The last two weeks since her mother’s death had been hell. Buffy had to get out and away from it all for at least one evening. So she’d gone out alone tonight. Dawn was staying at Willow and Tara’s tonight, so she knew her sister would be ok.
She wasn’t going to tell any of her friends, but she was planning to have a few drinks.
She knew she couldn’t get served alcohol at the Bronze, so of all places to go, she was at Willy’s.
Willy didn’t care and knew if he gave her a hard time, he could wind up getting beaten up. Especially right now.
Buffy was skating right on the edge.
As the evening wore on, she’d had several drinks and was starting to relax a bit, listening to the jukebox. She’d been surprised, Willy even had some decent music in the thing.
* Oh well, even demons liked good music occasionally. Spike does…*
* NO! Don’t go there! Don’t think about that slime-ball. Relax, Summers. *
She got another drink from Willy and stuck a few more quarters in the jukebox, hitting the buttons for more danceable music. Didn’t matter that she was dancing with herself. It just felt good to move.
Buffy was getting pretty well snockered at this point, not paying any attention to anything other than her drink and dancing, so she failed to see the white blonde vampire enter the bar.
Spike stopped perfectly still when he saw her.
* What the bloody hell is she doing? *
He watched her dance alone for a minute with drink in her hand, then he turned and walked over to the bar. Very quietly he motioned Willy over and questioned him about the Slayer.
“What’s she doing here, Willy?”
“Looks like she’s getting drunk and dancing to me, Spike.”
“I can see the dancing part, you wanker. How many drinks has she had?”
“I’d’no.. Maybe 4 or 5 by now.”
“How strong are you makin’em for her?”
“Hey, man.. I made them like normal. I tried to cut back on the first one, and she told me she’d make me eat my ears if I tried that again. So, just making them normal.”
“Oh, bloody hell!” Spike knew the Slayer was probably drunk by now.
“Ok, thanks, Willy.”
Spike walked over toward the Slayer, a beer in his hand. He was going to have to keep an eye on her until he got her home. Drunk, she’d be fair game for anything out tonight.
* Stupid chit didn’t think about that, I’m sure. Needs a bleedin’ baby sitter she does. *
Buffy had finished off her drink so she sat the glass down on a handy empty table as she continued to sway to the music.
She felt two hands on her waist suddenly. She tried to quickly turn around, but couldn’t seem to manage the quickly part. She did turn though, to find… SPIKE!
Spike had his hands on her waist swaying slightly to the music with her.
“What tha’hell are you doing, Spike?”
“You looked all alone, Slayer. Thought I’d come dance with you.”
“I may be a bit tipsy, Spike, but not so much that I can’t stake you if you don’t leave me alone.”
“You can try, luv. But right now you’re even not doing well at standing, looks like to me.”
He leaned closer so that only she could hear him.
“What the hell were you thinking? Here, alone, drunk.. That death wish kicking in for you?”
“Get the hell away from me, Spike”
Buffy tried to turn back around and didn’t quite manage it. Spike caught her as she lost her balance.
“Whoa! Damned floor moved. You do that, Spike?”
“Slayer, you can’t blame me for everything, ya know.”
“Sure, I can… easier that way. Don’t have to fig’re out who did it.” Buffy giggled as she leaned on Spike. That last drink was catching her.
“Just ‘cause you blame me Buffy, doesn’t mean I did it.”
“And your point here is….?”
“Never mind. Let’s go sit you down.”
“No! Wanna dance. ‘Sides, my drink’s all gone.. Get me another one..”
“I think you’ve had enough already.”
Buffy pulled out of Spike’s arms and headed toward the bar. Willy saw that glint in her eyes and had a drink waiting on her. Spike was right behind her, trying to take it away from her but she held on and downed half of it.
“Get tha’hell away from me Spike, ‘less you’re gonna dance with me.”
“Ok Slayer, I’ll dance with you, but put the drink down.”
Buffy sat the drink on the bar. Spike motioned to Willy to take it, but Willy just shook his head. Spike picked the drink up and downed it to keep Buffy from getting any more of it.
