Willow hummed under her breath as she booted up her computer. It had been a crazy week, two labs due and a big paper. At least things should calm down some between now and finals, she only had one or two other big things due before exam crunch time started.

She clicked her mail icon. She probably had tons of e-mail to catch up on, it had been a few days since she’d had time to even glance at her inbox. A flick of her wrist and the mouse danced as she sorted through various listservs, campus announcements, something from her mom, she’d skip that one, and wait . . . tmcclay@uoregon.edu. T. McClay. Tara.

Willow felt her heart give a little skip. Tara. She hadn’t seen Tara since they finished boarding school and she’d headed back to the States. She clicked on the message.

Willow,

Hey sweetie, how have you been? Long time, no chat. I know we said we’d keep in touch and I hate that we’ve drifted so far apart. I just ran into Amy and she mentioned you were back in Sunnydale and gave me your new e-mail. I’m going to a conference in San Francisco soon and I’ll have a free weekend while I’m down there. I’d love to see you, for old times sake. There’s never been anyone else quite like you. Let me know, I’ll be coming down in two weeks.

Love,
Tara

Willow swallowed hard. Tara . . . wanted to see her? Wanted to have coffee see her, or more than that? She re-read the e-mail. Okay, it could really be taken either way. Willow turned off the computer quickly and started to pace, wringing her hands. For just a minute she indulged in memories of Tara, her first, her only steady girlfriend.

In fact, though she’d played the field in her first few years of college and gained a lot of experience, she’d really only had two serious relationships, Tara and Xander. Willow let out a little yip. Xander. She was supposed to have dinner with him tonight and she was going to be late to meet him. She grabbed her keys and headed out the door.

_____________________________________________

Buffy tripped up the stairs happily. Who’d have ever guessed that she’d be looking forward to math tutoring? She giggled out loud. Well, okay, that wasn’t exactly what she was looking forward to, but she knew Spike was going to be proud of her when she showed him the test she’d finally gotten back in class today. She’d made the second highest grade in her section. Plus, she’d brought the leopard print nightie that she knew was going to drive him crazy. Maybe they could play Tarzan and Jane later.

She puttered around for a few minutes, picking up laundry, straightening a few books, aware on some level that she was really starting to think of his place as home. Or maybe it wasn’t so much this place as him that was becoming home to her. She opened his desk drawer and looked at the envelopes she knew he didn’t think she knew about, her heart swelling a little. Spike was so gifted, even though he’d never talk about it. When he was hanging out with their friends, rambling about mundane stuff, he seemed like such an ordinary guy. But she’d taken to chatting with Professor Link in the evenings when he was working on his roses, before Spike made it back from his lab, and she’d learned some things she’d never known about her boyfriend. Like that the research project he’d done under Link’s supervision was pretty ground-breaking stuff, even if it was only on lab rats. Not her thing at all, and Link had lost her a few times with his ramblings about the science behind it, unlike Spike when he’d explained it, but she’d gleaned enough to understand Spike was going places. She glanced at the early acceptance letters again. The question was where? He had his choice of med schools, some scholarship offers, probably would get more in the future.

But right now, they were all very far away. As in three thousand miles away. She really didn’t know how she was going to handle that when the time came. She certainly wasn’t going to tonight. He didn’t seem to have made a decision yet and until he did, worrying would do her no good. For all she knew, he’d want to end things once he graduated and that’s why he hadn’t talked about it. She felt a little twinge at that thought. Or maybe she’d wanted to move on before the end of the year was over, he didn’t have to be the only one ready to end things. After all, who really stayed with their first love?

Or maybe he’d want her to come with him? She swallowed hard and slammed the drawer, her thoughts spinning.

_____________________________________________

Spike opened the mailbox at the post office and sorted through the various credit card offers which plague college students the world over, a few fliers, something from the career services office, and then he stopped. An ordinary letter shaped envelope with a return address from the UCLA School of Medicine Admissions Office lay in his trembling hand.

He laid the other mail gently on the ground and stared at the envelope, his heart sinking. Small envelopes were never good. Small envelopes meant the kiss of death, the thank you but we can’t offer you a spot letter. And ever since the acceptance and scholarship offer from Duke had arrived, he’d known in his heart of hearts that he didn’t want to take it. He needed that spot at UCLA, needed to be close to her. It was like a whole new world had opened up to him when he’d found her at his apartment that night and he’d felt complete, felt truly loved for the first time. As much as he wanted the chance to go to a top school, he wasn’t sure he could stand being without her for months at a time anymore.

He knew she was still skittish, still scared about their relationship and he’d tried to keep the intensity of his feelings in check. Popping the question to her and hauling her off before she finished school would hurt them in the long run. Buffy needed to sort through this in her own way, he knew that in his head, but his heart screamed that time wouldn’t change anything. They were meant to be.

He turned his attention back to the letter. Somehow not opening it made it not real yet. Once it was open, he was left with two options he’d didn’t want to choose between. And he wasn’t sure what decision he’d make.

He threw the mail in his bag and stood up. Maybe he’d open it later. After he saw her tonight. Just one more night where he could pretend everything would work out.

He made it to the door of the campus post office, still in a daze, and nearly ran into Jonathan.

"Hey Spike, how are you doing?"

"Alright, how are you, man?"

Jonathan rolled his eyes. "Fine. I’d be better if they hadn’t had that snafu at UCLA. Man, I really thought they’d have had our letters out by now. Course you don’t have anything to worry about, you’re a shoo-in. But it’d be nice to know, for us borderline cases."

Spike cocked his head to the side and contemplated the short man. "What are you talking about?"

"Didn’t you get the letter? That computer virus, the one that shut down the systems here a few weeks back? It got into their system big time and some hacker added another virus on the UCLA campus that piggybacked into their system. Totally ate all their data, admissions applications, everything. Didn’t you get the letter?"

"Haven’t sorted my mail yet today. I’ll have to check."

"Yeah, you probably got one. Anyway, they’ve got the applications backed up somewhere, but the admissions decisions are gone. So they’re saying even the early acceptance candidates won’t find out until December at the earliest while they sort through it all again. So we’ve got to wait it out a few more weeks."

Spike stared at Jonathan for a long minute, then spontaneously hugged him. "Thanks, man, you just made my day."

Jonathan backed away slowly. That had been very non-Spike. Had he been drinking? "No problem. I’ll see you around." He turned and fled the post office.

Spike hastily tore through his bag and pulled out the letter, ripping the envelope in his haste to pull the letter free. He scanned the contents rapidly, then pumped his fist in the air. It was all there. The virus, the delay. The reason for the little envelope. He still had a chance.

Spike threw the letter back in his bag and started for home and Buffy.

_____________________________________________

Angel mounted the stairs and knocked on the door. No answer. He pulled out his keys and turned the lock.

Buffy put down the brush and cocked her head as she heard a noise. Good, he was home, even a little early. She took a deep breath, trying to recover the happiness she’d felt earlier as she readjusted the straps and checked her lipstick one last time before turning to the door. She turned and threw open the door, posing seductively in the entrance.

"Hello, lover," she announced, then froze with a small eep as she realized who was standing in front of her.

"Angel?" Her voice held confusion and shock. What was he doing here? And what was wrong with him? He looked like he’d been hit by a Mack truck.

"Angel, what’s the matter?"

"Buffy?" He looked at her blankly for a moment, almost as if unsure who she was. He didn’t even seem to notice her skimpy attire. Buffy looked at him hard again and made a decision. "Wait here."

She darted back into the bathroom and grabbed the matching short robe she’d left there, throwing it on. Not much, but it would do. She reentered the main room and guided Angel over to the couch.

"Okay, talk. What’s wrong? Is your mom okay?"

He looked at her bleakly. "Cordy’s pregnant."

Buffy frowned. Cordy? Cordy was dating that guy Wes, right? Why was Angel so down? And then the light bulb went off, her never confirmed suspicions about Cordelia and him gelling.

"It’s yours, isn’t it?"

Angel nodded. "Yeah, I think it is."

"Oh Angel, how is she?"

He leaned back, his head against the sofa and closed his eyes. "Upset. Confused. Moody as hell. Angry."

Buffy stared at him, a little bit of pity creeping into her heart. The thought had crossed her mind fleetingly now and then. What if the pill failed? What if she got pregnant? And while the prospect was a little scary, because she didn’t quite feel ready for motherhood, she couldn’t help feeling a little glowy at the thought of having Spike’s child. Someone special and unique and living proof of the way she felt for him. Contradictory much, Buffy? An hour ago she’d been thinking they might walk away from each other at the end of the year. But she knew that wouldn’t happen if she did get pregnant. She watched the pale face in front of her. Obviously not the case here.

"And Wes?"

Angel barely changed expression. "Wes was being quite the stand-up guy, offered to marry Cordy, make an honest woman of her when he thought it was his. Didn’t take it so well when she told him it was mine." He shrugged. "They were on the rocks anyway. What we did, to you and him, wasn’t right. So I guess we’re paying now."

He opened his eyes and stared straight into hers and for a moment she remembered the awe she’d felt when she first saw him, tall, strong, everything her little girl’s heart had wanted. And then she blinked and saw the tired, jaded man he’d become and all she could feel was pity. She patted him on the shoulder.

"Angel, is Cordy keeping the baby?"

"I don’t know." And then to her surprise he started to cry and so she hugged him, letting him get it out.

Then the door opened. Spike was home.

_____________________________________________

He stared for a moment, a dizzying flash of deja vu rushing over him as the euphoria from the walk home evaporated in a heartbeat. Another day, another girl, the same opened door, her in the arms of another man. Him leaving, never really waiting for an explanation.

He came back to himself as he stared at Buffy on the sofa, wearing some sort of slinky scrap of silk that a corner of his mind told him was the gown she’d teased him about wearing so they could play Tarzan and Jane. And Angel, the big sod, was curled around her . . . wait. Was he crying?

Buffy met his eyes and frantically waved a free hand at him, motioning him over. And just like that he was okay. He didn’t know what the hell was going on here, but whatever it was, she was still his girl.

Spike seated himself on the other end of the couch and tapped Angel on the shoulder. "You okay, mate?"

Angel turned to Spike, trying to stop the tears now that the testosterone balance had shifted. Buffy handed him a tissue. "Spike, Angel came to talk to you about something serious. I think he’s looking for advice," she supplied. "I’ll let you guys talk, I’m gonna go change."

She slipped out of the room as Angel managed to get through the story again.

"Man, I know I shouldn’t even be here, but I really need your advice. You and Xander are the people I trust most, Spike. You’ll be straight with me. I don’t know what to do. Do I marry here? Do I tell her to get rid of it?"

Spike remained silent and Angel kept talking.

"I mean, it’s not like she’s some random chick I had a one-night stand with. It’s Cordy. We’re next-door neighbors. I’ve," he looked away, "I’ve been sleeping with her on and off for years, Spike. She’s probably the closest to a steady I’ve ever had, though I don’t think either of us ever looked at it that way. More like friends with benefits you know? But I respect her. She’s, well she’s just Cordy."

Spike gave him an appraising look. "Have you sat down and talked through this with Queen C?"

Angel shook his head. "No. I mean, she asked me to come by tonight. I didn’t know why, she’s been avoiding me because of Wes. He didn’t want her around me, I guess. But I’ve actually missed just talking to her, and I thought maybe we could patch things up, be friends again." He looked away. "She told me first thing, I threw up and then I just left."

Spike rolled his eyes. "Not the best move there, Ang."

Buffy reentered the room. "Sorry to eavesdrop Angel, but is Cordy by herself right now?"

Angel looked up at her. "I guess . . . she was by herself when I left."

Buffy gave Spike a pointed look. "Well, I don’t think this is a good time for her to be alone. I’m gonna go see her. Spike, can I borrow your car?"

He inwardly cringed at the thought of Buffy behind the wheel of his baby, but put on a brave face as he fished the keys out of his pocket. "I can drive you pet. I’m sure Angel can wait a minute."

