The apartment was silent when Cordelia walked through the door after her audition. Her excitement couldn't be contained -- she had landed the role of Melissa Chamberlain on the new Aaron Spelling show. The role would surely put her on the Hollywood fast-track.

She hoped the news would cheer Angel up. He'd been so down-in-the-dumps lately. Doyle and Kate's deaths at the hands of the demon Morlox affected him so deeply that he refused to leave the apartment. And the news of Buffy's impending marriage to Riley Finn only made it worse. Angel was in full brooding mode and it seemed to Cordelia that nothing could shake him out of it.

"Angel! I've got great news!" She headed for his bedroom, but found it empty. "Angel?" It was one in the afternoon, he should be there.

On his bed lay a piece of paper. Cordelia immediately recognized the handwriting as Angel's. Curious, she picked it up and read.

CORDELIA,

BY THE TIME YOU READ THIS NOTE, IT WILL BE TOO LATE. I WILL HAVE ENTERED THE LIGHT. THERE IS NOTHING LEFT HERE FOR ME. I WAS ONLY FIGHTING A LOSING BATTLE ANYWAY.

PERHAPS IT WAS FINDING OUT ABOUT BUFFY GETTING MARRIED. OR MAYBE IT WSA KATE AND DOYLE'S DEATHS. MAYBE IT WAS A COMBINATION OF BOTH. IT IS HARD TO TELL ANYMORE.

NOW THERE IS NOTHING HOLDING ME BACK. THE TIME HAS COME FOR ME TO DIE. BUT DON'T CRY FOR ME. INSTEAD, CRY FOR THOSE THAT WILL BE SADDENED BY MY DEATH; ALL THOSE PEOPLE WHO WILL NOT BE ABLE TO SAVE. CRY FOR THOSE WHO ARE WEAK -- LIKE ME.

ANGEL

Cordelia's tears stained the suicide note. Hoping against hope that she could stop him in time, she ran to the window. The black curtain had been drawn aside, with a pile of ash in front of it. The ash that had once been Angel.

By nightfall, the gang sat grief-stricken in the sitting room of Angel's apartment. Willow and Oz consoled each other on the throw rug, Cordelia sat on a table piled with books, Xander and Anya had brought in chairs from the kitchen while Buffy and Giles took over the couch.

Buffy held the note in her trembling hand. She felt nauseous thinking that there was the possibility that she was the cause of Angel's suicide. Giles put his arm around her, and she in turn rested her head on his shoulder. Her tears absorbed into his tweed jacket. "How could he do this? Why?"

"Did you read the note, Buffy? It says why," Anya told the grieving Slayer.

Xander elbowed her in the ribs. "Tact, Anya. If you can't be considerate, don't say anything. I'm so sorry, Buff."

"Thanks."

Anya shook her head in disbelief. "I didn't know him very well. Or at all. But to think that he gave up his immortality just because you are getting married seems a little extreme to me."

Cordelia sighed. "Well, that's Angel for you. Everything to the extreme."

"I can't believe it," Willow said softly. "That he's gone." The sensitive red-head burst into tears. Oz held her.

"None of us can, Willow. Angel...he was one in a million. There'll never be anyone else like him," Giles said. Despite all the pain the vampire had put him through, the Watcher would miss Angel. He proved himself a hundred times over after regaining his soul the second time.

"No, there won't," agreed Oz.

Buffy straightened herself up. "I want to have a memorial service for him. He deserves that at least."

Giles nodded. "Buffy's correct. We should have a celebration of his life. Cordelia, perhaps you could make a list of Angel's friends whom we should invite."

"I can do that." Cordelia reached over for Angel's address book.

"I'm going to get in touch with Riley; let him know what's going on. He'll want to be here," added Buffy. "And Spike. Angel was his sire, after all."

The gang each chose something to do for the memorial service. They decided on a small church outside Los Angeles. Buffy called Riley and Spike, who cried when he was told. "I may have thought him a big wanker, but he was still my sire," Spike explained over the phone. "I'll be there."

Willow and Oz searched the apartment for a picture of Angel. It would serve as a centerpiece on the altar at the service. Anya and Xander helped Cordelia phone Angel's friends. Giles made a list of what else had to be done.

"Um, we still need someone to make a speech about him," Giles informed the group.

"You mean like a eulogy?" Xander asked.

"Precisely."

"I'll do it," answered Buffy immediately. "I should be the one to do it."

