Chapter 1:

Buffy stared in amazement at the terra cotta slab before her. She had heard of such things before of course, but never expected to see one in her own kitchen. She was going to have to wait until Willow got home from her therapy session to figure out what to do with it.

Just then Dawn came bounding in. "Cool, a pizza stone. Now we can have real pizza at home. I'm glad you're sick of Doublemeat specials too." She paused. Her sister was staring at the stone as if it was covered with hieroglyphics. "Buff, are you okay?"

"I didn't buy this, Dawn. It was on the front porch when I came home." Buffy gestured at a pile of wrapping paper in the trashcan.

"Oh, how cute. The wrapping paper has mushrooms, black olives, and green peppers on it." Dawn prattled. "Looks delish. Can we have those toppings on our pizza tonight?"

Buffy wrinkled her nose. "I don't know how to make a pizza, Dawn. Aren't you curious that someone left a present on our porch."

Dawn shrugged. "So you have a secret admirer. Janice knows how to make pizza. Can she come over?" The teen ran for the phone.

Buffy sat down and stared at the pizza stone. A secret admirer, she mused.

Dawn put one hand over the receiver. "Did you look for a note?"

"Duh!" Buffy said, slapping herself on the forehead. She fished around in the trashcan until she came up with a small tomato-shaped notecard. "That's funny." She held it up for Dawn to see. "It's just a recipe for pizza for extra garlic. And it's unsigned."

Dawn rolled her eyes. "Ugh, extra garlic. Figures you'd have a weirdo for a secret admirer."

***
The next day, it was a box of luxury-sized bath soaps flecked black with vanilla beans. Buffy inhaled the sweet scent before she put them in the linen closet.

The morning after that, she opened a real oyster shell to find the most wonderful pair of dangly earrings: quarter sized moons made of mother-of-pearl, each hung with a waterfall of tiny silver stars. The day after that, a matching bracelet arrived. Buffy regretted that they were too delicate to wear to the Doublemeat or while on patrol. She tucked the jewelry away, dreaming of a candlelit dinner with her admirer.

On three consecutive days, a single long-stemmed red rose greeted Buffy. When the blooms wilted, she gathered the fallen petals in a bowl on her nightstand. Their faint perfume soothed her when she crawled into bed at sunrise each morning.

There were presents every morning. The secret admirer seemed to have eclectic tastes. In addition to the traditional jewelry, flowers, and candy, he sent an antique hairbrush and hand mirror backed with tortoiseshell; two Japanese fighting fish in separate bowls; a basket of herbal teas and a teapot painted to look like a very fat calico cat curled up for a nap; and a foot spa packed with an assortment of nail polishes and pedicure tools.

One day, there was a bottle of perfume that Xander complained smelled a little like Creamsicles, but Buffy and Dawn both loved it. "You're just jealous that you didn't think of doing something like this for Anya." The younger Summers accused.

"How are things with Anya?" Buffy asked.

Xander shrugged. "We're talking. She let me fix that broken railing finally. And then we had coffee." He tried to look hopeful. "I think she's stopped trying to find people to curse me."

Buffy laughed and went to put the perfume away. When she left the room, Willow turned to Xander. "And you?" the ex-witch prodded.

Xander looked puzzled. "Me what?"

"Well, forgiveness is a two way street. Have you forgiven Anya for her...indiscretion?" Willow lowered her voice in deference to Dawn. The teen stared at her indignantly. "I know all about it, people! You know, you'd think being witness to two near apocalypses would earn me some respect."

"Sorry, Dawnie." Willow apologized. "But seriously, Xander. Things won't move ahead unless you let go of what happened with Spike."

Buffy paused in the hallway at the mention of the blond vampire. His name was seldom spoken in the house by anyone except Dawn.

Unaware the Slayer was listening, Xander began to enumerate the things that he planned to do to Spike if the vampire came back to Sunnydale. It took him five minutes. "And, I've got a big pile of seasoned firewood, just waiting to be turned into Spike-stickers," he finished.

Dawn stood up angrily. "How can you joke about that?"

Xander looked up at her. "I'm not joking, Dawnie." Indeed, the construction worker's face was completely devoid of humor and his voice was hard and flat. "Spike slept with the woman I love and tried to rape your sister. It's a good thing that he ran like a coward when he did. If that soul-less asshole shows his face in Sunnydale, he's dust."