"That’s okay, honey, I won’t hurt your car, promise."

Spike nodded, unconvinced. "Okay. You coming back tonight?"

"Mhmmm. I’ll be back later." Then she was gone, leaving Spike to counsel Angel.

_____________________________________________

As Buffy descended the stairs, she punched the speed dial setting for Willow. This was a situation where she thought Cordy might need the company of two old friends.

_____________________________________________

Willow looked across the table at Xander, her throat and mouth dry no matter how many swallows of water she seemed to be taking. Did she mention it to him, just a casual sort of comment, like, "You’ll never believe who I heard from today?"

Or should she just not answer the e-mail? Of course that was silly. After all, Tara didn’t mean anything to her anymore, did she? She was someone she’d loved once, but now she loved Xander.

Except it wasn’t that simple. Willow grabbed her water glass and gulped another swallow. Xander watched as his girlfriend shifted nervously and attempted to consume a river.

"Willow, did your papers not go well?"

"No, they were fine." She smiled at him. "Say, didn’t you say they were giving you a new project today?"

Xander nodded. He knew misdirection when he saw it, but clearly, whatever was bugging her wasn’t coming out. He decided to let it go. Whatever it was, Willow would probably blurt it out, given time. Not big with the secrets was his Willow, never had been good at keeping them. He launched in, "Yeah, well there’s this new . . ."

The chimes of a cell phone went off and Willow checked the caller ID. "Oh, it’s Buffy, mind if I take it?"

"Go ahead." Xander dug back into his fries as Willow answered the call. He watched as her face grew pale.

"Oh Buffy, I can’t believe it. Is she sure? Yeah, I’ll meet you. I’m with Xander. I’ll tell him, he may want to head to Spike’s." She closed the phone.

"Will, what happened?"

She filled him in quickly and they both sat for a minute contemplating what this meant for their friends.

"I’m going to meet Buffy. Angel’s at Spike’s, you ought to go by."

Xander nodded. "Yeah, I’ll do that."

They parted, each lost in thought at this turn of events.

_____________________________________________

Cordy looked up at the soft knock on her door, then decided to ignore it. She didn’t really want to see the smirks of her sisters as they patronizingly patted her on the back and offered advice. It was all a little raw yet for platitudes. The knock sounded again.

"Cordy, let us in. We know you’re in there," Buffy’s voice sounded through the door.

Cordelia looked up again. If Buffy was anything, it was stubborn. She’d probably camp out in the hallway if she didn’t let her in. She uncurled herself off the bed and unlocked the door before throwing herself back on the bed. She heard the door open and shut, then felt the bed creak as someone sat down beside her and laid a hand on her shoulder.

"Cordy, talk to us. Angel came by Spike’s, he told us."

Cordy rolled over. "What did he say?"

Buffy met her eyes. "That you’re pregnant, it’s his and he’s very confused."

Cordelia sighed. "At least he’s not trying to deny it’s his."

Willow chimed in from her perch at the end of the bed. "If you want to talk about it Cordy, we’re happy to just listen, or just be here if that’s what you want."

Cordelia sighed and sat up, leaning back against the headboard. "I don’t know what to do. I’ve been so under the weather lately. Wes and I were trying to work things out you know. But it’s never been quite the same since he found out about Angel and I, and what we did. He couldn’t seem to let it go, and I kept overcompensating, trying to be the perfect girlfriend, everything he wanted, to try to make it up to him. So I’ve been pretty stressed lately and I though maybe that was the problem. But then I threw up yesterday, and then again this morning, so I went to the clinic. Dr. Walsh ordered a pregnancy test and once I started counting back, I realized it has been more than two months since I had my last period."

Buffy looked at her directly. "And you were with Angel then."

The statement hung in the air and Cordelia flushed, looking away. "Yeah. Only him. Buffy, I’m sorry."

Buffy shook her head. "Cordy, don’t worry about it. You came clean, you helped me work through this thing with Spike, and I’m happy. I won’t say it didn’t hurt a little, but it’s in the past. I just want to help, okay? So no guilt here."

Cordelia nodded. "Anyway, I’ve already let Wes know, He was trying to do the right thing, but I put him out of his misery. He doesn’t need to be the daddy to someone else’s baby. He was sweet about it, but I think he was relieved. I don’t know that we would have been together much longer, even if this hadn’t happened."

"And Angel?"

"Puked his guts out in the trash can and left without a word. Guess that tells me all I need to know about where he stand on this."

Willow looked at her. "So you want to have the baby?"

Tears welled up in Cordelia’s eyes. "Yes, no, I don’t know. It’s strange, it’s like the baby’s already someone to me, not just a thing. I don’t know what I’m going to do. I don’t know how my parents will react. My mom will probably be so ashamed of what all her country club friends will think. I don’t know if I can finish school and still have the baby. I don’t know how I’m gonna be a single mom. And yet I still want to have her and . . . I don’t want to give her away. I want her to be mine."

Buffy quirked an eyebrow. "Her?"

Cordy smiled for the first time. "Or him. I just already think the baby’s a her for some reason."

"Cordy, I don’t know what’s going to happen, but I don’t think I’d write Angel off just yet. He was pretty upset over at Spike’s, he was even crying. I think he’s just really confused, but based on what I heard, I think he does care." She paused. "What would you want him to do? What role do you want him to play in the baby’s life?"

Cordelia shrugged. "I don’t know, Buffy. I don’t even know what I expected when I told him. Probably not quite the reaction that I got."

"Do you want him to marry you, or just give you child support, or what? And what if he wants you to get rid of it?" Willow asked.

Cordelia bit her lip. "I don’t know. If he doesn’t want to be a part of this, that’s fine. He can’t stop me from having the baby if I want to. Child support would probably help. I haven’t told my folks yet and since it doesn’t fit the Chase image my mom’s so big on for me to be an unwed mother, they’ll probably push for me to get married. But will we hate each other if we do that, even if he’s willing? I don’t want to end up like them, all smiley and happy to the world and throwing dishes behind closed doors. So I don’t know that I even want him to ask."

She got up off the bed and began to pace. "The baby will be due in June, so I’ll be fine this year. But how will I go to classes and stuff next year? And I obviously can’t live here anymore. And what if my parents cut off all the money and I can’t pay tuition?"

She flopped back down on the bed between her two friends. "What am I going to do? Is this stupid to even think about having this baby?" She nodded towards the nightstand. "I’m only about two months along. The pamphlets Dr. Walsh gave me say that if I want to have an abortion, it’s a lot easier right now. I can’t wait much longer."

Buffy shook her head. "Cordy, we can give you pros and cons all night, but you pretty much know them all. It’s something only you can decide. But we’re here and we’ll support you, whatever you want to do."

Cordelia burst into tears again and Willow and Buffy exchanged glances, unsure what to do until Cordelia pulled them both into a group hug. "Thank you guys so much. I really appreciate it." She wiped her eyes and blew her nose. "And don’t mind the tears, I’m just a little overemotional right now. Hormones, I guess."

"Tell you what, why don’t we just have a slumber party tonight? We’ll crash, you can give me a makeover again, like you did before we started seventh grade. We’ll just hang tonight."

Cordy nodded gratefully. "You guys really want to stay?" As the other girls readily agreed, she sighed. "That’d be good. I don’t really think I’m ready to alone with this quite as much as I thought I was."

Buffy pulled out her phone. "I just need to let Spike know."

Willow laughed. "Buffy, I know it’s usually the other way around, and I know it’s mutual, cause I saw Spike let you drive his car over here, but you are so whipped."

Buffy waved her off.

"Oh and can you tell Xan I’m staying too?"

Buffy laughed. "Sure, Ms. Independent."

_____________________________________________

Buffy pulled the car into the drive and set the parking brake, breathing a sigh of relief. She was pretty sure Spike loved her more than the car, but she didn’t really want to test that theory. She glanced at her watch. 7:30AM. He was probably still here. She opened the door and found him at his computer.

"Hey honey, I’m home." She dangled the keys. "Here you go, safe and sound." She crossed the room and draped herself over his shoulders as she planted kisses down the side of his neck. "So much for a night together, huh?"

He saved the paper he’d been working on and pulled her around to his lap. "Yep. Don’t think I don’t want to see that outfit again though, kitten. Course you nearly gave me heart failure when I came through the door and saw you and Angel."

She nuzzled against him, feeling the familiar contentment she always seemed to get when he held her, especially after the drama of the last night. "Yeah, I saw the look on your face, thanks for not making a scene."

"I trust you, luv, just brought back some bad memories. And reminded me that I need to get that key back from Angel. Man clearly has no idea of personal space and I don’t want him busting in here on you again like that."

Buffy giggled. "You know the funny thing? I don’t even think he noticed. I don’t know that I’ve ever seem him so out of it. How did things go? What did he decide?" She began to plant small kisses down the side of his neck again as she wiggled closer.

"Mmmm, I like that."

"Spike, talk, or I’ll stop."

He tried to focus on something besides the building lust she was creating with each brush of her lips and tongue along the sensitive skin of his neck. "Umm, right, yeah. I don’t know. He’s shook up and if it was anyone but Cordy, I think he’d probably figure out if it was really his, offer to pay for an abortion and walk away. But that’s the thing, he never once questioned that it was his, and he just kept saying he wished he hadn’t done this to her. A very non-Angelic reaction, ironic as that is."

He arched his neck further as she slid his hand under his shirt and lightly ran her nails over his abs. She stilled as he stopped talking and he hastened to continue. "So anyway, turns out he and Cordy go way back, been carrying on for years. Did you girls know about that?"

Buffy shook her head as she moved to tease his earlobe. He shuddered as she sucked lightly before nipping the soft flesh. "Neither did Xan and I. I suppose it must be all that history, but he’s clearly got a soft spot for Queen C and I’ll think he’ll come round. He just needs time for it to sink in. Enough about them. Golidlocks, I think we have better things to do right now."

Buffy laughed as he carried her back to the bed. "I thought you’d never get the hint."

_____________________________________________

Willow opened her e-mail again. It was still there. She’d shoved it aside during the time with Cordy, but here is was, staring at her in bold letters, demanding to be answered. She shut the computer down. She had to talk with Xander about this. If she just met Tara and he found out, he’d be hurt. Willow grabbed her bag. She’d tell him tonight. She just hoped he’d be cool with it. Maybe she could invite him to come as well. That could be a little awkward, but it definitely make sure that nothing happened with Tara. Or would it? Her mind suddenly went to a naughty place as she imagined Xander and Tara together with her. She locked the door and started down the hall. Within such thoughts lay badness and she wasn’t going to go there.

"Alright you two, it’s the final fitting, you don’t have to act like I’m asking you to cut out your hearts. We just want to make sure everything’s right for the ceremony. and things will be too hectic after Thanksgiving. So just suck it up and come with me. Buffy and I will be right next door if there are problems and I’m going to talk to Clement afterwards to make sure everything’s fine, so behave yourselves."

Giles and Spike nodded, identical expressions of dread on their face as they climbed out of Jenny’s Jeep Cherokee. It was the Saturday before Thanksgiving and Jenny had mandated that everyone reserve the day for completing the last details for the wedding. The ceremony was scheduled for a few days before Christmas, but Giles had to complete his course grades, Buffy and Spike had to endure finals and Jenny knew there would be a rush on the gallery in anticipation of the holidays in the next month.

Buffy rolled her eyes at their antics and followed Jenny into the women’s portion of Clem’s Wedding Shop, where their gowns were being altered. She had to thank Jenny for letting her pick out a cool dress, not bridesmaid-like at all. One-shouldered, it had a classic tunic look to it and was a deep emerald shade that fit with the warm tones Jenny had picked for her wedding colors.

She waited patiently as the seamstress double checked the length in the heels she’d be wearing and made a few corrections here and there with pins. Then she stepped down and removed the dress as she watched Jenny turn and twist to get the changes made in her gown. It was beautiful, simple, with little ornamentation, yet it was perfect. Buffy tried not to get teary-eyed, feeling oddly overwhelmed.

