A short, annoying demon once told me that "no one asks for their life to change, not really -- but it does." He's right. He was always right, damn him.

My life has changed. The past month has shown me that I can't be the same person I was, and I got angry. But what could I do? Angelus has me watched like a hawk when he's away, and when he's home (strange that I call this place home) we are almost always together. I eventually pounded my fist into a tree on the grounds one morning; it helped, a little.

I sleep clear through until midafternoon, most days. I usually have a late lunch, then curl up in the library with a book. It's funny, I never realized how enjoyable reading could be. I mean, it's not like I ever had time to read back home (my world, not this house) because I had school, training, patrol, and a life ... I was always so busy. But now ... now I have nothing *but* time. It's fun, I guess. I've laughed, cried, and gotten angry at the characters, so I at least I'm not overly bored. Not usually, anyway.

I've changed, too. I'm so wanton it scares me. All Angelus -- or even William, damn it -- has to do is look at me and I'm dripping. And do they ever take advantage of that little development. I think we've had sex in almost every room in this house.

Oh, I forgot about the garden. Mustn't forget that.

What happened in the garden was my first "lesson." About a week after I arrived here, I went for a walk outside while they were talking to other vampires about the upcoming destruction of the Master. Despite the cold and snow, I lingered, unwilling to go back inside. An hour or so later I walked passed the small circular window to the study and, finding it open, looked in to see what was happening.

I got a nice little shock.

Angelus and William were on the couch, William on his hands and knees with Angelus pounding away inside his childe. They were both obviously enjoying themselves, and although logically I knew they did this with each other, that was the first time I had seen it. I was shocked, yes, but I could not turn away. I froze, enraptured at the sight they presented, their sleek, dangerous bodies pressed together, so aroused I could feel the wetness running down the inside of my thighs. And when Angelus roared and clamped his teeth down on William's neck, William coming in his sire's hand, I nearly orgasmed where I stood.

I was about to leave and find a place to get myself off when Angelus raised his head, his mouth dripping with blood. Maybe I made some noise, or maybe he simply smelled me. I don't know. His eyes caught mine, and he stood up, stalking toward the window. He opened it and told me to come inside, a feral gleam lighting his eyes.

My eyes stayed locked with his for a long moment, and then ... then I bolted.

I vaguely remember hearing him swear, but I forgot all about it in order to get as far away as I could. I don't know why I thought I could hide from him, and I guess it really doesn't matter. About the time I entered the high hedges that marked the edge of the labyrinth garden, I heard thuds behind me. I could *feel* him chasing me and speeded up, blindly choosing turns, trying to loose him. Oddly enough, I made it to the center for the first time (I had tried to solve it a few days earlier and only found dead ends). But before I could even spare a glance for the elaborate six tiered fountain, Angelus tackled me from behind, pushing me to the ground.

"Never, ever run from me," he ground out.

He pinned me, running his hands along the side of my coat. Before I could twist, or try to flip us over, he had pulled my hips up, forcing me onto my hands and knees. He shoved my coat and dress up to my waist, and I started shivering as my bare knees rested on the cold snow. Pulling my legs apart, he entered me in one brutal thrust. I was so wet that he entered quickly and easily, but sudden viscousness of it caused me to lose my balance and I fell forward onto my chest, my arms out to either side.

As I lay there, he leaned over me and latched onto the nape of my neck, not drawing blood, just biting down hard enough to cross the line from pleasure into pain. I whimpered, trying to dislodge his mouth and he growled in warning. I stilled, and he began pounding into me; he was merciless, not even sparring me his weight. But soon I found myself responding, pushing my hips back to meet his thrusts, keening my pleasure. He growled again, this time in appreciation.

In some distant corner of my mind, I realized he was dominating me -- but by that point I had ceased to give a damn. Nothing mattered anymore except the fire building in my loins that was threatening to spiral out of control. I could hear my moans growing louder with each passing second, and his growls were becoming more frequent, heralding his orgasm.

Suddenly my entire body stiffened, and then I shattered, my body convulsing from the sheer pleasure running through my veins. Angelus thrust once more, then sank his fangs into my neck. As I came down I could feel his cool seed flowing into me, my silken walls still milking him.

