Author: Holli
Email: summersfinn@hotmail.com
Sunnydale, 2007
He had been forced to sit through a half-hour of begging and pleading from the twins to come to Spike's until finally he succumbed. They had gotten him on the floor, holding him there until he agreed to take them to Spike's. Riley sat silently in front of Spike, an untouched beer in his right hand, staring at his children who sat on the floor of Spike's apartment playing with his new cat, Peaches. He had asked Spike where the name 'Peaches' had come from and Spike had answered by saying that since he hated Angel so much that he'd named his cat after him. At least if he ever got hungry he could kill Peaches.
So, here they were.
But he was in a whole other world. His mind was on Buffy. He thought, or hoped that they were getting closer. After her miscarriage, she'd gotten distant. She hadn't wanted him anywhere near her. At one point, she had made him sleep on the sofa and he'd obeyed her wishes. But the other night when she'd been upset over not having her friends there for the anniversary, she had let him console her. She had even asked him to hold her once he'd gotten her into bed.
"Don't strangle Peaches now, Logan," Spike said, taking a long swig of his beer. Turning to Riley he asked, "So, where's the misses today? I thought today was her day off." He couldn't remember the last time he'd seen Buffy. He had invited her to lunch the week before, but she'd shunned him, giving him a good excuse, but he'd caught her in a lie. She'd been making a habit out of lying to him. So, he had to wonder if she was lying to the poor chap sitting in front of him.
Riley placed his beer on the coffee table in front of him, then looked at Spike. "So did I," he said, then after catching Spike's glare, added, "I mean, she was, but she got called into work." He jumped out of his chair, sighing deeply as he walked to the window. It had seemed like they were doing better. The groping session in the kitchen had surprised them both and he was just glad that she'd let him touch her again.
Spike took another swig of his beer, then placed it on the table beside Riley's as the information Riley had just given him sunk in. "Work? Huh. That was the excuse she gave me last week, too."
Riley's head zipped in Spike's direction. "What do you mean that was the excuse she gave you? How is her going to work an excuse?" Riley asked, flustered at Spike's comment. Excuse? Why would Buffy's going to work be an excuse? Then, after thinking it over for a few moments…Could it be an excuse to not be around me? Oh, Riley, stop it, he instructed himself.
"Well, mate, all I am saying is that your marriage hasn't been on good standing lately what with the miscarriage and all and your wife has been giving that work excuse a lot lately. She's used it on me." When Riley's eyes couldn't be any more focused on him he said, "Last…Thursday I think it was I invited her here to eat lunch, but she said that she'd just been called into work. She was off Thursday, too. Then, I remembered that I needed some blood so I called her at the hospital. They told me that Buffy hadn't been called in and that she specifically requested not to be called in between one and three."
Riley ran a hand through his hair. "Certainly you can't think…?" But the look on Spike's face told him exactly what he thought. "No way, Spike. Uh-uh, there isn't any way. Buffy is not the type to have an affair, Spike. I mean, she wouldn't…she couldn't…I mean, she hasn't even made love to me since…" he trailed off. Could she? It would make sense.
Spike nodded. "Makes you think, doesn't it? Look, Riley, we both know that Buffy's been in a bad place since she lost her baby. Maybe she met one of those hospital doctors and something happened. Maybe someone made her feel like she was seventeen again."
Riley refused to believe that Buffy would have an affair. "Spike, she wouldn't have an affair. It's just not in Buffy to do that. Remember all those years ago after she found out that I had been married? She could have had an affair to get back at me, but she didn't. She was in a bad place then, too."
"Yeah but you just said yourself that she hadn't made love to you in a long time, I'm guessing. If she isn't having an affair, then I'm pretty sure she would've jumped your bones already. Think about it." Spike stood up and walked to where the twins were sitting. A few moments later he watched as Riley got up and walked into the kitchen.
"Where's Daddy going?" Kennedy asked Spike.
Spike shrugged his shoulders. He'd done his part. He just hoped that would make Buffy happy. When she had proposed earlier that he help her, he had been a little reluctant, not knowing why she wanted Riley to believe that she was having an affair, but she had promised to explain it all later.
In the kitchen, Riley took out his cell phone and dialed the hospital. "Yes, I need to find out if one of the doctors has been in. Summers-Finn, Buffy. Uh-huh. Oh, she has? Well, is she still there? Do you know what time she left?" Riley asked. He looked at his watch. "Oh, well, thank you," he told the lady that had answered the phone before he hung up. "I really hope you're home, Buffy," he said to himself as he dialed his home number. The phone rang a few times, then the answering machine came on. "Dammit!" he cursed as he slammed his phone shut. "Where the hell are you?"
Sunnydale, 2000
"Xander, I am *so* scared…I don't know what these things mean, what they are supposed to foretell, but I can't take seeing them anymore. Please, I am begging you, please make them stop."
Xander pulled her tighter into his arms, kissing the top of her head. "It's going to be fine, Buff. Willow and Graham are desperately trying to find some sort of spell and Willow never lets you down. You're going to be okay. Just…try to sleep."
Xander looked over Buffy's head to her concerned boyfriend who was sitting a few feet away, watching them. "No, I can't sleep. That's when they come. I can't sleep!" she yelled at Xander as Willow and Graham came out of the house.
"Did you find anything?" Riley asked immediately, jumping to his feet.
Willow looked quickly at Graham. "Not really, but I found this one spell, it may work. May, I use the term very loosely. It's most of my own spellcasting and some stuff from my spellbook. But you have to trust me, Buffy, the rest of you, too. I'm not sure how it'll turn out."
They watched as Xander helped Buffy to her feet. She wobbled a bit, but was able to walk on her own two feet. "Will, I trust you. Just make these damn things stop," Buffy told Willow as she walked past her into the house.
Willow ushered Graham and Xander off to her bedroom to collect all the ingredients for the spell, leaving Buffy alone with Riley. For a while they just stood there, staring at each other. By the time Buffy had opened her mouth to speak, the gang was walking back into the room.
Graham and Xander moved the coffee table to the side, and then they laid a blanket on the floor. Willow threw a white pillow down, then instructed the guys to surround the blanket with candles, in a circle. Before lighting them, Willow told Buffy to step into the circle and lay down on the blanket.
One by one the candles were lit, the cinnamon smell floating into the air. The four remaining people sat around the circle, each armed with an ingredient: Riley held a feather, Xander held a packet of spices and Graham held a dead rat. He was turning green, but he managed to keep his dinner in check.
Willow looked around at her friends then down at Buffy. "Okay, you ready?" she asked her best friend. Buffy nodded. Willow looked at the guys who all nodded, though Riley looked a little worried. She reasoned that it was normal since he loved Buffy and he was scared for her.
Willow was about to start the spell when Buffy said, "Wait." She asked Buffy if anything was wrong, but the Slayer insisted that there wasn't. "If this doesn't work, if something happens I just want you to know that I love you, Will. And if these visions were real, I wish you and Graham all the happiness in the world in your marriage."
She craned her neck to look at Xander. "You, too, Xand, with your marriage to Anya. I love you." Then, her eyes landed on Riley. She wanted to say something to him so badly, but she just couldn't form the words. Instead she fell back against the pillow and told Willow to start it.
As Willow started chanting, Buffy's eyes closed and her mind drifted. Willow told her to picture a small sphere and pretend that she was trapped inside it. She did this all the while Willow took the other ingredients from her friends, throwing them into the small cauldron on the side of her. She saw that Buffy's breathing was beginning to steady and she felt a sigh of relief. She lit a match throwing it into the cauldron. The four of them watched as a green smoke filtered out of the cauldron, wafting across Buffy's body. Now, all they had to do was wait.
Sunnydale, 2007
He shook his head as what he'd just listened to sunk in. "I just don't understand why you are making me do this. I mean you love him, no? Why do you want to make him believe you are having an affair?" Spike asked her.
Buffy took a deep breath as she stared up at the dark sky. "Because, Spike, it'll be easier this way. I am only trouble for him. He can't possibly still want me after all the shit that I have put him through. And the past few months…he needs someone that can make love to him. I can't."
She felt Spike take her hand; she let him. Spike had become a loyal friend over the years. When Emmy couldn't help her, Spike would. She knew that when Emmy found out what she was up to that she would highly disapprove, but she had no choice. This was best for all of them.
"You love him, Buffy. You can't deny that. You've worn that wedding ring with pride since that day he put it back on your finger. Are you going to tell me that you are just going to slip it off and hand it back to him? Are you just going to pack your things and turn your back on him?" he asked her.
"No, Spike, I'm not. He is. I am going to make him leave me. I can't disappoint him any longer. I can't have him sticking around waiting for me to get over this miscarriage because I'm not sure I ever will. I need him to move on. I want him to be happy and he just can't be if he stays with me. Will you help me or not?" she asked him.
