“I’m not a bleedin’ baby sitter, Little Bit.  I just thought you might need someone to take your mind off being hurt.”

Dawn smiled.  This was great, maybe they could play cards like they used to.  “How fast can you get here?”

“Gimme 20 minutes.”

“I’ll leave the front door open.”

Two hours later Dawn was lying on the couch covered with a knitted afghan watching She’s All That on cable and eating chicken fingers with mustard.  When Buffy came in Dawn looked surprised to see her back so soon.

Buffy smiled at her little sister and went over to her side.  “Hey, Dawnie.  You must be feeling better.  You made your favorite food.”

As Buffy snagged a chicken finger and took a bite, Dawn looked towards the kitchen.  “Well, actually . . .”

Before Dawn could finish her thought Spike walked into living room carrying a drink and a prescription bottle.  “All right, Nibblet, here’s your freshly brewed iced tea and some medicine for the pain. . .”

Buffy stood up and went into her typical defensive mode.  “What are you doing here?”

Spike put the glass and pill bottle down on the coffee table.  “I came to look after Dawn.  She was alone and bored and obviously hungry so I . . .”

“So you just invited yourself over.  I know what you’re doing and it’s not going to work.”

Spike crossed his arms and smirked at the Slayer.  “And what am I doing now?”

Buffy grabbed his shirt and dragged him into the dining room.  “You’re using my little sister to get to me!  And it’s not going to work.”

Spike puffed himself up and leaned into her face.  He lowered his voice to just barely above a whisper.  “I don’t need to use Dawn to get to you, pet.  I’ve already gotten there.”

“Buffy?”  Dawn called from the other room.  “Don’t yell at him!  I asked him to come over.”

Buffy sneered at the vampire in her house.  “Get out.”

Spike walked out of the room and grabbed his coat.  Going over to Dawn he patted her head lightly and smiled.  “Take care, Sweet Pea.”

Dawn smiled.  “Thanks, Spike.”

“Anytime.”

Spike glared at Buffy as he turned and walked down the hall through the kitchen to the back door.  Buffy followed him outside into the twilight evening.

“You have no right coming here without my permission.”

“And you have no right to waltz into my crypt any time you bloody well feel like it, but you do!”

“I have had it with your shit, Spike!”

“And I’ve had it with your being a bleedin’ bitch to me all the time!”

“I am not a bitch to you all the time!”

“That’s right, you only decide to be pleasant when you want something from me.”

“Well what I want from you now is to stay the hell away from me and my sister!”

Spike grabbed Buffy by the shoulders and pulled her close to his body.  “Fine!  Go it alone!  But don’t come crying to me when she runs off again or one of your mates almost gets her killed!”

Buffy tried to speak but she couldn’t, his mouth was too close to hers.  He was completely throwing her off again.  Suddenly his hands were in her hair and his fingers massaging her scalp as he leaned in closer.  “If you’d just let me, I could help you take care of her.  I could be the one to make it all right.  I can be more than just a roll in the hay, luv.  I could be your lover and I could be her. . .”

Buffy roughly pushed him away.  “Be her what?  Her Daddy?”

“Well, God knows she needs one!  She also needs a bleedin’ leash, but I think you lot would frown on that.”

“We’re fine by ourselves.  We don’t need your help.” She lied.

Spike nodded and smiled.  “You just keep tellin’ yourself that.  When you come to your senses, you know where I’ll be.”

Buffy sighed.  “Whatever.”

Spike kissed her hard on the lips and forced his tongue into her mouth.  Within one second Buffy was responding to his invasion with equal intensity.  Her hands grasped at his waist pulling him closer grinding herself against him.  And with that Spike broke the kiss and pushed her away.  Turning away from her he stalked away.  “Yeah, Slayer, whatever.”

Buffy couldn’t believe it.  He just left!  *  That arrogant son of a bitch!  *  Before she could stop herself the Slayer yelled back at the vampire now disappearing behind the bushes.  “Yeah, well you suck, Spike!”  *  Oh my God!  How lame was that come back?  *

The next morning Willow was alone in the house.  Buffy had gone to take Dawn to school and explain why her little sister had been absent the past two days.  Willow still felt like Hell, the withdrawal symptoms hadn’t dissipated yet and she couldn’t sleep for more than an hour at a time.

She was just about to make herself some pancakes when the back door opened to reveal a very excited Amy.

“Willow!  Oh my God!  Have I got something for you!”

“Amy?  What are you doing here?”

Amy set a small jewelry box on the counter and slid it over to Willow.  “I heard what happened with you and your friends so I brought you a present.”

Willow opened the velvet box and looked at glittering amethyst ring inside.  “Wow.  It’s pretty.”

Amy smiled.  “I know and it’s the answer to your problems.”

Willow gave Amy a wary look.  “How is a ring the answer?”

“It’s magic.  All you have to do is put it on and make a wish.  You can wish for anything including changing the last few days.  You can reverse time, change the universe, be whatever you want to be, but it’s only good for one wish.”

Willow’s anger bubbled up in her throat.  “No.  No more magic, I’m done, Amy.”

Amy laughed.  “Done?  How can you say that?  This can make all your problems disappear, then you can be done, if that’s what you really want.”

“God damn it, Amy!  Do you know what I did?  Really?  I hurt my friends!  People I love more than anything!  And you want me to do more magic?  How the Hell do you think I got into this mess in the first place?  I told you, I’m done!”

Amy backed away from Willow’s furious declaration.  “OK, OK, geez!  I was only trying to help!”

Willow held the box out to Amy.  “Here.  Take this away.”

Amy shook her head.  “No, you keep it.  Just in case you change your mind.”  Amy then gave Willow a knowing smile and slipped out the back door.

Willow sat staring at the ring in its box.  She picked it up out of the box and examined it carefully.  It was true what Amy had said; she was only trying to help.  Problem was this wasn’t the kind of help Willow needed.  “I can’t fix this with magic.  I can’t.”

Willow’s eyes filled with tears as she put the ring back in the box and threw it into the garbage pail underneath the sink.  Then she turned to go back upstairs to take a shower, she suddenly had lost her appetite for pancakes.

Dawn Summers arrived home after school that day to an empty house.  The note in the kitchen said that Buffy and Willow were at the Magic Shop and would be home by dinnertime.

“Alone again.  Surprise, surprise!”  Dawn sighed as she opened the refrigerator to get herself a drink.  She searched it only to find that the iced tea Spike had made for her yesterday was gone.  She picked up the carton of orange juice and poured herself a half an inch of juice into her glass!  Staring at the empty carton in her hand, Dawn’s frustration rose.  “Damn it!  That’s right!  I just swore, but no one’s here to care so . . . God Fucking Damn it!”

Dawn opened the cabinet underneath the sink and savagely threw the empty carton into the garbage only to have the carton bounce out again onto the floor.  “Shit!”

Dawn stopped a moment and took a deep breath.  Her arm was hurting her again and she needed to take her medicine.  As she picked up the carton to put it back in the garbage she noticed a small velvet jewelry box sitting there on top of an empty box macaroni and cheese.  Dawn picked it up and threw away her orange juice carton gently this time.  Opening the jewelry box she was blown away by how pretty the amethyst ring nestled in its velvet slot was.  “Whoa!  Who would throw out such a pretty ring?”  Dawn took it out of the box and tried it on her ring finger – a perfect fit.  “Well, it’s not like it’s stealing, this time.  If anybody asks I’ll tell them the truth; finders keepers.”