"Jenny, you look gorgeous, Giles won’t know what to do when he sees you."

Jenny turned and smiled radiantly. "You think so? I just want this to be perfect. And I think it’s all coming together. Thanks for all you’ve done Buffy. If you hadn’t been pitching in at the gallery the past few months, I don’t think I could have pulled this off. And if you and Spike hadn’t volunteered to oversee the gallery the few days before Christmas after we leave, there’s no way Giles and I could have gone on the honeymoon we planned."

She dismounted from the platform and hugged her maid of honor before they both redressed and got ready to leave to check on the guys. Jenny made the last few arrangements with the shop and they stepped through into the men’s section. Buffy peered around the corner and caught a glimpse of Giles and Spike ardently arguing some point of fashion with the proprietor.

"Looks like they’re not done yet, want to go grab a drink while we’re waiting?"

Jenny nodded and the two strolled the few steps down the sidewalk to the Expresso Pump. After grabbing their orders, they settled in at one of the tables closest to the street so they could watch for Giles and Spike.

"So, Buffy, I don’t want to pry, but being in on the neighborhood gossip, I had heard that something was up with Cordelia. You want to talk about it? I assume you know."

Buffy nodded gratefully. "Yeah. She won’t mind me talking to about it, in fact she’ll probably want to talk with you herself. She’s really worried about her parents and how they’re taking this. Have you talked with her mom?"

Jenny nodded. "In passing. I was sitting out on the porch when Cordelia came by to talk with her mom and saw her leave in tears. The rumors are that she’s pregnant. Is that true?"

"Yeah. It’s Angel’s."

Jenny sat her coffee cup firmly down. "Angel O’Conner? The Angel O’Conner recently dating you?"

"Yep. You can do the math. It’s done and over though, Jenny. Cordy knew she screwed up, though I guess she didn’t know how badly, no pun intended, and she tried to help me with him when he was being a jerk."

Jenny picked up her cup and took a slow sip of her coffee. "I don’t think Mrs. Chase knows that part yet. Well. The neighborhood should be getting more interesting I think."

"Uh-huh."

"Does she know what she’s going to do?"

Buffy shook her head slowly. "Not yet. Except she’s pretty convinced she wants the baby. She just doesn’t know how she’ll manage. And Angel’s still a big question mark. He’s freaked, but Spike convinced him the other night that he’s got to sit down and talk with her."

She stirred her drink absently for a minute. "Jenny, Willow and I were talking last night, about Cordy and next semester. We like living in Stevenson, and we like being roomies, but we were wondering if we might should move next semester."

"Move? Where?"

Buffy shrugged. "Well, that’s what we’re not sure about yet. But there’s a little house that Willow thinks is coming open in January. Some guy in one of her labs has been renting it. He’s graduating in December and Willow said he’s moving to New York. It’s cute, we went by on Thursday because she was dropping off some notes. Not very big - but it does have three bedrooms."

Jenny nodded but said nothing and Buffy continued.

"So what we’re thinking was that maybe we could rent it - Willow and Cordy and I. Course we haven’t talked to Cordy yet, but Jenny, I don’t think she’s going to be able to stay at the sorority house after she starts showing. People are already being catty to her and saying things behind her back. And we can help her, you know?"

"Buffy, I think that’s very kind, but have you asked Cordelia if she wants that yet?"

"No, not really. It was just a thought." She met Jenny’s eyes. "I guess I just would want them to support me like that if it happened to me."

"I know sweetie, and I bet if you talk it out with her, Cordy will be grateful for your support. But don’t try to force it okay? She’s got to make the call." Jenny leaned forward. "And to segue in to the momish segment here, speaking of pregnancy, you and William are being careful, aren’t you?"

Buffy flushed. "Jenny! Of course we are. I’m on the pill."

Jenny leaned back. "Just checking. You do know he’ll be there for you if something happens?"

Buffy flushed even deeper. "I know." She stared into her cup. Jenny often seemed more like an older sister or favorite aunt, but even so, this was awkward. She met Jenny’s dark eyes again and waited.

"Buffy, William’s my baby. Probably the only one I’m going to have. I’m proud of him, of what he’s become and of who he’s chosen to be with." Jenny looked at her calmly. "He loves you. I know you know that. But I don’t think that you know how much. William would walk through fire for you. You’re the one for him. I think you understand what that means and I hope you feel the same. But Buffy, please keep that in mind, just how much he cares. There’s going to be some hard choices coming up for you and him. Don’t hurt him. If you have to let him go, do it gently."

Buffy nodded, shaken by the intensity of the expression and words. Jenny turned her head, distracted by the exit of Giles and Spike out of the wedding shop. "Oh, looks like they’re done. Shall we?"

As Buffy nodded again, still dazed, Jenny reached over and squeezed her hand. "Buffy, I didn’t mean to lecture you. I trust you. I do. I know you won’t hurt him. But I just wanted you to understand how serious this is for him, okay?"

"I know, Jenny. It’s . . . serious for me too."

"That’s what I thought."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Spike quickened his step as he saw Jenny and Buffy emerge from the coffee shop. The wedding planning stuff was done earlier than expected he thought, glancing at his watch, and Buffy had the rest of the afternoon off. Jenny had gotten one of her other employees to cover the shop for the day, so they had the luxury of a free Saturday together now. For once, everything seemed right with the world.

He slid up behind her and hoisted Buffy into his arms, whirling her around as she squealed from the mock attack.

"Spike, put me down!"

"Nope, not until I get a kiss. I think Rupes and I have earned a reward for what we just endured." He shuddered. "Tuxes should be illegal."

Buffy laughed. "Well, you look so good in one, it should be a crime."

"You think so luv?"

"Uh-huh. You remember what happened the last time you wore one, don’t you?"

Spike smirked at her as she gave him the requested toll, then lowered her to the sidewalk in the bright autumn sun, keeping her pulled tight against him.

"All right Jenny, are we done?"

"You are dear. Rupert is not so lucky."

Giles rolled his eyes in mock annoyance, but followed along willingly as she pulled him back towards their appointment with Clem.

"You two have fun this afternoon."

Spike turned back to Buffy, a huge smile gracing his face. Her breath caught a little as she watched the unconcealed display of happiness. Spike showed more than he realized on his face, but there was nearly always a guarded expression that tried to hide his emotions. But today, today everything seemed naked and exposed. Despite Jenny’s sobering comments about the future, she couldn’t help but smile back and catch his infectious mood for the moment.

"Well Goldy, where to? You want to catch a movie? Go shopping? Anything you want."

"Anything?"

"Anything."

"You?"

His grin grew even broader and she shivered as he did that tongue thing that always got her hot. "Absolutely."

They strolled back the blocks to Revello where Spike had left his car, enjoying the crisp fall afternoon, the hint of chill in the air, and the knowledge of what was to come. As they drove to the apartment, exchanging smoldering looks and touches, Buffy slid closer across the seat to him, ignoring the need to buckle up in her desire to be closer, placing kisses and nibbles along his neck and causing him to drive a little faster.

But the urgency fueled by the anticipation seemed to dissipate as he closed and locked the door behind them when they reached the top of the stairs. Spike leaned against the door and just watched as Buffy turned back to see why he had stopped in her headlong rush for the bed.

"What’s wrong?"

"Not a thing." He pushed away from the door and caught her in his arms as he twirled her across the room until she was laughing and a little dizzy. He settled her on the edge of the bed as he knelt in front of her. And then, the mood shifted, just like that as he held her eyes. The carefree laughter of a moment before disappeared into a wave of tenderness for him.

"Do you have any idea what you do to me, Buffy?" He slowly traced the side of her face with his fingertip, tilting her chin as his lips brushed against hers softly. "You make my insides twist, I want you so much." His lips caressed her cheek as he slid to her ear and whispered softly. "You own me, sweetheart, body and soul."

Buffy trembled as she turned to capture his lips. She didn’t know how to tell him, wasn’t sure if she could say what he wanted to hear. There were things in her heart that wanted to come out, but they had chains of fear wrapped around them that she was still trying to unlock. Everyday with him made it a little easier to be open about her feelings, but she wasn’t sure she’d ever be able to bare her soul like he did.

But the time for words had passed as the kiss between them deepened. As her eyes fluttered shut and her senses narrowed to the taste of his lips, the feel of his hair as she buried her fingers to pull him closer, the sparks of contact that arced between them with each caress, the kiss somehow became greater than the sum of its parts and she felt the power of his love enveloping her, wrapping around them like a tangible thing.

As they broke apart, drawing in needed air, Buffy rested her forehead against his, her eyes still closed, absorbing the energy that still seemed to crackle around them. The kisses spiraled again, and after what seemed like hours, when she was sure her lips must be swollen, Spike slid her sweater over her head and reverently unfastened her bra,. sliding it down her arms. She thought she saw him mouth "beautiful," but the golden silence remained unbroken as she slid his shirt off as well and pulled him onto the bed with her.

But he was unwilling to be rushed, treating her to more of the mind-numbing kisses as she relished the slide of skin against skin. She felt like every nerve ending was sensitized and attuned to him and thought she might explode by the time their jeans found their way to the floor.

Spike moved over her, his blue eyes shining as he intertwined his hands with her and slowly slid home. She couldn’t stifle the involuntary moan that broke the quiet of the room as her eyes fluttered closed at the utter rightness of the moment, the feeling of completion he brought her. But she needed to see him and she opened her eyes to meet his as they began to move slowly together. Somehow the lack of words, the absence of murmurings and comments he usually made in the heat of the moment seemed to only make this more powerful as she lost herself in the pools of his eyes.

She wasn’t sure how long they moved together, their bodies seeming to be in perfect synchronization as he pushed her higher and higher. She could feel him so deep within her that it seemed they had almost become one body, two parts to a whole that were merging perfectly with one another. His eyes burned her, caressed her, told her how much he loved her and she hoped he could see the same in her depths. She thought maybe he could, for when she finally fell over the edge, falling apart completely as the tremors rippled through her body, he held her even closer, burying his face in her neck as he reached completion.

Buffy faintly heard the first patters of rain on the skylight above her head as she drifted back to reality. She felt Spike shift a little and held him tighter, not yet willing to break the connection or to face his naked gaze in the aftermath of the wordless thing that had just passed between them. He seemed to acquiesce to her unspoken demand, rolling slightly and tucking her against him as they curled back together. As they settled once again, she felt him drop a soft kiss on her forehead and murmur, "Love you," before they both drifted off.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Spike opened his eyes, watching the rain pelt the clear window above his head. The sunny day was gone for good now. He glanced over at the clock on his nightstand. Later than he’d expected, they’d been asleep for nearly two hours.

Buffy snuffled and snuggled closer, so he pulled her in, tucking the blanket over them both carefully before returning to his contemplation of the sky. What had happened between them was beyond anything he’d ever experienced with a woman before.

And he knew it was something he’d only find with her. He wondered if baring himself to her so completely was wise. He didn’t fear her like he had Dru, didn’t think she’d hurt him with someone else. But he could scare her off if he was too intense, cause her to run again, afraid of what could be between them.

He thought he understood her fears, understood that they weren’t personal, but ghosts from her past she had to live with. If he’d watched what she had for years, maybe he’d be afraid too. But he had his own issues to deal with, chief among them being left by the people he loved most.

He knew, logically, that his dad’s accident and his mom’s illness had been beyond their control. They would never have left him voluntarily, he was the product of the love they’d shared and extended to him. But it didn’t make his need to hold on to those in his life even tighter, in hopes he could prevent someone else from slipping away. That he could keep her from slipping away, for always.

What his parents had together must have been something amazing, something so special they’d thrown caution to the wind and married after only a few weeks of knowing one another. He liked to imagine that was the kind of lasting passion he had with Buffy. And wondered if he had the guts to repeat history and not waste precious time.

