With her mother's illness and Dawn's predicament she had little time to herself. She listened to the Christmas Carols and smiled as she listened to Bing Crosby sing White Christmas, her grandmother played his Christmas album every year. White Christmas' were rare in Sunnydale, she couldonly remember one and it brought a bittersweet smile to her face.

Then something caught her eye on the back of one of the crowded shelves.It was a small ceramic plaque sitting on a brass stand. She picked it up and ranher hand across the ancient symbol embossed on the plaque a heart, two handsand a crown. Across the top it read - Love, Loyalty, Friendship. She read the words softly out loud.She heard Angel's voice clearly "the hands are for friendship, the crown for loyalty andthe heart, well you know." She suddenly found herself teary eyed as she tried to read the same words inGaelic across the bottom of the plaque. GAoL, DILSEACHD, CAIRDEAS she stumbled slightly over the pronunciations. She decided she needed this plaque it would make the perfect gift for someone. Someone in LA.

She made her purchase and walked home smiling. She had precious little to smile about these days. But the thought of sending this to Angel made her happy. Riley was going home to Iowa for Christmas and at the very least their relationship seemed strained now. He was a wonderful man, but even wonderful men have only so much patience and need time with thier girlfriends. Unfortunately Buffy seemed to have little time for anyone except her family nowadays. Dawn and Joyce were her top priorities.

She wrapped the gift in lots of tissue paper and packed it carefully to mail to LA. She would send it tomorrow it shouldn't take that long to get to LA and there were three days until Christmas.

LA

Angel walked through the stores feeling out of place. He knew he needed to get gifts for Cordelia and Wesleybut he hated modern day shopping. He went right to the blouse that Cordelia had shown him last week andpicked it up making sure he got the size she had instructed him to get. At least he knew she would likethe gift since she picked out! He found Wesley a nice bottle of Scotch, he had both gifts wrapped at thestall in the mall.

While waiting he walked into a small gift shop to kill some time. On a table were several small pewterboxes. One caught his eye, he picked it up for closer examination. There on the top of the box was thecladdagh symbol raised in the pewter. His fingers ran over the familiar design. "GAol, DILSEACHED, CAIRDEAS" he whispered to himself.

"Do you like that one? It's the only one we have like that I believe the words are in.." The salesgirl spoke.

"Gaelic, the words are in Gaelic, Love, Loyalty and Friendship." Angel finished the explanation for her.

"Yes, so you know the story of the claddagh?" She smiled at him.

"Yes, I know." He said as him mind wandered to the last time he'd explained the meaning, he had been on a dock and it had been a ring, not a trinket box. He handed the box to the salesgirl. "I'll take it."

She rang up her sale and wished him a Merry Christmas. Angel added the trinket box to his gifts to be wrapped. When they were done he took his packages home and sat them under the tiny tree Cordelia had insisted on putting up in his room.

That box was meant for Buffy, he knew it in his heart and soul. He paced as he thought about sending it to her, he didn't wan to cause trouble between she and Riley. Finally he made a decision, he wrapped the gift in another box and addressed it to Buffy. There were several postal type places open later now that Christmas was so near, he would mail it tomorrow. He didn't want Cordy or Wesley to know about the gift.

Buffy woke a little late she didn't get to sleep in often and Joyce and Dawn had been careful not to wakeher. She could hear them in the kitchen as she went to get some juice.

"Do you think Buffy will mind?" Joyce asked Dawn.

"Nah, she'll want to see Grandma and besides Dad might be around." Dawn told her.

"Will Buffy mind what?" She asked as she entered the kitchen.

"Going to Grandma's tomorrow. She wants us in LA for Christmas. So we are going on Christmas Eve and stay a couple of days." Dawn explained as she poured her own juice.

"Are you sure you're up to it, Mom?" Buffy asked worriedly.

"I've already called the doctor, I'm feeling better and as long as I stay on my medication, I'll be okay.I think it would be nice to get out of Sunnydale." Joyce told her with a smile.

"Okay, I'm in." Buffy smiled at her mother and sister.

"But I will need your help getting everything together for the trip." Joyce told Buffy.