Dawn waited and waited for Buffy and Willow to return from the Magic Shop, but it was already 7:30 and she had been starving.  Dawn sat on the couch with the remote in one hand and a hot pocket in the other.  *  Stupid frozen dinners!  Even my cooking is better than this!  *

Buffy ran through the front door with Willow in tow.  “Sorry we’re late, Dawn!  We brought pizza!”

Dawn threw them her most scowling look.  “Not hungry.”  Dawn tossed her half eaten lukewarm hot pocket onto the plate on the coffee table and sprinted up the stairs.

Willow pouted at Buffy.  “It’s ‘cause I’m here.  I’m sorry, so sorry.  I’m gonna go.”

Buffy put her hand on Willow’s arm.  “No, you don’t have to go anywhere.”

Willow began to choke back on her tears.  “No, ya know, I think I’m gonna go visit my parents.  I haven’t been around to see them in a while and maybe I’ll just crash there tonight.”

“Will, you don’t have to. . . she’s probably more pissed at me for not calling and leaving her alone, again.”

“No, Buffy, I think I need to go, just for tonight.  I’ll come back tomorrow.”

Buffy hugged her best friend.  “OK, but you come home tomorrow, right?”

Willow smiled.  “You bet.  I’ll call you.”

“G’night.”

Willow picked up her knapsack and headed out the door.  “Bye, Buffy.”

Buffy threw the pizza box on the coffee table and headed upstairs to confront and apologize to her little sister.

Cracking open Dawn’s bedroom door, Buffy poked her head inside.  “Hey.”

Dawn was on her bed with her back turned to her sister.  “Hey.”

Buffy sat down next to Dawn and put her arm around her.  “I’m really sorry, I think I really need to put together a schedule so that we don’t miss each like this anymore.”

“Yeah, whatever.”

Buffy knelt down in front of Dawn and took her hands in hers.  “No.  Not whatever.  I am sorry about tonight and last week and every time I wasn’t there with you when you needed me.  I am trying my best, I really am.”

Dawn felt really bad all of a sudden.  She was being bratty and she knew it.  Maybe she could come up with a compromise.  “Buffy?”

“Yeah?”

“I know you’re doing your best.  I understand really, but you can’t do all of it alone.  The slaying, the bills, your friends, me.  You, we, need help.”

“Well, Willow will be around more now that she . . .”

“Not Willow.  She’s got too many problems of her own now.  And Xander and Anya they have jobs and a wedding to plan.  And Tara . . .”  Dawn’s eyes misted up at the mentioning of Willow’s now ex-girlfriend.  “Well, Tara, doesn’t need to be around all the time to be reminded of how bad things went with her and Willow.”  

Buffy was scared at where this conversation was going.  “Dawnie?  You don’t want to leave do you?  You’re not going to leave me to go back with Dad, are you?”

“No!  I don’t wanna live with Dad.  I want to stay here with you, I just thought that maybe we could ask someone else to help us out, ya know?”

Buffy was completely lost.  “Who?”

“Well, I was thinking, maybe a few days a week, Spike could come over and hang while you’re out or . . .”

Buffy’s heart skipped a beat at the mention of his name.  “Spike?  You want to have Spike be your babysitter?”

Dawn rolled her eyes at Buffy.  “No!  Not a babysitter, just someone to have dinner with or make sure I do my homework or just to keep an eye on the house when it’s dark out.  You know, keep the nasties away.”

“No, absolutely not!  No way!”

“Why?  He used to take care of me all the time when you were . . . gone this summer.”

Buffy shook her head.  “That was then.  Things are different now.”

Dawn threw her hands up in the air.  “What?  What’s different now?  Why are you so anti-Spike all of a sudden anyway?  You two have been out patrolling together almost every night since you got back and I haven’t seen you yell at him or hit him, well, until last night.  What’s going on with you two?”

Buffy was mortified now.  How could Dawn pick up on this thing she had gotten herself into?  “Nothing is going on with me and Spike.  I just don’t think you spending time with an undead evil demon is the best parenting strategy I can come up with.”

Dawn started to pace.  She wanted this; she wanted to have some of the security that Spike made her feel over the past summer.  She wanted to feel protected, loved and above all not to feel so lonely all the time.  “God!  Buffy!  What do you think he’s gonna do?  He can’t eat me, he would never, he’d never let anything ever happen to me or you ever again.  He’d rather drink a gallon of holy water before he’d let . . .”

Buffy raised her hands up in frustration.  “Stop!  No more!  Dawn, you don’t understand.”

“Then make me understand!  Tell me why the one person on this planet who has all the time in the world to spend with us can’t take care of me once in a while!”

Buffy didn’t know what to say.  How could she explain that she’d given into Spike’s sexual advances and loved every second of it?  How do you tell a fifteen-year-old that you’re scared to death of falling in love with another vampire?  “Dawn.  I can’t let him, I can’t let him just come in here and take over.  He may have a chip in his head, but that doesn’t mean he’s changed . . .”

Dawn plopped herself down at her desk chair and started to fiddle with her new ring.  She was pissed and wasn’t going to drop this subject, yet.  “How do you know?  How do you know he hasn’t changed?  You weren’t there to see him after you died.  He was crushed, just like the rest of us.  He loved you so much and you don’t even care!  God!  I just wish that you could know what it’s like to be in his place for a change!”

A feeling of disorientation and dizziness passed over Dawn in a powerful wave.  She shook her head and blinked her eyes a couple of times to shake the feeling off of her.  When she looked up she was aware that her older brother, Spike, was about to blow a gasket.

“Damn it, Dawn!  How can I put this?  There is no way on this Hell mouth that I am going to let Buffy, Elizabeth the Bloody, Ms. Big Bad herself, become your stable female role model!”

“Damn it, Dawn! How can I put this? There is no way on this Hell mouth that I am going to let Buffy, Elizabeth the Bloody, Ms. Big Bad herself, become your stable female role model!”

Dawn looked up at him with weepy and weary eyes. Why didn’t he just understand that Buffy loved them? Sure, she’d done some pretty horrible things, but she’d changed so much in the past couple of years. Sometimes, Buffy was the only one Dawn could talk to. She may be an evil undead vampire, but she knew how to listen and she always could make Dawn feel better about whatever awful thing was going on. Even when Glory had beaten the crap out of Buffy to get the location of the Key, she still had told Dawn it wasn’t her fault. Dawn remembered the raccoon eyes Glory had given her and the image of Doc stabbing Buffy in the back then throwing her off the tower was burned into her brain. And after Spike had died to save the world, Buffy had been there to pick up the slack, helping out on patrols and in the Summers’ home whenever Willow or Tara asked her to. Now, when Dawn wanted to spend a little bit of time with her, Spike was putting the breaks on. It made no sense. Something was going on and Spike wasn’t telling her the truth.

Dawn sighed in defeat. “Fine, William, whatever. What now?”

