Green Eyed Christmas
 Parts 1-3


Written by: Pattyanne
 Author's Website





Summary: Takes place shortly after the events of 'Wrecked', however I have moved the action close to Christmas. Also, I'm not getting into 'Dawn' problems or 'Willow' problems. It's hard enough ironing out Buffy and Spike's problems, without getting involved with the two of them, so no issues will be addressed here, other than the obvious one of Buffy's unending refusal to see sense. Oh, and Oz is still with Willow. Hope that's okay.
Disclaimer: The show Buffy the Vampire Slayer and all of it's characters belong to Joss, Mutant Enemy, & Fox Prod.
Feedback: Love some, thanks. snapkik@yahoo.com





Part One...


Buffy wrapped her sweater tighter around her as she crossed the street without waiting for the signal. She picked up her pace a little, but Spike stayed a few feet behind her.

"You gonna run from this for the rest of your life, Slayer?"

"I'm not running from anything," she replied irritably. "Least of all you."

"Oh, like hell you're not," he said. "You think that if you turn your back on me and walk really fast you can forget that night ever happened." He sped up, until he was in front of her, then turned to face her. "Well, guess what, cupcake? It happened. Five bloody times."

Forced to stop, Buffy glared at him. "Will you lower your voice?" she hissed.

"No! I fucking will not! I don't give a rat's ass who hears me." Contrary to his words, he did modify his tone. "Why do you keep doing this? Why do you constantly push me away?"

Buffy took a deep breath, trying to stay calm. "Look...I don't know what you want me to say. Yes, it happened. But it's over...and it won't happen again. Ever!"

Spike grabbed her shoulders and shook her a little. "Don't you say it like that!" he said through clenched teeth. "Don't treat it like some kind of ten dollar trick you bought to get your itch scratched."

She yanked out of his hold and and began to walk away again. When she realized that he wasn't following her, she stopped and turned around, uncertain of what to do.

He was about ten feet away, and the look on his face almost made her go back. He looked....hurt.

"Spike..." she began, then let her words trail off, not knowing what to say.

"Don't," he told her, his voice husky with an emotion she'd not heard from him before. "Please...don't tell me again how meaningless it was to you."

He looked slightly glassy eyed, and for an instant Buffy was afraid he might cry. The thought wrenched at her heart for a moment, before she beat it into submission.

As she watched, Spike collected himself. Furtively passing his hand across his eyes, he looked at her.

He didn't look angry anymore. He looked sad...and resigned.

His voice was quiet and even tempered. "You go ahead and remember it the way you want to. Tell yourself whatever you need to hear about it being degrading and nasty, and....beneath you."

Shoving his hands into the pockets of his jeans, he approached her slowly. "But if it's all the same to you, I'm gonna remember it the way it really was. I'll remember how good you felt, how soft and warm. The way you whispered in my ear."

Buffy stared at him, seemingly hypnotized by his words.

"The feel of your skin," he went on. "The scent of your hair...your hands on me...the taste of your lips."

He stopped two feet away from where she stood rooted to the ground. "I was there, too. We were a lot of things that night, but perverse wasn't one of them."

Sighing deeply, the pain in his voice was almost tangible. "I've done everything I can think of to make you see that I've changed. But," he added ruefully, "I can't change the past. It all happened...and I can't pretend it didn't. I became a vampire and I killed people, and no amount of wishing on a star will make my past disappear. No more than Angel getting his soul back made HIS past disappear."

He let out a harsh laugh. "You know...some of the things he did make me look like a rank amateur. But all is forgiven...because now he feels really bad about it."

"Angel didn't..."

He cut her off. "Angel changed when he got his soul back, and you believed in him. I've changed MYSELF...but you can't bring yourself to believe in me." He leaned in closer, looking her in the eye. "His soul was his salvation. You were mine," he said simply.

"Spike..."

"I love you, Buffy. You can believe it or not, I don't care. But it's the truth." He turned his head to whisper in her ear. "And that night we had together only makes me love you more. The way you were...the things you did with me...that soft little moan you make right before you..."

"Stop it," she said, pushing him away. She turned around again and walked off. "Will you please just leave me alone?"

"Yes," he replied. "I will. If you really want me to, I will leave you alone. Entirely."

Buffy was more than a little surprised to hear this. He looked and sounded very sincere, and it confused her. "Well...good. Because that's what I want."

