"Painfully Aware"
Author:
A. Price
Email: andramichelle@yahoo.com
Spike got as far as the alley behind Willy's before they caught up with him, he was up against the wall as the six demons of various sizes and shapes pummeled him unmercifully. He was just losing conciousness as when he heard a familiar voice, "Come on, guys, six against one? Where is the fairness in that?" He saw a flash of blond hair and demons running in every direction as he slumped down to the ground, closing his eyes.
"Spike?" The voice asked as a small hand gently shook his shoulder. "Spike, are you okay?"
He opened his already swelling eyes and squinted at Buffy. "Hell, Slayer, do I look like I'm okay?" He grumbled as he took the hand she offered and stood up, quickly slumping back against the wall, holding his ribs.
"Whoa. Hold on, I'll help you back to your place," She said as she slid an arm around him helping him to stand. After thinking a moment she added, "No, not your place, a crypt is no where to heal. The mansion is still empty we'll go there. I'm sure there are still some bandages there."
He nodded and painfully walked with her help, to the mansion. Buffy helped him lie down on the couch. "Why did they beat you up anyway? I would have thought that helping Adam would have put you back in their good graces."
"Adam was ripping demons apart for fun, Slayer. So I'm still on their list." He grimaced with pain as he spoke.
"I'm going to find bandages and get something to clean you up with. You have got to be the stupidest vampire on record, now everyone is against you." She told him as she left the room.
"Hey, Hey!" He called to her as she left, she turned around, "What?"
"Why are you helping me?" He asked curiosity in his voice.
"Because, I feel bad for what the Iniative did to you, I mean the fact that you can't hurt people is good, but the way they were treating you was wrong." She sighed as she went down the hall to the bathroom.
Spike settled on to the couch, he could feel blood seeping from a wound on his back and his ribs were hurting quite a bit.
Buffy came back in a few minutes with a bowl of water and a washcloth and several bandages. "Here, let me help you sit up. We'll get this shirt off and I clean your wounds and wrap those ribs."
He sat up dizzily. Buffy helped him off with his shirt she gasped slightly when she saw his back, a very large and deep cut was bleeding quite a bit on his lower back. She cleaned it gently then made a compress from another cloth and tried to staunch the bleeding. When she was sure the bleeding had stopped she began to wrap the broken ribs. He moaned slightly but let her tighten the bandage, he then closed his eyes and slumped back on the pillow all of his reserved energy gone.
"Spike, Spike?" She asked a little bit of worry in her voice.
"Hmmm.." He mumbled.
"I think you need some blood."
"You offering?" He cracked a small smile but didn't open his eyes.
She glared at him. "No. But I will make a trip to the butchers for you. I'll be back in a little while."
"You fed Angel." He muttered as a pain hit him.
"Vampire, you are walking a thin line here." She said shaking her head as she left the mansion.
Spike soon fell into a fitful sleep filled with dreams of demons attacking him and being rescued by the Slayer no less.
Buffy made her way quickly to the Butcher shop just as he was closing. She made her purchase and headed back to the mansion. On her return trip she pondered why she was helping Spike at all. He'd tried to kill her numerous times, he hurt Angel, he sided with Adam, he was a royal pain all the way around. But even she had to admit he had his moments, she grinned as she remembered Willow's have my own way spell. If it had lasted much longer Spike would have had his 'own way" with her. She shuddered at the thought, then smiled again, he was a good kisser, a very good kisser in fact. "Now where did that come from?" She asked out loud. * Riley, think of Riley. Good ole' reliable Riley."
She quietly entered the living room carrying the bag containing his blood. He appeared to be sleeping, he looked almost vulnerable, impulsively she ran a gentle hand through his hair.
Spike woke with a start, hurting his ribs even more, he cursed. Buffy jumped back, holding the bag out to him. "I'm sorry I startled you." She said softly.
"S'okay." He mumbled as he took the bag from her. He opened it wincing with every movement. When he finally sat up he let out a sigh and drank slowly from the cup.
She watched him intently as he drank, Angel had never allowed her to watch him drink before, and she couldn't really see the one time he had drank from her. Spike seemed at ease though, and she realized she wasn't really grossed out the way she had thought she might be.
He noticed her watching him, "Didn't anyone ever tell you it's impolite to stare?"
She frowned at the knowledge that she had been caught staring. "Has anyone ever told you that a 'thank you' is nice when someone saves your lousy hide and then nurses and brings you dinner too?"
A smile broke on his lips as he finsished the blood, here was an example of the spunky slayer that he knew and loved. Well, knew, the loved part, he wouldn't go there right now. He smiled at her, "Thank you. Are you happy now? Now you can go back to the soldier boy and all the little scoobies."
"I'm not sure I should leave you alone. You are pretty beat up you know, I'm not sure you'll even be able to walk by yourself or if you will even keep that blood down." She told him as she settled in a chair across from him.
As if she'd said the magic word, Spike could feel the blood coming back up his throat as she spoke. "Thanks Slayer, you cursed me." He barely got the words out as he struggled to stand and tried to walk towards the bathroom. He didn't make it and sank to his knees, throwing up the blood all over the floor.
