Enlightened
Written by: Love’s Bitch a.k.a. Kristin L. M.
Author's Website
Summary: After another shared dream, Buffy thinks that Spike has turned
her, and that's why she's back from the dead. And she's mad as hell. What
happens when she realizes the truth?
Spoilers: Third part in my Enthralled series, takes place after my fics
Enthralled and Embraced. HINT: GO READ THEM.
Distribution: If you like it that much, you are my new best friend! Just
let me know where it's going.
Disclaimer: Joss's creation, my obsession. Lyrics belong to Billy Joel's
"And So It Goes"
Feedback: Better than drugs! Will you help feed my addiction? miserychastain@hotmail.com
Spike jumped, startled at the sound of someone pounding on his front door.
He almost dropped the bottle of JD he was sipping and cursed whoever might
be out there. "Chip or no, I just may kill 'im," he growled on his way to
the door. The thought cheered him a little. When Spike opened the crypt's
door, he did drop the bottle, which shattered at his feet.
It was Buffy.
Dressed all in black, a dowdy dress Giles had picked for the funeral, she
was covered in mud head to toe. But Spike knew instantly who it was. And
that she was mightily brassed off. As if he needed confirmation of this,
her right fist met his jaw, sending him flying across the room. He sat up,
rubbing his cheek and sputtering, "Buffy? It's you! Is it you? You're
dead," he knew he sounded daft, but his mind couldn't comprehend and his
mouth wouldn't stop. "You're gone.no changing that."
Buffy stood over him, a hateful smirk on her face. "Hi, Spike. Yeah, you're
right. I am dead." She cocked her head a little to the right as if
thinking. "Wait, no. Undead, that's the word." She glared at him, and he
could feel her anger burning holes into his skull.
"Und - a vampire? You're a - "
"Right again. But I expected you to know that since you're the one who
CHANGED ME!" She yelled the last part at him, jumping on him, raining
punches on his stomach and chest. Too stunned to fight back, Spike blocked
the fists until he could hold both of her wrists together, restraining her.
"Slayer that was a dream!" he shouted, utterly confused, "It was my dream
though.you couldn't have had it, you are.you were." And then he understood.
She'd woken up from the dream, woken up from death, and thought that the
dream had actually happened. "Pet, that was a dream, I had it too," he
ground out, angry that she thought he would ever do that to her. Angry that
she had front row seats to him changing her. She struggled against him, so
he pushed her away, scrambling to one side so she wasn't in staking range.
Both stood on opposite ends of the crypt, both breathing heavily, both
glaring at each other.
That was when Spike heard it. Strong and steady, he wondered how the Slayer
had missed it. Her heart beat. A large silly grin plastered itself across
his face, the relief overwhelming.
"Buffy, it was just a dream. I can hear it. Your heart." He took a few
steps forward and Buffy noticed the light in his eyes. She tried to place
the look but couldn't just yet. He stood directly in front of her, taking
one of her hands. She jumped a little at the contact, trying not to hit him
out of habit. He raised her hand, placing it over her heart, which she
instantly felt racing. "You're alive," he said, his voice choked with
emotion.
Too confused to notice it before, too worked up, too wrapped up in the
crawling out of her own grave, but there it was. The petite blonde's head
shot up and she looked at him, a matching smile on her face. In that
second, she realized two things. First, that his hand was still on top of
hers, over her beating heart, and second that the look in his eyes was
relief.
Buffy took a step back, away from the look and what it might mean, away
from his touch that she enjoyed all too much. "Alive," she breathed; her
hazel eyes never leaving Spike's blue ones. She was mesmerized by his
sapphire stare as she remembered the other dreams, and blushed. The other
dreams where he was dressed in blue silk and she cried out his name in
pleasure. His face clouded slightly and she could tell he had shared those
dreams as well.
And he knew it.
Her face flushed redder and Spike's silly grin turned into a heated look of
passion, underlined by his most seductive smirk. He lowered his head
slightly, looking up at her through his thick lashes.
