"A Faint Tick Tock"
Author: A. Price
Email: andramichelle@yahoo.com
Notes: Set two years after If I'm Still Welcome.
The hospital room was crowded as Dawn and Jordan Jacobs loaded up the baby gifts and flowers from friends and family. The car seat sat on the bed ready for it's precious bundle. Said bundle was being cooed at by her aunt Buffy.
Dawn nodded her head towards Buffy and smiled. Jordan whispered, "She needs one of her own." Dawn nodded sadly in agreement.
"Hello, little punkin baby. You are so sweet. Yes you are." Buffy wrinkled her nose at the baby girl in her lap. "Aunt Buffy loves you, yes she does."
Dawn giggled as she took the baby from Buffy, "Leah is going to love her Aunt Buffy too." She situated the baby in the seat, "Thanks for coming to help get all of this stuff home. How was Will?""
"He and his Uncle Spike were eating Count Chocula when I left. He misses his mommy and is anxious to have his new sister at home." Buffy gathered up several balloons and a bag of gifts. "I'll take these in my car and see you at the house."
"Okay we'll be there soon. Tell Will his mommy loves him." Dawn smiled as she watched Buffy leave.
"I hear a car, lets see who it is." Spike cautiously peeked around the curtain and saw Buffy's car, "It's Aunt Buffy." Spike stood in the shadows as Buffy opened the front door.
Will grinned, "Aunt Buffy!"
"Will! Mommy and Daddy and Leah will be home soon. Mommy said to tell you she loves you!" Buffy knelt down in front of the little boy.
"Can I hold the baby?" Will asked as he peeked out the window.
"I'm sure you can." Buffy ran her hand through his hair, "Lets go get some lunch started."
Spike leaned against the doorway and watched as Buffy and Will made lunch. She was very good with Will, very patient and loving. He felt that twang in his heart, she would make a good mum. She didn't ever come out and say she wanted children but he could tell after Dawn got pregnant the second time that Buffy seemed to be intrigued in every detail of the pregnancy. She had been out of town when Dawn was pregnant the first time and missed out - he tried to blame that for the reason she seemed to light up when she felt her sisters baby kick or when she wistfully asked how it felt when the baby moved. But he knew that somewhere under the tough slayer exterior was a woman, a woman with maternal feelings.
"We're here!" Jordan called as he opened the door and let Dawn come in with the baby.
"Mommy!" Will called as he ran into Dawn's arms. She was knelt down on the floor with the Leah in one arm and Will in the other was grinning at his little sister. "Can I touch her?" He asked with awe.
"Sure you can." Jordan stooped down next to Will. "You have to be careful though."
Dawn smiled as Jordan took his daughter and helped his son hold her ever so gently. Will was telling Leah that he would share his toys with her.
"Wonder how long that will last?" Buffy grinned as she and Spike watched the happy family.
"Uncle Spike want to see Leah?" Will called to his favorite uncle.
Buffy nudged Spike, "Go on she's beautiful."
Spike leaned and kissed Buffy's cheek, "What was that for?" She asked with a smile.
"Cause your beautiful." He answered as he turned to Will, "Let me see that beautiful little sister." He knelt beside Will and softly touched the downy hair on the babies head. She was beautiful. Dawn had beautiful children, so did Xander and Anya and even Angel. He peeked at Buffy as everyone stood and moved to the living room. She had that bittersweet look in her eyes again as she watched him with the baby.
"Hey, I made lunch, I mean Will and I made lunch." Buffy cheerfully called from the kitchen.
After the meal was done and Buffy and Spike did the dishes, Will went down for a nap and Buffy held the baby one more time before she and Spike left to give Dawn a chance to settle in. Spike watched her rocking the baby and cooing at her softly. She gave her back to her mommy and they said their goodbyes.
"She's a beautiful baby." Spike noted on the drive home.
"She is." Buffy agreed.
"You ever think about having a baby." Spike asked trying not to appear anxious.
"Me, nah. I mean... uhh..well number one - we can't have them. Number two - what kind of mom would a vampire slayer make?" Buffy tried to lighten her tone.
"Number one there are options and number two, I think this vampire slayer would make a great mum." He said seriously as she pulled into the garage.
"Okay, what brought this on?" Buffy asked as they went into the house. "You want a baby?"
Spike sat down on the couch and patted the cushion beside him, "I think that I am scared of thinking about being a daddy, cause I don't have a great past. But I can tell you that you are the only person in the world who could make me even think about it. And if you really wanted a baby, I would be honored to be the daddy."
"I don't know Spike, part of me, a part of me I was sure was really deeply buried seems to almost yearn for a baby. But I'm not sure that its right for us... for me." She leaned against him and he pulled her close kissing the top of her head.
"Well think about it. Okay?"
"I will. And thanks." She sighed as his arm tightened around her.
"For what?" He asked with small laugh.
"For knowing me so well." She answered as she turned and straddled his lap.
"Oh that, think nothing of it." He laughed again as his lips found hers and they proceeded to do things on this couch that would make Dawn avoid it the way she had once avoided the one from the old Summer's house.
Buffy went to the bookstore the next day still mulling over the last nights conversation with Spike in her head. A baby... when she let her heart do the thinking it said yes you should have a child, her head told her that maybe it wasn't such a good idea. At lunch she found herself outside a baby store staring in the window at the cribs and colorful layette sets. She went back to the bookstore and went online - searching for sites about infertility and adoption. She wanted to go over all of her options. After reading about various procedures and finding the address of the local adoption agency she said goodnight to Albert and went home with her information to share it with Spike.
"Hello, luv. I've made supper." Spike through a dishtowel over his shoulder as he lightly kissed his wife on the cheek, "You have a good day?"
Buffy grinned at him, "Umm... smells good. And yeah it was a good day. I did a bit of research... about what we discussed last night." She handed him the information she had printed out.
He smiled as he took the papers from her, "So you have been thinking about it, then?"
"Yes, I have. Let's eat and we can look over this information." She started to set the table as Spike glanced at the papers she had handed him.
"These procedures are all pretty expensive." Buffy told him as they ate supper.
"It would be worth it, pet. If you could have a baby." Spike reached across the table and took her hand.
"It would be worth it, but I'm not so sure how I feel about it. How do you feel about it?" Buffy shook her head, "Its alot to think about."
"Buffy, I want you happy. I just wish we didn't have to look at all of these options. I wish we could just do it the old fashioned way - like everyone else. Even Peaches got to make a baby, with Darla of all people. Doesn't seem quite fair does it." Spike sulked.
Buffy frowned at the mention of Darla. Even though she was long over her relationship with Angel, the mention of Darla always seemed to aggravate her. "No, I agree with you it really doesn't seem fair. But we can deal with it, we always deal with everything that gets thrown at us. We'll just look at everything and then we'll decide what to do." She smiled then and squeezed his hand.
"Yes, we always deal. " Spike said lovingly, "I think alot of this decision rests on your shoulders though? Do you want to the whole deal, carrying and delivering a baby or do you just want a baby?"
"But it's not just up to me Spike. You are an equal partner in this." Buffy smiled at him, "I can't honestly answer you right now about the pregnancy thing, we've got lots of stuff to look at and I have lots of adoption information too."
"We'll look at all of it, we aren't in a hurry, a decision doesn't have to be made this minute." Spike winked at her as he stood and began to clear the dishes.
Buffy joined him in the kitchen and after supper was cleaned up, they sat down togther on the couch and looked over all of her information. "You know it's kind of nice to think that if we had a child that after I'm gone, you would have some one still. Wouldn't you like that?"
