"Clean Rain"
Author:
Christine
Email: cluland@hotmail.com
Disclaimer: The song "Clean Rain" is from Vonda Shepard's Radical Light
CD. Check it out, it's great.
Dedication: To Andrea for all the encouragement!
Will
you take my hand so I'm not alone
You're the road I need to lead me home baby...forever
Will you be my friend, will you walk with me
Can we wash away the history
that clouds our love?
What came before surely won't be
There's a clean
rain falling over me
"Clean Rain" By Vonda Shepard
January 8, 1999
"That's it guys. Show's over. Time to for everyone to head home to bed!" Buffy announced. From her position in Angel's lap she reached for the remote and clicked off the TV and VCR. Rising to her feet she turned on the lamp.
Grumbles and groans greeted the sudden glare of light. From various positions around the room the sleepy Slayerettes began to rise.
"Honestly Buffy, with everything we face here on the Hellmouth did we really need to have a Friday the Thirteenth marathon? I think Cordie broke a few ribs when she squeezed me during the scary parts." Xander grinned as he helped his girlfriend to her feet.
"I was scared? You almost broke my fingers!" was Cordelia's indignant response.
"I was just trying to reassure you of my support and protection. Honestly! I'm a Slayerette, we've faced bug ladies, demons, mummies, you name it. Why would a psycho in a hockey mask scare me?" Xander smiled as he pulled Cordelia into a hug. "But all the same could you give me a ride home?"
"No, no frogs!" They turned as one to see Oz trying to gently rouse the sleeping hacker. The blonde guitarist looked from his sleepy girlfriend to the amused faces of their friends. "Can somebody explain her frog fear to me? I don't get it."
"It's just Willow, Oz. You learn to deal over the years." Xander chuckled as he watched Oz lead a dazed Willow out the door. "She really needs a good night's sleep. Well it's a weekend and Giles says we're monster free for a while. I guess we should sleep in and enjoy it while we can. I, for one, am not moving out of bed before noon tomorrow. What about you guys?"
"Noon sounds too early to me, Xander. Mom's away so I get the house to myself. Nobody will be vacuuming outside my door as a hint to get up out of bed at nine in the morning." Buffy leaned against Angel's chest as they stood in the door saying good-bye to the rest of the Slayerettes.
"You're alone in the house? Are you sure you don't want me to stay over and protect you from things that go bump in the night?" Xander leered at Buffy and then burst into laughter at the glare Angel sent his way. "I knew that would get a rise outta you. Don't worry. I'm sure you're perfectly capable of playing the white knight." Still laughing Xander let Cordelia lead him down the driveway.
"Want to bet that the first strange noise he hears tonight will have his heart pounding? Maybe I should go over and tap on the window?" Angel snickered at the thought of a terrified Xander. "No, I couldn't do that to him. He made it through the whole night without a dead-boy joke. He deserves something for that."
Buffy laughed as she followed Angel back into the living room. "I'm proud of both of you. You must be maturing to be able to sit together without bickering."
Still laughing they began to clean up the wreckage of a Slayerette gathering. It was after midnight by the time the house was back into some kind of order. Finally satisfied they sat together on the couch to survey their work. Curled up in Angel's arms, Buffy began to doze off. Angel smiled as he contemplated the sleeping Slayer. It wasn't so long ago that he thought he would never have the opportunity to be with her again. The fact that she was once again in his arms and that he was once again accepted whole-heartedly by the Slayerettes still filled him with a sense of wonder. He sat quietly in the dark thinking over his good fortune until his silent reverie was interrupted by Buffy's anguished moans. "Angel! Where are you? Don't go! I'm so sorry, Angel."
He watched in horror as tears began to leak from her eyes. Only when she began to thrash in his arms was he able to overcome the guilt that had frozen him when her nightmare began. "Buffy! Wake up! It's okay. I'm here. Buffy!" He shook her gently, desperate to wake her from the nightmare.
Buffy's eyes opened and settled upon Angel's face. With a sob she wrapped her arms around his neck and let her tears fall onto his shoulder.
