"I Feel Like I Hate Angel"
November 2000

Now, before you freak on me and send me angry emails, hear me out. I don't *hate* Angel. I just feel like I do. There *is* a difference.

I like Angel. I admire his deliciously good looks, aww over some of the things he has said and done to let Buffy know she is adored, and I have fiercely defended him against the people who said Angel should have been killed when he was Angelus. Look in my fanfic section. The Buffy/Angel fics outnumber all the other ones combined. I have always (and still do) thought of myself as a B/A shipper. However, I have been having some major anti-B/A feelings as of late.

All through last year, I saw all these rude comments about Buffy. Comments saying she was betraying her love for Angel by not moping around about him (strangely enough, a lot of these comments were made by the same people who had previously claimed they didn't want Buffy to mope around because she was an independent woman and could be happy without a man), calling her and Riley incredibly immature nicknames (and this wasn't just from incredibly immature people- there were/are some people I used to respect who did this) and declarations of hatred towards her. I brushed it off as people who just couldn't let go of the B/A dream. Me, I was fine holding onto the belief that someday they'd be together, but in the meantime, Buffy had some learning to do. She had to have experiences (especially with relationships) while Angel had to help others to feel worthy.

Now it's the next season. The comments are still there. BUT Angel isn't sitting around daydreaming about the love of his life, Buffy, anymore. He's dreaming about Darla. He may do stuff with Darla. Do I see people screaming in outrage that Angel, who broke up with Buffy because he is afraid of losing his soul if he is in a relationship, is now possibly starting another relationship (thus cheapening the whole thing with Buffy)? No, I see pro- Angel/Darla comments. These are from the SAME people who went on and on about how horrible Buffy was.

I can't really get too into detail with this, since I don't watch the Angel show. But, as an example, when Dracula put Buffy in a trance and bit her, people whined "How could she let him do that? She betrayed Angel!" Then Angel, not under any influence (and supernatural one, anyway) bites Darla. No "How could Angel do that to Buffy?" comments whatsoever. Double standard much?

So this is where I get my "I feel like I hate Angel" thing. I don't hate him. All the things above only bother me in the sense that they are just as wrong (if not more) than anything Buffy has done. Yet he gets no flack for it. It's an illness I like to call the Saint Angel Syndrome. Symptoms include thinking Angel can do no wrong and hating Buffy for not worshipping Angel every second of her life.

Believe it or not, Angel isn't perfect in every way. For instance, he has that pesky little habit of making a decision that affects Buffy as much as it does him, but doesn't bother asking Buffy. And if she disagrees? Well, she has to change her mind because Angel has decided and that's how it's going to be. Like the whole "leaving for LA thing." Yes, he had to go because they had the spin-off starting, but if we're going to blame Buffy for doing as the writers have her do, we're going to hold Angel and not Joss for leaving. Buffy was well aware that if she lived with Angel, she wouldn't have a lot of things. But she was also willing to give it all up to be with him. That's very noble (no less noble, keep in mind, than Angel giving her up to go to LA- next time you want to rant about how Angel does so much for Buffy and she doesn't reciprocate, remember that she would have if not for Angel's choice). Angel decided to leave, tearing Buffy's life apart, and wouldn't listen to anything she had to say about it. She was "too young" and didn't know enough. If she was so young, why did he have sex with her (she did NOT rape him, contrary to the belief of many people who claim to be huge B/A shippers)? I could go on and on, but the point is, Angel is a good guy. He's better than my dates (I'm sadly a loser magnet). He has good intentions. He loves Buffy and would die for her. But he does have faults. He wouldn't be lovable if he didn't, because faults make you human and we love his human side.

Just remember that Buffy is human too. You have to let her have faults. So many people expect her to be perfect, but she's not. That's why *I* love her.

The really sad thing, to me, is that this affects me. I mean, look at how long I ranted. I'm a Libra and that's the scales sign. Libras are all about being fair and seeing both sides. So when I see a ton of people purposely blinding themselves to one side and praising the other, it bothers me. I think a lot of these people are morons. They're rude, they're obnoxious, and they make me wish someone would invent a special mail filter so I would never have to know they exist. I have tried and tried not to let it bother me, but it does. For instance, I am big on rooting for the underdog, and in this whole mess, who is the underdog? Riley… and Buffy/Riley. So guess what? I see these mean messages and I get this desire to… embrace the Buffy/Riley relationship… so I write B/R fic… and less and less B/A fic. I am at the point now where I truly wonder if I can write B/A anymore. These people disgust me so much that I don't want to be connected to them in any way, shape or form. I want to write more of my An Immortal Love series…. But I am not sure I can.

