firm hand so well that there was no point in using it other than to play.

The last they had played had been about 35 years prior. Vastly entertaining to the extreme Angelus and Darla had enjoyed each other's vicious comforts tremendously. However, it had been the last round for them because shortly after he had become quite obsessed with Druscilla.

Correctly reading his preoccupation they had parted with no ill will, Darla coyishly tapping him on the arm with her delicately painted fan, admonishing him not to "Break this one too quickly." And with a swish of her skirts and the slam of her carriage door Darla had traveled out of his life until now.

Not that he was too surprised by her timing.

It had become somewhat of a morbid tradition for her to choose this date to see him. While he too acknowledged the humor of his mother wishing him a dreadfully happy birthday, tonight did not suit him.

Moving through the crowd with her at his side Angelus allowed himself the unneeded reaction of sighing. What he needed was something new to enthrall his appetite. Other than a few here and there, there had been no real obsession to engage him---at least one worth remembering. He would not count his little Austrian from the year before because she was quite easily forgotten.

Vampiresses there were plenty, but even the most talented could not reproduce what even the simplest peasant before him could: real, honest emotion.

So he scanned, symbolically feeding what he could from those around him when he saw her.

She stood on a platform, proudly walking back and forth, ignoring the lustier of catcalls even while her body subtlely spoke of pleasure. Her luscious, thick black hair hung loosely to her waist, the ebony of her locks contrasting beautifully against her multicolored skirt. The shirt that she wore would have been classified as immodest by outsider standards but the cut signified her innocent status amongst her own.

Angelus felt the chains that had been holding him down break free. She was incredible. She was going to be his.

He had found at last what he had been searching for.

So engrossed was he that he did not notice when Darla's hand slipped from his arm, although he dimly heard what happened next.

Feeling a bump against her hip Darla slowly turned her head to look at the offender. A youth of no more than 18 years tugged his forelock and quickly apologized in the local dialect, "Forgive me mistress! I did not mean to offend you. It was my own clumsiness that caused it. Forgive me!"

Regally peering up at the roughly handsome face Darla allowed a devastingly sweet smile curve her lips. Angelus may be too preoccupied to pay her due attention, but she just found a replacement. "Clumsy? I think not."

Hearing his own language spoken flawlessly by the beautiful blonde woman the young lad immediately felt his heart leave from his chest to rest at the stranger's feet. The perfection of her face, the kindness in her eyes---she was truly an angel from heaven. She did not look at him with scorn, like those of her kind normally did. In fact, she did not even seem to notice his swarthy complexion or the poorness of his clothes.

Warily he glanced at the powerfully dark man next to her, knowing he had to be her husband.

Knowing the obvious thoughts that were going through his naive head Darla turned to Angelus and said in musically sweet voice, "I shall see you later tonight I trust?"

Not wanting to look away from his newest obsession, Angelus merely grunted, "Yes."

Making his way through the crowd he finally stood before the makeshift stage, watching the magnificent creature call out, "Come now sirs! Surely one of you is bold enough to match your impressive strength with Marco the Merciless!"

Marco was a great heavily muscled beast of a man with arms the size of tree trunks. He silently stalked across the stage, flexing his arms with great flare and cunning---showcasing his unquestionable size but also tempting the onlookers to believe that they could possibly take him down.

Angelus was not the least bit interested in Marco or his overgrown muscles---he was far more interested in the slender brown ankles that flashed so sweetly with her every step.

"One minute sirs! That is all!"

The fire was growing, steadily consuming Angelus until all that was left was the seductive call of her heartbeat.

"If you can keep yourself from being pinned down, not only will you get back your fare but we will DOUBLE it!"

Yes, without a doubt he had to have this one.

Suddenly the creature was speaking directly to him. Lifting his eyes towards her, Angelus allowed the fierceness of his desire for her to slash across the space that separated them, wanting her to feel his hunger. Standing directly above him the girl's throat worked once, attesting eloquently to having received his dark message.

Angelus expected her to flee from the stage, or at the very least back away from him, but she did neither. Instead she met him in the eye and smiled slightly. The untried womanly power in her eyes could not be hidden despite the fact that they were as dark as his own.

All with a smile had he been caught that long ago night. A smile that was so similar to the one Buffy greeted his camera with.

Only hers was caused because of sexual pleasure, not the thrill of attracting a wealthy man.

Feeling his cock press heavily against his pants Angelus forced himself to calmly watch his mistress fuck herself instead of tearing down the hall and fucking her himself.

Buffy felt her body loosen with each movement of her fingers. While at first she had been extremely nervous to do this, now in the throes of her own lust Buffy realized how incredibly silly she had been.

Her fingers trailed up and down, feeling the flesh tighten with delight. Very softly she brushed against her clit before trailing lower. With a small amount of surprise she realized that she was teasing herself, much like Angelus did to her.

Feeling her heart quicken Buffy groaned softly. He was right again, that bastard. She did enjoy knowing he was watching her. Moving her hips a bit more insistently she imagined what he was doing right at this moment.

Perhaps he was just in the next room, lounging on the couch in that beautifully negligent way of his.

Or maybe he was in a different part of the house, watching as she put two fingers inside herself.

This time when her fingers brushed upwards they pressed harder against the small piece of flesh that held so much pleasure for her.

Angelus.

She was so addicted to him, despite everything he had done to her. Softly moaning Buffy closed her eyes, not understanding how so much pain could enhance the hunger for him. He hurt her so terribly; just his very existence tore a hole through her chest. When she thought of the way things were, of the way it had been when Angel had been here, she cried.

Perhaps not always with the tears that showed on the outside, but she always wept the warm tears that could only be felt on the inside.

Memories assaulted her mind, reminding Buffy of how cruel she had been to Angel---especially in the beginning. She remembered of how she had constantly ridiculed him for his awkwardness, taunted him with his lack of pulse, and pushed him away when all he had wanted to do was help.

Unwillingly Buffy recalled how time and time again she would set out to hurt him, to show him he meant nothing to her even though on the inside it wasn't true. She remembered how cold she had been to him after she had returned from her summer in LA.

Eventually things had changed but it did nothing to take away the fact of what she had been.

Bringing her chin into her shoulder Buffy moved her face as if to hide what she knew---she had been like Angelus was to her now.

Was the cruelty she suffered from his hands in part because of the way she had treated Angel then?

He wanted her to do this to prove another way of control, but he had it all wrong: she had never felt so much control as she did now.

Buffy had done much good in the world, and she knew it without conceit, but she had also done so much wrong. Especially against Angel.

I like to watch because only then are you real. In that moment she had heard someone new, neither Angel nor Angelus, but both of them. Angelus was always in control, always arrogant and confident to the end, but when he had spoken to her, he let something crack. That crack communicated an emotion in Buffy that she was powerless to ignore.

Tonight Angelus had been subdued---in their dealings it WAS being kind. That kindness, no matter how tiny, could lead to other kindness. He wanted her to be real, he wanted her to open up to him.

She was going to real, right now for him, for Angel.

Turning her head away from her shoulder Buffy forced her head back up against the edge of the pool. Drawing her legs upwards Buffy made sure that her eyes were focused on the tiny camera lens, wanting him to see everything that was happening to her body.

Now she was finally in control. Buffy was in control of her own atonement.

Watching Buffy's hand slide up her body until it touched her breast Angelus wondered at the thoughts that had consumed her in the last few moments. Pushing aside his own memories he found comfort in that most basic emotion: lust. He may not trust or ever really see what lay in Buffy's little bloody box but he trusted in what he saw in her face.

"It feel good, doesn't it?", he seductively drawled.

"Oh, yes", she moaned while steadily focusing on the camera.

Coldly smiling at the naked longing in her voice Angelus softly asked, "You're not so shy anymore, are you?"

"No...not anymore."

"Good, that's so good Buff. But you know what?"

"What?", she asked with a hitch in her voice.

"I want you to be bad", Angelus wolfishly stated.

"Bad?"

"Yeah, I want you to be real bad for me baby. Can you be bad for me?"

Shuddering because of the dark, sultry hunger found in his voice Buffy felt a mighty ache assault her senses. Oh God she thought with exquisite longing. Shutting her eyes she heard her breath quicken as she thought of Angelus. The heat of the water deliciously enveloped her body, making her feel touched and held.

Every submerged inch of her was fluidly wrapped with heat, but it was not enough and Buffy knew why.

The liquid was a poor comparison to the vampire who watched her.

Shifting restlessly Buffy moaned a tiny, greedy sound. She wanted him now. He wanted her to be bad for him, did he? Buffy would be as bad as Angelus wanted her to be and perhaps, just perhaps, her pain would lighten.

For him. Because of them both.

"I want to be bad", she sighed as she rubbed the palm of her hand over her mound.

A wicked chuckle rent the air. "My little girl wants to be real bad. That's good Buff---I like you bad for me. Just for me." A small pause stilled all sound before he guttarly asked, "You want to be bad only for me, don't you Buff?"

Opening her eyes Buffy stared up at the near-invisible lens wondering why the angry possessiveness in his voice appeared.

"Answer me Buff", he curtly ordered a mere second later.

Bewildered she admitted, "I couldn't do this with anyone else." Her pulse began to beat heavily, the fluttering in her throat eloquently attesting to knowledge of Angelus' distrust in those few spoken words.

The pleased purr Angelus emitted sent a ripple of heat through Buffy, while a sense of wariness remained within. He was growing angry with her and this bothered her more than it should. It was so strange, the dealings between her and Angel and now her and Angelus. With Angel the question of jealousy had been rarely addressed.

With Angelus it was becoming more and more apparent.

If any of the two sides of them should have been suspicious of her activities it should have been Angel.

Allowing her hand to drop back into the water Buffy broke symbolic contact with Angelus. It was ironic, it really was. She loved Angel, still loved Angel, yet Angelus held her more completely in his hand than Angel ever did.

Angel would have been content with perhaps briefly allowing her to lay within his open palm, always free to go and never pressured to stay.

Angelus would be satisfied with nothing less than forcing her to feel every digit of his fingers wrapped tightly about her, crushing her to the point of suffocation, but allowing her enough breath to be grateful to him.