Only after she had calmed down did Angel think it was safe to question her, "What happened? What was it about?"
Buffy sat up in his arms and pushed her hair back out of her face. "It was the morning after my birthday. I woke up alone, but then he came. He told me all those terrible things again. But then he changed, and it was you. You were so angry. You said it was all my fault. And then you walked away. I tried to stop you but you just pushed me away. You told me this wasn't a fairy tale. We weren't going to wake up in the morning to a happy ever after. That I didn't have the right to it after what I'd done." Buffy's voice shook as she finished describing her nightmare. Feeling the need to be close to Angel, she once again burrowed into his arms and tucked her head under his chin.
Angel was silent for a long moment after she finished speaking. His only reaction to her description of the nightmare was a tightening of the muscle along his jaw. When he finally spoke his voice was think with grief and guilt, "I'm so sorry. I never wanted to hurt you like that."
Buffy pulled away from his protective embrace to look him straight in the eye as she spoke. "Hey, I thought we went over this. It wasn't your fault. It wasn't my fault. We didn't know." She lay her hand on his cheek and looked deeply into his eyes. "Making love to you that night was the most wonderful thing I ever did. I don't regret it. So we can't keep feeling guilty for doing something that was so right."
Angel laughed ruefully at her succinct summary of the previous year's horrors. "I know. It's just easier said then done. Do you know what I regret most?" Angel asked as he pulled her down to lie next to him on the couch. "I regret that the first words I spoke to you after we made love were the demon's. In your nightmare, when you talk about waking up the next morning to a happy ever after, I wanted that. I mean, I know that we're not a fairy tale but was it too much to ask to be able to wake up holding you in my arms?"
"That is the sweetest thing you've ever said to me." Buffy rolled so that she had him pinned to the couch. Leaning in she met his lips for a tender kiss. Long minutes passed as gentle kisses slowly increased in urgency and passion until it seemed as if the two bodies on the couch were trying to merge into one.
With a reluctant moan Angel pulled away from Buffy's arms and sat up on the couch.
"What's wrong? Why'd you stop?"
"Buffy, are you sure this is right? Can we take this chance?" As he spoke he ran his hands through his mussed hair while fearfully meeting her gaze.
With a sigh, Buffy sat up next to the fearful vampire. "Angel, Whistler said there was no happy clause. It's okay. Nothing bad is going to happen. After everything we've been through I think we deserve the chance to be happy for a little while. Let tonight be the first time for us. Nothing else matters." Rising from the couch, Buffy held out her hand. "Stay with me tonight. Please?"
Angel bit his lip as he thought about her request. He looked at her disheveled clothes, tangled hair, and outstretched hand and thought he had never seen her looking more beautiful. He thought of his cold, dark apartment and a day spent alone. A slow smile lit his face as he stood and took her hand. Together they mounted the stairs.
They stood in the darkness of her room, hesitant and uncertain. Both wanting, needing to move forward but held back by the memories of the year past. With a feather light touch Angel caressed Buffy's cheek. "Wait here. I'll be right back."
She listened to him move quietly around the room. There was the sound of a striking match and then the room began to glow with golden light from the candles he lit on the desk.
He returned to stand in front of her, his eyes dark in the dim light of the room. He reached out for her and frowned when she pulled away. "My turn," she smiled.
Walking quickly to her window she pulled the dark curtains closed. Her mother had installed the heavy fabric a few weeks earlier. Buffy chuckled inwardly as she thought of her mother. For a woman who had been out of the loop for so long she had become remarkably perceptive in a short time. Had she sensed the growing closeness between her daughter and the vampire? Did she know and approve of their soon to be renewed relationship? Buffy could only think yes. The dark material would turn her room into a cozy vampire haven during the brightest light of day.
Moving to her dresser she pulled out a handful of dark silk. "I'll be right back," she whispered as she slipped out the door.