"Sure." Buffy told with a smile. How am I going to get to the Post Office now? Doesn't matter we'll be in LA,I'll drop it off at this new office. I don't even have to see him, I'll just drop it off there with a card.

"You've been such a big help, Buffy." Joyce gave her daughter a hug which pulled her away from thoughts of Angel.

The day went by busily, but by that evening they had everything ready to go.

Angel anxiously awaited for the sun to go down. He hadto get to the Mailboxes Etc. and mail Buffy's giftovernight delivery. Surely it would at least get thereby tomorrow afternoon.

Unfortuanately night fell and he ended up staking fourvampires and being dragged to a Christmas Party atDavid Nabbits home with Wesley and Cordy. The giftwould just have to wait for her birthday he decided.

As they left David's house Cordelia asked him for thetenth time,"You're sure it's okay for me to go withmy Mom? You won't be alone?"

"David invited me to his house for Christmas." Itwasn't a real lie, he had invited him but Angel hadgracefully declined the invitation. With Cordy andWesley gone for the holidays he planned on doing someserious holiday brooding - he would probably pull outthe Christmas cd Cordy had given him. He'd neverrealized howsad some Christmas songs were - perfect for his mood.*The ride to LA went smoothly with only one bathroom,snack stop. "Have you toldGrandma and Grandpa you've been sick?" Buffy askedfrom the passenger seat.

"No, when there is more to tell, I will." Joycesighed, "Thanks for coming without complaining."

"No problem, I needed a break from Sunnydale." Buffysmiled at her mother.

"I can't wait to get there." Dawn said from thebackseat. "Do you think Dad ishome. I mean he already sent us gifts, but he didn'tsay if he would be in LA forChristmas?"

"We can call him when we get there." Joyce promised.

They arrived in LA early in the afternoon and wereenthusiatically met by several family members. Dawnwent off with the younger cousins to the den wheretheywondered how much longer they would have to sit at thekid's table at these reuninon things. "Buffy gets togo to the adult table this year." Dawn whined.

Buffy visited with some of her cousins and hergrandparents and kept an eye onJoyce who seemed to be holding up well. She also madea call to her Dad's apartment unfortunately there wasno answer. She hated to have to break the news toDawn. But maybe the fun she was having here would makeup for it.

They ate soup and sandwiches for supper, tomorrowwould be the big meal.Her grandmother had already started cooking. Shebreathed in the smells ofof her grandmothers kitchen and smiled. The sounds ofBing Crosby's Christmas album played softly in thebackground, this felt good and so right.

"Christmas in Killarney is wonderful to see,just listen to my story and I'll take you back withme.The holly greens, the ivy greens, the prettiestpicture you've ever seen.It's Christmas in Killarney with all of the folks athome."

Eventually as it grew later people began to excusethemselves for bed. Buffy,Joyce and Dawn ended up in Joyce's old room. Theylaughed at the thoughtof the three of them crowding in the double bed. "I'lltake the chair." Buffy said as she nodded at theoverstuffed chair in the corner.

"Are you sure honey?" Joyce asked smiling, "We cancrowd in here."

"No, I'll be fine." Buffy answered as she put theblankets on chair.

"Goodnight." the three said in unison as they settledinto go to sleep. The clockread ten thirty.

Angel pulled out some paperwork and began to readover it. He sighed as theChristmas music drifted through the hotel.

I'll be home for Christmas,
You can count on me...
Please have snow and mistletoe...
And presents under the tree

He stood up and stretched picking up Buffy's giftagain he stared at the brightly wrapped gift.

I'll be home for Christmas...
if only in my dreams...

He sat the gift back down and closed his eyes heconjured up the same daydreamhe's had for the last several days. He was home forChristmas... home withBuffy. It was the same every time, he would walk intoa cozy house with a warmfire and a beautifully decorated tree. Buffy wouldcome in her hair tousled andsmiling, she would kiss him under a sprig of mistletoeand hand him steamingcup of cocoa.. It was a great fantasy he could replayit over and over in his mind and never tire of it.