He thought about the ring that he’d retrieved yesterday from the safe deposit box, his mother’s engagement ring, that was now locked in his lower desk drawer. He let his mind drift for a minute, playing the fantasy game where Buffy wanted to come with him, marry him right after he graduated, set up a little house somewhere, maybe start on a family.

He grimaced. He was such a wanker. She was only twenty, didn’t even have her degree yet, had her own dreams and goals, and all he could think about was her as the little missus, barefoot and pregnant. This woman sleeping so peacefully in his arms, covered in a cheap blanket, was an heiress and would have more money in a few years than he’d ever see in his lifetime. She could go anywhere, do anything, probably be with anyone she chose.

She’d been sheltered in a way, but she’d be coming into her own soon. Did he really have any right to try to tie her down, take advantage of the bloom of new love to convince her they were soulmates? What if he was wrong? What if what was between them wasn’t as mutual as he hoped? What if she was miserable and grew to hate him for limiting her potential?

He’d been raised by strong independent women, first his mom and then Jenny, and it was one of the things he admired most about Buffy, her determination and focus. He played with the strands of her hair as they lay across his chest and sighed. He wasn’t going to hold her back or tie her down. The ring wasn’t going anywhere and it had been a fit of whimsy to even get it out. He’d take it back on Monday.

He didn’t know how they would work this out, but there had to be a way. He prayed they’d just have a few hours distance between them next year, but even if it was a continent, he’d meant what he’d said earlier. He was hers, body and soul, and distance wouldn’t change that for him. He just had to be patient and give her time to see if she was well and truly his.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Buffy stretched and yawned. The pitter-patter of raindrops continued and she was snuggled deep in Spike’s comfy blanket, curled against his warm flesh. Ummm. Spike flesh. Her fingers stroked his chest as he broke his contemplation of the gray sky and smiled down at her.

"Hey, luv, you awake?"

"Um-hum." She stretched again, feeling very catlike as she crawled up him, kneading him as she made for her target of his lips for a wake-up kiss. Finally satisfied, she flopped down atop him as he stroked random patterns on her back and she inhaled his unique scent while she nuzzled his neck.

What had happened earlier had turned her world on its axis a little, and at some point, when she was alone and had time to think, she needed to work through what that level of passion and desire meant for them. She was slipping over the edge, over into that place where he would become the center of her world, and it seemed far less frightening than she’d thought it would be. But for now, she didn’t want to think, she wanted to play, and if what she was feeling was any indication, so did he.

She slowly sat up on his chest, shaking out her long hair as she did so, loving the way his eyes followed the golden strands as they settled across her chest. He traced a few strands downward, following their trajectory to where they hid her breasts and brushing aside the silk to reach the treasure underneath. He had her gasping within minutes as he sat up and pulled her more firmly onto his lap, his teeth and tongue working her still sensitive nipples as she reached between them to stroke his rapidly hardening erection.

Whatever he’d been thinking about so seriously before seemed to have disappeared as she guided him to her entry and sank down, shuddering as the exquisite sensation of his body joining with hers. She smiled devilishly as she managed to wring a few gasps from him as she exercised her internal muscles and increased her pace.

He smirked and flipped her over, setting a faster pace and sending her over the edge rapidly as he caressed her in time with the deep strokes she was receiving. Their lips tangled as they playfully rolled again and she regained her position on top, slowing things down until she could tell he was approaching the end, then pushing them both into one final powerful orgasm. She collapsed against his chest, exhausted and giggled as she heard him murmur a "Bloody hell."

"What, you didn’t like that?"

"Oh I liked it, you little wench. You’re just possibly going to give me a heart attack and then who would pleasure you for hours on end?"

Buffy mock gasped as she tickled his ribs. "Did I wear you out, baby? I though you swimmers were supposed to have stamina."

She giggled again as he rolled her over and began to tickle her unmercifully, trying unsuccessfully to stop his attacks until she finally captured his lips and effectively distracted him. She pulled him into a fierce hug.

"I love you, Spike. You know that, don’t you?"

He rubbed his cheek against hers as he held her tightly. "I do Buffy. I do."

She pulled back slowly, loathe to break the mood, but feeling the time was right. She was tired of turning this over and over in her head, and tired of wondering if the other shoe was going to drop and the happy bubble would burst as soon as May rolled around. If her heart was going to get this entangled, she needed to know just where he’d be taking it.

"Spike, what’s going to happen? Next year, I mean. When you graduate."

He looked down at her as she stared up at him. He wished he could read what answer she was looking for, what she hoped to hear.

Should he take this as a sign, grab the ring and propose? Course it would be a bit ludicrous with his bits dangling and such as he dropped to his knees, but if he thought she’d actually say yes, he’d do it in a heart beat.

He licked his lips, suddenly nervous, then decided to go with something a little less extreme. There’d be time for the big romantic proposals later, if he was lucky.

"What would you like to see happen, pet?" There, that was safe as houses.

Buffy wrinkled her nose. "I asked you, Spike."

Or maybe not so safe.

"Buffy, sweetheart, I want us to still be together. I’m, well, I’m hoping to go to UCLA, but I haven’t heard from them yet. Computer bug or some such nonsense, but I should know in a few weeks. It’s not that far and we could see each other on the weekends. I’ll come home, or you can come up and see me."

Buffy nodded. "So you don’t want to break up?"

He shook his head vehemently. "Buffy, no. Why would you even think that?"

She turned her head for a minute. "Because, I don’t know. You’re moving on. A whole different world and big time important stuff. I didn’t know if I’d still have a place in your life."

Her eyes seemed so open, so vulnerable. What was she trying to tell him? That she wanted a permanent place? The ring seemed to call to him even louder. He swallowed hard.

"Buffy, you will always, always have a place. I never want to lose you, to lose what we have."

She nodded. "So what if you don’t get into UCLA?"

Spike could feel the pounding starting behind his eyes. There had been a reason he had wanted to delay this conversation until after he knew his options for sure. "Well, I’ll probably be going to Duke."

"So it’ll be like when I went away to England?"

"No, sweetheart, no, it won’t be like that at all. We didn’t have an understanding then, we didn’t have a relationship, not like we have now. We won’t be able to see each other as often as we do now, but that doesn’t mean anything changes between us."

He watched her face start to shut down. Alright, something in there hadn’t come out right, but he wasn’t sure what. This was starting to spiral out of his control.

"So what if you meet someone else Spike? All the way on the other side of the country, all lonely? It’s not like you don’t know you’re a very attractive man. I’m sure there will be plenty of little coeds who want to get to know you and take my place." She slid out from under his arm and rolled to the edge of the bed. He reached for her arm, stopping her.

"Buffy, it won’t be like that, not at all. I don’t want anyone else but you. I could care less about other girls. And I don’t mind being alone if I know you’re waiting for me."

The dark cloud that crossed her face made his heart sink. He’d royally screwed things up now, and he had no idea how. Wasn’t he saying the right things?

"So you expect me to just sit around and wait on you, Spike?"

"Buffy, no, it’s not like. . ."

And she was gone, off the bed and into the bathroom where he heard the distinctive click of the lock being turned. Spike flopped back on the bed. What the hell had just happened?

Buffy leaned against the door for a moment before crossing to turn on the tub and draw a bath. What the hell had just happened? She’d suddenly gone psycho girl on Spike and she wasn’t sure why. What had she been expecting, him to propose, to ask her to come with him on his new adventure?

Yeah, like he really wanted some barely out of her teens girlfriend tagging along. And she just knew, even if he said it wouldn’t happen, that some night he’d get just a little too lonely, maybe have just a little too much to drink, and he’d end up with some other girl. Then she’d be somewhere she never wanted to be, her mother’s shoes.

The hot water slowly filled the tub and Buffy added the bubble bath Spike had picked out for her. She almost started to cry as she recapped the bottle and slid down into the tub. Why did he have to be so damn thoughtful, and sexy and sweet and exactly what she wanted? Why had she even brought this stuff up? They had months before anything happened. Why couldn’t they just float along on the tide of happiness that had been surrounding her since she’d finally admitted she’d fallen for him?

And then it hit her. Buffy sat straight up, barely stopping in time to prevent water from drenching the floor. She’d admitted she’d fallen for him. She’d made the move to bring them together. She’d decided he was what she wanted and that she was willing to take a chance on him. Why was she being mopey about this? Who said Spike had to make all the decisions? She obviously taken some chances on him before, and look how well things were working out.

She could make some decisions of her own. Nothing said she had to stay in Sunnydale. It had been great being here, but she knew there was more to the world than this little town. She could transfer schools. She could go with him.

Her heart beat racing, she began to rinse off rapidly. That was the answer. She was going with him. Her allowance would allow her to go to any of the schools he’d applied to, assuming she could get accepted as a transfer student. But her grades had been good here and at Oxford, she could definitely get some strong recommendation letters. Maybe Jenny could even help her, she had a lot of connections in the UCLA art history department.

As she dried off, her thoughts still racing, she suddenly stopped. Should she tell Spike? He always said he wanted them to be together, he’d probably be excited. But then what if she couldn’t transfer? Maybe she shouldn’t tell him until she knew for sure, like he’d been doing with her. She toweled her hair dry and ran a comb through it as she slid on a kimono she’d left hanging on the back of his door.

Yep, this was the answer. She’d go apologize to him, apply to the same schools, and then tell him once she knew something for certain. She smiled at her reflection. Jenny had been right. There were some hard choices to be made, but she was going to make them. Most of her life the choices had been made by others, by her parents, by the dictates of the trust they’d set up for her, by Giles. She’d followed the little path laid out, content to follow the flow because she had nothing better to pursue. But now she did. She had Spike.

She threw open the door to find that very person with his hand raised to knock. He’d pulled back on his blue jeans and a T-shirt and she wanted to hug him, he looked so forlorn.

"Buffy, honey, I’m so sorry. I don’t know what I said, but I didn’t mean. Well I didn’t mean to . . ."

She raised her hand to his lips and stopped him. "Spike, it’s okay. I’m the one who needs to apologize. I lost it and didn’t mean to. It wasn’t your fault at all. I just got nervous, because I don’t like the idea of you being so far away. I want us to make it work, okay? Even if it has to be long distance, we’ll make it work."

His face broke out in a smile, pale compared to his enthusiasm of earlier in the day, but a welcome change from his previously despondent look. "Really? You’d be willing to do the long-distance thing?"

Buffy nodded. "If we have to," she responded cryptically.

He whooped and picked her up and carried her back to the bed, covering her face with kisses as he deftly untied the sash of her robe and slid his hands around her curves. "Buffy, you’ve made me so happy. I was so worried it won’t work out and I don’t ever want to lose you."

"I don’t even want to lose you either, Spike. Let’s not worry about it any more for now. Things have a way of working themselves out. Just let me know when you hear from UCLA, okay?"

He nodded against her throat as he slid further down her body, distracting her effectively from any future plans with the wonders of the here and now.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Willow stared at the computer screen for what seemed like the hundredth time since she’d first received Tara’s e-mail a few days ago. The Cordelia situation had distracted her for a little while, but now in the quiet of the weekend, she knew she had a decision to make. She wondered if Buffy would have any advice for her. Of course she was off with Spike right now, and she didn’t really want to interrupt them. Besides, what did she say? "Gee Buffy, I’m thinking of maybe cheating on one of our best friends and I was hoping you’d tell me it’s okay?"

Nope. That wasn’t going to work.

And there wasn’t really anyone else. Sure, there were classmates and some of the girls at the sorority that she’d hang out with from time to time. But for really serious stuff, she didn’t talk to them. She talked to Buffy or Xander. Or maybe even Cordelia, but with all she had going on right now, Willow thought her problem seemed petty in comparison.

But it didn’t feel petty. It felt really, really big and really, really scary. Like life-altering scary. Like the first time she’d acknowledged she had feelings for Tara scary. Like the realization that maybe she wasn’t capable of being monogamous scary.