She returned a few moments later and stood in the doorway silently watching the handsome man. Angel had kicked off his shoes and was sitting on the edge of her bed once again holding Mr. Gordo. "I'm beginning to think you have a thing for pigs," she laughed softly.
Startled, Angel looked up, his reply quickly dying on his lips as he gazed at the vision in the doorway. Buffy stood before him wearing a deep blue nightshirt. Slowly he let his gaze travel from her golden hair, across her face, to the buttons marching down the front of the nightshirt. Already his fingers itched to undo the buttons, to travel over the soft warm skin he knew the blue silk hid. Finally his gaze drifted lower until it stopped where the silk grazed the top of her lean thighs.
Pulling his eyes away he swallowed nervously. "You look beautiful." He slowly rose from the bed and held out a hand. She took it and let him pull her into a tight embrace. "I love you," he whispered into her hair.
"I know," she replied. "I love you too."
They stood together silently in the flickering light of the candles until Buffy tilted her head and lay a gentle kiss on his jaw. "I'm ready for bed. What about you?" she asked as she reached up with small hands and began to unbutton Angel's shirt. She tugged and the shirt came loose from his pants. Undoing the last button she pushed the shirt off his shoulders and let it drop to the floor. Closing her eyes, she slipped her arms around his waist and rested her flushed face against his cool strength.
Angel flinched as her silken warmth came into contact with his chest. Her hands were points of fire as they rested on the small of his back. He felt his desire start to grow as his hands slid down her back to cup her firm bottom through the soft silk and pull her tightly to him. "Oh God, you feel so good!" he whispered. Stepping back he felt the bed hit him in the back of his knees. With a small smile he took Buffy into his arms and fell back upon the bed. He captured her squeak of surprise with his lips in a kiss that grew in passion as the seconds ticked by.
Buffy moaned as his hands slipped down to the edge of her nightshirt and then began to slowly travel up her back under the silken material. The chill of his cool hands sent small shivers down her spine.
Angel stopped when he felt her trembling. "Are you okay?" he asked softly.
"It feels wonderful," she breathed.
Angel rolled so that she was trapped beneath him. "If you want to stop. If you're scared..."
"Shush! Angel, I love you. I want this. I want you!" A faint blush stained her cheeks when she finished speaking. Angel was so enamored by the rosy tint in her face he almost didn't realize her hands had slipped down to undo his slacks. The feel of her gentle hands as they shyly pushed the soft twill down his legs sent a fresh wave of desire through him.
With a groan he kicked the pants off and then clad only in a pair of boxers; rose to kneel and straddle her waist. "You're so beautiful. I don't think I can tell you enough."
Buffy sighed, as his dark eyes become bottomless pools of desire. She watched, as his hands moved up to the top button of her nightshirt, and quivered with need as he began to unbutton the large fasteners.
His hands slowly traveled down the row of buttons, undoing them and exposing the pink valley between her breasts. Biting her lip, she felt the tension deep inside her began to increase. When he finished with the buttons she reached up and pulled him down on top of her, reveling in the weight of his body upon her.
Angel braced his arms on either side of her head and gently kissed her lips. He shuddered as he felt the material of her nightshirt slip away, exposing her skin. He pulled her up and slipped the material off her shoulders as his lips began to trace a path down her neck to the newly exposed skin of her chest. Drawing the tight bud of her breast into his mouth he flicked his tongue over the rosy tip.
Buffy's fingers tangled in the downy softness of her comforter while her body arched up against his mouth as his hands slowly travelled down to rest on the curve of her hips. Ever so slowly he moved his mouth down her body; kissing and caressing every spot he could reach and claiming it as his own. Finally he reached the golden down at the juncture of her thighs. Gently nudging her legs apart he tasted her sweetness with soft, slow movements of his tongue.
Her hands moved from the tangled material of the comforter to run through his spiky curls, twisting and pulling in exquisite ecstasy until he was forced to pull them away and hold them at her sides. Buffy's incoherent murmur of protest was quieted when he laced his fingers with hers and held on in a silent promise to never let her go again.
