"Moonlight Confessions"

Author: A. Price
Email: andramichelle@yahoo.com

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He watched her sleeping, curled up trustingly against a demon. Spike smiled down at her and ran a gentle hand through her blond hair. He had too much to think about, she confused him, excited him, made him happier then he had ever been and she scared him - really scared him.

Buffy's mom was out of town for a week on a art buying trip. She had taken full advantage of the situation. This was the fourth night this week she had come to visit. The third night this week, that they had ended up in this room. He wasn't complaining, he loved waking up next to her. She was warm up against his cool body, and he could watch her and feel her soft breath as she slept up against him for hours on end.

The fear first hit him the third night they spent together. When she fell asleep he lie watching her, and realized just how mortal she was. Just how easily her breath could be taken away from her, taking her away from him forever. It scared him more then he wanted anyone to know. It had put a thought into his head, it would be so easy to turn her, she could live forever by his side, he would never lose her. It had been so tempting that night as he watch her sleep. But he had not been able to go through with it, knowing she would hate him if she did. He needed to talk to her about this fear. But he didn't want to scare her.

He threw on his jeans and went out on the balcony. He lit a cigarette and watched the stars dancing in the moonlit sky. Buffy reached over in the bed and felt only blankets, no Spike. < Where is he? > She felt a little bit of irrational fear as she opened her eyes fully and glanced around the room, noticing the door was open slightly to the balcony. She got up and put on Spikes shirt, buttoning three buttons she went to the balcony. He stood there quietly, she slipped up behind him, placing her arms around his waist, lying her head on his back. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing, Luv. Why are you up?" He replied as he placed his hands over hers on his waistline.

"I woke up alone, it kind of scared me for a minute. I know it's silly, have you ever felt scared for no good reason?" She asked softly. The she laughed "Silly question, of course not, your big, brave Spike."

He removed his hands from hers and disentangled her from him, turning around to face her, he placed a gentle kiss on her forehead. "Actually, I have felt that way before. You make me feel that way, Buffy."

Buffy looked at him in surprise "You're afraid of me?"

"Well, not exactly of you, but for you. I watch you breathing at night, and I see you fighting the good fight, it makes me worry for you. It makes me fear losing you. It makes me think bad thoughts..." his voice trailed off as he looked up at the moon.

"Bad thoughts? What bad thoughts?" She questioned him concern in her voice.

"Never mind, it's nothing"

"It doesn't sound like nothing. Come on, Spike, confession is good for the soul. 'Fess up."

"You don't want to hear this, pet." he softly replied.

"I think I need to though."

He drew in a sharp non-breath and began to speak. "When I think about something happening to you, I mean you dying, it scares me so much, I'm tempted to bring you over. I think about making you one of us."

Buffy let out a little gasp, then regained her composure before she took his hand in hers. Looking in his eyes, "Would you ever do it? Would you change me, knowing I would never want that?" She asked seriously.

"I want to say no, never, that I would never go against your wishes, that I would let go of you gracefully. But truthfully, if you were gravely hurt, and it came down to losing you or changing you, I'm not sure I have the willpower or strength to lose you." He looked straight into those green eyes, unsure of what he would see there.

Buffy sighed, she looked away from his gaze and stared up at the sky. "I have a confession also. Spike, I don't want to die, and I realize I have a job where the life expectancy is low. And sometimes, in the back recesses of my mind, when I think about the unfairness of it all, your idea might tempt me. But I couldn't do it, Spike. I can love you, but I could never become like you. Do you understand?" She turned around to face him again. That irrational fear back.

"I understand, Buffy. If confession is so good for the soul, how come I don't feel any better? Why do I feel that my confession has taken me a step closer to losing you?" His voice sounded almost bitter.

"Spike, do you love me?" She whispered as she wrapped her small arms around his neck.

"I love you more then anything. You have to know that." He answered pulling her even closer to him, willing her to know just how much he cared.

"Then you aren't going to lose me ever. Love goes beyond the grave, Spike. I trust you, if you are ever forced to make that decision, you'll make the right one, because you love me. You'll say goobye, and you'll grieve, and I'll know that wherever I am, that you loved me." She told him tenderly as she brought her lips to his.

"You're so sure?" He asked breaking the kiss and smiling at her.

She nodded her head, then smiling up at him she added "Confession makes me hungry, any of that mint chocolate chip ice cream left?"

He gently laughed and took her hand leading her inside. He led her to the bed and went downstairs. He returned shortly with a bowl of ice cream and a spoon. He handed it to Buffy, who was already under the covers, sitting up in the bed.

He smiled as he watched her eat the ice cream, a gleeful look on her face as she savored each cool bite. When she was done, he took the bowl from her and leaned in for a kiss, he could still feel the coolness of the ice cream in her mouth and the sharp minty taste on her breath. She pulled him closer and deepened the kiss.

Soon he had joined her under the covers, they spent the rest of the night confessing their love for each other!