"The others.you remember those, too?"
"I don't know what you're talking about," she turned to leave, unsure of
where to go or what to do. Did anyone know she was back? Would they be
glad? She suddenly felt claustrophobic, the weight of the nights events
finally hitting her. But Spike caught her at the door, turning her to meet
his gaze.
"You do remember," he almost whispered, and his theory was confirmed by her
avoiding his gaze. He took her chin in his hand, forcing her to look at
him. "I know this isn't the time. But there's a purpose here. Something's
behind this, people don't just share dreams randomly. Especially undead
people who aren't supposed to dream. There's gotta be a reason." He sighed,
reining in his emotions, deciding to let it drop until she was ready to
deal. She HAD just returned to life, after all. "Think about it, love. But
not now. We should find the Scoobs and let them know you were just playing
dead." He turned, going to get his duster so they could leave, but turned
back around as he heard the door to his crypt close. All he found behind
him was an empty crypt. "Bloody hell."
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
"Alive," Buffy said to herself, making her way home from the cemetery. Home
from Hell. She hugged herself against the cool evening air as she tried to
take in everything that had happened. There were so many things she didn't
understand, especially why she was back, and why she was sharing dreams
with a vampire. The blushing slayer thought out loud, "Especially those
kinds of dreams, and THAT vampire."
She walked up the path to her house, slowing her pace. She didn't know what
to think let alone what to tell her friends, Dawn, Giles. Buffy didn't even
know how long she'd been gone. What if no one even lived at her house now?
What if she knocked and a stranger answered? She finally took a deep
breath, trying to clear her head of all those questions. She knew in her
heart that it was just nonsense, fear leftover from her journey into
nothingness.
Gathering up her courage, Buffy knocked. She silently pleaded for a
familiar face, and a moment later, her prayer was answered. The door opened
revealing a smiling Willow. Her face fell slowly, all color draining from
her cheeks. "Buf - Buffy? Is it really you?"
The Slayer nodded and smiled, not sure what to say. Words abandoned Willow
as well, and in place of them, she fainted. Hearing her hit the floor the
others flooded the foyer. Soon, Xander, Anya, Tara and Dawn stood silent
with shocked faces, staring at her.
"Hi, guys," she said meekly, wanting to speak only to break the silence.
"Should we maybe help Willow?" She was getting nervous waiting for them to
say something, anything. Finally, it was Dawn who broke the silence, but
not with words. She shrieked in obvious joy and jumped to where Buffy
stood, pulling her into a tight hug. After a second of shock, Buffy let out
the breath she'd been holding, and hugged her sister back.
She was home.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Spike was pacing around his crypt, chain-smoking and talking to himself.
"Should have just kissed her," he was trying to be good, trying to let the
Slayer come to him, but it had been ten days, and it got harder not to go
looking for her with every second that passed. "She'll come back. She has
to deal with this," he muttered, continuing to make laps around the small
room. "Unless o'course she runs from this like she runs from every-bloody-
thing else." Another long drag on his cigarette. "No, she can't. She had
the same dreams, she has to know it meant something."
Suddenly there was a knock on his door, light and almost inaudible.
Somehow, he knew it was her. He felt a pull low in his gut and his entire
being cried out in joy. She had come. Unconsciously, a proud smirk crept
across his face, and answered the door. He hadn't even realized it had been
raining until he saw her, completely drenched, dark makeup running down her
face, blonde hair matted to her head.
Before he could say anything, ask if she was all right, or even offer her a
towel, she smiled wanly. "I've been standing here for an hour," she
started. She held her smile and Spike's eyes, and he had never been more
nervous. "I don't know why I'm back. And I don't know how. And I don't get
the whole dreams thing. But here's what I do know. I do know that I am
back. I know that I don't want to waste this chance I was given. And I know
that," she hesitated and Spike held his breath, even though he didn't need
to. She took another deep breath, her face resolved. "And I know that I
can't keep running from my feelings." She took a step closer to Spike,
cupping his cheek in her hand. "I know that when these dreams started, it
made me realize that.that."
