"Just When I Started Liking Him..."
January 2001

I fear it's happening again. I might start hating Xander again.

Let's flashback a few years… to the end of Season Two and basically all of Season Three. Xander is this psychotic jerk who has this attitude that if he can't have Buffy, Angel certainly can't either. Not only does he sabotage them, but he has this attitude that Buffy is so wrong and selfish because she won't just ignore the fact that she loves Angel (something she can't help) and won't let him just die. Xander treats her as though she cannot make the right decision, that he is all knowing and if she doesn't agree with him, she is just wrong.

I HATED him during this time period. When I watched "Becoming," "Dead Man's Party," and "Revelations," I wanted to kill him. Check out my badfic section… I did kill him in fic. I felt that he was just an incredibly biased, self righteous, *bad* friend. I felt that he was the selfish one, trying to act like Buffy wasn't human and didn't deserve to have anyone (while he had Cordelia and even cheated on her with Willow). He was a hypocrite and I can't stand that.

However, last year things started changing. I don't know what happened… maybe Xander just grew up, maybe when Angel left and Buffy never came to him for comfort Xander realized that Angel wasn't keeping them apart- they just weren't meant to be… whatever it was, Xander was a lot more bearable. Yes, he was scarce, but when he was around I found him rather amusing. I even admitted that I didn't hate him and actually enjoyed him a bit.

Back to the present. So far this season, Xander's continued amusing me. I know a lot of people don't like Anya, but I do, and I get a lot of laughs out of watching her with Xander. However, when I watched "Into The Woods," I had a rather disturbing thought. Xander was sitting there, yelling at Buffy for the way she treated Riley (when I would say that the reason she distracted was VERY excusable) when it was none of his business and he was actually neglecting his own girlfriend (of course, Buffy points this out to him in time that he can go and make a point to appreciate Anya, thus saving *his* relationship). Yes, I think that as a friend, Xander could step in, 'go' over the line, and tell Buffy what's up with her man. Riley and Buffy had a major problem with not really talking, and they definitely could have used someone to help them, but Xander couldn't even do that in time. I know Buffy was overwhelmed with her mom, but this was months in the work. Had Xander calmly approached her, and (without *blaming* and accusing her of stuff) talked to her about Riley, not only would things be very different now… but I might respect Xander even more.

So maybe this isn't a sign of things to come. Maybe this was just one incident in one episode that irritated me and Xander's not about to go back to being Mr. Know-It-All, but I'm kind of worried. How about you guys?

Responses

La Femme NiBuffy
I agree totally with you on this one Pamela. Now granted I never liked the B/R relationship in the show, but I still feel the way they ended it was just wrong. The extremity of the situation gave Buffy well beyond good reason to be acting the way she was (as she says) and when Xander that she kept Riley on hold-who wouldnt? Family comes first and Buffy's mother is one of (if not the) most important people in her life. Him butting in telling Buffy she was wrong for what she was doing just wasn't right. This was a serious matter between Buffy and Riley. Not Buffy, Riley and Xander (even tho Marti Noxon thought otherwise). Riley even knows this is THEIR problem ("If we can't work this out...") to go through. And like you say-things WOULD be much different now, maybe for better, maybe for worse for them, but we'll never know. It IS just like Becoming-everyone always wondered what would've happened (at least every B/A shipper) if Xander had just told Buffy what was happening. Well he did the opposite and look where it got us. Another broken heart for Buffy. No I didn't like Riley, and yes I was pretty happy to see him go-but I really REALLY felt for Buffy at the end. It just makes me sad for her.

Moe
I thoroughly enjoyed Xander in "Into The Woods." This wasn't the love sick boy of season two or the head strong teenager of season three, but a man that was finally understanding what loving someone is about. His speech to Buffy wasn't him chewing Buffy out about the way she was treating Riley as much as it was about opening her eyes to what she was losing. He wasn't blaming her for Riley's actions or condoning them, he was merely trying to get her to see where Riley may be coming from. To get her to realize before it was too late, that she may lose someone she loves unless she acts quickly. And though I agree that Buffy had an excuse for being distracted, she is closed off emotionally to all those around her and I think Xander was trying too get her to see that.

Xander showed a lot of maturity by talking logically to Buffy and being her friend, not "Mr. I Know It All." He didn’t say the things he said out of jealousy or hate, but concern for Buffy and Riley. I think Xander is beginning too look outside his own Xander-world and seeing the big picture. That is why he was able to realize Riley was not quiet alright, when the others were oblivious. He is aware of himself and those around him, he is able to see other peoples points of view, which in my book shows depth and maturity.

He also gained a lot of perspective into his own relationship and realized that he too needed to either be open emotionally to Anya or let her go. Realizing he was in love with her, he went to her and told her just that. I gained a lot of respect for Xander in those last minutes of the episode and am ecstatic to see his character grow.

Clare
I live in England and series 5 only started airing on Sky 1 last night and I really started to hate Xander right from the beginning enven beofre Dracula got to him he was just so anoying and If he carries on like this then I don't think it would be a loss to the show if he left.