She’d thought she was, she really had. When Xander had paid attention to her at that party, so many months ago now, she’d been over the moon to have the guy she’d fallen in love with somewhere back in elementary school suddenly be interested in her. And everything had been perfect. He was someone she could talk with, confide in, laugh with, make love with.

And truthfully she hadn’t missed having a variety of people in her bed. Xander was surprisingly creative, though when pushed on the source of some of his more adventuresome ideas, he mumbled something about a crazy ex-girlfriend and she’d let it drop. But things had been fine until this e-mail.

And since then she hadn’t been able to stop thinking about Tara. About how she’d felt, how she’d looked, about the differences between her soft body and Xander’s hard one. And even worse, she’d been more and more intrigued by the idea that Xander might be willing to let her do something if he were there as well.

Willow slammed her head on her desk. She could remember telling Buffy that she’d never want a threesome with Xander, she loved him too much and those things never worked out well when the emotions were all tangled. She’d be playing with fire to even suggest the idea. She stared at the screen again, then hit the reply button. Time to settle this once and for all. Xander was her here and now, she didn’t even know what Tara was like these days, and she shouldn’t jeopardize what she had. She typed Tara, then stared at the screen, until she jump like a startled rabbit when she heard a knock at the door.

She closed the lid on her laptop hastily and peered though the peephole to see a dripping wet Xander. She turned the lock and hastily let him in.

"Xander? What are you doing here, and why are you all wet?"

He gave her a quick kiss, then turned her to face the window. "I’m here ‘cause I missed you and figured you might be almost done by now, and I’m wet ‘cause it’s raining."

Willow gave a small laugh. "Oh. Guess I wasn’t paying any attention to the weather." She grabbed a towel and began to dry his hair as he started to unbutton his wet shirt. He peeled off the clinging fabric and tossed it into the corner of the room, then turned back to Willow.

She suddenly realized what she needed to do. She needed Xander, this minute, so she could put all thoughts of Tara behind her. Then she could write that e-mail, send it, and move on with her life. Her mind settled, she attacked his belt, working the swollen leather from the buckle and unzipping his fly rapidly, her hands seeking to warm his cool flesh.

"Um, Willow, muffin, not that I don’t appreciate what you’re doing, but did I miss something?"

Willow turned on her sex kitten routine full force. This was not the time for Cuddle Xander. She needed sex and now. "Xander," she purred at him, "Can I help it that I can’t resist your manly charms?" She mentally cringed, she needed to dial back the cheesiness there a little.

She lapped at his chest, catching drops of water that clung to his skin as she pushed the wet pants further down his legs. "You’re just all wet, baby, and it’s making me the same way." She looked up at him slyly though her lashes, noting that he seemed to be responding as she pushed his boxers into the heap with his khakis.

Xander growled as she nipped at him and pushed him back towards the bed. He kicked this pants off as he frantically removed his socks. Willow yanked off her top and hastily pulled off the sweats she’d being wearing as Xander moved back to the bed. She crawled on top of him, kissing him frantically as she ran her hands down his body, urging him to her.

And then he stopped her. He captured her hands and rolled her under him, pulled her arms above her head and pinning her in place with his body weight as he stared down into her eyes.

"Willow, talk to me. What’s wrong?"

She bucked against him, rolling her eyes in annoyance. "Nothing Xander. I was trying to get my boyfriend to have sex with me, but I guess that’s not working."

He continued to hold her in place. "I’m serious Willow. You’ve been acting funny. You didn’t want to sleep with me last night or even see me, and now you want to jump my bones? You’ve been moody and distant and I think you wouldn’t have seen me today if I hadn’t just shown up. And now you can’t get enough of me? I know something’s wrong. So spill. I’m not letting you up until you talk."

Willow narrowed her eyes. "Oh, that’s great. Be all caveman about it. You’re the big man, and I’m the little woman. It’s no wonder I’d rather be with women."

As soon as the words left her mouth, Willow froze, realizing what she’d just said. And watched in horror as Xander’s face fell and he instantly released her wrists and rolled off her. He hunched over the edge of the bed, his back to her as she sat up and reached for his shoulder.

"Xander, no I didn’t mean . . ."

He shrugged her off. "Yeah, Willow, you did." He took a deep breath and turned to her, his face a careful blank. "So how long have you been feeling this way Willow? When did you decide you don’t like playing on both sides of the track after all? And when did you plan to fill me in?"

Willow felt the tears start to well up in her eyes at the ice in his voice. "Xander, no, no, it’s not like that at all. It’s, well the truth is I got this e-mail from someone I use to know and it just made me start thinking and I’m sorry, Xander, I didn’t mean it."

His gaze remained impassive, but he turned towards her ever more slightly. "Why don’t you start from the top Willow."

As she explained the message and Tara’s request to meet, Xander felt his heart start to sink. He would never have guessed when Willow left to go to high school in England that she’d turn his world upside down when she came back. She’d been a cute kid, a tagalong, and he’d known she had a big crush on him. But the new, sexy, self-confident Will had just blown him away.

And he knew part of that new package included her past relationships with men and women. He’d been nervous at first, doing everything he could think of in the bedroom to keep her happy and satisfied. He’d actually thought she had been. But apparently one e-mail from an old flame was all it took to make her ready to go find someone who could give her things he couldn’t.

"So then I started thinking that maybe you could join us."

Xander snapped out of his fog. What? Did she just say she wanted him to join them?

Willow snapped her fingers. "Xander, did you hear me?"

He shook his head. "Um, can you repeat that?"

She smiled just a little. She’d hoped that would catch his attention. "Well, it’s just I thought maybe it wouldn’t be a problem if, you know, you wanted to join us. It’d just be something a little different for us to try. I mean this is assuming a lot. Like if Tara is wanting to actually hook up again. And if she’d be into a threesome, though I know she has in the past. And if you’d be interested. And wouldn’t be jealous." She let out a rush of air as she decided she’d babbled enough.

Xander took her hand. "Willow, can I just ask a few things first? And I don’t want to fight and I’m not making with the judgment here, I just need to know."

She nodded and held her breath.

"Have you been fantasizing about this a long time, about being with other women again?"

"No, Xander I really haven’t. I’ve been really happy with you, and with you know, us. I don’t want to be with Tara again, like long term." She blushed. "I just, her message, it just made me start thinking about what it was like with her. She was my first, Xander, and she was special. And then I guess I got a little hung up on thinking about her and you and then you and her and me and well, I went to a place with bad Willow thoughts."

She launched herself forward to hug him. "Xander I’m sorry. I should have just talked this out with you from the beginning. I love you and I’m with you now."

He hugged her to him, his anger starting to fade, then released her so he could look into her green eyes. Maybe the best thing was just to go along with her, give her what she needed.

"Willow, I love you too, and if this would make you happy, I’m willing. You can contact Tara and ask her." He shifted nervously. "I’ve never, uh, never done you know . . ."

"A threesome?" Willow finished. "Oh it can be a lot of fun Xander, we’ll make sure you have a good time!" She kissed him thoroughly and was about to urge him to lay back on her bed so they could continue when he gave her a final peck on the cheek and stood up.

"Well, it sounds like fun. Tell, you what Will, you go ahead and e-mail Tara, work out the details and stuff. I’m going to go on home, get some dry clothes and look over a paper I have due next week. I’ll catch up with you later, ‘kay?"

He began rapidly pulling on his still damp clothes as Willow watched, a little bewildered.

"But Xander, don’t you want to," she motioned to her naked body.

"I’d love to Willow, but it’s getting late and I’ve blown off that paper long enough. I’ll see you tomorrow, alright muffin?"

She smiled. He’d called her muffin, everything must be alright. She gave him a hug and grabbed her t-shirt to pull back on as he headed for the door. She settled back at the computer, pulled up the e-mail she’d begun to compose and stared at it. Her thoughts drifted back to the confused look in his eyes before he’d walked out the door. He did wanted this, didn’t he? Wasn’t it some kind of male fantasy, two women at once? Or was he just trying to keep her happy?

She stared at the keyboard, then reached for her cell phone. Maybe it was time to bring in Buffy after all.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Buffy lay collapsed against Spike’s chest, waiting for her heart rate to slow. If he was this excited by the thought of a long-distance relationship, who knew what he’d do if she was able to come with him. He’d sent her skyrocketing through the stratosphere on multiple occasions in the last few hours, wringing sensations from her body she hadn’t known were possible. He’d told her he loved her dozens of times and every one had seemed sincere. She felt the fear and tension that had been lurking in the back of her mind begin to slip away. He was for real. He loved her, he wanted her, he was a keeper.

The chimes of a cell phone began to ring and Spike groaned something unintelligible in her ear. Neither of them moved. The chimes rang again. Buffy sighed and started to slip off of him and rummage for her phone. Maybe she’d left it in the pocket of her jeans? If she could just figure out where those were. Spike rolled over and nuzzled her neck. "Don’t get it luv, doubt it’s that important. Not as important as what we’re doing here. Sides’ they’ll call back."

She playfully swatted him. "Alright Mr. Sex Machine. They’ve already called back . .. " the chimes of the phone began to sound again, "twice now, I’d say it’s important."

He sighed and rolled away. She tried not to let her eyes linger to much on his sculpted torso and the sheet which just barely skimmed his hipbones. The cell rang for a third time and Buffy focused on finding the phone.

She uncovered it on the fourth ring and hastily hit the send button. "Hello, this is Buffy."

"Oh Buffy, I’m so glad I caught you, are you at Spike’s?"

"Uh-huh." She glanced back at him and found him lounging on the edge of the bed, now revealed in all his glory and beckoning her to come join him. She shook her head no, frantically trying to concentrate on what Willow was saying. He licked his lips and slowly ran his fingers down his chest, lower, lower, damn, what was Willow talking about? She’d completed lost the thread of the conversation.

Buffy scowled at him and turned around. "I’m sorry Willow, could you repeat that?"

After listening for a few minutes, she agreed to head back to the dorm for a long therapeutic chat. Buffy hung up the phone and turned back around to see that Spike had lost his lascivious look and could tell something was wrong.

"Come here luv, something happen to Red now?"

Buffy sat back down next to him, loathe to leave, even though she knew Willow really needed to talk this through. "It’s this thing, with her and Xander, and someone she used to know who kinda wants to see her again. Like a female someone. And so Willow proposed a threesome and Xander agreed, but I think she’s having second thoughts."

Spike’s eyebrow raised as she finished her explanation. "Well, now that would be an interesting turn of events. Say Xander’s agreed?"

"That’s what she said, but I think she’s afraid he’s just wanting to make her happy. She sounds pretty confused." Buffy leaned her head against his shoulder. "Spike, would you ever want that?"

"What sweetheart, a threesome? With you and some other bird?" He laughed. "While I’d be lying if I said the idea wasn’t a bit of a turn-on in theory, I couldn’t ever share you like that. I’m a little possessive, if you haven’t noticed."

She nodded. "I don’t think I’d want to either. Do you think that’s how Xander really feels?"

Spike shrugged. "It’s hard to say. But if this Tara girl’s Willow’s first big love, I have to say it doesn’t sound like a smart move for them."

"That’s what I thought." Buffy stood up and ran her fingers though his hair one last time before throwing on her clothes. "Guess I’d better get over there."

Spike picked his jeans up and slid them on. "I’ll drive you, Goldy, it’s still raining outside. You want to come back later if you and Red get things sorted and finish what we were doing?"

She smiled. "Absolutely. Spike, I’m glad we talked about it, the future and stuff. I do want to have one with you, you know."

His eyes lit up as he responded, "Me too."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Spike ran back up the stairs, glad to be getting out of the rain. It had turned into an incredibly miserable night. He reached for the doorknob and realized it was already open. Had he forgotten to lock it?

He stepped inside and found Xander sitting on the sofa morosely, having already put a sizable dent into the bottle of whiskey sitting on the table in front of him.