Buffy had Spike by the arm, trying to drag him back over to the more open space by the jukebox so she could dance.
“Get your ass over here, Vampire and be useful. Dance with me’fore I stake you.”
“Slayer.. Buffy, you’re drunk!”
“Yep! That’s the idea.”
Buffy started swaying to the music again, forgetting she still had a firm hold on Spike’s arm. He put an arm around her to help hold her up while he danced with her.
* I’ve wanted to be close to her like this, can’t pass up my chance now. Just have to hope she doesn’t sober up suddenly and try to kill me. *
The records changed again, and Buffy slipped closer to Spike. She wasn’t really sure who she was dancing with right now, just that they were there.
* Ummm. Booze is gettin’ my head good. Just keep dancing here and I’ll be fine..*
She snuggled closer into the arms around her. They felt good. It was so nice to have someone hold her. She rested her head on the willing shoulder and let the music flow through her with the alcohol. The words flowed over her as she moved against her partner.
Went to a party last Saturday night
It ain't no big thing
Late for my job and the traffic was bad
Had to borrow 10 bucks from my old man
uh-huh
It ain't no big thing
* Yep, that’s me.. Go to a party and get in a fight. ‘Least no traffic. Didn’t have to borrow money from my dad.. Yeah, ain’t no big thing.*
But I know what I like
And I know what you like
I know you like dancing with me oh yeah
* Yep, he’s a good dancer. Like this…. *
Buffy didn’t want to think about who “he” was though. She didn’t really want to look at what was actually happening, so her alcohol-fogged brain shut it out.
Spike was having a different problem. He had the woman he loved in his arms, dancing with her. She kept getting closer and closer to him. He had to keep very firm control or she’d know just how much he did like dancing with her.
Kiss me once
Kiss me twice
She giggled as they kept dancing.
* That’s what kissing a vampire is.. kissing deadly. Or is it me who kisses them deadly? Angel never said… never kissed Spike, can’t ask him. *
A memory stirred through her fogged brain.
* Oh, yeah, did kiss him… Willow’s spell…. Kissed pretty good.. Was it deadly? *
Had a few beers getting high
It ain't no big thing
Nothing to eat and no T.V.
Looking in the mirror don't get it for me
uh-huh
It ain't no big thing
* Yep, still me… had some drinks, got high. Bet Spike and Angel don’t worry about looking in’a mirror.. can’t see anything. *
Buffy giggled again.
* What the hell is she giggling about? Wish I knew what th’hell was going through her head. * Spike understood her so well usually, but right now he was just baffled aby the tiny slayer.
* I know I like having her in my arms. Cor, she’s so beautiful. What am I doing in love with the Slayer? And if Angel finds out… Well, he left her. All’s fair in love and war, they say.*
Buffy was singing quietly along with the song, as they basically stood in one spot now and just swayed back and forth. Spike had her pulled close in his arms, but she had both arms wrapped firmly around his neck and shoulders. He would have had to struggle to get her to turn him loose… Not that he wanted her to do that.
But I know what I like
I know I like dancing with you
Buffy leaned her head sideways to look up at those beautiful blue eyes.
“D’you like dancing with me?”
Spike heard the hesitation and uncertainty in her voice as she asked.
* Damn Angel and soldier boy for putting that doubt in her heart. *
He suddenly remembered the things he’d said to her when they fought over the ring of Amara so long ago.
* And damn me too. I finished what they started! *
Spike realized where a lot of her hostility came from. He’d have to fix that, starting right now.
“Yes, luv. You’re wonderful to dance with. I would enjoy dancing with you for the rest of your life.”
“Tha’s so sweet.”
She snuggled closer into his arms.
* She gonna climb right inside my skin in a minute if she keeps that up. *
you know I like dancing with you
dancing with you, come on..
Kiss me once
Kiss me twice
Come on pretty baby kiss me deadly
Kiss me once
Kiss me twice
Come on pretty baby kiss me deadly
“So, you gonna’ kiss me deadly? “
Buffy had muttered into Spike’s chest. Even with his hearing he’d almost not heard her.