"Then that's what you shall have," he assured her. "But you remember one thing. No one will ever love you the way I do. As MUCH as I do." Shaking his head, he gave her a smile. "So long, Slayer," he said with a small wave. "It's been a real slice."

Turning around, he disappeared into the darkness of the cemetery.

And Buffy watched him go.








Part Two...


TEN DAYS LATER
 


"I have no idea what to give Giles for Christmas," Buffy moaned. "Help me."

Willow smiled and shrugged. "I can't help you," she said. "Who'll help me?"

"Okay, then...what about you?" Buffy asked, turning to Xander. "Got any thoughts that don't involve a subscription to a men's magazine?"

"Gee, Buff...I don't know," he replied. "It's not like you know him all that well. I mean...what's it been? Only three years. You can't be expected to know what he's interested in. Why don't you...."

"Oh, shut up," she said, wadding up a paper napkin and throwing it at him.

"Let's go shopping tomorrow," Willow suggested. "We'll spend the whole day at the mall. It'll be fun. We can eat our way through the food court."

"No, thanks," Xander said, shuddering. "I've been through that before."

"And just what is THAT supposed to mean?" Buffy asked, narrowing her eyes.

"It means that I went Christmas shopping with you two last year. It was the most horrifying experience of my life." He looked at Oz for support. "I'm just now recovering from it."

"I find that hard to believe," Oz said.

"Thank you," Willow interjected, kissing his cheek.

"I went shopping with them TWO years ago and I'm nowhere near recovering from it," he added.

"Do all men hate to shop?" Buffy asked, then turned a doubtful gaze of Willow.

"What are you asking her for?" Xander spoke up. "She's not qualified to answer that question."

"All right," Buffy replied, taking a sip of her drink. "You tell me why all men shun the marketplace."

"Elementary, my dear slayer," he answered, finishing his beer. "It's encoded into our DNA, stretching all the way back to the time of the cave men."

Buffy grinned. "Do tell."

"It started the first time primitive man turned to his primitive babe and said 'Me man of cave. Man don't shop present! Now get food!' and then....."

Buffy interrupted him. "If man don't shop present," she said sweetly, "then man don't get one either."

"On the OTHER hand," he tacked on quickly, "men have made a lot of progress since those days. We don't club you over the head and drag you to our caves...we don't play with fire...and when we see a dinosaur, we run away from it. We don't try and kill it with rocks and a slingshot."

"So...you'll help shop?" Buffy asked.

He swallowed hard. "I'll...I'll...." He struggled to force the words out. "I'll....ssshhhhooopppp." Looking at Oz again he said, "The things I'll do for new socks."

Sitting back in her chair, Buffy finished her drink and looked around. "Do you see our...."

"Spike." Xander yelped.

"...waitress?" She frowned. "Why did you say..."

"Spike!" Willow, this time.

Buffy was confused. "What are you talking about? Why do you keep saying that?"

Her heart rate increased. They couldn't know. No way could they know. She glanced around the Bronze.

"He's over at the bar," Willow said.

"Talking to a girl," Oz added.

"Yeah," Xander chimed in. "Wow....that IS a girl! What a girl!"

Buffy's head spun so quickly that her neck popped. Rub- bing it, she scanned the crowd at the bar.

Her eyes found their target, and she could see right away that Xander hadn't been overstating. That was definitely a "Wow" type of girl, and she made Buffy feel completely inadequate.

For one thing, she was taller. Just about eye level with Spike. Long legs, and a wealth of dark brown curls that flowed to her waist. The girl turned away from the bar, and the side view gave them all a good look at her other...endowments.

"Gee," Willow sounded wistful. "She got her share and mine too."

"Do..." Buffy cleared her throat. "Do you know who she is?"

"I've never seen her before." Willow reached for Oz's hand, and he gave it, giving her fingers a gentle squeeze.

"Vamp?" Buffy mused. **Can I kill her?**

"I doubt it," Xander said. "She's got a pretty good tan working for her."

"I suppose." Buffy turned back to the table, looking at Xander in irritation. "Oh, for god's sake, Xander. Stop staring like that before you have an accident!" she snapped.

Willow placed one finger beneath her childhood friend's chin, and closed it with a loud 'click'. "I wonder if she came here with him?"

"Hey!" Xander whined. "That wath mah ton!"

"That'll teach you to keep it in your mouth," Buffy said, with a nasty smile.