Spike sighed. He had no choice but to help her. She'd helped him over the years and if this was what she truly wanted, then he just couldn't stand by and not help her. "Of course I'll help. What do you need me to do?"
Days later…
Riley was in the living room when she came home from work. He was just sitting there, staring at the TV. Literally, staring at it. He wasn't watching just staring. "You're late. Where've you been?" he asked, not looking up at her.
"At work. You knew that. Though, I did go out with Emmy after we got off," she told him as she shed her jacket, putting it neatly on a hanger in the hall closet. Walking into the living room, she asked, "So, where are the munchkins?"
This was the day. Spike had been feeding him lies the past few days of seeing her with other guys and he said that Riley was starting to believe him. She hoped that he was right. She needed him to believe Spike. She knew that it would hurt after he left, but she just needed him to move on. She couldn't have him sticking around waiting for her. He deserved to be happy. He certainly couldn't be happy with her.
"Upstairs. They're asleep. They refused to go to sleep until you read them the next chapter of Charlotte's Web, but we laid down in our bed and watched Beauty and the Beast. We didn't even get to the part where Belle's father is taken by the beast and they were out."
Okay, Buffy, Spike promised to do his part, now you have to do yours, she told herself. She walked across the room to where he sat on the sofa. She climbed onto his lap, her legs straddling his. "So, honey, how was your day?" she asked, running her fingers through his thick, dirty blonde hair.
What the hell was she doing? "Buffy, what are you doing?" he asked her, staring up at her with an annoyed pair of blue eyes. Considering what he'd learned about his wife over the past week, he wasn't sure if he knew her anymore. Could she really be having an affair? Would she really do that? If she was, why?
"What do you mean?" she asked him as she began nibbling on his neck. God, this is going to be so hard. I don't know if I am going to be able to let him go. She nibbled and sucked until she was sure she'd left a mark. Maybe that would scare the girls away for a while…they would think he was with someone.
Riley grabbed onto her shoulders, pushing her back. "What the hell is going on, Buffy? Are you drunk?" he asked her.
"No. Is it so out of character for me to want to make love to you?"
He pushed her off his lap, rising to his feet. He began pacing the living room floor, running a hand through his hair. "Considering that you haven't wanted to for the past six months, yes, it is a little weird." He watched as Buffy walked toward him and began unbuttoning her blouse.
"Well, that has all changed, Riley. I want you. Right now, right here," she said, stripping off her blouse and tossing it behind her head.
As much as he wanted her, this was all wrong. Something was wrong with her. When she started unbuttoning the buttons of his shirt, he let her. He wanted to see how far she was going to take this. But when she got to the waistband of his jeans, he grabbed her hands, stopping her. "What's going on, Buffy? I want to know. This isn't you."
Buffy grabbed her blouse, slipping it back over her shoulders. With her back to him, she simply said, "I want you to leave, Riley." When his exasperated 'what?' came, she turned on him. "I said I want you to leave. I want you to pack your bags and I want you out. We can't go on living a lie. We don't have a perfect marriage. We haven't had one for a long time. Why bother hanging on? Let's just call it quits now and maybe we can save this so that we can have something that resembles a friendship."
All he could ask was, "Why?"
"There's a couple hundred, but I'm pretty sure you know why," she said a little more bitterly than she'd intended. Keep this up, Buffy. Be cold, be harsh. You have to be if you want him to leave without question.
She noticed how his jaw was flinching; how he flexed his fists. "So it's true, then. You are having an affair." He could barely believe the words as they came out of his mouth. It was the first time he'd said them aloud. "Who is he, Buffy? Does he work at the hospital with you? How long has this been going on? I want to know. Now!" he yelled at her.
She shook her head. "All that matters is that we are through. It doesn't matter who he is, Riley." She started out of the room when he grabbed her wrist, pulling her forcefully against his chest.
"The hell it does! It does matter…to me! Maybe this marriage didn't mean anything to you, but it did…it does to me. How long have you been sleeping around Buffy? Two, three months? Why did you feel that you had to have an affair?" he asked her.
"C'mon, Riley, don't be so naïve. I've never been a one-guy girl. You know that. Even when we were dating, there was always some other guy: Graham, Xander, or Angel. You even said it yourself; I could have any guy I want. You were right. I could. I'm a young girl. I shouldn't be tied down to one guy. I should be out living my life," she told him. She looked down at her hand and with a held breath, slipped off her wedding ring. "Here. I don't need this anymore. The guy that I've been seeing doesn't wear his so I shouldn't need to wear mine."
Riley closed his fist around the band, his eyes turning stone cold. "You were fucking a married man?" He couldn't help but laugh. "God, I can't believe I kidded myself that you were worth waiting for. I've been patient all these months. I've given you time, thinking that you'd get past losing our baby, but…" his words stopped suddenly. "Was it even mine?"
"I guess we'll never know."
"You're really a cold hearted bitch, aren't you? You are going to fuck up our children's lives just for some play on the side. I thought you were better than this, Buffy. I remained loyal to you all these months because I loved you, because I didn't want anybody else, but yet while I was holding on tighter, you were loosening the reins."
"What happened to what we had? We used to be so in love. We used to actually make love. Where did all that passion go?"
It was a good question. She wished that she could tell him, give him so sort of an explanation, but she couldn't. As much as she wanted to, she couldn't. "I don't know, Riley. You just weren't cutting it for me any longer."
Those words pierced his heart. "Okay. Fine. You want me out, then I'll respect you and leave. I'll be back tomorrow to get my things."
Buffy walked to the window, watching as he backed out of the driveway, peeling down the road. "Bye, Riley…" she whispered as the first tear fell from her eyes.
Riley had no idea where he was headed. Buffy had wanted him to leave so he did. He hadn't wanted to, but after hearing her say what she did…how could he stay and look at her? She'd had an affair. He still couldn't believe it.
His foot moved from the gas pedal to the brake when he came to a red light. He turned off the AC, rolling down the window. He needed fresh air. He needed to clear his head. He reached for the radio dial, scanning through radio stations until he found a station that played loud, really loud music. He thought twice about putting on some country music, but the first station he'd stopped on was playing, "I Know She Still Loves Me."
"God, I wish I knew that," he muttered to himself as the light turned green. He had no idea whatsoever what the song was that was playing. He couldn't even distinguish one word, but he really didn't care.
He wanted to know what happened to his marriage. A few days ago, Buffy was reacting to him, whispering how much she needed and wanted him and then all of sudden she does a total one eighty and she's throwing him out. He could've handled if she were drunk and that had been the reason that she had been acting so strange, but for her to…he was still having trouble believing that she'd had an affair. His Buffy. His beautiful, warm, innocent Buffy had slept with another man.
Closing his eyes, he tried to picture her with someone else. He even tried picturing her with Graham or Angel, but he just couldn't. Everytime he tried to picture her with another man, he came up with images of their lovemaking sessions.
As he turned down Astor Drive, he tried desperately to remember the last time he had been with Buffy. He wracked his brain to remember…finally, he remembered that the last time they'd made love was the night Buffy had come home from work to tell him that she was pregnant. That night was clearly etched in his mind.
He'd been upstairs in the shower when Buffy had gotten home. He'd heard the door slam and heard her call his name so he finished his shower, dressed quickly in a pair of flannel pajama pants, then headed downstairs. He found her standing in the living room holding a baby picture of the twins. "Hey, you're back late. Problem at work?" he asked her.
Without looking at him, she'd simply said, "Yeah, you could say that," her eyes drifting down to her stomach. For a while he'd just watched her; watching her stare at the picture. After a few minutes she'd replaced the picture back on the shelf, then walked into the kitchen; he'd followed her.
"Where are the twins?" she'd asked him. He could tell that something was wrong with her. She couldn't, or wouldn't, look him in the eye. That was his first clue. The second was that she kept playing with her wedding ring. She always played with her wedding ring when she was nervous or if she had something on her mind.
Unable to take her silence anymore he said, "The twins are upstairs asleep." He wrapped his arms around her waist, turning her around to face him. "Okay, now what is all this about?" he asked her. She opened her mouth to speak, but instead, she lunged for the sink. "Buffy, God, honey, are you okay? Is this that flu you've had? This is really getting serious. You have got to see a doctor," he told her as he held back her hair, kissing her neck softly.
After rinsing out the sink and splashing her face with warm water she turned around to face him. Running a hand through her hair she said, "I've seen the doctor already, Riley. That's why I was late tonight." She watched his face; those blue eyes so focused on her. She knew that she was being a dramaqueen about this, but she wasn't sure if Riley would be happy. This was an unexpected surprise. They'd been trying to get pregnant for the longest time. Maybe that was why she'd suddenly gotten pregnant…they had given up all hope. "God, I don't know if I can do this," she said.