Writing the eulogy was harder than Buffy thought. There was so much she wanted to include -- his kind heart, generous nature -- but did not know how to include it. "Damn you, Angel," she whispered. "How could you do this?"

Giles popped his head in the room. "Need some help?" he offered.

She looked up at him. "It's just...I figured it would be so easy to write about Angel. After everything we'd been through. But it's not."

"It is never easy when it's somebody you love. Give it some time. Everything will come to you."

Cordelia came into the room a minute later. "Guys, Angel's lawyer just called. I guess he made up his will a few weeks ago and we have to go to Maxwell Horton's office for the reading," she informed them.

"When?" Buffy wanted to know.

"Right after the memorial service. Maxwell said it couldn't wait. Angel wanted his will to be read as soon as possible."

"Who needs to be present?" Giles asked.

"You, me, Willow, Oz, Xander and, of course, Buffy."

"Right after the memorial service? So soon?" the blonde questioned incredulously.

Cordelia nodded. "Angel didn't like to put things off."

Buffy knew that to be true. With him, she learned to expect it. But that had been part of his charm. A small part of why she would always love him. "Okay. Let everyone know. I have to get back to work here."

Giles and Cordelia left the room. Buffy was struck by a sudden burst of inspiration. She put pen to paper and began to write.

The group walked into the church hand in hand. They were, in all respects, the grieving family, led by Buffy, who seemed the grieving widow. In a way, she was, despite the presence of Riley at her right side. He supported her as she tried to control her emotions. Riley wasn't oblivious to his fiancé's feelings.

Willow had filled him in on the ill-fated love affair, and completely understood that Buffy was devastated at the loss of Angel. Angel had been the great love of her life, not him. Riley knew he didn't even compare to the dead man she had always loved. But to be part of Buffy's life, Riley could settle for being second best.

He looked over at her, seeing the inner struggle to remain strong on the outside. MY BEAUTIFUL BUFFY, he thought. I CAN ONLY HOPE YOU GRIEVE THIS MUCH FOR ME. Riley didn't feel jealousy or anger towards Angel; he had overcome that when he heard their love story. Now he only felt pity for the dead vampire his fiancé still loved.

When the eight "family members" sat down, the minister began the ceremony. Buffy didn't hear anything that was said. She couldn't face the reality that her Angel was gone forever. While her friends cried and grieved over the loss of Angel, Buffy reminisced of her time with him. Every moment with him played in her mind over and over again. Their first meeting in the alley, their first kiss, the night of her seventeenth birthday, the day he regained his soul, the prom and the day he left her. Her tears flowed uncontrollably, and Riley held her.

Next to them, Willow sobbed on Oz's shoulder and Cordelia did the same on Giles's. Cordelia cried not only for Angel, but for not having someone there to comfort her. She and Doyle were just starting their relationship when he died, and Cordelia began to think about Xander more and more, thinking about what they had shared in high school. She missed the way he looked beyond her rich-girl exterior and found the real her. The way he could make her laugh and belittle herself without compromising her self-esteem. Cordelia wanted that back, wanted Xander back. Angel's death made her realize that. That life was short and precious.

"And now," the minister said, "we will have a few words of remembrance by Buffy Summers."

Buffy pulled herself together, took the sheet of paper from her purse and walked to the podium. As she passed by the 8 x 10 picture of Angel that had been placed on a table with a bouquet of roses, Buffy kissed her first two fingers then brought them to his lips.

Once at the podium, she looked out at the Church. At least one hundred people and/or demons filled the Church. Near the middle of the building sat Spike and Drusilla. The slightly clairvoyant, insane female vampire dabbed her tear-filled eyes with a black handkerchief. Spike, on the other hand, wiped his tears with the palm of his hand.

"This is the hardest thing I think I've ever had to do. How do you say good-bye to someone who has meant so much to you? And Angel has meant more to me than anyone else I've ever met.

"He was a man wise beyond his years. There was so much knowledge behind his dark brown eyes. Too much, I think. It saved both his life and mine many times; more times than I can count. His resourcefulness proved to be a great asset.

"But his greatest asset was his ability to love. I have been lucky enough to love Angel and to be loved back the same way. And it is the greatest gift I ever received. To be loved by such a caring, gentle man was a gift within itself. Words cannot describe what he means to me. Cannot describe him the way they should.

"Many years ago, Angel gave me a book of poetry for my birthday. In leafing through it last night, I came across a poem I think says everything I want to say about him. What he would say if he were here. And how he would like to be remembered by his friends."