"I am taking away all of your keys," Spike muttered under his breath as he closed the door behind him.

He sat down on the couch and confiscated the whiskey bottle. "Want to talk about it Xan?"

Xander laughed softly. "Guess you must already know, then huh?"

Spike shrugged, "If it helps, Buffy’s over there counseling Willow right now. I don’t know the finer points, just the headlines."

Xander shrugged. "Then you know the score. Willow’s not satisfied with good ol’ Xander. Turns out it doesn’t matter that I’m man enough for her cause she wants a woman too."

Spike opened his mouth and then decided to just let Xander talk.

"I just didn’t see it coming Spike. She’d been a little distant the last few days, but she had a lot going on. I guess I never thought she’d do this to me."

His voice was bitter as he continued. "She wants a threesome. I should be jumping with joy, my girlfriend wants to fuck another girl and wants me to watch. And wants me to fuck her while another girl helps. I should be writing Penthouse."

He made a grab for the whiskey bottle and Spike took his glass, poured him a small amount and handed it back. "And all I can feel is pain. I mean, if this was some other guy she wanted to sleep with, it’d be so clear, she’d never have suggested it. But it’s like she thinks this is just some big adventure or something for us as a couple. But it’s not Spike. This Tara isn’t just anybody, she’s somebody Willow loved and probably still does. And she can give Willow stuff I can’t, just like I can give Willow stuff she can’t. But what I won’t do is share her. I could get through this once. But what if Willow wants to do it again?" He threw his glass against the wall and watched it shatter into pieces. "I can’t fucking share her Spike, I just can’t."

Spike stared at the spot on the wall. He’d have to do something about that later. "Xander, man you need to tell her this. You agreed to her idea, right?"

Xander nodded. "I thought it was what she wanted."

"Well, Xan, I think you’re what Red wants. And if this is going to drive a wedge that deep between you, I doubt she’s going to go through with it."

"I know that Spike. But is she going to resent me? Is she going to hate that I wouldn’t do this for her?"

"I don’t know the answer to that. If she’s loves you, and I think she does, she’ll understand. Have you told her about Anya?"

"Not directly, no."

"Well maybe put it to her that way. Ask her if she’d be willing to let you sleep with your old girlfriend while she watched. I imagine it’ll seem a little different to her then. It doesn’t matter if Tara’s a boy or girl, Xan, what you’re worried about is the emotions. Just be straight with her about that and I think you’ll be able to work through it."

Xander nodded. "Say she really wanted to talk things through with Buffy?"

"Yep, ruined a nice little afternoon we were having."

Xander grinned for the first time since Spike had entered the room. "Well, that’s obvious."

Spike frowned, "What are you talking about?"

"The bed head man, you’ve got it bad. Oh and your place reeks, you guys must have been going at it for hours."

Spike smirked, "Kinda were. We talked though some stuff, long-term after graduation. We’re gonna try and make a go of it."

"That’s great. You guys were meant for each other, I’m surprised it took you both so long to figure it out. Speaking of figuring things out, can I borrow your phone for a sec? I think I need to talk to my girlfriend."

"Do you one better. I’ll give you a ride over and trade you in for my girlfriend."

"Great. Sorry about the glass, Spike."

"It’s not the first one to get broken, don’t worry about it."

They rode over to the dorm and caught the door as a couple exited the building. As they approached the girls’ room, Xander seemed to grow increasingly nervous.

Spike grabbed his shoulder. "Xander, just tell her how you feel, how you really feel, okay?"

They knocked and Buffy opened the door, smiling when she saw who was outside.

"Willow, I think there’s someone here to see you."

She launched herself off the bed and flung her arms around Xander’s neck. "Xander, I’m so glad you’re here. I’m sorry baby, I was so wrong. Can you forgive me? I’ve already e-mailed Tara, I told her all about you and how good things are for us. I don’t want to wreck that."

Xander picked her up and carried the babbling Willow back into the room and Buffy exited into the hallway.

"So, home my luv?"

"Yes, please."

Chapter 24: Wedding Bells are Gonna Chime

"Hey Cordelia."

She looked up from the glass of lemonade she'd been contemplating for the last half hour. "Hey Angel."

He strolled over to the picnic table where she sat in her parents' backyard and nodded towards the house. "Your folks here?"

She shook her head. "No. They went to have Thanksgiving dinner at the country club. I passed. Probably just get sick anyway. Mom didn't protest, guess she didn't want to have to explain about me."

He stared at the ground. She wasn't going to make this easy on him, but then he guessed he didn't deserve it.

"Cordy, will you come somewhere with me?"

"Where and why?"

"Just somewhere to talk. I know I shouldn't have run before, Cordelia, I just had some stuff I needed to work out."

She'd seen Angel lie before and he didn't have that look about him. Maybe he was being straight with her. And this was going to have to happen soon or later.

"Fine. I'll get my coat."

He waited until she reemerged from the house and followed as she walked over to his car.

They rode in silence as he drove out of town and turned onto an old dirt road. He could feel her glare on the other side of the car.

"Angel, where are we going?"

"You know where."

She crossed her arms and dropped it. He pulled into the clearing next to the old boat shack where Cordy's dad kept his fishing boat. Where they'd gone on her sixteenth birthday and he'd taken her virginity.

"This isn't funny Angel."

"It's not meant to be. But it's quiet out here and no one will interrupt and if you need to yell at me you can."

She got out of the car and stormed over to the shed, fumbling for the key that was barely concealed behind an old board. He followed. She threw open the door and stalked inside and sat down on the upturned rowboat.

"Alright, start talking."

"I need to ask you something first. I talked with Buffy, she said you've decided to keep the baby?"

She glared at him, her tone cold and flat "Yes. And you won't change my mind."

"I'm wasn't going to try to. Cordy, I'm sorry."

"Sorry?" She snorted. "Yeah, me too. Who knew I'd end up knocked up with the child of some loser who doesn't care enough to even see if I'm okay? Or worse, someone who I used to think cared about me?"

Tears streamed down her face as she started to pace. "Why Angel? Why? Why did this happen? Why you? Why couldn't it have been someone else, someone who cared about me?"

He stopped her mid stride and pulled her close as sobs wracked her body. He stroked her hair and continued to rub her back until she slowly calmed.

"Cordy, can you please just hear me out?"

She nodded and drew in a deep breath, hating the fact she was giving in so easily. But no matter how much support she'd gotten from Buffy and Willow, no matter how many assurances she'd heard of how she wouldn't be alone in this, it has still felt hollow. She'd missed him, bastard that he was. And they had a permanent link now. She instinctively cupped her belly as she rested her head against his chest and let herself absorb the comfort for a moment.

"Go ahead, I'll listen."

He tried to remember all the careful ways he'd rehearsed this, but they'd all left his mind.

"Cordy, I am sorry. I know that this effects you more obviously than me. Buffy told me you'd been getting some flack and stuff and I know the Revello Drive neighbors are talking."

He rubbed her back and asked softly, "Have you been sick?"

She nodded. "A lot. Not just in the morning either. It's been hard keeping up with class and if I miss another practice I'm off the squad."

He swallowed. He actually felt worse than before.

He tilted her face up. "Cordelia, I'm more scared than I've ever been in my life, and trust me, I've had some pretty freaky moments in the last few months. I can barely keep up with me, I have no idea how to be a dad." He could see her start to pull away and he halted her. "No, wait. You promised to hear me out. I don't know how, but I want to be there for you and the baby, if you want me around that is."

He looked like he might be about to pass out or throw up again as she studied his face.

"Do you mean that Angel? This isn't some sort of holiday spirit thing where you feel bad and then you leave me alone again is it?"

He shook his head. "No. I'm here for you. Whatever you need. Money, trips to the doctor, anything, okay?"

"So you want to be involved?"

He nodded nervously.

"How involved?"

"Whatever you need."

"Does that include a marriage license?"

She was surprised he didn't flinch. "Yes."

She pulled away. "This isn't funny Angel. At all."

He sank down on the boat and put his head in his hands. "It isn't meant to be. I'm not going to be my old man, Cord. You say that's my baby, I believe you. I'm going do the right thing here if it kills me and I'm not going to leave like he did."

"So marrying me would be the right thing."

"If that's what you want. It can be a formality if you would prefer."

"I don't want a sham marriage Angel."

"Neither do I."

"Do you love me?"

He looked away. "I don't know Cordelia. I don't think I really know what that means. But, I respect you and I trust you and I like you more than any woman I've ever been with. I know that's probably not want you want to hear, but," a bit of the old Angel smirk she was used to appeared on his face, "I'm trying this new thing called being honest."

He drew her down beside him and took her hand. "I'm a mess and maybe you want to stay as far away from me as you can. Maybe you just want child support. And I understand that. But I'm going to ask anyway. Cordelia, will you marry me?"

She closed her eyes. She was probably certifiable for doing this. She nodded slowly. "Yes. For the baby. We'll go to the courthouse Monday. And for now, we're not going to tell anyone."

She got up and walked to the door. "Now take me home."

<><><><><>

Click. In an instant the electronic transmission was complete, and, Buffy glanced at the calendar. Her application was just in by the deadline for transfers for the fall quarter.

Now it was just a waiting game. She was sticking to her guns about not telling Spike for now though. She logged off and was about to shut down the computer when Spike came tearing into the apartment.

"Wait, let me on."

She pulled back as he went to the bookmarked site and rapidly entered passwords.

"Spike, what is it?"

"Heard they got the site you can check admissions decisions on back up and running after the virus problems." He finished typing in the information and grabbed her hand as he waited for the file to load.

"I can't look. Tell me what it says Buffy."

She glanced over to see his eyes tightly closed and grimaced at the death grip on her hand. She looked at the screen and smiled.

"Spike, does it mean this much to you, to go there?"

He nodded.

"Why?"

Eyes still shut, he brought her hand to his lips. "Cause of you, pet. Can't be hours from my best girl."

She felt a twist inside and a rush of love at his statement. Yeah, moving to L.A. with him was going to be a good thing.

"Then open your eyes."

He cautiously peeked with one eye, then shut it again.

"Just tell me."

"Mr. William Calendar, you will be matriculating at the School of Medicine on the UCLA campus next year."

With a whoop her opened his eyes and grabbed her for a celebratory kiss, then picked her up and danced her around the room.

"Spike, Spike, you have to call Jenny and Giles, they'll want to know."

He stopped in mid-twirl and grabbed the phone. "Alright, then you and I are going out to celebrate." He gave another whoop as he scooped her up and settled on the couch.

"Hey, Jenny? Guess what I just found out?"

<><><><><>

The beginning of December flew by in a haze of studying, exams, and wedding plans. Buffy and Willow secured the small house they'd looked at and approached Cordelia about moving in with them. She'd agreed and plans were made for the move over the break.

The group decided after they'd all finished up to plan an end of exams get to together at Spike's place a few days before the wedding. Whether to invite Angel had been a subject of much debate, until Cordelia confided to Buffy they'd worked some stuff out.

Buffy hung the last ornament on the small tree she'd cajoled Spike into getting just as the first knock came at the door. Spike cocked his head.

"Would you look at that, someone's actually knocking instead of bursting in, who'd have thought?"

She adjusted the Santa hat she was making him wear so he'd get more into the Christmas spirit. "Well go answer it quick before they do bust in."

"Remind me again why I'm wearing this bleeding ridiculous hat?"

She flashed him with the red teddy covered by her bulky sweater. "Cause boys that are nice get to unwrap presents later."

He nodded. "Right then. The hat it is."

He opened the door to a shivering Cordelia. "Wow, it is so cold outside. There's no way we'll actually get snow is there?"

"Doubt it. Have they ever had snow in Sunnydale before?"

Cordelia unlaced the scarf from around her neck. "Not in my lifetime. Wouldn't that be weird?"

She sat her contribution of food to the night's festivities on the counter and joined Buffy by the tree as another knock sounded the arrival of Xander and Willow.