My knees gave out then, and I slowly became aware of the snow under my face, and that the entire bodice and sleeves of my coat and dress were soaked. I groaned, trying to push myself up when I felt his weight recede. But then he was scooping me up in his arms, carrying me back towards the house.

The next thing I knew, he was standing me on my feet by the fire in the study. I almost fell, but William caught my elbows, holding me up. Hands slid over my body, tugging at my dress and shoes. Before I knew what had happened I had nothing on, and Angelus was pushing me down to my knees. I sank down, suddenly unable to hold myself up, and William settled behind me, carefully running a brush through my hair. The feel of the bristles on my scalp in a slow, steady motion was soothing, and I felt myself relaxing enough to catch my breath.

I don't know how long we sat there, it may have been mere minutes, it might have been an hour. But eventually I became aware that the brush had stopped, and that Angelus was stroking the top of my head. His fingers curled in my hair, then his hand slipped under my chin to tilt my head up. My eyes met his dark gaze and, for the second time that night, I was caught.

"I had plans for tonight," he murmured, his voice husky. "Plans that did not include chasing you through the garden. Never run from me, Buffy. NEVER. I don't want to have to hurt you like that again."

"Liar," I whispered.

He smirked. "You're right, I do want to hurt you. But I want you to crave it -- I want you to desire the pain I can give you."

"Why?"

"Because, my precious, the line between pleasure and pain is very thin. One always leads to the other. But then, you've already discovered that tonight, haven't you?"

I blushed then, I couldn't help it. He was right, damn him. Out in the garden he had hurt me and it hadn't mattered because the pleasure had been so intense. He knew just what to do to get me to respond, he knew exactly how to touch me, when to touch me, exactly what would make cease to care about my principles, to wrap my arms around him and bare my neck to his razor sharp fangs.

Remind to tell you later what happened when I stood up for my principles.

But by that time William was stroking my clit, reawakening my lust. Angelus kept my gaze locked with his the entire time, causing me to blush even harder. He smiled, a dark look of masculine pleasure, and bent to ravage my lips. I moaned, but responded; I couldn't help it. He -- they -- played me like a harp. Every caress, every pinch, every kiss was perfectly timed to make me go insane with need.

Angelus broke the kiss and pulled away, pulling me up. He turned and set me on my knees on the high lounge, and William buried his face between my legs. His lips closed over my swollen clit, sucking and I orgasmed once, twice, three times before I leaned over clutching his shoulders, begging him to stop, to never stop. Behind me I felt Angelus kneading my lower back the entire time, spreading some sort of warm, light cream in the crevice of my bottom. When I felt his finger slightly penetrate the tiny, puckered opening and realized what he wanted, I stiffened and tried to pull away.

"Sshhh," Angelus whispered, "relax, just relax and let go."

"Relax, sweeting," William echoed, "it'll hurt if you're tense."

I wanted nothing more than to break their hold on me and run as far away as I could ... but I also wanted to stay, because I *knew* that my release would be worth it. So I took a deep breath, and ...

I relaxed.

William showed his approval by sucking on my clit again, this time slowly building my climax. I could feel my arousal start again -- if it had ever ended -- and this time the feeling of Angelus' fingers in my ass did nothing to detract from my pleasure.

No, if anything he heightened it.

As I came down, Angelus removed his fingers and rubbed his very hard, very erect cock against my sopping folds. William reached out and caressed his sire's manhood longingly, and Angelus growled in pleasure.

"Ahh, Will," Angelus rasped, his voice thick with desire, "my boy, don't fret. You get to play."

This surprised me. In all the times the three of us had been together, Angelus had never let William, oh I'll say it, fuck me. He had kissed me, caressed me and made me climax with his mouth and fingers, but Angelus had always been the one to do any penetrating.

Little did I know that this signaled a change in our relationship.

William rose to his feet, his blue eyes full of desire. He let his lips brush mine, his tongue tracing the outline of my mouth. Sighing, I opened, my tongue dueling with his for dominance, as his thumbs flicked over my hard nipples that were just begging to be touched. I arched into his hands, and Angelus chuckled, running a single finger down my spine, causing me to shiver in anticipation.