The teen whirled and ran out of the room. Dawn couldn't even see her sister through her tears. She ran upstairs and threw herself on her bed sobbing. Spike had been gone a little over a month. Was she the only one worried about him? Buffy had been reluctant to go to his crypt or stop by Clem's for news. Even the floppy-eared demon didn't seem overly concerned about his friend.

Dawn missed Spike so much. He made her laugh with stories of the tricks that he had played on Angelus when he was a fledgling. And when she was scared, he kept her safe. More than all that, he was the only one who consistently treated her like a normal person and not a little kid or a bothersome responsibility.

Sometimes, when Buffy looked at his duster hanging in their hall closet, a weird expression crossed her sister's face. The Slayer looked like she was struggling to remember something or maybe to not remember. Then she would notice Dawn staring and look away with something like shame in her eyes. They never talked about it.

Meanwhile, downstairs the older Summers was indeed staring at the duster. She knew that she should get rid of it. Sometimes the long black leather coat seemed the embodiment of Spike himself. She hated how it made her feel, alternating between being glad he was gone and hoping he was okay. Buffy sighed. Spike had been gone for four or five weeks. In the past year, he'd disappeared for days at a time, usually to pester Angel in L.A. He'd even left Sunnydale for a long period of time before, but that had been with Drusilla. Angel had told her once that Spike couldn't stay on his own for very long. He had a pathological craving for companionship and a sense of belonging.

Giles agreed that Spike was odd in that sense. Most vampires, especially master vampires were not sociable creatures by nature. They guarded their territories ferociously and unflinchingly destroyed any fledgling or feral who unwittingly crossed the borders. It was true that older vampires tended to form covens, but most tolerated the presence of Childer and minions solely for the security of greater numbers. Real attachments between Sire and Childe or between lovers was rare or at least seldom observed by The Watchers' Council. Giles believed that the vampiric line of the Order of Aurelius was probably singular in its tendency to form such long lasting bonds. When one looked at it that way, the most shocking thing about Angelus, Darla, Drusilla, and Spike's little "family" was not their dysfunctional behavior toward each other, but the fact the quartet *had* functioned as a unit for so long.

Buffy remembered how desperate Spike had been to win Dru back from Angelus three years ago. When his lover left him yet again, and Spike returned to Sunnydale, he taken up with the fledgling Harmony. After he was chipped and Harm too, left him, Spike had sought out yet other companions, both demonic creatures and humans. Most of these interactions had ended badly, but Spike had persisted until he won Clem's friendship and Dawn's adoration. And, Buffy admitted, an honorary membership in the Scoobies. Not to mention, a temporary fling with the Slayer.

When Spike left Sunnydale six weeks ago, he did so alone. Or so it seemed. She wasn't sure what worried her more: How Spike would make it on his own or who he'd taken up with?

***
The gifts continued to come. Once, there was a pair of concert tickets to see Big Bad Voodoo Daddy at the Hollywood Bowl. Buffy gave the tickets to Xander, who nervously asked Anya out. To everyone's surprise, the vengeance demon accepted. When Xander called Buffy the next afternoon to thank her, he described the evening as subdued but enjoyable.

It gave the Slayer a lot of pleasure to share her gifts with her friends. She gave Dawn, Willow, and Xander massages with the scented oil that came. Sent the basket of biscotti and expresso beans to the Magic Box for Giles and Anya.

One morning, there was a gift bag containing a video of "Shadow of the Vampire", two packages of microwave popcorn, and boxes of movie candy like Mike & Ike's, Junior Mints and Gummi Bears. The note said "Hilarious movie. Enjoy!" The Scoobies did, howling with laughter at Willem Dafoe's Nosferatu. But Giles was a bit troubled by the choice of movie. "Has your secret admirer sent you anything else related to Slaying?" he asked as the credits rolled.

"Don't be silly, Giles." Buffy laughed. "It's just a movie." She shook the last Junior Mint out of the box and popped it into her mouth.

"Nonetheless, I think you'd better let me take a look at these presents. Perhaps they're not so innocuous." Giles frowned. "Even if there's nothing magickal about them, doesn't mean the sender doesn't mean any harm. Have you forgotten that Angelus left you gifts as well."

