destructo-girl.com

Author: A. Price
Email: andramichelle@yahoo.com

She is late. She's very late. Where the hell is she? I asked her not to patrol tonight, I had a bad feeling. But no, she didn't listen, she left while I was still sleeping, she's usually back by now. Where is she? Spike stomped around the kitchen a few more times before grabbing his duster. He supposed he would have to go find her, he was cursing as he pulled on the worn duster. When did he become the Slayer's keeper, and why did he care? He knew the answers to both questions and he wasn't happy about either.

Spike thought about everything that had happened recently to the Slayer as he searched the streets of Sunnydale for her.

Eight weeks ago, Giles had been called back to England his father was very ill, he wasn't sure when he would be back. He'd left Spike to help Buffy. It might have seemed like an unlikely choice to some, but Giles knew that Spike would help her without hesitation. He knew the vampire better then Spike would like to admit.

Six weeks ago, Joyce Summers had been killed in her gallery. She'd walked in on a robbery. Buffy had been beside herself wtih grief and guilt. She who had saved hundreds was unable to save her own mother. The silences had started then. Spike had noticed a few days after the funeral she would just quit talking for days. Her father was out of town and missed the funeral he'd called but Buffy had yet to return his calls.

Xander had come in for the funeral. He and Anya had married and were expecting a baby in few months. He'd taken a job in Arizona. Willow couldn't make it, she had decided to take her senior year on a fellowship at Oxford. Buffy had been doing well with the Slaying duties the past several months had showed decreased activity, that was part of the reason that Xander and Willow had felt it okay to leave.

Spike although he would never admit liked helping out. He got to argue with Giles and Buffy and take out a few demons. He'd adapted to life with a chip in his head. He also grudgingly admired the Slayer. But this latest round of trauma seemed to have taken it's toll.

Spike watched as Buffy became more silent every day, taking stupid chances and looking for a fight.

When Joyce died, Spike had called Angel. Cordelia had answered the phone, Angel was out of town and she wasn't sure when he would be back. Flowers arrived at the funeral from Wesley and Cordelia and a separate spray from Angel.

Spike was sure Angel would call, he could tell that Buffy needed to hear from him. But after three weeks, no call came. Spike called again, speaking to Cordelia again she said Angel was still gone. Spike did a bit of cursing and told her to have Angel call, she said she'd pass on the message. He'd moved in the house with Buffy then, she didn't argue.

The nightmares started two weeks ago, that was when he moved into her bed. She didn't argue then either, he was strictly there to comfort her when she woke up screaming, tissue and a shoulder to cry on and soothing words in her ear until she fell back to sleep.

Spike walked to the gates of Restfield Cemetary, vampire activity had recently increased. It was as if they knew that the Slayer's support system was gone. He heard a low moan coming from behind a large crypt. He rounded the corner slowly and carefully. He looked around trying to determine where the moans came from, as his eyes scanned the area he noticed a familiar jacket on the ground, Buffy's jacket. He took an unneeded breath and began to look around for her, the moan came again, he followed it and found an unconcious Buffy lying against a stone. It looked like she had taken out whoever or whatever she had fought against but she had taken a beating and seemed to have collapsed against the stone.

He knelt beside her and felt for a pulse, it was strong and he was surprised at the relief he felt. Her face was bruised and she had a cut lip, he carefully examined the her head and found a small lump. Stupid, stupid girl, I told her not to go out alone. He angrily picked her up, she stirred and opened her eyes to look at him.

Buffy rested against his chest, she'd need the rest for the lecture he was sure to give her when they got back home.

Spike took care with cleaning the cut on her lip and gave her an ice bag for her head. This had to end, someone had to shake some sense into her and he was afraid that the only person who could do that was in LA. The poof had not even bothered to return his calls. Cordelia said he was out of town but that had been weeks ago. I don't care, I'm taking her tonight whether Angel is there or not it will do her good to get out of Sunnydale.

"I'm going to pack some of your things. We are going on a trip." He told her as he went upstairs.

"LA. And don't even think about arguing with me." He called down to her as he threw her clothes and toiletries in a bag.

"I don't want to go to LA, Spike. He's there and he didn't even call. My mom died and he didn't call. He knows I'm alone and he didn't care enough to call." She said in a soft, broken voice. Tears threatened to spill from her eyes and the fact that Angel could do this to her made Spike even angrier.

"Well then we'll get to the bottom of this, Slayer. But you have got to pull yourself together. Your getting sloppy and that will get you killed."

"Now that hurts, Slayer. Who else would put up with your screaming every night and who else would patch you up when you are stupid enough to go out alone when you know how bad it is out there lately." Spike shouted at her.

Then the tears came, big fat drops ran down her pretty, bruised face. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't take it out on you, Spike."

"It's okay, baby. It's okay." And he pulled her close to him and patted her back as she soaked the front of his shirt with her tears.

He gave her a few moments to calm down and then took her hand. He led her to the car and they were soon on their way to LA.

Spike parked the car and went to open the door for Buffy.She looked like a frightened child. "I don't want to do this, Spike." She told him as she got out of the car.

"It's gonna be fine, maybe we can at least get a number where we can reach Peaches form Cordelia." Spike told her as the entered the door marked Angel Investigations. It was late and apparently Cordelia was gone for the day. Spike noticed the intercom on the desk and pressed the button marked Angel.

"We, who is we, Spike?" Angel asked as he entered the room from the stairwell. Shock went through him when he saw Buffy, first because she was there, and then more shock at how worn and tired she looked.

"It's me and the Slayer. Do you not return phone messages, Angel?" Spike asked bitterly.

"What are you talking about?" Angel asked confusion in his eyes as he kept watching Buffy.

"My mom, Angel. She was killed several weeks ago. Spike called and Cordelia said you were out of town, but that she would give you the message You sent flowers.." Buffy told him in a soft voice.

"Joyce is dead?" Angel asked as if he wanted to make sure he had heard her correctly.

"You sent flowers, I saw the note." Spike rolled his eyes at his sire the continued, "Now why the hell didn't you call when I called the second time? Her mum is dead, her watcher gone back to England and you couldn't spare a phone call?" Spike's voice rose and he quickly lowered it when he noticed the look on Buffy's face.

Spike walked over to her and took her hand he gave it a squeeze. Angel noticed the action and wondered what the hell was going on.

"Spike, Buffy, I'm sorry. Cordelia never gave me the message, I had no idea." He leaned up against the wall, closing his eyes trying to fathom why Cordelia had done such a thing.

"She didn't give you the message. Where is she?" The harshness in his voice made Buffy and Angel both cringe.

"Calm down,Spike. I'm sure she had her reasons." Angel said uncomfortably, trying to figure out what those reasons could be. He needed to have a long talk with Cordelia, but that could wait. Buffy was more important.

"Let's go downstairs to my apartment." Angel told him and started back down the stairs.

"She didn't tell you?" Buffy asked Angel as they sat down together on the couch.