Seeing he could expect no sympathy from the slayer, he turned to Willow. "Thit...thith hurth." He stuck out his tongue. "Ahh I beeing?"

Willow examined the injury. "Not in a life threatening way."

"Quit being such a baby," Buffy added. She tried not to stare at Spike and his companion, but her eyes kept turning to them again and again.

"Somebody should probably warn her about Spike," she said, getting to her feet.

"How come?" Willow asked. 'It's not like he can bite her or anything."

Buffy sat back down. "I guess not." The she jumped right back up. "Where's that waitress, anyway?"

"She's right over...."

"You know what?" Buffy cut in. "Never mind. I'll just go and get it myself. You guys want another?"

"Nope."

"I'm fine."

"Ah fie ooh."

"Be right back." Buffy nudged her way through the crowd, not being particularly polite about it.

She stood at the bar, just a few feet from where Spike and Wonder Girl stood, deliberately not noticing them. She ordered a coke, then turned to go and sit down.

"Hello, Buffy," Spike said, with a perfectly friendly grin on his good looking face.

Buffy gave him a surprised look. "Oh, hi! I didn't notice you there."

"How've you been?"

"Great...just great," she replied, sipping her coke. "You?"

"The same." Spike placed his hand on his date's waist. "This is Melinda. Melinda, this is Buffy Summers."

The girls exchanged weak hellos, then an awkward silence.

Buffy was the first one to speak. "It sure was a nice day today, wasn't it? Nice and sunny." She looked at Spike. "Didn't you think so?"

"Well, I wasn't really outside much today," he replied.

"Mmm..that's a shame. Because it was a really nice day. Very nice. Good day to be outside." She turned to Melinda. "How about you, Melinda? You like being outside a lot? Fresh air? Sunshine? I guess you probably do...you've got such a nice tan."

"Actually," the brunette replied. "I work at night, so I sleep most of the day."

Buffy's grin widened. "Is that a fact?"

"Yes. I wear a bronzing lotion."

**I knew it! Works at night...sleeps all day...gets her tan out of a bottle...vamp!**

"Melinda is a nurse," Spike interjected, his hand rubbing small circles on the girl's back. "She works in the children's ward of Mercy Hospital."

Buffy's balloon began to deflate. "Really? Well...that's just...that must be very...rewarding for you." She looked away when Spike slid his arm around Melinda's waist.

"It is," the girl agreed. "I love children."

"She's great with kids," Spike added. "Tell Buffy what you did today, luv."

Melinda beamed, showing every one of her perfectly white and even teeth. "Some of the other nurses and I took some of the children from the homeless shelter to the park for the day."

Buffy's balloon popped. Lots of sunlight at the park. "Isn't she something?" Spike asked, tightening his arm around Melinda.

"Boy, I'll say," Buffy replied, forcing enthusiasm. "So, where did you two meet?"

"Oh, you'll probably think it's really weird," Melinda began.

"Try me."

"Well...we met in a cemetery!" The girl giggled in a way Buffy found extremely annoying. "I stopped there on my way to work to put flowers on my grandmother's grave, and...there he was."

"There he was," Buffy echoed. "In a cemetery." She looked at Spike. "Were you putting flowers on your grandmother's grave, too?"

"No," he said. "No, I wasn't."

"Why were you there?" she asked. "You got a thing for cemeteries?" **Tell the TRUTH, you big jerk!**

"Just paying my respects to a few old mates."

That damn smirk was back on his face.

"At night?"

"Yeah. At night."

"Why?"

Spike shrugged. "Oh, you know how it is, Buffy. Sometimes there just aren't enough hours in the day to do everything." He stroked Melinda's hair. "Lucky break for me. If I'd gone during the day, I never would have met this beautiful woman."

"Sppiike," Melinda said, punching him playfully on the shoulder and blushing.

"Well. you ARE beautiful. Can't help saying it." He grinned wolfishly, squeezing her in a gesture of deep affection.

Melinda gave him a tender smile. "You're so sweet." To Buffy, "Isn't he sweet?"

"Sweet," Buffy said, with a sickening smile of her own. "You have no idea." She turned her smile on Spike. "So...heard from Drusilla lately?"

His eyes narrowed. "No. Not for some time now."

"I was just wondering how she's doing these days."

**HA!**

"I'm sure she's just fine," he assured her.

"I'll bet she really misses you." Buffy turned to Melinda. "Spike and Drusilla were absolutely inseparable for ages. I mean, the two of them were..."

