"Sonnet"
Author:
Christine
Email: cluland@hotmail.com
The rustling of the nearby bushes caused Buffy to tense and reach for the stake tucked in her jacket pocket. Turning quickly and dropping into a fighting stance she prepared to face her latest challenge. An exasperated sigh crossed her lips as she recognized the tall figure emerging from the shadows.
"Dammit Angel, that's a good way to get yourself killed!"
"It keeps your reflexes sharp. You never know what might be lurking around out here."
"Besides you, you mean?"
"What can I say? It's what I do best." With a soft chuckle Angel fell in step with the Slayer. "So what's the game plan for tonight? Is anything big happening?"
"No, Giles thinks we're in for some down time. Something to do with the alignment of the planets. While I'm all for downtime I still think I'll keep up my regular patrols. It seems like every time we think things are slowing down that's when all hell breaks loose." As they walked companionably side by side Buffy couldn't help glancing at Angel's hand as it hung at his side. It wasn't so long ago that she would have taken hold of his hand as they walked through the woods. But they couldn't do that any longer. A small sigh escaped her lips as she shook her head in disgust.
"You're probably right. It's always quietest around here just before some demon lord comes to town. So where is everyone else tonight?" Angel asked as they left the park woods and came to the road.
Buffy walked over to the nearby bus stop and took a seat on the back of the bench. "The Bronze. Oz is playing tonight so Willow is in starry-eyed groupie mode. And Xander and Cordie were fighting like cats and dogs all day which means they're probably in the process of making up." Buffy grimaced and rolled her eyes as she contemplated the mental images that suddenly appeared in her head with her explanation.
Angel hopped up to sit next to the golden-haired slayer. "Making up or making out?" he grinned.
"Don't go there. It's too scary to think about. I don't get what he sees in her. But I guess somehow they make it work." With a sideways glance she looked at Angel. "More power to them."
"So why aren't you heading there? It has to be more fun then wandering through the woods late at night."
Buffy smiled brightly as she answered, "Too much couple sweetness. I'd probably go into sugar shock."
Angel watched her expression with narrowed eyes. He could see the bitterness, regrets, and desires she tried so hard to keep hidden from him. He considered once again urging her to move on with her life, to forget about him and to find someone who could give her what she needed. But they had had that discussion many times and he knew nothing would change her mind. She was adamant that she wasn't ready to date again or move on, that she was happy with their current nebulous non-relationship. Another look at her wistful expression made him determined to lift her spirits.
"So you have nothing better to do then to wander the darkened streets with an angsty, undead, creature of the night? We really need to get you a life."
Their eyes met and held. For several long moments memories of everything they had and everything they'd lost passed silently between them. With a regretful smile Angel held out his hand to the small slayer. "Come on then, there's something you should see."
"Where are we going?" Buffy asked as they walked through the streets.
An amused smile curved Angel's lips as he answered her. "You're too impatient. Don't you like surprises? Right now we're going to my apartment to get a blanket because it's going to get cold out later tonight. You also need to call your mom and let her know you're okay and that you'll be home late."
"But you still haven't said where we're going!"
"I know."
"Listen, Cryptic Guy! Remember I have a pointy piece of wood in my pocket!"
"I know, just trust me."
Buffy stopped suddenly as they reached the door to Angel's apartment. "You know I do."
Angel opened the door to the apartment, afraid to respond. Stepping through the doorway he said, "Come on, we don't want to miss anything. I'll get the blanket, you call your mom."
Minutes later they were back in the street heading towards the cliff overlooking town.
"Everything okay with your mom?" Angel asked as they walked side by side. He wanted nothing more then to put his arm around her shoulder as they walked but quashed the urge in a fierce desire to keep the evening light-hearted.
"Yup, she was glad to hear that we're due for downtime. I didn't tell her about the quiet before the storm part though. No sense in getting her upset. She'll learn soon enough. She says hi."
His expression guarded, Angel responded, "Oh, so she's not going to be sending out a search party looking for us?" He had only met Joyce Summers a few times since his return. Despite all his and Buffy's reassurances he knew she still didn't trust him.
"No, it's cool. We had a long talk a few weeks ago. I explained. About everything."
From the corner of his eye he could see her somber expression. Inwardly he sighed, no matter how hard they tried they just couldn't move forward. They were constantly reminded of the past. He turned and with a hesitant hand brushed the hair back off her face. Bright tears glimmered in the corners of her eyes. For a second she leaned into his hand and then abruptly pulled away. She began to run up the path, stopping briefly to call back over her shoulder, "Come on I'll race you to the top."
Knowing there was nothing else he could do, Angel followed her up the path. When he reached the top he found her leaning against the railing that marked the edge of the cliff. Her shoulders shook with silent sobs as he walked up behind her. Reaching his hands around her he grabbed hold of the railing, encircling her in his arms without touching her.
"I'm sorry," she whispered. "It's just so hard. I want..."