I'll have a blue Christmas without you,
I'll be so blue just thinking about you.
Decorations of red on a green Christmas tree,
won't mean a thing dear ,
if you're not here with me...

He went back to the paperwork and frowned. BlueChristmas that was what hewas destined to have. It was afterall what hedeserved, but someday, maybe someday...

And the Christmas music played on..

Little altar boy,
I wonder could you pray for me?
Little altar boy,
for I have gone astray.
What must I do?
To be holy like you?
Little altar boy,
oh let me hear you pray.

Buffy waited patiently for the other two occupants ofthe room to fall asleep. Then she dressed and pullingAngel's gift from her bag snuck downstairs. She soonfound herself standing outside the huge hotel that wasAngel's new home andoffice. She stared at the door for a few momentsbefore she gave it a gentle push, to her surprise itopened. She walked into what was once the lobby andnoticeda desk, figuring it must be Cordelia's she sat downand began to scribble a noteon a piece of scratch paper. She was thinking so hardabout what to writethat she accidentally knocked a bud vase off the deskwith her elbow. Luckily it didn't break but it didmake a loud noise when it hit the shiny hardwoodfloor.

She knelt beside the desk to pick it up.

Angel turned down the music, had he heard something inthe lobby. He crept downstairs to see. He lookedaround the lobby and seeing nothing almost turnedaround but then something caught his eye a movementbeside Cordy's desk.He steathily crept towards the desk until he was infront of it, "Whoever is there,come out now." He demanded in a low voice.

Startled Buffy bumped her head on the file cabinetnext to the desk. "Ouch." She said loudly as shestood.

Shocked to see him all she could say was "Angel."

Equally shocked all he could pull off was "Buffy?"

"Yeah, well I was here for Christmas and I... "Buffy actually stuttered a bit,"I brought you this." She shoved the gift at him.

"For me?" He asked with a smile.

She gave him a shy smile back, "Yes, for you. I wasjust going to leave it here,I thought you probably had plans tonight."

"No, no plans. But I do have something for you." Hetold her as he offered herhis hand.

She hesitated for a moment then walked around the deskand accepted his hand,"It's upstairs. I'm actually glad you came by, I wasgoing to mail it then I ran out of time and I finallydecided I'd send it for your birthday but now you'rehere and I don't have to."

Buffy had to giggle slightly, she didn't know if inall the time she had known Angel she had ever heardhim say that much at one time. He turned to her,"What?"

"Nothing, I'm just glad I came too." She told him ashe led her into a nicelyfurnished room. There was a desk and table with atiny tree on it. And a bed,a nice bed. And Christmas music was playing very lowlyfrom a cd player.

"Please come home for Christmas, baby,Please come home for Christmas,if not for Christmas... "

He turned off the music and nodded to a chair. "Have aseat. Would you like somecider or some cocoa?" He asked as he went to the smalltree and retrieved hergift still holding the one she had given him as if itwould dissappear if he put it down.

"No, I'm okay." She answered. "Should we open themnow or wait for Christmas?"

"Well technically it is Christmas it's twelve thirty.Let's open them now."Angel told her handing her the small package.

"Okay." Buffy agreed as she took the package from him.

"Buffy, can I ask you a question?" Angel asked as hestarted unwrapping the gift.

"Sure." She answered as she started to unwrap hergift.

"Why aren't you spending Christmas with Riley?" Heasked, his tone serious.

The unwrapping of thier gifts stopped as Buffy lookedinto his brown eyes. "I guess you might as well know,things between Riley and I are kind of strained rightnow. It seems that he has few problems with having theSlayer for a girlfriend. And there are some addedcomplications." She explained with a half smile.

"He's a fool." Angel told her taking one of her smallhands in his, "Surely he realizes how lucky he is?"

"No, Angel, I am the fool. I should have neverbelieved that I could find normal happiness. And I'vesucceeded in hurting and confusing a really wonderfulman in the process." Buffy told him honestly.

"I'm sorry. What are these other complications?"

"My Mom is sick. I've had to devote quite a bit oftime to her." Buffy told him her bottom lip quiveringslightly. She refused to cry in front of him, he'dlost the right to comfort her when he left Sunnydale,she'd gotten beyond that or had she?