Buffy took a deep breath and swallowed the tears that threatened to come forth.

"This is by Christina Rossetti.

When I am dead, my dearest,
Sing no sad songs for me;
Plant thou no roses at my head,
Nor shady cypress tree;
Be the green grass above me
With showers and dewdrops wet;
And if thou wilt, remember,
And if thou wilt, forget.
I shall not see the shadows,
I shall not feel the rain;
I shall not hear the nightingale
Sing on as if in pain:
And dreaming through the twilight
That doth not rise nor set,
Haply I may remember,
And haply may forget."

As she wiped the tears from her eyes, she said, "Good-bye, Angel."

"I'd like to thank you for being so prompt, given the circumstances," Maxwell Horton said from his seat behind the neat mahogany desk. "When Angel came to me a few weeks ago about drafting his will, he left me explicit instructions that his estate be taken care of immediately. And since you are all present, we can begin."

The Scooby Gang had each taken seats in different parts of the room. Cordelia took a seat next to Xander to the left of Maxwell Horton's desk; Buffy and Giles sat on the brown leather couch opposite from them; and Willow and Oz sat in the middle of the room.

The lawyer cleared his throat and began. "I, Angel Patrick Reilly, in the event of my death, beseech my estate and personal items to Cordelia Chase, Rupert Giles, Oz, Willow Rosenberg, Xander Harris and Buffy Summers.

"To Cordelia Chase, I leave the Angel Detective Agency and the building where it is located.

"To Rupert Giles, I leave my weaponry and extensive book collection. On a personal note, I would like to thank you for being as kind-hearted to me as you were. I certainly did not always deserve it.

"To Oz, I leave my music collection. In it, you will find everything from Bach and Mozart to the Grateful Dead and ZZTop. Also, my antique victrola. Perhaps you can get more use out of it than me.

"To Willow Rosenberg, I leave my townhouse in London. I'd not had a chance to decorate it, so I also leave the sum of ten thousand dollars to you for furnishings.

"To Xander Harris, I leave my classic 1959 Chevrolet convertible. I only wished we could have gotten along better.

"And lastly, to Buffy Summers, I leave my mansion and apartment in Sunnydale, and a key to a safety deposit box at Sunnydale National Bank. With the exception of any item mentioned here, in my last will and testament, all my personal items belong to Buffy. As I did."

Maxwell looked up at the group gathered in his office. Shock, dismay and sadness were written on their faces. Xander spoke first. "A car? He left me his car?"

"The building...oh my god. I can't believe it."

Giles put his arm around Buffy. "Buffy? How are you doing?"

She shook her head in utter amazement. His will left her with more questions than answers. "Why, Giles? Anyone? Why did he kill himself and leave his most prized possessions to us? We abandoned him when he needed us the most. Especially me. Angel killed himself because of me. Why would he do this?"

"We're never going to know, Buffy," Willow told her.

The group stood up to go. Xander, seeing Cordelia's tears and fragile state, placed his arm around her waist like he used to do in high school. She kissed him softly on the cheek. "Thank you, Xander," she whispered.

"Miss Summers? May I see you alone for a minute?" the lawyer requested.

"Of course." Buffy closed the door behind her friends.

"I'd like to express my deepest condolences to you first. Angel told me how much you meant to him. He loved you a great deal, more than he loved anyone else. Saying your name brought a flicker of life into his eyes that nothing else did. I knew without him ever telling me that he lived his life around you.

"The day before he died, Angel brought me this." Maxwell opened his desk drawer and pulled out a key and a sealed envelope. Buffy read her name on the envelope, written in Angel's sprawling handwriting.

"The key is to open his safety deposit box at Sunnydale National Bank. And this envelope, he told me, was not to be opened until his death, and meant for your eyes only." He handed them to Buffy.

She started at them for a minute, particularly the letter from Angel. Buffy could only imagine what it contained. Fighting back tears for the hundredth time that day, she bit her lips and rubbed her eyes.

"Would you like to be alone?"

Buffy shook her head. "No, I'm fine. I--I think I'll read this later. When I am less emotional. Thank you very much."

Maxwell outstretched his arm for her to shake his hand. "Despite the circumstances, it has been a pleasure meeting you, Miss Summers. You are everything Angel said you would be."

She managed a weak smile and left the office.

Angel's friends had been invited back to his apartment for food and drink, along with sharing fond memories of the late vampire.

"I'm not going to have to curse this place after you leave, am I, Spike?" Cordelia questioned when Spike and Drusilla appeared at the door.

