The night air had finally cooled from the earlier heat of the day, as Buffy stood outside on the front porch of the Summer’s house; ‘Slayer Central’ for some time now.

A casual observer would never imagine the power and determination that filled the petite frame of the blonde Slayer, however, Sunnydale had no casual observers now. Most of the inhabitants had left town, running from a sensation of dread they didn’t understand, but running anyway. The few people that remained were far from casual.

They were deadly serious. Because, be they on the side of evil and the First, or good and the Slayers, all too soon many of them would be quite seriously dead.

Buffy gazed up at the far away twinkle of the stars, then down the empty street, finally making a decision. It wasn’t even one that she’d had to think about very hard. In fact, the impulse that set her feet in motion was almost as unconscious as breathing until she grasped the handrail on her way downstairs to the basement.
 
 

      ~*~
 

‘If I couldn't be the shoulder
Which your head would rest upon
Would you still be waiting
Or would you be gone?’

Spike sat on the side of the narrow bed where he slept in the basement. He’d been amazed that Buffy’d let him stay in the house at all, but then when she’d asked to sleep beside him…

It had been heaven and hell.

Heaven to have her beside him, to hold her in his arms. Hell because he knew he didn’t deserve to have her there after all he’d done, after what he was. Heaven because he loved her so very much, because she showed him more trust in lying beside him and drifting off to sleep in his arms than the blonde vampire could ever have imagined. Hell because he was terrified that she was going to die, or even worse, that the First Evil would manage somehow, after all they’d done, to make him kill her.

Spike stared through the gaudy jewel-like object Buffy had given him earlier. Angel had brought it, thinking to wear it himself, but Buffy had sent the dark-haired vampire who’d been the love of her life, away. She'd given the bauble to Spike, calling him a champion. Of all the many things he’d been called over the years, champion had probably been fartherest from anyone’s thoughts. He’d been called demon, killer, murderer, monster… And he had been all of those things. Then he’d come to Sunnydale, met Buffy and imperceptibly his life had begun to change. He’d fallen in love with the one girl in the world that he should have killed. Instead he’d sought and regained his soul… For her, for him. Spike wasn’t even sure any longer why he’d done it, and didn’t know if it actually mattered now.

He held the amulet up slightly to the light, looking through it but was interrupted by the sound of feet on the stairs. He knew the sound of her step anywhere.

Pocketing the amulet, he rose from the bed, pulled to her by her very presence.
 

                  ~*~

‘If I could I surely would
Baby, ease your pain
But if I could no longer
Would you still know my name?’
 

Spike was walking toward her as Buffy reached the bottom of the stairs.

The sight of him caused her breath to catch in her throat, her chest to suddenly feel tight, her skin too small.

She stood perfectly still as she simply looked at him. He’d ceased to move, mirroring her motions, or lack of, in this case. Buffy wasn’t sure why he was affecting her this strongly or deeply all of a sudden. She felt as if she’d never actually seen him before when the truth was, she’d pretty much seen all of him there was, at one time or another. She’d held all of him as well. Sometimes in ways that threatened to make her blush… or gag.

But now… She couldn’t imagine why she’d been embarrassed or dismayed by anything they had done. As she looked at his slim, muscular body she could almost feel him beneath her finger tips, taste him on her lips…

Buffy remembered that she’d told Angel that Spike was in her heart, but now she felt like he was in every pore of her being too, as desire washed through her.

She took one hesitant step toward him, then another, only to see him continue to mirror her movements. In seconds that seemed to take forever, she was in his arms, her hands on his face, holding him close as she kissed him, needing to feel the weight of his mouth on hers.

‘And it's a leap of faith,
when you believe there's someone out there,
it's a leap of faith when you believe that someone cares, oh,
and when I call out to you,
will you be right there,
right there.’

Spike slid his hands across Buffy’s ribs, up her back to curl his hands over her shoulders, pulling her closer to him as he tasted her lips, gently licking at her mouth like he was seeking the last drops of a vintage wine from a glass.

