Chapter 3

"I'm sorry Will. I know I said I would go, but I can't." Buffy said dejectedly. "Giles said he needed me here this weekend." Buffy said as she sat on her bed.

"Why? There's plenty of slayers now, you don't need to be here for slaying." Willow said as she sat down beside Buffy.

"I know. He has to go to London for some kind of Watcher business, I really don't remember exactly, all I remember is him saying I'm needed here in his place." Buffy replied quietly.

Willow huffed as she threw herself down on the bed and stared at the ceiling. Quickly followed by Buffy.

"This is so not fair." Buffy said.

Willow never replied just continued to look at the ceiling.

"Where's Giles?" Willow said as a thought came to her.

"I don't know. I think he went out in the yard." Buffy said as she sat up.

"Pack a bag." Was all Willow said as she walked out of the room.

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"I don't know what you said to him, but thanks Willow." Buffy said as she threw her bag into the back of the car.

"Nothing much." Willow said smiling as she climbed behind the wheel.

Buffy and Willow smiled as they looked at one another when the car started.

"I can't wait to see Xander." Buffy said as she rolled her window down.

"Me too." Willow replied as she pulled out on to the road and drove.

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"Oh god. That had to have been the grossest restroom ever." Buffy said as her body shook just thinking about all those germs that had to have jumped on her.

Willow visibly shivered at the remembrance.

"No more stops at gas stations." Buffy said quickly as she used wet wipes trying to clean away the germs and possible diseases.

Willow nodded vigorously as she eyed the wet wipes.

"If you want I'll drive if you want to clean up." Buffy offered as she started putting all the used wipes in a bag.

Willows was torn between wanting to be germ and possibly disease free and arriving at Xanders in one piece as her face paled, remembering the last time she was in the car as Buffy drove. Another shudder ripped through her body.

"No, I'm good." Willow replied as she looked longingly at those towelettes in Buffy's hand.

"You sure Will?" Buffy asked as she put them in the glove compartment.

"Yeah, positive." Willow replied quickly but with a smile. *Oh god, my leg is itchy, is something crawling up my leg?* Willow thought as she chewed on her lip.

She glanced over and saw Buffy put on her sunglasses and turn to watch out the window.

"Hey there's a store." Willow said quickly. "Kinda thirsty." Willow added as she pulled off the highway.

"I'll get it." Buffy said as she slid out of the car.

Once Buffy was out of sight Willow dove for the glove compartment.

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"We're coming up on L.A. Wanna stop and see Angel?" Willow said watching Buffy out of the corner of her eye.

"No." Buffy said quietly as she continued to stare out the window.

"Really?" Willow said flabbergasted as her head spun to look at Buffy.

"Yeah, really. I don't wanna........ I can't.....It's so complicated Willow." Buffy finally said.

"Why don't you tell me? I thought you and Angel were friends." Willow said quietly.

"We are friends. But after the last time we saw each other, I realized somethings, and I'm not ready to see him yet." Buffy answered.

"What kinda things?" Willow asked as her brows furrowed.

"Big things. Life altering kinda things. Life that doesn't involve him things." Buffy said as she turned to face Willow.

"Well isn't that why he left Sunnydale in the first place?" Willow asked. "Why be afraid to talk to him?"

"I'm not afraid. Just not ready. And ya, that's why he left. But he never really left Willow. He said he'd wait, but he's not the one I want to be waiting." Buffy said as she laid her head back against the seat and closed her eyes.

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Buffy had fallen asleep as Willow drove through L.A. Willow watched the building as she drove past Wolfram and Hart.

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"Buff." Xander said as he enveloped Buffy in a tight hug.

"Hey." Buffy almost whispered as she returned the hug gently.

"So good to see you guys." Xander said as he hugged Willow lifting her off her feet, spinning her around.

"I missed you too." Willow whispered in his ear as her tears fell.

"Hey, what's this? They better be happy tears." Xander said as he set her down and pulled back.

Willow just smiled as she laid her head on his shoulder.

"We really miss you Xander. Hence the road trip." Buffy said as she grabbed their bags from the car.

Xander smiled as he pulled away from Willow and grabbed the bags from Buffy.

"C'mon, I'll show you where you can sleep." Xander said as he turned towards the building followed by Willow and Buffy.

When they were all settled they converged in the living room. Willow and Xander sat and talked about Tara and Anya while Buffy sat and listened.

"Remember Buff?" Xander said as he smiled.

"Huh? What?" Buffy asked bringing herself out of her thoughts as she looked at Xander.