How could she ever gain her footing with him when one foot was stuck in the past and the other so far into the future that she stood precariously stretched between them both?

To lay in this pool, to be in this house with Angelus had to be the most exquisitely insane torment of her life. Whenever she was with him, her heart felt so crushed within her chest Buffy vaguely wondered how she could ever really draw breath. She walked as a person only moments away from loss of consciousness.

Perhaps that was why she could not make clear decisions concerning him---now and then.

Sunday night had to have been the worst night of her life. It was still so painful for her to remember. It had been far more painful than the night when she realized that Angel was truly gone and that all she had left was a coldly, taunting stranger. The night that she had laid curled into a ball on her bed had been a night of innocence gone.

The night that she had laid impaled on a table had been a night of innocence violently shattered.

And yet she was still here. And yet she still wanted him. And yet she longed for him to be with her.

"Where are you Buff?" His voice was slightly sing-song, the familiar mocking lilt lacing his words again. "C'mon sweetie, I don't want you looking away---not when you're going to be so bad for me."

Shifting her gaze back up to the ceiling Buffy sighed deeply.

"Well, if it's going to be such a chore..."

"No, it won't be", she softly assured him, still trying to grapple with why it was so important to her to make him...happy?

Happy?

"Then why the long face babe?"

She wanted to make him happy. She wanted to make a creature like Angelus happy?

I like to watch because only then are you real.

Buffy lay silent for a moment before she lightly threw his words back at him. "Let's not bore each other with words."

"No problem here, babe, no problem at all."

There. That was familiar territory, mocking and taunting---Buffy could deal with that much better than the Angelus who momentarily sounded melancholy before turning angry. Angelus angry---yes, but Angelus melancholy?

Switching the view of the camera angle Angelus coolly smiled in appreciation at the sight of Buffy's nude body. Opening up the desk drawer he withdrew several pencils and a sketch pad. Settling himself in a more comfortable position he quickly flipped past several drawn sheets before stopping at a blank one.

With a leg propped up as support Angelus softly instructed Buffy to, "Spread you legs more widely." Waiting until she had done so he then said, "Now I want you to take one finger and trace those pretty lips of yours, but only on the outside."

He watched as Buffy lowered her head slightly before rebuking her with, "Nah-ah lover. Keep your eyes up."

Dimly he realized that his voice was taking on a more authoratative tone, the coaxing softness of his words disappearing with each second. Even so, Buffy continued to respond and that was all that mattered to him in that moment.

He noticed the small shudder that went through her body when she began touching herself. Smiling in satisfaction his hand began to move across the paper, the dark lines showing very little recognizable form. But soon they would join together, creating a picture all of Angelus' making...much like Buffy would be.

"Does that feel nice lover?"

She nodded her head once, the sharpness of her eyes hazing just a bit.

"Good. That's so good. But I want you to tell me---how does it feel?" When she answered without hesitation Angelus ruthlessly smiled.

"I-I feel...it feels nice...sorta tickles...like an itch that feels so good when it's scratched..." Her voice ended in a sigh as her fingers traveled much lower.

"Hmmm, let's see if I can help you scratch that itch even more. I want you to take your hand and just touch your neck---no not that one, let that one stay there---no, the other one. Just touch your neck lover."

Flicking his gaze back down to his pad Angelus observed the concert of charcoal slashing across the pristine paper canvas. He studied the arch of Buffy's neck as she touched her skin, rubbing it with greater force as the moments carried on.

"Just your fingertips Buff, I want you to just let your nails scratch across your skin. Not too hard---just as if they were barely there. Yeah, that's right babe, just like that."

With great pleasure he saw when her body jumped as her fingers lightly raked across her jugular. Her nipples tightened in response just as a tingle rippled through his own body. Angelus' fangs grew at the memory of relishing Buffy's blood.

"What do you want now?", he darkly asked.

Buffy let out a moan in answer as she continued to allow her fingers to caress the strong pulse of blood.

"Buuufff---what's making you so hot?"

Twisting her shoulders Buffy panted, "I like it when you bite me."

Capturing the pose of her chest with his nimble fingers Angelus murmured, "And what makes you think of that now?"

"My neck...the blood...my fingers..."

Making a lusty sound Angelus decided to turn things up a notch. "Alright sweetheart," he softly said, the seductiveness of his voice calling all to well to his little mistress, "why don't you go ahead and part those pretty lips of yours and play?"

Buffy knew that Angelus' sweetheart meant about as much as his lover, darling, baby, and babe did but it felt so nice to hear. She was being a fool to care so much, but Buffy found that she liked hearing him say that to her. No matter how tiny of a reminder it seemed, the way he had said sweetheart made Buffy remember a time when things had been different.

When Angel loved her.

Angel's gone and it's all my fault.

Buffy's heart gave a lurch as the pain flooded her once again. Things could be so different now, but they weren't and all because she had forced the issue. If only she hadn't given into her impassioned desires...now it seemed that desire was all she had left.

The desire that Angelus had for her and she for him was the mocking tribute they gave to the great love of Buffy and Angel.

It was all she had left of him and Buffy could not let that go. She did belong to Angelus, not because he said so, but because he was all she had left. By giving herself pleasure, but allowing him to dictate the way she experienced it, she could hear him praise her, she could hear him say sweetheart.

It was pathetic and Buffy knew it.

Angelus leaned forward and pressed a small button until it zoomed in on Buffy's face. This is interesting. Subtle they were but the near-imperceptible lines of sorrow bespoke of a deep pain. She looked so incredibly heart-broken that Angelus quickly knew the reason if not the cause.

Angel.

Great ominous emotions battled within Angelus as the fact of her grief registered. Malicious joy clashed with unreasonable fury. He wanted her to think of Angel. He needed her to writhe in the throes of self-hatred. His whole seduction of the slayer depended on her going through the mental agony of fucking her demon while loving her angel.

But not here.

Only Angelus existed here. Not Angel, not their watered-downed, glossed over version of love, but this. The hunger and lust that he caused was all she needed. Let her grieve in her own space, her own life.

Not here.

She wants to cry, he furiously thought when he caught the sheen of tears in Buffy's eyes, I'll give her a goddamned reason to cry. I'll give her so much of a reason to cry that she'll do it in bucket fulls.

Despite the clamoring of his muderous impulses Angelus kept his voice carefully modulated. It was critical that he remain in control of this. "Why the wait Buff? Don't you remember how much fun you were having?"

Drawing in a shaky breath Buffy could feel herself folding away the pain, much like a piece of clothing. Carefully folding each piece of it until it was small and compact---God, she was getting so used to it! Tucking it away in the drawer of her heart she placed the pain of Angel and all that she had caused. Shifting her legs in the sweetly-scented water Buffy idly listened to the gentle lapping, forcing herself to focus on the present.

Allowing her arms to float she slid under the water, while keeping her eyes open. I want to do this. It's all I have left of him. The view of her world was murky with moments of clarity, the water distorting the lines of the ceiling until it barely resembled one. If she was a poetic sort Buffy would say that it fit her perception of what she was doing with Angelus now.

Abruptly lifting her head out of the water Buffy raised her arms and pushed back the dripping locks of hair. She was hardly being bad for him; perhaps if she remembered just the lust, if she could picture the hedonistic passion, then she'd be able to summon her carnal side completely...

"You've gotten shy on me again Slayer."

"Maybe a little."

"That's a shame, shyness can be such a drag sometimes---don't you agree Buff?"

She could feel a flush pinken her cheeks. Angelus threw down his challenge, reminding her without direct words what this game was all about.

Buffy was ready to rise up to the challenge and position herself to play.

Slowly she slid her hand down her stomach, pausing only briefly when she reached the juncture between her thighs, before lightly tugging on her curls. She could immediately feel the quickening of her blood as the forbidden excitement began to build.

"Grab your tit", he crudely ordered.

Hesitating only once Buffy gently squeezed her breast while her fingers found their way inside.

Although she WAS still shy about pleasuring herself Buffy found it easier each time to feel what her body liked. As the hand between her legs began to move faster and more insistently she found that her nipple also enjoyed the attention of being squeezed. The harder she pinched the more exquisite her enjoyment became.

And the sound of Angelus telling her to, "Pinch your nipple like I do" definitely heightened the thrill.

Arching her neck Buffy felt her eyes close until they were barely slits. The sweet scent of her jasmine soap suddenly hit her, heightening the pleasure of her senses. Sliding two slender fingers within her, Buffy angled her hand so that with each stroke her palm brushed directly against her clit.

"Feels good to finger yourself, doesn't it?"

"Oh...yes..."

"Is it enough?"

"Hmm..."

"Do you want to cum?"

Moving her hand more insistently Buffy feverishly worked to bring forth the delicious sensations that she knew her body could experience. Unconsciously the hand on her breast began to rhythmically squeeze and release, alternating between the entire mound of firm flesh and the rouched sensitivity of her nipple.

The heat of the water combined with the growing needs of Buffy's body to cover her face with a misty sheen of sweat. The warm inner flesh clung to her fingers, so softly yet so hungrily. The tight ache elusively touched her, the beginnings of an orgasm beckoning, heightening Buffy's excitement before becoming lost again.

A giddy smile passed over her face when the ache visited again, this time building upon itself until Buffy knew without a doubt that she was going to taste ecstacy. Her hips worked upwards while her whole hand rapidly maintained its delicious duty of keeping with her body's needs.

"Don't cum Buff."

The words meant very little to Buffy, not more than just a barely audible whisper in her ear. She was too far-gone in her own hunger to put any coherent meaning to Angelus' coldly spoken words.

"Stop finger-fucking yourself."

The intense waves that signaled what she desperately wanted started rolling through her as she spread her legs even more widely.

"Don't you dare fucking cum lover."

Yes! Buffy's body tightened upon itself, every sense pulsing and pounding as the passion tore through her. Wordlessly she arched, her eyes closing while the whole world centered on the flesh between her thighs.

Suddenly she felt a mouth over hers, swallowing all of her soundless cries. Quickly she wrapped her arms around Angelus' naked back and pressed her wet, hot body against his cool one. Hungrily they fed off each other, Angelus' tongue sliding decadently against her own. Wrapping his arms around her waist he pulled her up even more tightly against him.