She tried desperately to continue, and Spike screamed in his mind for her
to finish, but after a silent moment, the dream suddenly ended.
The vampire and the slayer woke up simultaneously, a town between them.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
An animalistic growl ripped through Spike's chest and out his throat, into
the cold night air. The bleached vampire was beyond frustrated. It had
indeed been ten days since the Slayer's miraculous return to life. And he
was trying to wait for her to come to him. And it truly was getting harder
as every moment passed. But the dreams were making it torture. All ten
nights she had come to him, all ten nights she had been smiling, drenched
from the rain, but able to admit how she felt. And all ten nights he had
awoken, wanting nothing more than to see her at his door.
He walked into his crypt, trying to remind himself of what she'd been
through, trying to tell himself to be patient, that romance was probably
the last thing on her mind. But seeing her, in his dreams, every night
telling him she wouldn't run away anymore, feeling her hand on his skin, it
became very difficult to sit back and wait. It became almost impossible not
to think about it.
But thinking was pretty much all Spike had been doing. He knew that Buffy
was having the dreams, too, and it was all he could do not to analyze
exactly what that meant. The last ten torturous dreams all went unfinished,
unsettled, just like the first run of dreams that had gone for a week
without resolution. It had to be because she wasn't ready to deal with her
feelings yet. He liked this theory a great deal, because of what it meant
for the first dreams they'd shared. It would mean that she did care for
him, that she did want him as much as he wanted her.
But if these new unresolved dreams meant that she just wasn't ready to deal
yet, he was afraid to even think about why. Because the depressed vampire
was fairly sure he knew why.
Spike rummaged through his trunk and found his last bottle of whiskey. With
a satisfied sigh, he ripped it open, chugging a third of it in one pull. He
flopped down in his chair, wishing the thoughts of why out of his head,
trying to sterilize his mind with alcohol. But the image of his fangs
ripping into her neck flashed repeatedly on the movie screen in his mind,
and the thought made him cringe. It was why she hadn't come to him; it was
why she couldn't deal. It was why she would never come to him.
She thought he was a monster.
And how could she not believe that? After having seen him in action, after
having seen how little convincing it took, after seeing the full extent of
his demon up close and personal, it was no wonder she couldn't bear the
sight of him.
Taking another deep breath and another pull from the bottle, he ignored the
single tear of self-hatred that found its way down his cheek. He remembered
with a shuddering sigh how the dream made him feel, the power of her asking
for it, of her wanting him to change her. And he hated himself for it. Even
though it was a dream, he hated the fact that he had given in, that he had
betrayed her so completely.
'Maybe she's right,' he thought sadly, 'I am a monster.'
The thought made him angry, because of how hard he had worked to prove to
her before she died that he wasn't a monster, that he had changed. If she
had seen him after the dream, how torn up he had been, how utterly
disgusted with himself he had been, she would see that he could never do
that to her. She had to know that he wouldn't do that; she saw how relieved
he was when they figured out that she was alive still.
With a jolt, Spike realized something. Maybe that was the point of the
dream. Obviously whoever was giving them these dreams knew how Buffy would
respond, knew that she would be out for Spike's ashes within moments of
waking. Maybe the purpose of showing her what he was capable of was to also
show her that he would never do such a thing. To show her the light of joy
in his eyes when they realized that she was with heartbeat and breath.
To show her once and for all, that he wasn't a monster.
Damning himself for not figuring it out earlier, for waiting ten whole days
for Buffy to come to him, Spike grabbed his duster and ran out of his
crypt, in search of the very misinformed slayer.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Buffy sat in her bed, thinking about her latest dream. She knew that Spike
was still sharing them, and she could almost feel the frustration radiating
from his crypt all the way on the other side of town. And yet, she couldn't
go to him.