Spike's face grew serious, "I don't like to think about you being gone, Buffy. I went through that once, nearly didn't survive it."
Buffy lay her hand on his cheek, "I know, I'm sorry. But it will happen someday, and wouldn't you like to have a child that was ours to keep you company then?"
"Actually I thought that the next time you leave me, I get to go with you." He gave her a wry smile.
Buffy's eyes grew very wide, "You... you plan on dusting yourself when I die?"
He reached for the hand that still lay on his cheek and brought it to his lips placing a gentle kiss in her palm, "Yes luv, that's my plan."
"But... no I don't want you to do that." Tears filled her eyes.
"Sorry, pet. But losing you once was enough for me." Spike gave her hand a quick squeeze.
"If we had a child though... you wouldn't do that right? I mean you wouldn't let a child lose both parents?" She let go of his hand and clasped hers together, "It's hard enough to lose one."
"I'm sorry, luv, I know you still miss your mum. I do too. And to answer your question, if we had a child. no sweetheart, as much as I would grieve for you, I wouldn't leave a child parentless." He put his arm around her and she lay her head on his shoulder.
"Good." She replied softly.
"You really are serious about this aren't you?"
She tilted her head towards him, "Aren't you? I don't want you doing this just for me. You have to want it too."
"I would love to have a child with you, Buffy. But I would be lying if I said that I thought this was going to be easy, our child is going to have to deal with so many things that other children don't. Like why daddy is so allergic to the sun for one thing. I don't even know if I know how to be a dad," he sighed.
"I can understand that. Lets put this stuff away for now, like you said we don't have to decide anything now. But I can assure you that if we do have a child we'll deal with all of those questions that come up and it will be okay." She grinned as she lay the papers on the table and stood taking Spike by the hand, "All this serious talk, has me ready for some fun." They were giggling as they made their way to the bedroom.
Two weeks later
"Yes, Dawn we have your cell number." Buffy assured her sister as she walked her to the door.
"She likes to be rocked to sleep." Dawn said as she kissed the baby's downy head one more time. The car horn honked outside.
"You better go or Jordan and Will are going to leave for the circus without you. Leah will be fine." Buffy waved as she watched her sister get into the car.
"She is absolutely beautiful, isn't she?" Spike smiled as she sat down next to Buffy where she held Leah giving her a bottle.
"She really is, she's so perfect. Those tiny fingers and teensy toes." Buffy smiled as the baby made slurpy noises around the nipple on the bottle.
"It's hard to believe that just over two weeks ago, she was safe inside of Dawn. It's a miracle it really is." He took off a small pink bootie and looked at the tiny pink toes.
"Makes me really want to have one." Buffy sighed.
"I know." Spike kissed her on the cheek, "I know."
The back of the bookstore was littered with cartons of books. An open pizza box sat on an old desk. Buffy took a bite of pizza and washed it down with a drink of soda. She sat down the soda can a safe distance from the books and began to unload the box. "Thanks for coming to help with this delivery, Spike." She smiled at her husband as he unloaded his own box.
"It's okay, makes me feel all needed and everything and I can't bear to think about you being alone after hours with Albert." Spike laughed and Buffy joined him. In truth Albert reminded him alot of someone he once knew - his former self William. He would never admit that to Buffy though.
"Oh yes - you have so much to fear there." Buffy giggled, "Anyway he had a date tonight, so I know he was glad to leave early."
"Albert had a date, good for him." Spike motioned toward his stack of books, "Where do you want these?"
"I'll show you." Buffy stood and walked towards the front of the store, "Put about five copies on the shelf, we'll store the rest."
She left him stocking the shelf and came back with her own stack of books, "Spike... I've been thinking alot about things."
He smiled at her knowing exactly what things she meant, "You have? Come up with anything?"
"I think I'm going to make an appointement with my doctor, you know get me checked out, make sure I'm healthy. I am kind of on the later end of thinking about having a first baby." She hesitated a moment, "What do you think?"
He put his last book on the shelf and walked to her pulling her close he kissed her cheek, "I think that's a very good idea."
"You do?" Her smile was unsure.
"Yes, Buffy, I think it's a great idea. Do you want me to go with you?"
"Yeah, I think that would be good. Then you can hear what the doctor has to say." She found his lips and kissed him soundly.
"Whoa... if you do that again, we'll never get these books put away." Spike nuzzled her neck.
She playfully pushed him away, "Your right, work first then play."
They finished the stocking quickly and went home to make love for several hours before Buffy finally succumbed to a peaceful sleep. Spike lie beside her watching her even breathing. He pushed a stray hair from her face and marveled at how pretty she was. He wished more then anything he could give her a child, a child with her hazel eyes and small, pert nose. All the wishing in the world wouldn't make it possible though. He sighed as he thought about how happy a baby would make her, how happy he would be to share parenting a child with her. The thought of Buffy carrying someone elses child did nag at him a bit though and he felt bad about that. Buffy turned over and smiled in her sleep - he loved that smile. If she wanted a baby he would do whatever it took for the miracle to happen.
"Spike!" Buffy called as she entered the house.
"In the den, working." He called to her from the computer. He had been doing some research for Giles on the net. After all these years Giles still hated that newfangled contraption although Spike had taken to it quite naturally with a few lessons from Willow.
"Hey," She stood behind his chair placing her arms around his shoulders and kissing his neck, "I made my appointment."
He turned around and looked up at her, "When?"
"Day after tomorrow, are you free?" She giggled.
He spun the chair around and pulled her down in his lap, "I think I can free up my busy schedule."
"We're really going to think about doing this? We're going to consider having a child?" Buffy's voice turned serious.
"Yes, luv we are."
"There is so much to think about, I mean what if I'm not good at it, I mean what if we have a baby and he or she cries and I can't figure out whats wrong? Am I being selfish even considering it?" Her hazel eyes were wide with anxiety.
"You are one of the most unselfish people I know." Spike spoke seriously, "We go to the doctor, get you all checked out and then we make some decisions from there. One step at a time - we'll be fine."
He kissed her then and his blue eyes sparkled as she deepened the kiss and reached under his shirt running one small hand over his chest. "We could go and try to make a baby now." She whispered as her hand found his belt buckle.
"Buffy...if we could make a baby that way we wouldn't have to worry about this other stuff." He shook his head and grinned at her.
"That doesnt' mean we can't keep trying the old fashioned way - you never know." She stood and unzipped her dress, beckoning him to follow her with her finger.
"Right you are. Practice makes perfect, try try again, all that rot." He stood and followed her to the bedroom.
The waiting room of Dr. Malloy's office was decorated with posters advertising the pill mingled with prints of mothers and babies there was no doubt that Spike was sitting in an obstetric/gynecological office. He clasped his hands and fidgeted as Buffy filled out some paperwork at the front desk. The man next to him smiled, "First time here?"
Spike nodded, "How can you tell?"
The man grinned, "First timers always look nervous, I know I did the first time I came in. So is your wife pregnant?"
"Not yet, but she or rather we are thinking about it." Spike glanced up at Buffy as she was talking to the receptionist, "Thats her, thats my wife, Buffy." He nodded towards her.
"She's very pretty and very thin. That won't last if you decide to have the baby." The man chuckled softly, "Thats my wife Carma next to her. She's due in three weeks." He nodded towards a pretty woman who was very obviously pregnant. "I think she's still beautiful even if she complains about being swollen and fat."
Spike nodded and smiled at the man as Buffy came and sat down beside him, "So are we all set?"
"Yeah, just had to fill out some forms. We should be called soon." Buffy told him as the man next to Spike stood and met his wife, "Good luck." He said with a smile as he protectively put an arm around his wife and walked her out.