With a sudden cry Buffy rose against his eager mouth and then fell back upon the bed, a faint sheen of perspiration on her skin gleaming in the candlelight. Angel quickly moved up her body and took her in his arms. Holding her close he relished the peace he felt holding her in his arms, for the moment he ignored the heat of desire still coursing through his body.
Nestled in his arms Buffy opened desire clouded eyes. Searching his face she felt she could see his beautiful soul shining through the love in his eyes. "Please?" she whispered as her lips grazed his throat in a loving imitation of a vampire's deadly bite.
Angel threw back his head and bared his throat to her. "Oh God, Buffy! You don't know how good that feels." Settling her down onto the bed he stretched over her, the flimsy material of his boxers the only barrier between them. "Is this what you want? Are you sure?" he panted before he buried his face into her neck, nipping and sucking her throat with building force as his control slipped in ever increasing increments.
For a split second Buffy felt a tinge of fear as the vampire pulled at her throat. But the thought vanished before it was even fully formed as she felt his hard length pressing insistently against her through the silk of his shorts. Placing her hands on either side of his face she forced him to look at her. "Yes! For Always!" she answered as she reached down to push the boxers off.
Angle looked deep into her eyes as he once again lowered himself on her warm body. All the urgency and fierce desire of the past hour melted away as time stopped and their bodies joined. For a long, frozen moment they could only stare at one another as the poignancy of the moment overcame them. Finally Angel lowered his head to bestow a tender kiss on the corner of her mouth. She smiled and turned her head into his lips for another kiss. Their tongues dueled, as time seemed to once again resume, fueled by the passion building between them.
Their fingers entangled once again as their bodies moved in a rhythm older then time. She could feel the tension building within him and knew that he would soon find the release she had felt only moments before. She writhed against him, determined to help him find the pleasure he deserved. With a sob he collapsed against her, pinning her to the bed with his weight.
She lay quietly beneath him, running slow, comforting fingers down his back in an attempt to calm his trembling body. "Shush. It's okay," she murmured into his shoulder. "I'm right here. I won't let you go." The first drop of moisture trickling down her neck startled her. Soon a second followed and then a third. With a small push she rolled Angel over. Propping herself up on her elbow she leaned over him and traced the path of tears down his cheek. "What's wrong?" she asked, knowing the answer deep inside.
"I'm afraid," he hesitantly admitted. "Maybe we shouldn't have done this. What if..."
"No, there are no what if." Buffy interrupted shaking her head. "There's only you and I, here and now. We're going to go to sleep and in a few hours wake up together. I promise!" she said earnestly.
"I wish I could be as sure as you are. But..."
"No buts!" she said firmly. "Try and understand this. I need you with me, in my life. I want us to be together. I think if I keep saying that everything will be okay then it will. Does that make sense? It's like in Peter Pan when Tinkerbell is dying; everyone has to believe in fairies for her survive. I have to believe everything will be okay for us for me to survive. I can't think I'm going to lose you." She touched his cheek and then pulled back to look him in the eyes. "I need to believe in fairies."
Looking into her eyes Angel could see the strength of her beliefs. But hidden behind those beliefs he could also see a faint shadow of the fear that haunted him. He realized then that despite her brave front, deep inside she shared his fears. Deciding then and there to be as strong for her as she was for him, he smiled at her. "Fine, you're the boss. Why don't you pull the comforter up so you'll be warm enough then?"
Together they shifted until they were both wrapped in the downy warmth. Cradling her small frame in his arms, Angel brushed a lock of hair off her face and kissed her forehead.
Sleepily Buffy nuzzled her face into his chest. "Don't let go," she mumbled.
"I don't think I could," he replied as he pulled her even closer. Settling back he prepared to wait out the night, still half terrified that these would be the final moments he would get to hold her.
Angel awoke with a start. The fringe of light visible under the curtains made it obvious that the longest night of his life had passed. He looked down at Buffy as she lay curled up next to him. Smiling to himself he bent down and kissed her. As her eyelids fluttered he softly whispered, "Buffy, I do believe in fairies."
The End