"Of course not," he answered with a smirk.

She frowned. "In other words, yes." Cordelia sighed. "Come on in, I guess."

"Thanks, love," Spike said as he walked through the door. Drusilla followed closely behind.

Riley led Buffy to a quite corner of the spacious apartment. "How was the reading of the will?"

Buffy frowned. "Depressing?"

"What happened?"

"Cordy got this building, Giles his books and weapons, his music collection went to Oz, a townhouse in London for Willow, his car went to Xander, and I got everything else," replied the still-shaken Slayer.

"And what would that be? The 'everything else'."

Buffy shrugged. "I'm not exactly sure. All I have right now is a key to his safety deposit box." She didn't tell him about the letter. Whatever Angel wrote in it was private. She planned to keep it that way.

Curiosity began to get the better of Riley. What could possibly be in that box? A few trinkets of expensive jewelry? Possibly some stocks and bonds? Could Buffy be a very wealthy woman thanks to this dead lover of hers? If so, he would stand a good chance of getting his hands on this money.

"Riley, included in that 'everything else' is Angel's apartment and mansion in Sunnydale."

His eyes bulged. He never knew that Angel had been the owner of a mansion. "That abandoned mansion on Crawford? He owns that?"

"Actually, I do."

"Holy--"

"Buffy!"

Riley turned around to see a young man with platinum blonde hair standing behind him. The man moved past him and embraced Riley's fiancé. "I am sorry, Buffy."

"Thanks, Spike. How's Dru taking it?"

"My Ducks has seen better days. Dru cried for two straight hours when I told her. How are you doing?"

For the first time since they'd met, Spike felt sympathy for the Slayer. Despite his often hostile feelings toward Buffy and Angel, he saw from the beginning that it was true love. Like him and Dru.

"I'm doing better than I was," answered Buffy. She caught sight of the question marks in Riley's eyes. "I'm sorry. Spike, this is Riley Finn. Riley, this is Spike. An old friend of Angel's."

Riley held out his hand. "Pleased to meet you."

Spike eyed him suspiciously. "Riley Finn. You're Buffy's fiancé, right?" He didn't like the man already. He had heard that Angel killed himself because of Buffy's marriage announcement. Something wasn't right about this Riley, Spike could sense it. Riley smiled at Buffy, not taking his eyes off his fiancé. He said, "Yes, I am."

Spike glared at him. "Good luck." GOD, I WANT TO BITE HIM...MAYBE LATER. NOT IN FRONT OF ALL THESE PEOPLE. WHAT A BLOODY CONCEITED WANKER. He returned to Drusilla's side on the opposite end of the room.

Buffy recognized very few of the people in attendance. With the exception of her friends, Spike, Drusilla and a few other of Angel's vampire "family", she didn't know anybody. Several people gave her their condolences, people she had never met but had obviously known of her.

"He always loved you," one woman, a police officer, said to her. "Kate tried to make him forget, but he couldn't. You were his life."

That statement only made Buffy feel worse.

"Are you ready to go?" Riley asked Buffy at midnight. Everybody had left over an hour ago and the apartment was clean. The only people that remained were the Scooby Gang. Riley was leaving for Sunnydale and wanted Buffy to go back with him and forget about this whole ordeal.

"I'm going to stay here tonight." Buffy needed time alone. And though Riley had been great through all of it, he had been constantly at her side.

"Why? Everything is done. You should come back home with me."

Buffy shook her head. "I want to stay here. There's a few more things I want to do before I go back to Sunnydale. I will come home tomorrow night with Giles."

"Buffy..."

"I'm staying here, Riley. I'll be home tomorrow. Please," she begged. She really didn't care what he said, her mind was made up.

Riley kissed her gently on the lips. "All right. Take care, I'll see you tomorrow. Buffy, I love you."

"I know. Me too." Buffy couldn't bring herself to say the words back. Not right now.

He blew her one last kiss and walked out the door. Buffy went into Angel's bedroom to get ready for bed. After changing into a long t-shirt and plaid shorts, she laid down on his bed and summoned the courage to read his letter.

"Spike," whined Drusilla. "I'm hungry."

The two vampires stood next to the front steps of Angel's building. "I know, pet, I know. But give it a few more minutes and we'll be eating very well," the blonde vampire promised.

"I'm hungry now."

Spike sighed. "In a few minutes, Dru. You'll eat then."