Spike ran his hands through his light brown hair and shook his head at his little sister. He hated it when Dawn used his given name like that. It reminded him of how his parents Joyce and Hank used to talk to him whenever he misbehaved. “Xander and Anya are coming over for a couple hours while I go on patrol. You should finish your homework and get ready for bed. Tomorrow’s Friday and then we have all weekend to come up with a realistic game plan. OK?”

Dawn nodded at the floor. “OK.”

Spike hooked his finger underneath her chin forcing her to look into his eyes. “Dawnie, I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

Spike kissed his baby sister’s nose just like she hated and watched her wipe it off. “Eww! You know I hate that!”

“I know, but you’re stuck; you can’t choose your family.”

Buffy stalked her way through the cemetery mumbling to herself as she twisted open her bottle of Jim Beam and took a healthy swallow. “Bloody Slayer! State of permanent denial he’s in is gonna kill me!”

Buffy stopped at the base of a large oak tree and sat herself down to have a drink. She had just lit up a cigarette when a growling vampire was thrown to the ground at her feet. Spike pounced on top of the vamp and dusted him in two seconds flat.

Spike looked up from the pile of dust beneath him at the sound of a melodious, yet condescending, English accent. “Well, well, well, fancy meetin’ you here. Out for a jaunt, pet?”

Spike let his eyes travel up Buffy’s body from her black Doc Martins, past her skin-tight black jeans to her equally tight black tank top and leather duster. Finally, he looked into her face just as she exhaled a puff of white smoke. She smiled sweetly at him and licked her glossy pink lips. “Miss me, did you?”

Stunned only momentarily by her proximity, Spike got up and started to walk away from the dazzling blond vampire without a single word. But as he thought she would have none of that. “Oi! Slayer! Going so soon? You just got here!”

“Leave me alone, Buffy. I’m not in the mood for your games tonight. I’ve got work to do.”

Buffy tugged on Spike’s brown leather jacket to get his attention. “Oh come on! It’s almost midnight! Most vamps have already risen by now, we could go catch the rest of Jay Leno on the telly and . . .”

Spike just kept on walking away. “Nope. Gotta get home to Dawn.”

Buffy tugged on him harder spinning him around to face her. “How’s Bite Size doin’? Is she feelin’ any better?”

“She’s going to be fine. Nothing for you to be concerned about.” Spike said as he wrenched his arm out of her grasp. “Good night, Buffy.”

“I was only askin’! Poor thing was all sorts of achy yesterday - and bored - and alone. If you want I can come by to look after her in the late afternoon or she can stop by at my place after school. . .”

“Oh yeah, great! And you can tell her stories about how you’ve eviscerated and tortured people and . . .”

Buffy rolled her eyes and laughed. “I don’t tell her stories like that! Anymore.”

Spike turned and viciously shoved Buffy away from him so that she tripped over a head stone and fell on her back. Looming over her, Spike sneered down at her. “Listen and listen good! Dawn doesn’t need you in her life! I don’t need you in my life! Just because I went insane for one night and, and, spent it with you does not mean you get to take over my life!”

“I’m not trying to. . .” Buffy stammered.

Spike put his hands up in defense. “Yes! Yes you are! Just because you don’t have a life of your own does not mean you can suck the life out of mine!”

Buffy got up and started to dust herself off. “I’m just trying to help you! I would never hurt you or Dawn! Well, you know, unless you wanted me to hurt you in a pleasurable kind of way . . .”

Spike pointed at her accusingly. “Shut up! You are disgusting! How do you always know the exact wrong thing to say?”

The tears were threatening to spill from her eyes. “Well, I don’t try to. . .I . . .just want you and her to be safe.”

“Again, Buffy, we don’t need you! You wanna play Mommy? Why don’t you go find your psycho sire Angel, I’m sure he’ll let you take care of him!”

A single tear ran down her cheek and Buffy charged towards Spike in a fury. She stopped short of punching him in the face and instead unleashed her verbal assault. “Just because you’re disgusted with yourself for letting me touch you doesn’t mean that you and Dawn don’t need my help! You just keep on deluding yourself until she ends up hurt or dead or worse, like me. I saw what was goin’ on this Halloween! She was one bite away from being an undead bloodsucker like me! Now, you know I love you, but I’m not asking for your love in return, just your trust!”

Spike backhanded Buffy across the face. “You will never have me, Buffy! Not my trust and not my love. And you will never get your hooks in my baby sister! You got that? Now, fuck off!”

Buffy sucked in a gasp of air that physically crippled her. What he had just said was so abhorrent she couldn’t believe it had actually come out of the Slayer’s mouth. Instead of breaking down in sobs like she wanted to she lashed out again in her anger. “Touché, Slayer, touché. This is the way you want it? Fine! We’ll see how long you last until you come crawling back begging for my help or my advice or my body.”

Spike opened his mouth to yell at her again, but couldn’t think of a thing to say to her. He just needed to not see her anymore; she was too tempting. Every time he was near her he either wanted to fight her or fuck her or both. This sick and twisted relationship was going nowhere. Why didn’t she see that? Instead of hurling a witty comeback at her, he turned and ran out of the cemetery as fast as he could.

Buffy went back to the tree and retrieved her bottle of bourbon then slowly made her way across the graveyard towards her crypt. She felt completely defeated. The things he’d said to her cut her deeper than any knife could ever have. He didn’t want her around, but she knew he was lying to her. He wanted something from her; needed something from her. If he’d only stop denying it she could give him whatever it was he was looking for.

If nothing else, Buffy knew one thing to be true: Dawn liked her. The only person in this God forsaken town who actually liked Buffy was Dawn. All summer Buffy had spent making sure she was safe. She stayed with Dawn at the house whenever the Scooby gang needed her to. They would watch TV together, play cards, Dawn would gossip about the boys at her school to her and sometimes Buffy would even let Dawn do her hair and make up, just for fun. Xander would inevitably come in and laugh at whatever Dawn had done to Buffy and say something like. “Oh look, it’s evil vampire Barbie. Fangs sold separately.”

Then Dawn would quickly wipe Buffy’s face clean of the makeup and fix her hair the way she liked it – smooth and sleek and away from her face, sometimes in a ponytail – simple. So unlike the elaborate old-fashioned hairdo she used to have to sport just because she was a female.

Buffy loved the modern age because she could wear whatever she wanted and still be socially acceptable. No corsets, no bustles, no floor length gowns to trip over – it was liberating. Not that Buffy didn’t wear a skirt still on occasion; like the night she and Spike had brought the house down together. She had worn a long leather skirt with slits up the sides and no knickers. It turned out that it had been the perfect outfit for that particular evening.

Buffy shuddered at the thought of that night, as she entered her crypt and made her way down the ladder to her makeshift bedroom. Lighting all the candles and removing her leather duster she climbed up onto her bed. She wished Spike were there with her. She wished she wasn’t all alone in her grave anymore.

She closed her eyes tightly and tried her best to replay the events of their night of passion in her head. Slowly, she undid her jeans and slid her hand inside her panties trying to imagine that it was his fingers playing with the soft curls between her thighs. She could remember his scent, all male, all salty sweet in the air with a hint of his blood from the cuts she’d caused during their fight. And had been hot, so hot, sliding her down onto his shaft over and over again burning her inside until she screamed with delight.