He leaned down to ask her what she had said, but before he could say anything, she asked him again…
“Are you gonna’ kiss me? Will it be deadly?”
“Luv, I’ll kiss you all night if you want me to, but it won’t be deadly.”
* Except to my self control, possibly my heart and if she realizes it’s me, just my unlife. *
Buffy raised her face toward Spike’s as she pulled him down to her. She kissed him softly and the fire rushed through both of them.
It had even gotten through her alcohol-befuddled brain. She stopped moving and looked at him, raising one hand to touch his lips with her fingertips.
He caught her hand in his own and held it to his lips pressing light kisses on her fingers, down into her palm and further down to her wrist.
Chills ran down her spine, fire ran through her veins.
Spike was gasping even though he didn’t need the air.
* We have to get out of here before I take her right here on the floor. Just what we bloody need Willy to see. *
But Buffy pulled her hand from his as she kept looking into those blue eyes, seeing desire run through them. Desire for her. She snaked her arm around his neck again and pulled him back down into another kiss. This time she invaded his mouth, searching his mouth with hers, trying to drink him into herself.
They were both shaking when they broke the kiss.
“Luv, Buffy… We need to leave. Now! “
“NO! Don’t leave me. Everybody leaves me!”
“Luv, I’m not leaving you. We’re just going to leave from here. Ok?”
“Ok. Just don’t leave me.”
He heard the pain and tears in her voice even though her eyes were dry.
* Oh, bugger whatever Willy or anyone else thinks! *
Spike reached down and swept her into his arms. She pressed her face into his chest, clinging to him tightly. He kicked the front door open as he carried her out to his car.
He managed to shift her enough to open the door and put her in the car.
“No! Don’t leave me!” She cried to him again as he tried to get her to turn him loose so he could go around the car.
“Buffy, let me go get in the car. It will just be a few seconds, luv. I promise I won’t leave you.”
She looked into his eyes again, so much pain evident in her face.
“Promise?”
“Yes, luv. I promise.”
She released her tight grip on the blonde vampire and he quickly went around the car and got in, pulling her close to him again. She snuggled into him, holding his arm to her.
It was awkward starting the car, but he managed and drove back toward her house. He had no idea how he was going to get her up to her room, since he couldn’t go in. Maybe she’d be a bit more sober by the time he got her there.
**************************************
Spike pulled into the driveway. He opened the car door and since Buffy refused to turn him lose, he simply slid her out the door with him, scooping her up in his arms again.
He carried her to the front door and tried to stand her on her own two feet.
“No! Said you wouldn’t leave me.”
“Buffy, you need to go inside now. I can’t take you in…”
Her mind was still so befuddled that she didn’t really understand what Spike was trying to say to her.
“Here.. keys.. op’n tha’ door and take me in. Said you wouldn’t leave me.”
Spike took the house keys from her and opened the door. He tried to gently push her toward the open door.
“No, you gotta come in with me.” She tugged on his arm again, swaying on her feet.
“Ok, luv. Let’s see if that’s gonna get me in now.”
He picked her back up and was able to go through the door. Once he was inside, he kicked the door shut with his foot, taking Buffy up the stairs to her room.
Her door was open already, so he carried her to her bed and tried to lay her down on it.
She wouldn’t turn him loose.
“Slayer, you have to turn me loose so I can put you down.”
“Don’t wanna. Stay with me, hold me. You promised.”
She looked up at him, eyes slightly unfocused….
“Gonna kiss me deadly ag’in?”
Spike was ready to pull his hair out except both arms were occupied by the small blonde slayer in them. He managed to lay her down, sliding onto the bed next to her, still holding her. She turned toward him, pulling him close again, snuggling into his chest.
He wasn’t sure what to do. He wanted her, but he wanted her to want him, not just be drunk and not know who he was. Maybe if he waited, she’d go to sleep and he could leave before his desires got the best of him.
No such luck.
Buffy pulled Spike’s head back down to hers, as she sought his lips again.