As William continued to plunder my mouth, Angelus pressed the head of his cock against my opening. I tensed for a moment, relaxing as he stilled and I felt his fingers stroke my hip. Slowly, gently even, he slid inside, and I knew he was seated to the hilt when I felt his sac pressing against my bottom. He rumbled in pleasure, and in that second William parted my dripping folds and entered me.

There are almost no words to describe what I felt in that instant. I felt so full, but I felt like I was being torn apart. There was pressure on my bottom, but no pain.

Then they started to move. One would thrust as the other drew back. Their movements were perfectly timed so that one of them was always inside of me. I was in a state of exquisite agony; this felt so good I wished it would never end, yet I wanted to beg them to stop, to let me rest.

Every time William thrust I know he was bumping my cervix, and with Angelus pounding into me furiously now, I was teetering on the edge of a precipe that I wanted nothing more than to fall from. Then suddenly it was there, my fondest wish come true. I was falling but I had ceased to care; the only reality was the pleasure streaming through my veins and the growls issuing from my lovers at an ever increasing rate.

Suddenly two snarls joined my cries, and Angelus and William sank their fangs into my neck, one on each side. I screamed this time, the sharp pain melding quickly into a burning pleasure as I came again.

Then there was nothing.

When I came around, the first thing I noticed was the purring. It took me a moment to place the sound, but when I did I almost wept. Somehow we had ended up on the floor beside the fire, and both Angelus and William were curled up on either side of me, purring. It was only the second time I had heard the sound -- the first being when Angel and I followed our hearts and joined our bodies on That Night.

Vampires purr when they're sated and at their happiest. And like big cats, they were licking the wounds they had made, which only made them purr louder. Cool hands embraced me and stroked my heated flesh, making me realize that *I* was the one who made them purr. I did this to them, I made them happy, I sated their desires.

That knowledge is both pleasing and troubling.

I was so lost in my thoughts that it took me a moment to realize that I was being carried up the stairs by Angelus, with William following closely behind. And I was so exhausted that I made no protest when they joined me bed, curling up beside me. Then the warm velvet duvets covered my body, and I stopped thinking.

The last thing I heard before I drifted off to sleep was the sound of two vampires purring.

After that things went on as they had, the only difference being that now I frequently went to sleep with two purring vampires in my bed. Or Angelus' bed. Even once in William's bed. I continued to read in the afternoons, have dinner and then whatever Angelus had planned for the night. My days blended into each other.

That is, until three days ago. Things came to a screeching halt with the arrival of Angelus' solicitor. And why the hell can't they just call them lawyers?

Anyway, the solicitor. His name is Hamilton, and he arrived right after sundown with a great big pile of papers. A lot of it was, according to William, related to the various properties Angelus owned in the British Isles. However, there was one thing that dealt with me.

The marriage contract.

I hadn't actually believed Angelus when he told me that was having the paperwork drawn up. At the time I couldn't see Angelus bothering with such notions. But he's very different from the Angelus from my world. Here he and William move in human social circles, and they even have the money and education and connections to pull off being members of the minor nobility. As far as 'society' is concerned, they are cousins ... and I'm Angelus' wife.

The papers were the reason we hadn't gone anywhere. Apparently, if we were seen in public without a chaperon (William not included) it would be unseemly. I couldn't believe it -- a demon who cared about public opinion. It just about blew my mind.

But explanations were not long in coming. William explained that they moved in human circles because that was where the fun, the action was. Neither had any use for the Master's eternal search for the Hellmouth -- they liked the world as it was. Gee, now doesn't that sound awfully familiar ...

Anyway, after Hamilton left Angelus called me into the study. Disentangling myself from William, I discovered that all I had to do was sign the papers (Hamilton had conveniently signed as witness already), and the necessities would be taken care of.

Of course, nothing is ever that simple. They brought up an interesting point, one I hadn't even thought about. My name.

"You need a name," Angelus said, glancing over the papers.

"But I have a name," I told them. "It's Buffy Anne Summers."

