destructo-girl.com

"Return To Me"

Author: Tiarra
Email: n2light@hotmail.com

Another day. Correction...another miserable day. But she didn't have the courage to do what it took to turn her life around. So, every day, her life was miserable.

Buffy Anne Jaimeson quietly got out of bed. She didn't want to risk waking up her husband, and plastering a fake smile on her face that matched her fake happiness. It wasn't Aaron's fault that his wife didn't love him. It was her own heart, the heart that screamed at her foolishness twenty four seven.

Buffy left the master bedroom, and walked down the hallway of her new home. She stopped at a closed door, before turning and walking down the staircase. She walked into the living room and sat on the couch.

While Buffy *never* relished the idea of being rescued, she knew that he would track the call, and find her. And part of her wanted him to.

She picked the phone up from its cradle.

* The phone rang. It was 8 am, and he was *not* looking forward to another vision or a random Californian who happened to stumble across the investigators and needed help. After all, Angel had just defeated a Vicher demon, and his energy was drained.

Still, the phone rang, and he was compelled to answer it.

"Hello," he said into the receiver, still groggy from sleep. But there was no answer. "Hello?"

Still nothing. Angel's heart skipped a beat. Maybe it was her. He hadn't heard from Buffy in the year she had been away.

"Angel," she said softly. "Angel, I… I just wanted to let you know that we're okay," she said a little louder, though that wasn't what she wanted to say.

"Buffy," he still couldn't believe that she called. He hadn't seen her or even heard her voice since she left town 14 months ago. "Where are you? Why haven't you called before? Why didn't you tell anyone you were leaving?"

Angel quickly got out of bed, and started pacing around his room. "When are you coming back?"

"I'm not. I miss you, Angel. I love you. But, I can't be there. It's better for her this way."

"It'd be better for everyone if we worked this out together. Please, come back to me."

"I have to go," Buffy said. "I love you."

She hung up the phone.

Buffy had sent letters to Willow, Xander and Giles. She had discreetly talked to her mother and father. And each time that she did, she warned them all to not tell Angel. If he found the truth about her leaving, the world as they knew would come to a crashing halt.

She quickly recomposed herself, before going back up the staircase, just in time to here her daughter crying out for her.

"The reservations are for 8 o' clock. Janie will be here before then, right?" Aaron Jaimeson asked his wife.

"Yeah, I talked to her yesterday. She said she'd be here by 7:30," Buffy told him while bottle-feeding Caitlyn.

Aaron looked over her, she seemed vaguely different.

"Are you okay, honey?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. Why?" Buffy asked, taken back.

"You seem kinda…stressed."

"I guess motherhood has taken it's toll on me already. And she's only 6 months old. Wonder what'll happen when she's 16," she smiled, and remembered how her life was at 16. She had just become the Slayer. And soon would meet the best friends ever, and the love of her life.

"Then there's that…you get this faraway look in your eyes. What's so bad about your past that you don't like talking about?"

"I've gotta meet Kristen in twenty minutes. I'll see you later," she changed the subject, before kissing her husband.

"Have fun," he said as Buffy placed Caitlyn in her car seat, and grabbed her diaper bag.

"Buffy, just do it!" Kristen Micheals told her best friend of a year. "You're miserable, pretty soon, Aaron's gonna notice."

Kristen hadn't known Buffy long enough to know the whole deal, but she had known that Aaron wasn't Caitlyn's father, and whoever was, he was the guy Buffy really wanted to be with.

"Either you gotta tell Aaron the truth, and go back to Him. Or get a divorce and deal with it without him. In the end, you'll only break his heart more if you stay, and I know you have a thing about guilt."

Buffy had mentioned Angel to Kristen in the past. Not a lot, but she did let it slip that she would never love Aaron the way she loved Angel. She would love no man like Angel.

"I can't. You don't even know half of the story, Kristen. You have no idea what's at risk. If my baby meets her father - as wrong as it may sound - all Hell would break loose. You have no idea how much it kills me to deny him his own child. But, it's for the best." She sounded as if she were trying to convince herself, not Kristen.

