I came back wrong.
This explains everything so clearly now. Old Buffy wouldn't be feeling this
numb. She wouldn't abandon her sister, and she'd notice if one of her friends
was becoming an addict. She, most certainly, would not be sleeping with a
vampire.
But Old Buffy is gone, gone, gone.
I am cold and hard. And more deadly than ever.
I still can't believe that I've continued my relationship with Spike
though. I always mean to end it, and then I get side-tracked by his roaming
hands and restless tongue. And that usually leads to six hours of amazing,
mind-blowing, naughtier-than-hell, Slayer vs. Vampire marathon sex.
Afterwards, I always feel ashamed. I make sure he knows it too.
Normal people don't have sex like that. What if my friends found out? Oh
god.
What if they found out that I love being spanked until my ass is bright
red? That I find pleasure in being handcuffed and chained to a bed? That I crave
hot candle wax being dripped down my flushed body? That he lets me do whatever I
want to him? That he allows me to have my awful way with him?
Too bad he thinks he's screwing Old Buffy. She might've loved him or at
least, cared about him.
But I don't and I never will.
At least, I can still use him for a good fuck now and then. But other than
that, he's useless.
I'm a nasty bitch, aren't I?
... and just plain wrong.