"'Buffy' isn't exactly a typical name," William told me.

"Are you making fun of my name?" I asked him. "Granted, it doesn't have that touch of 'classic elegance' but, damnit, my mother gave me that name!"

"What *was* she thinking?" William muttered.

"Don't you *dare* start in on my mother," I started, only to have Angelus cut me off.

"Regardless, you need a new name to use outside this house. Some of the Watchers have associates that move in the same 'circles' as we do, and news of a young blonde, named Summers, who is married to me is bound to get back to them. Unless you want them to know where you are ... " he trailed off, raising an eyebrow.

He had a point, a very good point. So I conceded, and the search for my new name began. After a few hours, Angelus looked up with the most ... rueful look on his face.

"Why didn't I think of that before?" he asked, snapping his fingers.

"What?" William asked.

"Christabel," he said, looking straight at me.

"Huh?" I asked.

"Christabel," Angelus said, getting up to trail a finger along the bookshelf. "The night of the spell, that Watcher said you resembled a character from a poem. Although the character he was referring to was Geraldine, the poem is called 'Christabel.' It would be a fitting name," he mused.

"But wouldn't he have told them that?" I asked.

"I highly doubt that," he replied, an unholy smile on his beautiful face.

William snickered. "He can't say a word, sweeting. He's dead."

But before I could react to this disturbing tidbit, the search for the rest on my new name was once again underway. A few minutes later, William smiled. He whispered something to Angelus, who looked over at me smiled, his eyes moving over me slowly.

"Yes," he drawled. "That will work very well."

I dropped the book I had been idly paging through, and met his eyes. "So, what's my new name?"

Angelus stood and crossed the room to where I sat. He lifted my hand to his lips, then turned it over to gently rake his fangs across my wrist. He pulled me to my feet and turned me so that I faced a small mirror in the corner.

For the first time in weeks I was able to see my reflection. My eyes were wide and bright, my pale skin was flushed, and the flickering light caused shadows to play across my face. My hair was piled loosely on top of my head, and my breasts were clearly outlined by the cut of the bodice on the dress I wore. The woman I saw had an eerie quality; otherworldly. Which was true, right?

But the biggest thing: the woman in the mirror was not Buffy Anne Summers, Slayer Extrordinaire.

"Meet The Honorable Christabel Anne de Winters," Angelus told me.

Yes, that was her name, the woman in the mirror. She certainly wasn't me, even if I was her. How confusing.

Angelus and William congratulated themselves on choosing my name, and Angelus called me over to the table. Before me sat not only the marriage contact, but a sheaf of papers detailing my new 'family tree.' I would have to fill in a few names, but the basic information was there. All I had to do was sign, really. So I signed the papers in all the correct spots, feeling all the while like I was signing away my soul.

That taken care of, they gathered together the papers and their coats. At first I was confused, but then it hit me -- they were going to hunt.

Over the past weeks I had somehow managed to not think about the fact that they went out every night and killed people. I guess hearing William's remark about Harrison and actually *seeing* them prepare to go out lifted the blinders I'd placed over my eyes. And right then and there I knew I couldn't let them go, not without a fight at least.

"Where are you going?" I asked, trying to be causal about my inquiry. After all, I *could* have been wrong.

William looked surprised at my question, but Angelus smiled indulgently. "We have to go out for a while, but we'll be back soon," he told me.

My back stiffened. "You mean you're going out to kill someone. Several someones," I amended.

Angelus' eyes darkened slightly, and he motioned for William to close the door. They came back in the room, and before I realized it Angelus stood in front of me. He reached out and cupped my face in his hand before speaking.

"We've vampires, my love, demons. You know that -- you knew that when chose to stay with us rather than return to the Watchers. Killing for nourishment, for pleasure, for fun -- it's what we do. It's the way we stay alive."

I jerked out of his grip before replying. "So, because I made a choice to stay here, you going out and killing isn't supposed to bother me? Bzzzzt, wrong answer. I'm a Slayer, damnit. Out of time, from another world, recently made immortal but still a Slayer. And you killing innocent people bothers me a hell of a whole lot more than you obviously think it should."