Buffy shoved her jeans and panties down to her ankles and then kicked off her boots while she pulled off her shirt. She lay there completely naked with her eyes still squeezed tightly shut pretending that it was Spike’s cock plunging in and out of her body instead of her own wet fingers. She remembered the look on his face the first time he came inside of her. He was in pure ecstasy as he reached his climax. She could see it in his eyes; his overwhelming need for her.

“He wanted me. Over and over again. He wanted me. I love you, Slayer. I love you.” Buffy panted as her own orgasm shook through her body. Buffy slid her fingers out of her and curled herself up under the covers. She gathered a couple extra pillows and hugged them to her body. If she tried real hard, maybe she could pretend that it was Spike that she was holding close to her. But that wouldn’t work. The pillows were cold and so was she. Cold and alone in her grave, Buffy cried silently into her pillows. She cried for losing what she never really had with the Slayer and she cried for losing all that she’d had with his little sister. Locked out and pushed away yet again, Buffy cried until she fell asleep. Letting her dreams claim her, Buffy dreamed that she was once again warm in his arms.

It was Friday night and it was dinner for all gang followed by drinks at the Bronze. Well almost all the gang. Anya had called Tara to invite her along, but she was still very uncomfortable about her breakup with Willow. Oh and they didn’t invite Buffy, because she didn’t need to eat food. Dawn was very disappointed that her favorite un-living playmate wasn’t going to be there, but Spike shut her whining down quickly with a vicious look followed by the promise of double chocolate cheesecake.

Xander led Anya up the walkway to Spike’s house and rang the doorbell. Spike answered the door wearing a new sports coat and pants and a huge grin. “Hey, Boss!”

“Hello, Master William, my don’t you look spiffy tonight! Could it be that you were able to afford the new duds with the monster sized bonus we just earned?” Xander asked in his best fake English accent.

“Why yes it is! Mind if I borrow your fiancée for a celebratory grope?” Spike asked as he whipped Anya up into his arms and twirled her around the foyer.

“Whee!” Anya giggled at the Slayer.

Xander laughed at the scene. It was great to see Spike so happy for a change. He’d been really depressed after getting ripped out of Heaven and who could blame him for that? The mistake that the Scoobies had made was horrible, but there was no taking it back. Now they had to make the best of what they had here on Earth.

Spike stopped spinning Anya and put her down. Anya looked up at Spike with a disappointed look. “Do it again! You’re better than a carnival ride!”

Xander pulled her towards him. “Enough, An, no more riding my friends for the evening.”

Spike started to walk down the hall to the kitchen, motioning for Anya and Xander to follow. “Come on, guys! Champagne toast in the kitchen.”

Willow and Dawn were in the kitchen struggling with a bottle of bubbly. Willow snarled at the stubborn cork. “Stupid thing won’t come out!”

Spike gently took the bottle from her and easily popped the cork out. “Here you go, Wils.” He said while he pulled her in for a hug. “No problems tonight, I promise. We’re all going to take it easy and have some fun for a change.”

Willow smiled at her best friends Spike and Xander. If she didn’t have them in her life she didn’t know how she would be able to handle what she was going through right now. For this one moment she felt completely normal again. They were all there together and everything seemed like it was really going to be all right.

Dawn poured five glasses of champagne and Spike gave her a disapproving look. “Who’s the fifth glass for?”

Dawn smiled at her older brother. “Me?”

“No.”

Anya snorted. “Oh come on! Give the girl a sip!”

Spike shrugged. “One sip!”

Dawn jumped in delight. “Cool!”

Xander raised his glass. “OK, I’d like to propose a toast. To better times and the friends we have to share them with.”

All the friends clinked their glasses and toasted one another. “To better times!”

Buffy sat on the railing on the Summers’ back porch watching the scene inside unfold. They looked so happy and she was so miserable that she could taste a bitterness in her mouth. The Slayer was smiling and saying they were going to be late for their dinner reservations at Sergio’s. Then Buffy heard that they were planning on going to the Bronze afterward for drinks and dancing. “Well, I can’t crash dinner, but I certainly be at the Bronze when they get there. And then he’ll see me having just as good a time without him.” Buffy jumped off the railing and headed back to her crypt to change her outfit.

When the gang reached the Bronze the place was already packed with high school and college aged kids. The DJ was pumping out some loud techno music and the dance floor was a jam of people.

Xander and Spike were sitting together at a high top table watching the girls on the dance floor when both of them spotted a gorgeous blond in a blue silk mini dress and black go-go boots in the center of the dance floor. Her back was turned to them, but she was stunning all the same and she had a crowd of guys vying for her attention.

Xander looked over at his best friend watching this girl move. It had been a long time since Spike had had a girlfriend. Xander expected he was getting pretty lonely by now. Maybe since things were looking up, Xander should try to play matchmaker and find his bud a gal pal. He may be a mythical warrior, but he was still a man and a man had needs.

Xander leaned into Spike’s ear. “Check her out - devil with the blue dress on. Too bad I’m already engaged to a beautiful demon of my very own.”

Spike smiled and nodded in agreement. “Yeah! She’s tasty. Look at those leg muscles. I bet she works out.” * But she’s not as strong as me. I’d probably kill her if I let loose with her. I can’t be myself with her like I can be when I’m with . . . * “Buffy?!” Spike exclaimed suddenly.

Xander looked back at the girl in the blue dress and sure enough that was Buffy cutting a rug out there with every man in the place drooling over her. “Oh my God! Talk about Devil! I don’t think I’ve ever seen her out of her black jeans and black shirt combo. Is she wearing new boots?”

* I have. * Spike thought to himself. * I’ve seen her out of everything including her boots. I’ve seen her in nothing but her black nail polish and a necklace! * Spike watched in disgust as a handsome yet grungy young man put his hands around Buffy’s waist and pulled her close to him. A strange sick feeling came over Spike suddenly at the sight of another man’s hands on Buffy’s body. * Unbelievable! What the Hell do I care? Why do I care? *

Xander smacked Spike on the back. “Congratulations, Buddy! Today has been a very good day. First, we all get money and Buffy finally has a new object of obsession. Or several from the looks of it.”

Spike nodded absently and got up off his stool. “I’m gonna go get another drink, you want?”

Xander shook his head. “No, I’m good.” He said as Spike walked away.

Buffy had seen the look on Spike’s face when that guy had rubbed up against her. The Slayer was jealous and she knew it! This was perfect! A little tiny bit of revenge had been in order and now she’d had it. So why didn’t she feel any better about it?

The guy with the over active libido was trying to feel her up again and Buffy wasn’t interested anymore. She turned and walked away only to have him follow her off the dance floor. * Oh great! That’s all I need. A puppy. *

To avoid anymore contact Buffy ducked into the ladies powder room where she found Dawn putting on some lipstick while looking in the large mirror. Buffy smiled. She was so very glad to see her Little Bit. She snuck up quietly behind her knowing that the girl couldn’t see the vampire approaching. “Boo.”

Dawn jumped a mile and squealed in fright. Turning she saw Buffy giggling at her. “Oh my God! Buffy! You freaked me out!” Dawn paused to take in Buffy’s new look. “Wow, Buffy! You look great! How come you don’t dress like that more often?”