"Yes. I will ask her, but she probably thought it was for my own good. I don't think she meant to hurt you." He reached out his hand to cover hers.

"She had her reasons." Buffy laughed bitterly. "So, you'll just overlook this. I understand how it really is now, Angel. You can overlook things that Faith has done and things that Cordelia has done. But that patience runs out when it comes to me doesn't it?"

Before Angel could answer, she stood up. "I'm not going into this with you tonight. I'm tired and I'm going to bed." She turned to Spike,"I told you this was a mistake."

Both men watched as she retreated to the bedroom and closed the door behind her.

"Oh, that was just brilliant. Do you think you could have hurt her a little bit more? I must say Angelus would be proud. You sat there and defended the twit who lied to you, and I don't care what you say, Cordelia had to have known it would hurt Buffy to not hear from you, to think that you didn't care. Maybe she's right this was a mistake." Spike spoke in a calm, cold voice.

"I didn't mean to hurt her, Spike. Things are so difficult between us now. And I really don't think Cordelia thought about what she was doing. I'm going to bed we'll get this all straightened out in the morning. You can have the couch." Angel stood and walked towards his bedroom.

"Then take the floor, I don't care." Angel reached for his doorknob but turned when he heard Spike's reply.

"If you need me, I'll be in the room with the Slayer." Spike walked to the closed bedroom door.

"Like hell, you'll stay with Buffy." Angel started towards Spike this eyes flashing.

"If I don't go stay with her, the screams from her nightmares will wake up the whole neighborhood. We'll talk in the morning." Spike couldn't help but smirk as he opened the door and went into the room shutting it behind him.

Angel stood openmouthed, staring as Spike went in and closed the door to the bedroom, the bedroom where Buffy slept.

Spike could feel Angel's eyes boring into him as he entered the bedroom. He didn't care, let Angel think what he wanted to think. He crept around the room quietly not wanting to wake Buffy. She didn't get enough sleep as it was. He undressed down to his boxers and carefully slid into the bed next to her. Silently cursing Angel as he settled in the bed. The idiot, she loves him more then anyone and he just has to be the martyr about everything. Hell, if I ever get Cordelia alone, I'll give her something that will make her think twice about ever hurting Buffy again. Chip or no chip. And all he can say is she had her reasons. He defended the bitch. It must be hard to care about everyone elses feelings so much that you overlook the feelings of the one you love. I know he loves her or this wouldn't have flustered him so badly.

Spike turned to his side the bed creaking loudly. He hoped that Buffy didn't wake. Too late. Her soft voice sounded from the other side of the bed. "It's okay Spike, I'm awake."

"You are? Why didn't you say something?" He asked her as he moved closer to her propping on his elbow.

"You had that serious thinking look on your face. I can see well in the dark too, remember?" She gave him a small smile.

"I was thinking, but it's not important. Are you okay? I mean, I meant for this to go smoother then it did." He laughed softly.

"I'm fine. We're all tired and confused. We'll work it out tomorrow. But let's try to get some sleep now." She told him as she assumed her now standard sleeping position - curled up next to Spike one hand resting on his stomach. He placed a hand on hers and closed his eyes.

"Thanks for trying to make it better." And she kissed his cheek and closed her eyes.

She was soon sleeping. He opened his eyes and watched her for a few moments. Maybe he should just leave with her tomorrow, he could take care of her, he knew he could love her. For a moment he considered it, just taking off with the Slayer. But he knew where her heart lie, it was with the great poof in the other room.

Angel looked at the clock it had been two hours since he had watched Spike go into Buffy's room. He had not closed his eyes once in the last two hours. Too much to think about. First, Cordelia, why the hell did she not tell him about Joyce. What did she think she would accomplish? She had taken a two week vacation with her Mother, when she got back he was going to get to the bottom of this. Secondly, Buffy, he had never seen her look so broken. Would she ever be the same? The pain she must be going through,losing her mother and Giles gone. Her whole support group was gone except for and he still couldn't believe it - Spike. Which brought him to the third question. Spike, why was Spike in Buffy's bed what could have possible happened to lead to that? He needed to sleep, because tomorrow he was going to at least get answers to the last two questions.

He closed his eyes and finally drifted into a restless sleep. It didn't last long, he was awakened by screams coming from the guest room. Buffy's screams, what was Spike doing to her? He jumped from the bed and ran to the room.

"Buffy. Buffy, wake up!" Spike was gently shaking her. She was still screaming when her eyes snapped open. Tears flooded them as he pulled her to his chest and stroked her hair, making low comforting noises, "Hush, baby. Hush, it's okay."

Angel entered the room to see Buffy clinging to Spike, hiccupping and trying to stop crying. He quickly noted that Spike wasn't hurting Buffy only offering comfort.

Spike nodded as Buffy pulled away from him. "I'm okay now. I'm sorry I woke everyone." She told him her voice unsteady.

Angel walked to the edge of the bed, he ran a hand over her hair and rested it on her shoulder. "How long have you been having the dreams, Buffy?"

"She won't tell, she doesn't remember I guess." Spike interrupted. He was irritated with Angel for butting in. It was irrational anger, afterall he had brought Buffy here because he had been sure Angel could help. But now when he saw the soft spoken vampire treating her so gently it angered him and made him... he couldn't believe it, but it also made him jealous. Taking care of her had been his job for a while now. And Angel just steps in, he who wasn't even around when she needed him the most.

Buffy took a very deep breath and spoke, "No, Spike, I do remember. The dreams are about losing everyone I love. Someone I love dies in every dream and I can't do anything to help."

Spike tried to hide the hurt he felt that it took Angel asking for her to answer the question, he'd been asking for weeks now.. "Oh, well. That's good to know."

"Buffy, I think maybe these dreams are because you feel alone now. Everyone has moved and left you in Sunnydale, and then your mom is killed and you couldn't do anything to stop that. It's not your fault, Buffy. You need to let it go." Angel sat down beside her and put an arm around her, "Buffy, you can't be all things to all people it doesn't work that way. Try to get some sleep." He kissed the top of her head and stood. "I'll see you in the morning," he added as he left the room.

Spike stared at Angel's back then he looked back at Buffy. Maybe she didn't want him with her now, a few words of wisdom from his dear sire and "poof" like magic she was fixed. Quit complaining, it's what you want, you want her to be with the man she loves. Even if it means you are going to lose the woman you love more then you have loved anything in your entire miserable existence.

He turned to follow Angel, but stopped when he heard her ask, "Spike, aren't you coming back to bed? I won't be able to sleep if you don't" She asked while she stifled a yawn.

He smiled at her, "Yeah, I'm coming." He crawled in beside her and soon felt the familiar warmth of her hand on his stomach. He was going to miss that warmth, he didn't realize how much this was going to hurt. Giving her up to Angel, it was as if he'd been staked, far worse then when Dru left him. But the two of them belonged together. They were the two halves that made each other whole, and just like he had told them years ago. They could never just be friends. Buffy was sleeping now, she never felt the cool teardrops that ran down the chiseled cheekbones of the man who lie beside her.