"You too." Spike smiled back.
"You know him?" Buffy asked raising her eyebrow at her husband.
"No, just two men stuck at their wive's doctors office."
A nurse came to the door and called Buffy's name, she and Spike stood and followed her to a small exam room. The nurse handed Buffy a gown and left the room. Buffy undressed and folded her clothes handing them to Spike to hold for her. She sat on the end of the exam table with only the exam gown and her socks on.
The doctor soon entered the room, "Buffy how are you? Let's see you haven't been in for a little over a year. Time for your annual checkup and lets see - you want to discuss having a baby?" He smiled and patted her arm
"This is my husband William and yes we would would like to discuss having a baby. My husband can't have children so we wanted to know about our options."
"Nice to meet you, William." Dr. Malloy offered his hand to Spike, "Have you been to a doctor? Do you know why you can't have children?"
"I was in an auto accident a few years ago and got a bit damaged in that department." Spike supplied the answer he had practiced.
"I'm sorry to hear that. Lets call the nurse and we can do Buffy's exam and go from there." He cracked the door open, "Karen."
The nurse joined them and stood by as Dr, Malloy completed the exam. "Buffy, I need to ask you a few questions, Have you ever been pregnant?"
"No. I haven't."
"And you've never really had trouble with your periods?"
"No, I'm usually like clockwork." Buffy smiled nervously.
"Well then I think we should run a few blood tests and make sure that everything is okay hormonally with you and then you can come back in a week and we can discuss those options."
"Thank you, Dr. Malloy." Buffy told him as she took Spike's hand and they left the office, "So?"
"So what?" Spike asked as they walked to the car.
"Are you still okay with this? I mean we don't have to go any further then this if you aren't happy." Buffy frowned slightly.
"Luv, I am okay with this. Stop worrying." He started the car.
"So what were you and the guy in the waiting room talking about?" She asked as she scooted a little closer to him.
"He was asking if it was my first time there, I looked nervous. His wife is due in three weeks, seems like a nice guy." Spike started driving towards Buffy's favorite restaurant and pulled into the parking lot.
"We're gonna eat out?" She grinned.
"Yes, we might as well celebrate."
"Nothing to celebrate yet, Spike." Buffy shook her head at him.
"Luv, being with you is reason enough for me to celebrate." He pulled her close to him and kissed her deeply.
One week later
"Buffy, your tests all came back good. I think at this point artificial insemination would be your best route. I am sending you home with some pamphlets and I'm making an appointment with Dr. Turner, she does alot of artificial insemination procedures." Dr. Malloy handed the papers to Buffy and she and Spike left his office.
Spike recognized the man from the previous week and his wife leaving too, "Hello again... " Spike said as he and Buffy walked out with them.
"Bradley. And this is my wife, Carma." The man introduced himself and his wife.
"William and my wife Buffy. Nice to meet you." Spike returned the introduction.
Buffy and Carma exchanged hello's, "When is your baby due?" Buffy asked.
"Two weeks, and I'm so glad. I feel like a whale." The woman laughed soflty. "Are you pregnant?"
"No, not yet.." Buffy smiled as the couple parted with goodbyes and went to their own cars.
That evening Buffy curled up next to Spike in their bed her hands full of the pamphlets, Dr. Malloy had given her. "Wow, there's alot to look at here." She handed a couple pamphlets to Spike, "I didn't realize there were so many different types of artificial insemination."
"Me either." Spike replied numbly and then smiled brightly when Buffy looked at him, "I guess I never thought about it before."
"It says I would have to keep track of my ovulation on a chart so I would know when I was most fertile. I could look like Carma someday soon." Buffy giggled.
Spike kissed her forehead "And I could be Bradley bragging about his beautiful pregnant wife." He could see the excitement in her eyes and knew that despite her reservations Buffy had made up her mind. He only wished he was as sure, yes he wanted a child with Buffy but he just selfish enough to admit to himself that he wanted the child that Buffy carried in her body to be his.
Hospitals. I really hate hospitals. Spike frowned as he followed Buffy to the information desk. "Room 204, thank you." Buffy turned to Spike, "He's in room 204." He followed her to the elevator.
"Hope Albert is okay." Spike said as they doors opened to the second floor.
"I'm sure he is, appendectomies are usually simple." Buffy smiled as they found the room. Several voices came from room 204 as Buffy and Spike peeked in the room. Albert sat up in the bed smiling as several visitors sat around the room, "Come on in." He motioned to Buffy and Spike. Buffy sat her flowers on the bedside table with a couple more bouquets. "How are you?" She smiled at Albert.
"Fine. Feeling pretty good, I should be at work in no time."
"Don't worry about that." Buffy told him as he began the introductions of the other visitors.
Spike spoke up, "Glad you are okay. I think I'll wait outside." He smiled at Albert as she left the room.
Spike found himself walking up and down the corridor - he noticed a sign "Labor, Delivery, Nursery 3rd floor" He found himself on the elevator pushing the three when the doors opened he found himself in a waiting area full of people of all ages - families waiting for thier newest additions he guessed as he followed the arrows on the wall directing him to the nursery. He stepped up to the glass and looked at the rows of tiny isolettes full of babies, some were sleeping peacefully while others were red faced as they tested out new working lungs. He smiled at the thought of having one of those isolettes containing a child that belonged to he and Buffy. If only that could really happen. He was lost in thought when a voice sounded behind him, "William is that you?" He turned to see a very frazzled Bradley standing behind him.
"Bradley, you okay?" Spike asked concerned.
"I think I am now," Bradley sighed as he pointed towards an isolette that contained a sleeping baby with a blue cap, "That's Mitchell my son."
"He's a handsome boy." Spike smiled at Bradley, "You must be proud."
Bradleys voice hitched, "I am very proud that he's here and okay. But it wasn't as easy as I thought. Carma... she...she... "
"Take it easy, she's okay right?" Spike asked fear in his voice.
"She is going to be but it was a very close call. Her placenta detached and she started hemmoraghing. I've never seen so much blood, I was so scared." Bradley cleared his throat and looked at the sleeping baby again.
"I thought that childbirth was a piece of cake nowadays. I thought that things like that didn't happen anymore." Spike swallowed hard.
"It's rare but sometimes things go wrong." Bradley sighed, "Thank goodness we have a good doctor and everything is going to be okay. But that was the scariest thing I've ever gone through. I can't even think about life without Carma." Bradley gave a small smile.
"I know what you mean. Life without Buffy wouldn't be much of a life." Spike patted Bradleys shoulder, "I've got to go, you take care of Carma and that baby."
"I intend to." Bradley turned his glance back to the nursery window.
Spike got back into the elevator with a worried look on his face. He really had been so worried about the donor he had never considered Buffy being in real danger. He could not bear losing her to this. Now he had two things to worry about.
Buffy was coming out of Alberts room and almost ran into Spike, "You look like you've seen a ghost, you haven't have you?" She asked with a grin.
"No, I saw Bradley."
"Oh how is Carma?" Buffy asked as they walked they took the stairs back to the first floor.
"Okay, now. She almost died giving birth to thier son." Spike told her his voice a bit shaky.
"Oh no! What happened?"
"Something about her placenta and blood she almost bled to death!" Spike shook his head as they got in the car, "I didn't think that kind of thing happened anymore. You've got docs and hospitals now."
Buffy put her hand on Spike's arm, "I really don't think it happens very often, Spike. Carma and the baby are going to be okay right?"
"Yeah they are." He mumbled as he started the car.