If Buffy could blush she would have. “Really? I really look good? ‘Cause I wasn’t sure about the color and it took me forever to put the red lipstick on. It’s not smeared is it?”

“No, it’s fine, but it’s a little faded. Here let me help you.”

The two girls sat down on the couch in the ladies room and Dawn pulled out a red lipstick from her purse. “OK, and as usual, Buffy, hold still.”

Buffy watched as Dawn fumbled with the lipstick because of the cast on her arm. Then the teenager started to apply the lipstick to her cold lips. “How’s your arm feel, luv?”

Dawn pulled the lipstick away quickly. “Buffy! I said hold still! No talking! Or else I’ll leave you looking like Bobo the Clown.”

“Bozo.”

“Huh?”

“It’s Bozo the Clown.”

“Whatever. Just hold still.” Dawn resumed her task and when she’d finished she smiled. “There. Perfect. And it still hurts but not as bad - my arm.”

“Thanks, Dawn. Are they taking good care of you or do I need to start cracking skulls?”

“Everything’s fine, but I kinda miss you being around to hang with. I know you probably don’t miss my experimental makeovers or playing gin rummy until midnight, but. . .”

Buffy lightly grabbed Dawn’s shoulders. “No! I do miss you! I miss coming over every night. I miss eating popcorn and letting you paint my toenails that God awful pink. You’re my Sweet Bit, don’t ever think I don’t want to see you.”

“Well then where the Hell have you been? I’ve barely seen you these last couple of months and when I do see you, we never talk. And the other day when Spike kicked you out. What was that all about? What’s going on with you two? And don’t lie, I know something’s up.”

Buffy was taken aback. What was she going to say? She couldn’t tell Dawn that she and Spike had shagged each other senseless and now were fighting about it on a regular basis. But then again she couldn’t lie to her either.

“Well, Dawn, it’s complicated. Your brother and I, we, we just don’t always see eye to eye on things. You know that. He’s having trouble adjusting and I was trying to help but . . .”

“He doesn’t want your help.”

“Right.”

Dawn got up and went back over to the mirror and started to brush her hair. “He doesn’t want anybody’s help. He’s the hero. ‘Don’t worry Dawnie; I’ll do it all. I’ll earn the money, slay the demons and cook dinner.’ Then while he’s doing all that by himself I get to be home alone. Well, maybe not alone, I get to be with Willow who’s addicted to black magic and barely can take care of herself anymore let alone me. Not that I don’t love her, but she’s got her own problems, ya know?”

Buffy came up behind Dawn and took the hairbrush from her. Buffy started to brush Dawn’s long brown hair. “It will get better, Princess. I promise. I’ll see to it.”

“How? You said it yourself. He doesn’t want your help.”

“There’s a difference between wanting and needing. He just needs some time to realize that there are other people out there that can help him. And when he does, I’ll be there to help. Until then, just hold tight.”

Dawn nodded in agreement and watched in the mirror, as her hair seemed to magically get brushed by an invisible person.

Spike and Willow went over to the table where Anya and Xander were sitting. Willow yawned. She was exhausted, finally. She couldn’t wait to go back home and go to bed. Spike could see the fatigue in her face and decided it was time to take Willow and Dawn home.

Spike put his hand on Xander’s back. “OK, man, I’m going to take the women home. Willow? You ready?”

Willow smiled in relief. “Oh yeah! I’m partied out.”

Spike looked around the Bronze for a sign of his little sister. “Where’s Dawn?”

“She said she was going to the Ladies room, but that was a while ago.” Anya replied.

Spike shook his head. Maybe a leash wasn’t such a bad idea! “OK, I’ll go find her and then we’ll go.” Spike said as he walked off over to the restroom area.

Standing outside the Ladies room Spike could hear his little sister’s voice as she giggled. Spike looked around carefully to make sure no one saw him enter the “No Males Allowed” zone. When he entered the restroom he saw Buffy standing behind Dawn playing with her hair. The vampire had Dawn’s hair up in pigtails and kept saying things like: “Oh my God! It’s a scary monster!” Then she would pull the pigtails up in the air and Dawn would make a scared face and say: “Ah! Help! Help!” They looked like they were having a fun time with each other; Spike almost didn’t want to stop them.

“Hey! Dawn, it’s time to go home.” Spike said interrupting their game.

“Spike!” Dawn whined. “It’s only 10:30! And what are you doing in the Ladies Room?”

“Yeah, Slayer! What if I was fixin’ my stockings?” Buffy asked sarcastically.

“You don’t wear stockings.” Spike replied flatly.

Buffy smirked and whispered. “You should know.”

Spike grabbed his sister gently and pulled her out of the restroom. “Bye, Buffy!” Dawn called as Spike herded her back to the table where Willow was waiting.

“Goodnight, Nibblet!” Buffy yelled over the din of the music. “Goodnight, Slayer.” She whispered to herself sadly as she made her way to the coat check room. It was time to go home, have a pint and watch the telly until the wee hours.

Buffy went out the back door of the Bronze as usual and made her way out into the alley. She stopped briefly to light up her cigarette and was about to start walking home when she heard a movement behind her.

“Leaving so soon? We didn’t get to finish our dance.”

It was the grungy guy who’d followed her off the dance floor earlier. Normally, Buffy would be interested, but right now, in her current circumstance, she just wasn’t into casual relationships anymore. This decidedly uninteresting human boy had nothing she wanted, unless he was willing to cut his wrists for her.

The young man boldly pushed her up against the brick wall of the club and attempted to kiss her. “Whoa, whoa, whoa there! Thanks, but no thanks, mate.” Buffy said as she dodged his lips and started to walk away again.

The man grabbed Buffy roughly by her hair and sneered at her. “Oh, we’re not finished here, sweetheart! We’ve only just started.”

Buffy was disgusted. How dare this wanker think he can just take her? She was Elizabeth the Bloody for God’s sake! She pushed him off of her and sent him flying into the dumpster. As the young man hit the ground Buffy’s chip in her brain fired off a jolt of pain sending her reeling backwards. “Ahh . . Ow!”

He was on her again and this time he was even more brutal. He pulled out a handgun and smacked Buffy in the face with the handle. “See! This is what you get for being such a fucking cock tease!”

Despite the pain she was feeling Buffy laughed out loud. “A tease? I danced with you for all of three minutes - you bloody git! You’ve got to be fucking joking!”

He answered her by punching her in the stomach causing her to double over. If she’d had to breathe, it would have knocked the wind out of her. “It’s sluts like you that make me do these things!”

Buffy was getting truly pissed off now. “Slut? Oh, sod this!” She retaliated by slapping him in the face sending him spinning to the ground. Once again her chip went off and this time its jolt was fiercer than the last. Buffy fell to her knees. As she tried to get up to run away, her attacker pounced on top of her and began to strangle her throat. Buffy didn’t have to breathe, of course, but if she wanted to scream for help she’d need her vocal cords to do so. He wasn’t letting up and to his surprise, she wasn’t loosing consciousness, but he was severely bruising her neck.

Buffy yet again threw the-would-be rapist off and crawled to her hands and knees. But he grabbed her by the hair and wrenched her head back pointing the handgun to her head. “Move and I’ll blow your fucking head off.”