The blonde slayer leaned back against her pillows with a heavy sigh,
closing her eyes. The first dreams had been so exasperating, but in the
end they had helped her understand her feelings toward the neutered
vampire. But before she could do anything, everything had changed; she had
had to give up her life to save the world, and suddenly, her blossoming
affection for the vampire had been pushed into the dark recesses of her
mind. Waking up thinking she was a vampire and that the person she was
beginning to care for had done it had caused so much anger in her, so much
confusion.
Thinking back on what he had said, that all of the dreams had meaning, she
struggled to find the point in that one. Had the Powers wanted her to see
the worst of him? 'Too late,' she thought aimlessly. He'd tried to kill her
so many times; she figured that the worst he was capable of. She battled
with her mind over whether seeing him turn her into what she most feared,
what she most hated, was worse, or if the situation made it better.
'I did ask for it,' she mused, 'begged for it.so I could be with him, no
less.' Another aggravated sigh found its way out of her chest, just as she
heard a light tapping on her bedroom window. She looked over to see a very
worked up bleached vampire sitting outside.
"What could you possibly want at this hour?" She mumbled as she made her
way over to where he waited. She opened the window and looked at him as if
to say, 'what now?'
"I heard that, Slayer. We need to talk."
"Whatever, I need to sleep. You need to go away and be.away," she turned
away from him and started back towards her bed, sitting back down.
To her dismay, Spike came right in and sat at the foot of her bed, using
his passionate blue eyes to keep her quiet and still. She silently cursed
him for having gorgeous blue eyes.
"Come on, pet, I know how maddening this is. Every night, seeing what could
happen, if only."
"If only what, Spike? If only I have a moment of pure insanity?"
"Well in the dream, its at least an hour, cuz you're out in the rain that
long - "
"Oh shut up. The point is, its not going to happen."
"Yet."
"Excuse me?"
"It will happen. You just aren't ready yet. At least, according to the
other dreams, that's the case. Once you are willing to accept something,
the dream carries through. Like the first dreams - "
"Lets not even go there. Those were flukes. I don't even remember them that
well," she lied. He could tell, too, by the light flush that colored her
features. Trying to cover, she continued, "They don't mean anything. At
all."
Now the vampire sitting across from her was getting annoyed and she could
tell. He was fidgeting, which always meant he was annoyed. "Come on, pet,
you know they mean something. Why else would the two of us be sharing
anything, especially dreams? I mean, honestly, since when do your dreams
not mean anything, prophecy girl?"
Shooting Spike a look of ice to freeze even his cold blood, Buffy found
herself speaking through clenched teeth before she could stop herself. "If
you really want them to mean something, I've got the best interpretation
for you. The only thing the dreams showed me was that you are still as much
a monster as you've always been. Not to be trusted, not to be cared for,
not to be loved. How could you possibly say you love me in one breath and
take away my life in the next? Even if I begged you, you should have known
better."
Rage forced the vampire to his feet and his voice came out in a dangerously
quiet whisper. "It was just a dream!"
"If was just a dream, then it didn't - mean - anything!"
"But it did! Just not that!"
"Interpret it as you will. Either they didn't mean anything, or it means
you are a monster. You pick. Either way, you are not welcome here. Get out,
before I kick your undead ass out."
Spike stood speechless, staring at the enraged beauty that threatened his
unlife with her very presence. Without another word, he dropped himself out
her window, only to have it slammed behind him. He sat on the overhang
under her window, and let the anger subside and the sadness overwhelm him.
"Back to the bottle, then," he muttered to himself, jumping down to the
ground below.
Inside, Buffy found herself unable to stop the tears she shed into her
pillow. Clutching Mr. Gordo tightly, she replayed what she'd said in her
mind. She hadn't meant it, really, but he couldn't just keep showing up
like he did, expecting her to understand everything already. True she'd
made him wait a week and a half already, and true she hadn't been planning
on making the trip over to his home anytime soon, but there was no need to
come charging into her life making her see reason when all she really
wanted to do was let the answer come to her in its own sweet time.
Letting out a low growl of her own, Buffy threw Mr. Gordo across the room.