Hazily Buffy felt her blood sing for Angelus, the throb of her neck growing with each beat. She knew that he had to hear the call of her heart, tempting him to do what his nature wanted. Her blood was calling to him, forcing her to curl her nails into little claws against his bare skin.

Suddenly Buffy felt Angelus tunnel his hands through her now-tangled hair, pulling it back harshly and forcing her to look into his cruel gaze.

"You came." A smirk lifted the corner of his beautiful mouth before he continued, "You were so bad, weren't you lover?"

"Yes," she sighed, the word sounding wanton even to her own ears.

"I like you being bad..."

Swallowing thickly Buffy tried to regain sense over herself, trying to find the ability to communicate with words. "I thought you would." He had lasted longer than she thought he would. Despite being recently sated she wanted him inside her and wished that he had not waited until now to come to her. While it was nice knowing she could take care of her own pleasure, the feeling of Angelus' smooth, cold cock inside her could never be replicated.

"I like you being bad---but not like that." Reaching out with his tongue he wickedly licked the curve of her mouth, smirking when Buffy's open mouth tried to follow him. He could smell her arousal and it whetted his hunger for her. Tempted as he was to ease his body with her delectable one, now was not the time.

Now was the time to teach her not to defy him.

Now.

His gently spoken words and the maddened fury in his eyes sent a warning to her. "W-what?" was all Buffy was able to get out before being viciously slapped and then ruthlessly pulled along by the steel grip of Angelus' hand on her upper arm.

Her face was on fire and her arm felt as if it were going to give at any moment beneath the unrelenting pressure of his hand. Buffy was too shocked to really understand what was happening to her until she felt the cold, iron manacles encircling her wrists. All too quickly she felt her arms being pulled up over her head, forcing her feet to arch up.

Pulling the chains back solidly Buffy did not feel the metal give way. Looking up she saw that the chains were secured by the metal ironwork adorning the wall. "You son-of-a-bitch!"

Quickly walking up to her he delivered another blow to her cheek, this one meant to sting not to daze. "I've told you about that mouth Buff---you will talk like a lady." Turning away from her he threw over his shoulder, "Or at the very least you'll act like one when you're not on your back. Then---you can sound much like the whore you are."

Infuriated by passions that went beyond lust Buffy gave the chains another mighty tug but was rewarded with only the clank of the metal hitting against the wall. Craning her head up she saw that she was hung very near the mammoth fireplace. The flames had yet to completely devour the wood so it was still licking and dancing along the charred logs.

Shifting her legs Buffy looked over her shoulder and saw Angelus sitting in a high-backed chair. Growling in fury she pulled back once before spitting, "What do you think you're doing?"

Lounging with negligent grace Angelus smoothly answered, "That should be pretty obvious lover."

"Chains and Slayer do not make for a turned-on girl," she warned while the fire of fury grew brighter and brighter within her eyes.

"Like I care," he bluntly replied.

Giving another violent tug Buffy said with a hard edge to her voice, "Who keeps something like this in their room? What's your deal Angelus?"

"What did you think it was---a sconce?" Chuckling darkly Angelus then asked with malicious charm oozing from each word, "C'mon sweetie---you really aren't surprised are you? I mean, did you just think I'd be satisfied with the crop?"

Fear settled heavily in her stomach. He can't mean to... "Damn you! What did I do?!" she yelled before giving thought to exposing her weakness.

Rubbing his chin lightly Angelus murmured, "What did you do? Hmmm...there's so much, really there is." Sighing heavily he finally answered, "I told you not to cum."

"What?!" Gazing in wide-eyed disbelief Buffy exclaimed, "Like that's something you can control! It happened!"

"It happened. Well, then I'm sure you'll understand that this is something I can't control either." Lithely standing up Angelus allowed the object in his hand to uncoil while watching Buffy's face immediately drain of color. Giving his arm a swing he ruthlessly smiled at the wicked crackle that pierced the air. "It's just going to happen---but I know you'll understand E-X-A-C-T-L-Y what I mean." When Buffy grabbed both chains in her hands and began to pull on them in earnest Angelus made a playful chastising sound. "Darling you should stop that. Your wrists will start bleeding---oh, I guess it's too late for that."

Stalking closer to his chained mistress Angelus purred, "Now why did you go and do that for? Afterall, it's not your wrists that I want to bleed..."

Buffy could feel the warm, wet blood trickle down her forearms before dripping off onto the hard floor beneath her bare feet. Her mind could hardly register what Angelus planned on doing to her. This can't be happening, she blankly thought. I'm not just some girl---I'm the Slayer. Why am I here?

"Because I want you to be." The smug, softness of his voice whispered in Buffy's ear, causing her to jerk away from him. Before she could be shocked by the possibility of him reading her mind, Buffy realized that she had spoken the last of her thoughts out loud. "I don't care WHAT you want!", she furiously hissed.

The wicked chuckle he gave in return was only surpassed by his assured statement of, "You're also here because deep down you want to be."

"You don't know me---if you did you wouldn't say something so stupid," Buffy stated in the coldest tone she could muster while feeling completely vulnerable. Every sense was on pained alert, for once the ever-present desire she carried for him dampened by the stark fear that ran in her veins. She could not break free from the chains; they had yet to even shift from their steadfast position on the wall.

A strong, cool arm snaked around her waist, forcing her nude body back against Angelus' bare chest. "I'd beg to differ Buff," he began, the taunt so evident in his unpleasant voice. "You see---I know you SO well. In fact," he huskily drawled, "I bet that I know you even better than Angel-boy ever did."

Buffy let out a growl of rage, hating to hear what he believed---and perhaps in the deepest recesses of her mind, scared that maybe he was right.

She felt him take his hand and slowly slide it across the skin of her chest before reaching up and gripping her chin. Lifting it up he forced her head back against him while still keeping his other arm wrapped around Buffy's small waist. She could feel the end of the harsh, tightly braided whip brush against her recoiling body, teasing and taunting her skin much like the wielder did.

Forced to look up into Angelus' ebony gaze Buffy watched his mouth lift in the insolent, mocking smirk that she despised. "I know that he NEVER would've thought that you liked being beat." Chuckling at the fire that leapt across her clear gaze he drawled, "Lucky for me I had a feeling about you babe."

Violently Buffy jerked against him, gritting her teeth when she couldn't get away. "I don't get off on getting beat!"

"No?" Arching a thick brow Angelus smartly asked, "So what do you think we've been doing the last several hours in my bed?"

"Creatively fucking," she bluntly answered, furious and hurt because she knew he was right. Granted, her liking the way Angelus used the crop against her skin wasn't exactly being massaged, but hearing it put in those terms made Buffy feel tawdry.

And tawdry was not an emotion she was prepared to feel tonight.

"Darling, getting hit until you bruise IS getting beat. Although it's not as much fun as it could be---now that you heal so quickly." Taking an unnecessary deep breath Angelus complained, "Slayer you just find a way to take the joy out of everything, don't you?"

"I didn't ask you to bite me asshole." Buffy could feel his body tighten; she knew he was furious because of her unladylike speech. Fuck him. She was tired of the baiting, she was just so TIRED of all this. The constant fight, the continuous tight rope act between this life and her other...

It was too much.

And it'd only been about a week when the battlefield shifted from the hard, gritty surface of the streets to the unforgiving, silken prison of his bed.

Sighing heavily again Angelus mused, "You fight me---you lose. You keep yourself away from me---I find a way inside. You talk like a slut---I treat you like one." Tightening his hold on her waist he smiled when her breath hitched. "You know how things play here baby, I've made sure to let you in. So like I said---you like it Buff. If you didn't...you wouldn't push me to it." Laughing nastily he sneered, "So who's the stupid one...Slayer?

"Stupid?", she all but growled. "That's what every sadistic head case tells himself. But then you're so full of yourself aren't you...lover?" Buffy allowed her words to end in an insulting drawl, satisfied when she saw the tightening in his jaw. This was beyond everything that she was willing to accept! No matter how foolish it might appear for her to show spirit now, especially in light of her being in chains, Buffy did not care.

Besides, it seemed that this was the role she was meant to play. When the odds were against her that's when her spirit chose to surface---too bad it never seemed to show up before the event that led her into having stacked odds.

Like now.

She should've just went home. She should've never thought that she could control her own atonement by making him happy. Angelus would always make himself happy at her expense, not with her aid. And now it appeared that chaining her up and whipping her was on his happy agenda.

Why the hell didn't she get her "Whip the Slayer" memo?

While a strong part of her prayed that he would not use the whip that continously brushed against her shrinking body, another part of her did. If Angelus plied the biting leather against her naked flesh, Buffy would find another reason to hate him. As long as she hated him, she could not be hurt.

As long as she could not be hurt, she could not wish for love.

"Make me mad lover, that's okay. It still doesn't change a T-H-I-N-G." Leaning down while keeping a firm grip of Buffy's chin, Angelus laid a soft kiss on her forehead. "Before this night is through I'll have you at my feet Buff." Laughing delightedly at the narrowing of her eyes Angelus abruptly said, "But first things first."

Buffy felt the a whisper of air slide down her back, letting her know that Angelus no longer stood right behind her. Gripping the length of chain above the manacles with both of her hands she focused her scattered energy and gave a mighty tug.

Nothing except for fresh rivulets of blood snaking down her wrists.

Hanging, suspended in air, Buffy closed her eyes and leaned her head back. He would pay. Oh, he would pay for this and for everything else he'd done. He would pay. She would suffer this humiliation like she suffered all the others, perhaps she'd end up losing control and falling into him, but she would not forget this.

She would not forget this.

Starting when she felt a hand lightly caress her bottom, Buffy then managed to hold herself still and stare straight ahead when his hand smartly smacked her rounded cheek. She had expected to feel the excruciating bite of the whip tear into her skin, not this playful hit.

She should have known better.

Angelus continued to amuse himself by alternating his spanks, first one side and then the other. Studiously she ignored the uncomfortably pleasant sensations his hand produced, instead choosing to intently study each subtle crack in the wall. Angelus paused in his ministrations to gently kiss Buffy's neck, savoring the hatred she felt and the helplessness she placed upon herself.