Buffy wasn’t really afraid of being shot, it wouldn’t kill her, but she’d rather not lose half of her brain in the bargain. She remained still as he pulled her dress up and cut the crotch of her panties out with a pocketknife. * This bloke carries more weapons than I do! * As he cut the fabric of her undergarment he inadvertently nicked her quim causing a dull aching pain throughout her nether regions. She could feel her blood dripping down her thighs as he then violently shoved three fingers inside of her.

Buffy choked back a sob. A feeling of complete and utter helplessness settled into her heart. She suddenly wished that the Slayer had not left. If he would have stayed, certainly he would have come and saved her from this humiliating fate. Over and over again Buffy’s brain repeated: * This is not happening. This is not happening. This cannot be happening to me! I’m the Big Bad! I’m the Big Bad! Big Bads don’t get raped in alleys! * But this Big Bad Vampire needed a hero and fast!

In a last ditch effort to flee, Buffy pulled away from the man and tried to scramble to her feet. The gun he was holding went off and a bullet grazed the side of her head.

At the same time, Xander and Anya happened to be walking to their car when they heard a gun shot. They went running towards the alley and found Buffy fighting off a man with a gun. She punched him hard and then she dropped to the pavement screaming in pain and holding her head gushing with blood.

Xander was horrified at the sight before him when he realized what Buffy was up against. “Oh my God! He’s human!” He yelled to his fiancée.

Anya too was shocked at this scene and the realization it brought with it. “That means she can’t fight back!”

Suddenly Xander didn’t see Buffy as an undead, bloodsucking fiend who’d tried to kill him on more than one occasion. He saw her as a victim in need of help. The street lamp sent a beam of light onto Buffy’s body. Xander saw the rivulets of blood pouring down the vampire’s inner thighs. He knew exactly what this scumbag was up to and he broke into a run in order to come to Buffy’s aid.

“Hey Man! What’s goin’ on? Ever hear the expression ‘No mean No’?” Xander yelled out as he approached the extremely hostile situation before him.

The guy simply laughed and pointed his gun at Xander. “Ever hear the expression ‘Don’t stick your nose where it don’t belong’?” He cocked the hammer back. “You might just lose that nose and your whole fucking face!”

Anya’s heart jumped into her throat as she saw her soul mate’s life being threatened. She broke into a run towards Xander and Buffy. “Xander! No!” She screamed.

The gun fired off one shot at Xander’s chest, but just as it was to meet its mark, Buffy jumped in front of her “hero” and took the bullet into her own heart for the ‘whelp’.

Buffy felt a white hot pain shoot through her chest and her demonic anger flared forth. Her features changed abruptly as she vamped out and let loose a terrifying growl at the guy. Finally, this human monster was truly frightened as he turned on his heels and ran off.

Buffy’s face slipped back into her human visage as she collapsed to her knees, bleeding profusely from both her chest and her temple. She let out an inappropriate giggle as she nonchalantly said, “I should’ve just gone all bumpy in the first place! Bloody tosser caught me off guard.”

Buffy was trying to hold herself together as best she could while fighting the excruciating pain her body was experiencing. Holding back her tears, she pulled her packet of cigarettes out of her duster’s pocket and lit one up.

Anya and Xander could see how traumatized this vampire girl was by the way she was rocking back and forth on her knees and how her hands were barely able to hold the cigarette as she brought it up to her lips for a drag.

Xander reached down to try to help Buffy to her feet and she immediately lashed out at him. “I don’t need your sodding help! I’m fine, Monkey Boy! If you hadn’t barged in I wouldn’t have this hole in my chest!”

Anya put her hand on Xander’s shoulder. “Give her some space, Xander. She just had a severely traumatizing experience, believe me; I’ve seen it thousands of times. When I was a vengeance demon, I got called in on the ‘date rape’ scenario a lot.”

“I don’t want your bleedin’ sympathy. I’m fine! I’m the Big Bad! I’m the Big Bad!” Buffy sobbed. She was losing it in front of the humans and it was too much for her to take. She put pressure on the wound in her chest and quickly as she could she left the alley.

Dawn was in the kitchen attempting to conduct her cereal experiment with boxes of Wheaties, Fruit Loops, Count Chocula and Frosted Flakes when she heard something on the back porch. Scared out of her mind, Dawn slowly approached the back door just to check to see if it was locked. She wasn’t alone in the house, Willow was up stairs, but she was fast asleep and Spike was out on patrol. Dawn peaked through the blinds covering the back door and gasped at the sight before her.

Dawn opened the door and approached Buffy who was trying to lean on the railing for support. She was covered in blood and bruises and shivering. She seemed almost oblivious to Dawn’s presence. Dawn slowly walked over to the beaten vampire and touched her shoulder lightly. “Buffy?”

Buffy sucked in a ragged breath in order to speak. “Little Bit, so cold. I’m so cold.”

Dawn reached up and brushed Buffy’s hair away from her face. She had a gash on her right temple and purple bruise on her left cheek. The evidence of fresh tears streaked down her cheeks in black mascara. Dawn had never seen her so wounded; not even after what Glory had done to her did Buffy look so defeated. The way she looked right now had Dawn frightened. “Come on, come inside.”

Dawn led Buffy into the kitchen and helped her out of her coat. The teenager let out a horrified gasp at the sight of Buffy’s blood stained dress. “Oh my God! Buffy! What happened to you? Who did this?”

Buffy closed her eyes and tried to speak, but only broke down in tears. Covering her face with her bloody hands Buffy sank to the floor and hid her face.

Dawn sat down next to her on the floor. Putting her arms around Buffy, she held her as she cried. Buffy let her hands fall away from her face and she reached out and hugged Dawn back. She was holding onto this sweet human girl for dear life, or un-life as it were. She didn’t judge Buffy; she just helped her. Dawn was never mean to her, well, except that one time, but Buffy had deserved it.

As she lay in this young lady’s embrace she knew why she loved her so much. Buffy knew that caring for Dawn had been the only good and selfless thing she’d done in her entire existence. Buffy sniffled a little and looked up at the girl. “Bit? You know you’re the best person on this planet, right?”

Dawn let out a little laugh. “No, I’m not. I’m just as bad as everybody else.”

Buffy frowned at her. “Don’t ever say that. You are the most precious person in the world, in my world.”

Dawn helped Buffy to her feet. “What about my brother? I thought you loved him most of all.”

Buffy steadied herself by holding onto the counter. “I love him more than I can tell you, but it’s not the same kind of love.”

“What kind is it?”

“The same kind that made him jump off that tower.”

Spike was in the cemetery, sitting on a grave – his own grave. He hadn’t been back to see it since he’d crawled out of it. It was weird. The ground was still uneven from where he’d fought his way out of it a couple of months before and the headstone was staring back at him mockingly.

* This is where I should be. This is where I belonged. At peace. *

But there was no peace for the Slayer now. Now he was definitely not at peace. He was feeling jealous about seeing Buffy dance with another man. He was angry with himself for feeling jealous. He was feeling guilty for wanting her in his arms, in his mouth, underneath him, on top of him, everywhere at once. Every time he closed his eyes he could see it happening over and over again. He remembered the feel of her breasts rubbing against his chest as he pounded her against the wall of the crumbling house. He could still hear her scream as she came shuddering around his cock.