Her hand moved to tangle into his hair, pulling a moan from him; the slight sound falling into her mouth to mingle with her own small whimper as she pressed even closer to him.

Reluctantly, Spike tried to break the kiss to allow her to catch her breath, but instead Buffy clung even more tightly to him, so he reached lower on her body, lifting her slowly up his own body, her lips still on his.

Buffy wrapped her legs around his hips as he picked her up from the floor. She felt as thought she couldn’t get close enough to him but she was determined to try.

She could tell by the motion that Spike was carrying her across the room toward his bed… the bed she’d shared with him last night. Somewhere in the back of her very occupied mind, she realized that made two nights in a row she’d slept in his arms and knew that tonight would make three. She also knew she didn’t want to be anywhere else except where he was beside her.

Spike slowly lowered her until she stood at the side of the bed. As much as he wanted her, it had to be her decision. She had to let him know what she wanted.

Finally managing to break their kiss, he pulled back enough to look into her eyes.

The blue-green of them was bluer than he remembered. He’d seen them glinting green sparks into the night when she was so brassed that… Well, he’d seen them green a lot. But blue?

Her nails under his shirt as they raked gently up his back pulled a gasp from lungs that didn’t need air, only to get caught in his throat, as Spike suddenly knew what all the blue meant. The blonde vampire struggled to still the trembling of his hand as he reached to brush the hair from her face. He tried to ask, tried to speak to her, but she simply covered his lips with her fingertips, the need, the desire, naked on her face.
Spike had seen her flushed with lust, had seen her face still and unmoving as she went through the mechanical motions of sex, but until now, he’d never seen the softness of desire as she gazed at him with eyes as blue as a tropical ocean.

Buffy slid her hands up his arms, then let them trail gently back down as she slowly sat on the edge of the bed, holding his hands in hers. She pulled slightly, bringing him down beside her on the bed. She saw the pleasantly surprised look of amazement on his face and felt the joy of surprising him bubble through her, mixing with the need and desire for him that was already so intense it threatened to melt her into a puddle beside him.

She looked steadily into his eyes, finding them the familiar piercing blue of a flawless autumn sky. Her steady gaze continued as she reached to pull her shirt over her head, reluctant to break contact for even a second.

Once her shirt was gone by her own hands, they lost little time in undressing each other. Each article of clothing was another layer of armour gone, another tiny opening in the walls around each heart. One of which was beating so hard its owner was breathless while the other wanted desperately to feel his beat in time with hers, yet burned with new hope.

      ~*~

Buffy lay in the cool circle of his arms, her lips moving gently against his chest as she kissed his pale, cool skin; his cheek rubbing her hair.

They’d not been together in such a long time that their lovemaking had been hurried. Not that it had been any less satisfying for either of them, but they knew they were waiting for him to recover. A vampire Spike might be, but he still had the same need for rest afterwards as any breathing human male. He simply just didn’t need as long a rest…

Buffy exhaled a small sigh of lingering desire as she held him to her, his slender hand stroking down the line of her naked back.

Spike listened to the sound of her satisfaction and knew it was one of the most beautiful things he’d heard in years. It reached down deep inside of him, touching, caressing things impossible to touch and he felt the tightening in his chest, and in his groin as he leaned slightly to kiss her again.

'Cause I can feel you breathe
It's washing over me
Suddenly I'm melting into you
There's nothing left to prove
Baby all we need is just to be’

Buffy arched into Spike, returning the kiss, her hands running across the hard muscles of his abdomen.
Spike shifted position until he was over her on the narrow bed. He wanted to show her how much he loved her, how beautiful she was to him… He wanted to make love to her. This could be the last night he ever had with her and the blonde vampire wanted to show her how gentle and loving he could be.