Riley took hold of her shoulders, his eyes bearing into hers. She was scaring him. "What's going on? Are you sick? Are you…you aren't dying, are you? Because I don't know if I could handle that…Please tell me that you aren't."
Buffy wrapped her arms around Riley, running her hands through his hair. "Riley, I'm fine. I have…I have this condition, though," she whispered in his ear.
He closed his eyes. He knew what was coming. He could feel it. It just hadn't been normal for her to be sick this long. He should've expected it. "Is it…is it fatal? Will it go away?" he asked, worriedly. He didn't want to lose her. He couldn't imagine his life without her if she…
She leaned back, staring into his eyes. She wanted to see the reaction on his face when she told him. She cupped his face in her hands, her fingers brushing across his cheeks. "No, my condition is not fatal. It's temporary. Another…eight months and it'll be gone," she said, smiling.
The smile on her face told him everything that he needed to know. Gripping her shoulders tightly he asked, "You're…no? You mean that you're…?" All she could do was nod. "You mean to tell me that it's finally happened? We're finally having another baby?" When he looked up at her, there were tears in her eyes.
He dropped to his knees, kissing her stomach. "That's why you've been sick."
"Yeah. Today at work…I wasn't feeling good. Emmy was concerned so she forced me to have some tests done. Conclusively, they came back telling me that I was pregnant. It has finally happened, Riley. We're going to have another baby."
He'd pulled her into his arms, kissing her passionately with everything that he had. Then, lifting her into his arms began spinning her around. "A baby!" He stopped, staring into her eyes. She was glowing.
He set her on her feet in front of him, brushing the tips of his thumbs across her lips. "So, you're happy about this? I mean, you're not mad?" she asked him.
"Mad? How could I be mad? This is the best news. Buffy this is a miracle. A sheer, beautiful miracle. Why do you think I'd be mad?" he asked her.
She shook her head as she moved out of his embrace. "This was just unexpected, Riley. We'd given up trying, thinking that we weren't destined to have another child. And now…when I got sick we didn't even think that I could be pregnant. So it makes me wonder. Should I get rid of it? I mean, you might not want this baby."
He walked to her, lifting her off the floor, placing her on the counter so that he was eye to eye with her. "You are insane. You do know that, right? What makes you think that I wouldn't want this baby? We made it…together. You and me." He took her hands in his, kissing each softly. "That's priceless. Now, I don't wanna hear anymore talk of getting rid of this baby or nonsense as such. Got it?" She nodded, leaning in to kiss him softly on his lips. "What do you say we celebrate?" he asked her, a twisted smirk on his face.
"What do you suggest?"
He waved his eyebrows suggestively at her as he turned his back to her. "C'mon. Hop on. I'll carry you." She'd debated a moment, then wrapped her legs around his waist, her arms around his neck and let him carry her piggy-back up the stairs as she nibbled on his neck.
He was silent until they reached their bedroom. He kissed her softly as he closed and locked the door, then he flung her down onto the bed, sending her into fits of giggles. Staring down into her eyes, he asked, "Are you okay? You're not feeling sick or anything, are you?"
Staring into his passion glazed eyes, she knew what he was asking and she wanted nothing more from him. "I'm fine, Riley. I can do this," she assured him as he leaned down to kiss her again, but she put her hands flat against his chest, pushing him away. "I have to do something." She pushed him off of her and walked toward the door.
He'd walked to the door and watched as she stopped in front of the twins' room. She'd debated walking in for a few moments before she pushed open the door. He watched as she kissed each one whispering how much she loved them. They stirred for a few moments, slurring their "I love you's" back to her.
"They're so beautiful, aren't they? So perfect…" she said, leaning against his chest.
"Just like their mother." Then, he'd taken her hand and led her back to the bedroom.
That night had been so special for the both of them. She'd been so responsive to him that night, letting him do whatever he pleased to her. He hadn't remembered a night when he'd felt closer to her. Now, though, he didn't feel at all close to her. In fact, he felt very far away from her.
He parked his car in front of the Lonestar, a bar on the outskirts of Sunnydale. Inside, he ordered a beer and a shot of Tequila Rose and sat by himself in a booth seat. The bar was empty except for the bartender and a couple on the dancefloor, dancing to seriously depressing country music. Sitting there, he wondered what happened to his marriage. How had he let it go this far? What had he done? And what could he do to fix it?
"Please tell me I heard you wrong. Please tell me I did not hear that. Why would you do that? I should have known better than sending you home alone. And he just left? What did you tell him to make him leave?" Emmy asked a distraught Buffy.
Buffy stared out the window at the falling rain. Riley had just left when it had started to rain. That had been over three hours ago. She felt so guilty now lying to him and throwing him out. But she'd had no choice in the matter. She couldn't have him hanging around her, waiting for her to return to her old self. It wouldn't be fair to either of them.
"Buffy? You still there?"
"Oh, yeah, sorry, Emmy. Just got sidetracked for a moment. I just told him…does it really matter what I told him? It just matters that he's gone. I succeeded Emmy. He left me…" Buffy said, trying to choke back the tears that were threatening to pool over.
"Are you going to be okay? Do you need me to go over?"
"No, I'll be fine. Once the initial shock wears off I'll be fine. Don't worry about me. Go see about your husband and your kids. I'll talk to you tomorrow." Buffy hung up with Emmy before anything further could be said. "He's not coming back, Buffy." She slid off the sofa and ambled upstairs to her bedroom. No need in waiting up for someone who wasn't coming back.
A few hours later, Riley quietly let himself into the house. He peered into the dark house seeing that candles were lit. The power must've gone out, he reasoned. He took off his wet clothes, collecting them and carrying them to the laundry room at the end of the hallway. He changed into a pair of clean flannel pajamas then trudged upstairs.
He'd driven around Sunnydale for the past few hours, trying to grasp what Buffy had told him. A part of him wanted to believe that she was telling the truth, that she'd been having an affair, but every other part of him was saying that she was lying. That she was doing it purposefully to make him leave. But why? Why would she want him to leave her? After all they'd shared together. Their six years of marriage, their two children. You would think that she'd try her damnedest to preserve that. No, instead, she was pushing him away.
There was no way that she was getting rid of him that easy. No siree. They had pledged to live their lives together until death, besides, he didn't believe in divorce. He would die before he let her turn her back on their marriage and what they had…what they still had.
He pushed the door to their bedroom open, seeing her sleeping figure in the bed. As he neared the bed, he realized that she was sleeping solely in her bra and panties, the blankets were kicked to the side. He climbed into bed beside her, turning on his side to face her. He caressed her cheek softly. She leaned into his touch, murmuring his name softly. "Shh! It's okay. Go to sleep. We'll talk tomorrow," he whispered, kissing her forehead softly.
"Don't leave."
"I won't. I promise," he told her.
Her eyes opened, locking with his. "Riley?"
"Hmm?" he asked, staring into those beautiful green eyes of hers. He could get lost in those eyes. He had on numerous occasions.
"Hold me." It was an honest, heartfelt request and he was happy to oblige. He pulled her into his arms, her head resting against his chest, her blonde hair tickling his skin. He was aware of her hand on his crotch, but he could really care less. He fell asleep with her in his arms and there was nowhere else he longed to be.
Sunnydale, 2000
"Are we just going to leave her just lying there on the floor for the rest of the night?" Graham asked Willow as she blew out the candles surrounding Buffy's body. The spell had gone off without a hitch and now Buffy was peacefully sleeping on the floor. "Cuz you know it don't look very comfortable especially for her."
Willow gave her boyfriend an annoyed look, then turned to Riley. "Would you mind carrying her to her bed?" Without another word, he pulled his sleeping girlfriend into his arms, heading down the long hallway with her cradled against his chest. He took off her boots and managed to change her into her pajamas. He eased her gently against the pillows, pulling the coverlet up over her body.
He left her for a moment, walking back into the living room as Graham and Xander were returning the coffee table to its rightful place. "Will, do you mind if I stay here with her tonight? I want to be there in case she has another one of those dreams or visions or whatever."
Willow smiled politely at Riley. Buffy was really lucky to have him and vice versa. They really deserved one another. She nodded her head and watched with a smile as Riley turned to walk back down the hall to Buffy's bedroom. "You guys wanna stay here tonight? It's the least I can do for you since I was responsible for dragging you out of your beds."
"Do we both get to sleep with you?" Xander asked, welcoming the glare from Graham with a smile. "Sorry, bad joke. I'll take the couch."