When Angelus sensed her body had relaxed just the tiniest bit, he quickly opened his mouth widely before ferociously biting down. The fierceness of his fanged invasion tore through Buffy, forcing her to clench her eyes shut while her own mouth opened in a muted cry. Greedily he drank in her blood, wrapping his arm firmly around her waist while tightly squeezing one breast with his hand.

Behind her closed lids Buffy felt as if she could see the night exploding. The blood relentlessly drummed through her system, coursing and rushing to the open wound on her shoulder, eager to nourish the monster that fed off her. As much as she wanted to fight against it, as much as she would refuse her body pleasure, Buffy could feel it coming. The whole of her world seemed to bleed away as sensation centered upon this moment.

A moment that was one of crimson blood and black lust, a lust as black as the whip that wisped from his tightly clenched hand.

The lazy, gentle swaying of his malicious toy touched her body, giving an added sense of pained sensation that hurt so only because it actually heightened the pleasure that was growing steadily within Buffy's womb.

Tightening without coherent thought Buffy strained against her bonds and laid her head back against Angelus' naked chest. The culmination of her traitorous passions centered on the violation of his fangs and the thoroughness of his kiss. The flames of her fury grew alongside the fire of her hunger until the two melded into one tumultuous explosion.

"Ahhh! Ahhhhh!" Buffy wailed, the sheer ecstacy taking control of her.

With a growl of satiation Angelus pulled away from his lover, the magic of her blood already humming through his lifeless form. It was a drug, this blood of her hers.

Her blood, Slayer's blood, flew through his veins, coloring a world that smelled of her. Angelus' mouth opened slightly, the stain of her liquid marring the perfect paleness of his cheek. Gathering control of his blood-induced high, Angelus looked at Buffy.

Her body hung slightly slumped, the absolute satiation she felt apparent by the waves of sweet arousal that came his way. Golden hair rippled down her back, the dried masses shining brightly while reflecting the shades of fire and night amidst the sun. The back she presented held no flaws; the line and curve of her teasing him to make his mark.

Almost time.

I can't do it just yet. She's not ready for me. I'm almost there...

The demon rose and howled, wanting to give into baser instincts without thought nor consequence. Only Angelus' determined patience kept him from raising his hand and unleashing a torrent of blows that would surely drive Buffy down to her knees if she wasn't chained.

Mentally disposing of his hungered images, Angelus' eyes were drawn down to her pert bottom. While he was partial to a bit more flesh Angelus decided that the way Buffy was shaped suited her perfectly---well almost. Circling to the side he studied her bowed head and rapidly expanding chest. Catching the impressions of bone through delicately covered skin Angelus frowned.

She had definitely lost some weight.

Cruelly smiling he attested it to losing tepid love and gaining his tender affections.

Five pounds...maybe closer to ten to fill her out. Along with tutoring her in history and instructing her sexually, Angelus was now responsible for making sure she gained weight.

Were his duties never to end?

Sauntering over to her still form Angelus fitted his back against her and purred. He could feel her body begin to awaken from its post-orgasmic semi-slumber. Lazily licking the closed wound Angelus' cock tightened in anticipation of making the Slayer writhe in pained ecstacy. She hated the chains without a doubt. She hated him before his bit of snacking and she would undoubtedly feel even more hatred now.

But she would feel pleasure in his hand---of that Angelus had full confidence.

Pulling away from his mistress Angelus then proceeded to pick up where he had left off. Thoroughly he began to spank her, alternating the pressure of his hand until he knew that Buffy had no way of steeling herself against him. The chamber's cavernous state and impressively high ceilings reflected back the obscene sounds of his hand hitting her flesh.

The flames of the ever-growing fire splashed the room with a chaotic palette of burnt amber and radiant yellow, painting Buffy's skin with luminesence while shrouding her demon lover in shades of night. The myriad paintings that adorned the expansive walls all appeared to look down with muted sorrow as the game between Slayer and Vampire progressed.

"You have a beautiful ass Buff."

Smack.

"I love to see how my handprint stands out against your skin."

Smack

"But you know what I love more?"

Smack

"I love to hear you cry."

SMACK

Buffy's body unwillingly arched with the force of the last strike, her breasts rising up higher will her calves protested from the weight of standing so rigidly. The smugness of his tone grated her, making her wish that she could deny him his loves. But it was too late---she could already feel the prickling of tears behind her closed lids.

It wasn't because of pain and it wasn't because of sadness---it was because of anger.

Once again while Angelus had been spanking her bottom Buffy began to feel her wretched desire. Not because she wanted to, but because it seemed that no matter how it happened, if Angelus touched her, she wanted him. Her body wanted him with a terrifying hunger that feasted on itself, growing beyond the limits of her anger and control.

"C'mon baby---cry for me. Just a little." Angelus' voice throatily purred in Buffy's ear while his hand tightly squeezed one briefly reddened cheek.

It shamed her how she had writhed in explosive pleasure while he fed off of her body. In chains no less. How could her passion betray her this way? How come the force of her fury and hatred were not enough to make her body cold, immune to his sharp kiss and wicked hand?

Unfortunately for Buffy a traitorous tear made it's lonely journey down her flushed cheek. "Oh, that's what I want to see," Angelus gloated. He leaned forward and licked the tear, taking Buffy's misery into his own body.

"Enjoy it while you can," Buffy hotly spat from clenched teeth, furious that for all her body's strengths and abilities she still could not control her tears.

"Oh I will Slayer---you can count on it."

Moving his hand from her bottom Angelus slowly slid it around her hip before resting it on the silky hair between Buffy's thighs. Although she shifted to close her legs tightly together Buffy was too late. Two fingers sensuously made their way between, parting her dampened flesh to possessively rest inside.

"Well what do we have here?", he teasingly purred next to her ear. Stubbornly she remained silent, choosing instead to resume her practice of staring straight ahead at the wall.

"What? No witty quip?" Angelus smiled ruthlessly against her neck as he began to lazily kiss Buffy's dampened skin. She thought that she would be able to ignore him. Not a chance.

"You're all wet for me darling---dare I ask why?" He heard her heartbeat began to quicken in rhythm. No doubt it was due to angered lust, not fear.

Shifting his hand Angelus was able to smoothly slide his fingers inside of Buffy. She inhaled quickly before she could stop herself, thereby granting him another triumph. Slowly yet firmly Angelus began to pull his fingers out before pushing them back into her heat. Standing behind her he listened to her body, rejoicing in all that it sang. Beneath his body he could feel hers stiffen and not with rage.

Buffy fixedly stared at a tiny groove of the wall, desperate to focus on the way that it resembled the letter "S". She was losing the battle. The longer Angelus played with her, the longer he kept her in this suspense, the less control she had over her senses---over her will. Even now she was beginning to lose some of the indignant fire of rage against Angelus for chaining her.

Instead he was pulling her emotions to those of thick, sweet pleasure.

When it felt like he added a third digit Buffy lost the strangle-hold control of her voice and moaned a tiny sound of passion.

She could feel him run his hand firmly over her naked body, fondling any part of her that pleased him. She was his toy, his very own fuck-toy---his to abuse, his to pet.

And she couldn't stop him. A part of her believed she deserved it for losing Angel. The other part wanted it.

Enraged by her own thoughts Buffy jerked away from him, pulling her body closer to the unforgiving wall. "What are you waiting for? Just fucking DO IT!" Instantly closing her eyes with frustration she silently cursed herself for being a fool. Now instead of perhaps boring him into either dropping the idea of whipping her or just getting it over with, she herself had just given him another weapon to use.

The next moment shocked Buffy into opening her eyes and mouthing the word No.

"Alright darling, I believe you've waited long enough." Shifting his wrist Angelus pulled the leather handle out of his mistress' body, noting the gleaming wetness that coated the black leather with satisfaction. Seeing the stiffening of her back he wolfishly observed, "I take it you didn't know that you were using my whip as a dildo." Leaning forward he confided, "I aim to please my Slayer in all things---even though you don't deserve it."

"Please me?" she croaked in disbelief, hardly able to come to terms with what he had just been doing. How was it she didn't even notice?

"Of course! Or has all my affections not been noticed?", he questioned in a dangerous voice.

Shutting her eyes in momentary defeat Buffy whispered, "You're sick Angelus. Completely insane."

Pulling away from her body Angelus' eyes narrowed as he coldly bit out, "Sick maybe. Insane definitely." Mockingly laughing he lamented, "I HAD to be insane to even think that you'd ever appreciate anything I do for you."

Twisting her head to the side Buffy asked in a shocked voice, "What you do for me?! What have you ever done for me Angelus except torment me, bully me, and made my life hell?"

Rushing her he quickly had his fist intertwined with her thick, blonde hair. Pulling her head back he snarled, "Pleasure Slayer! I've given you the most mind-numbing pleasure that you've ever experienced!"

"At what cost?! My soul?"

"What soul? The soul that tells you to be a good little heroine or the soul that tells you that you belong to me?", he caustically spit out.

"There's just one kind Angelus. One." Buffy murmured in disgust, "You wouldn't understand."

"What? Because I'm a demon?" Pushing her head against the wall Angelus growled, "Let me tell you something Slayer: I've seen more about Heaven and Hell than you have, than you can even possibly IMAGINE. You want to have a theological debate---bring it on baby. But don't even think to lecture me on the subject of souls because believe me---I'm an expert in the subject."

Silently she stood there, not having an answer nor really feeling the need for one. His body was pressed tightly against her own once more and Buffy's body began to respond.

She wanted it.

God damnit! Buffy thought in despair.

She could feel the thickness of his erection through the low-slung linen pants he wore. The coolness of his flesh deliciously contrasted against the heat of her own. Oh I don't want this. Not now.

He could smell her, she knew it. Why was she responding like this now when she didn't before? He wasn't touching her sexually, in fact she could have been an opponent that he had just bested.

She was still in chains, he still held a whip that was wet from her body, and he was mad as hell. It didn't make sense.

Narrowing his eyes until they became near slits Angelus furiously stared at the back of Buffy's head. She had found a way under his armor of control again. There had been no performance of carefully practiced words and phrases just now. Buffy had pricked him into honesty by still not understanding what this was all about. Pleasure. Hedonistic pleasure that made this life bearable. Why couldn't she see that?