It was then that the front doors opened. Riley descended the steps carrying his suitcase and car keys. His car was parked a few blocks down the street and he did not look forward to the walk. He wished Buffy were with him. He didn't feel comfortable walking down the dark Los Angeles street alone. Nor did he feel comfortable leaving his fiancé in the apartment of her former lover. Riley had begun to despise Angel's hold over Buffy, even after his death. He hoped that hold would subside after the wedding.

He heard footsteps behind him. Fearful of his safety, Riley sped up is pace. The footsteps followed in suit. A hand touched his shoulder, causing Riley to stop dead in his tracks. "You can have my money. There isn't much, but you can have it. Just don't kill me."

"Relax, Riley. It's Spike."

"Spike?"

"Remember? We met at Angel's place."

Riley let out of a sigh of relief. He didn't fear for his life anymore. Spike had seemed like a nice-enough guy. "Yeah, I remember you. Are you going back to see Buffy and her friends?"

"Actually, Drusilla and I were about to have a bite to eat," explained the vampire. "Right, Dru?"

Drusilla stepped out of the shadows beside Spike. She grinned upon setting her eyes on Riley, then licked her lips. "Right, Spikey."

His breath caught in his throat when Riley saw Drusilla. She was by far the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her exoticism made him completely forget about Buffy. He wanted this strikingly beautiful English brunette. More than he wanted anything else.

She placed her hand on his cheek. Riley shuddered at the coolness of the skin and the heat it filled him with. "You're pretty. Would you like to join us for something to eat?"

"I'd love to," Riley accepted.

The three walked down the street, completely quiet. Spike and Drusilla exchanged knowing glances. Spike nodded to her.

"Riley?" she asked. "Can I kiss you?"

Riley's heart beat faster than it ever had before. "S-sure." Nothing like this had ever happened to him.

Drusilla stepped in front of him, draped her arms around his neck, then brought her lips to his. He lost himself in the passion of the kiss, so much so that he didn't feel Spike biting into his neck. Riley associated his dizziness with Drusilla's sucking the air out of his lungs. She tore herself away from him and bit down on the other side of his neck.

Within a few minutes, Riley had been drained and the two vampires were full. The body fell to the ground, where Spike kicked it in the stomach. "And THAT was for killing my sire, you bastard." They picked up the body and carried it back to the car.

"Thank you, Spike."

Spike smirked. "He deserved it."

"He made my Angel kill himself," Drusilla pondered. "The pretty man killed my Angel. My daddy."

"And now, Ducks, we've killed him."

She looked lovingly at Spike. "Can we set him on fire?"

"When we get back home. Then you can do whatever you want to the bloody wanker."

She clapped her hands excitedly. "Yea!"

"Teach him to mess with Spike's family," he mumbled as he drove down the highway to Sunnydale.

"Going to bed already?" Willow asked when she entered the bedroom.

Buffy lay in Angel's bed with the covers pushed to her chest. "Yeah, I'm pretty beat."

Willow nodded. "It's been a rough day for all of us. Cordelia and I are going to curse the apartment so none of Angel's vampire friends come by for a late-night snack. Then I'm going to sleep."

"Have fun."

"Oh, it'll be big fun. 'Night, Buffy."

"'Night, Will." Willow closed the door behind her.

Buffy sat up and grabbed the envelope, which rested on the nightstand. She stared at the envelope, as if memorizing Angel's handwriting. The scrawled BUFFY in his gothic handwriting brought tears to her puffy, swollen red eyes. Slowly, reverently, she opened the envelope and took out the letter.

MY DEAREST BUFFY,

IF YOU ARE READING THIS, I AM GONE. AT THE TIME, I FELT IT WAS THE ONLY WAY OUT OF THIS HELL I HAVE BEEN LIVING IN.

THERE ISN'T ONE THING I REGRET IN MY LONG LIFE. NOT THE GOOD OR THE BAD. AND ESPECIALLY I DON'T REGRET FALLING IN LOVE WITH YOU. YOU WERE THE SUNSHINE I HAD BEEN FORBIDDEN TO SEE; THE BRIGHT SHINING LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL. MY SWEET REDEMPTION.

BUT YOU DESERVE A NORMAL LIFE, AND I COULDN'T GIVE YOU THAT. WE BOTH KNEW THAT THIS WAS DOOMED FROM THE START. I TRIED TO DENY MY FEELINGS FOR YOU FROM THE FIRST TIME I SAW YOU ON THE STEPS OF HEMERY HIGH IN 1996. BUT I LOVED YOU, AND THAT LOVE PROVED MORE THAN I COULD HANDLE.