Anyway, hopefully you all don't hate me. Why did I write about this? For one thing, I'm not alone. I know others feel just as I do and they are reading this and saying "That's exactly what I think!"

Plus, I had to have a monthly rant… and this is what I am bitching about the most right now. ;)

Responses

Jessica
I hate to be the one to break this to you, but these are fictional characters. I love the show and I'm a rabid B/A shipper, but I think that they needed to be apart. As for the whole Riley thing, yes, Buffy needed to move on, but I think that the writers and casting directors could have done a better job. Now I here that he's leaving. Basically, I don't think that Buffy can have a normal relationship. I recently read a story by Deede (can't remember the name) where Buffy says that she's either "too human or not human enough". I think that that is going to be a staple in all of Buffy's relationships. Angel/Darla? That's just sick. How can you be in a relationship w/the person who turned you into a demon. Not to mention the fact that he did kill her a couple years ago. Are they even know? I don't think that Angel should always be alone, but then that brings up the question, "How could Angel have a relationship w/a human women if he can't give her the same things that he couldn't give Buffy?" And, Darla's supposed to be human now, right? So what, when he gets is Shanshu, Angel and Darla are going to live happily ever after? I've always believed than when both shows end, Buffy and Angel will wind up together. Plus, Darla's supposed to team up w/Spike and Drusilla. Um, Spike and Angel don't exactly get a long, so I don't see a lot of double dates happening there. I have o say, the whole split-up/spin-off thing was a good idea. If Joss will put Buffy and Angel together again, they need time to grow. But I really don't see Buffy ending up w/Riley (or Spike for that matter) or Angel ending up w/Darla (that goes for Kate, too).

Rocker
Okay, first off I don't like Riley and this is not because I am simply a B/A shipper but there are other reasons and I know non b/a shippers who don't like Riley and one thing that gets me is that people think I only don't like Riley for that, and personally I don't mind Buffy getting a new love interest (Not Xander like I have heard rumors of, they've had him with everyone) , so I didn't go psycho when I heard about it.
I did get upset with Angel and a love interest, especially human since he left Buffy.
What I am fed up with is defending Buffy, most of the time I get told it's because I am obssessed with SMG but I don't agree. Also that Angel always gets forgiven and once I was told 'because he's so cute' and that pisses me off.
One of the major episodes was Sanctuary where everyone screamed out bitch Buffy and talking how she deserved to be hit. First I am against women being hit because a guy gets angry. Also a year before everyone was against Faith and because Angel forgives her we must? I never liked her in the first place and I stay by my thoughts even now. She's a murderer, and I have a little thing against murderers, call me crazy!
Yes Angel is a good guy but he has one thing that I would never get away with, turning things around to make himself a good guy, he dumps Buffy because he's scared but says it's all for her so if she complains she's selfish, let's not forget that Buffy is a slayer and she's likely to die any day. Then he gives the humanity back, 'how sweet' I read, how sweet how Angel realises that he's scared of the future and of less strength so he gives it up, for Buffy. The guy is scared of relationships, face it.
Now the Darla thing annoyed me, I haven't seen the new series so I don't know what's true or rumors, what I heard is that she's human - he can't do anything with her. Most fans said it's because they have a history and the demon within etc. But I would think, no. Angelus didn't even mention her while hunting Buffy so I don't think it's that great a feeling.
Another one that I think is out of order is that I read people complaining that Buffy can't date some one who's not Angel, yet they write Angel with Faith, Cordelia etc. Which I think is wrong, then I've heard that Cordelia is more mature than Buffy, which makes me laugh.
Angel is annoying me at the moment, he's not this great character they think.
But I'm always B/A, still writing the fics and I ignore anti-Buffy ones.