It was unsettling how quickly he had lost control. And to top it all off she had to start with her idiotic talk of souls.

Loosening his grip of her hair Angelus took several steps back. This loss of his was simple to understand. It had to be because the subject of souls was one that bored him immensely---that was all. After being buried under Angel for nearly a century the s-word was a bad one. He really couldn't be blamed.

Testing the air with his heightened senses Angelus could feel and smell Buffy's arousal. Now this was interesting. For all his practiced seduction her response system had been a trifle bit slow. No doubt it had to do with the chains but still---it had been slower. Now was something familiar.

Buffy was much like a bitch in heat, no matter how much she wanted to control it. Humorlessly smiling Angelus felt a moment of kinship with the Slayer. She hated the loss of control as badly as he did. Only difference between them was that he was better at keeping the control firmly in his court. If she had the ability to live a couple of centuries Angelus would bet his finest antique weapon that she would be just as good as he was.

What a ridiculous line of thinking. A Slayer living forever? Not a chance.

Roughly pulling the waistband of pants lower Angelus reached in and pulled his erection out. Allowing the whip to clang harmlessly to the floor he began to pump his cock, silently debating on how he was going to take her. Pleasure. That's what all this was really about. Different avenues, different flavors, but in the end it all led to pleasure.

HIS pleasure most importantly.

Stalking towards Buffy Angelus bent down and roughly grabbed her thighs, wrenching them far apart. Lithely standing up with her body opened widely he quickly thrust inside her.

Buffy's mouth fell open as the obscene pleasure raced throughout, scorching her senses with wicked passion. Angelus's body hammered hers from behind, while his grip on her thighs were bruising. She could feel each decadent slide of his cock stretch her insides, while the animalistic growls he emitted echoed loudly in her ears.

Damn him. Goddamn him to Hell for having this effect on me, Buffy thought before clenching her teeth together as she felt his hands' grip shift lower. All too soon she could feel the tips of his fingers brush through the wet curls to find her clit.

Damn her. May her God damn her to Hell for affecting me this way, Angelus thought as he continued to rub her, enjoying the moistness on his fingers while listening the slippery sounds of their bodies melding with each other.

Every thrust inside Buffy drowned Angelus in the pleasure he sought. There was no denying the passion their bodies felt for each other. The warmth of her body was slowly driving him to the edge. The way she smelled, the way she felt, the way she moaned---it was driving him to distraction.

She wanted it over with. Well so did he. Right now Angelus couldn't even begin to imagine anything beyond the slickly drenched moment of being inside Buffy's cunt. She belonged to him, more so than anyone he had ever made. With Druscilla and all the others like her, they ceased being themselves. They lost the essence of their souls, they lost the ability to feel any real pain.

Their bloody boxes no longer were bloody.

In Buffy he had her. It was her blood nourished him and flowed through his body. It was his cum that coated her insides. His kisses that she marked the end of her nights.

Dimly he watched her hands roughly wrap themselves about the links of chain. Quickly she began to pull herself up before letting down, aiding in their mating.

She loved it. She loved him taking possession of her body.

It wasn't enough.

She had to love him.

Angelus immediately felt a wave of disgust overtake him. Love. He had thought of her loving him and not in terms of her humiliation. Just in terms of her loving him.

Concentrating on pistoning his hips Angelus sought to drive away all thoughts by focusing on the fact that he was fucking the Slayer. That should be enough to give him a rush, to bring forth the satisfaction of knowing that not only could he get this close to her without battle, but that she wanted him.

She has to love me. I need her to love me.

No! Angelus did NOT need her to love him. He WANTED her to love him simply because it would be his final triumph before killing her. That was all. End of story.

Oh God, why does it have to be this way? Why can't he love me? Why can't he be like Angel?

Buffy's heart felt as if it had stopped in her chest. Love her? She did NOT need for him to love her. And how could she even begin to think of him in terms of "being like Angel"? For the first time Buffy had thought of having Angelus---with Angel qualities.

Why don't I just kill him and put myself out of this misery? Him being dead has got to be better than this. Even with such thoughts torturing her mind Buffy pushed her hips down, fully encasing his cold, male flesh.

Clenching his eyes shut from the maelstrom of passion that possessed them both Angelus growled deeply in his throat as he thought, Why don't I just kill her now? Why wait?

Pulling out of her he rejoiced at the soft sob of disappointment she gave. She hungered for him, chains or no chains. Twisting her body Angelus ignored her cry of surprise. I can't stand it, I can't stand even one moment of losing control.

Staring up into his darkly handsome face Buffy felt the chains pull, biting into her skin. The metal had broken the delicate tissue several times, only to heal just as quickly. The physical imprisonment of her body was nothing compared to the emotional.

Their eyes locked, his flaming with passioned fury, hers answering his emotions just as loudly. I hate him. It's all his fault. Angel should be here, not him.

Slamming into her body Angelus felt the hate burn through him, but it wasn't as strong as his passion. It's all her fault. He continued to look down into her eyes, watching them dilate with each of his thrusts. Her breasts scalded him, her succulent nipples burning two holes into his chest.

He can't do this to me. The rough wall scraped against Buffy's back as he pushed harder and harder. She could read the hatred in his face and she knew he could read the same in hers.

She can't do this to me. Her eyes held him hostage, the power of her steadily reflecting a deep abiding hatred. She hated him as much as he hated her. Yet that didn't stop her from moaning his name.

Yet it didn't stop him from driving his cock even deeper.

I'm stronger than this, than her. Just barely out of the line of vision Angelus could see her hands twisting upon themselves. Still staring deeply into Buffy's eyes he coldly smiled.

I have to be stronger than him. I have to be. That smile of his. So beautiful and so dangerous. Just like him.

I'll walk the earth long after the meat has rotted off her flesh and her bones have crumbled to dust. And it was true, but right now Buffy was alive. She was human. She belonged to him. His to cherish, his to destroy. Kill her. Kill her now.

The temptation slyly whispered in his mind, bringing with it visions of Buffy's drained body hangly limply from his chains. Keeping his gaze locked upon her own Angelus knew that she could see his midnight eyes change, the gold and green swirling together in a way that always fascinated her.

Kill her. Kill her. Kill her.

Abruptly pulling out of her body Angelus once again roughly turned her body so that it faced the wall. No. He wouldn't kill her. Not yet. Maybe not ever.

What the FUCK?!

HELL NO!!

This was not acceptable. It was enough that he would dirty his body by fucking her but no way was this going to be a thought to him.

Enraged beyond reason Angelus stalked over to the forgotten whip. Reaching down he quickly held it within his hand before rising. Pinning Buffy's body with an evilly determined glare he noticed that she was looking over her shoulder. When their eyes met there was a moment of nothingness.

For the tiniest of moments there was a chance to stop, to walk away from each other and never look back.

If I kill her...

If I kill him...

The air grew thick with a chance of fate, the passage of time slowing just a bit to give the two players a chance to declare an opportunity for a different life.

For only the tiniest of moments...

Then it was done. There could be no turning back.

With a smirk firmly in place Angelus strolled closer to Buffy before stopping several feet away. "There can be pleasure in this too Buff."

Bitterly smiling Buffy kept her gaze upon his, knowing that there would be another mark upon her soul tonight. He could make her enjoy it, she knew it. No matter how repellent it was to her mind, she KNEW that he could make her like it.

Finally she answered. "Maybe Angelus--- for now. But I will make you pay."

A tremor of disquiet ran through Angelus' body as a tiny part of him recognized the truth of her words. Shrugging it aside he casually replied, "You can try." Then the time for words was done.

Turning her head back to the wall Buffy braced herself for the first blow. She heard the snake-like whisper of the wind a split-second before the whip cracked across her back. Arching slightly Buffy let out a hiss. The burn throbbed briefly before another blow landed.

The punishment ensued with each crack of the whip until Buffy's body was one cohesive unit of pain. His pace was relentless, barely allowing one welt to heal before putting another one in its place. After the first slip Buffy did not let another sound pass her lips. While her arms tensed unbearably and the stiffening of every muscle in her body made it hurt worse, she could not give Angelus the pleasure of her voice.

Not like this.

When he used the crop she could feel that no matter how twisted it was, there was a connection of sorts between them. Her body was with his and they both received their own depraved pleasure. She still believed that if Angelus wanted her to enjoy this wickedness he could make her, but as the minutes went by Buffy understood that he DID NOT want her to feel delight at all.

He wanted to punish her. This hurt her more than anything else tonight.

I can't hurt! I have to stop the hurt. The more I hurt, the more I want love from him. NO!!!! I don't want love from that demon! I have to shut down. If I can stop the hurt, I can stop myself from wanting more. I just won't care.

I---just---won't---care.

Immediately Angelus sensed what Buffy was doing.

"Do you remember the time you kicked me in the balls Buff?", he pleasantly asked, pausing in his task of punishment.

Buffy stoically stared straight ahead, barely flinching when Angelus' hand wrenched her head back. "I asked you a question. Kindly answer it." He spoke with the dangerous, purring softness that always alerted her to how furious he was.

"Yes," she tonelessly answered, keeping her vision trained on the ceiling rather than looking into his coldly handsome face.

"Why did you do it?"

Buffy played with the idea of being stubbornly silent but then decided that at this point it would serve her no purpose. "Because you were my enemy." 'And I didn't want to end up here, although God knows I could never have really imagined this.'

"Were?", he asked with cunning softness, his grip still firmly holding her hair.

Finally tearing her gaze from the mural on the ceiling Buffy met his eyes. "Are."

Arching a brow slightly Angelus proceeded to query, "But how did we end up in the middle of the road with you sprawled over my lap?"

Not wanting to remember those memories Buffy said without the least bit of heat, "I think you remember as well as I."

Instead of sharply tugging on her hair, Angelus began to massage her scalp with his strong, capable fingers. "Yes, I do. I remember you were a bitch in heat for Halburn. If I hadn't come along I bet you would have opened, " Angelus paused slightly while caressing the inside of her thighs with the whip, enjoying the tiny cringe her body betrayed along with the flutter of her heartbeat before resuming with, "your legs for him."

Buffy's eyes began to cloud with the emotion. Fear, wariness, rage, and hurt swirled quickly within the depths before becoming shuttered.