Buffy was at his side in a moment, she rubbed his back as he finished. Then wordlessly helped him back to the couch. She retrieved more cloths, cleaning up his face and then the floor. He watched from the couch through half closed eyes.
When she was done she finally spoke, "That was lovely, Spike. I told you that you were in no shape to be left alone." She sat down in the chair again and curled her feet up under her, she lie her head on the arm of the chair.
"What are you doing?" He croaked his throat still raw from the blood coming up.
"I'm going to try to get some sleep, if you need me, just wake me up." She closed her eyes and snuggled deeper into the chair.
He watched her feeling confused until he saw her rhythmic breathing and sensed she was asleep. He was too tired and it hurt too much to think about why she was here, so he closed his eyes and went to sleep, a smile on his face as a very delicate snore came from the sleeping Slayer.
He felt a soft kiss on his forehead, he opened his eyes to find Buffy inches from his face. Impulsively he pulled her down to him finding her soft lips with his, delving into her warm mouth with his cool tongue. To his surprise she didn't push away, instead she gave in to the kiss. After a moment she sighed and pulled away. "Hey are you sure you feel up to this?" She asked concern heavy in her voice, as one hand gently caressed his chiseled cheekbone.
He kissed the hand on his face and answered, "Yes, I've felt up to this for a long time now." She lowered her head and kissed him again, placing her arms around his neck she lie beside him, ever careful of his bandaged ribs. She kissed his forehead, his eyelids, the tip of his nose and then his lips again.
His roaming hands found the buttons on her shirt and fumbled with them, she giggled softly, "Let me do that for you." And he watched as she sat up and unbuttoned her blouse. He smiled at her, "You're beautiful," was all he managed as he took in her bare, tan skin.
He reached for her again and she snuggled close to him her warmth warming him. He'd never felt so happy.
"Spike." She whispered lovingly.
"Spike, Spike." Spike opened his eyes to find Buffy gently shaking him.
"Damn, it was dream." He muttered under his breath as he focused his still slightly swollen eyes on her.
"What?"
"Nothing." He answered her as he sat up.
"I've got an early class to get to, I'll go by the butcher's and be back in a little while." She told him as she gathered her bag and went for the door.
He watched her as she left and was suddenly left with a empty feeling. She truly was his sunlight and someday maybe he should tell her. For the next little while, though he intended to enjoy her sweet nursing ministrations. The more time she nursed him, the less time she could spend with that Iniative creep. He would never trust Riley Finn and in his opinion Buffy shouldn't either.
"I've got to go check on him, Riley. I can't explain, I just feel like I should." Buffy told him as she finished her coffee. Riley was not happy that she was nursing the former hostile 17, he didn't trust Spike and in his opinion Buffy shouldn't either.
"I'll see you tonight at the Bronze, 8:00 sharp." She kissed his cheek and left to get Spike's blood.
She knew something was wrong as soon as she arrived, Spike was not in the living room. She called out his name, no answer, but a slight moan from the bathroom. She found him on the tile floor, he looked terrible, shivering and moaning softly. She knelt beside him, "What's wrong?" She asked as he looked up at her.
Spike shuddered visibly, he'd been practicing this bit all day, "I've been shivering and I threw up again." He told her in a pitiful, weak voice. She looked down at him, eyes full of sympathy.
"Let's get you to the bedroom this time and we'll look at those bandages and that cut on your back. If it's been bleeding, that may be why you are weak." She helped him to the bed and began to remove the bandage from his back wound. "It has been bleeding some." She told him as she went to the dresser and got fresh bandages.
Of course it had been bleeding some, he'd helped it out just a little bit by moving the bandage around. He could always say the bandage got messed up in his sleep.
She rewrapped his ribs and redressed the wound. She then brought the blood into him. "Here, drink this slowly. We don't want a repeat of last night."
He took the cup and sipped the blood slowly. After a few sips he forced himself to gag slightly, just enough that Buffy jumped back and took the cup. "I think that's enough for now. Try to get some sleep. I'll stick around until dark, but then I have to go get ready to meet Riley at the Bronze at 8."
"Okay." He said softly as he closed his eyes. *There was no way he was letting her meet Riley tonight.*
Spike slept for a little while, as Buffy studied. At 7:00 she came into the bedroom to check on him, he smiled up at her weakly. "I've got to go now. Here why don't I put this blood on the bedside table, so if you get hungry it's there."
"I'm not helpless, Slayer. Just leave it where it is." He said grumpily.
"Okay, whatever you want. All of this gratitude you've given me is really overwhelming." She said sarcastically as she left the room.
He waited till the count of five, just so she'd be in earshot to get out of the bed and then fall to the floor with a loud thud. It hurt the ribs slightly, but they were already almost healed and the pain would be worth it, if this worked.
He lay there for a few seconds when he heard the sound of running footsteps down the hall, "Spike!" She shouted as she entered the bedroom, she knelt beside him and helped him up and back to the bed. "I told you last night you were beat up badly and you wouldn't listen to me."
"What do you care anyway?" He shouted then gave a very convincing grimace of pain.