Buffy woke late in the afternoon. The events of last night had taken their toll on her. She awoke to find herself alone in the bed. Walking into the living room she found Spike looking sitting on the couch he was in fresh clothes and he looked as if he had showered.

"It's almost dark. You slept all day." He said never looking at her as he fidgeted with the sofa pillow. "When it gets dark, I'm going out."

" I just need some time alone. I'm sure you and Angel will find something to talk about." He found the remote and turned on the tv.

He could hear the anxiety in her voice. "Yes, I'll be here. I promise." He told the lie easily, if he was going to leave it would be easier if she hated him when he left.

Angel walked into the room. "Hey." He said softly to Buffy. "The shower is free if you need it. Then maybe we can talk?"

"She's fine, no thanks to you. As soon as it gets dark I'm going out. I'm tired of coddling the Slayer you can take over." Spike spoke the words bitterly.

"Oh, you've been coddling her? I thought there might be more to it then that, Spike. But no, I don't mind Buffy duty at all. We need to straighten some things out between us."

"Yeah, you two do that. All that immortal love crap." Spike lit a cigarrette and walked around the room wishing darkness would come quickly.

* Buffy joined the two vampires looking freshfaced in jeans and a tee shirt her hair pulled back in a ponytail.

"All the people I love. Giles, my Mom, my Dad, Willow, Xander, You and Spike." She listed the names with a sigh.

"Uhh... yeah. That's partly why I couldn't tell him about the dreams you know he would never let me live it down." Buffy whispered.

"I guess because we spend a lot of time together, I don't know. I just know that when I sleep I see your death and everyone elses and I'm completely helpless." Her eyes were brimming with tears now.

He pulled her close to him and patted her back comfortingly. Spike peeked around the kitchen door. Don't they look cozy? He could hear soft whispers between them and it nearly drove him crazy.

"Yeah, we can. Tell me all about the former Scooby Gang, what are they all up to?" He asked with a smile.

Spike got angrier and angrier as he listened to the soft laughter from the other room, then mercifully the sun went down. He grabbed his duster, "I'm leaving now." He told them as he slammed the door behind him. I doubt they notice I'm gone.

Angel cooked supper for Buffy then they watched tv and had popcorn. At four am when the late late show went off. Buffy began to yawn and she began to worry.

"Spike told me he would be back before I went to sleep." She said barely surpressing the anxiety she was feeling. "Do you think he's okay?"

Panic crossed Buffy's face, "I'm not sure that's a good idea. I mean tonight has been great. But you and I both know, we can't do too much of this or one thing would eventually lead to another."

"I know, I understand. And anyway it has to be him, doesn't it? Spike is the one who helps you with the nightmares."

"Do you love him?" Angel asked softly, no hint of anger in his voice, just a soothing understanding.

"Dont' be. Buffy we can't be together. We've accepted that better then most everyone else has. I want you happy."

Spike waited until he was sure Buffy was ready for bed, sure that Angel had helped comfort her tonight, he opened the bottle of Jack Daniels and drank a little bit, then he poured part of it on his shirt and put the bottle in a trash can on the corner... Now came the grand finale of his wonderful plan to make Buffy happy again.

Spike walked into the house with a slight stagger. "You two look comfy." He slurred his speech.

"Where were you? You told me you would be home before I went to bed." Buffy asked him stepping closer. "You've been drinking."

"You did tell her you would be here Spike and she does count on you." Angel reprimanded him.

"Well, I'm tired of being the Slayer's teddy bear with fangs." He watched as Buffy's face fell, then he added "I thought maybe tonight we could do more then just sleep." He grabbed her breast and pinched it.

Buffy gasped with shock and stepped away from him. Spike never saw Angel's fist as it connected with his jaw. He landed on the floor with a thud.

"Buffy, please wait in the bedroom. Spike and I need to have a talk." Angel asked her pleading with his eyes to not argue.

She looked from Angel to Spike who was now standing up. She turned and went into the bedroom.

Angel watched Buffy as she shut the bedroom door, he then turned his attention to Spike. Angel decided he had two ways to handle this, send Spike walking, thus leaving Buffy upset or he could swallow his pride and help his stubborn childe realize what he was throwing away. He swallowed needlessly and made his decision.

"Why? You mad, cause I touched the Slayer? I think she owes me, and she must be good in the sack." He grinned at Angel never moving to sit down, he smirked and then added "I mean you lost your soul."

Angel's fist once again connected with Spikes face, blood spurting from his nose. Angel rubbed his knuckles, and spoke again, "Sit down, Spike and dont' defy me again." He told him menacingly.

Angel leisurely sat down across from him in a chair, he leaned forward and sniffed the air around Spike. He sat back with his hands locked behind his head and grinned an Angelus grin.

"What?" Spike repeated nervously, he did not like the look on Angel's face at all.

"That smell, it's still exciting after all of these years." Angel told him still grinning.

"What smell? Your blood mixed with your fear, it's intoxicating Spike." Angel answered him leaning forward to look him straight in the eye.

"I know, I don't flatter myself by thinking your fear is of me. I know it's not." Angel smirked.

"Okay, oh mighty one, then who am I afraid of?" Spike leaned forward to meet Angel's smirk with one of his own.

Angel then laughed, "Well, Spike your're afraid of yourself and of the little blond in the other room."

"I'm not afraid of Buffy, she's never been able to kill me and as for being afraid of myself. What the hell does that mean?"

"Your right, you don't have to fear Buffy staking you, she's already done the damage to your heart. Face it, Spike." Angel jabbed his finger hard in Spike's chest and continured, "You love her and that scares the hell out of you. It scares you so much that you created this elaborate setup to bring Buffy to me."

Spike defiantly stood up, "Cordelia is the reason we're here. She didn't tell you about Joyce's death and well... " He lowered his head and whispered "I don't love her."

"Yeah, Cordelia screwed up big time. But I think you were so scared of your feelings for Buffy that this was a convienient excuse to come to LA. And the sooner you admit that you love her, the better it will for you and for her." Angel told him all harshness gone from his voice now.

Spike paced silently in front of Angel for a full five minutes. "If I did love her, it wouldn't matter, she still loves you."

"You didn't let me finish, I was going to say, but we can't be together and we know that. So, we have a different kind of love now. I want to know Spike, do you love her?"

Spike paced somemore, then in a voice barely above a whisper, "Yes, so help me, I love her."

He looked at Angel with a bittersweet look on his face. Angel actually felt a moment of sympathy for him.

"But, she doesn't feel the same, she told you about those damn nightmares not me. And I've been the one who was with her since they began." Spike sighed unneccesarily and sat down again.

"Spike she didn't tell you for a reason. Your're in the dreams." Angel raised his eyebrows at Spike.