Jennifer
I completely understand where you are coming from, but I feel that the circumsatnces are different in both situations. Now don't get me wrong, I don't hate Riley. If I met a guy like him in my life, I would be all over him. I just felt that the character was kind of shoved upon me. I felt that Buffy was willing to move on too quickly after what she and Angel shared together. I don't have a problem with Buffy finding someone new, she can't wait for Angel her entire life because he may never come back to her. I feel like Buffy is with Riley because she is afraid of being alone, not because she loves him and I have a problem with that. Riley obviously loves her and I don't feel she reciprocates his feelings, so I feel bad for Riley. That's why I'm not a Buffy/Riley fan. And I hate immature people who are B/A shippers who yell at me when I say that I don't hate Riley. It's just a tv show. But there are B/R shippers out there who get hostile as well to B/A shippers, so neither side is perfect. But back to why I feel the Angel/Darla thing is different from B/R. Angel and Darla were together for over 100 years. The only reason Angel ever killed Darla was to keep her from killing Buffy. In my opinion, there is going to be chemistry and feelings between Angel and Darla. Angelus felt the feelings that Angel did for Buffy, but his were darker, obsessive, not loving. So I think Angel will feel similar feelings for Darla that Angelus felt for her, lust. After all, Angelus is still in Angel. But the point is, Angel doesn't love Darla, he lusts her. I don't resent the D/A relationship b/c they won't have a relationship that B/R has. I feel like Buffy has mislead Riley, but with Angel and Darla, lust is involved. And also the shock at seeing the sire you supposedly killed human of all things again. So anyway that's just my opinion.

La Femme Nibuffy
Ok, I partially understand where you're coming from. I'm a very enthusiastic B/A shipper and nothing will break my spirit of that.
But here's an explanation from my point of view about how everyone freaked out when Buffy got a new beau and when Angel gets a new woman in his life no one freaks:
I believe it's because all of the B/A shippers were still tending a fresh wound of their breakup when we heard of the new boyfriend and/or girlfriend, so we automatically attack the new offensive (being the new persons in the relationships of our ex lovers) and it DID happen. Say No to Kate? Say No to Riley? Those campaigns came up even before Season 4 started, just because it was rumored/spoiled they were potential love interests.
Buffy/Riley came through the haze as actually being a relationship so the RABID attacked on it of course. So much energy has been focused into hating Riley (some of mine has too, yes, I have a problem with his bland character and Marc Blucas' acting skills and his dialogue the writers give him) and since Darla's returned was welcomed with VERY wide arms in the Angel community, most just don't have a problem with it. Seeing Darla is seeing Darla, and we've gotten some of the best eps of all time from Angel because of her I believe. You give examples of arguments and people I've never seen and/or heard of even though I belong to 50+ mailing lists and post regularly at several different boards. I have seen people that are not ok with the Darla/Angel dreams and such though (on the BA_Fluff mailing list) and that's fine. If you're a TRUE B/A fan, you shouldn't be completely comfortable with it, but you CAN be ok with it, because you believe that Buffy and Angel belong to (and will) each other ultimately in the end. And also, Angel left to give Buffy the normal life she's always wanted and he knew she ultimately deserved. No, she'll never have a normal life EVER, but she does want something close to it (her entire quote from I Will Remember You about how she's always wanted to feel like a normal girl) but yet she knows she'll never have a normal life (as stated in The Prom) and if you remember, Buffy even admits herself that Angel is right in the end to Willow and that he is doing the right thing. And about letting some (or a lot, I'm not sure) annoying B/A shippers stop you from writing? That shouldn't matter, no offense intended, but something like that shouldn't affect someone with such a passion and talent for writing. It could be you just don't enjoy writing the couple anymore or you just can't. But I really don't believe something as petty as people with different opinions could stifle an author to such a degree.

Michelle
Oh I so agree with you.
I get so annoyed at those people who critized, trashed, and wished that Buffy would die when she didn't mope around about Angel. That she rebounded with Parker, and got in bed so quickly with Riley. Who stopped watching Buffy just because they realized, shock, she is human and they didn't like to see her human side. How she should mope around, get bad grades, probably wished she would have stayed in her room locked away for the rest of her life, or commmit sucide. When Angel was the one who dumped her. She didn't ask to be dumped. So why should she have to go in to zombie sone when she didn't have a choice. We saw her emotional. Were she just wanted to die. They hated the fact that she moved to an emotional point when she got through days with out acting out. Where she tried to put the past behind her. And they are still going on about it a year later. And with the way she had no control over Dracula biting her, marking over Angels spot. When she made him drink from her to save his udead-life. It wasn't something Angel went out of his way to do. Marking her as his or whatever. Dracula was right, he was unworthy. He didn't go out of his way to mark to the world, she was his.
Anyway... :P
None trashed, critized, or wished (well... besides me :)) Angel when he desired Jeria{?}, Rebecca (we know he did). And he probably would have slept with them if he hadn't had the curse on his shoulders. He wasn't thinking of Buffy when he was around them. And now with Darla, nones doing it to him while he is having hot dreams of her. I mean, okay... there are spells involved... but you fon't see him hating them. You don't see him wondering why he is suddnely getting hot dreams about Darla. {being sarcastic...kinda...} Shouldn't he be wondering why he isn't dreaming of his beloved Buffy.
But nope....nones blaming (I love how Pamala put it) Saint Angel. Who is so perfect in every way, he can do no wrong. If he does... well darn it, his body more than makes up for his little flaws. (hear my sarcasm)
I loved Buffy in season 4. Of course what season did I not love with all my heart.
:lol: Buffy is the one in my case who can do no wrong. Well... let me rephase that, she can do no wrong, cause I love when she makes mistakes, and in making mistakes can do no wrong. HSe is human, adn doing nothing that us humans wouldn't do. Well uh... she handles it better than most I think. :-) And a lot better dresser. :-)
Okay...I'm through. :-)