"Then, if you're so unhappy, then why do you stay with Aaron. Why are you setting him up for heartbreak in the long run? If you don't want to be with him…"

"I love Aaron. If I hadn't, I wouldn't have married him. That's not the issue. I don't love him unconditionally. There's always going to be someone in my heart that comes before him. Someone on a level he could never touch," Buffy told her. "But, I need him. I wouldn't make it alone."

She looked at her daughter who was happily playing with a set of plastic keys. "I wouldn't be able to protect her alone."

"Information. What city, please?"

"Los Angeles."

"How can I help you?" The operator asked.

"I've just received a call from out of state. I'd like to find out where exactly," Angel told her.

"Please hold."

He waited as the operator contacted the phone company. Angel finally had hope again. He was so close to finding her.

"Hello, sir. We have a number. The phone call was from 314-369-701,in Missouri."

"Can I get an address?"

"I'm sorry, sir. I'm not authorized to give out an address."

"Thank you."

It didn't matter anyway. He knew where she was, he could easily find the rest.

Angel set to work on the internet. Using some of Cordelia's bookmarks, he found that Buffy was in Florissant, Missouri. Unsuccessful in finding anything else, he made plans to leave LA by nightfall.

"Angel, what are you doing?" Cordelia asked him upon arriving to the office.

"Going to Missouri."

"Missouri? I understand if you want a vacation, but why go there in the middle of Febuary?"

"I found them," he told her.

"What? How?"

"I tracked her down. She called this morning."

Cordelia had seen firsthand what Buffy did to Angel. She didn't like the sound of this.

"That girl has got a lot of nerve. She calls you up - just after you've stopped looking for her - and doesn't even have the decency to tell you where she is."

Angel set his flight information on the counter, then headed towards the staircase.

"What's this?" Cordelia asked him.

"My flight leaves at sundown."

"You don't like to fly."

"They're in Missouri. I'm going to find them and bring them back."

"Janie, come on," Buffy willed the babysitter to show up. It was 7:45 and Buffy and Aaron were going to be *beyond* fashionably late for their dinner with his parents.

"Go ahead. I'll stay here with Caitlyn," Kristen told them.

"Are you sure?" Aaron asked.

"Yeah. You're going to be way late. Besides, you guys haven't been out in awhile."

"Thanks," Buffy said, before hurrying out the door.

Once in the car and on the road, Aaron decided to break the silence between he and his wife.

"This shouldn't take long. My parents called this little meeting to see if this is real, not to meet their lovely daughter-in-law."

"I don't get your family. What kind of people threaten to give away the family business unless their kid is married?"

"I don't know. I haven't understood my parents motive since I was 13. I don't question them anymore, I just give them what they want."

"But a 'for-show-only' marriage is a little extreme. That company must be really important to you."

"Very much. And I'll be damned if they sell it to an outsider."

"Well, that's what our deal is for. I play the dutiful wife till they're convinced. You get what you want, and we're good," Buffy said.

"What about what you want?" He asked her.

Kristen had just fed Caitlyn, and was in the middle of burping her when the doorbell rang. She put the little girl in her chair, sitting on the coffee table and went to answer it.

She opened the door to her ideal...tall, dark and gorgeous. Kinda pale...

"Hi. Can I help you?" She asked him.

There was something about him...

"Does Buffy Summers live here?" Angel asked.

"Umm, Buffy Jaimeson does. She just got married," Kristen explained, until she saw the pained look on his face. "She's not here right now."

There was something in his eyes that seemed a little familiar, but she was positive that she had never met him.

Caitlyn's crying is what broke her from that hypnotic gaze. She rushed backed into the living room, and picked the baby up from her chair.

"Thanks," said Angel turning to leave, figuring he could just come back later.

It was when Kristen looked at Caitlyn, then back to the man that she realized who he was.

"Angel!"

He stopped cold. He hadn't told her his name.

"You're Angel, aren't you?" Kristen asked him.

"Yeah. Who are you?"