Annie
I disagree. Now I understand how you hated Xander in Becoming and the S3 eps you mentioned--I love Xander too much to hate him, though I did want to smack him with that rock in Becoming when he lied to Buffy. But that's another issue.
As far as Into the Woods goes, that scene with Buffy and Xander just made me love him more. He set Buffy straight like he hasn't done since The Freshman. They got some good dialogue with each other, and Xander was perceptive enough to realize something was seriously wrong between B/R (not that it took a genius). Now I'm the first to admit I'm not a B/R shipper--I really didn't like them together--But Xander made great points about how Buffy's been treating him like the rebound guy sometimes. I was actually surprised when I read this because I thought you'd have loved Xander since he sent Buffy running after Riley (she was still too late, but at least she tried). Plus the "I'm in love with you" scene with Anya made me melt into a pile of sappy, teary mush. I love X/A.

But anyway--I agree with Xander in Into the Woods. But it was much too fast--it wasn't fair of Riley to give her until midnight that night to decide whether she wanted him to stay or not. Buffy had to get over a huge deal, and there's just no way you can expect someone to do that.

Faith
We all know Xander was a jerk during the whole B/A thing because Xander wanted Buffy and was way jealous of Angel, so he hated him. After Angel left, it seemed as if Xander didn't have the crush anymore and stopped being a jerk in that perspective. But Xander's meant to be the comic relief in the show, and the most normal one, and we all screw up. So he was cool with Riley because Riley was normal and Xand thought he'd be good for her. But what Xander said to Buffy about their 'ship made sense, and he said it harshly because it was the only way to get through to her. But I'll agree, the hypocrit thing is NOT cool.

Anonymous
I agree with you. The like, the stages of hate, annoyance. . . and then last season starting to like him again. And then Into the Woods. Silly boy. As if he would have had a clue if Riley hadn't told him early this season that Buffy didn't love him (Riley). Doesn't anyone remember the confusion/surprise on his face? I really don't think Xander is all that perceptive, really. There has been the odd time. . . can't think of any at the moment though. And Xander's always been a block-head about Angel. Calling Riley the "once in a lifetime guy" etc. struck me as so . . . stupid. Grr. Some of the things he said were relevant, like that she had kept part of herself back, shutting Riley out. But I got really annoyed, really fast when he ignores the why. Like it's not important. He's just so . . . condemning. Stupidly.

Dawn
I am in the exact same boat with respect to Xander's character. Most of the times during S2 and S3 I wanted to kill him for what he did to Buffy and Angel. But during S4 I liked him better (and okay, being less than impressed by Riley increased my appreciation for him).

I wasn't sure how seriously to take Xander's words in "Into the Woods". What he said, and the way he said it, are very uncharacteristic. One reviewer of ITW remarked that men simply don't describe other men as "once in a lifetime". And we all know that Xander has had scant sympathy for vampires and their cohorts in the past, so why on Earth would he simply overlook what Riley did and place all the blame on Buffy? It seems to me that Marti Noxon hijacked his character in order to vent spite at fans who dislike Riley.

But it continued in "Triangle". Both Xander and Anya seem to blame Buffy in the opening scene. Certainly B/R had a communications breakdown; it is no accident that their romance began during the silent episode "Hush". But Buffy was kind of busy tending to her gravely ill mother in the hospital and looking after her sister who might be the key to the apocalypse. Under circumstances like that, it's pretty sleazy for the boyfriend to decide that Buffy isn't paying enough attention to him, so gee, he should go get sucked on by vampires! The fault is Riley's *alone* (and the writers for not being able to figure out a more intelligent exit strategy).

If Xander continues to allow his ungodly sympathy for Riley to cloud his moral judgement, my newfound liking for him will go right down the drain. And I hope Buffy learns to stand up for herself, and not just let Xander steamroll her with his interpretations of her character, and let "everyone who's not me" tell her what's what. I'm tired of Buffy being the passive recipient of stunning revelations about herself. It is time for her to figure herself out, and not let others do it for her.

Melinda
Xander...well let's just say if he was so concerned for Buffy & Riley's relationship why didn't he mention to Buffy his unusual behavior i.e. R-blowing up vamps hideout or not showing up for patrol. No one except for Spike knows what exactly Ri did right? Although Buffy is closed off emotional most of that is due to how everyone reacts to her when she does show emotion or too much. Ri-has had a problem w/his relationship with Buffy from the begining of this season, Dracula's bite to Spike obvious interests in Buffy. Everyone including Dawn told him tiny bits to make him very less important in Buffy's life, but did he ever open up & say something?? No yet Buffy is still to blame. How's that?

Paul Shinoda
How can you not like Xander? The guy is quality, and I watch the show hoping that Buffy and Xander will get it together. The guy is devoted to Buffy, and you have to feel for him! Anyone in Xander's shoes would feel the same way, and Buffy doesn't even give the guy a chance. I think the writers should have given Buffy and Xander a chance, more so than the brief episode of Bothered, Bewitched and Bewildered in the second series.

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