Tiarra
Pamela, I totally agree! Lately I've found myself questioning the whole B/A relationship. Not exactly for your reasons, but I do understand what you mean. I like to think of myself as a universal shipper. If I like a couple, I'm rooting for them. I like B/A as much as B/R, for different reasons. I'm tired of everyone bitching about how Riley is boring, weak, insensitive or whatever. I think he's a nice, normal guy who can handle Buffy's Slayer status, and that's exactly what she needs. He'd be the perfect boyfriend in most terms.
But die hard B/A fans have to find some reason to trash him, and I don't think it's fair. As for the people who diss Buffy for dating Riley instead of Angel, keep in mind that *he* left her. *He* wanted her to have a normal life, and part of that includes moving on to another profound relationship. I'm all about Buffy and Riley, and I *love* the depth of the B/A pairing. But I do not sit around and come up with reasons why Buffy is stupid for dating one of the sweetest guys she's been romatically linked with.

Lexie
Thank you, thank you thank you.
I don't normally post anything, in fact I think this may be a first for me, but I was just so relieved to read your statement. The criticisms of Buffy's character have been bothering me for months. I understand that people have a right to free expression and I don't want to stymy anyone's beliefs, but I was incredibly bothered by the way people felt free to criticize the female while the male escaped scot free and was actually commended for most of his actions. In it's own small way, the opinions about Buffy and Angel can be viewed as a critique on society. We're all too willing to blame the woman if the man is cute enough (and he's really cute.)
It's also kind of disturbing that people are so willing to attack human foibles. Buffy's character was never perfect, that's what made the program interesting. Television shows need strife to survive and I think that Joss Whedon did a very good job of creating believable characters with interesting foibles that make us cringe or cry. I wasn't the biggest fan of the last season, but I do think that the current season has a lot of potential. And the idea that it's okay for Angel to date (or have sex with) Darla but Buffy must stay home and mope is a really antiquated notion. Not to be cliched, but we're on the dawn of a new millenium, it's past time that the women on television stop waiting for the men to notice them or realize how perfect the women are. They should be allowed in on the action, too. Okay, I'm done now. Someone please take away my soapbox.

Kim
I agree that people should ease up off Buffy and Riley. I am not a fan of them or him for that matter (due to his character and just the way he annoys me by his presence) but people should not hate them or bitch all the time.
In that same light, I believe that we should lay off of Angel as well. I am not pro- angel/darla either but he has to move on somewhat and rebuild his own life.
Buffy and Angel are separated right now and should focus on their lives that way. Why should Angel make such a big deal if Buffy has a new boyfriend? He left her right? But also, Buffy can't get all jealous and angry at Angel for moving on. I believe that in time, they will find their way back to each other. I really don't see Riley and Buffy staying together or Angel and Darla for that matter.
We all should just chill right now and let things go their course. Buffy and Riley are involved, so be it. Angel finally gets some, great. Let's all breath and just watch the shows and see what develops.

Mewlta
Pamela, I agree with you when you say he has faults becasue although some people Angel isn't, he is human. Not in a body sense but in an emotional sense. He cries, he laughs, and he mopes just like any other human being. I love B/A too, and when Riley came along I kept a complete open mind, because in the end of it all all the characters needed to grow and experience new thinsg or they would be stuck in 90210 syndrom. Buffy is also human, she also has faults, and by having experiences like a new boyfriend, a (sorta) new sister, she can become a better person and in the end if B/A get back together it will be a stonger opinion. I just don't want you Pamela, to let the rantings and insults of immature people affect your amazing fiction which is one of the best B/A i have found. I hope you don't give it all up for those people.

Tasha
I agree with your point of view on the whole Buffy gets bashed because she's moving on and she's not mooning over Angel. Well I don't see him doing a lot of Buffy moping lately. However I have got to disagree with you on the Riley and Buffy relationship. I am not a fan of this at all. Sure I as most do have the eternal hope of a permanent reunition between Buffy and her one true love Angel but if Buffy has to move on can't it be with some one other than Riley!!