"Joyce is ill? What's wrong?" He asked squeezing herhand affectionately.

She poured it out then, all of her strength seemed todrain as she told him about the tumor, the surgery,the waiting to see, the fear of losing her mother, thealientation of Riley, her fears for Dawn. It all cameout and with it the tears came and sobs long harshsobs. Angel took the gift from her hand and lay itwith his on the floor. He pulled her close to him thenand stroked her hair lovingly while she sobbed againsthis broad chest.

"Shh, hush baby. It's okay. It's going to be okay." Hewhispered the words into her hair.

After a little while the sobbing ceased and she lookedup at him with red rimmed eyes. "I need to blow mynose." She sniffled.

He moved to get a tissue and she moved with him,cradled against him unwilling to break the touchbetween them. He smiled downat her and handed her the tissue. She delicately blewher nose and then looked up at him, "I'm sorry. Ididn't mean to spoil your Christmas."

"You didn't spoil anything. I just wish I had knownall of this before now. Maybe I could have helped." Hesoftly kissed the top of her head. "I know now thoughand you don't have to feel alone anymore."

Angel lowered he and Buffy to the floor and wrappedone arm tightly around her as he reached for the stillhalf wrapped gifts. "Let's open these, maybe it willmake you feel better."

She took the gift again this time ripping off theremaining paper as she watched Angel do the same. Shepulled out the pewter box andher face lit up when she saw the symbol on the top.She opened the tiny box and let out a sigh. Angelsmiled brightly at her as he finished unwrapping hisgift. His face also showed great happiness at thesight of the symbol on the plaque. He hugged her thenand ran hisfingers through her hair, "Thank you, thank you somuch." He told her standing and placing the plaque onthe desk. "It's beautiful You nver forgot the wordsor the meaning did you?"

"How could I forget? And thank you. This is abeautiful box. Like a little treasure box." She toldhim as she ran a loving hand over the raisedsymbol.

Angel could see the bittersweetness in the gesture,maybe, just maybe there was one more thing he couldgive her. He went to the dresser and after digging inthe top drawer he came back with a small object. "Itis a treasure box, Buffy. ." He opened his hand toshow her his claddaugh ring.

Her eyes got big as she watched him place the ring inthe pewter box."I want you to keep this for me, untilI can wear it again, until you canwear one too." Confusion shown on her pretty face,she looked at him expectantly, hopefully for anexplanation.

"Sit down, Buffy. I need to tell you something, beforeI didn't think it was a good idea, but now I realizeyou are part of me, more then anyone in my past hasever been and no one in the future will ever be." They sat down on the bed and he held her hand tightlyas he explained shanshu.

"You could be human?" Buffy asked disbeliefconflicting with the hope in her voice.

"We don't have any guarantee when, Buffy."

"It doesn't matter, because I promise you I will behere waiting for you." She put her arms around hisneck and held him tightly.

He laughed softly, "It could be along time, are yousure you want to give up what you have for a somethingyou might have?"

"The thought of even just maybe having you human isenough for me, we tried it apart Angel it doesn'twork." Buffy sighed, "I want to believe that one dayI'm going to open this box and take out this ring andplace it on your finger."

"I want to believe that too." He told her as he raisedher hand to his lips. "But it won't be easy."

"We've never been easy, Angel." Buffy laughed softy.She brushed her lips lightly against his. She would pull a Scarlett O'hara she'd think about Rileytomorrow. Tonight, tonight she was with the one man inthe world who fully understood and accepted her.

"No, I guess we haven't." He agreed. He kissed herforehead.

"I need to go now. Mom might miss me." She sighed asshe stood. "We will talk soon, though, right?"

Angel stood beside her, "I understand. And yes, wewill talk soon. Merry Christmas." He told her as helowered his face to hers and caught her lips in a softkiss. A kiss full of passion, full of promise.

"Merry Christmas." She whispered against his lips andnothing had ever felt so right.

Oh, oh the mistletoe,
hung where you can see.
Somebody waits for you,
kiss her once for me...

The End

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