Spike continued, "loves. She loves me? She told you?" His voice was so full of hope that Angel had to smile.

"Yes. Now what are you going to do about it?" He asked Spike not sure he wanted to know the answer.

Buffy leaned up against the bedroom door, listening to the conversation in the other room. She smiled when Spike admitted he loved her, she wanted to run out into the living room and wrap her arms around him. But she decided she needed to hear the answer to Angel's question.

Angel repeated the question, "What are you going to do about loving Buffy, Spike?"

Spike looked thoughtfully at Angel, then finally answered, "Nothing, I'm doing nothing about it. I don't deserve her, you know that."

Angel put a hand on Spike's shoulder, "No, you don't. But love has nothing to do with who deserves who. It's about wanting to become the person she deserves because you love her that much. Do you love her that much?"

"Yes, I love her that much. But you know I'll screw up, I'll do something to make her leave me, I always do. It's not worth it."

Angel started to speak but was interrupted by a blond whirlwind flying out of the bedroom door and into the living room. Buffy's pushed Angel away from Spike and stood to face him, angry hazel eyes flashing into Spike's blue ones. She took a single deep breath and then she spoke in a calm voice. "Listen, if you don't think I'm worth it, then I can take the hint. Obviously I'm way to high maintenance for anyone to stick it out with me. First Angel," she looked at Angel and he cringed. She continued, "and then Riley, and now you. Fine, I accept it, three strikes and I am out... of here." Spike watched her speechless, as she picked up her purse from the table and stomped out.

Spike and Angel called "Buffy, come back." in unison. She never turned back and they had no choice but to watch her walk our into the early morning sunshine.

"Well, you handled that well." Angel turned to Spike and shook his head. "Damn it, Spike you have this wonderful gift handed to you and you are too stubborn to accept it."

"Where do you think she's going?" Spike asked as if he had not heard a word his Sire had spoken. He watched the door she had left through with worried eyes. Hell, in her present state she could get hurt and it would be his fault.

Spike was left alone with his thoughts in the living room. But I do care and I think I'm more scared without her then I am with her, he covered his face with his hands and let out a breathless sigh.

Buffy stomped down the sidewalk to the payphone, she called a taxi and she was soon at her Dad's doorstep. He was out of town according to the landlord but he knew Buffy and let her in.

She went to lie on the couch where exhaustion finally claimed her and she fell into a restless sleep. She dreamed again, this time a very graphic dream of Spike being burned in front her and she was unable to help him as the smoke filled his room to mix with his anguished cries. Buffy woke up screaming, tears rolling down her face. There was no one to comfort her as she drew her feet up under her and clung to the sofa pillow. She didn't need him anyway, he'd probably just be more trouble then he was worth, he was just another damn vampire. If she hadn't been through so much lately she would have never convinced herself that she loved him. Just keep telling yourself that, Buffy and maybe someday you'll believe it, she thought as she lie back down and tried to calm herself.

Several hours of silence passed between the two vampires they avoided each other except the occasional glare at the other. Finally Spike broke the silence, "I'm going to look for her as soon as the sun goes down."

"Are you going to help me or just sit there being all poofy?" Spike asked him angrily.

"Why should I help? I mistakenly thought earlier that you might be able to make her happy." Angel said with a deep sigh.

"Please Angel, do you think you know where she might have gone?" Spike pleaded softly. Spike winced at how pathetic he sounded, but at the moment he didn't care, he wanted to find her and tell her that she was worth it, if she'd have him now.

Angel softened at the sound of Spike's voice, "I think she probably went to her Dad's house." Angel went to the desk and scribbled on a piece of paper that he handed to Spike, "This is the address. I suggest you go in person as soon as the sun sets."

Spike took the address and stuck it in his pocket. "Thank you." He replied his head bent.

"Your welcome. But let me warn you if you so much as cause her one tiny bit of pain or make her shed one tear, I will stake you myself. Do you understand me?" His tone very serious, Angel looked at him dark eyes flashing, no hint of a smile on his face.

"Yes, I understand you." Spike said sullenly they both returned to the earlier silence as Spike waited for the sun to set.

Buffy decided she was hungry shortly before sunset. She went to rummage through her dad's cabinets and refrigerator. She finally decided on a salad as she took the lettuce, tomatoes, cucumbers and green onions out of the fridge. She tore the lettuce into a bowl and found a knife to slice the tomatoes. Her mind turned to thoughts of Spike and she didn't pay attention as the knife slice her thumb. Blood flowed all over the kitchen counter top as she looked for a towel to wrap it in, it looked like it might need stitches - great just what she needed. She trailed more blood on the floor as she went into the bathroom.

Angel watched the blond vampire leave and muttered under his breath, "Good luck, Spike."

Spike found the addresss easily he peeked in the front window and saw Buffy's purse on the end table, but she was nowhere in sight. He moved to the back of the house to see if she was in the kitchen and possibly he could gauge her mood. He went to peer in the window when he noticed the blood on the counter top and the floor, he inhaled deeply the scent of fresh blood came to him, a scent he recognized, Buffy's blood. He went to knock down the door and it fell with a loud bang to the kitchen floor, unfortunately he couldn't enter the house having never been invited. He was calling Buffy's name now.

Buffy heard the door fall to the floor, but took the extra minute to wrap her hand before returning to the kitchen, that's when she heard Spike calling her name. She entered the kitchen to find the door on the floor and a worried Spike standing outside.

"I came to find you. And then there was blood and I thought, well, are you going to invite me in?" He asked her, looking so pathetic that she had to give in.

"Come in, Spike." She said the words with a shake of her head. "You are going to fix that door."

She pulled up a bar stool and sat down, Spike took the one next to her. "So why were you looking for me?" She asked as she unwrapped her hand to examine the wound.

"I wanted to apologize." Spike became distracted by the wound, "Let me look at that for you."

She nodded her head and he took her hand in his gently examining the cut. "It's deep but I don't think they could stitch it the way it's cut. Does you Dad have any of those butterfly bandages?"

"In the bathroom cabinet, second shelf." She directed him, she watched him as he walked to the bathroom, he was being sweet for now, but she wasn't going to let her guard down.

Spike soon returned bandages and antibiotic ointment in hand. He applied the ointment and bandage expertly, then pressed a tender kiss on the back of her hand.

Buffy pulled her hand back as if he had burned it, "Spike, why are you really here?" She chewed nervously on her bottom lip.

"I came to tell you that I'm sorry. I was afraid earlier." He told her sounding more vulnerable the Buffy had ever seen him.

"And you're not afraid now, why?" She asked softly, her own vulnerability showing.

"I was more afraid after you left this morning, not knowing where you were or if you would even come back then I could ever be afraid of loving you. You are worth it, Buffy." He pushed her hair back from her face and stared into her eyes, accenting each word he repeated "You. Are. Worth. It."

"You aren't going to change your mind next week, or if things get tough?" She asked him worriedly.