Spike welcomed them and was about to shut the door when Angel appeared at the top of the steps. Spike opened the door. "C'mon on in."

The group settled in with their drinks and food as Xander produced the tape that had Willow on the edge of her seat.

He bowed at the whoops and applause. "Thank you ladies and gents, thank you very much. It is time, once again, to revive a tradition that had fallen by the wayside in recent years. It is time for," he popped the tape into the VCR with a flourish, "Charlie Brown's Christmas."

A pillow caught him in the back, as Spike yelled, "Sit down Snoopy boy, you're blocking the screen."

"Ohh, big talk, Santa."

Spike flashed Buffy a grin. "Mrs. Claus said I had to wear it and promised me a treat if I was nice, right pet?"

She turned red as he leered. "Something like that."

The room settled down as the classic started to roll, punctuated by quotes of favorite parts and Xander's very special dance.

As the tape ended, Cordelia glanced nervously at Angel. He arched an eyebrow in response and she gave a slight shake of her head at the unspoken question. She wasn't ready to tell their friends yet. He gave a brief nod and stayed where he was.

"So you guys are all coming to the wedding next week, right?"

"Wouldn't miss it for the world. Jenny and Giles are so adorable, she's been so glowy every time I see her. Is everything set?" Willow asked.

"Looks like. The alterations were finished and we picked up our dresses today. Jenny's fits like a dream, it's going to be beautiful."

Xander groaned. "I'm happy for them and all, but whoa, enough with the wedding talk." He shivered. "You're gonna make us guys think you're dropping hints or something." He laughed nervously.

Willow pinched him. "What you mean I don't have a big ol' diamond in my stocking, baby?" She laughed and dragged him to his feet. "We better get out of here. Got some last minute shopping to do tomorrow. Cordy, can we drive you?"

She shook her head. "No I'm good."

"See you then."

As they left, Angel stood and grabbed his coat and waited as Cordelia bundled back up. Buffy and Spike exchanged a glance as he held the door for her.

"You drivin' her home?"

Angel nodded. "Got a problem with that?"

Spike looked at Cordelia. "It's alright Spike, I asked him to. We're working things out."

"Alright. Just take care, got some precious cargo there."

"I know what I doing. Thanks for having us over tonight."

"No problem."

As the footsteps descending the stairs died away, Spike turned to Buffy. "What was that?"

"I have no idea. She said they had talked but that was all, not that they were all chummy. You think he's agreed to help out?"

"Maybe so. Or maybe they're still working stuff out." He shuddered. "Can't help but feel sorry for them both, even if Angel is a huge wanker."

She wrapped her arms around him. "I know what you mean. I'm a lucky, lucky girl."

His fingers drifted underneath the sweater and began to caress the satin that encased her flesh. "Do I get to be a lucky boy now?"

She giggled. "Yep, you were very nice, so now you get to be very naughty."

"Mmmm. Very naughty. I like the sound of that." He took the hat off and set it on her head. "Be back in a minute, Goldie."

He locked the door and turned off the lights until only the glow of the tree remained to illuminate the room. He pulled his shirt off as he stalked back to her and she caught her breath as she took in how beautiful he was, like some multi-colored angel that glowed red, green and blue as the lights changed color and highlighted his pale skin.

She raised her arms compliantly as he slipped the sweater over her head, leaving her in the red satin garment that laced up the front. He smiled as he toyed with the bow.

"I like this one. Very seasonal."

He guided her to the couch and threw his jeans off as he sat down. He pulled her to stand between his legs while he began tracing random patterns up and down her torso. His touches were feather light at first and she moaned as the gentle teasing and fleeting glances built the fire inside her.

She reached for him, wanting to return the favor, but he caught her hand and stopped it with a quick kiss. "Uh-uh. I get to play. Now turn around."

She revolved as he slid his arms around and unfastened the jeans she still wore and guided them down her legs.

"Oh now, luv, this is very, very nice," he muttered as he traced the thin red thong that formed the back of the garment. "Bet you'd like it if I'd just slide my fingers, right down like this and . . ."

She bucked against the pads of his fingers in search of the contact she was craving but he laughed and pulled away. "Oh no baby, we're not there yet. Now tell me what you want."

She swiveled to look at him. "You."

"How do you want me?"

She blushed in a way he found adorable. She might be getting braver, but she still got shy when he asked her point blank about sex.

"I want to be on top."

He chuckled. "Oh you do?"

She nodded.

He slid his hands around her and began to softly stroke her through the soaked satin. "Anything else?"

She bit back a moan as she choked out, "I want it now."

"Demanding little thing, aren't you?"

He could feel her legs starting to tremble and he guided her back into his lap so she rested against his chest.

"Raise up, luv, kneel on the couch."

She looked back at him confused, but complied as she straddled his lap. She was surprised to find them reflected in the dark screen of the TV as the lights flashed on and off, him sprawled barely visible behind her, a pair of hands roaming down her body as he urged her back on to him. She gasped as she felt the head of his cock pressed against her at the unusual angle and moaned as he guided her down onto him.

"Oh, oh, are you sure this is okay?" He was hitting that spot inside her and she shuddered as he guided her slowly back up and she sank down again. "It won't, um, break you?"

He laughed softly as he watched her begin to direct her own movements. "No, won't break at all, that's my girl, ride me sweetheart."

He intertwined his fingers with hers and began to softly caress her as she moved more forcefully. Buffy found herself mesmerized by the picture they made. She almost didn't recognize herself as this woman so clearly caught in the throes of passion, flushed with desire as she watched his free hand pluck at the barely covered nipple that was straining against the confines of the lace.

Her hair was in disarray and she could feel the sweat that was building on them both as she groaned and ground down harder, urged on by his moans of approval and encouragement, telling her to take what she wanted. One final flick of their joined hand and she was gone, screaming her pleasure against his hand as he muffled her scream and she sank back limp against him.

As she panted for breath, he lifted her to lay on the couch beneath him. She sighed happily and flopped back.

"Can I be on top now?"

She waved her hand magnanimously at him. "Go ahead."

He shoved aside the wet thong and thrust back inside her. Watching her take her pleasure moments before had been one of the most erotic sights he'd ever witnessed and he'd hung on to his control by a thin thread when he'd watched her back arch as she'd screamed him name. She smiled and moaned her approval as she pulled him closer and he knew he couldn't wait another minute as he set a demanding pace. As he exploded in a mind-numbing haze, he heard her little mewl of satisfaction as she quivered as well and he couldn't help but smile as he collapsed against her breasts.

And this was only the first round. He nuzzled against her draped bonelessly in sweet surrender on his couch, still encased in the soft teddy that highlighted her skin and drove him wild. He hadn't even unwrapped that pretty bow yet. Spike sighed as Buffy pulled him in for a passionate kiss. Life didn't get much better than this.

<><><><><>

As the strains of the Wedding March filled the air and the guests rose to their feet in unison, Buffy watched as her friend floated slowly down the aisle to become her aunt. Jenny looked beautiful, the simple cream gown offsetting her complexion. Giles seemed in awe as he watched her approach him at the alter. She smiled as she handed her bouquet to Buffy and turned to clasp hands with her groom.

Buffy caught Spike's eye briefly as they listened to the minister's words about love and commitment. His eyes spoke volumes that echoed the comments she was hearing and she smiled as she thought about the Christmas present she had for him. One small envelope, a simple print-out of a webpage, but it confirmed that she could join him in LA next year.

Spike watched as she smiled at him. She looked gorgeous in that gown as the soft candlelight played across her face in the quiet sanctuary. He touched his pocket where the engagement ring rested. He still didn't know if he should ask her on Christmas Eve. They were house-sitting while the newlyweds were out of town and he'd wanted to ask her in front of the tree. He thought he was prepared for a long engagement if she needed it, but he wasn't sure if she was. He only knew that one day, he needed to be here with her again, only saying the vows instead of listening to them.

The minister asked for the ring and he brought the band out of the other pocket and handed it to Giles, who repeated his vows in a steady sure voice. Buffy slid the band off her finger where she'd secured it and handed the band to Jenny to do the same.

"I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride."

Giles pulled Jenny in for a kiss that left them both flushed as they turned to the audience and began the walk down the aisle.

<><><><><>

Tap, tap, tap.

The crowd quieted down as Spike stood up and prepared for his toast. He'd rehearsed the night before for Buffy and had her in stitches as he came up with ludicrous speeches. But he was serious now as he faced the group.

"Good evening ladies and gentlemen. I've promised my Aunt Jenny to be on my best behavior tonight, so I'll introduce myself as she would. I'm William Calendar and I've had the honor to be the best man for the union of two of the finest people I know.

As many of you know, Jenny's been like my mum for years. She took me in when my own mum passed and I couldn't have asked for a better aunt. And right there with her was Giles. He was our neighbor, but he became like a dad to me. I don't know where I would be without these people.

Now, a lot of folks weren't surprised when they heard about Giles and Jenny, in fact most people wondered why this didn't happen years ago. Love works in strange ways and sometimes it takes a while for people to see what's right in front of their faces."

He glanced across at Buffy before he continued. "But these two great people finally looked next door and realized what they had. So we are here today to celebrate their union. I propose a toast, to Giles and Jenny, may their life together be full of happiness."

"To Giles and Jenny."

When the first dance started, the couple took the floor and twirled together. After an appropriate length of time, Spike and Buffy joined them and cut in with their respective relatives in place of the mother and father that would have come next. Soon they were back together again and Spike smiled as they glided around the floor.

"Having fun, pet?"

Buffy nodded. "Uh-huh. They look so in love, don't they?"

"Yeah they do. Have I mentioned you look gorgeous tonight?"

"You look pretty handsome yourself."

"So, I'm told that bridesmaids often get lucky at these sorts of things."

She raised an eyebrow. "Oh really?"

"Yep. Love in the air and all that."

"I see." She glanced around the room. "Well, who would be the lucky guy?" She laughed at his possessive growl. "Okay, don't go all primal on me, just playing."

"So when can we leave?"

"Spike! We can't just go. We have to stay until they leave and the guests go home."

He rolled his eyes. "Can we find a closet then?"

"No." He gave her one of those looks which curled his toes and made her want to jump him right then and there. "Maybe. Later. If things don't wind down soon."

He grinned. "That's more like it."

The festivities began to draw to a close as Giles and Jenny prepared to leave to catch their flight to New York where they planned to spend a few days before finishing their honeymoon in England. Buffy helped Jenny change and then shooed her out to join the rest of the single women vying for a position to catch the bouquet. Willow dragged the reluctant Cordelia on to the floor with the rest.

"No, Willow, I really don't think I should."

"Don't be silly, of course you should." As Buffy joined them, the small bouquet of red roses came sailing through the air and straight at Cordelia, who instinctively grabbed the flying object. The other girls were delighted as she stared at the flowers in her hand, teasing her about being next.

Traditions complete, the couple was showered with birdseed as they rushed to the limo and roared off into the night. The guests began to slowly depart one by one and Buffy and Spike were soon left with just a few folks swaying to the tunes still being played while they gathered with their friends round one of the tables.

"Gorgeous wedding, just perfect." Willow said as she drained the last of the champagne. She hiccuped, "Mmkay, think I've had enough. Take me home Xander-bear?"

"Sure thing muffin." He scooped her into his arms and straightened up as Angel ran up to where the others sat.

"Guys, have you seen Cordy?"

Buffy looked up from her snuggled position on Spike's lap. "No, I think she left a while back Angel. She looked kind of tired."

Angel looked panicked. "No, she came with me, I was suppose to take her home, but she disappeared about thirty minutes ago and I can't find her."

Buffy stood up, swaying lightly. "Maybe she's in the bathroom, I'll go check. Want to come with Willow?"

"Sure, put me down baby."

The two girls started for the bathroom while Angel continued to pace nervously. Xander frowned. "Angel, it's great how you're stepping up and all, but man, chill. Cordy's probably just feeling a little under the weather."