"Well thats whats important. This really upset you didn't it?" Buffy scooted closer to him as he drove home.
"Well, it made me think, Buffy I want you happy, I want a child with you but I don't want there to be the slightest chance that I could lose you." His expression was serious.
"Spike it's really rare that anything goes wrong with a pregnancy. I wish I could promise that nothing would happen, but I can't. We can only take comfort in the fact that it is really a rare thing." She kissed his cheek.
"Well, I just worry about you." He relaxed a little as he pulled the car into their garage.
"I know you do, Sweetie." Buffy took his hand as they went into the house, "I feel very loved knowing you worry so much." She gave his hand a squeeze as they went to the kitchen to start supper.
Dr. Turner's office was full of bulletin boards that were plastered with faces of babies. Babies of all shapes and colors some smiling and others looking quite solemn. Spike stared at the faces on the board as Buffy signed in for her appointment. She watched him for a moment before she walked over to him, he had been unusually quiet all day, that worried her.
"I see you are in perfect health, Buffy. That's good, after reading over your chart, I want to suggest aritficial insemination. There are several types of AI, but , intrauterine insemination is the most commonly used form. It is very useful if the cause of infertility is insufficient sperm count as in your situation. We have lots of information on donors for the procedure. Only a very small amount of sperm deposited into the vagina, will find their way into the upper female genital tract. IUI places the sperm into the female genital tract to increase the likelihood that one of those sperm will fertilize an egg. IUI is ay quick procedure that we can do right here at the clinic . A sterile catheter containing the sperm is inserted through the cervix and into the uterine cavity. The sperm are then injected directly into the uterus. The procedure usually causes little to no discomfort and afterwards we wll ask you to remain lying down with your hips elevated for about 45 minutes. " Dr. Turner paused to take a breath and smile at the couple before her. "Any questions, so far?"
"Its a perfectly safe procedure?" Spike asked hesitantly.
"Yes very safe, the only problem is that although IUI is relatively uncomplicated, it does not allow the doctor to evaluate whether or not fertilization is capable of taking place. With invitro, the fertilization can be confirmed since it takes place outside of the womb, in a lab. With IUI, however, fertilization still takes place inside the body, more naturally, so we have to wait to see if the egg was actually fertilized or not. So there is a bit of waiting after the procedure."
"Does it usually work?" Buffy asked chewing on her bottom lip.
"It works on average about 15-20% per cycle when IUI is performed for the correct indications. If everything is normal, then a reasonable length of treatment is about three to six cycles."
"So it doesn't usually happen the first try?" Spike asked taking Buffy's hand in his.
"Sometimes it does but not very often. We need to have the best conditions for the procedure. Buffy will need to take this ovulation chart home with her and start taking her temperature every morning. We need to perform the procedure at her most fertile time." Dr.Turner handed a chart with instructions to Buffy. "So do you want to try this?"
Spike hesitated but when he saw Buffy's face light up he couldn't say anything to ruin her excitement. Buffy looked at him and nodded he squeezed her hand, "Yes we want to try." They said in unison.
Dr. Turner gave Buffy some more instructions on the ovulation chart and donor information as she and Spike left the office.
"Should we tell anyone? I mean maybe Dawn but I mean anyone else?" Buffy chattered as she and Spike cleaned up the dishes.
"That's up to you love. The doctor said it might not work the first time so maybe we should wait till we know?" He wrapped his arms around her waist and nuzzled her neck. She was so excited about this he would just have to shove his insecurities aside.
"You're right. We should wait. I'm even gonna hold off telling Dawn for awhile. This is so exciting!" She turned around and pressed herself against Spike, "A baby, we are going to have a baby!"
"Well not quite yet, pet." Spike whispered into her hair.
"No, but soon." Buffy hugged him even tighter.
A soft light shown through the living room curtains as Spike pulled into the driveway. Giles had called from England earlier in the day and asked him go into the woods and dig up a special root he needed for one of his herbal rememedies he was studying. It had started raining and Spike had told Buffy she could sit this trip out, he trudged into the woods armed with a shovel and a flashlight. As the rain came down harder he finally found the plant and dug up the root. He left the woods muddy and soaked to the bone. All he wanted to do now was get clean and dry and cuddle up in his warm bed with his wife.
He unlocked the front door quietly and took off his muddy boots at the door. Walking in his damp sock feet he went into the living room, Buffy was curled up on the end of the couch sound asleep. A basal temperature chart lay on the coffee table in front of her with instructions on finding her most fertile time. There were more pamphlets on the table containing more information then any vampire should know about a womans ovulation cycle. He smiled as a soft snore escaped as she moved in her sleep. He gently touched her hair and her hazel eyes opened, she smiled at him, "Wow, I didn't mean to fall asleep."
"It's okay, you must have been tired. Let me get cleaned up and I'll meet you in bed." He winked at her as he went to shower.
"Are you trying to proposition me?" She asked coyly as she followed him down the hall.
"So I have to try now?" He replied dramatically.
Buffy sniffed at him and wrinkled her nose, "Well you probably do need to shower, what were you rolling in?"
"A little mud used to wouldn't have put you off, you're getting old, Slayer." He grinned as he used his old name for her closing the bathroom door behind him.
She laughed as she cracked the bathroom door, "Guess we've just become like an old married couple now, the mystery is gone."
"Never, Pet." He called to her as he turned on the water and stepped into the shower. He chuckled to himself as he thought about how strange life can become, a vampire married to a slayer and trying to have a child. His mind drifted to the pamphlets and the charts, the more he thought about it the more all of this plotting seemed an unnatural way to have a baby. Maybe he would be more comfortable we adopting a baby, giving a home and lots of love to a child that needed it. Just tell her how you feel he thought as he turned off the water and dried off.
"Buffy." Spike called as he entered the bedroom, "We should talk."
"That sounds serious." Buffy grimaced as he climbed into the bed next to her. A thermometer and the temperature chart were on the bedside table now. She was ready to start the temperature chart, she wanted this so badly. He wanted a child of their own too, but this seemed so forced and he dreaded going through the donor information.
"What do you want to talk about?" She asked as she watched his brow furrow in his concentration.
"Nothing, it was nothing." He gave her a small smile. How selfish was he?, that he would keep Buffy from experiencing pregnancy just because he couldn't keep up his biolgical end of the deal.
"No, it was something." Concern weighed heavy in her voice.
"Nah - I was just thinking we should make the most of our time alone before we have a baby in the house. Soon we'll be up all night and we'll be too tired to... " Spike forced a grin and nuzzled her neck.
"I somehow don't think you'll ever be too tired for that. You sure nothing's wrong?" She kissed him lightly on the lips and looked directly in his eyes.
"I'm sure." He told her as he pulled her close for a deeper kiss.
The next morning he awoke to find Buffy sitting on the side of the bed.a thermometer in her mouth. "Morning."
She nodded a good morning to him and looked at the clock in a few minutes she took the thermometer out and recorded her temperature on the little chart. "I have to take my temp at the same time each morning, and theres places to record if I have a cold or something to elevate my temp."
"So you'll keep track of your temp rising and your cycle and bingo we'll know the fertile days?"
"Thats the plan. I also have to record the days of my period. When we get my cycle established we'll have a good idea of when to do the procedure." She put the thermometer away and folded up the chart.
"And then we get to look at that donor information." Spike sighed as he leaned against the headboard.
Buffy turned to him, "Does the donor really bother you?"
"Well I'd lie if I said that I didn't think that I would be happier if you were going to carry my child, but that's just not going to happen."