"Buffy!" Spike interrupted.

She stopped short. "Ohh! Oh, that's right. They were...very close friends! Just friends," she said, with an "oops, me and my big mouth" tone in her voice.

"Oh...um, that's nice," Melinda said, her smile finally beginning to falter. "So, Buffy...what do you do?"

"I'm a vam..."

"You know, we have to be going," Spike cut her off again in the middle of her reply.

"Must you?" Buffy asked sweetly. "Melinda and I were just getting to know each other." She patted the other girl's arm and stage whispered, "I think Spike's afraid that I might tell you all his little secrets." She gave Melinda a conspiratorial nudge. "Men! So insecure."

Melinda brought back her blinding smile. "Well, it was certainly nice meeting you, Buffy."

"Likewise," Buffy chirped. "An absolute pleasure. Maybe we'll see each other again sometime."

"I'd like..." was all Melinda could get out before Spike pulled on her hand, heading for the door.

Buffy smiled and waved. "Melinda! You keep an eye on him, you hear? He can be a real handful sometimes. A perfect devil!"

She watched as they reached the door, half expecting Spike to turn around and look at her. But, he walked out without a backward glance, dragging Melinda with him.

Taking a deep breath, she composed her unsettled feelings and returned to her friends.

Xander was the first to speak. "Well, THAT was certainly an interesting little scene."

Buffy finished her coke in one long swallow. "I see your tongue is functioning again."

"So, did you find out who she is?" Willow asked curiously.

"Just some bimbo he picked up in a cemetery. Claims she's a nurse or something." Buffy shrugged dismissively, as though nothing mattered at all. "You know, up close," she added, "she's not all that good looking."







Part Three...


~~~~~
"I'll have a blue Christmas
without you
I'll be so blue thinking
about you.."
~~~~~


Three days later, Buffy spotted Melinda and Spike together at the Sunnydale Mall. They looked to be Christmas shopping, although Spike was the one carrying all the packages.

She followed behind them at a sensible distance, not wanting Spike to "sense her" presence, as he claimed he always could.

Watching them weave in and out amongst the crowds of holiday shoppers gave Buffy a slightly sick feeling that she couldn't explain.

She was being ridiculous, she scolded herself. It's wasn't as though she cared who Spike consorted with. If he wanted to be seen with tacky ex-cheerleader type looking females, that was his business. As long as he was leaving HER alone, Buffy's little boat sailed serene.

"Oh, that figures," she muttered, watching them walk into a lingerie store. Not even a classy one like Victoria's Secret. This was one of those places that specialized in leopard skin prints and marabou feathers all over everything. Sequined pasties and edible underpants were the special deal of the day, or so the sign in the window proclaimed.

Hiding behind a potted poinsettia bush, Buffy observed Melinda pick up what looked like a sexy elf costume from one of the racks. She held it up to herself and turned to say something to Spike, obviously soliciting his opinion.

Buffy could almost hear him praise the trashy looking ensemble. He'd be wearing that patented smirk he'd perfected over the years, one eyebrow would arch slightly and he'd say something like, "You're filling my stocking up already, luv."

Disgusting. She was well rid of him and his sexy little remarks...and admiring glances. His heart in his eyes, and the gentleness he displayed whenever she was upset. The way he'd touched her during that long, wildly passionate night together...whispering in her ear...telling her he loved her...that he would always love her and no one else.

Well. So much for undying love.

That annoying laugh of Melinda's disrupted her thoughts, and she looked up just in time to see Spike smiling at the girl...and leaning closer...and closer....

"Whatcha doing?"

Buffy nearly jumped out of her suede boots when Willow tapped her on the shoulder. She spun around quickly, her packages smacking her friend in the side.

"Whoa, slow down," Willow laughed. She glanced around Buffy and said, "You're not planning on buying something in there are you?"

Flustered, Buffy shook her head and bent down to pick up the bag she'd clobbered Willow with. "In there? Get real," she laughed, a little too loudly. "Like I'd be seen dead in that place."

Spike and Melinda were heading for the front of the store, and Buffy wasn't about to be caught spying by him. She took Willow's arm and began dragging her in the direction of the food court. "Come on," she said brightly. "Let's get some hot chocolate and one of those big cinnamon buns. My treat."