Why did he always do that? Showing up in the middle of the night with the
answer, a solution that solved everything. First, when Angelus tried to end
the world, second when Riley tried the unhealthy habit of feeding the local
vamps, and now.now. He couldn't ever let her solve these things by
herself.
"Oh, no, Slayer, here's the answer, why didn't you already see it, you
silly bint?" She mocked his accent. "Bloody hell and bloody poofter. URGH!
Get out of my head!" She yelled at the ceiling. A small knock on her
bedroom door brought her attention back to the present. "Uh, come in."
Dawn stuck her head in tentatively, "You okay, Buffy? I heard yelling."
"Yeah, Dawnie, go back to bed," the slayer sighed, sitting back down on her
bed.
Picking up Mr. Gordo from his place on the floor on her way over to the
bed, the dark haired girl sat down next to Buffy. "It's about Spike isn't
it?"
Buffy looked up, surprised. She hadn't told anyone about the dreams. "How
do you know?"
"I heard his voice in here earlier," she admitted, blushing.
"Eavesdropping, young lady?" Buffy teased, then, dropping her head, she got
serious. "I just don't know what to think about him."
A little giggle made Buffy's head snap up again. "I'm sorry Buff, but
really. You don't know what to think about him? You've known him how long,
and you still haven't figured it out? That's your whole problem." When
Buffy continued to look at her younger, wiser, sister with a look of
complete confusion, Dawn continued. "Who cares what you think about him.
How do you FEEL about him?"
The petite blonde sat back against her pillows, holding her sister's eyes.
With a wink, the girl across from her stood up and started walking out of
the room. "Think about it, Buffy," she called over her shoulder.
As the door slipped shut behind her, Dawn heard her sister's voice, just
above a whisper. "That I will."
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
A brand new case of Jack Daniels in hand and lit Camel in his mouth, Spike
made his way back to his crypt. He'd tried reason. He'd tried yelling. "The
only thing left, is my good friend Jack."
Approaching his home, he could tell immediately that someone was inside,
because of the shadows dancing across the walls. "Bloody hell, as if I
don't have enough to deal with. Can't a bloke get pissed in peace these
days?" He put on his game face and set the box down away from where it
might get trampled. Without another thought in his head, he burst into his
crypt, all fists and fangs, and searching for someone to beat on.
At first he saw nothing, but a second later, he felt her. It was if she was
everywhere, he could hear her heart beating, he could smell the vanilla
that followed her everywhere, and he could almost taste her honey lips. His
vampiric features slipped away as he turned to see her sitting on the edge
of the bier he used as his bed, dressed again all in black. But this dress
was far from dowdy. Candles softly lit her face, not smiling, but
contemplative, and Spike knew that he should let her speak first, even
though there were a thousand things he wanted to say to her.
After a moment of taking each other in, just soaking in the silent presence
of one another, the blonde slayer finally spoke. She looked down at her lap
as she did, her voice choked with emotion. "I know what I said was wrong. I
know you aren't a monster. No monster would have looked so happy that I was
alive. No monster would have cried at the thought of taking my life." Now
she looked up, meeting his impatient gaze, "I was thinking about when I
first showed up here, after.you know.well, when you opened your door, your
eyes.they were all red and puffy, like you'd been crying. But I was so
angry, so confused, I dismissed it."
Buffy stood up, and began walking towards the still silent vampire that
stood at the door, "Demon, I said. Monster, I said. Because I didn't know
what else to think. I was listening to my brain, my confused just-back-from-
Hell brain, and I didn't know what to think. But I never once spared a
thought for how I felt. I thought about that last night," at this point,
Buffy had stopped directly in front of Spike, and she allowed herself to
smile a little, "and it turns out, even though I don't know what to think,
I know exactly how I feel."
Spike went to speak, but Buffy turned away again. His face fell slightly
until he realized she was walking towards a CD player, which she pushed
play on. Light strains of piano music began to fill the room, and the
overwhelmed vampire took a second to recognize the song as a Billy Joel. He
smiled at his love and walked to where she stood waiting for him.