Buffy looked down her body at the top of his white blonde hair, shivers running through her at the fiery trail his mouth was etching on her body. Spike glanced up, catching her glance as he let everything he was feeling fill his eyes. He was gratified to see an answering darkness fill her eyes as the lids slid closed with desire. He knew at that moment that what he’d seen was not the darkness of anger but one that had everything to do with her reaction to his touch on her body, the love in his eyes and the desire that suffused her.

Buffy felt Spike’s lips smile against her skin, registering its meaning moments before he resumed the assault on her body using nothing more than his lips and tongue and all reason abandoned her. Her hands clenched into the bedclothes as her hips angled upwards, straining closer to him.

Spike licked and nibbled his way over all the most sensitive places of her before settling himself between her legs. His tongue flicked quickly back and forth over the sensitive tissue and bundle of nerves that nestled in the damp curls. Buffy gasped and clutched at his hair, trying to urge him to a faster pace, but he chuckled slightly, letting the breath escape against her skin as he refused to be hurried.
Spike gave Buffy his total attention even as she writhed against him, mewling from the pleasure he was creating. He could tell she was close to imploding when he pulled her sensitive nub into his mouth, letting his tongue flick slightly lower while he sucked at her trembling flesh. Seconds later he felt her spasm.

Buffy felt the cloth of the sheets shred under the nails of one hand as the other groped blindly for the wall beside the bed. She reached for anything to help her hold on to the world from which Spike’s exquisite torture had finally sent her spinning. Sensations overwhelmed her and she was only distantly aware of him shifting position again, pausing to wipe his mouth on the corner of the sheet before she felt the hard length of him ease inside her. She grabbed his shoulders, wanting to feel him deeper; her inner muscles still spasming as he worked himself into her.

The moment she felt her muscles clench around him, the intensity of the orgasm increased. The scream that shuddered through her was barely a whisper of sound as she struggled to pull enough air into her lungs past the pleasure filling her body. Pleasure that had been caused by Spike, that was Spike…

     ~*~

‘Caught up in the touch
The slow and steady rush
Baby, isn't that the way that love's supposed to be
I can feel you breathe
Just breathe’

Finally sheathed inside the wet, grasping heat of her, Spike moved slowly, gently; as he leaned down to kiss her. When Buffy broke the kiss to look into his eyes, he knew she understood what he was doing. He saw the tear slide unheeded down the side of her face as she gazed at him, her fingers tracing the edge of his lips while she matched her movements to his.

Though Spike’s heart didn’t beat, it could break and did, knowing this could be their last night together. That as they wordlessly proclaimed their love for each other, they were also saying goodbye.

How long they made love that night, neither of them remembered, but when they finally lay spend and sated in each other’s arms, they heard only the sounds of silence from upstairs.

No words had been spoken since Buffy had descended the stairs hours before. They had not felt the need for words but had said almost everything that needed to be said with a touch, a kiss, or a shared look.
Buffy nestled her head under his chin to rest on his shoulder, his arm wrapped around her. She tucked her knee between his and draped an arm around his waist, sighing against his chest as she finally allowed her eyes to close, a peaceful smile on her lips as she drifted to sleep feeling loved and safe, even if ‘safe’ was only for tonight.

Spike pressed a kiss against her hair, inching slightly closer and resting his other arm across her ribs before he too drew in a deep, satisfied breath, scented with the muskiness of their love-making and best of all, the simple warm, sleepy scent of Buffy beside him.

Spike closed his eyes and slept.

‘you are the light
that's leading me to the place
where I find peace again
you are the strength
that keeps me walking
you are the hope
that keeps me trusting
you are the light to my soul
you are my purpose
you're everything
and how can I stand here with you
and not be moved by it
would you tell me how could it be
any better than this’

                    ~*~ ~*~
 

Buffy just stood, amazed as she stared at Spike, the cavern falling around them. The other Slayers had ascended the stairs, leaving the hellmouth while Buffy and Spike stood alone. The light filled him, causing him to appear like living gold.