She kissed him hard, demanding entry into his mouth with her tongue. She threw one leg over his hips pulling him closer to her.
He groaned deep in his throat.
* She’s gonna bleedin’ kill me like this! So do I give in to her or do I leave her alone? *
Spike knew which one he wanted to do. He also knew that very one could get him staked by her, or even by Angel if his sire found out.
Thoughts whirled through his head as her lips and hands made increasing demands on his body.
* If I leave her, she might just bloody well go back outside again. She’s had enough of people leaving her. If I’m here, I can protect her. *
Spike knew he was trying to find a reason to give in to her, to his own wants and needs.
* Doesn’t mean ‘s not a truthful reason… *
Buffy’s lips on his were more demanding. She’d tugged his shirt out of his jeans and was running her hands over his chest leaving trails of fire everywhere she touched him.
Spike kissed her back just as desperately, nibbling on her lips, sucking her tongue into his mouth, wanting to taste all of her.
Breaking the kiss, he nibbled his way down her neck as she moaned next to him, running her hand down his hip, across his buttocks and up his back.
With a moan in his own throat, he rolled over her, holding her to him. Buffy brought both legs up to lock them around his hips. Her mouth sought his again.
He could feel himself straining at his jeans, as he got harder against her.
She was whimpering into his mouth as she pulled at his shirt, trying to take it off of him.
He broke the kiss, pulling his shirt over his head in one violent motion, throwing it across the room. He reached down between them and in another motion, pulled her shirt off as well, throwing it with his.
“What else can you do deadly? You kiss me deadly, can you love me that way too?”
She held his face in both hands as she looked at him, looked into his blue eyes.
He thought she was beautiful. Her hair tumbled around her face, lips reddened from their kissing, face soft with desire….
“Luv, are you sure you want me to do that? Do you know what you’re asking me?”
“Yeah… Everybody leaves me. Angel, Parker, Riley, my mom…. You love me, Spike, don’t leave me. Love me…”
* Bloody hell! She does know it’s me… but she still wants me to love her right now. Guess she’ll wait 'til she’s sober to kill me.. Least I can go happy then. *
“Buffy, luv.. Are you sure you want me to love you? Think about it, luv.”
“Spike, shut up ‘fore I stake you good! Shut up and kiss me. Make the pain stop, Spike.”
He looked at her face, suddenly realizing what she was asking of him. It felt like a hand had squeezed his heart.
“Buffy, I love you. I’ll make love to you. I’ll kiss you all you’ll let me, but it won’t be deadly. I’d never do that to you, kitten.”
Buffy reached up and pulled his face back down, kissing him again, pushing at his jeans.
Spike broke out of her kiss, sitting up to gently remove her skirt and panties, then quickly took off his own jeans, and lay back next to her. He captured her mouth again, while his hand sought her breast. Her own hands were busy running up and down his body, feeling the hardness of him.
Before he knew what she was going to do, she rolled him over, straddling his hips, seeking him with her hands.
Spike felt her guide the tip of his hard member to the center of her wet heat, then impaled herself on him in one thrust.
He was burned, scalded by her heat that wrung a gasp from his lips as his hands tightened convulsively on her hips.
Her muscles tightened around him as she threw her head back, moaning. She sat there motionless on him, feeling him fill her. She was also gasping for breath. She leaned back down to kiss him again, starting to move slowly against him as she raked her nails down his chest, across his flat nipples.
Spike gasped again, fighting for control of his body. He couldn’t.. Not yet.. It was much too soon, for both of them.
Buffy ran her hands back up his chest, running them around behind his back and over his shoulders. She gave a sudden pull as she leaned back, forcing Spike to sit up. She kept leaning back, falling to her back, pulling him up over her. He wiggled around getting his legs from under her and straightening them out as she wrapped her legs around his hips again.
“Love me, Spike. Take me, please.” Buffy moaned into his neck and then bit down over the big vein in his neck.