"When Spike first came to Sunnydale, how we were all scared of him. Kinda ironic that he came there to kill you.......and ended up dying to save you. Save us all." Xander said quietly as he watched Buffy.

"I.......I'm really tired. I'm sorry Xand. I think I should get some sleep." Buffy said with a small smile as she got up and went to the bedroom.

"Do you think there was more to their relationship than they let on?" Xander asked quietly.

"Not physically, no. But there was something there that we never saw, or didn't want to.........or even understand." Willow said as she too a sip of her tea.

"He doesn't want her to know." Xander stated as he took a swallow of his beer.

"No. But I think she should know." Willow said placing her cup on the table.

"He said it was easier this way. That it was for the best. If it was meant to be it'll happen when it's time. When he's ready." Xander said looking at Willow.

"What if he never tells her?" Willow asked.

"Then it's what he wanted. Look Willow, I never liked him. I never hid that fact from anyone. But I respect him for what he did and is trying to do." Xander said shaking his head slightly. "He's doing what he thinks is right, for all we know it could be. I for one am not going to be the guy to take his decision from him. Looking back at Spike's entire existence, it's always been taken from him. Becoming a vampire, getting chipped, fight for Buffy or else........until he wanted too on his own, what the First did. Hell even the amulet, Buffy gave it to him.......there was no decision for him to make. It's his choice Will, I can't take it from him." Xander said as he drained his bottle.

Willow and Xander stayed p awhile longer, falling asleep together on the couch.

Chapter 4

Willow woke up to see Buffy sitting out on the balcony sipping a cup of coffee.

Willow went to the kitchen and poured herself a cup and joined Buffy, closing the glass door behind her so they wouldn't disturb a still sleeping Xander.

Buffy just smiled at Willow before turning her gaze back out to the city before them.

"Buffy........can I ask you something? If it makes you uncomfortable you don't have to answer." Willow said quietly running a finger around the rim of her mug.

"Okay." Buffy answered quietly after a minute.

"Whenever Spike is brought up in conversation you get really quiet, then make an excuse and leave. Was there something going on between the two of you?" Willow asked softly as she watched Buffy.

Buffy stared straight ahead not answering.

Willow lowered her head slowly as she took a deep breath.

"It's okay you don't have to answer............

"No. Not in the way that you mean. There was nothing between us like that." Buffy said as she turned to face Willow. "But I wanted there to be." Buffy added whispering as a tear fell.

Willow moved forward in her seat and placed a comforting hand on Buffys arm.

"That night when..............the night I was told to leave." Buffy said quietly. "None of you wanted me around. You were scared..... so was I." Buffy said looking at Willow.

A silent tear fell down Willow cheek as she watched Buffys carefully hidden feelings come out.

"He found me.......in some random house I picked as I walked around, I was so tired, so lost Will....and I was scared. Scared we were all going to die and there was nothing I could do to stop it." Buffy said as she relived that night in her mind.

"He wouldn't leave me. No matter what he wouldn't leave me." Buffy said as more tears fell.

"I remember every word he said to me that night. When he said them I knew he meant every word. Everything he said, it gave me the strength I needed to fight and win." Buffy said quietly. "If it wasn't for him, I don't think I could have."

"What did he say to you?" Willow asked softly, curiously.

"He said he loved me, that he didn't want anything from me, that it didn't have anything to do with him. He said he loved what I am, what I do........how I try. He said he's seen my strength and my kindness. The best and worst of me........and that he understood with perfect clarity exactly what I am. He told me that I was a hell of a woman. I was the one." Buffy said with a sad smile.

Willow fell back into her chair and stared out into the city.

"When I figured out how to win, I thought when it was all over I could tell him. But when the amulet took over, he knew right then he wouldn't make it. I tried to get him to leave, but he refused to go. I grabbed his hand and I told him................he didn't beleive me." Buffy said as she wiped away another tear.

"What did you tell him?" Willow asked quietly looking back to Buffy.

"That I loved him.........he said 'No you don't, but thanks for saying it.' " Buffy said quietly. "He died thinking I didn't love him. But I love him more than I've ever loved anyone. See........it's not Angel I want to be waiting for me." Buffy said as she stood up and opened the door going into the apartment.

Willow sat on the balcony and turned when when she heard Xander coming out.

"I heard." Xander said as he sat beside Willlow.

"I didn't think her feelings for him were that deep or strong. What are we going to do Xander?" Willow said as she laid her head on his shoulder.