I TRIED TO STAY AWAY FROM YOU -- BEING "MR. CRYPTIC" AND DISAPPEARING INTO THE NIGHT. BUT YOU WERE LIKE A MAGNET; I COULDN'T FORCE MYSELF AWAY. SO I STOPPED FIGHTING.

BUFFY, YOUR LOVE MEANT THE WORLD TO ME. IT SILL MEANS MORE TO ME THAN ANYTHING ELSE. THE RAIN IS HITTING MY WINDOW AS I WRITE THIS GOOD-BYE LETTER TO YOU. I WONDER WHAT YOU ARE DOING RIGHT NOW. ARE YOU ON PATROL, RIDDING THE WORLD OF MORE VAMPIRES? ARE YOU TRAINING WITH GILES? AT THE BRONZE WITH WILLOW AND XANDER? OR ARE YOU CURLED UP IN FRONT OF THE FIREPLACE WITH RILEY? YOU'VE MOVED ON, FOR WHICH I AM GLAD. IT IS WHAT I WANTED FOR YOU.

IN THE FOUR YEARS SINCE I LEFT SUNNYDALE, I HAVE NOT GAINED THE STRENGTH TO MOVE ON. I TOLD YOU ONCE THAT I'VE NEVER BEEN ANYTHING BUT WEAK. NO WORDS HAVE RUNG MORE TRUE. YOU ARE MY WEAKNESS, BUFFY, MY BAD HABIT. AND IT IS TIME THAT I END MY CRAVING ONCE AND FOR ALL.

I LOVE YOU. IF YOU REMEMBER ONLY ONE THING IN YOUR LIFE, REMEMBER THAT.

I WISH YOU NOTHING BUT THE BEST IN YOUR LIFE. MAY YOU BE BLESSED WITH A LOVING FAMILY, A COMPASSIONATE HUSBAND, AND A LONG FRUITFUL LIFE. I HOPE YOU HAVE EVERYTHING I COULD NEVER GIVE YOU.

GOOD-BYE, MY SWEET BUFFY.

LOVE FOREVER,

ANGEL

On a separate piece of paper inside the envelope, Buffy found a poem.

"Remember" by Christina Rossetti

REMEMBER ME WHEN I AM GONE AWAY,
GONE FAR AWAY INTO THE SILENT LAND;
WHEN YOU CAN NO LONGER HOLD ME BY THE HAND,
NOR I HALF TURN TO GO YET TURNING STAY.
REMEMBER ME WHEN NO MORE DAY BY DAY
YOU TELL ME OF OUR FUTURE THAT YOU PLANNED:
ONLY REMEMBER ME; YOU UNDERSTAND
IT WILL BE LATE TO COUNSEL THEN OR PRAY.
YET IF YOU SHOULD FORGET ME FOR A WHILE
AND AFTERWARDS REMEMBER, DON'T GRIEVE:
FOR IF THE DARKNESS AND CORRUPTION LEAVE
A VESTIGE OF THE THOUGHTS THAT ONCE I HAD,
BETTER BY FAR YOU SHOULD FORGET AND SMILE
THAN THAT YOU SHOULD REMEMBER AND BE SAD.

The tears poured out of Buffy's eyes when she finished reading Angel's letter. "Oh god, Angel. Why have you left me all alone?" She clutched his pillow to her chest and brought her face to it. The tears did not subside when she fell asleep, the sweet familiar smell of Angel's cologne in her nostrils. A scent Buffy would carry with her forever.

At nine-thirty, Cordelia emerged from the shower and entered the kitchen area for her breakfast tradition of orange juice and a bagel. It amazed her that everyone else was still sleeping. They were leaving that day and Cordelia would miss them all. Especially Xander.

As she was spreading cream cheese on her bagel, she heard someone groan. Looking up from the script she had been reading over, Cordelia saw Xander walk into the room. He looked so handsome to her, in his sweatpants, socks and disheveled brown hair. He was still the young man she fell in love with in high school.

"Good morning, Xander," Cordelia greeted.

"Mmm..." he replied back. He had never been much of a morning person. "Juice?"

She pointed to the refrigerator. Half-asleep, Xander pulled out a chilled bag of blood. "Uh, Xand, I don't think you want to drink that."

For the first time, he saw what he had picked up. He immediately dropped it on the floor. Reaching back inside, Xander found the carton of orange juice.

"God, I need sleep."

Cordelia grinned. "I would say so, considering you almost sucked down a pint of blood for breakfast."