It was all he could do to keep from sinking his fangs into her neck, regardless of the pain he knew he’d feel. He fought to keep from spilling himself into her. She was driving him insane, trying to force him to “kiss her deadly”.
He kissed her lips again as he drove himself into her.
She rose up to meet his hips, thrusting against each other.
Fire burned along every nerve ending they both had, tightening their skin. Desire and need and their own special chemistry danced across their skin.
Buffy felt her chest tighten, making it hard to breath, as she gasped and moaned against him, rising to meet each downward thrust he made into her body, filling her. She was sliding closer and closer to the edge with each movement. Her own release threatened to overwhelm her, stealing across her, through her. She wound her hands into Spike’s hair, pulling him closer to her.
He knew it was only a matter of seconds for both of them. He felt his own body twitching, quivering, as he was about to fall into the abyss. He felt Buffy’s inner muscles spasm and clinch around him, driving him closer to the edge. He turned slightly and bit gently into the flesh of her neck at the shoulder, feeling the pulse of her in his mouth, the sweetness of her flood across his tongue.
The world exploded around both of them, sweeping them away on a tide of release.
As Spike calmed enough to realize where he was and what he was doing, he noticed that he wasn’t drinking from her, just holding on to her with his mouth. He pulled his fangs from her flesh, and slowly licked the two small wounds he’d made. He felt her shiver against him as his tongue ran across the punctures.
Buffy ran her own tongue up the side of his neck to his ear and back down again. She tasted the sweet coppery taste of blood on his neck. Pulling back slightly, she saw the mark in his neck where she’d bitten him hard enough to break the skin. She copied his movements and licked the bite she’d made, tasting him in her mouth.
He’d stopped bleeding, as she nestled her face into his neck, still clasping his body to hers, still feeling him inside of her as he relaxed and shrank. Her eyes drifted close.
“Spike…. Don’t leave me, please. I don’t want to wake up alone again.”
Then she was asleep.
Spike rolled over, still holding her to him. He reached down and pulled the sheet over both of them. His thoughts were in turmoil.
* Damn Angel! Damn all of them! They didn’t deserve her any more than I do. I can’t believe she wanted me. Now if she doesn’t bleedin’ kill me after she wakes up.. But if she doesn’t want me when she’s sober, maybe it would be better if she did just stake me. I can’t leave her alone. She wanted me to kill her…. Damn all of them ! *
Spike shuddered at the thought before he closed his eyes and followed her into sleep.
***************************************
The clock on the desk blinked 5:00 at her as Buffy opened her eyes. Her head felt like it was going to explode if she moved. The French foreign legion had marched through her mouth from the taste of it. And she was in bed.. naked.. next to a naked Spike. From the feel, they’d had sex too.
She lay there and tried to remember what had happened. As she tried to reconstruct the evening, it gradually started coming back to her. Going to Willy’s, drinking, dancing. Spike coming in, dancing with her, her begging him to not leave; wanting him, begging him to take her. She realized now what she’d been asking him to do. He hadn’t.
As she lay there awake in the circle of his arms, feeling him firmly against her back she had to re-evaluate everything.
He’d been right. There was something between them. She’d never felt fire like that, sensations like that from anyone else ever. Not even Angel.
As much as she hated to admit it, with the anger passed she felt safe in Spike’s arms.
She thought of all she’d said to him over the last couple of weeks, all she’d done and thought. She’d been so wrong!
She’d loved Angel, and he’d left. She hadn’t been able to love Riley and he left. She loved her mother. She knew her mother loved her, but she was gone too.
Spike did love her. She knew that now. She was the Slayer. Her life would be short. She’d made it past the point the other slayers had already. Could she really afford to turn away someone who truly loved her? He’d fight side by side with her, for her….. and love her.