"I really don't know why I care." She glared at him as she picked up the phone and dialed Riley's number.
"Who are you calling, I don't want an invasion of Scooby Gang member's over here to witness my being sick."
"I'm calling Riley and cancelling tonight, so I can stay with you and make sure you are okay. Maybe you can get some blood down later."
"You don't have to do that. I can take care of myself." He spat out at her.
"Yeah, right." She answered rolling her eyes.then speaking into the phone "Riley, yes, I know. I'm sorry but I have to cancel. Well, because Spike is still pretty banged up and... yes I know he's a vampire... I know, but he really needs someone tonight... That's unfair, Riley, how can you say that?... Fine, I'll talk to you tomorrow." She slammed the phone down.
Spike had rolled over so he faced the wall, a large smile on his face. *
Buffy sat down in a chair across the room. She let out a heavy sigh. Spike rolled back over and tried to look apologetic and pitiful at the same time. "You okay, Slayer. I don't want you in trouble with the Soldier on my account."
"I'm fine. He has to learn that I am my own person. I'll nurse who I want to, vampire or not. And it's wrong for him to keep throwing the vampire thing in my face whenever we argue." She stuck out her bottom in lip in the most delicious pout Spike had ever seen.
"What did he say?" He asked trying to sound uninterested.
"He said I have a strange attraction towards vampires. That's not true." She pouted some more.
"Well there was the mighty brooding one." Spike said with a small smile.
She smiled slightly, "One, one vampire. And your right he does like to brood." She giggled softly and it was like music to Spike's ears.
He broadened his smile when he realized she wasn't mad at him for the remark. "So, Riley doesn't like me, forgive me for not being offended."
She giggled again, "Of course he doesn't like you, you demon him human."
"Is that really how he sees it?"
"Yeah, I think so most of the time, it's all black and white for him, but he's trying, he really is a good guy." She said wistfully.
"If you say so."
"No, really he is kind and decent, and he cares for me. He just hasn't seen as much as I have. So he doesn't always understand." She trailed off as in she was trying to convince her self as much as Spike of Riley's character.
"Mr. Kind and decent stood by while Walsh played out her experiments." He snorted.
"He didn't know, Spike." Buffy said softly.
"Well, whatever there were things he did know, and he never questioned." Spike continued.
"I'm not going to sit here and defend Riley all night, Spike." Buffy said harshly as she stood.
"Oh, well then explain exactly why you are here and not with the fine upstanding Mr. Finn." Spike eased himself off the bed and stood now.
"Because I stupidly assumed you needed someone tonight. But I should have known better. Rot for all I care, throw up every ounce of blood you try to drink." She hissed at him as she turned and went towards the door.
Spike moved a little slower then usual, but still managed to catch her before she could leave, he held her thin wrist in his hand. Hazel eyes glared at him. "What do you want?" She said between clenched teeth, pulling herself from his grasp.
He laughed then, "What do I want? Do you really want to know, Slayer?" He asked moving closer to her until their noses almost touched. Her eyes never lost contact with his as she nodded her head and swallowed hard.
Then in a barely audible whisper he said three words, "I want you."
"Me?" It came out as a small squeak. Buffy's face softened as she leaned up against the closed door.
It was his turn to nod now. He did so slowly waiting for her to bolt out the door. She took him by surprise when instead she slowly slid down the wall and sat on the floor. Hesitantly he sat beside her close enough for shoulders to rub against each other. They sat that way in silence for at least 10 minutes, the only sound was a sigh from Buffy.
Finally Spike could stand the silence no longer, he turned to her, "Well?"
She gave him a half smile, "Well, what?"
"I just confessed I wanted you, surely you have something rude to say, something to throw at me, a stake with my name on it hidden in that flimsy blouse?" He spoke with a smile that belied his fear.
He wasn't afraid that she would really stake him they had gotten beyond the 'I want to kill you' stage a long time ago. He was afraid of her laughing at his feelings, of her stomping on what was left of his heart. *
"You really want me?" She turned to him and asked seriously.
"Yes, I really do." He answered with a shake of his head.
"Why?" She asked simply.
" I'm not sure. Maybe because you are strong, far stronger then any woman I've ever known." He answered and shrugged his shoulders.
"I'm the Slayer I'm supposed to be strong." She answered.
"I don't mean that you can kick my butt, although that is intriguing. I mean you are strong inside. You sent my bloody sire to hell and you loved him, that took a special strength, I had to admire you for that." He smiled at her and hesitantly brushed her cheek with his thumb.
"For how long?" She asked softly, leaning ever so slightly into his caress.
"You ask a lot of questions, you know that?" He grinned at her.
"I'm a woman." She told him and gifted him with a small smile.
"Yes, you are definititely that."
Her smile broadened, "So, answer the question."
"How long? Since right after that sodding spell that Red put on us. And don't go thinking it's still the spell because it's not. I'd thought about you before that, but would never admit it. But then when we spent all that time necking at Gile's during the spell, I couldn't get you out of my head, believe me I tried." He let out a breathless sigh.
"That long, huh?" Buffy looked at him with a twinkle in her eye.