On the other side of the apartment, Riley closed the door to Buffy's bedroom softly not wanting to wake her for she was finally sleeping. He stripped to his boxers, then climbed into bed beside her, gathering her in his arms. As he drifted off to sleep, he hoped that the spell worked and it cured the visions that she'd been having.
San Francisco, 2007
"Oh, come on, Rupert. I know you are dying to see her just as much as I am. It’ll be fun. She hasn’t been back here since she lost the baby. I think there’s too many bad memories. C’mon, say yes," Joyce prodded her husband.
Rupert Giles would love nothing more than to go to Sunnydale to see his Slayer/step-daughter, but the fact of the matter was he couldn’t just drop his work to indulge his wife however much he wanted to see his grandchildren. Okay, so they weren’t really his grandchildren, but it had become a force of habit for him to look at them as his since he’d married Joyce. But even before then, the twins had been calling him ‘Grandpa’. He didn’t mind the title either.
As he looked over at his wife, seeing her staring down at a picture of her children, he couldn’t say no. "When do you want to go?" he asked, looking back at his paper.
The happiness was very evident on her face. He loved to see her happy. He prided himself on making her happy. After his relationship with Olivia had ended so abruptly, he’d thought that he’d never find another woman. Then, one day in San Francisco, he’d run into Joyce. The attraction was still there. She had tried to resist it at first, but in the end she had succumbed.
They had managed to keep their relationship from Buffy for over a year, but one day Buffy had stopped by for a visit at his apartment and found her mother there. That had been the day it had all been revealed. At first he’d seen the anger in her eyes, but she didn’t stay mad. She had simply said that if two people deserved to be happy it was the two of them. He was grateful that Buffy had been so understanding about his relationship with Joyce. He had expected her to flip out and when she didn’t…well, to say the least he was happy.
Joyce couldn’t wait to go see Buffy. The last time she’d talked to Riley he said that she was still mourning the death of the baby that she’d lost. "I’m going to call Buffy right now and tell her to expect us," Joyce declared, slipping off of the sofa to grab the phone from the table beside Giles, but he grabbed her hand.
"Leave her be. It’ll be a surprise when we show up," Giles told her as he pulled her onto his lap, silencing her before she could protest with a deep kiss.
Sunnydale, 2007
Buffy woke up, strong arms wrapped around her body, her head resting on a warm chest. She didn’t have to turn to know whose body it was that she was nestled so close to. His skin was warm underneath her cheek and she couldn’t help but ache with need for him.
Remembering what had happened the night before she wondered what he was doing back. She’d thought that after telling him she’d had an affair that he would be long gone, but he wasn’t. He was there, lying beside her, cradling her in his arms. She had half a mind to stay there with him, but she couldn’t. As much as she loved him and needed him, she needed him to be far away from her.
Sliding out of bed, she grabbed her robe, pulling it on, tying the sash in a tight knot. She walked downstairs to find the twins sitting in front of the TV watching Sylvester and Tweety. She told them good morning, but they barely registered her being there so she crossed into the kitchen. Picking up the phone, she walked outside, sitting on the swing as she dialed Spike’s number.
"Bloody hell, it’s seven in the morning. What can I do you for?" his groggy and grouchy voice answered.
"Spike, it’s me."
As if her voice was an aphrodisiac, he was wide-awake. "Buffy, oh, good, um, so how did last night go. Did the poor chap leave?" he asked. He still couldn’t believe that Buffy was pushing soldier boy away, but that was what she wanted and he respected that.
She sighed deeply, staring up at the clear blue sky. From last night to that morning, the weather had totally changed. It would’ve been fine with her if it would rain from then on out just so that it would fit her mood, but her children loved to be outside so she couldn’t wish that. "No, Spike. He left for a while, but he came back. I don’t know why he came back, but he did. Spike, I need him to leave for good. What can I do?"
Spike took a deep breath. He had promised to make Riley go away so that she could lead a more relaxed life without him so he couldn’t let her down. "Well, luv, what you have to do is let him see you with another guy. That’ll end it for sure. Give me some time and I’ll see what I can do."
"Thanks, Spike." She hung up immediately and turned around to find Riley standing behind her. "What are you doing back? You were supposed to leave," she told him as she moved past him into the kitchen.
She couldn’t have him here. She hoped that Spike found something really soon because she was afraid that if Riley stayed there longer than he was supposed to that she probably wouldn’t be able to let him go.
"I was supposed to leave? Glad to know that I am wanted around here," he said sarcastically as he walked toward her. "Why can’t I stay in my own house? Come on, Buff, give some ammo here," he said, wrapping his arms around her tiny little waist. God, how he loved her lavish curves. She was so beautiful, now, especially. He knew that she was the kind of woman that would make any man jump at the chance to have an affair. That was partly why he was having trouble believing her. "Tell me why you don’t want me here, honey. Tell me why you no longer want me," he whispered in her ear.
What was he doing? He was definitely making it harder for her. But he was probably doing that on purpose. His breath on her neck was hot and breathy and it was driving her wild. "Riley…don’t. Please, don’t."
He bit down gently on her neck. "Don’t what, Buffy? What don’t you want me to do?" he asked, forcing her around, throwing her back into the wall, pinning her wrists above her head. He saw the fear in her eyes. He didn’t want to hurt her. He just wanted to know what was making her push him away. "Tell me Buffy. Tell me what you want."
"Riley, you’re hurting me."
He grinned at her, which she found very alarming. "Tell me what I want and I won’t hurt you," he said, pausing to kiss her lips softly. "You know I would never hurt you, Buffy. I love you. But you obviously don’t love me." Staring straight into her eyes he asked, "Do you Buffy? Do you love me?"
Tears fell from her eyes. He would make her say it, wouldn’t he? He wouldn’t rest until he heard those words for himself. But she was afraid what would happen if she told him what he wanted. She was afraid what it would do to her heart…and to his. "Don’t, Riley. I can’t…"
He hadn’t wanted to make her cry. He hated to see her cry. He wiped away her tears as he spread her legs with his knee. "Don’t cry. I won’t hurt you. I promise you. Have I ever broke a promise?" he whispered. "You broke all the promises."
They both knew that if she really wanted to, she could do real harm to him, but Buffy had never used her Slayer strength to ward off Riley. No matter how many arguments they’d had, she never once fought him. It was her loyalty as a wife. Some loyalty, she thought, I’m making him believe that I am screwing around on him.
His grip on her wrists relaxed, his hands dropping to her waist. "You’re the one, Buffy, that broke all the vows that we made to another. Never, *never*, in a million years would I have thought that you would fuck around on me. I would never, ever, cheat on you. I love and respect you *too* much to do such a thing. Even after everything that happened with Randa…I swore to myself that I would get you back. I wouldn’t let her come between us, but, yet, I let our own child come between us."
The sincerity and hurt in his voice did things to her that she couldn’t even start to describe. She hated to hurt him; she hated to see him hurting. What more could she do? She had to give him a way out. This was it. She knew that if she let him stay solely because he loved her, that she would only make him miserable.
So, instead, she just stood there, paralyzed, letting him hold her against the wall as his words hit every fragile place in her body, in her heart, and in her soul. "When did it change…and why? We’ve always been happy. When we found out about the new baby, God those first few weeks were blissful for us. Remember how we started picking out names right away." She watched as his face softened thinking about it. "We would just lie there in bed. You would flip through the book while I rested my head in your lap and you would read the names that you liked to me. Then, in the midst of one week--in one week I lost everything: My marriage, my baby and my wife."
He took a deep breath to steady the lump that was forming in his throat. He couldn’t let her see how weak he was. He wanted nothing more than to cry, but he held that in. He couldn’t let her see that. He *wouldn’t* let her see that. "Riley, I--" He put a finger over her mouth.
"Buffy," just saying her name made him upset; though, more angry than upset. His fingers dug hard into her arms. "Our marriage is nonrepairable now, but I guess that--" he stopped suddenly when the phone rang. He let her go long enough to let her answer it.
"Hello?" she turned away from him so he couldn’t hear. "I can’t talk right now. He’s right here. Um, we’ll talk later. I promise. Yes, I…" Riley ripped the phone out of her hand, holding it against his ear.
"Who’s this?" he asked into the phone. "Is this him?" he asked Buffy. She could only look down at the floor. "Yeah, that’s what I thought," he said, through gritted teeth. "Don’t call here again," he said into the phone, before slamming it down on the counter, exploding it into pieces.
"Come with me," he said, grabbing her arm. Reluctant to fight him, she let him lead her to the staircase. Once there, the twins ran out of the living room.
"Mommy? What’s going on?" Kennedy inquired.