"My name's Kristen. I'm a friend of Buffy's. She told me a little about you."

"Where is Buffy?"

She didn't know what she should have told him. For some reason, Buffy didn't want him around. It wasn't because he was untrustworthy or psychotic, or anything wierd. She knew that Buffy still loved him. And she could tell that he was gentle, kind and caring.

"She's out for dinner. She was kinda stressed, so I suggested that she go out, and I'd watch Caitlyn," she lied.

Angel looked at his daughter, he had never seen his child. He hadn't been around when she was in Buffy's womb.

"You wanna hold her?" Kristen asked.

"Yeah."

"Come in then," Kristen motioned for him to follow her.

Angel stepped inside the house, and followed Kristen to the living room. After he sat on the couch, she placed his daughter in his arms. Looking at them, she noted that Caitlyn was the perfect mix of her parents, with light hair - like her mother - and dark eyes - like her father.

"I'm probably out of line, but I know that Buffy isn't happy here. I've known her since she moved into town last year. And she doesn't talk about why she left everything behind, but she did mention that it was because of you."

"What do you mean?"

"She said something about Hell breaking loose. I know she didn't mean it metaphorically."

Could Buffy have left Sunnydale in fear that Angel would lose his soul? It was possible. She thought that he would become "happy", and go stalkerish on everyone, again. He had to tell her soon. So she could return to the people who loved her.

Caitlyn giggled at him. She was the most precious thing he had ever seen. How could Buffy take that away from him?

"Do you know when Buffy will be back?" Angel asked her.

Noting that it was 9 pm, and Buffy and Aaron had promised to be back early, Kristen estimated that they'd be back before 10:30.

"Maybe in an hour or so."

"I've gotta take care of some things, so I need to go," Angel told the woman, reluctantly handing his daughter to her. "Do me a favor: don't tell Buffy I was here. Please."

"Sure." As he was about to leave, Kristen stopped him. "I must be crazy. I don't know why I'm doing this, but you seem trustworthy, so here."

She gave him a little slip of paper.

"If you need help, call me. Buffy deserves happiness, and if she can find it with you, I'll do what I can to help."

10 o'clock came and went, and Buffy and Aaron still weren't home. At this point, Kristen was a little freaked out. She *had* just given her phone number to a man she had never met before, whom Buffy didn't even want to see.

*But he seemed so hurt,* she justified. She knew that he had never seen his child. But hadn't she betrayed Buffy's trust?

"We're back," her friend's voice rang out. "Everything go okay?"

"Umm, yeah. I put her in bed a little over an hour ago. Janie called, but I told her that I would stay," Kristen told them.

"Thanks, Kristen. We really appreciate it."

"No problem. Tonight was actually...enlightening."

"What do you mean?" Buffy asked.

"I just learned a few things...about Caitlyn. Or, quite possibly, kids in general," she covered. "Anyway, I gotta go. I'll call you."

Kristen left the Jaimeson residence, leaving Buffy wondering what exactly she was talking about. She could sense that something wierd went down with Kristen.

"Angel, what's going on there?" Cordelia asked him. He had just called, after settling into a hotel.

"I saw her, my daughter. Caitlyn."

"Oh, wow. She's about 6 months, right?"

"Yeah. I didn't see Buffy though, but I'll find her tomorrow."

"How? I mean, how are you going to approach her?"

"It'll be one hell of a surprise."

"So, you now are sole owner of Jaimeson Enterprises. How do you intend to celebrate?" Buffy asked Aaron.

"If you're willing, I want to take my beautiful family to Hawaii for a week. A nice little family vacation."

"I don't know," Buffy answered hesitantly. "With our 'contract' almost up, I'm not sure we should make such arrangements."

"Buffy, I've got what I want. And I'm completely content. It's not like I love you any less because our marriage isn't real. Besides, you deserve a little luxary. You won't let me repay you for what you've done for me, so at least let me spoil you while we're together."

"I just...I want..." she wasn't sure what to say. But she knew she shouldn't be agreeing to any arrangements with Aaron at the moment, for some strange reason.