"No, I'm not ever going to change my mind. If you'll have me." He asked hopefully.

Spike pulled her into his arms, "Don't be." He whispered into her hair "We've got each other and that's all we really need."

She grinned back at him, "Yeah, it did. But it's still one of the sweetest things anyone has ever said to me." She stood up and took the few steps to his barstool. She placed her hand on his chest looking into his eyes she kissed him tenderly on the lips. She could smell tobacco and the faint smell of the liquor from last night was still on his shirt, she sighed and pulled away from him. "You have to be sure, I can't get hurt again, I can't go through that."

He wrapped his arms around her and held her tightly. "You don't ever have to go through that again. I will be here until death do us part." He placed his hands on her shoulders then and she pulled back from him. "I'd like to try that kissing thing you just did again. I think I could get used to it." His smile lit up his whole face.

"Ummm... " He murmured as his mouth found hers again, her open lips now welcoming his tongue as he explored her mouth, his hands roaming up and down her shoulders as her hands played with the short hairs on the back of his neck.

Buffy crawled up into his lap, balancing precariously on the bar stool. Spike leaned back against the island counter top for support.. She could feel him through his jeans, hard as steel. She rocked against him and he moaned softly. She felt herself dampening and she deepened the kiss as one small hand reached between them and found Spike's zipper.

He groaned as she pulled the zipper down, never breaking the kiss. She pressed her hand against the fly of his boxers and her fingers soon found the opening, she freed him from the confines of his pants and ran her thumb around the tip of his erection.

He pulled away from the kiss as her warm hand sent fire through him. He looked down at her and smiled wickedly, "We need to move this elsewhere if you're going to play like that."

She nodded her head and grinned as she started to disentangle from him, he stopped her nuzzling her neck, "Don't, I don't want to stop touching you." He whispered hoarsely as he stood with her still on his lap, she wrapped her legs around his waist and they moved from the kitchen.

Her mouth devoured his as he tried to speak. He kissed her hard and then pulled away, "Bedroom?" He asked raising an eyebrow. Her lips met his again as she pointed to a door in the hallway.

Spike opened the door and smiled when he saw the bed, it was obviously Buffy's room when she was here, stuffed animals sat on the comforter. He lie her down gently and unceremoniously swatted the animals off the bed to the floor. She frowned slightly when they hit the floor. "Don't want to share you, luv." He told her as he went to unbutton her blouse. She smiled at him helping with the chore, her bra had a front clasp which he made quick work of. Finally she lie in front of him, perfect breasts beckoning to him. He gently rolled one pink nipple between his thumb and forefinger, she moved underneath his touch, moaning slightly. He bent his head and lowered his mouth to the other breast, gently suckling it. Buffy arched aching for more contact, her hands running through his hair, she leaned forward and kissed the top of his head.

He looked up then as a thought occured to him, "Your Dad he won't be home anytime soon?"

"Out of town." She smiled at him as she unzipped her own pants. The sound immediately got Spike's attention and he grinned at her as he helped her out of her pants and then her panties. He ran one finger from her belly button down to her curls playing with them before he lowered his mouth to them. His tongue was cool and Buffy jumped slightly at the first stroke, but soon fell into a rhythm with him, bucking gently. She gasped "Nice, Spike, but I want you inside me, please." She pleaded out of breath.

He smiled as his tongue traced the way back up her body until he found her mouth. He entered her gently, as if she was his most treasured possession. She was a treasure and he realized that the minute her sweet heat engulfed him. He moved in and out very slowly enjoying the look of pleasure on her face and the small whimpering noises she was making.

She wrapped her legs around his waist and pulled him forward to increase the speed, he gladly increased his thrust, coming faster and harder with each one, he could see that she was close and he knew he wouldn't last much longer, with one hand between them he gave her a twist, she writhed beneath him, her strong walls clenching and unclenching around him in an ecstacy he had never experienced before.

After, he rolled them both over, Buffy lying on the full length of his body. She smiled lazily at him, sated passion in her eyes as she closed them and sighed against him. He ran a hand through her hair and whispered, "Yes, you are definetly worth it."

Angel sat in the living room, he was listening to Barry Manilow's greatest hits, Cordelia had gifted him with cd a couple of years ago with the promise that he only play it when she wasn't around. He hit repeat and listened to "Mandy" again. The words were sad.

"Oh, Buffy. What have I done?" He laughed as he sat down and tried not to think about Spike being with Buffy. He assumed all had gone well or he would have recieved a phone call from Buffy to bring over the dustbuster and pick up what was left of his errant childe. He sat down and finally let himself feel the loss of her again. This time it seemed final, as it should be. He wanted her, but he wanted her happy more.

When the words to "Can't Smile Without You" began to play, Angel aimed the remote at the stereo and turned it off, even he could only take so much Manilow at one sitting. He was just sitting down for a good brooding session when the door bell rang.

He was caught by surprise by a very large Debrig demon, who plowed through the door knocking him flat on the floor. "Where is she?" The demon bellowed, "She can't escape me. She thought leaving the hellmouth would save her, she thought you - the traitor of your kind could save her?"

He stomped around the apartment, searching for Buffy. Angel stood and followed him, "She's not here. I don't know where she is." He shouted as his fist pummeled the demons face, it was useless as the demon threw him against the wall, "My fight is not with you. I've isolated her the last few months, her mother dead, her watcher called away, those were no coincidences." He laughed a short hard laugh, "If she is not here, she must be at her father's house, I know everything about your Slayer." He laughed again as he turned and marched out the door leaving a stunned Angel on the floor.

Angel stood up and regained his bearings as he went to the phone. "Please, don't be there, come on Spike, please have taken her out somewhere nice to do your groveling." He dialed the number quickly pacing around the room.

Spike smiled down at the sleeping Slayer on his chest. She had moved off of him and curled up next to him, her golden hair fanning across his muscled chest. She was absolutely beautiful and she was his, unbelievabley. He watched her breathe for a moment fascinated byl the small breathy noises she made while she slept.

The phone rang startling Spike from his reverie. He answered it on the first ring, careful not to wake Buffy. "Hello." He whispered into the phone.

"You have to get Buffy out of the house. A very large demon with a grudge is after her, and he's determined, from what he said I think he's been planning this out carefully, I think he is responsible for Joyce's death and for somehow having Giles called away. He wants her vulnerable, and he knows where she is. Get her out now! I'm on my way over there." Angel explained quickly.

"Okay, it's done." Spike told him as he slammed the phone down on the reciever. He turned to Buffy and nudged her gently not wanting to startle her.

"I don't have time to explain, Buffy. We have to go now." Spike got out of the bed pulling on his jeans and tee shirt.

"Get dressed, Angel called, I have to get you out of here." He handed her pants to her and his overshirt. "Hurry, please Buffy."

She was frowning as she climbed out of the bed but did as he instructed and dressed quickly. They both found their shoes and went to the living room door just as the Debrig demon made his entrance, knocking down the front door.