"Spike I'm serious if you can't handle this, I need to know. I want a child, but I don't want to cause you any pain. We can stop this now." There was a slight tremor in her voice as she spoke.
"Buffy, we've gone this far. I'll be okay." He smiled reassuringly at her, "It's like you said, I'm going to be the "daddy" and thats what counts."
"Yes you are." She perked up a bit as she scooted next to him.
"It's going to be fine. Just fine." He placed his arm around her and pulled her closer kissing the top of her head, "Now lets go get some breakfast 'Mommy'."
Several weeks went by and Buffy faithfully recorded her temperature and kept track of her cycle. She took her chart to the doctor and she looked over the results, "This is good, you seem to be on a very straight forward 28 day cycle, if you are ready we can try the procedure next month."
Buffy and Spike looked at each other and smiled. "That would be good." Buffy replied holding tightly to Spike's hand.
"Here is the donor information. We can take care of the transport etc." The doctor gave Buffy another handful of paperwork.
Buffy sat across from Spike crosslegged on the bed. "So this one sounds okay to you?"
"Yes, hazel eyes and light brown hair thats a lovely mix." He smiled at her, they were able to choose a donor's hair and eye color so it could be close to their own coloring.
"I kind of like blue eyes." She lay her hand on his cheek.
"I'm hoping for hazel just like yours! I'm glad we went with my natural hair color though." He said thoughtfully.
Two weeks later
"Are you ready for this Buffy?" Dr. Turner asked with a smile as Buffy lay on the exam table with Spike holding her hand.
"We're ready." Spike answered for her.
"Okay. Then lets do it." Dr. Turner was very calming as she explained every step of the procedure to Buffy as she performed it. When she was done she had Buffy lie still on the table.
"Well it's done." Spike smiled as he pushed Buffys hair behind her ear.
"Yeah now we just have to wait and see." She sighed and smiled back at him.
After about forty five minutes, Dr. Turner returned to the room. "Buffy you can go home now, you'll need to return in two weeks for a pregnancy test. I don't want you to be discouraged if this didn't work this time sometimes you have to go through a few cycles." She left the room for Buffy to dress.
Spike helped Buffy up from the table and handed her clothes to her, "She's right I don't want you to get too upset if this didn't work okay?"
"Sure, I know that it might not work, but I just want this badly and I have a good feeling." She kissed his cheek, "Don't worry."
He couldn't help but do just that as they left the office.
She pulled into the garage and let the door down to protect him from the light. "We're here sweetie." She called to the blanket covered lump in the back seat.
Spike cautiously lifted his out from beneath the blanket and smiled at her, "Don't move." He opened the car door and got out then opened her car door and gently lifted her from the seat.
"I think I can walk." She giggled as he fumbled with the key to the house, "Well since you've taken a few days off might as well take it easy." He told her as he carried her into the living room and sat her gently on the couch, smiling at her he placed the palm of his hand on her flat belly, "Something important trying to happen in there."
She took his hand in her own and placed a kiss in the palm, "Trying? No I have a feeling about this Spike it is "going" to work." Her eyes were bright with hope and he nodded his head in silence hoping she was right. He could see her planning on this before it had happened, optimism was good but he did want to see her hopes crushed if the procedure didnt' work the first time.
One week later
"Will you be home on time tonight?" He asked as she quickly ate her breakfast and took the prenatal vitamin the doctor had prescribed when she had talked about wanting to get pregnant.
"Maybe a little late, Albert has another date. He's becoming quite the ladies man." Buffy smiled as she gathered her purse, "I have shipement coming and if I feel like it, I may try to shelve part of it tonight."
"I could come help if you like, you might want to avoid all that lifting for a bit."
Her smile brightened, "That might be nice. I mean there's no reason to avoid lifting... yet."
He could hear the hope, the anxiousness in her voice, one more week and they would go in for the blood work. One week until they would know for sure. "I'll be there at dusk and I'll bring chinese."
"Thank you." She said tenderly and he could tell she was thanking him for more then just the promise of eggrolls and wonton soup.
"Your welcome." He replied leaning his head against hers until their foreheads met.
"I better go." She smiled as she leaned forward and kissed his lips with a gentleness and sincerity that made him reach for her and return the kiss. After several moments, she pulled back, "I really have to go now. See you tonight."
He watched her go through a narrow slit in the curtain. He loved her ... it still awed him exactly how much.
"If I do get pregnant, " Buffy smiled at him as she took the last eggroll and dipped it in the soy sauce, "I will have to pick up an occasional book, I work in a bookstore." She laughed. "You haven't let me pick up even one small box tonight."
"Not true, pet. Just that I was closer to the boxes and it was easier for me to get them." He picked at the fried rice in the box, "I just want everything to be okay, pet."
"It will be, Spike." She put down the last bite of eggroll and took his hand, "It's all going to work out, I just know it."
"I want it to all work out, but I also don't want you dissappointed, luv." He rubbed his thumb over the back of her hand that held his.
"I won't be, Spike. I mean even... even if it doesn't work the first time, we can try again." She tried to reassure him but it didn't quite reach her eyes.
"Yeah, pet. We can keep trying." He let go of her hand and began to clean up the chinese food containers and put them in the trash. "You ready to go home?"
"Yes, I'm ready. Let me check the back door." She stood and walked towards the back of the storeroom turning as she reached the door, "Spike?" She called to him over her shoulder.
"Yes." He replied with a small smile.
"I just feel like its going to work." She smiled at him again, "So, don't worry so much."
"Okay." He said softly as they walked out to the car.
Another week later
"You sure you don't want me to go?" Spike watched nervously as Buffy dressed for the appointment, "I mean got my trusty blanket right here." He patted at the old blanket lying on the bed.
"No, I'll be okay alone. And then I'll come home and we'll celebrate!" She grinned as she put on her shoes.
"Alright then, I'll be here." He smiled brightly on the outside as his insides turned to jelly with nervousness.
"Buffy, I just want to remind you that it's not unusual for this to take more then one try. So please don't be too dissapppointed." Dr. Tucker patted Buffy's arm as the tech drew her blood for the pregnancy test.
"I won't Doctor. But I have a really good feeling about this." Buffy smiled nervously as the doctor left the room. She picked up an ancient copy of a parenting magazine and flipped absentmindedly through the articles. After the longest half hour of her life Dr. Tucker returned to the room.
Buffy smiled, "Well?"
Dr. Tucker smiled at her a little too brightly, "I'm sorry, not this time. But we can try again on your next cycle. Okay?"
Buffy's heart sank all the way down to her toes, she had been so sure, so sure that this one time she would get what she wanted without the usual trauma. She blinked back tears, "Uh..yes, I'm okay. Just a little dissappointed is all." She stood up and grabbed her purse.
"Buffy, please don't let this bother you, it happens like this and it doesn't mean that the next time won't work." Dr. Tucker smiled reassurringly.
"Bye." Buffy replied quietly as she left the room. She sat in her car for twenty minutes before starting it. She knew she should go home, Spike would be waiting for her, waiting for the answer, waiting for a celebration that wasn't gonna happen. Not this month - probably with her luck never. How was he going to take it? Would he be upset at all? Yes she believed he wanted a baby, but he had been antsy about the donor, yes he had gone with her, he had held her hand during the procedure but really this probably wasn't going to upset him too badly afterall. By the time she pulled into the driveway she had convinced herself that he probably had only been humoring about the procedure and that if he had been able to have children the normal way she would not be going through this now! She knew it was wrong as she observed her inner self pity party but right now she was just to hurt to be anything more then angry.