"How about this: I set it all up, and if by the weekend you don't wanna go, canceled. Okay?"

It seemed logical. He truly wanted to pay her in some way, and she seemed to be getting the short stick of the deal.

"Okay," she agreed.

He quickly kissed her on the cheek before grabbing a briefcase.

"I've gotta go. But, I should be home around 6."

"Okay. Bye," Buffy called out to him, as he slipped out of the front door.

As if on cue, the telephone rang.

"Hello," Buffy answered.

"Hey, Buffy. You busy?" Kristen asked.

"Nope. Nothing at all to do, why?"

"Wanna go shopping?"

"Cool. I'm up for a little shopping."

"Okay, I'll be there in a half."

"See you then."

*Part A of plan one has suceeded* Kristen thought.

She had gotten Buffy to go with her, now all she had to do was wait for Angel to make his move.

"It's amazing how uncrowded the mall is," said Buffy as she pushed Caitlyn's stroller throught the shopping arena.

"It's still kinda early. The rush doesn't hit this mall until noon since they don't open til 10:30."

The women had been on all three levels of the mall, and were preparing to leave with their packages.

"Hold on, I've gotta go to the restroom," Kristen said. She walked down the long corridor, and stopped to call Angel.

"We're on our way out," she told him. "Where you gonna meet her?"

"I'll meet you outside."

He was about to see her again. It had been too long. How would she react...to everything?

"I'll take Caitlyn tonight," Kristen said,offering her services to her best friend upon returning from the phone.

"Really?"

"Yeah. Don't worry about it. Just take a day to relax," she said as they walked out of the mall. "Besides, you haven't had a day off in 6 months. I'll keep her tomorrow, too."

"I couldn't ask you to do that."

"You didn't. You're gonna have fun, and I get to practice my mommy skills on Caitlyn. Who knows, I might decide to have kids someday."

"You're the best," Buffy thanked her friend. She really could use time to sleep. But something told her that sleep wouldn't come easily.

It wasn't until they were outside the mall that Buffy's stomach started flipping. There was a change around her...or someone's familiar presence was making itself known.

Buffy looked around her, eyes adjusting to the brightness. Her sight fell on a figure approaching. Her breath caught in her throat at the sight of Angel...in the sunlight.

"Angel?"

"Buffy." The standard way to greet each other.

Buffy's mind was spinning, and her heartbeat sped. Before she knew what happened, her world went black, as she fainted.

"She's waking up," a voice said as Buffy's eyes opened.

She looked around her and saw Kristen holding Caitlyn and two people she didn't know. Presumably mall security. She didn't see Angel anywhere.

"Where am I?" she asked.

"You're in the security room," Kristen told her. "You remember what happened?"

She remembered going outside, and seeing Angel walk up to her, under direct sunlight, and not bursting into flames.

"Where is he?" Buffy asked Kristen, hoping that she wasn't going insane.

"He's outside. You want him to come in?"

There went her heartbeat again.

"Yeah. Can you leave us alone with him?"

Kristen gave Caitlyn to Buffy, then left the room with the guards.

Not even 10 seconds had passed before he was standing in front of her.

He looked as she remembered. His hair was still dark and spiky, just as she loved. His eyes, two pools of deep chocolate, still displayed his search for forgiveness. Still held secrets that only she could read. His well muscled body was covered in all black clothing. He was beautiful.

"Angel...I...what's going on?"

"I came to take my family home."

She had known that he had come to take her back, so why did she ask? She wanted to go back, but she knew she...couldn't.

"I can't go back there. We can't be together. It's too dangerous."

"Buffy, our love has always been dangerous, and we still managed to be together."

"Not always. I recall you walking away from our love almost two years ago," Buffy said, then instantly regretted doing so. She had known that what he did, he did for her. But she was tired of his martyr act. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that..."

"It's true. I did leave you, and I know that you hate me for that."

"Angel, I could never hate you. I would never try," she told him. "But there are forces at work here. Dark forces. And no matter what we do, we can't stop them."