Xander let out a long breath as he ran his fingers over Willows hair.

"Remember what I said lastnight." Xander said as he took a drink of coffee.

Willow nodded her head.

"Well forget it. Think we can pull it off by Christmas?" Xander asked.

Willow smiled as she turned to look at Xander.

"You keep Buffy busy. I think I'm gonna take a quick side trip to LA. I'll see you tonight." Willow said as she stood up.

Xander nodded as Willow went into the apartment and headed for the bathroom.

Willow showered and dressed quickly then went to the car.

Willow pulled out her phone as she started driving down the street.

"Hello?" Spike said as he picked up the phone in his apartment.

"Hey Spike, it's me." Willow said as she smiled.

"Red.....everythings ok?" Spike asked worriedly.

"Well sort of, but not really. Look I'm actually on my way there now, I should be there in about an hour." Willow said as she turned the corner and heading out on to the highway.

"What do you mean not really?" Spke asked quickly.

*This may not be as hard as I thought* Willow thought to herself.

"I'll talk to you about it when I get there okay. I'll see you soon." Willow said as she closed her phone.

Spike looked at the phone worriedly as he sat waiting for Willow to arrive. This was going to be a very long hour.

Chapter 5

"So what's going on?" Spike asked quickly jumping to his feet when he saw Willow come through his door.

"Nothing apocolipty, don't worry. Just a minor problem really. I though maybe you could help with." Willow said smiling sheepishly.

Spike rolled his eyes as he sat back down.

"You could have said that you know. Nearly gave me a bloody heart attack. Well.....if my heart beat, it would have." Spike said exasperated.

Willow came over to sit across from Spike.

"You can say no if you want." Willow started to say.

"I might." Spike cut in as he smirked at her.

"Thing is....Buffy is leaving for England a few days before Christmas. All the slayers will be travelling with her, as well as Giles. They're going there to oversee the set up of the new council. Some slayers will come back, others will stay. Strictly volunteer on who stays. Buffy will be coming back, but she'll return with the other slayers around the end of January. That leaves the hellmouth unguarded for a month. It's just me there, and I was wondering if you could come and help out for a month." Willow said as she took a breath.

Spike leaned back on the couch as he lit a smoke.

"You haven't told her?" Spike said as he looked at Willow through hooded eyes.

"No Spike. I said I wouldn't." Willow said honestly.

Spike rolled his cigarette through his finger as he thought about what Willow was asking.

"Can I think about this?" Spike aske quietly.

"If it makes you uncomfortable you don't have to. I can always aske Xander if you're not up to it." Willow said as she grabbed her purse making to leave.

"Xander.........how is he gonna help?" Spike asked dumbfounded.

"He's been fighting demons all these years too." Willow said in defence.

"More watching than fighting. He doesn't have the strength or the stamina and you know it Red." Spike said slightly agitated.

"Maybe not, but it's not like I have alot of choices here Spike." Willow said matter of factly.

"Why not Peaches?" Spike asked quickly.

"Angel wouldn't leave L.A., too much for him to do here now." Willow said.

"Why me?" Spike asked quietly.

"I know you. I trust you. You're the only one who could do it." Willow said with a small smile.

Spike ducked his head as he smiled. "Okay. I'll come." Spike replied quietly.

"Thank you Spike. I'll call you when she leaves for London." Willow said as she got up and grabbed her jacket.

"Where are you off too? You just got here." Spike said watching her.

"Xanders expecting me. I didn't have very much time to stop here this time. But you have my number, call anytime." Willow said smiling as she walked out the door.

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Willow was driving back to Xanders when her phone rang.

She pulled it out of her pocket and placed it to her ear.

"Hello." Willow said as she watched a car pass her.

"Hello Red." Spike said casually.

Willow started to laugh. "I'v only been gone twenty minutes Spikes."

"I know, but I needed to ask you something I've been thinking about for some time now." Spike replied seriously.

"Ask away." Willow said listening intently.

"What do you think Buffy's reaction would be if she seen me? Do you think I'm right in staying away?" Spike asked quietly.

"I think you already know my answer Spike." Willow replied.

"Humor me?" Spike said with a gravely voice.

"I think she would cry if she seen you." Willow said softly.

"Yeah, maybe it's best this way then." Spike said swallowing the lump in his throat.

"Happy tears Spike, not sad." Willow said soothingly. "Think about it Spike."

Spike nodded instead of answering.

"I'll talk to you soon." Willow said as she closed her phone and continued driving to Xanders with a smile forming on her lips.