She had a sudden unexplainable need for comfort food.

~~~~~
"Decorations of red
On a green Christmas tree
Won't mean a thing
If you're not here with me.."
~~~~~

Buffy shivered when she walked into the house. Dark and cold and empty it was, and she was immediately conscious of the bleak feeling she'd been fighting off ever since she'd run across Spike and his new girlfriend.

She dumped her packages on the sofa and turned up the thermostat, hoping to dispel the damp chill of the weather from both her house and her heart.

There was a note from Dawn on the coffee table. She'd been invited to a friends house for the night and would be home late tomorrow afternoon. Buffy grabbed the phone and made a quick call, confirming this information. After speaking with Holly Westcott's mother and being assured that the two girls wouldn't be going anywhere that night, she had spoken to Dawn and instructed her to come straight home the following day.

After that, there wasn't much else to do. She wandered aim- lessly around the house, cleaning up a few things here and there. Started a load of laundry and washed the breakfast dishes. Opened the mail and stuck the Christmas cards in the slats of the blinds.

Hoping for a little holiday cheer, she plugged in the lights on the tree and sat beneath it wrapping a few gifts.

She wrapped, labeled and set gifts for Xander, Willow, and Oz beneath the tree, then reached for the last bag and extracted it's contents; a silky shirt the color of the Mediterranean Sea that she'd bought, figuring that Dawn would want to have something for Spike.

** He'd better damn well appreciate it after I spent so much time looking for something this color..**

Buffy folded the garment neatly, setting it in a shirt box and covering it with a thin slice of blue tissue paper.

When it too was wrapped and sporting a decorative bow, she peeled off another label and stuck it on the box, then wrote 'To Spike from Buffy'. She was about to place it under the tree when she caught herself. Placing another label on top of the first one, she addressed it properly this time.

~~~~~
"I'll have a blue Christmas
that's certain
And when that blue heartache
starts hurtin'..."
~~~~~

The following morning she was up early. After showering, she went downstairs to have break- fast.

She made herself a cup of tea and ate a bowl of cereal, then went back to her room and made her bed. When that chore was finished, there wasn't much left for her to do, so she puttered around the house all day until Dawn finally came home.

Buffy practically jumped on her sister when she came through the door. "Hi!" she said, a little too cheerfully. "Did you have fun last night?"

Dawn dropped her overnight bag on and the floor and headed for the stairs, with Buffy right on her heels.

"Yeah, I had fun" Dawn said when it became obvious that Buffy was expecting an answer. "I'll tell you about it later, okay?" She stripped off her jeans and sweater, then redressed in a black skirt and a cherry red blouse.

Buffy frowned as she observed her sister changing and fixing her make up. "Are you going out again?" she asked, hating the prospect of spending the evening alone with no one to talk with.

"Just for a little while," Dawn replied as she brushed her hair. "I'm meeting Spike at the China Palace."

This nugget of information truly surprised Buffy. "You mean for dinner? You're meeting Spike to have dinner with him?"

When had THAT sort of thing started happening?

"Uh-huh." Dawn pulled on her leather jacket. "He wants me to meet this girl he's been seeing. I think he really likes her, but he says he wants my approval before it gets serious."

** Oh! So, it's...not serious yet?**

Buffy refused to analyze what malfunction in her brain was responsible for THAT thought.

"Well..." she said lamely. "Don't be out too late, okay?"

Something in her tone made Dawn stop and turn around. "Did you...want to come along?" she asked hesitantly. "I'm sure Spike won't mind."

Buffy shook her head. "Oh, no. No thanks. I have...stuff I need to do. Lots of...you know..."

"Stuff," Dawn provided. "Okay, well..why don't you call Xander or Willow? They could come over and help you with your...whatever stuff you need to do."

"Yeah," Buffy said, nodding in a short, jerky way. "I might do that. You go ahead and go. I'll be fine."

"You sure?"

"Totally. Go. Have fun."

~~~~~
"You'll be doing all right
With your Christmas of white.."
~~~~~

She called both Willow and Xander, who both had previous plans for the evening, and who both invited her to come along with them.

Buffy declined their invitations, not wanting to be the third party in what had been planned for only two.

She hung up the phone in the kitchen, then wandered back into the living room.

Sinking down onto the sofa, she sat and studied the colorful glow of the tree lights, which for some reason made her feel melancholy and alone.

Entirely...alone.

~~~~~
"But I'll have a blue, blue Christmas.."
~~~~~
 


CONTINUED...


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