"Wouldn't you have?!", he suddenly shouted in her face, furious once more that she was attempting to hide herself away from him.

Defiantly Buffy remained silent. She was tired. She just wanted to go home. She just wanted to crawl into her bed and sleep. On a distant level she could feel her insides turning colder, shutting everything down. Anything she said would be wrong anyways. She just needed Angelus to tell her what was right and then she'd repeat it.

That's the way it always ended anyways.

It was her fault. Not his.

A part of her soul shrieked in outrage as Buffy's train of thoughts continued.

That's not true! It's not your fault! Where is your strength?! Is this what Giles, Willow, and Xander have put their necks on the line time and time again for?

For a split-second Buffy felt herself rouse before abruptly losing focus. What strength? she silently jeered herself. It IS my fault. Angel is gone because of me. I'm the one who pushed for it. I'm the one who wanted to become a woman. This is the price I pay. I deserve it all. I betray them all by wanting Angelus so badly. I did it to save them at first, but now I do it because I'm obsessed.

I'm obsessed.

Furiously pulling away from Buffy Angelus once again resumed his whipping, only this time he punctuated each strike with a hatefully spoken accusation.

WHIP

"No matter how much you want to act otherwise, you're a whore Buffy Summers."

WHIP

"A fucking, hypocritical WHORE!"

WHIP

"I can never let you out of my sight, can I?"

WHIP

"The minute I do---you flaunt that little tail of yours to the first sucker who's hard-up."

WHIP

"Look what I had to do to Halburn...because of you."

WHIP

"But that wasn't enough for you!"

WHIP

"Then you played the tease with me!"

WHIP

"Made me think I was going to get some then you have the stupidity to kick me in the balls!"

WHIP

"I told you I'd make you pay," Angelus stated in a smug voice.

WHIP

"Then you had to go and lace your house with holy water and crosses."

WHIP

"Did you know that I planned on fucking you that night?" Laughing nastily Angelus answered his own question. "Of course you did. That's why you finally did it."

WHIP

"That night I promised myself I'd make you pay."

WHIP

"I don't think you've worked off your debt yet. But don't worry---we'll see it through together." Pausing in his work Angelus observed Buffy's reddened back. Despite his fury he stayed his hand with the skill that had been honed through the years. Not one of his marks had yet to even break her skin. He was not interested in drawing her blood yet.

Yet.

Reaching out with his senses he could feel the cage of ice melting away from Buffy. The pain of her punishment had not been enough. It was only with the true combination of his hand and voice that he was wearing down her will.

Running his eyes over her rigid form he could see the muscles in her legs and arms quiver from the force of holding themselves so still. It was as if she believed that as long as she could hold herself, she could keep him away.

WHIP

"Do you remember how you broke my kneecap and arm Buff?"

WHIP

"That just wasn't the loving thing to do, was it?"

WHIP

"I'm feeling generous..."

WHIP

"Just two more..."

WHIP

"Then we're..."

WHIP

"Even!"

WHIP

Pausing in his work Angelus approached Buffy. Smoothing the tangled blonde hair he then wiped the sweat that dotted her forehead. With his lips against her ear he savagely whispered, "Then what did you do? You broke my doors with your foolish stubborness." Abruptly pulling away he then continued with his merciless mission.

WHIP

"You caused all that ruckus and where did you end up staying?"

WHIP

"In my bed---like I wanted."

Buffy's body began to tremble. She started drawing in breath after breath until she was in a near-pant. The sting of Angelus' whip hurt but no where near to being unbearable. Her body had taken worse, mostly from him in their previous battles, but it was his words that were undoing her.

Logically she knew that what he was saying was not the complete truth. She had not wanted to sleep with Jeff Halburn. She did not consciously flaunt herself in front of other men. He deserved to be kicked in the balls---at the very least. She had every right to protect herself from him with the use of holy water and crosses. If he got broken bones from battle, then it was his problem. She didn't go complaining to him over every black eye, fracture, or split lip she received from him, did she? And no one told him to break down the doors when she locked him out. That was his call.

What logic could not combat against was the accusation of being a whore.

Buffy had given him her body and even accepted and proclaimed his ownership of her. He was a ruthless, sadistic demon that made no apologies for what he was and she still wanted him. He had even transformed her into something that was not what she had been gifted with---did it keep her from craving him?

Absolutely not.

He took her anyway he wanted to and she found ecstacy. He manipulated her whole world and she did not turn away. While the threat over her friends lives was still open, Buffy could not pretend that it was the foremost thought in her mind. That was not the reason for her passion for him.

Her passion could only stem because regardless of what the world saw, deep down she was a whore. Only a whore could want him, despite his crimes against the world, against Angel.

She had never wanted to be with Jeff, nor Paul the waiter, but Angelus was right---as soon as his back was turned where did he find her? With another man. Look at how quickly she had betrayed Angel.

And she had loved him with all her heart.

Why wouldn't she do it to Angelus? Afterall, maybe it was just in her nature... Her thoughts ground to halt when the outside world intruded again.

WHIP

"And let's not forget about our good friend Paul! You know what Buff---you're just like her. Just like Fiona."

WHIP

"You were so hot for him, weren't you?"

WHIP

"Answer me whore."

Swallowing thickly Buffy could feel the nothingness that had taken over before, slowly disappear. As long as she felt nothing, she was safe. Now she wasn't. "No," she whispered in a tiny voice.

WHIP

"No what?", he asked in a silky tone of voice.

"I wasn't hot for him. I've only wanted you."

WHIP

WHIP

WHIP

The blows occurred so quickly and with such force Buffy gasped aloud with the streaking pain that had wrapped itself around her body. This time she could feel the blood that rose to the surface, running through the breaks in her flesh. Before she could even begin to compose herself Buffy cried aloud again. Angelus had twisted her away from the wall and entered her savagely.

"Liar! You haven't just wanted me Buff." Thrusting fiercely Angelus dug his fingers deeply into her ass. "You've wanted Angel too."

Clenching her eyes shut Buffy turned her head to the side. The brutality of his every movement elicited a depraved response from her. The pain he gave her was coupled with the unholy pleasure she felt at having him touch her. Disgusted with herself Buffy could feel her emotions churning. She was a disgusting, depraved creature to feel any enjoyment.

She was slipping...

"You don't deserve kindness lover. You---only---deserve---THIS!" Withdrawing completely from her body Angelus forcefully drove his cock back in, delighting in the wetness that made his passage easier while feeling a sense of dissatisfaction that she was so wet. He did not want her to enjoy this.

"You're a liar Slayer. A filthy liar."

Moaning in despair Buffy's control was slipping rapidly. She was a whore. A lying, filthy whore. She was sick. Depraved. Just like him.

Because of him.

Buffy could feel herself fracturing on the inside, the cracks steadily growing in time with his thrusts.

Angelus pounded Buffy's chained body, all his thoughts centered on his own release and not hers. She didn't deserve satisfaction.

He did not notice the new tension that was beginning to overtake her body.

Shifting his hand so that she rested on his forearm Angelus placed his freed hand just under her adorned wrists. Grasping both of them he pressed his mouth against Buffy's exposed neck. Just as he felt his lower body explode in carnal pleasure his fangs extended and pierced his lover's neck.

Greedily he drank in her blood, experiencing the familiar euphoria that hit his veins as soon as he took her within himself. After several moments of feeding Angelus finally withdrew from Buffy. Moving his hand from her wrists he traveled higher to undo her manacles.

Not sparing much of a glance at her nude body Angelus turned around and walked away before boredly ordering, "Get dressed and get out. I'm done with you...whore."

He heard her girlishly sweet voice reply, "Alright", before it changed to one that he barely recognized. "But not before I'm done with you."

Angelus' instincts screamed a warning to turn around a millisecond too late. He felt his scalp split under the force of a blow to his head. While it did not knock him into unconsciousness Angelus lost a few seconds of complete clarity of his surroundings. What the hell was going on?

It was too late for him. Buffy felt the human part of herself withdraw, leaving something utterly hard and unforgiving in its place. After merely a week of playing, the dam she so doggedly built inside herself broke and now there was nothing to hold it or her back.

Angelus' mistress snapped.

Quickly Buffy hefted the heavy wrought iron fire poker she had taken while Angelus' back was turned over her shoulder before slamming it back down on his head. This time he was driven to his hands and knees.

"Bitch---", his threat was effectively and immediately silenced when Buffy turned the weapon around in her hands and struck him with the blunt handle. The blow instantly broke his jaw. When he made the mistake of looking up at her she delivered another strike, this time to his temple.

The look in her eyes made Angelus curse fluently. His jaw was already knitting itself together, the bones finding each other and fusing. That was least of his concerns at the moment. He had taken her too far.

He had pushed too much and now he was paying the price for his loss of control. Could she come back from the dark place in her mind?

The blankness in Buffy's eyes reflected her insides---or so he thought.

Buffy raised the iron weapon high over her head before hitting Angelus square in the back. He could barely restrain his grunt of pain before she hit him again. Dimly he thought that somehow she was going to try to beat him to death.

"How dare you?!", she gasped out before hitting the back of his leg. "How dare you make me this? Make me a w-whore!"

All too quickly Angelus realized that Buffy was going to recreate the scene she just went through and there wasn't a damn thing he could do about it. She was just too fast. He had it confirmed when he tried to gain his feet.

Buffy simply broke his spine.

THWACK

"You made me want you!"

THWACK

"You knew how much I loved Angel!"

THWACK

"Why did you have to come back?!"

THWACK

"Why did you have to destroy what he and I had?!"

THWACK

"You made fun of me! You threw my virginity in my face! How dare you?!"

THWACK

"You called me cold! An insipid virgin who didn't know one end of a cock from another!"

THWACK

"Then you wouldn't leave me alone!"

THWACK

"You beat Jeff Halburn for having the misfortune to like me!"

THWACK

"You made me feel so helpless!"

THWACK

"You tricked me into thinking you killed him! You made me go through hell! As if I didn't have enough going on with death that night!"

THWACK

"Then you blackmail me into bed! You threatened my friends! You knew how I felt about Angel, you knew how I'd feel about it afterwards, but you didn't care!"