Angel stopped and glared at him "That's just it, she's been feeling bad all day. I told her we shouldn't come, but she insisted."

The three men turned as Willow came racing towards them. "Guys, find a phone quick, call 911. Cordy's passed out and bleeding in the bathroom. I . . . I think something may be wrong with the baby."

<><><><><>

Angel stood by the bedside of his wife and held her hand as he fought back the urge to bawl like a child. The doctor had just come in and delivered the news. She'd lost the baby, spontaneous miscarriage, sometimes happened in the first trimester. Cordelia would be fine, but she'd need time to heal.

He looked at the purple circles under her eyes that marred her face. Was this his fault? Had he caused to much stress for her, could he have changed something and saved the baby?

As he ran his thumb over the ringer finger of her left hand, he pulled the gold band he'd gotten her for Christmas out of his pocket and slowly slid it in place. He doubted she'd leave it on when she regained consciousness. He doubted she'd even want to see him again. They hadn't slept together, she could easily get the marriage annulled now and then it would all be over and they could just go on with their lives.

Except it would never be the same. He'd never be able to forget the wonder of the one doctor's visit he'd made with her, when she'd explained about how his baby was growing. Or the tiny sleeper with a football embroidered on the front that he'd foolishly bought last week and wrapped as a Christmas gift for her and the baby. Or the way she'd looked lying on that cold tile floor with blood pooled beneath her.

Angel knelt beside the bed and wept.

<><><><><>

"Sir, sir? Wake up."

Angel jumped as the nurse gently shook his shoulder. "Sir, you're going to have to leave, visiting hours are over."

He rubbed a hand over his face, trying to clear his head. "I thought family was allowed to stay?"

The nurse looked at him puzzled. "Are you her brother? You aren't listed on her chart."

"No, I'm her husband."

The nurse gave him a strange look. "Sir, her records say that Miss Chase isn't married, she was very specific about that at her first appointment with the OB-GYN."

He looked down at the gold ring he'd slid on her finger. So she hadn't listed him as her contact, even after the ceremony. He sighed. "I'll go. When can I come back?"

"She'll be released tomorrow according to her chart. Try to go get some sleep, she's going to be alright."

Angel adjusted the flowers he'd gotten from the gift shop so she could see them more easily when she woke up and stood up. He'd be back first thing tomorrow.

But when he walked in the hospital at the start of visiting hours, he found the room empty, the sheets being changed by a young nurse.

"Cordelia Chase? The girl who was in this room."

The woman looked up from her task. "Oh that poor girl that lost her baby? Her parents just came and checked her out." He turned and started to walk from the room when he noticed an envelope still laying on the small dresser where the flowers had been. She'd scribbled out her name that he'd written on the outside of the card and written his instead. He ripped open the envelope.

Inside was a thin gold band.

<><><><><>

It was a quiet couple that sat beneath the Christmas tree that night to exchange presents. They'd visited Cordelia at her parents' house that afternoon and she'd been awake and able to talk, almost back to normal. Buffy had been surprised at how composed she'd seemed, even laughing a little at one of Xander's lame jokes. Angel had been noticeably absent and no one had brought him up, though his car was visible out the window in the driveway next door.

Buffy sorted through the presents and made little piles, gifts for their friends that would be opened tomorrow, a few things for Jenny and Giles that they'd open when they can back. She was surprised to find nothing from Spike under the tree as she finished. He watched as she finished her shuffling and shifted over beside him.

"No presents for Buffy?"

He reached forward and quietly stroked her face. "I have your present sweetheart. It's just kind of small, didn't want it to get lost under there."

He started to reach into his pocket and then stopped. "Buffy, I love you. The last few months have meant the world to me. I need you to know that. Taking Cordy to the hospital last night, what happened to her, it brought back a lot of memories. Life is short Buffy. We both know that too well. You don't know if you're going to get another day no matter how young you are, no matter how much you have to lose. And I don't want to waste another minute of it without you."

He reached into his pocket and pulled out the delicate ring.

"Luv, I know I don't have much to offer you. You make it easy to forget sometimes, but you have a fortune waiting for you. You could be jetting round living the high life and find someone better than a poor student. I'm probably never going to be a rich man. But I can promise no one will ever love you more than I will. Nothing in the world would make me happier than if you would marry me, Buffy Anne Summers."

She stared down at the diamond sparkling in his hand as it caught the lights of the tree in its facets. She was speechless as she looked up to find tears sparkling in his eyes as well. "It doesn't have to be right now, I'll wait as long as we need to. I just want you to have this, to know I'm committed to you."

She realized that he thought she was going to refuse and found her voice. "Spike, the answer is yes."

"Really?"

He grabbed her in a huge hug as he rained kisses over her face. "Do you mean it?"

"Yes, William, I'll marry you. Now let me see the pretty ring."

His fingers trembled a little as he slid the ring on to her hand and they admired the way it shone on her finger.

"Spike, how soon were you wanting to get married?"

"It's up to you, sweetheart. We can wait until you finish school if you want."

"Well, how about you open your present and then we'll decide."

She handed him the simple envelope and he gave her a puzzled look as he slid the flap open. He stared at the page he extracted for a moment and then back at her.

She nodded.

"When did you do this?"

"A while ago."

"So you wanted to come with me all along?"

She nodded again. He pulled her back to him and stretched out in front of the tree as they watched the lights twinkle and softly explored one another.

"Buffy, thank you. I think that's about the best gift I've ever received."

She snuggled closer. "I think I have to say the same."

Chapter 25: Epilogue

August 2002

"So that's everything?" Giles wiped the sweat from his forehead as they managed to secure the trunk latch.

"I think so."

Spike turned and groaned as Buffy made her way down the porch stairs. "Sweetheart, there's no way that's going to fit. We're not moving to Alaska, we can get it the next time we're here."

She batted her eyes. "But honey, I need these clothes."

"If you can find a way to squeeze them in, be my guest."

Jenny appeared on the porch. "William, Rupert, do you want a glass of water?"

"Yes, please," the two echoed in chorus.

She reappeared shortly with the glasses and then moved to assist Buffy as she tried to reorganize the car to accommodate one more bag.

"Women."

"That's the truth. Can't live with'm, couldn't live without mine."

Giles smiled at Spike as he drained his glass. "You know we're proud of you William. Both of you. Even after that little stunt this summer. You're going to do well in L.A."

Spike flushed a little. "I hope so. And I'll take care of her, won't let her down."

"And she'll do the same for you."

"Spike, honey, I think I got it," Buffy crowed as she came around the car. "Hey, why the long faces?"

"No long faces. Don't know how you got that in there."

She stood on her toes and kissed his cheek. "Feminine ingenuity."

And suddenly it was that moment where the good-byes had to be said. Hugs were exchanged, promised to visit soon and tears barely suppressed as Giles and Jenny watched the hatchlings that they'd been given get ready to fly away.

With a final wave, they stood on the front porch as the car turned onto Revello and drove down the street.

Jenny wiped her eyes. "It's not the first time they've left Rupert, why is this so hard?"

He kissed the top of his wife's head lovingly. "Because this time it's for real. They're ready though."

"Are we?"

"Ready to let them go? As much as parents ever are I suppose."

"Thank you for helping me raise my boy, Rupert."

He smiled. "And thank you for helping with my girl."

He bent and their lips met in a kiss.

~~~~~~~~~~

"So pet, whose turn is it to have control of the stereo?"

She wrinkled her nose. "No punk, you promised. Besides, I thought maybe you and I could just talk." She slid across the seat and snuggled against his side. "Everything's been so busy lately, I feel like we've barely gotten to see each other the last week."

"Well, we could have talked last night, but someone seemed to have other things on their mind." He laughed, loving the way she still blushed at his innuendo. "And other uses for their mouth, which were greatly appreciated."

"Yeah, well, not doing that while you're driving on the freeway, mister." Ignore his feigned groan of disappointment, she steered the conversation back around.

"So what happened with Angel's little send-off?"

"Not much. Wish things hadn't been so awkward, would have been nice to have the group together one last time, but certainly understand that Cordy wouldn't have wanted to be there."

"Is he excited?"

"Sort of. He still wishes he'd have gotten an NFL draft spot, but considering how much he fell apart there at the end of the season and such, he was lucky to get into the European league."

"Which team is he playing for again?"

"Scottish Claymores, I think that's their name. He's hoping he can do well enough to get back over here and play pro. Suppose at least he still gets to play this way. He's nervous though."

"He's never been quite the same, has he?"

"No, never seen a bloke take a hit quite that hard. Almost broody. Never would have thought that Angel would have been so broke up over something like that. It sounds harsh, but I'd have thought he would have been relieved."

"I think I know why."

"Oh?"

"You know last weekend, after we finished unpacking Cordy at her new apartment and you and Xander headed on back? Well, we made a bunch of margaritas and were just unpacking boxes, and stuff, kind of our last slumber party you know."

"Uh-huh."

"So Willow started teasing her that she moved to San Francisco so she could stalk Wesley again, you know he moved back there to work for one of his dad's businesses. Well, Cordy was joking about it at first and swore it was just for the design school and to have a change of pace."

Buffy traced the band beneath her engagement ring as she continued. "Willow made some crack about me jinxing Cordy catching the bouquet at the wedding when we eloped this summer, but that she was still trying to snag Mr. Right. And Spike, she just lost it. I guess she'd had just enough to hit the crying stage, but it was like the floodgates opened. Turns out we weren't the first. She and Angel actually got married."

He gasped. "They were married?"

Buffy nodded. "She got it annulled after she lost the baby and just stonewalled him after that. Wouldn't talk to him or anything. You remember how mopey he was for so long. She said he kept trying to get her to talk with him, and started telling her he loved her and wanted to make things right. They had it out sometime at the end of January and that's when she decided she was leaving town. She said she loved him, but couldn't let him break her heart again and she knew she had to make a real change, get some space or they'd have ended up back together."

Spike nodded. "That explains a lot. Feel sorry for the both of them. Maybe they'll be able to start over now."

"I hope so. Xander got all settled in yesterday right?"

"Yep. He and Will are trying the domestic bliss route, though I think he's still a little nervous about living with her. She's already getting offers from a lot of schools for her post-graduate work and he's not sure where that leaves them. But they've got this year to work stuff out."

"That's good." Buffy laid her head against his shoulder and watched the highway.

"Pet?"

"Yes?"

"Are you sorry about what we did? 'Bout running off to Vegas and getting married instead of the big wedding like Jenny and Giles had?"

Buffy shrugged. "I guess a teensy part of me wishes it had been more elaborate. But hey, it was my idea, wasn't it?"

"I know. But Buffy, we didn't have to. I'd have been happy to wait."

"I know, Spike. It's just everything was so crazy, with you graduating and everyone moving, and you saw how complicated all that stuff was to plan a big to-do."

She sat up and looked at him, even though he couldn't meet her eyes for more than a brief glance as he navigated the road.

"I was just ready. I was really scared for a long time about what was best for me, about if I could really love someone and more importantly it I could trust them with my heart. And I knew when I woke up that day that all my questions had been answered, you were in my heart and you were there to stay. So yeah, I know everyone thought we were crazy, but it was right for us. So I don't regret it."

She bit her lip and then continued, "Spike, I don't want you to think that I thought getting married would make everything like a big fairy tale ending, cause I don't. I know there's gonna be stuff in the future, and there'll be times when we fight or misunderstand each other or screw up. And there's all kinds of stuff we can't control, like what happened to our parents. But the one thing I'm know for sure, is that my life is better with you in it. And I wanted you to know that I meant that. So I'm very proud to be your wife."

He pulled her back against him and smiled. "You take my breath away, Buffy, you always have. Love you, sweetheart."

"Love you too."

They rode on in silence, content in each other's company until Spike exited the freeway and followed the twists and turns to the small house near the campus they had found.

He pulled into the driveway and looked her in the eyes. "I think we're finally home."

THE END