Spike heard the car pull into the driveway and waited anxiously by the door. He knew it wasn't good as soon as she pulled the door open and slammed it closed behind her. "Buffy?" He questioned in a soft voice,
"No, didn't happen. I'm not pregnant, there will be no baby here." She stomped into the kitchen and poured herself a glass of orange juice.
"But the doctor said this happens alot, we can try again next month." He lay his hand on her shoulder and flinched as she pulled away from his touch.
"Not like it really matters to you anyway is it? This was clearly a 'lets make Buffy happy' ploy on your part. Well guess what? It didnt' work - of course it didnt' work - does anything ever come easy for me? No!! Heartache and drama are the themes of my life. I don't care what the doctor says - I'm not doing this again. So go ahead ... sigh with relief." She spit the bitter words at him knowing how hurtful they sounded but not caring.
The words hurt as she slung them at him, the hurt quickly turned to anger. "You know thats not true, Buffy! I want to give you a child as much as you want one. It's not fair to take this all out on me."
"Thats the gist of it - you want to give me a child and you can't! So you go along with this idea just to humor me!" Tears streamed down her face.
Spike wanted nothing more then to hold her close and let her cry it out, but her accusation of him not being able to give her a child stung... alot. It brought a scary thought to his mind. Maybe... maybe Angel had been right? Maybe he had been incredibly selfish to think that loving her was enough? That his total love and loyalty to her could make up for - children and normalcy? He bit his bottom lip and stared at her crying before him, "I'm so sorry, Buffy. I really didn't think. All I knew was that I loved you and I was so sure I could take care of you and make you happy. But I really can't can I? Angel left you for good reasons Buffy... I just figured that out." He ran his fingers through his hair and picked up his coat.
The softness and sincerity of his words brought Buffy out of her angry rant, "What?" She asked a look of fear on her face.
"I can't give you children - Angel was right if I had left you , like he did, by now you would be having children with a normal guy." He walked towards the door and put his hand on the knob.
"Where... where are you gong?" Buffy's voice trembled.
"I need to think. I'll be back, pet." He closed the door quietly behind him.
Buffy watched the door close and it dawned on her that the moment the doctor had told her she was not pregnant was not the worst moment of her day - *this* moment was far worse...
She watched the garage door close behind him unable to move. Since their wedding Spike had never once walked out of this house angry. She heard the familiar thrum of the Desoto start up - he was actually leaving. It was broad daylight! Did he even have his blanket? Her mind whirled as she ran into the garage just as the Desoto left the driveway. His blanket must be with him, he would be okay, he would calm down and then he would be okay, right? She hadn't meant to make him angry - she had just been so counting on this to work and when it didn't it seemed easiest to take it out on him - thats what he always let her do.
She sat down on the couch a pillow hugged close to her chest going over her hurtful words, she had to admit to herself that Spike hadn't left in anger he left in pain, pain she had caused him. What did he mean - Angel had left her for the right reasons? He couldn't give her normal? Those were old arguments she thought they had gone over all that a long time ago - it had been settled. Well settled until now - until the glaring truth of her biolgical clock tick tocking reminding her of what she didnt' have made her lose sight of what she did have. She loved him with all of her heart and yes she wanted a child but not if it came at the price of losing Spike. If he wasn't going to be part of her family she didn't want one!
She stood and began to pace, what to do? Did she go find him? Where should she even look? She needed to talk to someone - she picked the phone up to call Dawn. Dawn would know what to do.
The Desoto made its way through streets slowly. Spike watched the children playing in the yards through his darkened windows. He pulled up in a familiar driveway and grabbed his blanket, he hated that blanket right now, it represented just one more way he wasn't normal.
Spike made a dash for the shade of the front porch and pounded on the door. "It's me Bit, let me in."
"Spike? Is something wrong?" Dawn asked anxiously as she ushered him into the house.
"Yeah Bit, theres something wrong." He sighed as he sat down.
"Is Buffy okay?" Dawn's eyes grew wide with fear.
"She will be." He muttered as he examined his hands.
"Okay... what happened?" Dawn asked as she plopped down next to him on the sofa.
"Well, she's not pregnant." He sighed as he slumped against the sofa pillow.
"Is there something more you want to tell me, Spike?" Dawn asked with strange look on her face.
"Well, me and Buffy decided that a baby might be nice. I mean you have two great kids and Buffy...well she was getting those motherly feelings. And me well I'd love to have a baby with Buffy." Spike sighed yet again and continued, "So we go to the doc and learn about this artificial insemination stuff, I admit I kind of felt weird about Buffy carrying some strange guys baby, but if it made her happy and I *was* going to be the daddy anyway - well I could do it for her."
"So you two have decided to do this?" Dawn asked trying to hide her shock.
"We did it! But it didn't work and now Buffy is all mad at me about it!" Spike shook his head, "And you know what now I'm wondering maybe she's right. Maybe I've been selfish about this, mabye I was wrong to think I could always make her happy."
"Spike, I'm not sure I understand everything going on here, but I do know that Buffy loves you no matter what. She may be hurting now, but she loves you." Dawn lay her hand on his arm, "Never think that she doesn't love you and want to spend the rest of her life with you."
"Well, if she found someone normal... " He leaned his head back and closed his eyes.
Dawn stood as she heard Jordan come in, "Hey, " she called softly as she hugged him and kissed his cheek.
Jordan peeked at Spike and raised his eyebrows in question at Dawn, "Rough day, I'll explain later." She whispered as Jordan went to change.
The phone rang as Dawn walked back to the sofa, "Hello."
"Dawn, it's Buffy. Is... is Spike there?" Dawn could almost see her sister biting her bottom lip.
"No, he's not Buffy. Whats wrong?" DAwn answered.
Spike looked up at the mention of Buffy's name.
"Nothing, I mean everything. Can I come over?" Buffy sobbed into the phone.
"Sure, sweetie, come on over." Dawn said goodbye and hung up the phone, "Spike, you and Jordan" she looked at her husband as he entered the room are going out for a drink. Now."
"Buffy is coming over?" Spike asked with mild surprise.
"Yes, she is. Now you need to get out of here. Take Jordan with you." Dawn smiled at Jordan as he walked towards her.
"What do you want me to do?" Jordan asked his wife with a smile, "I've never got to be in on one of your covert operations before."
Dawn giggled slightly at him, "I love you - you know that?"
Jordan nodded his head, "I know."
"Please go with Spike just talk to him okay?"
"I can do that." Jordan smiled at Spike, "Come on. before Buffy gets here!"
Spike started the car and looked suspiciously at the man in the seat next to him, "No offense, Jordan. Your're a good guy but we don't really know each other well."
"Well we are brother in laws, married to two incredible sisters." Jordan replied with a grin.
"There is that, but really we don't know a lot about each other." Spike sighed.
"Oh you mean that I don't know the reason for your "sun" allergy - never really talked about it, but I assumed it had to do with being a vampire." Jordan smiled at Spike matter of factly.
If Spike could have choked he would have right then and there, thankfully the sun had gone down and he didn't have to worry about handling the blanket when they got of the car at the place Jordan had directed him too. "You know?" Spike sputtered as they went into the small Wafflehouse.
"Yes, I've known for a while. Dawn's my wife...we share things." Jordan smiled at Spike as they entered the restaurant.
The waitress smiled prettily at the two handsome men as she led them to a booth and handed them menus. "What can I get you to drink?" She asked cheerily.
"Coffee is fine with me." Jordan replied as he opened the menu.
"Same here." Spike watched the waitress walk away, "So how long have you known? I mean you never let on."