THWACK

"You MADE me like it! You MADE me want you! You turned me into a WHORE!"

THWACK

Angelus' body was one massive broken welt, bruise, and fracture. Buffy was in the midst of a Slayer-enhanced rage. Not once in all their dealings had she ever unleashed this much punishment to his body. Not once had she caught him by surprise and kept the advantage.

Now he was simply a sprawled, broken body. Her blows came down so quickly his body could not heal them fast enough. He had given up trying to get up long ago. Hissing at the pain in his head, Angelus intently focused on her words. It was the only thing that could keep him from feeling the full agony.

He would wait this out and then they'd see...

"It's your fault!"

THWACK

"You made me feel dirty! You said that we'd fuck until you didn't want me anymore! How do you think that made me feel?!"

THWACK

"But that's right! YOU don't care what I feel, only what you feel."

THWACK

"What DO you feel Angelus in that black heart of yours?"

THWACK

"Don't bother answering sweetie, I can see that your jaw is broken."

THWACK

Angelus would have smiled if he could. Buffy made a perfect feminine imitation of himself.

"You told me about Lady Fiona. You bastard! You made me doubt Angel's love, even if for only a second. It was a second TOO LONG!"

THWACK

"You made me beg for you and then you spanked me! You made me cry! I hate you!"

THWACK

"Then you almost killed me! You turned me into something freakish---not quite Slayer, not quite vampire!"

THWACK

"So what am I Angelus? What AM I?"

THWACK

"Answer me!!", she commanded with a desperate shrillness in her voice.

Spitting out a mouth full of blood and teeth Angelus arrogantly answered, "Mine." Looking up out of one eye he studied the frenzied look of pain and fury that twisted her features. Seeing him looking at her Buffy raised the iron poker, fully intending to split the side of his face wide open. He barely found the strength to shift his body so that the blow landed on his shoulder.

"If I'm yours then why do you treat me so badly? When all I do is try to make you happy?!" The disjointed thoughts that ran through what was left of her mind quickly found another tunnel of complaint.

THWACK

"When I put my mouth on you, you made me feel like shit! Then you fucked me before throwing me out!"

THWACK

"And I still wanted you! I STILL WANTED YOU!"

THWACK

"You made me beg for his life!" Dropping to her knees the iron poker clanged loudly as Buffy brokenly swore, "You have to know that I never wanted Paul like that! I didn't!" Angelus clearly heard the plea in her voice and was almost tempted to speak to her but decided against it. She was too unstable.

As if sensing his thoughts Buffy scrambled to her feet and stood there silently for many moments. Angelus suffered the agonizing and needed process of feeling his body heal. His pride was stung, but surprisingly his fury was almost non-existent.

It was his own over-confidence and foolishness that got him the beating to begin with. Shifting his head he watched Buffy through the slit of his eye. She stood in the midst of the cavernous room and did not look like a Slayer, whore, or paramour. She looked a lost girl. He could feel his body strengthening and now he could almost straighten his legs. In just a minute or two he'd be able to stand and take away her weapon before she decided to use it as a stake instead. Then she spoke.

For the first time Buffy's voice softened until a near whisper. "But I'm a whore, so maybe I just do things like that." Lifting her voice once more she shouted, "BUT WHO'S FAULT IS THAT?!" She now had a new sense of fury. If she had had any ideas of stopping the brutal assault against Angelus they were firmly disposed of.

THWACK

"Then I went to my knees for you. I showed you everything I felt but you threw it in my face."

THWACK

"You went out and flirted with my mom!"

THWACK

"You treated me like a child! You made my mom think she could have you! She can't! NO ONE CAN!" The last of her words were shrieked, the loudness of them causing a tremor of pain through Angelus' damaged ears.

THWACK

"But you weren't through. You kissed her. You kissed Lina. You FUCKED her, didn't you?!"

THWACK

"I hate you! I hate you!", Buffy sobbed.

THWACK

THWACK

THWACK

Angelus could not hold back his groan of pain as his world exploded in streaks of muscle, bone, and tissue. Her walls had come down. She was letting him into see EVERY thing that lay in her bloody box. This was what he wanted, regardless of the fact that he was receiving the worst beating of his life, he was finally in.

Every vulnerability, every doubt, every shame, every hurt, every love---it was all there for him to see.

And she was hardly finished...

"Then you showed them what should only between us. You let them see me. Why Angelus, WHY?!" Buffy was crying so loudly that her words were barely audible.

I regret it more than you know lover.

THWACK

"You raped me! In front of them! How could you?!"

THWACK

"But you weren't done. You tortured me with the threat of killing Paul. You showed me how powerless I am around you!"

THWACK

"Then you made me tell you that I belong to you." Tearing away her rabid gaze from the bloody and broken body at her feet Buffy turned a tear streaked face up to the ceiling. "My God, how can you do this to me? Where are you? I can't feel this way for him, I can't!"

Looking away from the heavens Buffy hatefully spat, "Because of you I lie to my mother, to my friends, to my Watcher! I lie to protect this dirty secret that I'm bound to!"

THWACK

"You come into my home, manipulate me, my mother. You kiss me then you laugh with her! How come you never smile at me the way you do her?!"

THWACK

"Then you make me play sick games with you! You make me like it! You make me want to feel you beat me with your crop!"

THWACK

"You make me suck your cock, swallow your cum, and then you make me beg for it! You make me beg you to beat me! There! I can say it! It's true! I LIKED IT! I'm a whore for you Angelus! I'm a whore because I want more than this from you!"

THWACK

THWACK

THWACK

THWACK

"Nothing but a whore!" Flinging away the iron poker Buffy collapsed to the floor, her body convulsing from the strength of her sobs. Slowly she could feel the sanity returning to her mind. The awful darkness of pure pain was leaving her---leaving in its place something even more painful.

It was all out. Every dark, dirty secret out in the open.

Shifting her head to the side Buffy finally saw Angelus with clarity. Immediately she began to vomit what little dinner she had in her stomach. The sight that greeted her tear-swollen eyes caused another heave to rack her body. There was bits of bone, muscle, hair, and teeth all on the floor around his prone body.

Looking down at her arms Buffy let out a sob of grief. Blood. So much blood everywhere. It had splattered all over her, coating her forearms with a crimson streaks. Despite the darkness of the floor Buffy could see the sickening sheen of blood. The violence she had done to him could never be forgiven.

How could she have been capable of such a thing?

"Oh my God! What have I done? How could I have done this to him? What kind of person am I? Oh my God!"

Ignoring the pile of vomit Buffy dropped to her side and brought her legs up to her chest. A keening cry of terrible anguish tore through her throat. She had never lost control like that. Ever. Not after all that happened in the last couple of months, not even after last Sunday. Could she have damaged him beyond complete healing?

He was so still. The memories scalded her brain as she saw herself standing over his body, bringing the vicious iron poker down on his flesh over and over and over and over...

Digging her fists into her eyes Buffy screamed, "NO, NO, NO!"

What if she had punctured his back with the poker and pierced his heart? Flinging her hands away from her eyes Buffy quickly saw the impossibility of her fear. If she had done so he would be nothing more than a pile of ash. She should be an expert on vampire death by now. But Angelus lay there so still, his head turned away so that she couldn't see him at all.

"Angelus, Angelus...oh God I'm so sorry!" Buffy's body stiffened as the pain of the act relentlessly clawed away at her. It wounded her until she could barely breathe. She had viciously attacked him when his back was turned and then the rest...

Buffy stuffed a fist in her mouth. She felt as if she were dying. Even after everything Angelus had done to her, he had NEVER done something like this to her. Even tonight had not been as cold-blooded as what she had just committed.

She had hurt him. She had hurt the very same body that had given her so much love when Angel and so much pleasure with Angelus.

Buffy did not know what to do. She wanted to go to him, she wanted to help him, but if she did and found out that she couldn't help him...

She was worse than a whore. She was a coward as well.

Crawling across the floor Buffy's stomach roiled as the blood painted her skin bright red. She would never forgive herself for what she did.

Never. What he did and what she felt no longer mattered. THIS is what she had done.

The Slayer, the one meant to be a beacon of light amidst the night, was capable of this ugliness.

Reaching his motionless body Buffy began to sob loudly. Reaching out a hand she picked a large piece of bone from his matted black hair. "A-Angelus...p-please, p-lease..." He never responded. Laying in the filth that she herself had created, Buffy cries shook her body as she laid herself on her lover.

"My lover...mine...what have I done?" Grief stricken she kissed the cold, red flesh of his back.

After several minutes of this Buffy gathered the courage to turn his body over. Angelus' face appeared to be carved from marble, he was so still, so pale. Leaning forward Buffy kissed his mouth pleading for him to, "Open your eyes. Please be okay...please."

She begged without shame, needing for him to show her the ebony of his gaze once more. Then the truth of it all finally dawned on her.

She loved him.

Gasping from the force of her tears Buffy could not believe it. After all that had happened, after all he was, how could it be?

She loved Angelus fiercely.

The truth spread through every part of Buffy as she finally saw what the madness of the past weeks was really about. She had taken all of his abuse as punishment, that much was true. But somehow she found herself loving him. Maybe it was because of their first night. He had been so tender while taking care of her wounds.

No. That wasn't it.

Angel had won her love with tenderness and kindness. Angelus had captured her love with brutality and arrogance. Kissing his firm, cold lips Buffy felt her love was different than her love for Angel. This was sharper, much more painful. It was a merciless passion of the heart.

If she hadn't loved him, she wouldn't have taken all of his...

Buffy did not have a chance to continue her thoughts for she felt Angelus stir. Pulling away from his body Buffy watched him intently. There! He moved his leg.

The relief she felt almost made her collapse. He was going to heal. She knew it in her gut.

And now she also knew that she loved him.

She could not bear to face him now. Not now. Her heart would not be able to take it. Regardless of what she felt it did not mean that he felt it as well. After the beating she had given, Buffy believed that once he got up he would try to kill her.

And now she also knew that she would not want to stop him.

After all this night had wrought, a lesson of will had held most strongly: will was not enough. Sometimes will was what drove one to madness. The absolute need for control at times brought a total lack of control.