"Then you had best get over it," he snapped, his patience at an end. "Will, let's go," he called as he turned to leave.

"Don't you dare walk away from me," I hissed.

"This conversation is over," Angelus said curtly.

Yes, the conversation was over. He would not listen to my words, so I decided on an approach he *would* understand. Violence.

I jerked his arm and flung him backwards, and he landed against chaise lounge. William was concerned and tried to pull me away, but by that point all my repressed rage and anger had a focus, and I would be damned if I didn't vent -- even if said venting was physical.

Angelus was on me in a second, his fingers gripping my arms hard enough to leave bruises. He shook me roughly, and I lashed out, my foot hitting his knee. He howled and let me go, and I pounced on his back, beating on him with my fists. However, nearly a month of no training and no fighting had dulled my reflexes just enough to give Angelus the advantage. Snarling, he flipped us over. I landed on my back, with him looming over me, but I refused to acknowledge defeat. I twisted, trying to throw him off, with no luck.

He had my shoulders pinned to the floor, and my hips were immobilized his. I was uncomfortably aware of his erection, but he merely snarled at me. And before I could come up with some pithy, witty remark, he had sunk his fangs into my neck. But unlike before, this time he didn't stop -- he just kept drinking.

It was a lot like the night before the Ascension, when I forced Angel to drink me. But unlike then, I didn't feel the seductive pleasure; all I felt was pain, and consciousness slipping away until at last there was nothing.

I didn't wake up until the next night. One of the human maids was sitting next to my bed, dozing. When I clumsily fumbled for some water, she woke up. She quickly pushed me back onto the bed, poured me a glass of water, and was out the door in a flurry of skirts.

There was a commotion out in the hall beyond my sitting room, but it was quickly silenced. William opened the door and, seeing me awake, came over to sit next to me on the bed. He pushed my hair out of my face, looking at me intently.

"How do you feel?" he asked.

"Thirsty ... tired," I answered.

He nodded. "That's typical. He's done that to rebellious minions before, and it's always the same."

"Spoken from experience?" I asked, curious.

Sighing, he nodded. "We had a difference of opinion over Drusilla, once, and that was the outcome. Anyway, I sent the maid to kitchen to get you some juice. When you feel a little better they'll send up some dinner."

We sat there for a while in silence before he spoke again. "You made him angry. I haven't seen him that upset since he found out what the Master did -- or rather didn't do. He's angry with you, but for the first time -- ever, I think -- he's also angry at himself. He didn't mean to do that, but he just lost control."

"So now you're making excuses for him," I said bitterly.

"No," William said, surprising us both. "He's still upset. He's concerned that you'll try to leave him, and he can't stand that."

"I refuse to take all the blame for what happened last night," I told him. "Maybe that makes me stubborn, or impossible, or whatever. But the fact remains that he should not have walked out on me."

William sighed again. He did that an awful lot for a guy who didn't need to breathe. "Buffy, sweeting, he made one good point last night. We're demons -- we kill to survive. You can't change that, so you have to learn with it. I know it must be hard for you ..."

I raised my eyebrows.

"When I was in your world," he continued, "the other me told me about you. I know that despite all of the things you've been through, nothing has prepared you for this. We'll find common ground somewhere, but right now you need to rest more. I'll come back later." With that he kissed my forehead, and walked out the door, leaving me to ponder his words.

That was two nights ago. I finally got up yesterday afternoon, and resumed my schedule. When he got up, Angelus was as apologetic as a demon can be. He was solicitous of my every need, and didn't press me for a thing. Eventually the three of us tumbled into bed around dawn, but even then all he did was hold me.

And the worst part is, even though I'm still angry with him I craved his touch, his very presence.

So there it is, all laid out in black and white, my new life in this strange new world. This felt good, a little catharsis; it also feels good to write my feelings down again, like Giles taught me. I know you will never read this and, to tell the truth, I wouldn't want you to. I'm changing in ways I never expected, and it scares me. But somehow, I think you're the only one who would *really* understand.

101 years can't go by fast enough. I miss you so much, my love, even if you did leave me. I love you, Angel.

Buffy Summers
8 January, 1899

The End