"If you'd gone around to the back door it would have saved you this trouble." Buffy quipped as she readied herself in a fighting stance.

"Not now, Buffy. Let's just get out of here." He took her hand and ran through the house.

Although very big, the Debrig demon was also very quick. He followed them and pulled out a thin blade and with unerring accuracy threw it through the air. It hit it's target and the demon laughed heartily as he watched Buffy fall to the ground a stunned look on her face. He stalked towards her .

Spike felt her grip on his hand lessen and he turned to see her fall to the ground a thin blade protruding through her back and into her chest above her right breast. Blood soaked her clothes, and the floor all around her. Spike knelt beside her and heard himself screaming as he pushed her blood soaked hair away from the wound. Her eyes opened and she seemed to be trying to focus on his face, but it was hard and she felt so cold. "Spike," she whispered.

He then heard the laughter behind him, "She's mine, vampire." Was the last thing he heard before the thud on the back of his head sent him to the floor.

Angel found him there sitting in the floor, staring at his hands coated in Buffy's blood. "Spike, what happened? Where is she?" The calmness of his voice belied the fear and panic he felt.

"He took her. I told you I didn't deserve her, Angel. I told you." He said softly.

"The blood, Spike. What happened to Buffy?" Angel asked the panic rising in his voice now.

"Blood, her blood, too much of it." Spike looked around the floor as if Angel wasn't there.

Angel slapped Spike hard across the face, "Damn it, Spike. What happened to her?"

The slap brought Spike back "A blade of some sort, it went through her back. Blood everywhere, I tried, it was on my shirt, and all in her pretty hair and she's gone. He took her."

"Spike was she alive, when he took her?" Angel asked pleading that he answer yes.

"I think so, but Angel the blood was everywhere, she can't last long." Spike stood up his eyes never leaving the pool of blood beneath him.

"I have a few contacts, let's go see where a Debrig demon might hole up." Angel told him as Spike followed him out the door.

The first two places Angel and Spike visited yielded nothing. But the third place a club, was where they hit paydirt. The bartender mentioned that a Debrig demon had been in earlier and hired a vampire to deliver a note to someone. He pointed at a feral demon sitting in the corner, "That's him. He came back in to spend his pay."

Angel and Spike moved to the table and each quickly took a seat beside the vampire. He looked nervous as the vampires both eyed him. Angel pulled out a fifty dollar bill. "Where did you deliver the note to earlier?"

The vampire looked at the money then at Angel and back to Spike. He quickly gave them Angel's address.

"A debrig demon, big guy, don't know his name. He's got a score to settle with the Slayer seems she got rid of a bunch of his cronies in Sunnydale. I'd try the sewers near the docks." The vampire took the money and stood up, Angel moved and let him by. "If he finds out I told, I'm gonna need protection." He muttered as he left the club.

Spike stood up, "Let's go, now. If she is alive she won't be for long. I damn well don't plan on losing her after I just found her."

Angel followed him out the club and into the car. They drove in the direction of the docks.

Buffy was sore and she was very cold. And her shirt, Spikes shirt was sticky and maybe she had ripped it, she hoped he wouldn't be angry. It was really cold wherever she was, she pulled the shirt tighter around her using the arm on her uninjured side. She was trying to concentrate, she remembered running through the house with Spike and falling and it hurt.

She opened her eyes and strained to see where she was. A huge debrig demon sat staring at her. The demon from her Dad's house. Spike, where was Spike? Her mind raced was he okay? She had to find him.

"So you are finally awake? Good, I wanted you awake for the fun." He stalked closer to her running the cold blade he had pulled from her back across her throat.

"Why an eye for an eye, Slayer. You took out several of my friends in Sunnydale, we ran a very successful black market of humans there and you put us out of business." He stepped back from her and grinned evilly.

"Now, this won't be quite as much fun without your vampire friends to hear your screams, but I think I'll still enjoy it." He said menacingly as he stepped closer to her again. "And I think I'll send what's left of you to them in a gift wrapped box."

Buffy gulped in air, she was getting light headed again, and she knew her only chance was to think clearly and examine possible escape routes, unfortunately her wounded body wasn't cooperating.

Angel parked the car and he and Spike walked toward the sewer entrance at the docks. Angel lifted the cover and followed Spike underground. "This way." Spike mouthed to him, over the stench of the sewer he could smell Buffy's blood.

Angel followed worried about what they would find. Not sure if he was more afraid for himself if Buffy was dead or more afraid of how Spike would react. They walked quickly but carefully down the narrow passageway. Spike turned and held one hand in a stop motion to Angel. He pointed at the metal door on the wall, he dared a peek in the small window and his undead heart broke again.

Buffy lie on a makeshift table, she wasn't moving and the debrig circled her with a wicked looking blade in his hand. The smell of her blood was thick in the air and Angel winced at the smell. Please let her be alive he silently pleaded. As he watched fear and determination play across Spike's chiseled features.

Spike turned to him, "I say we rush him, there's only one of him, two of us." He picked up a piece of heavy pipe lying on the ground. He and Angel kicked the door and charged into the room surprising the demon as he spun around to see what was happening.

Spike brought the pipe down full force in the debrigs face causing him to slide to the floor dropping his weapon. Before he could find the blade again, Spike found it and approached the down demon with an evil glint in his now yellow eyes. He brought the blade down into the demons chest, "That's for Joyce," He brought it down again, "And this is for Giles," The demon stared at him from painfilled eyes as Spike brought the blade quickly across his throat, fresh blood spurted all over Spike mixing in with Buffy's dried blood. "And that was for Buffy." He stood and walked to the table where Angel was wrapping Buffy in his coat.

Angel looked grim, Buffy's pulse was weak and respiration slow, the blood loss had made her lose conciousness. Spike looked at her pale, unmoving form in Angel's arms, "Is she?" He asked in a pained whisper.

Angel gently pressed her into Spike's waiting arms. Spike placed a gentle kiss on her blood smeared cheek. "Hold on, baby. Hold on. You aren't going to leave me now."

Angel helped Spike into the backseat of the car where there was room, he lie Buffy as comfortably as he could against him. She didn't move or make even a slight noise. Spike was scared, really scared, the kind of deep gut wrenching fear you have when everything is spinning out of control and you know that your life could end as you know. He pushed her hair from her face again, the blood having dried so it seemed brittle. She was so pale, too pale and he could feel blood seeping from the wound again.

Angel took a last look into the backseat and drove to the hospital. He helped Spike take Buffy into the ER where a nurse had him lay her on a gurney as she began taking vital signs and another nurse called a Doctor.

"What happened here?" The doctor asked Spike as he held Buffys still hand in his.

"She was mugged, stabbed down by the docks. She's going to be okay, right?" Panic rose in his voice.