"I've known for a while before you and Buffy married and it just never seemed the right time to ask 'hey how is that vampire thing working out for you?'" Jordan looked back down at his menu, "Waffles are great here with that blackberry syrup stuff on them. Dawn loves them."
The waitress showed up with their coffee and left it on the table.
"So you never questioned Dawn about the weirdness in her life such as a sister who ... "
"Slays vampires yet somehow ended up married to one?" Jordan finished the sentence in a low voice.
Spike shook his head in amazement at his brother in laws calmness, "Yeah that."
"I love Dawn with all my heart and I figured out a long time ago that the Summer's women have more family secrets then... well then anyone. And some of them she lets me in on and some of them she just can't and I have to trust her on that. But hey here were are so you might as well tell me what the problem is, maybe I can even help." Jordan nodded at the waitress and she returned to the table.
"Ready to order?" She asked as she pulled out her pad.
"Yes, I'd like the waffle stack please." He closed the menu and handed back to her then looked at Spike, "You want try them?"
"Sure." Spike nodded, "That sounds good."
"Okay be a few minutes." She told them as she went to place the order.
"Well if Dawn trusts you, I guess I can." Spike told him the whole story and then sighed as he leaned his head back against the booth.
"So do you really believe that Buffy would be better off without you? I mean seriously? Because I remember "pre Spike Buffy" and she was a sad woman." Jordan took a long sip of coffee.
"Well if she had a normal guy, she would probably have a house full of kids by now." Spike frowned as sipped the last of his coffee.
The food arrived and Jordan reached for the blackberry syrup, "Try it." He offered the sticky bottle to Spike. The waitress refilled their coffee cups and left them alone. Jordan continued, "Buffy wasn't going to find a normal guy Spike, she loved you and it didn't matter how many nice guys tried to go out with her she never found anyone and she wouldn't because she loves you. This seems like a hard thing, I know but you'll work through it. And hey, thats not the only way to have a baby, lots of people adopt children every year."
"You really think she would still be alone if I hadn't come back?" Spike asked as he took a bite of his waffle.
"Yeah, I really do." Jordan nodded his head, "So you like the syrup?"
"It's actually very good." Spike took another bite, "You know I thought about the adoption thing, I think it would be a good thing to give a child a home who really needed it. And there would never be a question the child would be ours just as if we had done it the old fashioned way." Spike nodded as he cut another piece of waffle.
"I know you'll work this out, it just seems bigger then it really is and Buffy was upset. I don't know everything about her past but I do know that not much has come easy for her."
"That's true, poor Pet she always has to go the long way around." Spike agreed.
"Dawn!" Buffy called as she opened the front door.
"I'm in here, Buffy." Dawn called from the living room.
"Your door is unlocked thats not good." Buffy frowned as she sat down.
"Sorry, I guess Jordan didn't lock it when he and Spike left."
"Spike was here? You said he wasn't - he left with Jordan? Where did they go?" Buffy asked the questions in rapid fire sequence.
"Calm down, well he was leaving with Jordan when you called, he needed to talk to someone. He's okay, he told me what happened." Dawn replied softly placing her hand on her sisters arm.
"He told you about the pregnancy thing?"
"Yes, I'm sorry it didn't work Buffy. You can try again though and really it wasn't Spike's fault. He feels terrible." Dawn gave her sister a small smile.
"I know it's not his fault, I was just counting on it, but nothing ever happens easily for me. But he left Dawnie, he said that maybe Angel had the right idea when he left me, it was for my own good -all those old arguments. And I have to find him, I have to let him know that he is the most important thing, I want a child but I want him more." Buffy played nervously with the fringe on the sofa pillow.
"I told him that you loved him, that you were just upset. Jordan is talking to him, I'm not sure where they went. But they'll be back soon, I'm sure."
"Do you think he'll forgive me?" Buffy asked her voice slightly trembling.
"I think that's an easy 'yes', you are everything to him, Buffy. He would love to have a child with you too, but I think he is nervous about all of these procedures etc. I know that you two will find a way though." Dawn reassured Buffy with a smile.
"I hope so, but if we don't we will have each other and that's enough." Buffy sighed as she leaned back against the sofa.
"Dawn, we're back." Jordan called as he and Spike entered the house.
"Guess she's in there." Spike nodded towards the living room.
"Probably, It's gonna be okay, Spike." Jordan started towards the livingroom with Spike following.
Dawn stood when they entered the room, "Hey where did you two go?"
"Waffle House." Jordan answered with a grin, "Where are the kids?"
"Sleeping." Dawn smiled, "You had waffles with blackberry syrup didn't you?"
"Yes, I did. So I won't need supper." He patted his tummy.
Buffy and Spike watched each other nervously. Finally Dawn broke the awkwardness, "Jordan lets go check the kids. I think Buffy was about to leave anyway, I'm sure you two can see your way out." Dawn nodded at them as she and Jordan left the room.
"Subtle isn't she?" Spike rolled his eyes at Dawn's back.
"Very." Buffy agreed with a smile, "I'm sorry."
He reached his hand out to take hers, "I know, don't worry about it."
"No, I was really wrong. No matter what, Spike. I want you with me." She took his hand and they went to his car.
"We'll get your car tomorrow, lets go home, okay?" Spike told her as he opened the car door for her.
Buffy slid into the seat next to Spike moving his well worn blanket to the back seat. "You know I was worried that you didn't have your blanket when you left this afternoon." She smiled at him and leaned against him as he drove.
"Worried that I had left my blankie?" He laughed softly. "You know pet, when we have a child and we *will* find a way someday you may be the only mom who worries about daddy losing his blankie more then baby losing his."
Buffy's soft laughter joined with his, "You think we will really find a way?"
"Yeah, I do Pet." He leaned down and kissed the top of her head.
"Well you know even if we do, you'll still be my baby too." She smiled as she gave his leg a squeeze.
Two weeks later
"So, Pet are we ever gonna talk about you seeing Doc Tucker again?" Spike wrapped his arms around Buffy's waist as she stirred a pot of spaghetti sauce. "Not that I'm not happy that we are back on good terms but I have noticed that when I wake up in the morning the thermometer is missing from your mouth."
Buffy sighed as she turned the fire off under the sauce and turned in his embrace to face him she lay her hands on his chest, "I don't think I want to do it, I think we'll find another way, I rushed us into this, I see that now, we'll take our time okay?"
He kissed her forehead gently, "Of course it's okay. It's also okay if later you decide you do want to try again. You understand that right?"
She nodded as she disentangled herself from him and began to get the supper dishes out, "I know."
"Just so we're clear, don't want any more misunderstandings." He helped her carry the food to the table.
Another week passed and as Spike was going through the desk in the den to write out the bills, he found the stack of pamphlets Buffy had brought home when she had decided to look into having a baby. The pamphlet on adoption caught his eye and he pulled it out from the rest. It was brightly colored and the front was emblazoned with the words "Did you know?" The pamphlet proceeded to ask if you knew that you didnt' have to own your own home or be married or have a large savings account to adopt a baby. It talked about having a good loving home to give a child being the most important thing. Spike tapped his fingers on the desk as he lay the pamphlet out, mabye Buffy should look at this.
"Spike, I'm home!" Buffy called out as she unlocked the front door.
"Good you're home, I wanted to show you... " He was interrupted by a kiss and Buffys rushed words.
"Dawn called she and Jordan actually have a babysitter and they want us to go out to dinner with them. Is that okay?"
"Yeah thats fine." He smiled at her.
"Now, what did you want to show me?" She asked as she headed to the bedroom to change clothes.
"It can wait till after dinner." Spike told her as he changed clothes too.