Spike shivered and tried to ignore the instant erection he’d gotten by just thinking about it for a second. The things they had done to each other that night were carved on his soul and he could not escape it. But he couldn’t do it again. He wouldn’t do it again - ever. That night with Buffy was past and he had to accept it and move on. * Now if I can just get her to stop trying to see me in that way! *

Spike was still angry and jealous and guilt-ridden when he effortlessly ripped his head stone out of the ground and threw it across the graveyard and into the side of large crypt. The headstone shattered into a thousand pieces and fell to the ground. He was furious with himself and Buffy, but at least was he was feeling something. He felt alive.

Spike looked at the dusty remains of his headstone there on the ground. “Won’t being needing one of those any time soon.” He said as he started his walk home.

Dawn had to wake up Willow to come down stairs to help and just as Willow was examining Buffy, Xander and Anya arrived.

++++++++++++

Xander was actually relieved to see that Buffy was there. “Geez, Buffy! Way to run off, we would have given you a ride.”

“We went to your crypt, but you weren’t there and we couldn’t find Spike, so we thought we’d try here.” Anya said.

Buffy was surprised at their concern. “Why? Why would you try to find me?”

Xander and Anya didn’t know what to say. Neither of them knew why they cared what happened to her, but they did. “I don’t know. It just seemed like the right thing to do.” Xander offered. “Besides, I’ve helped dig foreign objects out of your back before, wouldn’t wanna miss that.”

Buffy actually smiled at the comment. “Oh yeah. Déjà bloody vu – at least this time it’s just a bullet and not a tracking device.”

“I’ll get the whiskey! You want whiskey right? Like last time?” Anya asked.

“Yeah, whiskey will work.” Buffy said as tried her best to wipe the still wet tears from her face.

Right then Willow took charge of the situation. “OK, Anya, there’s a bottle of scotch in the liquor cabinet in the dining room, but get her a plastic cup, just in case she drops it during the procedure, like last time. Xander, get a few large garbage bags from underneath the sink. We’ll cover the dining room table and floor and use that as an operating table. Dawn, go upstairs and get my old blue robe out of my closet, she can wear that during the surgery and I don’t care if it gets blood on it. I’ll get the first aid kit and a sharp knife.”

All four humans scattered off to their respective tasks leaving Buffy standing alone in the kitchen. “Circle the wagons, the cavalry has arrived.”

++++++++++

The surgery went pretty smooth all things considered. Dawn had tried to hold Buffy’s hand through the ordeal, but she’d refused. “Ah, no, Sweet Bit, I don’t wanna squeeze too hard and break any more of your bones.”

It had taken about four glasses of scotch and three of Dawn’s pain pills to get Buffy to the right level of loopyness in order to cut open her back. Once Xander had fished out the bullet, Willow sewed the wound up with needle and thread and then flipped her over to do the same to the hole in her chest. Buffy had laughed a bit when she’d opened the robe to reveal her naked torso. “Oh, this is so much less humiliating than getting attacked in an alley.”

Anya poked Xander in the side. “Stop looking at her breasts, Xander!”

Xander rolled his eyes at his fiancée. “I’m not looking looking, Anya. I’m pointing the flashlight on her chest so Willow can look at her breasts. OK, that didn’t sound right either.”

Willow hissed at both of them. “Will you two shut up? Do you want me to sew crookedly?”

Buffy laughed again. “Yeah, shut up. Let Dr. Rosenberg finish looking at my boobs.”

Willow shook her head. “I wasn’t, I, uh, I don’t want to look at them! Well, I just have to look at them.”

Buffy got a little offended. “What? What’s wrong with ‘em?”

“Nothing, they’re fine.” Willow stammered.

“Just fine? That’s it?”

“They’re great, nice and perky! Kind of like mine. Although mine probably won’t look as good next century.” Anya offered.

Buffy started to giggle uncontrollably.

Dawn looked worriedly at the others and then back at Buffy. “That was funny, but not that funny. Buffy? You OK?”

“I’m fine, Nibblet. I’m bloody wonderful. Here I am getting sewed up on your dining room table after getting some of my just desserts for all the evil I’ve done.” Buffy said quietly as the tears started to form in her eyes again.

Dawn brushed Buffy’s hair away from her face again and stroked her head lightly. “Shh, you should try to sleep. Willow’s almost done.”

“I deserved it, you know. I led him on, dancin’ the way I was, wearing what I was wearin’. He called me a tease. Ha! If he only knew!” Tears in Buffy’s eyes had spilled down the sides of her face and she was visibly shaking again.

Willow finished her task and closed the front of Buffy’s robe. “You know, Buffy, sexual assault isn’t about sex. It’s about power and violence . . .”

Buffy sat up slowly. “You think I don’t know about those things, Red? I was drunk on violence and power for over a century and look where it got me! It got me stuck in an alley with a psychotic human who I couldn’t fight off. I should’ve just let him blow my brains out. That way I wouldn’t have to remember what he did to me.”

Dawn started to cry. “Don’t say that! It wasn’t your fault! OK, you’ve done some horrible things Buffy, I know ‘cause you told me about them. But, you’ve also done some really good things and I’m not saying you’ve made up for everything you’ve done, but you did not deserve this!”

Buffy hid her face in her hands again and whimpered. She wished they weren’t all there staring at her. She wished she hadn’t made Dawn cry.

“You saved my life tonight.” Xander said breaking the tension. Buffy looked over to the young man with whom she usually fought on a regular basis. “You were walking Kevlar for me. If you hadn’t done that, we’d be yucking it up down at the morgue instead of here.”

“And I would have ended up a widow before I even got married. And that would have been. . .” Anya put her arms around Xander’s waist and held him close. “I don’t think I would’ve lived through that.”

“And you-you punched Tara.” Willow offered. “Which normally wouldn’t be a good thing, but you showed her that she wasn’t a demon and that was a really good thing.”

Dawn put her hand in Buffy’s. “And you let Glory beat the crap out of you to protect me, and you got bit by that Ghora demon and you got thrown off of the tower and-and-and you let me paint your toenails pink even though you hate it.”

Buffy squeezed Dawn’s hand lightly, wiped her tears and shook her head at the Scooby club. “All right! Enough of this bloody Hallmark moment. I’m gonna get in the shower and wash some more of my blood down the drain.”

Buffy hopped off the table and headed towards the stairs where she stopped and looked back at them. “Oh, by the way, I’m sorry for all the shit I’ve ever put you through.” The group just stared in shock at her admission of remorse. Buffy patted her chest indicating her injury. “Thanks for fixing me.”

Xander, Anya and Willow began to sputter out “You’re Welcomes” and “It was nothing” but Buffy stopped them by raising her hand. “Again! Enough of this mushy gushy human sentiment! OK?”

Dawn walked over to Buffy, took her hand and led her up stairs. “I’ll show you where the towels are.”

Twenty minutes later, Buffy and Dawn descended the stairs together. Dawn was in her yummy ice cream pajamas and Buffy was wearing an old tee shirt that belonged to Spike and a pair of Dawn’s underpants and pajama bottoms that were a little too long so she had to roll them up at the ankle.