"Yeah. So, are you going say something or not?" He asked impatiently.
"I have said something." She teased him.
"You know what I mean, do you, I mean could you?" He shook his head and slowly stood up.
He looked almost vulnerable to Buffy, like he did when he was sleeping. And she wanted to pull him to her, hold him close. She stood also, "Spike." she said his name softly.
He looked at her, a strange mix of anticipation and fear on his face. His blue eyes seemed to look into her soul. "Yes."
"I could, I do." She said the words in a whisper as she stood on tiptoe and kissed him lightly on the cheek.
Her breath was warm and light as a feather against the coolness of his skin. He had not felt such happiness in a very long time. "You do?" He asked as if he'd not heard the words correctly.
She shook her head and smiled, "But..."
He frowned, no but's he didn't want to hear any but's.
"Riley, I can't hurt him. I won't hurt him. I do love him, Spike. Maybe not in the way I loved Angel, but I do care for his feelings. And I'm not ready to just give up what I have with him." She said the words softly as if that would ease the sting of them for him.
"But you just admitted you have feelings for me! Damn it, your're here with me, not dancing with him at the Bronze." Spike balled up his fist holding them at his sides, she flinched as he watched his carefully controlled anger and she sighed inwardly at the pain she had caused. *Am I doomed to hurt everyone who cares for me?*
"Spike, I'm sorry. I do have feelings for you, I can't deny them to you. But I've made so many mistakes in my so called "love life" I won't make another with Riley. I can't." She looked at him through tearfilled eyes.
"Maybe the mistake would be staying with him? Did you ever consider that?" He threw the words at her, his voice hard and devoid of emotion.
Before she could answer, someone shouted her name.
"Buffy, Buffy." Rileys voice could be heard in the hallway.
Spike glared at her, a wicked grin on his face, "Ah, it's the kind and decent Finn, wonder how kind he would be if he knew about this conversation."
Buffy looked at him with fear filled eyes. She whispered one small word "Please."
Then collecting herself she called out "In here, Riley."
Riley came through the door, "I decided to come help you babysit." He then noticed Buffy's somewhat dazed expression, he stepped closer, "Are you okay?"
"Just tired." She said in a small voice.
"She's been really working hard at nursing me back to health." Spike said snidely.
"Well, I've come to help. But you look like you feel better." Riley commented as he put a strong arm around Buffy's shoulder. It was meant to be an act of comfort but Spike took it as a show of possesion and it enraged him, it was like pouring salt into the wound in his heart.
"Oh, I am much better, thanks to dear, sweet Buffy.She is such an excellent nurse and I'm sure she has alot of other talents too." He said saccharine sweetly.
Buffy flinched at the words, "Spike, why don't you lay down and rest." She told him walking towards the bed and straightening the covers.
"Sure, whatever you want." He looked at her with such pain in his blue eyes that she had to avert his gaze.
"Riley you really don't have to stay, I can manage." Buffy told him with a deep sigh.
"Well, I hate to leave you." He answered feeling uncomfortable, like he had walked in on something.
"Thats decent of you, Finn. But she doesn't have to stay either. I'm really much better. Go on Buffy, go the Bronze with you boyfriend, have a good time." Spike smirked at her.
Riley smiled then, "Come on then, Buffy. He says he's okay. We still have time to meet the others."
"Okay Riley. You go on to the car,I'll just check his bandage." She said hesitantly, " I'll come check on you later."
"Not necessary. I'm fine."
"Well, just to make sure." She argued.
He looked her in the eye, "I said I'm fine. You don't have to come back" He told her then in a whisper that only her slayer hearing could pick up he added "ever."
She held back a sob and said a soft "Goodbye, Spike. If you need me, you know where I am."
"I won't" He said the bitterness heavy in his words.
She left the room biting on her lip to keep from crying.
Spike rolled over and faced the wall again, this time his smile replaced by a hard frown. *If she'd put a stake through my heart it would have hurt less.*
"Are you really okay, Buffy?" Riley asked for the second time on the drive to the Bronze.
"Yes, I am. I'm just tired. Spike isn't always a cooperative patient." She managed a small smile.
"I'm still not sure why you thought you had to take care of him." He told her as they parked.
"Me either, but I doubt I'll ever do it again." She said with a hint of sadness.
"Let's just go have a good time and not think about vampires tonight." He told her as he took her hand and led her to the table where the others waited.
"Sounds like a good plan." She told him squeezing his hand.
"Hey, Buffy!" Xander spoke first as the sat down. "Riley, said Spike had been beaten up. Do you know who did it? Can we send them flowers and candy?" He teased.
"He's okay now. I know Spike is aggravating. But still... " She trailed off.
"Let's dance." Riley suggested guiding her to the dance floor, a slow song came on and she leaned in to him resting her cheek on his chest, she could hear his steady heartbeat. "This is where I should be." She thought, not realizing she had spoken out loud.
"Yes, it is." Riley smiled and placed a kiss on the top of her head.
"What?" She asked looking up.