"I know. I want it to. But we can't." Angel tried desperately to keep his voice strong for her. But the distress he felt was all too apparent to them both. A flicker of greenish light in the northern sky caught his eye. Grateful for the distraction, he took hold of Buffy's hand. "Come here. This is what we came here for."
They sat down and leaned back against a large rock. Buffy looked at the greenish light with interest. "What is that? I've never seen anything like that before."
"It's the Aurora Borealis. There's been in an increase in the solar storm cycle lately. They said the auroras were going to be pretty strong in the next few weeks because of all the solar radiation. Ordinarily we wouldn't see them this far south." Angel explained. "There's a web site that's been posting when the auroras might peak."
Buffy laughed. "Listen to knowledge boy! I'm impressed. Did you say web site? Have you been surfing with Willow?"
Shyly Angel nodded. "She helped me hook up a new computer last week. I just stumbled across the site earlier this week." He changed position and held he arm out in invitation to Buffy. She slid herself closer to him and rested her head against his shoulder. Carefully Angel rested his arm around her small shoulders. "As for why I know so much about the auroras, well we had them in Ireland when I was a child. But back then we thought it was a warning of death to come. Now it's just something different to see on a long night."
"They're beautiful. Thanks for bringing me up here." She smiled at him, reached for the blanket and carefully draped it over both of them.
Long minutes passed in comfortable silence as they watched the colors in the sky change from green, to gold, to red. Finally Buffy spoke, "This is nice. No monsters, no demons. I wish there could be more nights like this. But I might has well wish for a million dollars cause I don't think I'll get it." Ruefully shaking her head she looked at Angel. "I bet you wish sometimes you'd never met me."
Surprised, Angel pulled his arm from around Buffy's shoulders so that he could turn and face her. "I would never wish that. You've been the best thing that's happened to me in over two hundred and forty years. You have to believe me."
Buffy clambered to her feet and paced anxiously in front of him. "How can you say that? I made you lose your soul! I sent you to Hell! Because I was stupid and impetuous and didn't think of the consequences we can't even be together when we know that's what we both want. So I don't understand how you can't regret meeting me."
Angel closed his eyes and took an unnecessary deep breath. For all his efforts to make it a nice evening it looked like they were back to square one. Slowly he climbed to his feet; reaching out he grabbed hold of Buffy's arms and forced her to stop pacing and look at him. "I was a hundred times worse off before I met you. I never told you what my life was like after the curse before I met you. I lived in the streets, survived on rats. I had no one. I spent eighty years alone and it was horrible. Then I met you and I had sunshine back in my life. What we've gone through in the last year was awful but we're still here today. Even if we can't be together, you're still in my life when you had every right to tell me to go. That's enough for me. Don't you understand that?" He stopped speaking and tried to turn away but was stopped by Buffy's hand reaching up to wipe away the lone tear that dripped down his cheek.
"I'm sorry," she whispered as her eyes glittered with unshed tears. "I didn't realize. I guess we should be grateful for what we still have." She leaned in and wrapped her arms around his waist, resting her head against his shoulder. Slowly Angel returned the embrace, grateful for the momentary respite from the turmoil that usually surrounded his relationship with the beautiful Slayer.
Angel murmured softly into Buffy's hair. She strained to hear what he said, but the light breeze that moved around them muffled his words. "What did you say?" she asked.
Embarrassed, Angel shook his head. "It was nothing. Really."
"No, tell me. Come on, it can't be that bad." The sheepish but thoughtful expression on Angel's face brought a hesitant smile to Buffy's lips. "Remember I have the pointy wood thing in my pocket!" she teased.
"It's not bad at all. I was just remembering something I read the other night." He pulled away from her embrace and returned to the railing. Buffy followed and stood next to him, letting her gaze follow his across the lights of Sunnydale. "It's a sonnet by Shakespeare. It just feels silly to repeat it."
"Tell me, please?" she asked softly.
His eyes directed out into the night, Angel began to recite,
"When in disgrace with fortune
and men's eyes,
I all alone beweep my outcast state,
And trouble deaf
Heaven with my bootless cries,
And look upon myself, and curse my fate,
Wishing me like to one more rich in hope,
Featur'd like him, like him with
friends possess'd,
Desiring this man's art, and that man's scope,
With
what I most enjoy contented least;
Yet in these thoughts myself almost despising,
Haply I think on thee,-and then my state
(Like to the lark at break of
day arising
From sullen earth) sings hymns at heaven's gate;
For thy
sweet love remember'd such wealth brings,
That then I scorn to change my
state with kings."
"Oh..."
"I told you it was silly."
Slowly Buffy turned and lay her hand on Angel's arm. "It's not silly. It's beautiful." Rubbing her free hand across lowered eyes, she bit her lower lip before continuing. "Do you really feel like that?"
"Absolutely."
"So do I."
Their eyes locked in silent understanding. Leaning in, Angel placed a single kiss on the top of Buffy's tousled curls. "It'll get better. I promise."
Side by side the vampire and the slayer stared out into the night as the last of the fiery display faded from the sky.
The End