She put on a smile for them. "Nothing, darling. Just stay down here. Daddy has to show me something. Go back in the living room and watch TV with Logan." Once Kennedy was back in the living room, Riley led her up the stairs and into their bedroom, throwing her down onto the bed and locking the door behind them.
She couldn’t even summon the strength to move after he threw her down onto the bed. She was actually scared of him. She had never seen his eyes so dark. She hadn’t thought that Riley’s eyes could get the midnight blue that they were then. He climbed on top of her, his legs straddling her waist, his hands gripping her forearms tightly. Any other woman and he probably would’ve hurt her, but she, being the Slayer, could handle his grip.
"You want to end this marriage…that’s fine by me. You want to sleep with another man that’s fine by me, too. But…before you fuck him again, you’ll have to fuck me first," he said matter of factly as he tugged open her robe.
She didn’t blame him. For her to hold him at arm’s length for the better part of a year, then to tell him that she was having an affair. Not once had Riley ever been so forceful with her. But this Riley, this Riley was outraged. She couldn’t be mad with him. She was mad at herself. Just as mad as he was with her. She watched as he paused to take off his shirt, then lean down to kiss her fully on the mouth. Reluctant at first, she gave into him, wrapping her arms around his neck and opening her mouth to him.
What was she doing? Better question: What was *he* doing? He had never *EVER* treated Buffy this way. He’d always let her see the loving, gentleman that his mother had brought him up to be. He’d swore to himself that he’d never disrespect her. But he hadn’t been the disrespectful one, now had he? No, he’d been the loyal husband, but she, she had gone out and had the affair.
"We used to be *so* good together, Buffy," he told her. "There was a time when you would burn with desire for me," he whispered in her ear, covering her sex with his hand. "Remember our nights together? Those hot, *sweaty* nights." He cleared his throat. "Does he make you cum like I do? Does it feel as good with him as it did with me?" He didn’t even want to hear her answer.
He made quick work of shedding her of her panties and bra so she lay naked beneath him. His hand snaked its way down her body, laving in the feel of her feather soft skin. When he reached her sex, he toyed with her for a moment, slipping one finger, just one, in, to see if she was ready for him, but the words that came out of his mouth were so horrid that they disgusted even him. "Is that for me…or him?" She had only looked up at him and blinked. "Just tell me Buffy and I’ll leave here without another look back. I swear you say those four words and I won’t bother you again."
Fine. If that would get him out of her life. "I don’t love you." When she felt a hot tear reach her skin she immediately regretted the words. She watched as he pulled on his shirt and began sifting through his closet for a pair of jeans. In a matter of minutes, he was dressed with a bag packed.
At the door he stopped, his back to her, saying, "I’ll always love you, Buffy. That’ll never change. Just remember that. There will never be anyone else for me, but you." She watched as he put her wedding ring on the dresser. "You’re the only one that deserves that…even after this. I’m sorry." Then, he was out the door. She managed to fly out of bed, tightening her robe, bounding down the stairs after him.
As he flung open the door, a tall, dark haired guy stood there ready to knock. "Who are you?" Riley asked the guy.
"I’m here to see Buffy."
"Bryant." Buffy breathed the words. She had saved his life one night and since then he’d been indebted to her. This must have been the guy that Spike had called. She hadn’t talked to Bryant in weeks, though. He was an obstetrician down at the hospital, but Riley didn’t know that. Bryant was the only one at the hospital that knew about her night activities and he vowed not to tell a soul.
Riley turned to look at her. Seeing the look on her face, he knew it was true. He turned back to the guy standing in the doorway. "Treat her right," were his last words before he walked past Bryant and out of her life.
Buffy’s legs suddenly turned to Jell-O and she fell to the floor. Bryant rushed in, closing the door behind himself as he fell to his knees beside her, cradling her to him. "He’s gone, Bryant. I did it. I succeeded. He left…and he’s never coming back. I can count on that."
"That’s what you wanted, though, right?"
She shook her head as she looked up at him, letting the tears fall. "All my life…since I could remember…all I’ve ever wanted was Riley. Only Riley. I know that if I let him stay, he would. I couldn’t have that. I love him too much, Bryant."
"Mommy?" she heard the double voices behind her. She turned around, her children looking down at her. Looking at Logan, into his eyes, those eyes that reminded her so much of Riley, pierced her heart so much so that it got harder for her to breathe as she began to regret what she’d just done.
"What’s wrong, guys?" she asked them as they crossed to her and sat down on her lap.
"We heard Daddy yelling. Where is Daddy going?" Kennedy asked.
"Why are you crying, Mommy?" Logan asked her, reaching up with his tiny hand to wipe the tears from her cheek.
She smiled down at her children. They were all she had left, besides Spike and Emmy and her job that was. "I’m just sad that’s all. Why don’t you two go upstairs and get dressed? I need to talk to this man for a second." They each hugged her then ran upstairs.
"They’re good kids," Bryant remarked.
Buffy watched as they reached the landing, turning towards their room. "That they are, Bryant. Very good. So, did Spike send you over here?"
He nodded. "Spike said that since I owed you my life this would be the time to pay you back. He just said to come over here and act like we were having an affair. Could I ask why? Spike kinda filled me in over the phone, but I’m still curious."
"I can’t talk about it right now. Right now I just want to get out of here. I think I’m gonna take my kids to the beach for today. I need to clear my head and they’ve wanted to go. So, if it’s not too much trouble could you tell Spike thanks for his help and that I’ll talk to him soon," she told Bryant as she walked him towards the door. "And thank you, too."
He smiled, leaning forward to kiss her on the cheek. "Anytime." She stood in the doorway, watching as he backed out of the driveway, then turned walking back into the house. As she was headed upstairs the phone rang. Not wanting to deal with anybody, especially Emmy after the morning she’d had, she continued walking up the stairs, ignoring it. The answering machine would pick it up anyhow.
Riley sped through town not exactly knowing where he was going. He couldn’t go very far because he had no intention of abandoning his children. He wanted to be close to them if something happened or if something happened to Buffy. He would never forgive himself if something happened to her.
Why couldn’t he be mad at her? He should be infuriated at her for lying to him and cheating on him, but for some reason, he couldn’t be. He didn’t know what to do about this. Buffy was…is his life. His whole universe revolved around her, them, their family. What was he supposed to do without her now? Where was he supposed to go now?
He debated going up to Berkeley to be with Forrest or going to San Francisco to stay with Joyce and Giles, but he couldn’t make himself leave Sunnydale. So, instead, he headed in the direction of Matt and Emmy’s. Maybe they could put up with him for a few days.
Emmy had been in the backyard pulling clothes from the clothesline when she saw Riley’s car pull up in the drive. Sighing, she dropped her clothes into the basket at her feet and walked through the gate, meeting him as he stepped out of the car. "Riley," she muttered his name softly.
He could only look at her and smile politely like he always did. She took his hand in hers, leading him toward the backyard. "C’mon. You can tell me about it while you help me with my clothes."
Sunnydale, 2000
"It still hasn’t worked, Willow," Xander whispered to her as he busily washed dished, not wanting Buffy to overhear their conversation. The Slayer was sitting in the living room, her head buried in Graham’s lap, Riley at her feet, all concentration buried in the movie that they were watching.
"Xander, these spells don’t just happen at the snap of your fingers, you know. They take time, you know. Buffy hasn’t had one of those visions since the spell, though so that’s good.
"Yeah, fine, whatever. Am I the only one around here that’s worried about her?"
Willow shook her head as she dropped a few more dishes into the sink. "No, you’re not. We all are. Riley especially. Do you know that she still won’t…well, they haven’t…for some reason…oh, pooh, she won’t sleep with him."
Xander nodded. "Huh." That was all he could manage. What was he supposed to do? Put on a sad face and say "Oh, shucks that sucks." Well, he couldn’t say that. As much as he liked Riley and as much as he loved Anya, he still carried a torch for Buffy. It would take a while for that to burn out.
Wanting to steer the conversation to common ground, she asked, "So where’s Anya tonight? Usually you to are joined at the hip like Riley and Buffy. What happened?" she asked him.
Xander sighed as he started scrubbing pots. "Oh, well, Anya is going through this phase right now. She thinks that I’m…what was that word she used? A pig headed ape." Willow stared at him. "Don’t ask. I don’t know what goes through her mind and I don’t even want to start trying to understand her. As long as I live I will never understand women."
"Join the club." They spun around to find Riley standing behind them.
Xander smiled at Riley. "I think you understand them pretty well. You understand when they don’t want to have sex with you, so you know that’s a good…" he trailed off when Willow elbowed him in the side. Apparently he’d said something that he wasn’t supposed to. Oops! He often made a habit of doing that.