"This is where you should be." He answered, she smiled shakily at him, wishing that she could truly believe the words and that she had not spoken them out loud to try to convince herself that they were true. She leaned against him again and let herself just sway to the music, pushing all thoughts of platinum haired vampires to the back of her head.
The rest of the night went well, she and Willow caught up on the dorm gossip and she got a laugh out of Anya and Xander's latest argument. She went back to Riley's new apartment with him and they watched the late movie and snacked on popcorn. She fell asleep in his arms on the couch and he carried her gently to the bed, she never let on that she had awakened as he tenderly tucked her in just enjoying his strong, protective prescence. He climbed under the covers beside her kissing her lightly on the cheek as he put his arm around her and pulled her closer. Never opening her eyes she snuggled closer to him.
She woke early in the morning and propped up on one elbow she watched as Riley slept, like Spike he seemed vulnerable and little boy like when he slept also. She watched the gentle rise and fall of his chest and knew she could never hurt him. Then she lie back on the pillow and let the tears run silently down her face, by not hurting Riley she was hurting Spike. And she still could not force down the burgeoning feelings she had for him. *There is no easy answer* she thought miserably as she got up to shower.
She had an errand to run and she needed to do it before Riley woke. She quickly dressed and went to the mansion, a large lump in her throat.
"Spike." She called softly as she entered the house. Fear rose in her chest as she noticed that the living room had been trashed. Several fist sized holes in the wall next to the fireplace and a couple of empty liquor bottles littered the floor.
"Huh." came a slurred voice from the couch.
She leaned over the back of the couch and found a very hungover and bloody fisted Spike. She shook her head, "What have you done to yourself?" She raised her voice at him.
"I got drunk." He said with a grin.
"And this?" She asked grabbing one of his bloody hands.
"I got drunk, then I got mad." He grinned again, "It's really not any of your business is it?" He asked as he sat up wrenching his hand from her grasp.
"No, I guess it isn't." She told him softly as she left the room.
He watched her go down the hallway, when she reemerged water basin and bandages in tow he spoke. "Why are you back ? I can take care of myself. And we don't want the soldier boy to get suspicious, do we?"
"You did a great job of taking care of yourself, Spike. If you were human some of the cuts would need stitches. " She told him as she washed the cuts.
He pulled his hand back, "I said I could take care of myself." He spit the words at her.
"Don't be a baby, let me bandage your hands." She began to wash and wrap the other hand.
He sulked but let her continue cleaning and bandaging. "Spike, I'm sorry." She told him softly as she taped his hand, "I wish it wasn't so complicated. But it is, and I don't want to hurt Riley, I know what I have with him, it's safe and warm and comfortable. You, I don't know what I have with you. It's just a feeling right now, a flutter, a small spark of something, but I don't even know exactly what it is. And I won't toss away what I have now to take a chance on the unknown. My track record with relationships is lousy, I won't risk this one." She took a needed breath, "I'm sorry. I don't want to hurt you."
"Yeah, you've already said that." * Riley had raised his hand to knock on the door, but had stopped when he faintly heard voices, he couldn't help himself he had listened in. His heart lodged in his throat, Buffy had feelings for Spike? How, why? The fact that she wanted to stay with him did nothing to alleviate the pain in his heart. Even though Buffy had told Spike she was with him, he knew he couldn't trust Spike to leave her alone. He wasn't going to lose Buffy. Spike was a true enemy now, and as a soldier Riley knew how to deal with the enemy. He turned and left quietly without anyone knowing he had been there. He had plans to make. *
"And I mean it, I don't want to hurt you." She said softly.
"Then don't come back, don't speak sweetly to me, don't bandage my wounds. Just leave and don't come back." He shouted at her.
"Spike, we can still be friends." She said half heartedly knowing it was the wrong thing to say as the words left her mouth.
"We can still be friends" He mocked her in feminine voice, then in his own angry voice added, "That's what Dru said too. I don't want to be your friend, Slayer. I want to be more, I want to patrol with you, I want to fight right by your side, and at the end of the night I want to go home with you and make love to you over and over again." His eyes bore into hers as he grabbed both of her shoulders, "I could do it, too. I could make you happy."
Buffy stared at him too stunned to speak. She backed away from him, gathered her things and went to the door. She turned before she left and whispered "I have to think, now."
Spike got up to look for another bottle. Once again he was love's bitch.
* Buffy went back to her dorm room and lie on her bed trying to sort out the whole situation. She finally decided that Spike was right, she should just stay as far away from him as possible. It was best for everyone involved. She had an afternoon class to get ready for so gathered up her books and decided to spend some time in the library before class. She left a note for Riley, so he could find her if he needed to. *
Riley had stood in alley outside of Willy's for a half hour before he found what he was looking for. A hostile exiting, Riley pulled the gun on him. "What?" The creature asked "I thought those soldier boys were done hunting my kind."
"We are, but I understand a certain vampire has been giving you some trouble."
"Spike. That vampire can't decide whose side he is on. What does that have to do with you?" He asked.
"I'm not a big fan of Spike's either. And I have a plan to get rid of him permanently. But I need a little bit of help. What's your name?"