"We've got to call the police in. And we'll have to see about her condition, she's lost alot of blood. Her vitals seem to be stable but still weak, I'm going to get some lab work done, and then I'm sure we will transfuse some packed red cells into her. " The doctor was cutting Spikes shirt off of Buffy as he spoke. His gloved hands probed the wound. "We'll need some xrays to see how much damage the knife did. Please wait outside so we can work." He told Angel and Spike as he pointed towards the ER waiting room.

"You'll do her more good out there, so we can set about saving her life. Go, please. We'll let you know something as soon as we can." Angel put his hand on Spike's arm and led him from the room.

The doctor called out "STAT cbc, lytes and a type and cross for four units. If the h and h is very low we'll use some O neg . Oh and get the portable x-ray in here." The nurses ran in different directions as the Doctor took his light and looked into Buffy's eyes.

Buffy blinked a couple of times, she felt heavy as if she couldn't move as she tried to figure out where she was. The doctor's voice sounded far away as he spoke to her, "Good, your awake. We're going to run some tests and try to get you patched up, okay." He took her hand and squeezed it she squeezed it back weakly. She scanned the room, where were Spike and Angel, she knew she had heard their voices earlier.

The phlebotomist arrived and drew several tubes of blood as they left the x-ray tech arrived and went to work. The doctor had the nurse check her vital signs once more. They were still stable, a good sign.

Angel sat down beside Spike in the waiting room. "Should we call somebody?" He asked him rubbing his temples.

"Who? I think we're it right now. If it gets worse we'll call Red and Xander. But it's not going to get to that point." Spike lowered his head and whispered, "It can't get to that point."

"She's going to be fine, Spike." Angel told him with more confidence then he actually felt.

The doctor joined them twenty minutes later. He gave them a guarded smile as he approached. "She's got over the worst part, I think she is going to be fine. We've started a transfusion and we'll check her labs again in an hour. Is one of you called Spike?"

"She called your name. You can go in for a moment, make sure she stays calm." The doctor led him to the curtained ER room and left Spike with Buffy. She was still pale but her color was better and her breathing appeared steadier. He quietly stood by the bed and ran his hand up and down her arm.

Buffy opened tired eyes and saw him, she smiled weakly and raised her hand to catch his. She squeezed his hand tightly and he grinned at her. "You didn't have to try out that 'til death do us part thing. You scared me, Buffy." He leaned over and kissed her forehead whispering, "Please don't ever do that again."

She nodded and spoke her voice a little raspy, "I promise. I'm so tired, Spike." She fought to keep her eyes open.

He sat on the edge of the bed holding her hand in his, watching her every breath. "It's okay, rest baby. Just rest." He was scared, was he up to this? Could he live with the fact that every night she patrolled was the night he could lose her. He kissed her hand before he lay it down on the bed and vowed to himself that he would make sure that nothing like this ever happened again.

He needed to clear his head. He had just found her and almost lost her all in a twenty four hour period. Damn it. why did love have to hurt?

Spike sat by the bed until he was sure Buffy was sleeping. He stood and went to the door taking a last look at her he left the room. The doctor stopped him on his way out. "We're moving her to room two fourteen, your friend can see her, if he'd like."

Angel looked up when he saw Spike enter the room. "How is she?" He asked standing.

"She's going to be okay... this time. They are going to move her to two fourteen, you can see her when they get her moved. I'm going to go for a walk. You watch her, okay?"

Angel could see and hear the underlying panic in Spike's eyes and in his voice. "Where are you going?" He asked pointedly.

"You're leaving aren't you? You can't handle it. I should have known." Angel's eyes flashed dangerously.

"I'm going to get smokes." Spike maintained as he turned and left Angel standing in the waiting room a worried look on his face.

"I'm not going to be the one to tell her you don't have the guts to stay, Spike. I won't do it." Angel murmured as she watched the blond vampire walk away.

Angel went to the desk and asked for directions to Buffy's room He was going to make damn sure that someone was there for her. He cursed Spike in a hundred ways as he walked to the room.

Buffy was still sleeping, her color getting better every hour. Angel pulled the chair up next to the bed. "I love you, Buffy." He whispered as he took her hand.

"Love you." She whispered half asleep. She opened her eyes and smiled at Angel. "Hey you."

"You scared us, Buffy. I'm glad you're okay." He smiled at her waiting for her to ask the question he dreaded to hear.

Angel thought for a moment, "He went to get cigarettes." He finally answered and he prayed that maybe that was all Spike was doing.

"Okay. I'm sorry if I'm out of it. I'm just so woozy from everything. So if I fall asleep forgive me." She smiled at his as her eyes closed again.

Angel watched her sleep for three hours, cursing Spike every second. She woke up again and looked around the room once more, "Spike?" She asked worriedly.

Buffy looked Angel directly in his deep dark eyes, "He's gone for good, isn't he?" Her face crumbled as she said the words. A single tear rolled down her cheek. "Angel?"

"It's okay, Angel. I knew it wouldn't last long, although I was hoping for more then a day." She tried to crack a smile for him. Angel stood and carefully put an arm around her, holding her as she cried.

Spike sat in the bar staring at the shot of whiskey that sat in front of him untouched. He had been in the bar for an hour and a half now, just staring at the drink. He'd spent anothe hour and a half wandering aimlessy around the streets, stopping at Angel's to change into clean clothes. He'd avoided looking at her bags but his hand had rested for a moment on her hairbrush that lay on the dresser.

He was doing anything to avoid thinking of her lying in ER room nearly dead. He didn't want to lose her, he couldn't live without her now, he was sure. Then why are you sitting in a bar instead of with her? You idiot, you've been given this wondeful gift, appreciate it. Angel's words went through his head. She could have died! She will die someday, all mortals do. I don't want her to die. It's out of your hands, you need to love her today as if it is her last day, make it mean something to her while you do have her. Get off the barstool and go - go give her a fraction of the happiness she's given you. Spike put his hand on the side of his head tired of the ongoing argument that was going on there.

"Yeah, but I've got to go. Do you know a good florist?" Spike asked as he moved from the stool.

The bartender laughed, "Should have known, woman trouble. There's a florist around the corner. Good luck."

Spike paid his tab and left the bar. Love her today, love her today, don't think about tomorrow, just love her today,. those words became his mantra as he walked to the florist, it was very early morning now and they weren't officially open yet, it was still dark but a delivery truck was parked outside and they were unloading roses, gorgeous roses. He asked if he could buy some and the shopkeeper took pity on him and opened the till early for him. He walked back towards the hospital, she's worth it, she's worth it all. Love her today, Love her always.

When Buffy had finished crying, Angel patted her lightly on the back and sat back down in the chair. "I'm sorry,Buffy. I should have known, but I really thought that maybe he'd be okay."

"But still, if I had... " Angel started before he was interrupted by the door to the room being pushed open with slight kick. A large bouquet of roses entered with a blond head peering over them.

"Were you expecting someone else?" He grinned at her walking towards the bed he sat the flowers down on the bedside table. He leaned over and kissed her lightly on the lips.