Ignoring Xander’s comment, Riley turned and threw open the refrigerator. "Graham wanted a beer so I…" he took one of the bottles of Bud Light out of the icebox, then turned back to them, staring past them into the living room where Buffy was laughing softly. "Do you think she’s doing better?"
Willow followed the direction of his eyesight, nodding. "She’s laughing more, I guess that’s a good sign. Though, she’s been slaying less. She’s been letting Jules take up the slack and I’m not sure why so you don’t have to ask. I’m sure things between you two will get better soon. I just think that after being apart the entire summer, she doesn’t quite know where the two of you stand."
"Yeah, you’re probably right, Willow. Thanks. I just don’t like her being so close yet so far away. Things between us were good up until the visions started. Do you have any idea why she started having them?"
Willow shook her head. "I don’t know if there is a reason. I mean, maybe Buffy just channeled into something that she wasn’t supposed to or maybe, if it was the future that she was seeing, that something big is happening that Buffy needed warning."
"Have you talked to Giles about this?"
"Buffy refuses to tell him. She said that he’d get too Dear Abby on her. Not sure yet how to take that, but, I abide by what Buffy tells me to do. Buffy’ll get better. I’m sure of it. Let’s get back to the movie."
Riley watched as Willow and Xander headed back into the living room. Willow sat down beside Graham who wrapped his arm around her shoulders and Xander sat down beside Buffy, lifting her feet and placing them in his lap. After a few moments, he walked toward the backdoor and let himself out. He needed to clear his head about a few things.
Sunnydale, 2007
"Why are you so anxious to go see them, Graham? I know it’s been a few years but let’s just settle into this okay. Let’s get the kids settled and ourselves settled before we run to Buffy and Riley," Willow told her overzealous husband.
He pulled her into his arms, spinning them around in circles. "Willow, we’re back in Sunnydale. Our friends are merely a few blocks away. Can I help it if I am a little giddy?" he asked her, planting her back onto her feet.
"Honey, I know you are, but for all we know when we got there we might not go back to find them how we left them. You said it yourselves. Buffy and Riley have always been tested and maybe, just maybe, one of those tests they weren’t able to pass. Let’s, at least, wait until tomorrow."
Graham succumbed, falling back onto their hotel bed. The truck carrying all their furniture would be arriving the next day from Mississippi and he, anxious to get to Sunnydale to see Buffy and Riley, had suggested going a day early without their things to settle into their house. Though when they got to Sunnydale, they found out that the renters were repainting, retiling, and exterminating the entire house so they’d had to rent a hotel room. And with two small children, it wasn’t romantic nor cheap.
"Look, Mommy, cookies!" Nick exclaimed as he found the minibar. Turning to Willow he whispered, "Well, it looks like our bill is going to just as high as the cost for moving." He slid off the bed, scooping Georgina off the floor, throwing her playfully onto the bed with Willow.
"I think I am going to go for a drive," he announced, walking toward the dresser. Willow watched as he shoved his wallet into his pocket and began scouring the floor for his shoes.
"Graham, I know what you are up to."
He smiled at his wife as he pulled on his shoes. "I promise not to stop by. I just want to see for myself to ease my mind, that they are still together." He bent down and kissed her softly on the top of her head. "I’ll be back soon."
Emmy stood in her kitchen, peering into the living room where her husband sat with a sullen Riley, watching the basketball game on TV. She’d sent the kids up to bed shortly after dinner now here she stood, watching them. She had spent the majority of the morning talking to and consoling Riley.
He was so scared. He didn’t want to lose Buffy, but he respected her decision. She wanted him gone so he would. The fact that Buffy was having an "affair" didn’t seem to bother him as much as the fact that she "didn’t" love him anymore. She was so angry at Buffy for doing this to him. He was suffering so much because of the lie she’d told him. She understood Buffy’s point of view in it, but for her to push her husband away…
She walked into the living room, wrapping her arms around Matt’s neck, whispering in his ear, "I’m going out for a while. I’ll be back soon." She kissed him on the cheek, glancing at Riley out of the corner of her eye, catching him trying not to look.
For some reason he couldn’t take his eyes off of Emmy and Matt. They reminded him to so much of how he and Buffy used to act. When they first were married, when their friends were still around, they had been so happy. There were always little touches and whispers of devotion between them. Graham and Forrest had envied his relationship with Buffy for so long. If they only knew…
He watched as Emmy grabbed her purse and headed out the door. Turning to Matt he asked, "Where’s Emmy going?"
Matt turned to Riley. "Oh, um, she said that she had to go do something up town." Matt flipped off the TV. Neither were watching and he was pretty sure that Riley would much rather talk. "Come on, let’s get a drink." He led Riley back into the kitchen. While Riley sat at the table, he rummaged through the cabinets for the liquor. "What do you want? Tequila or Vodka."
Riley sighed. "Whichever. I really don’t feel like making a decision about anything right now," he told him, raking his fingers through his hair. Matt laid down two glasses in front of him along with a half empty bottle of vodka. After Matt had poured some in his glass he held it in his hand, staring at it. After a moment, he lifted it in Matt’s direction. "To love…it’s a bitch sometimes." He downed it, the liquid burning all the way down. He didn’t care.
Matt put his glass back on the table. "Riley, I don’t know how to go about saying anything to you that will take away your pain. I haven’t been in your situation, but I would like to try to help."
Riley shook his head as he refilled his glass. "You can’t help, Matt. I want to thank you for your hospitality, but there isn’t anything that you can do to help me. Buffy," his breath caught in his throat just saying her name. He looked back up at Matt. "You don’t understand. Buffy is my life. She’s been my whole world since we met in college. For years there were so many obstacles for us that we thought our marriage wouldn’t last: her ex-boyfriend was always coming between us, our friends thought that we were too young and then there was the matter of my ex-wife." He quickly added, "Don’t ask," when Matt’s eyes widened.
Matt knew that what he was about to say was going to get him in huge trouble with his wife, but he didn’t care. The man that sat in front of him way entirely too heartbroken. He needed his spirits lifted. "Riley, I’ll be honest with you, I don’t think that Buffy’s having an affair," Matt told Riley.
Sunnydale, 2007
He'd spent enough time with Buffy to know what kind of person she was. And she wasn't the kind of person to have an affair. Especially since everytime she spoke about Riley it was clearly evident in how she talked of him, how much in love with him was. Recalling a particular conversation with her, he knew that she wasn't, or couldn't, be having an affair.
Since Riley had been away in Iowa visiting his parents with the twins Buffy had dropped by after work one night, saying that she hadn't wanted to stay at home it being so quiet and all. Emmy had gotten stuck late at the hospital so for the first time, he'd really been able to talk to her. She'd helped him settle his kids in bed, then they'd adjourned into the living room with a bottle of wine and they'd talked.
"So, Emmy tells me that you and Riley met in college. Was it love at first sight?" he'd asked her. He had laughed when she'd recounted her first meeting with Riley, dropping the books on his head and managing to make a complete dolt out of herself in front of him.
"He looked at me like I was retarded, Matt. My friend, Willow, was there with me and he treated me like I was invisible. He was talking to her and every word that came out of my mouth he looked at me like `Does she need a dictionary?' It was awful."
She'd explained her marriage, in detail and everytime she voiced Riley's name her eyes just lit up. He thought it was so cute and when he'd point it out to her, she'd deny it and blush a pretty shade of pink. He had instantly liked Buffy. The girl had had some rough spots in her life, but she'd clearly said that Riley was the one thing that had brightened her life.
"I love him, Matt…with every part of me. I couldn't picture my life without him. If I ever lost him…I'm not sure what I would do."
That's why he didn't believe that Buffy was capable of having an affair. He'd seen the two of them together and there was so much there between them. So much history, so much love. To the casual observer they were a young couple in love. To the people that knew them best, they were just that.
Riley stared at Matt for a few moments. "Well, believe it, Matt, because she is. I don't quite believe it myself," he'd said bitterly.
"You've known Buffy for, what, eight years? Is she the kind of person to have an affair? In your honest opinion."
He'd been asking himself that very same question since Buffy had confirmed the fact that she was sleeping around. He'd known her for so many years and she hadn't seemed like the kind of person to cheat. Seemed…looks can be deceiving, though, he thought.
Riley slid out of his chair, raking his fingers through his hair. He didn't want to believe that his wife was capable of doing such an immoral thing. After they'd renewed their vows, Buffy had told him that she had wanted to have an affair so bad just to hurt him like he'd hurt her, but she loved him too much to do that. So why now and not then?
"No, I've never thought that Buffy was the kind of person to have an affair, but in the past few months, I will say that she's had opportunity." Why didn't he think of it before? All the times that she'd gotten called to the hospital. All the late nights of her sneaking off to help Spike `patrol'. He'd been such a fool.