"What are you talking about?"

Before she had a chance to avoid his question, Kristen knocked on the door, and stuck her head inside.

"Everything okay?" she asked.

"Yeah."

"Okay. Well, I've gotta go home, so I'll take Caitlyn and leave you two to talk."

"I don't..."Buffy started, but seeing the pained and confused looked on Angel's face, she knew she had to give him an explanation. A detailed one. "Okay. I'll talk to you later," she said to Kristen, passing Caitlyn over to her.

She eyed Angel watch them go, and hated what she had done to him.

"Maybe we should go elsewhere. This story too long and complicated to tell in a public arena."

Amazement. That's the word Buffy used to describe how she felt watching Angel in the sunlight. The entire drive, they had played the foolish game of junior high school. When she wasn't looking at him, he was looking at her.

She had changed, or course. Her hazel eyes didn't sparkle as much as they used to. Her blond hair had gotten longer, and she seemed to have putten on a little weight, which he found very sexy. He detected a new level of maturity and stress. Something pass Slayerhood, this could only come from parenthood. She was, nonetheless, beautiful.

Upon arriving at his hotel room, Buffy was the first to break the silence.

"So, what's with the sunlight deal? Did you run into another Mohra and somehow retain your strength?"

Angel hesitated. But he didn't know why. Maybe because of the underlying cold tone of her voice...

"Shanshu," he stated simply. "A prophecy that I would become human. I've searched for redemption for so long, and I finally got it."

She sat in a chair as he stood across the room. He moved over to her, and knelt.

"I fought my last battle as a vampire on January 19th. I fought with you in my heart. You're always in my heart."

Buffy could feel her resolve melting, and she knew she had to tell him.

"I'm sorry. Angel. I'm so sorry. I had to. I didn't want to keep her away from you, but it's the only way."

Before she could stop herself, Buffy was breaking down in tears. But Angel was there to comfort her.

"It's okay."

"No it's not. Either way it goes, it's wrong. She doesn't deserve this. I'd do anything to protect her from it. Anything to keep her from her fate."

"Caitlyn's fate? What are you talking about?"

Buffy slightly pulled away from him, to look directly at him.

"A prophecy. I came across it after I found out that I was pregnant. I had to keep it from coming true."

She stood up and walked away from him. She couldn't bring herself to look him in the face.

"You know the Codex. It'd never tell a lie. And this one can't be thwarted. I hoped to God that I could at least avoid it."

She continued on, and tried her best not to cry more than she already had.

"The day we were together was taken away, so we should never have had the chance to concieve a child. But we did, and she survived that.

"As much as I desperately want for that to be a miracle to us, it's not."

She turned around to face him, her cheeks streaked with tears.

"She's destined, Angel. Destined to be a destructor."

"Who knows about this?" Angel asked.

"Giles," she reluctantly told him. "And Willow and Xander. My mom and dad know I'm here. They don't know why. I told everyone to keep it quiet."

"Why didn't you tell me?" he inquired. "Why did you run?"

"Why did you have the Oracles turn the clock, Angel? Because you knew that no matter how hard it is, it's the right thing to do. You did it for the world. To make sure it would keep turning. And that's exactly what I did."

"I don't understand."

"A Slayer and a Vampire who fall in love and have a child is already off our universal charts. But when you and I concieved Caitlyn, you were human. And then the day was rewound, as if it had never happened, through magic. By the rules of the world, she shouldn't even be here. But it turns out that it was prophesied. Caitlyn, the product of the pairing of natural enemies, is to become the greatest warrior to ever walk the earth. And unless we can protect her until that time, she'll lead the warriors of Hell."

It was a lot to grasp, and Angel was barely hanging on. But he still didn't understand why Buffy would leave, when it turned out she would need him more than ever.

"If we were to raise her together, they would find her," Buffy seemed to read his thoughts. "This way, it's low key. It seems normal. I debated whether or not to go through with this, and it came down to her safety."

They stood in silence a few minutes more. Angel, deciding that he would not give up on his family, started yet another conversation.