Every now and
then I know you'll never be the boy you always wanted to be
But every now
and then I know you'll always be the only boy who wanted me the way that I
am
Every now and
then I know there's no one in the universe as magical and wondrous
as
you
Every now and
then I know there's nothing any better, there's nothing that I
just wouldn't
do
Every now and
then I fall apart
She was who she was, he was who he was. He understood her better than she understood herself, and he still loved her. She knew he wouldn’t leave her. Those were the important things right now….. He’d fight for her and with her, he’d protect her and Dawn, her friends. He loved her even knowing who and what she was. He’d be here. He wouldn’t leave her and would love her. She didn’t love him, but there was something there. Maybe it would grow into love. Maybe it never would. But for now she needed it, and it was enough.
And I need you now tonight, and I need you more than
ever
And if you'll only hold me tight, we'll be holding on
forever
And we'll only be making it right, 'cause we'll never be
wrong
Together we can take it to the end of the
line
Your love is like a shadow on me all of the time (all of
the time)
I don't know what to do, I'm always in the
dark
We're livin' in a powder keg and givin' off
sparks
I really need you tonight
Forever's gonna start tonight
Forever's gonna start tonight
Once upon a time I was falling in love but now I'm only
falling apart
Once upon a time there was light in my life but now
there's only love in the dark
Nothing I can say, a total eclipse of the
heart
A total eclipse of the heart
He’d keep her sane. Maybe even keep her alive.
Spike stirred against her back. As he woke, he could tell Buffy was awake. He didn’t know if he should worry or not just yet. She turned over in his arms.
“Hi.” Buffy felt a bit shy, facing him this morning, after last night. After what they had done, and what she had asked him to do.
“Hi yourself, luv. Gonna kill me now?” Spike tried to stay relaxed, she hadn’t hit him. Yet….
“No. You did what I asked you to do and didn’t do what I wanted you to do. I’ve been awake for a bit and thinking about everything.”
“Want to tell me about it, luv?”
“Yeah, I need to…”
Buffy explained to him everything she’d thought about. And what she’d decided to do.
“… So if you’ll have me, knowing I don’t love you, but that I know there is something between us.. If you’ll give me time to see what it is…. I can’t promise to love you, but I can promise to be here with you for as long as I stay alive.”
“ Then I better plan to keep you alive. You know I would anyway.”
“That’s all I can ask of you, luv. It’s giving me a chance. It’s letting me love you and prove that I’ve changed, that I can change. It’s enough, luv.”
Buffy leaned forward slightly to kiss him. He kissed her back, and pulled her closer.
“Buffy, I own you an apology. I remembered last night what I’d said to you… back with the ring and all…” His voice trailed off for a moment.
“I’m sorry. I was hurting and lashed out at you. I am sorry I hurt you with what I said.”
He rose up on one arm so he could look down at her face.
“You’re certainly worth more than once, luv. You’re worth the rest of my unlife.”
Spike watched her face as amazement, and a myriad of other emotions ran across it. Her eyes widened and tears started.
“Do you mean that, Spike? Really mean that?!”
“Yeah. I won’t lie to you ever, Buffy. I’ll fight with you, we’ll yell at each other, but I won’t lie to you. I give you my word on that.”
“Oh….” Buffy was shocked, this wasn’t what she had expected from him, she wasn’t sure now what to expect from him.
“Yeah, we’ll fight. I know it sounds funny but I’ve always enjoyed fighting with you.”
“Uh, and Spike… I.. ah, bit you last night. I know you bit me, but I bit you too.. So don’t be upset about biting me, or me biting you, please.”
“You bit me? Did you break the skin, Luv?” He asked with a very odd note in his voice.
“Ah, yeah. Why? Is it a problem? And how did you manage to bite me what that chip?”
“Luv, a small bite during sex is for pleasure, not to hurt you. So the chip won’t fry my brain for it. You seemed to enjoy it.”
“I did. I’m kinda surprised, but I did.”
“Now, what about me biting you?”
“Well, luv… it means you claimed me as yours last night.”
“Claimed? As in you’re my own personal vampire now?” Buffy giggled at the thought. She understood a bit of what claiming meant to a vampire from Angel.
“Yeah. You had my heart already, but now you’ve claimed all of me, luv.”
She giggled at Spike again. “I think I can live with that.”
She attacked his mouth with her own again, just to prove it
to him.
The End