"Ha ha, Cordy. I'm not a morning person."

"So I noticed. Are you going back today?"

He nodded, sipping his juice. "After dinner." Xander saw that Cordelia was trying to read something. "Whatcha reading?"

"My script for the new Aaron Spelling show."

He stared incredulously. "You landed an Aaron Spelling show? What did you do, sleep with the casting director?"

Cordelia glared at him. "Real funny. I didn't sleep with anyone, thank you very much. I'm not a bed-hopping little slut like some actresses in Hollywood," she defended herself.

Xander raised his hands in defeat. "Sorry. I didn't mean it like that."

"Let's just drop the subject, okay?"

"Okay." They sat in silence for a minute. "Got a boyfriend? Brad Pitt, perhaps?"

Cordelia laughed softly. "Don't I wish. No, I haven't dated anyone since Doyle was killed three months ago."

"Sorry to hear that, Cordy."

"Not that I'm not looking. I've got my eye on someone, though."

Xander smiled. "God help the man."

Cordelia decided to lay all her cards out on the table. She wanted Xander, and wanted him to know it. She knew Anya -- the former man-hating demon -- didn't even hold a candle to her. She would have Xander, they belonged together.

"Xander?" she asked.

He yawned. "Hmm?"

Cordelia stood up and walked over to him. Bending down next to his chair, she kissed him with all the passion she could muster. Shocked at first, Xander didn't know how to react. As Cordelia's passion increased, he felt himself falling under her spell. Unable and unwilling to fight what he was feeling, Xander gave in.

"I still love you, Xander. I don't think I ever stopped," Cordelia admitted.

"I love you, too." It was the truth, no matter how much he tried to deny it. He did still love her. Anya, having seen the whole exchange, fought back rage. In the years since arriving in Sunnydale to punish Xander for cheating on Cordelia, Anya had fallen in love with the humorous mortal. And she didn't want to lose him to Cordelia. He made her feel mortal, made her see that not all men were horrible.

"Xander?" Anya questioned. "Why are you kissing her?"

"Anya!" He jumped up. "Umm--"

She shook her head. "Don't bother. I heard everything. You are just like all other men."

"Let me explain."

"You don't have to. I heard." Anya took a deep breath. "You and Cordelia still love each other. But what about me?"

Xander walked over to her. Anya backed away with every inch he took. "I love you, too."

"But I'm not Cordelia." She directed her attention to the other girl. "I guess you got what you wanted. I hope you and Xander are very happy together."

"Anya! Please," pleaded Xander.

Rage and anger were moving closer to the surface, but Anya controlled it to the best of her ability. Hurt had taken over instead. She now understood how Cordelia felt when Xander cheated on her with Willow. "I'm leaving. You two -- you belong with each other. Far be it for me to stand in your way." She turned to leave, but looked at them one last time. "You know, I knew it, too. Right from the beginning. When I first came to Sunnydale, that you would always love each other. But I deluded myself into believing I might actually have a future with Xander. And for a while, I lived that belief. But I was wrong." She laughed sadistically. "When I get my powers back, you both are so screwed."

Cordelia held onto Xander tightly until Anya left the building. "I have to go after her," he said.

"Let her go, Xander. Let her go."

Buffy tossed and turned in her sleep. The words of Angel's letter ran through her mind, taunting her.

"Buffy," a voice called. Her eyes closed, she couldn't see who called her. "Buffy," the voice repeated.

She knew the voice immediately. "Angel?"

"I'm here, Buffy."

She opened her eyes, seeing him sitting next to her on the bed. "Oh my god. Angel!" Buffy sat up on the bed and threw herself into his arms. "You're here. I knew you wouldn't leave me."

"I couldn't leave you yet. I needed to see you one last time," he told her as he kissed the top of her head.

"Why did you do it?" Buffy asked.

Angel looked away. "It's hard for me to explain."

"Could you try?"

"Things -- they changed for me after I came to Los Angeles. I learned a lot about myself. I learned to be more outgoing; to get to know people. But I never got over you, Buffy. You were the first thing on my mind when I woke up and the last thing I thought about when I went to sleep.

"When you told me that you planned to marry Riley, it hit me like a ton of bricks. Reality had finally made its way to me -- the reality that you moved on. Without me. And it was more than I could take.

"Then Morlox came to Los Angeles. He would literally rip the heart out of anyone who felt love for another. First he got Kate. It killed her because she loved me. I felt so guilty."