"Aaron. Do you love him?"

Buffy nearly choked from lack of breath. How'd he know about him?

"I did my homework. Got a little help from your friend, Kristen. She told me I was looking for Buffy Jaimeson."

She was at a loss. She suspected Kristen helped Angel out, but she hadn't thought that he knew she was "married".

"I love him," she said. "As a friend. Never anything more. And I'm not a Jaimeson, not legally anyway. To any outsider, it would appear that Aaron and I have been happily married for a little over a month. But the truth, it's all cosmetic."

She walked slowly over to Angel, the only man truly in her heart.

"I met him last year. He was a good friend. He didn't know my situation, and I wouldn't let him close. But in January, his parents propositioned him: if he didn't get married - with a pre-nup, of course - then the family fortune would go to a business partner. I don't know what's wrong with those people, they're completely whacked.

"So, I agreed to act like we were married, and in return, he would help me with Caitlyn. It's not what's best for her, because no one could ever take your place as her father. But it's what's safest for her."

"Buffy, listen to me. We've faced a lot. We've gotten through horrible times. We can do this, together. She's better off with the both of us."

"Angel..."

"Whatever's coming is gonna come. And the best thing is to handle it together."

"I won't put my daughter in danger," she told him, firmly.

"She's my daughter, too. And I'm not leaving her here," he replied, his voice equally strong.

Not knowing what to do, Buffy let more tears slide down her face.

"I'm sorry," she said, and ran out the door.

Sometime since she and Angel went to the hotel, clouds had surrounded the sun, and rain poured down on Missouri. So, Buffy ran all the way home, the evidence of the storms blending with her tears.

She thanked the Gods who would listen that Aaron had yet to come home.

Ignoring the cold feel of her clothing sticking to her skin, she went in her bedroom, and turned on the radio.

~I will remember you. Will you remember me?~ crooned Sarah McLachlan.

*Typical. I turn on the radio, and what do I get? A reminder of how horrible I am.*

So, she flipped to another station. This time it was Leanne Rimes:

~Please remember. Please remember. I was there for you and you were there for me~

*I give up* Buffy thought, turning the station, randomly, one more time.

Going to the closet, she pulled out a suitcase and set it on the bed.

*Going away for awhile seems like a good idea* Buffy thought, listening to the DJ while shedding her wet clothes.

She quickly pulled on a pair of loose fitting jeans and a t-shirt before taking clothes out of her closet and placing them on the bed.

"We've got one we haven't heard for a while. At the request of a few lovers, we pulled Tamia out of our 'Body and Soul' crate. Here's one for everyone who's ever had a true love," the DJ said.

As Buffy packed some lingerie and the swimsuit she hadn't worn in months, she listened to the first melodies of a song she had heard before.

Her memories pulled at her brain, and she let herself remember dancing to this song with Angel at her prom. Before she knew what she was doing, she carelessly started tossing things in the suitcase.

Time after time, when I'm feeling low
Something inside of me let's me know
It's alright. Love's on my side

Going into the bathroom, adjoining from the master bedroom, she placed all her toiletries in an appropriate bag.

When the world seems a lonely place
I've got a dream that won't leave a trace
Of the blues, I just think of you
And baby I know...

At this point, she had finished in the bathroom and had gone back to the suitcase. She tossed in some more clothes, then put her jewelry in her small jewelry box.

I've got a real thing, here by my side
Someone who needs me, holding me tight
And these special feelings won't ever change
'Cause I knew, I knew from the start
You put a move on my heart

Buffy had preceeded to the nursery. Packing up Caitlyn's clothing, toys, diapers, and yet more toys, she was thankful for her Slayer speed. She needed to hurry.

Baby, our love is like a melody
Playing for us the sweetest dream
You could find, the music of life
And when we touch, there's the warmest glow
Heating the passion that Heaven knows
Is a dream. Just for you and me

Buffy sat down on the bed she shared with Aaron. They slept there together, yes, but they had never "consummated" their relationship. Taking a notepad and pen in hand, she wrote a quick note.