"You sure?" She turned to him with a questioning look.
"I'm sure. Let's go to dinner." He grinned at her taking her hand as they left the house, "We arent' eating at that waffle place are we?" He asked as he started the car.
Buffy giggled, "No, no waffles tonight. Although Dawn said that Jordan had turned you on to blackberry syrupy goodness."
"It was rather good."
"Tonight it's mexican, Don Juans." Buffy snuggled next to him.
"Where did all the traffic come from?" Spike grumbled as the car slowed to a snail pace.
"Hmm... I don't know, maybe an accident?" Buffy replied as she stared out the passenger window. Her eyes caught a glimpse of a large billboard with the word "Adoption" in huge letters across the top. The billboard had a huge "Did you know?" under the adopton asking several questions about adoption then ending with the most important thing you had if you wanted to adopt a child was a good loving home to offer. Buffy smiled and reread the words again. A good loving home. She and Spike had that to offer a child, a child that could be there child. Maybe, maybe she should talk to Spike later tonight.
"Finally!" Spike mumbled as the traffic began to move, "Bit's gonna wonder where we are."
"Spike, they are never on time since they had children, we'll probably still beat them to the restaurant." Buffy patted his arm.
"That's true, all that stuff they have to do to get the babies ready to be babysat, and then of course it takes them a half hour to say goodbye." Spike shook his head and smiled.
"Yeah that must be nice, huh?" Buffy said softly.
Spike turned to her and saw her soft smile, "Yeah it must be." He agreed.
"Sorry we're late, but Will was just so cute when we were leaving, he wanted to make sure we told Aunt Buffy and Uncle Spike hello for him and tried to send you some gummy bears that were only half slobbered on." Dawn explained as they were seated at the table.
Buffy laughed softly, "That was sweet of him."
"He's a sweet little boy, and I'm not the least bit prejudiced." Dawn giggled.
"So how is the vampire thing going for you?" Jordan spoke quietly to Spike a large grin on his face.
"Fine, thanks for asking," Spike replied with an equal grin.
The evening went well as the two couples caught up on the latest news on Buffy's store and the latest cute things that Will and Leah had learned. The evening ended fairly early so Dawn and Jordan could get home to the kids, the babysitter had school in the morning.
"That was fun." Buffy held tightly to Spikes hand as they walked to the car.
"It was, we should get together more often."
"I think it's harder for them now that they have the kids. But it's probably worth it." Buffy sighed.
"I'm sure it is, Buffy remember I wanted to show you something before we left?" Spike asked as he drove home.
"Yes, there's something I want to talk to you about too."
"Oh - you first then." He said agreeably.
"No, you can go first." She smiled at him.
"Well, it's just that I was looking at those pamphlets you brought home and there was one on adoption. Well we never really looked at those much and I was thinking... ummm... maybe we could look into. You know you don't have to have a lot of money or even be married to adopt nowadays. All you need to have is... "
Buffy laughed softly as she finished his sentence, "A good loving home to offer a child."
Spike pulled the car over and stared at her, "You... saw that too?"
"Well actually I saw a billboard on the way to the restaurant, but I thought it would be better to wait to discuss it after dinner." She took his hand in hers looking straight into his eyes, "We have that don't we? A good loving home?"
"Yes, Luv. We have a home full of love to offer." He pulled her close to him, "I told you we would find away."
Buffy and Spike sat in the middle of their bed pamphlets spread out in front of them. "We have to call and make an appointment with the adoption agency, they have to inteview us and look at the house and stuff." Buffy picked up a pamphlet with a phone number on it, "You are sure about this right?"
"Yes, I am sure about this! This is perfect for us. First thing tomorrow you call." Spike gave her a lazy smile as he ran his hand up and down her bare arm.
Buffy lay back on the bed her head against the headboard, "Boy or girl?"
Spike scooted up next to her, "Doesn't matter to me. You have a preference?"
Buffy shook her head, "No, I just want a baby. I know that sometimes adoption takes awhile, but mom used to say good things are worth waiting for and this is a really good thing." She smiled at him as she place a gentle kiss on his lips.
His lips met hers murmuring against them, "Yes it is."
Later that night, they sat together in bed tired from lovemaking yet excited about their decision. "How about names?" Buffy giggled as she cuddled closer to Spike.
"You've got the papers Angel got for you right?" Buffy asked Spike for the second time as she straightened his tie for him.
'Yes, luv. My complete background right here." Spike lifted the envelope of papers for her to see as he stuck them in his coat pocket.
"Okay, well don't be nervous. We are decent people, we can give a child a good home, we have lots of love to give." Buffy chattered as she gathered her purse.
"You don't have to convince me, pet." He grinned at her taking her hand and giving it a squeeze, "It's going to be okay, I promise."
"Okay, let's go." She held his hand tightly as they left for the adoption agency.
"That should do it, everything seems in order here. We will make an appointment to come look at your house and then its a matter of waiting." The adoption agent smiled at Buffy and Spike, "Sometimes this can take a while, adopitive parents have to learn a lot about patience."
"It went well didnt' it?" Buffy asked nervously as she picked at her dinner.
"Went great, pet. Even Ms. Saunders said so. Now we just have to learn how to wait. And as long as I have you I can wait."
"Spike,you know even if we never get a baby. It's gonna be okay, I want you to know that you make me happy. A baby is extra happiness, but I don't want you to ever think that you aren't enough for me." She sighed as she pushed the plate away.
Spike took both of her hands in his, "I know that. But I have a feeling this is going to work out for us."
Two years later
The small room off of the nursery was crowded as Buffy and William Pennington packed up the diaper bag and the welcome baby balloons. Marie Saunders - adoption agent smiled at the couple as she handed the small squalling bundle to his mother. Buffy's face beamed as she held the baby boy close to her and quieted his crying. Spike stood next to her, peeking at the tightly bundled baby's small pink face, he was almost bursting with pride. Dawn and Jordan stood by smiling as Ms. Saunders introduced the new parents to their son, Gareth Daniel.
"If you need us, just call." Dawn kissed Buffy's cheek and softly rubbed the baby's head as she and Jordan got ready to leave.
"I will, but I think we'll be fine." Buffy replied from her seat in the new rocking chair.
"Okay, we'll see ourselves out." Dawn smiled at her sister as she left.
"He's perfect isn't he?" Spike's voice filled with the awe of a new parent, as he knelt beside the chair and unwrapped a tiny foot, examining the five perfect toes.
"Absolutely." Buffy nodded in agreement.
Gareth opened both eyes then and scrunched up his face letting out a loud wail.
"Has his mommy's lungs." Spike laughed softly.
"I think he's hungry." Buffy stood up with the baby, "Here you take my place in the rocker, while I go heat his bottle."
Spike settled into the rocker and accepted the tiny bundle. Buffy went to the kitchen to heat the bottle.
"Your daddy's big boy, yes you are." Spike cooed at the crying baby, "It's okay, mommy is getting your supper." He began to hum as he getnly rocked.
Buffy stopped for a moment in the doorway just watching Spike rocking the baby. It was something she had never thought she would see. She gave the bottle to Spike, he offered it to little Gareth who latched on to it greedily, making adorable sucking noises as he enjoyed his meal.
"Mommy's lungs, and daddy's appetite." Buffy giggled as she knelt beside the rocker and rested her head on Spike's shoulder.
She knew in her heart that if she had never had the chance to be a mother she would have survived, Spike would have made sure she was happy. But now sitting here with Spike and their son, she felt more complete then she ever had. And as for that cursed biological clock - all that was left of it was a very faint tick tock.
The End