Jade
I totally agree on you with the 'i am starting to hate Angel' thing . i don't know is it just me or is angel acting really annoying this season. i mean 'i i am mr moody who left buffy to be really bloody noble and now i want to hook up wu`ith my old girlfriend.' and the thing that irratates me the most is that BAers are all taking bloody Angel's side. they ignore major faultsof Angel and pick out the tiniest thing wrong with Buffy.

Terri
I understand exactly what you mean. Angel is turning into ...I dont know...he's just not the Angel we used to know. He's in love with Cordy for good ness sakes. He is betraying Buffy...if you think otherwise...remember long ago when Angel told Buffy to be with someone else....well Buffy was. No one told Angel to start thinking so well of himself, etc. If he wasn't good enough for Buffy, why does he think he's good enough for the "So called Upper Being Cordy". I'm a b/a shipper and very anti C/A. No flames...Im just ranting.

Kristian
Okay, I have no hatred towards anyone when I say this, but am I the only one who thinks Angel is being a hypocrite by being 'with' Cordy? It's not like he can give her anything more than he could give Buffy? He still can't take Cordy into the light, or make love to her, or give her children. I don't hate Angel or Cordelia for that matter but it's nonsense. I was cool with the whole "Darla" thing, but most b/a shipper's should be mad at Angel for his relationships with women beyond friendship because by being with them, he's just contradicting himself and being hypocritical. Angel left Buffy because he couldn't be in a relationship with her or anyone else, and there he is, being with other girls. I hate to use these words to get my point across but if I must "Angel was meant to suffer." Everyone blames Buffy for her relationships with Riley and Spike, but she's doing exactly what Angel wanted for her, and shouldn't be disgraced or bashed for it. Granted Riley was annoying as hell and Spike was/is a messed up vampire. I know I may not have made any sense in this post but believe me when I do say that I am the biggest B/A shipper ever. I really want them back together, and I hope one day they will be!

David
I think we've learned that Angel didn't really leave Buffy for the reasons that he gave her, though he may have believed it at the time. In reality, he left Buffy because he's always felt the need to prove himself and "become" something. And his lack of standing in Sunnydale were major factors. In LA, he's a champion and a hero, whereas in Sunnydale he was distrusted and disrespected.
His attentions toward Cordelia indicate that either he's less noble than he thought he was, or is in denial about his feelings for Buffy. What we do know, is that as much as he professed to love Buffy, he did not take her feelings into account and did not respect her enough to even tell her when he was going to make key decisions to affect their relationship.
I believe that Buffy will never love another man as much as she loved Angel, and she proved that when she trade her life for his. Buffy simply refused to let him die. Angel's decision in IWRY was as much about his desire to be a Warrior as it was his desire to protect her life. If he wanted to stay a vampire to continue protecting Buffy, why is it that he has never done so since?

Nicky
I totally agree with you. I swear, I strongly dislike all those comments about how could he! or how could she! It gets a bit old. If Angel wouldn't have left, there would have been no new storylines, and we would all be complaining about how nothing new happens on Buffy, except Angel and Buffy moping about how they can't be together. And when people are apart their feelings change towards eachother, I'm not saying they still don't love each other, I'm saying there are grey areas in their relationship. They can move on, without really moving on. Get my drift? Anyways, I'm still holding on to the hope they will end up together.

Jessica
I don't hate Angel. I just think that this proves (to me at least) that Angel and Buffy weren't meant to be togther. If their love was so great than shouldn't it have been enough to keep Angel with her? I know, I know, it was for her own good blah blah blah. It's just that I think it's not so much about Buffy being the love of Angel's life as him thinking she is. I mean look at his past he wasn't exactly a great person with great relationships while a vampire or before. I think he saw Buffy more as his redemption. Wasn't she the reason he stopped hanging out in gutters eating rats? He says that he loved her when he first saw her but I think that's total crap. I think he loved the ideal of her. The ideal of her is what caused him to become this great helper but then when he realized that things weren't going to be perfectly ever after (i.e. his little Angelus problem) he bailed. And on an ending note I just want to say Buffy and Spike forever. lol Because I think they fit together way better than Buffy and Angel, I mean Spike loved Buffy without a soul even after his chip didn't work on her and when he realized that he  wasn't good for her the way he was he went out and got a soul. A permenant one. Now why didn't Angel do that? Because obviously finding any way to be with Buffy wasn't important enough to him. And I'm done.

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