Shock filled Buffy’s face as she stared at her lover; her heart feeling as thought it’s clogging her throat. She struggled to force the words past the fear for him that filled her, but Spike simply looked at her, finally stretching out one hand.

“I mean it. I gotta do this.”

Buffy dragged her gaze from his face to the lone hand, reaching out to her. Reaching out, she slipped her fingers between his, folding them over his hand…

* No! I’m going to lose him! Not now, not this way! I never told him… I didn’t understand. I didn’t know! *  Buffy’s rapid thoughts seared into her mind. Not sure what to do, how to save him, but she knew she had to, Buffy finally understood what Spike meant to her…

Buffy looked into his face again, saw it filled with the light, suffused with a kind of painful joy. Her heart felt incredibly heavy in her breast while the realization settled like lead in the pit of her stomach. She knew she wasn’t going to be able to save him. She’d waited too long. Had failed to understand herself or him and now it was too late. There was only one thing more she could give him before she gave him his dignity…

Buffy looked at their clasped hands, lit by an unearthly flame and acceptance filled her with an uneasy peace as she looked back into his face.

“I love you.”

If he’d had breath, it would have rushed out of him just hearing her words. He’d waited so long and they were beautiful. Those three words from her meant more to him than she’d ever know, but he couldn’t let her stay. The cavern was falling in around them; he could feel the fire from the light burning him away. Spike marveled that he couldn’t feel the flame around their hands, her small, strong hand that had clasped his on her own…

Buffy was the most beautiful thing he’d ever known. When she’d given her life to save the world, he’d wanted to stand and embrace the sunlight, following her. But he’d made her a promise that he couldn’t break.

Now… she’d given him everything he could want and Spike knew that he had to giver her back her life. He smiled at her; wanting to touch her cheek, kiss her lips, but the light held him a prisoner. He didn’t dare let her stay. “No you don't. But thanks for saying it.”

With those words, Spike tried to release her, to convince her to save herself. He’d told her before that one of them had to live and this time he was determined that it would be her.

The cavern shook again, harder this time. Spike managed to move enough to push Buffy away instead of pulling her closer, touching her…

“It's your world up there. Now GO!”

Buffy looked into the gold-tinged blue eyes she’d come to love and understood what he was doing. In a fraction of a second she thought of how she’d killed Angel, how she’d sacrificed herself and knew what Spike was doing… for her, for the world, for himself.

She looked into his eyes one last time, trying to tell him again how she felt, then gave him all of her love and his dignity as she turned and ran out of the cavern…

      ~*~

 ‘You are the light
 That's leading me to the place
 Where I find peace… again
 You are the strength
 That keeps me walking
 You are the hope
 That keeps me trusting
 You are the life
 To my soul
 You are my purpose
 You're everything
 

Buffy stood at the rear of the bus, the others crowding around her, talking to her, asking questions… What were they going to do, where were they going to go…

Buffy had no answers for them at that moment. She only knew that she felt Spike’s loss. The vamp – no, the man she loved was gone. Once more she’d lost someone important to her.

The smile crept across her face of it’s own volition.

* Yeah, he’s gone. But I got to tell him that I loved him, finally. We got to make love instead of that, whatever we did before. And he proved that I was right about him. He did change. He was a good man. He saved the world for all of us. I can hold that close for the years to come when I remember his touch, the scent of him… As long as I hold him here in my heart, he’ll never be truly gone. *

Buffy knew the smile she wore was bittersweet, as she took in a breath before turning around to face her friends and family…

‘It feels like home to me, it feels like home to me
It feels like I'm all the way back where I come from
It feels like home to me, it feels like home to me
It feels like I'm all the way back where I belong
But I'm alright, 'cause I have you here with me
And I can almost see, through the dark there is light
Well, if you knew how much this moment means to me
And how long I've waited for your touch
And if you knew how happy you are making me
I never thought that I'd love anyone so much’