Matt had to bite his tongue. Emmy had told him that Buffy had been seeing a shrink for the past four months. She said that Buffy was supposed to just see the doctor to get past the miscarriage, but she'd kept seeing it. Nobody knew why exactly Buffy felt that she had to see a doctor, but they had all supported her. Well, he and Emmy had. From what Emmy had told him, Riley knew nothing about Buffy's weekly and sometimes tri-weekly appointments with her shrink. That was probably why he'd jumped so quickly to the conclusion that Buffy was having an affair.
He didn't blame Riley, though. When he and Emmy had been having problems, she'd been spending the majority of her time at the hospital and he'd immediately jumped to say that she was having an affair. He'd even gone to the hospital one night and found her hugging one of the other doctors to which he'd completely freaked out and lashed out at her. After that they had struggled to repair their marriage. Like Buffy and Riley, they had no idea what had happened, but thanks to a cruise, they found one another again. He just wished something like that could help Buffy and Riley.
Matt took a deep breath as he slid from his own chair. "Riley, the only thing I can tell you is not to give up on her. The two of you have gone through so much together…you love each other. She'll forgive you as you will forgive her. I'm sure of it."
Riley shook his head. "You don't understand, Matt. I stepped over a line today. Buffy wouldn't want me back anyway. Besides, she told me that she didn't love me. If there was anything that would keep me away from her, it would be that."
"Dammit, Buffy, you haven't seen him. He looks terrible and it has only been one day! What did you tell him this morning?" Emmy asked Buffy. She hadn't known whether or not to come over, but if her best friend wasn't going to try to repair her marriage, she sure as hell was going to try. She'd seen the two of them together and she knew that they loved one another. If Buffy could look her in the eye and tell her that she no longer loved Riley, then she would back off. But not until then.
"Emmy, just leave it alone. Please. I can't talk about it," Buffy told her. She was already beginning to regret the decisions she'd made. She knew that sooner or later she would get better and that she'd let Riley back in, but she just didn't see that happening anytime soon.
Emmy grabbed Buffy by the shoulders, willing her around. "You're not getting off that easy, Buffy. You should've seen that man today! He is literally heartbroken. I watched him. He would just sit and stare at your picture. You don't realize what you've done to him!"
Buffy threw Emmy's arms off of her. "You don't think I don't know that I hurt him. Emmy, that was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I love Riley…he's the only one I've ever loved. I just can't have him here, seeing how unhappy he is," she said, remembering nights of coming back from work to see the look in his eyes.
Before the baby, Riley would wait for her to come back from work the nights that she worked later than he would. They'd eat dinner together, shower together, then they'd sit in the living room, cuddled together; she would read a book while he read the paper, a magazine or even a book.
Those had been the happier times between them. Since she'd lost the baby, though, things had taken a pretty rough downfall. They no longer slept in each other's arms. The good morning, good night, and indiscrete little kisses that they once shared were slim and none now. It had been so long since she'd let Riley touch her and that one morning in the kitchen…she hadn't known to react. Though, she'd reacted the only way she knew how…she'd given in to his kisses, his caresses.
Then, Emmy's voice hit her ears. "Buffy, if you love him, get him back. You can't just turn your back on him!"
Buffy knew that Emmy only meant well, but she just couldn't have Riley come back solely based on their love. Sometimes love wasn't enough. Riley may come back just because he loves her, but after a while, after a few more months of her offstandish behavior, he would wind up leaving. Sooner or later, they all do. She wouldn't be able to take him leaving her like that. So, here was a chance for him to have an easy way out…this was a chance for both of them to have an easy way out.
Graham pulled up at the curb across the street from Buffy and Riley's house just as a white suburban was pulling out of the drive. He waited until the suburban had disappeared down the road before he jumped out of his car.
Running across the street, he ran to the window, peering inside. The first thing his eyes landed on was Buffy: her blonde hair was clipped back and she was wearing what looked like one of Riley's t-shirts. For a while he just stood there, watching her. She walked around the living room aimlessly, a glass of wine in her right hand. When she turned in his direction he realized that she wasn't wearing her wedding band. She's probably just having it resized, he thought. He didn't want to believe that there was a chance that his friends could be separated or even divorced. They just couldn't be!
Still watching Buffy, he watched as she picked up a picture then collapsed onto the sofa with it in hand. She stared down at it for a few moments, then she threw it against the wall, shattering the glass frame into a dozen pieces.
Knowing that his instincts were right, he turned and headed back across the street toward his car. He had hoped to be able to return to the hotel with good news for Willow, but now he regretted coming to find out. With one last look at the window, he started the car and drove off into the night.
Riley lay awake in the guest bedroom of Emmy and Matt's house staring at the ceiling, not suprisingly, thinking of Buffy. He still kept replaying earlier that morning in his head over and over again. He couldn't believe he'd treated her that way. Surely she wouldn't want him back now after he'd nearly…He closed his eyes to will out the thought, but was only haunted of her tear streaked face.
He'd been gone a single day and already he missed Kennedy and Logan. He hadn't been apart them for one day since they were born. He hadn't even told them goodbye when he'd left that morning. He'd been in a blind panic to get out of that house, away from Buffy as soon as possible that they'd totally slipped his mind.
Flipping on the bedside lamp, he reached for his wallet, extracting the last family portrait that they'd taken together. It had been taken a month or so before Buffy found out that she was pregnant. There was so much happiness etched on their faces. He wondered what happened to that happiness.
Buffy's words still rung in his ear: "I don't love you." He never thought he'd hear those words come out of her mouth. Never thought it possible that Buffy would tell him that she didn't love him. Sure, he'd expected her to say that she was leaving him for Angel or some hospital doctor, but not once, never had it occurred to him that she could say those words.
Throwing back the coverlet, Riley swung his legs over the side of the bed, reaching for his jeans. He hastily slipped them on, then pulled his shirt on as well. He had to see them. He didn't care if Buffy had thrown him out or not. They were his kids just as much as they were hers and she couldn't keep him from them. Stuffing the picture back into his wallet, he grabbed his keys and headed out the door.
Ten minutes later, he pulled in his driveway. He quietly let himself into the house, darting upstairs. He stared at his closed bedroom door for a few moments before moving onto the twins' bedroom. He found them sleeping together, the blankets kicked to the side, their legs entangled together. He thought that it looked so precious. He had always seen them fighting so now, standing here staring at them he wondered what had made them climb into bed together.
Each cradled something in their arms: for Logan it was a stuffed frog that Graham had bought him for his first birthday and for Kennedy it was a doll that Joyce and Giles had bought her for her third birthday. He moved toward their bed, throwing the blankets over them then leaned down to kiss them softly. "I love you, guys," he whispered to them.
He watched them for a few more moments before he moved out of their room. He paused in front of his and Buffy's bedroom door, wanting to go in so badly. His hand on the doorknob, he turned it slowly. He pushed open the door, just standing there leaning against the frame, staring at her sleeping figure. She was lying in the middle of the bed, her blonde hair cascading across her pillow, her knees bent slightly.
Swallowing the lump in his throat, he slowly made his way toward the bed, realizing that she'd changed the sheets. He sat down beside her, debating whether or not to touch her. Finally, he did, touching her shoulder softly. Unbeknownst to him a tear fell from his eye, wetting the sheet. "I don't love you, Riley," rang through his ears. Unable to stand the closeness of her, he sprang out of the bed, running to the door, down the stairs and out to his car quickly.
He had just made it out of the door when Buffy sat up. "Riley?" she called out. She ran out the door and down the stairs just as he was pulling out of the drive. She ran out on the front porch, watching as his taillights disappeared down the road. Sitting down on the porch steps, her head fell into her hands as she stared at the driveway empty of her husband's vehicle. "What did I do?" she asked herself.
Sunnydale, 2000
Riley had walked around Sunnydale just to clear his mind to try to figure out where Buffy's standoffish behavior had come from. But unable to come up with any explanation, he trudged back towards the apartment that she now shared with Willow.
The apartment was cloaked in darkness except for the single light that shone in the living room under which Buffy sat flipping through a magazine. "Buffy?" he said softly, careful not to frighten her.
She looked up quickly, smiling at him, closing the magazine. "Hey. Where'd you go? I went looking for you to watch Psycho with me, but you were gone," she said, sliding off the sofa, walking toward him.
Well, at least she was worried. That's a start. "I just went for a walk. I needed to clear my head about a few things. I wasn't sure if you were still awake." She stopped in front of him, entwining her fingers with his.
She shook her head. "Me go to bed early? Nah, not little ol' Buffy here. I was actually hoping that you'd come back. I really want to watch Psycho, but I don't want to watch it alone. Will you watch it with me?" she asked him.