Angel watched the whole scene with raised eyebrows. "What took you so long?" He asked gruffly.

"Hard to find cigarettes this time of night." Spike quickly explained as he took Buffy's hand in his. "But I'm here now, and I'm not going anywhere."

Buffy looked at him with a serious expression, "What happens the next time you run out of cigarrettes?"

He squeezed her hand and looked in her eyes, "Next time you can go with me to get them or I'll do without."

Angel coughed loudly as he stood. "I think I'll go and see if I can get the doors back up at Buffy's dad's house and clean up a little bit. If you need me at all, just call Buffy." He frowned at Spike as he turned to leave.

"Make sure she doesn't." Angel told him as he closed the door behind him. He smiled as he left the hospital, maybe he had underestimated Spike.

"Your welcome. I meant it Buffy, I'm not going to leave you again." He told her smoothing her hair back.

She looked at the flowers then back to him, "I have to know that you mean it, Spike. If you can't handle it, it's best to leave now before I have too much invested in this." She sighed.

"I have alot invested here, too. I'm staying." He kissed her forehead and sat down beside the bed.

The nurse brought in Buffy's breakfast tray and smiled at her. "You need to eat to get your strengh back up."

Buffy took the cover off of the plate, she shook her head in disgust, runny eggs and burnt toast.

Spike laughed at the look on her face, "There has to be something edible on that tray."

Buffy covered the plate up as she reached for the small box of Cheerio's and the milk. She poured them into the plastic bowl and dug in washing it down with orange juice. "I'm going to starve if I stay in here very long."

As she finished her breakfast the phlebotomist came into the room. "I'm Gena from the lab and I need to draw a little bit of blood." The curly headed blond said cheerfully as she lay her tray at the foot of Buffy's bed.

Buffy frowned as Gena tied the tourniquet around her arm, she quickly found a vein and drew a full syringe, dividing the blood into several different tubes with colorful tops. Spike waggled his eyebrows and licked his lips behind the phlebo's back, as he watched the blood fill the tubes. Buffy rolled her eyes back at him. He grinned.

Two days later Spike entered the room with her bag, when she had dressed, he picked her up. "Let's go home." He told her sweetly.

"Hurry!" Buffy called to Spike as he stepped out of the shower. She was brushing her hair and putting on lipstick.

"You know if we had showered together like I suggested, I would already be dressed." He teased her as he kissed her cheek. He loved to watch her dress, he marveled at her beauty as she pulled the brush through her long blond locks. He pulled her close to him putting both arms around her waist, it still frightened him that he had almost given this up because he was afraid.

"If we had showered together we wouldn't have "showered" and neither of us would be dressed ." She laughed softly.

"The feeling's mutual. But we don't want to leave Gile's at the airport. He's been gone six months and I missed him." Buffy told him as she sat down on the bed and put on her boots.

"Should I be jealous?" Spike smiled at her as he sat down beside her pulling on his own shoes.

She grinned at him, "I don't think so, Watchers just don't do it for me like bleached blond vamps do." She placed her hand on his cheek and leaned forward kissing him hard on the lips.

She smiled and looked at her watch, "Okay, so show me what you can do in say twenty minutes."

Giles looked at his watch one more time, Buffy was twenty minutes late picking him up. He was just going to call when she and Spike arrived arm in arm, smiling happily, too happily. He decided it was best not to ask what had held them up. There were some things even a Watcher didn't want to know.

Spike sat in the bar not really listening to the music. He appeared to be lost in his own thoughts. He was back in time fifty or more years ago, when he spent his time with a woman. Actually "the woman", because after the time he had with Buffy, no one else would ever compare. He could still remember the way she drank her coffee, a little cream and lots of sugar, she ate gummy bears in bed, and she had a cute little breathy snore when she slept, especially after an exhausting night of lovemaking.

He'd been with her for thirty years before her calling finally caught up with her. He'd been thankful that her death had been quick and painless. A demon who thought it would be a coup for him to kill the former Slayer.

The demon responsible for her death was not as lucky. Spike and Angel had hunted him down unmercifully and sometimes Spike could still hear his painfilled screams in his dreams. But not often, because most often his dreams were filled with her and of happy times. After they had left LA and gone back to Sunnydale, Spike had kept his promise he never left her side again.

Spike turned to see a young man sitting next to him. The bartender gave the man his beer. Spike watched the man for several minutes as he just stared at the beer in front of him.

"Yeah, I'm just thinking." The man explained tracing a heart in the condensation on the side of the mug.

Spike smiled at the drawing. "Women troubles?" He asked conversationally. It had been a long time since Spike had just talked to someone, occasionally he visited Angel, but most of the time he kept to himself.Something about this guy called to him.

"Sarah. And she is the most beautiful woman in the world and I think I love her." He sighed again.

"Then what's the problem?" Spike asked interested in the man's plight. "Doesn't Sarah love you?"

"She does, she does love me." Kevin answered a sad smile on his face. "But, I don't know if I can make her happy. Her last boyfriend made a lot more money then I do and his job held a lot more prestige. I don't know if I can make her happy, she says that none of that matters. But what if in two years it does matter, what if I do marry her and I can't make her happy. What if she leaves me? Is it worth the risk? "

"You really love her?" Spike asked as he remembered a time that he had asked the same question about a girl.

"Yes, she's all I think about. I don't deserve her, but I want her so badly. But then I think she might be better off with someone else." Kevin took a long sip of beer.

"A not so wise man once told me that love doesn't have to do with deserving it, it has to do with being willing to work hard at deserving it. Are you willing to sacrifice for her, do you really and truly love her with everything in you. If she left would you feel the pain in your heart like a knife when you thought of her in twenty years, would you know that pain will still be there in fifty years, or one hundred years after she's gone?"

Kevin looked at Spike, "Did you have that kind of love?" He could sense this guy had a story to tell.

Spike nodded and smiled, he picked up his drink. "Yes, once upon a time, I did."

"I think I'm gonna ask her to marry me, it's crazy but I love her." Kevin smiled as he finished his beer.

The bartender placed a mug in front of Spike and one in front of Kevin. Spike lifted his mug "A toast, mate?"

"To women who are worth it." Spike said and he smiled as he remembered small hands around his waist and soft kisses peppered on his face. "Oh, Buffy. You were worth every minute." He said under his breath then he gathered his duster, gave Kevin a small salute. He had an appointment to keep.

If it wasn't Sunnydale, people might have thought it strange to see the young blond man sitting on the bench next to a pretty pink marble stone in the cemetary. But Sunnydale was the hometown of strangeness, so no one thought twice as the man held a conversation with a woman who had been dead longer he appeared to have been alive. Spike filled Buffy in on his routine and all about Angel, and the surviving Scooby gang.

Shortly before sunrise, he left with a whispered "I love you." And a hand run gently across her name on the stone. He would do this weekly for the next twenty or the next fifty or even the next one hundred years until somehow they were together again.