*****

Buffy had felt weird about wearing Dawn’s underwear, but Dawn knew she needed them from seeing the blood on her thighs. Dawn showed Buffy how to put a panty liner into the underwear. Buffy shook her head at the concept. “It’s been a very long time since I’ve needed anything of the sort. But these are great! I wish they’d had these in the Nineteenth Century.”

*****

“Why don’t you lie down and I’ll go get you some cocoa, OK?” Dawn said as she handed Buffy a blanket.

“With marshmallows?” Buffy asked hopefully.

“Sure, with marshmallows.”

When Dawn entered the kitchen she heard the Scooby gang discussing what had happened to their not so reluctant vampire ally.

Xander shook his head in disbelief. “What was up with that? You think she’s really sorry? I mean how can she be? She’s not Drusilla all cursed with a soul.”

Willow shrugged. “I don’t know Xander. Maybe she’s just been hanging out with humans so much that we’re beginning to rub off on her. I mean she did help us all summer when Spike was dead and she didn’t even know that we were going to try and bring him back. If she was totally evil, she would have just left after he was gone, right?”

“You know, not all demons are totally evil. There are a lot of species that don’t do anything that would be considered any more evil than what most humans do.” Anya said defiantly.

“Like which species?” Willow asked.

“Well, there’s the Racknar species that feeds on cows only. We humans do that every day, with the milk and the hamburgers and all. Are they totally evil?” Anya asked.

Xander was surprised. “Really? They live on hamburgers?”

“No, they just drink their blood and eat the sexual organs. Most humans write it off as Alien cattle mutilations, but it’s just the Racknar.”

Willow went to the refrigerator; all this cow talk was making her thirsty for cookies and milk. As she poured herself a glass, she continued to voice her thoughts on the Buffy issue. “But, Buffy is a vampire not a Racknar demon, we’ve all seen what she’s capable of. But, then that was before the government got a hold of her and before . . .”

“Before she fell in love with my brother.” Dawn said as she put the kettle on the stove.

Xander shuddered at the thought. “Yeah, before she got obsessed with your brother.”

“It’s not obsession, Xander. She really does love him.” Dawn defended.

“But, Dawnie, she doesn’t have a soul, and that makes her evil.” Xander said quietly.

“And the fact that the guy who tried to rape her tonight had a soul makes him what? Good? You know, I’m beginning to think that there’s just as many soulful monsters in the world as there are soulless ones!”

Spike opened the front door and took off his coat. He was exhausted from patrol and doing way too much thinking. All he wanted now was a hot shower and a warm bed.

As he walked into the living room he saw a small figure curled up on the couch underneath a blanket. Spike recognized that blond head of hair instantly. “Buffy.” He hissed in annoyance at her presence in his home at this late hour. “All right, Buffy! Party’s over, get your dead ass up and out of my house!” Spike whipped the blanket off of her and roughly tugged her up off the couch.

He hadn’t been prepared for the sound that came out of Buffy’s mouth. It was that of a wounded animal, so pain filled and excruciating to hear that he immediately let go of her and she dropped to the floor in a heap.

Then suddenly, the whole gang came running into the room from the kitchen. Dawn was holding a mug of hot chocolate with marshmallows, obviously prepared for Buffy. She was furious. “Spike! What did you do?”

Spike was stunned. “I-I just, um. . .” Then Spike saw Buffy rise to her feet holding her chest. He could see the blood begin to seep through the tee shirt she wore as she winced in pain.

Willow furrowed her brow. “Oh, damn! Buffy, you must’ve popped a stitch.”

Buffy looked down at her chest, a single tear fell onto her cheek as she tried to shake the wave of nausea she suddenly felt. * Too much alcohol and too little blood, makes Buffy a woozy vamp. *

Spike was so confused. The last time he saw her this evening she was playing ghost in the mirror with Dawn and now she was bruised and bloodied in his living room. “Buffy, what the hell happened to you?”

“You don’t really wanna know, Slayer. No need to rehash the whole nightmare, not much we can do about it now.” Buffy replied.

* Why does she always have to be such a fucking pain in the ass? * Spike thought.

Willow gestured for Buffy to come with her into the kitchen. “Come on, Buffy, I’ll sew you back up.”

“No thanks, Red. I’ll be all healed soon enough.” Buffy went into the foyer and started to put on her boots.

Spike was too tired and too conflicted about his feelings towards Buffy for him to even try being patient with her right now. “Oh for Christ’s sake, Buffy! Just tell me what kind of demon did this to you and I’ll. . .”

“And you’ll what? Slay it for me? Oh that’s rich! Sorry, luv, but this one’s beyond your reach.” Buffy spat back at the Slayer as she gingerly put her duster on.

As if Spike wasn’t pissed before, he was beyond pissed now. “Fine! If you didn’t want my help then what the hell are you doing in my house, uninvited, again?”

Buffy gave Spike a cold smile. “You know what, Slayer? I don’t ever want your help ever again. If I need someone to help me, I’ll go to someone who actually gives a shit about me. And if she happens to live under the same roof as you, well that’s just an inconvenience you’ll have to deal with from time to time. For now, I’m going to just going to get my dead ass out of your house. Good night.” She opened the door and left without another word.

Spike looked at the uncomfortable expression on his friends’ faces and tried to break the tension. “Wow! Guess you guys had a rougher time than I did tonight and I dusted five vampires.”

Dawn took the mug she was holding and threw it at the front door smashing the ceramic and splashing cocoa everywhere.

“Dawn! What the hell is going on?” Spike yelled at his little sister.

“She got sexually assaulted, beaten and shot in the chest tonight! By a human! She couldn’t fight back! And you’re so busy playing ‘Holier than thou’ that you didn’t even notice the bruises on her face before you pulled her off the couch! God! Sometimes, Spike you can be the most incredible asshole!”

*********

Spike sat in the kitchen with a blank expression on his face as his friends recounted the story of Buffy’s ordeal in detail. Spike examined her bloody clothes sitting on the counter in front of him. He held up the blood stained white lace panties. The crotch had been completely ripped out. The bile rose in his throat when he tried to picture what had happened to her. Buffy must have been so scared and so helpless and he wasn’t there to help her. Some sick and twisted monster, no matter how human he was, had tried to rape her - and it was entirely his fault. If he hadn’t pushed her away, she wouldn’t have tried to make him jealous and they could’ve spent tonight in pleasure instead of pain. She didn’t deserve this, no one, not even Buffy deserved this. Why was it he could protect perfect strangers from death and destruction when he couldn’t even protect the ones he loved from the same fate? The pieces fell into place as he stared at his lover’s blood stained clothes.

Spike sighed at his own stupidity. “Dawn was right. I really am an asshole.”

Xander shook his head. “No, no you’re not. You didn’t know this would happen.”

“Shit, Xander! She got brutally attacked, you almost got killed, where the fuck was I?”

“Doing your job, man! You have to patrol. You can’t be everywhere at once.” Xander replied.

“No, I can’t, but I have to be able to at least protect the people that matter most to me! The people I love . . .” Spike stopped his speech and looked at Xander with a look of fierce determination on his face. “You say you got a good look at this son of a bitch?”

Xander was a little frightened by the look on his best friend’s face. “Yeah? Why?”

“Let’s take Anya home, you and I are gonna go for a little ride.”