He let her take his hand and lead him to the sofa. He took off his shoes and got comfortable on the sofa bed as Buffy popped in the tape. Then, Buffy climbed beside him, laying her head on his chest, wrapping her arm around his waist. "Hold me during the scary parts, `kay?"
"Promise."
Sunnydale, 2007
When Graham got back to the hotel he found Willow sitting up in the king sized bed, their children on either side of her fast asleep. She managed to wriggle from them without waking them up to come to his side. All he could do was wrap her in his arms, unable to speak with words quite yet.
But Willow knew what his embrace was about. She'd had a sinking feeling that coming back to Sunnydale wouldn't be as perfect as they had hoped. "You were right, weren't you?" she finally asked. "They're not together."
He grabbed her hand, leading her onto the balcony out of earshot of their peacefully sleeping children. "No, Will, they're not," he told her, overlooking the city. Not many lights shone; most people were asleep for the night and many of the local businesses had closed up shop earlier in the day. Looking up at the dark sky for answers, Graham begged to know what had driven Buffy and Riley apart. When he and Willow had left, they were doing great. Their sex life was above normal from what Riley had told him and they had the perfect family. What could've changed?
Gripping the metal railing he said, "I went over there tonight and as I drove up this woman was backing out of the driveway. I don't know who she was, but I think she and Buffy had a serious conversation because she looked awfully mad when she was leaving. Then, I peek through the window, not liking peeping Tom peeking, but just to see what was going on," he said in a rush.
He didn't bother looking at Willow, knowing that she was looking at him with that `Get out with it Graham' face that she often made when she knew he was babbling. "But anyway," he went on, "Buffy was walking around the living room with a glass of wine. A glass of wine, Willow. Buffy only drinks when she's upset or when she celebrates. Do I have to tell you which was more likely?"
Willow walked to him, touching his shoulder lightly. "Graham, there's nothing that we can do about this. What's done is done. We can't do anything to bring Riley and Buffy back together if they are, in fact, apart." He opened his mouth to say something, but she hushed him with a finger across his lips. "You can't be of any help to Buffy if you're an insomniac," she told him, taking his hand, leading him back into the room.
After leaving his house, Riley had come here to the beach. He didn't know exactly why. Maybe it was because he and Buffy had so many memorable times here. Maybe it was the fact that the salty air could clear his head. He didn't have a reasonable answer for anything. All he knew was that after seeing her, after sitting in that bed, knowing all the harsh things that he'd said to her and after remembering what she had told him, he couldn't stay there.
As much as he had wanted to stay there, climb into bed with her, pull her close, he knew that he couldn't. He wished that he could close his eyes, then open them again, realizing that the last six months were nothing but a bad dream. But that wouldn't happen, now would it? However much he wanted it, everything that he had once had, he had no more.
What happened to his life…to his marriage? How did something so precious, so wonderfully beautiful turn into something so harshly terrible? How did two people who used to be so much in love grow to…?
What was he supposed to do now without Buffy and the twins? Since the day that he'd found out that Buffy was pregnant, he hadn't been without them…not counting those few weeks they were apart post-Randa. If he and Buffy happened to divorce…would it even come to that? What would his parents, or her parents, say to that?
He hadn't even considered how the twins would feel if he and Buffy divorced. What would happen to them? He surely wasn't going to stand aside and let some stranger raise his children if Buffy remarried. Uh
uh, not him. Those were his children. He and Buffy had created them together and he deserved to raise them with *her*.
He wondered if they had even noticed that he wasn't there. Of course, they had. They had always seen him before they went to sleep at night. Normally, they'd all gather in either the living room or in his and Buffy's bed and watch a movie. He smiled as he remembered those nights.
{{He and Buffy were lying in bed, cuddled close together just enjoying the serenity that they had once the twins had gone to bed. But, unfortunately, the serenity didn't last long once their restless children ran into the room, a videocassette in hand, jumping into bed with them.
"Can we watch a movie?" they begged he and Buffy.
Buffy looked at him, smiling, then looked back to their children. "Aren't you two supposed to be in bed?" she'd asked them.
"We couldn't sleep."
So, they had curled up underneath the blankets with he and Buffy as they watched Bambi. Soon, they were all fast asleep.}}
He loved those nights. That seemed like a lifetime ago, though as he thought about it now. Sure, even after Buffy's miscarriage, they'd fell asleep with the twins in the bed, but it just hadn't been the same. He longed to be able to go home and climb into bed with her. He wanted to just hold her close and whisper how much he loved her, hoping that she'd whisper those same words back in appreciation. But he'd be a fool to go back to her knowing that she couldn't tell him what he wanted.
Walking back to his car, he popped open the trunk, taking out a blanket that he had there. He didn't feel like going back to Emmy and Matt's yet. They were both so optimistic when it came to his marriage. They felt that Buffy would come back to him and tell him that she loved him, but he didn't. In the morning, he'd go back to the house to see the twins. For the rest of the night, though, he needed some sleep.
Buffy sat on the front porch steps for a while, unable to believe that he'd been back. Why, though? She kept asking herself. After all that had been said…and done, that morning she had thought that he'd be gone for good. One thing she forgot though was the fact that they shared two remarkable children.
Riley had always been a wonderful father to the twins. She couldn't expect him to turn his back on her and on *them*. That just wasn't in his blood. He was raised to be a responsible, mature adult and that's exactly what he was. When she'd wound up pregnant, there'd been complications at first, but Riley had taken charge of the situation and didn't back away from her.
Their marriage hadn't started off easy and it hadn't gotten any easier. The reason they'd opted to get married was because she'd gotten pregnant. One night without protection and look where she'd wound up seven years later…with a failed marriage, two beautiful children, and one failed pregnancy. In the end, she probably would've been better off with Angel…
Angel. She hadn't thought of him for a long time. She'd seen her ex
lover during her numerous trips to L.A. to visit Cordy and Xander, but they rarely talked. She'd gone with Kennedy and Logan nearly everytime and he would just stare at them. One day he'd actually talked to them after they'd bluntly asked whom the `weird, silent man' in the corner was.
She had hated to lie to Riley about where she was going when she went to L.A., but considering what Angel had done all those years ago when he'd reverted, she didn't think her husband would've approved her seeing him.
Like always, he surprised her. When he'd taken the news of her trips to L.A. in stride, she'd been so completely thrilled. And when he had wanted to go with her on her next trip, she couldn't contain her excitement…but they hadn't made it to L.A. Everything had come tumbling down when Kennedy had started asking about the baby.
Buffy closed her eyes momentarily, shutting out the memory of that dreadful morning. It was that day that she had realized that she couldn't stay with Riley. That was the day she had begged Spike to help her make Riley believe that she was having an affair. She had to admit that the vampire had been helpful with that predicament. If Willow and Graham had been around it would've been Willow helping her and Spike discouraging her from doing. Now, though, Spike was her partner-in-crime and Emmy was the one discouraging her.
She knew that Emmy and Matt were only trying to help her out, but she just wanted, no, she needed Riley out of her life. She needed him to fall in love with another woman that could treat him the way he deserved to be treated. He didn't need her. She only caused him pain.
What more could come of their marriage anyhow? They'd been apart more or less for the past six months. How could they repair what was lost during that period of time? They couldn't. So, why bother?
She stood up and headed back into the house. He wasn't coming back. She knew that for sure now. She decided she just needed to sleep. Maybe in the morning she'd realize that she couldn't live without Riley and she'd try to get him back…She doubted it, though.
Sunnydale, 2000
Buffy and fallen asleep in Riley's arms somewhere in the middle of the movie and since she was wound up so tightly in his arms, he decided not to move, afraid that if he did he would wake her.
Dealing with a cranky Slayer was not what he wanted so early in the morning, so, instead, he kissed her lightly on the nose and tried to go to sleep himself. Though, slumber didn't come soon. But between staring at the white ceiling and counting sheep, sleep did overtake him.
He jolted awake a little while after he'd gone to sleep to see that somehow Buffy had rolled on top of him. "Buffy," he cooed softly, not wanting to wake her for anything since she looked like an angel when she slept.
Her hand accidentally slapped him in the face. "Sleepy…leave me alone," she said groggily.
He couldn't help but smile. Moving her hair out of her face he whispered in her ear, "You don't want to go get in your bed?" knowing full well that she wasn't going to want to move.
"No. I want to stay here. Comfy, here. Now shush and go back to sleep." He rolled her until she was lying on her back after which, he then turned on his side to go to sleep. Before long Buffy's arm was draped across his waist, her leg slung over his, her body molded into his. Sighing deeply, he figured that he wasn't going to get much sleep that night.