"I'm called Baros and I'm a helpful kind of guy."
"I thought you would be." Riley answered and lowered the gun and filled Baros in on his plan. He then headed to the dorm to see if he could catch Buffy and gauge her mood.
* Riley was happy to see the note lying on Buffy's bed. He was glad she still wanted him to know where she was. He quickly went to the library, he watched her for a moment she chewed on a pencil and studied an open book in front of her.
She smiled at him when he said hello. Inside he decided he was doing the right thing, Spike was a vampire afterall, and he would be out there killing and maiming if not for the chip, and it's not like anyone would miss him if he dissappeared. Or at least maybe they wouldn't miss him for long.
"So, are you patroling tonight?" He asked as he took the chair next to her.
"Uh huh, at Restfield and then just around town. You want to go?"
"Well, that's why I'm here, I've got a ton of TA work to catch up on tonight. Will you be okay without me?" He asked with concern in his voice.
"I'll be fine. Don't worry about me. I guess I'll see you tomorrow if you are going to be busy tonight."
"Yeah, how about a breakfast date?" He asked as he stood.
"Sounds good, I'll see you about 8 in the morning?"
"8 it is." He leaned over and kissed her lightly on the lips, before turning to leave.
Buffy felt a need to hold him, to prove that she belonged with him. She stood and tapped his shoulder, he turned around and stood wrapped her arms around him, standing on tiptoe she kissed him soundly.
"What was that for?"
"I just wanted you to know I'll miss you." She smiled as she sat back down.
"I'll miss you too, Buffy." He left the library with a smile on his lips but much confusion in his mind. If he took care of Spike, it would be just like killing any other vamp wouldn't it? But what if Buffy found out, how would she feel? Spike was afterall helpless against humans, but he was a vampire and a vampire is a vampire, right? Or was it right?
* Later that evening...
Spike swayed slightly as he went to answer the door, who could it be anyway? It better not be her, he couldn't stand her coming back here one more time, not if she wasn't going to stay. He had a doozy of a headache, the last bottle of Jack Daniels was gone and he couldn't find anymore liquor in the house.
He opened the door to find Baros there, he knew him slightly from Willy's. "What do you want?" He growled at him.
Baros stepped back from the angry vampire, "I was told to tell you to go to the Cedar Grove cemetary, the Slayer is in trouble there."
"What?" Spike asked suddenly quite sober, "The Slayer is in trouble?"
"Yes. You might want to hurry." Baros added as he turned and ran from the mansion.
"Who sent you?" Spike yelled after him. But Baros was already out of sight.
"Slayer's in trouble. What do I care?" He said out loud to nobody. He was still mumbling when he started his car and pointed it in the direction of Cedar Grove.
* Riley stood in the large crypt, he had his stun gun and a very large stake. He didn't think this would take very long. And then tomorrow morning, he and Buffy could start over, Spike free.
Spike pulled into the cemetary. He parked and got out of the car scanning the cemetary for signs of Buffy. The only thing he noticed out of place was a small light coming from a large crypt.
He could hear footsteps inside the crypt as he got closer. The light went out as he entered the crypt and he felt the familiar tingle of the stun gun as he went down, his head throbbing.
When he came to a few minutes later, he was lying on a vault, the light was back on and he was staring into the face of one Riley Finn.
He quickly looked around the crypt taking in that it was only he and Riley there. "I take it Buffy isn't going to show?"
"No, she doesn't even know you or I are here. I went to the mansion this morning to check on Buffy and before I could come in, I heard this really interesting conversation."
Spike looked around the crypt, for a way out, he knew he couldn't fight the soldier but he could run if he got the chance, the cowards way yes, but he might live to fight another day that way.
"You eavesdropped? Does Buffy know you listen in on her conversations?" Spike asked with a sly grin. "And if you were really listening, you'd know she had chosen you, not me."
"I did hear that part, but she also said she had feelings for you, even if she's not acting on them, I won't lose her. So I decided it wouldn't be so terrible to rid the world of one more vampire." He took a step towards Spike, the stake in his hand.
* After a quiet scan of Restfield Cemetary, Buffy decided to patrol around town. As she passed Willy's she couldn't resist going in. She had to admit she liked the fact that she could make the bar owner so nervous.
She sat down and Willy was beside her in a moment, "What can I do for you?" He asked in least weasly voice.
"A coke would be nice Willy." She smiled as he hurried to get her soda.
She stood and walked to the jukebox looking over the selections. She heard the name Spike spoken from the tall booth next to the jukebox. She craned her head so she could hear even better.
"Yeah, it's going down about now at Cedar Grove. Spike is finally going to get his." The sentence ended with a laugh.
*Spike* Buffy mentally figured how long it would take to get to Cedar Grove, she rushed from the bar.
Willy called behind her "Don't you want your soda?"
She ran as fast as she had ever run to Cedar Grove. She didn't see any thing out of the ordinary, until she like Spike had noticed the light in the crypt. She crept silently to the entrance and was shocked to see Riley over Spike with a stake drawn.
"Riley!" She called out to him as she entered the crypt.
He turned to her surprise on his face.
