We were all wounded in some domestic war
I found you to settle my score
You looked like father
You felt like mother
My mind told my heart
There is no other

I went to her house this morning, wanting no loose strings. I tried to tell her I was leaving, to try to piece together some kind of life. Buffy was so frazzled, trying to get Dawn off to school, get her mother her breakfast, she barely registered that I was in the room. A harsh "move" and "not now" from her as she rushed about and I left, no "goodbyes," no nothing. I feel guilty for leaving her during such a hard time in her life, but I know if I stay I will lose it, I'll die or be turned and become an even bigger burden to her.

And I gave you my soul
And every ounce of control
I gave you my skin
And my original sin
I gave you my pride and my side
oh my pride

I ask Graham to make one final stop, and as he pulls up to the apartment building, I search through my pockets for the letter. I jump from the car, and hurry up the path. Finding the right apartment number, I slid the envelope into the mail slot. I know Xander will understand. He was the only one that really noticed that I was slipping, wandering down a path that would lead to my ultimate destruction. I hope that he can explain it to Buffy. She was everything to me-for the past year, my entire world revolved around her. I gave her my career, my blood, my tears, my self respect. I lived for her, to please her. I would kill just to see her smile.

Ain't that enough
I turned your dreams into lightning
Ain't that enough
I held the world back for you
Ain't that enough
I loved you past the point of dying
Ain't that enough of me for you

I remember the moment I knew that I had to escape. The little vampire that I had been going to had gotten greedy, her hungry mouth working at the wound on my arm despite my pleas for her to stop. I was barely able to dust her before I passed out. When I woke up, I managed to drag myself back to my apartment. I took a long hard look at myself in the mirror and was surprise to find that I didn't know that man staring back at me. Where once there was a bright, confident young man, on the fast track to a shining career in the military, I found a hollow, shadow of a man, a man I loathe. I decided to leave in that moment. I chose to leave that man behind. I chose life.

I was so sure one and one gave you one
My noisy love is coming undone
Now you leave like father
Disappointed like mother
And I know in my heart
There is no other

The wound on my arm itches occasionally from that last encounter. I know that my obsession with the `embrace' has more to do with becoming the man she wants. I may be the man she needs, but I am definitely not the man she wants. And I can't be that, I won't be that. I've given her everything, and it's not enough.

And every ounce of control
And I gave you my shame
And my eternal flame
And I gave you my need and my seed Oh my need

My eyes tear slightly as we pass the city limits. I know Graham notices them, but he doesn't say anything. I wipe them away absently on my sleeve. I know it will be hard, living without her, not being able to see her, hold her, kiss her, talk with her, but I know it will be worth it. I need to change things, become the man I want to be. Not the man I was before her, because I'll never be him again, too much has happened. I will become a man that I respect, so I can hold my head high, someone who can be counted.

Ain't that enough
I turned your dreams into lightning
Ain't that enough
I held the world back for you
Ain't that enough
I loved you past the point of dying
Ain't that enough of me for you

And while that man may never be enough for Buffy, he will be enough for me.

The End