Finding her feet Buffy sped to the main hall all the while crying the soul-shattering tears that would not let her forget nor forgive. Bending down she saw that her clothes were scattered alongside his. The dark, rich scent of Angelus rose to meet her, strong yet not powerful enough to eradicate the stench of blood that hung heavily about her body. Quickly she pushed her head through the tight neck of her sweater before pulling up her jeans.

"Buffy!"

Freezing at the sound of Angelus' voice Buffy's heart began to beat so strongly it almost choked her. Shoving her sockless feet into her shoes Buffy quickly fled up the stairs. Punching in the code she rushed into the elevator. Before the doors closed completely she saw a shadow of movement speeding towards her.

Angelus.

Staring at the closed doors Angelus focused his mind on her, feeling the tumultuous emotions that swirled around her. Looking down at himself Angelus frowned with an edge of distaste. The gore was all over his body. The smell of vomit permeated his skin while the blood had stained it red.

He could hardly go after her with just a pair of lounging pants on. Running into the living room he put on the discarded clothes as quickly as Buffy put hers on. He sensed that she was already outside as he stepped into the elevator.

Angelus could not quite take in the events that would have him chasing his mistress down the streets of Sunnydale. Impatiently waiting for the elevator to make its descent he heard Buffy's sobs in his ears. All the misery and grief she had shown during her madness doubled when she had realized what she had committed.

Angelus heard everything she had said and done.

He had fully expected her to either continue to beat him until she passed out from exhaustion or to evenutally stop and leave. He had not expected her to cry as if all the pain in the world was trapped inside her body. He had not expected to hear her sob his name with such misery.

And he had never expected her to lay herself on him and plead with him to wake up.

Feeling the elevator give a tiny lurch he barely gave the doors time to slide open before he was through them. Striding across the entry way in a blur he heard the two old men babbling at the concierge counter. Ignoring them both he reached the door when he heard them speaking of Buffy.

"Did you see the way she tore out of here? Crying and covered with blood! I'm calling the police---"

"Robert you can't!", the clerk cried while pulling the desk phone away.

Pulling back the phone the doorman stated, "Simon she could be hurt!"

"You know the rules concerning Mr. Gryphon---"

"To HELL with the rules Simon! That girl could be hurt and Mr. Gryphon can go to HELL too!" Their conversation abruptly ended when they both realized that Mr. Gryphon stood but a few feet away. Dumbly holding the phone Robert Lamarr forced himself to tighten the grip as terror threatened to overwhelm him.

The tall intimidating man did not look like a man. He looked like a beast. Dried blood was caked down the side of his face while his dark hair appeared matted with something wet as well. But it wasn't the blood that made Mr. Gryphon look inhuman. It was the emptiness inside his black eyes that made Robert want to scream with fear.

"Listen to your friend Simon, Robbie. What occurs between me and that girl is none of your concern. You WILL turn a blind eye to anything you see or hear. Am I making myself clear?"

His throat convulsing with fear Simon unconsciously clutched Robert's arm while nodding his head rapidly. "O-of c-c-course M-Mr. G-Gryphon!"

Pinning his lethal gaze upon Robert's face Angelus read the terror there in the clear eyes. He also saw the courage battling with the fear. "She looks hurt," was all the old man could say even as the fear threatened to close up his throat.

"She's not. Now put the phone down Robbie." Calmly Angelus waited until the doorman reluctantly set the phone back in its cradle. "Remember what I said, both of you---turn a blind eye while it's still your choice." With that Angelus stalked out of the building, fully confident that his orders would be obeyed.

Using his keen vision and his senses Angelus quickly determined that Buffy had headed in the opposite direction of her house. Although weaker than he'd like to be, he was much more stronger than he would have been if he hadn't been drinking Buffy's blood. Even in this state he was many times more powerful than the completely healthy version of himself prior to their transformation.

Speeding through the streets he quickly gained ground on Buffy. Through the cemetaries he sought his mistress, surprised when she moved past them. They were heading towards the woods. Within a couple of minutes he could hear her sobs from a distance, the hoarse wrenching cries that choked her with tears.

Running as fast as her legs would take her, Buffy's eyes streamed with tears while her nose was clogged from the force of her grief. Tearing through the woods she could feel the skeletal limbs scratching her cruelly. The dense underbrush muffled the sound of her steps while exposed roots threatened to trip her at any moment.

I love him. I love him. I love him.

The litany repeated itself over and over again, interposing itself with other thoughts, creating an unforgiving tableau of love and hate. The horrific images rose up to greet her stricken mind, torturing her with scene after scene of gruesome carnage.

Finally she stopped in the middle of a clearing, head flung back and fists clenched. Even now she could hear her fingers stick together, the blood of Angelus' body providing the morbid method of cohesion. "Oh God, please, please forgive me!" she noisily sobbed, trying in vain to get enough oxygen into her lungs.

"I don't think God is the one you should be asking forgiveness."

Whipping her head around Buffy saw Angelus standing in the clearing with her. Running her gaze down his body she noted with relief the solidness of his stance. It was only when she saw his face that her own twisted with pain.

Raising her bloodied hands to her face Buffy sank to the ground on her knees as she sobbed her heart's grief out. He was going to make her pay for what she had done to him. Tonight he had proven to her that he never forgot any slight towards him and that he always collected his debts. Now that she knew she loved him Buffy did not know how she was going to survive his wrath, for she would lift a finger in her own defense.

When she felt the weight of his hands on her shoulders Buffy thought that perhaps this would be poetic justice. Afterall, hadn't she killed Angel with her body? What better punishment if Angelus attempted to kill her as well with Angel's?

Perhaps Giles and Ms. Calendar were wrong about Acrymydion and the whole prophesy period. Maybe there was another one that they didn't even know about, one that stated this:

She who is of the light will be extinguished by he who is of the dark
As Buffy steadied herself to accept whatever Angelus chose to give her, she felt him wrap his arms about her. She felt him stroke her hair before directing her head to his chest. It only took a moment for her to realize that his hands were not curled into unforgiving fists meant to pound her flesh, but were instead stroking her body gently.

Twining her arms about his neck Buffy cried loudly, wetting his chest with tears. "I-I-I'm s-so s-s-sorry! I-I-I d-don't k-know w-what h-h-happened t-t-o me! I-I s-should've n-n-NEVER d-did t-that!"

Angelus held her tightly against him, allowing his pet to cry against him, silently offering her the comfort she so desperately needed. Finally he pulled away slightly before tilting up her chin. Even in the darkness he could see how swollen her eyes were, the force of her pain never allowing them to go down. "Do you know why this happened?", he softly asked in a soothing tone.

Quickly Buffy shook her head, not fully believing that Angelus was not raging at her. Perhaps it would happen later. Perhaps this was just the beginning of her punishment---a taste of forgiveness now before ugly revenge.

"No?"

"N-n-no."

"This happened because you kept yourself away from me. You kept all your feelings inside, pushing them down, pretending they never existed until finally---you became a murderous viper."

"N-no, I-I don't w-want t-to be---"

Smoothly Angelus broke in with, "Ssh, ssh, baby. It's going to be alright."

"I-it is?", she asked with such hope in her voice all the while clutching Angelus even more tightly than before.

Lightly kissing her trembling mouth Angelus promised, "It is. You know why?"

"N-no."

Smiling gently he murmured, "Because you're never, EVER going to hide what you feel from me again. You're going to show me everything that I want to see from now on...aren't you?"

Burying her head in his wide, strong chest Buffy fervently answered, "Yes, yes."

Pulling her head away he forced her to look at him. "That's good, baby, really good. Because if you don't, it's going to happen again and maybe with someone who can't take it." He saw how her face blanched and relished this complete moment of power. He had won.

She was now completely mallable to all of his desires.

When he lowered his head to hers Buffy intently searched his eyes. She could see no sign of madness in them at all. While they were hardly reflecting the peace Angel's eyes would have, what they did show was comfort. A part of her did not feel comfortable asking him anything, the other part would not hold back her thoughts. "Are you going to hurt me?"

Before tonight's events Buffy would have been disgusted by the pitiful tone that laced her words. Now it no longer mattered. She would do whatever it took to never go back to that dark place. Whatever it took.

Placing his hand on her cheek Angelus merely took her lips with his own, delving deeply within her warm trembling mouth. Buffy clung to him, molding her very shape to fit his own. She could hardly hold back her hungers, desperately needing to feel this man touch her and make her his own.

Especially after what she had done...

Pulling away from his mouth Buffy gasped, the cold night air searing her lungs. Touching his face with her hand Buffy saw the crimson stains contrast obscenely against his pallid cheek. Her eyes immediately filled with tears. Swallowing thickly she brokenly said, "P-please forgive me."

The triumph Angelus felt almost made him lose control. To see the Slayer on her knees, tears streaming down her face, begging his forgiveness...it was divine.

While he couldn't look upon her assault of his body with fondness, Angelus knew that he could never have planned things this perfectly. It was as if she had forgotten every insult he had inflicted upon her body tonight.

All she could remember was what SHE had done.

It was as he believed. Buffy hated losing control as much as he did.

Now ALL her barriers were down. She was so ripe to be molded, to be everything he had ever desired in a woman. Buffy Summers would be his perfect mistress yet.

She had asked if he would hurt her. His heart gave a ruthless smile. Oh darling little Buffy, yes I will hurt you. More than even you can imagine. But don't worry darling, like I told you---there can pleasure in this too. He wouldn't punish her for the insanity that had possessed her, afterall, it was his loss of control that provoked it.

And now he had her completely.

Angelus placed his hand over hers and answered, "I'll forgive you---if you show me how sorry you really are."

Her eyes held his steadily. She knew he wanted her to show him with her body. Always her body. The voice of her conscience shouted a denial before it was firmly quieted. She would not keep herself away from him.

Never again.

Much later after their needs had been satisfied, Angelus held Buffy's small form against his chest and coldly smiled while pressing a kiss to the top of her head.

There was no doubt that he would keep the Slayer firmly under his fist. All that he had exposed her to was just foreplay. From this moment on the taste of their passions would become darker, rich in decadent flavor. Buffy would accept all that he showed her, and would either love it, or find a way to do so.

The irony of it all was she would accept his passion, for fear that if she did not...

...she would lose her own.

The End

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