Spike took that moment to stand rather shakily.
"What is going on here?" Buffy asked her confusion evident.
"Ask Riley." Was all that Spike said as he eased his way to the door of the crypt.
Buffy turned to him, "Don't leave." She said the words harshly, and Spike stopped where he stood.
"Riley?" She looked at him her for an explanation.
"I overheard you at the mansion this morning. You said you have feelings for Spike. I thought that this was the best way for everyone." He nodded down at the stake still in his hand.
"Riley" She said softly, "I'm sorry you heard that. But I'm with you." She reached for his hand.
"I know you are, but with him around there was always going to be a chance you might leave." Riley answered her.
"I wasn't going to leave, Riley. I'm not sure of how I feel about Spike but I wouldn't have just left you." She said softly. "But killing Spike wouldn't have taken away my feelings for him, Riley. It would have been wrong."
She looked at Spike then and smiled at him. "Are you okay?"
He shook his head yes. "I'm going now, okay?"
She shook her head and he left.
* Buffy went back to Riley's place with him. She made coffee and they talked.
"I'm sorry you felt like you had no choice but to stake, Spike." She finally said to him her hands clasping her cup tightly.
"It's really not your fault, I knew it wasn't right when I decided to do it. But honestly part of me wishes that you hadn't stopped me, because when you did it just made the point that you do care for him."
"But, Riley... "
"I know you don't know what it is you feel, but you do feel for him. " He looked her in the eyes, "And I would be lying if I said that didn't bother me. So I've made a decision. I'm taking the transfer they offered me. I should be leaving next week."
He reached his hand across the table and rested it on her cheek, "I do love you, Buffy Summers, but this is the best thing."
Tears rolled down her face as his words sunk in, "So you are leaving me for my own good, too. That's how it works for Buffy isn't, I fall in love, the man promises to be there and then he leaves. The story of my life." She said angrily as she slammed her cup down pushing Riley's hand from her cheek.
She stood, "Did anyone ever consider that I can decide what is best for me? Goodbye, Riley."
She stomped out of the apartment leaving a stunned Riley Finn alone.
* Riley tried to call several times over the next few days with Buffy refusing to speak to him. Finally on the night before he was to leave she took the phone from Willow. "Hello" she spoke into the phone. Willow took this as her cue to leave the room.
"Buffy?" Riley asked to make sure it was really her.
"Yes." She answered softly.
"I know you are upset, but I wanted to speak to you before I left. If you ever need me, Buffy, for anything."
"I've heard that before, too, Riley." She said harshly then she softened her voice, "I'm sorry, I know this is hard for you, too. Let me know how you are okay?"
"I will, and you take care of yourself. Maybe our timing is just off, maybe later, you never know." He told her and she could see his smile.'
"Maybe." She answered him they spoke a few more minutes and she hung up the phone.
She sat alone in her room and decided that possibly that was how she was meant to be. * Spike had watched the events of the last week from the shadows. He'd wanted to go to her, but decided perhaps it was best to wait and see if she would come to him. Of course that didn't keep him from following her on patrol, making sure she didn't run into anything she couldn't handle alone.
Three long months later
Buffy staked the last vamp and dusted her jacket off. She smiled at the rustle behind the trees. "You can come out, Spike. I know you're there."
He stepped out cautiously wearing a cocky grin. "Hello, Buffy. I was just in the neighborhood."
"Umm... you've been in every neighborhood that I have for about 3 months now." She sat down on a bench and patted the space beside her.
He joined her on the bench, "Quite a coincidence, eh?"
She let out a soft giggle, "Coincidence? How have you been?"
"Fine, and you?"
"You should know you've been watching me for a while now." She teased him.
"I'd say you were getting close to being ready." He said cryptically.
She turned to him and frowned, "Cryptic doesn't look as good on you as it does on Angel. What am I close to being ready for?"
He rolled his eyes at the mention of Angel, then flashed his brilliant smile at her, "Ready for Saturday night."
She shook her head at him, "What happens Saturday night?"
"I take you to dinner and we talk." He told her and then he stood,
"I don't know, Spike." She said worriedly.
"What's to know, we go have a nice dinner and we see what happens." He sat back down beside her and took her hand in his, she didn't resist. "Sla..Buffy, I can't promise you, warm, comfortable and safe like Riley. But I can promise you that I'll probably annoy you at every chance I get, and I'll make fun of the Scooby Gang and... "
"Gee, Spike you really know how to woo a girl." She interrupted him.
"I'm not finished." He rubbed his thumb in small circles over the back of her hand. "I can also promise you that *I* won't leave you, I will fight side by side with you, and I can also promise you that I will love you with my and until your dying breath, whichever comes first." He finished solemnly.
She had tears threatening to break free by the time he finished the speech and she could tell beyond a shadow of a doubt that his words were sincere.
"You mean all of that don't you?" She asked softly.
"Yeah, I do. So what do you say?" He asked anxiously.
"I say I'll see you Saturday." She answered, her eyes twinkling as she let go of his hand and left the cemetary turning to wave at him one more time. He sat alone on the bench, smiling ear to ear.
