Xander just stared at me a look of shock, but maybe some understanding also mixed in. He didn't say anything and then Buffy came back for another load. I told her she could help me pack the box I was loading and she stood on tiptoe and kissed me. And Xander just stood there that look on his face. I know that if Buffy had not come back in he would have tried to reaasure me that yes, she does love me. He's already told me how lucky I am, and I am lucky, lottery lucky just like I told Xander. I know he would have pointed out how many times she's risked herself for me, when the Iniative had me in it's hold. I know he would have pointed out the obvious affection we have for each other, the constant touching that goes on between us.

As she helps me pack the box, I can't deny it. Buffy cares for me I can tell she is sincere in her emotions. But she also cares for and loves Willow and Xander and Giles even. But she's not in love with any of them, just like she's not in love with me. I don't even think she realizes she doesn't love me. I think she feels safe and secure and happy with me and she's convinced herself that it is love. But I've seen love and it's not what's between us. I've not admitted it before, but I saw love in Buffy's dorm room. I saw what love is between she and the vampire, when she spoke Angel listened when he tried to speak up all she did was look at him and he held his tongue. When I made my little power play that I wouldn't leave her dorm room, again all she did was look at Angel and he followed her without a word, just that smirk at me that I wanted to wipe off his face. But there was an electricity between the two, they didn't have too speak it was all there in their thoughts and actions.

After he left that room, I was sure that she was going with him. But she didn't, she came back to me. And I think when I told her I loved her it made her happy, she wanted to hear that. She wants to be loved, she deserves to be loved.

"Riley."

I turn to face her she looks worried.

"Are you okay?" She asks me and I know she really does care.

"I'm fine, this is the last load. After we get done here we'll go back to my place and order in pizza." I lean down and kiss her on the nose.

Later when it's just the two of us, we finish off the pizza and just sit together on the couch. She's beautiful, she really is. And she doesn't realize it, which even makes her more appealing to me. And even though I know she doesn't need protecting, I want to protect her. I want to keep her from all the things she is supposed to fight.

She kisses me gently, hands roaming under my shirt, her fingertips tickling my skin. I return the kiss and she deepens it, then she pulls away and stands taking my hand. She leads me to the bedroom and I let her. I love this part, I love when she takes the lead. She pushes me down on the bed and smothers me with warm kisses, soon clothes are scattered everywhere and we are immersed in making love. And even under the circumstances it *is* making love. And when we are done and we are lying together sleepy and satisisfied, I hold her close and whisper "I love you."

She smiles as she looks up at me, "I love you, Riley." And I know she believes that she loves me, so I let myself believe it for now. Someday, someday we are both going to have to face the truth. But for now, I just hold and love her and thank my lucky stars for the time I get to have with her.

The End

<< back