"I know I've said this better, in every dream we've ever shared, but, I'll
say it again." With a deep breath and a smile, she met cobalt eyes, "Spike,
dance with me."
Spike's dead heart sung along with the music, as he swept Buffy into his
arms, and held her tight. The double meaning of her words was not lost on
him, and he was determined to show her that he would be a part of their
dance until he met the wrong end of a pointed stick. The song swept over
them as their bodies swayed in time with the simple chords, and listening
to the words, Spike was sure he had never heard a more perfect expression
of their relationship.
In every heart, there is a room,
A sanctuary, safe and strong
To heal the wounds from lovers past
Until a new one comes along.
As they danced, Buffy thought back on all the times she had been left by
the man in her life. All too often she had been the one left standing
alone, and she had discovered that that had been why it was so hard for her
to realize her feelings for the vampire in her arms. But now that she had
him there, she didn't plan on letting him go. She felt so safe in his
strong arms, and with a smile, she realized that this was where she
belonged.
I spoke to you in cautious tone
You answered me with no pretence
And still I feel I said too much
My silence is my self-defence.
And every time I held a rose
It seems I only felt the thorns
And so it goes and so it goes
And so will you soon I suppose.
Spike could feel Buffy's warmth spreading into his own skin as they held
each other close. He had never been happier than he was in that moment,
surrounded by her scent, warmed by her very presence. He silently wished
for the moment never to end.
But if my silence made you leave
Then that would be my worst mistake
So I will share this room with you
And you can have this heart to break.
And this is why my eyes are closed
It's just as well for all I've seen
And so it goes and so it goes
And you're the only one who knows.
Buffy pulled away slightly to look in the vampire's piercing blue eyes. She
walked backwards away from him, pulling him by the hand towards his bier,
where she sat down. Never breaking eye contact, she leaned back on the
makeshift bed, and held her arms out to Spike, an invitation into her heart
as well as her body.
So I will choose to be with you
As if the choice were mine to make
But you can make decisions too
1 And you can have this heart to break
And so it goes and so it goes
And you're the only one who knows.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Hours later, the lay in each other's arms, comfortable and spent, warm and
glowing, neither happier in their lives. Both of them were lost in their
own thoughts, but both would have been surprised at how alike their
thoughts were.
"Buffy," Spike broke the silence, his soft voice tickling Buffy's senses,
"are you awake, love?"
"Awake, but barely," she whispered back, her breath warm on Spike's chest.
"Promise me, pet. Promise me, if this is a dream, you'll come to me as soon
as you wake. The moment you open your eyes." The urgency in his voice made
her meet his eyes, and she gave him a reassuring smile.
"Spike, if this is a dream, I never want to open my eyes." She leaned down
and met his lips in a passionate kiss that blew all the others from that
night out of the water. And Spike knew, dream or not, that Buffy loved him.
Almost as much as he loved her. With those thoughts in his head, he
deepened the kiss; intent on showing her how much he loved her.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
The Powers sat back, smiling at the couple.
"Its about damn time," one said, "really, If I'd known her destiny would be
THAT hard to fulfill, I wouldn't have come up with the idea all those
millennia ago."
Another laughed, "Well, how could we know she would sacrifice herself? She
really doesn't even bother sticking to her destiny; I don't know why we
keep bothering to write it down. She was supposed to let the girl die."
The first smiled too, "Well it works out better this way anyway. Now that
we know how much love she's capable of, we can be sure this will work out."
She sighed, content, "Finally."
"They look so happy," a third contributed. "So peaceful. How long do you
think it will take them to figure out the rest of their destiny?"
"Not long," the second explained, "In a few week there is an incident with
sunlight. They discover it then."
"Well good," the third smiled, "I've always cheered for those two to get
together. They were just addictive to watch."
The first smiled again, "Just wait. For those two, the best is yet to
come."
The End
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