Six months later
For six months, Spike had spent his Saturday nights with Buffy. They went out to eat, they went to movies, they danced and sometimes they just sat at his place and watched tv and ate popcorn.
They kissed alot. And he just held her alot. But it had never gone any further, he didn't want to rush her. But taking their relationship a step further was always on his mind.
He put on his duster and left to pick her up, there was a small fair in town and they were going to go enjoy the food and the rides.
Buffy was in blue jeans and plain white tee, her leather jacket over it. He'd seen her dressed up before, but he thought maybe he preferred her simply dressed like this. They arrived at the fair and bought their tickets.
The rides were great, each one faster and scarier then the last one they rode. Spike won a large stuffed pig for her, he laughed and told her it could protect Mr. Gordo. She laughed and then went to buy a bright red candy apple. The fair began to close down and they went back to Spike's house. They watched a bit of tv, before he told her maybe he should drive her back to the dorm.
"No, it's not neccesary." She told him getting more comfortable on the couch.
"But, I don't want you to walk." He told her as he knelt beside the couch playing with a strand of her hair.
"I wasn't planning on walking, um... I thought I might stay here tonight." She said softly and she blushed a little bit, "I mean if it's okay."
He smiled brightly. "Of course it's okay, I'll make up the couch for you." He teased.
She started to hit him with the sofa pillow, but he blocked the blow and leaned in to catch her lips with his. She met the kiss and hungrily deepened it. Her hands pulling him on to the couch with her.
He raised up on his arms above her and broke the kiss, "Are you sure about this?" He asked her seriously.
"Yes, I'm sure." She smiled at him and he melted.
She'd already shed her jacket so he carefully helped her out of her tee. He placed a soft kiss on her collarbone and then another on the cleavage between her breasts, then he undid the front fastener and freed her breasts. He marveled at them for a moment before he hesitantly touched the left one, rubbing the rosy nipple between his thumb and forefinger. It immediately hardened under his touch and Buffy squirmed slightly. He grinned down at her smiling face as he released the tight bud and lowered his mouth to capture it once more. Buffy let out a small moan and squirmed under him again. She ran her fingers through his short hair as his tongue played with the nipple gently nipping and alternately swirling around it while his hand massaged the other breast.
He lowered the length of his body on to her's gently, she could feel his hardness through his jeans and she instinctively pushed her body upwards to meet his, grinding slightly. He stopped what he was doing for a moment and smiled down at her.
He stood then and she frowned at the loss of contact between them but smiled at his as he lowered the zipper on his jeans freeing his own erection which bobbed slightly as he walked the short distance back to the couch, she let out a small giggle at the sight of it.
He frowned slightly at the giggle not sure what was so funny, but when she smiled and stood up next to him and began to shimmy out of her own tight jeans he was reassured that everything was okay. She reached for him wrapping her arms around him pulling him to her. It was like lightning her warm flesh against his cool, she could feel his erection pressing into her tummy.
They stood like that for several moments, not speaking just holding each other close, she ran gentle kisses over his smooth chest. As he kissed the top of her head, her shoulders, wherever he could reach. She smiled as she swirled her tongue around his nipple watching it stiffen. She sighed and pulled away from him, taking his hand in hers she led him to the bedroom. He followed without any hesitation. He'd wanted her to come to him and she had, wholly without any reservation and that was worth every moment he had waited.
The gentle tug of her hand shook him from his thoughts. "What are you so deep in thought about at a time like this?" She teased him as she pulled the comforter back on the bed.
He picked her up then and peppered her face with kisses. The he gently lie her on the bed and climbed in beside her. "I." kiss "Was." kiss "Thinking." kiss "About" kiss "How" kiss "Happy" kiss " I am at this moment." Kiss, kiss, kiss.
"Me too." She sighed as he plundered her mouth again, his hands wandering lower and lower down her body, until he found the moist treasure he was seeking. She moaned and twisted beneath him as his expert hands worked her into a frenzy, with a final tug, she shook and called out his name.
She rolled over and closed her eyes a look of complete contentment on her face. When she opened them again a few minutes later, She smiled at him as she eyed his seeping erection. She crawled on top of him gently lowering herself on him, feeling his throbbing hardness fill her. She began moving slowly, up and down using her muscles to clench around him. His face was contorted somewhere between a sweet agony and ectasy. She grinned at the power she possessed over him. She began to move faster and faster, then she began grinding harder and harder into him on her descent, taking him as deep into her as she could.
Spike was now panting with unneeded breath. His hands held on to her magical hips helping to guide and steady her thrusts. He felt the tension building and knew he wouldn't be able to hang on much longer. He moved one hand to where they were joined and began to massage her between thrusts. In a moment they were both overcome by the friction and the sheer passion between them, calling out the others names they both moaned as writhed as the other came to fullfillment.
Buffy sagged on to Spikes chest, still joined with him. He pushed the hair from her sweaty face and kissed her forehead. She smiled and closed her eyes, "love you." She whispered before sleep overtook her.
He tucked her head under his chin and rubbed her back comfortingly as he closed his eyes and said "I love you, too," into her blond hair.
The End