"That wasn't your fault. She loved you," Buffy pointed out.

"And that love killed her. Anyone who loves me is doomed to die."

Buffy looked him in the eyes. "Don't say that, Angel. I love you and I'm still here."

"Because I left you. Anyway, Morlox killed Kate. Doyle and I set up a trap for him in a warehouse. I won't go into detail, but he got to Doyle before I could get there. After he ripped his heart out, I set the warehouse on fire. Morlox and Doyle -- their bodies were never found."

"Oh, Angel, I'm so sorry."

"Don't be. After that, it was all downhill. Depression, brooding...even more brooding. I made Cordelia promise not to tell you. She kept her promise.

"Buffy, I'm gone now. In a better place. In heaven, I can see the sun. Most importantly, I can see you. I'll always be with you, even if you can't see me. I'll be at your wedding, I'll be there when you have your first child with Riley, and everything important after that. I'll be your guardian angel for the rest of your life. Riley will take care of you on earth. He'll be able to do what I can't. I only came back here to say good-bye."

Buffy slammed her fists against Angel's chest. "Don't you dare do this to me. Don't you leave me again."

Angel held her head in his hands, forcing her to look at him. "And don't you cry. I don't want you to ever cry for me. We'll be together eventually, I promise you. But it's not your time."

She sniffled. "Where will you go?"

"Home. Galway, Ireland."

"Now?"

He nodded. "It's time."

Buffy couldn't let go of him. "Can I kiss you good-bye?"

"I was hoping you would ask me that."

He brought his lips to hers. Buffy lost herself in her last kiss with the man she loved. "I love you, Angel."

"I love you too, Buffy."

Buffy's eyes burst open and she sat straight up in bed. Her dream of Angel was so vivid; it remained fresh in her mind. She brought her fingers to her lips, remembering their kiss. Her lips were wet. Had it been a dream? Buffy wasn't sure anymore. One thing she was sure of was what to do now.

Dressing in a pair of blue jeans and a black sweater, she went out to the kitchen where the rest of the gang was seated at the table, minus Anya. Buffy hardly noticed her absence.

"Good morning, Buffy," said Giles.

"Hi. Cordy, do you still have Angel's ashes?" Buffy asked.

She nodded. "Yeah, when I found them, I put the ashes in a tupperware dish." The rest of the gang stared at her. "What? It was all I could find!"

"Where did you put it?"

"On top of the fridge. I didn't want anything to happen to the ashes. Why? What are you planning, Buffy?"

"I'm bringing Angel home."

3 months later

Buffy stood in the cemetery overlooking the small town of Galway, Ireland. In her hands, she held the crystal vase that contained Angel's ashes. To her right were the graves of Angel's family. She had placed a red rose at the base of each grave.

SEAMUS REILLY 1696-1753

COLLEEN REILLY 1701-1753

ANGELUS REILLY 1726-1753

CHRISTOPHER REILLY 1727-1753

MEGHAN REILLY 1734-1753

SHARON REILLY 1736-1753

It had been three months since Angel's passing. Buffy's world had changed a lot in that time. Cordelia and Xander eloped shortly after the memorial service. They lived in Los Angeles in the apartment Angel left Cordelia in his will. Her show was a hit and movie offers were pouring in. They were happier than they had ever been.

Willow and Oz had decided to marry a month later. All their free time now was spent preparing for the wedding. Buffy saw very little of them anymore.

Giles and Buffy's mother began a relationship. She was happy for them. For years, they had been inching toward it. Buffy figured it was only a matter of time before Giles became her stepfather.

When she arrived back in Sunnydale, Buffy went to the bank to open the safety deposit box. In it, she found deeds to three condos in Switzerland, an apartment in New York City, the deeds to the apartment and mansion in Sunnydale. Also, she found stocks and bonds in amounts nearing fifty million dollars. Jewelry, expensive jewelry, was also contained in the box. In Angel's death, Buffy became a multimillionaire.

In returning home, she found a note from Riley laying on her bed. It stated that he could no longer play second best to her feelings for Angel. And though he'd always love her, it was best for both of them if he left town and they never spoke again. Buffy had no idea that the letter had been written and left there by Spike. Or that Drusilla tortured and set Riley's body on fire.

Taking the top off the vase, Buffy let the ashes fly into the wind. "I'm letting you go, Angel. You're home now. May you finally be at peace."

A warm gust of wind blew into Buffy's face. She closed her eyes and smiled. Yes, Angel was at peace.

The End

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