***

Buffy was growing frustrated. Some nights, she patrolled for hours before she came across a vampire. Other varieties of demons were becoming similarly scarce. Once she came across a nest of at least six vampires, but when she and the Scoobies returned the next night to dust them, the place was deserted.

She began to fight her nightly boredom by trying to solve the identity of her secret admirer. The notes were never signed. Nor were there any clues. The Slayer began rising earlier in hopes of spying her secret admirer, but he always managed to evade her. She found herself looking extra hard at every single guy she knew.

"I think that it's Chuck from work." Buffy announced at dinner when she showed off the latest gift: a clunky silver bracelet adorned with a big oval of turquoise. "He told me once that his sister worked for a jeweler. I figure my secret admirer has connections. Either that or he's seriously loaded."

"How do you know it's a he?" Willow asked with mild annoyance. "It could be a she."

"Or an it!" Xander offered. "Some demon with a Slayer fetish. Wouldn't be the first time."

Buffy stuck out her tongue at Xander. "Sorry, but I'm pretty sure it's a guy, a human guy. Look at the handwriting." She held out the latest note. "See, it's kinda messy."

"Maybe it's a left-handed girl." Willow suggested. "What guy would write 'I am in awe of your inner beauty'."

Xander nodded. "It's a girl."

As the gift's continued to come, trying to guess who was sending them became one of their favorite pastimes. One Sunday morning, a basket of bagels with lox and all the trimmings was delivered by van. Buffy grilled the driver, but he didn't know who had ordered it. When she called the deli later, the clerk informed her that it was against store policy to reveal payment details for gift orders. Willow hacked into the shop's computer that night, only to find that the basket had been paid for with cash. That would prove to be the case with any gift that was remotely traceable.

"I don't think he wants to be known." Buffy sounded a little sad.

"Maybe he or she is shy." Willow suggested. Her eyes grew a little misty in memory of Tara.

"Or disfigured." Anya added helpfully. Xander nodded, "I'm thinking maladjusted geek turned 'Stalker'." That didn't stop him from helping himself to a third bagel.

Willow looked worried. "What does Giles think?"

Buffy shrugged, "He says there's nothing magickal about any of the gifts. He's still worried. But I think it's just your garden variety secret admirer. Perfectly ordinary."

Dawn was indignant. "There's nothing ordinary about this. I think it's romantic." The teen rested her chin on her hand, dreamily.

"Hey!" Buffy pushed her sister playfully. "I thought you said he was probably a weirdo."

"Have you ever had a normal guy like you?" Dawn teased back.

Although Buffy laughed, she realized it was too close to the truth. In six years, one normal guy had liked her and she him. But Scott was the aberration in the panoply of weirdos she'd been involved with. A vampire with a guilt-ridden soul. A manipulative Don Juan. A living G.I. Joe doll. And another vampire, this one neutered by a government-implanted chip.

At the thought of the last, Buffy made up her mind to pay a visit to Clem.

***

"I know you're in there, Clem. We can hear the TV." Dawn yelled.

Buffy regretted for the nth time that she had let slip where she was going. Once her little sister knew she was going to talk to Spike's friend, Dawn had insisted on tagging along. Now, they stood in a dim and smelly hallway in a skanky boardinghouse waiting for the floppy eared demon to answer his door.

She sighed and decided it was time to reason with Clem. "Clem, this is Buffy. If you don't answer your door in three seconds, I'm going to kick it down. One, two..."

The door opened a crack and Clem peered out. "Good afternoon, Buffy. Dawn. Sorry it took me so long. I was...indisposed." He gave a wan smile. "How can I help you?"

"I want to ask you some questions about Spike."

Dawn nodded. "Have you heard anything from him, Clem."

Clem hesitated. His ears quivered so much that Buffy grew suspicious. "Aren't you going to invite us in Clem. Normally, you're so hospitable."

"Um...sure, just wait a minute, DAWN and BUFFY." The door clicked shut again.

"Why is he yelling?" Dawn asked. Buffy shrugged. She couldn't figure out why the floppy eared demon was acting so strangely.

Through the door, the sisters could hear scurrying sounds and a couple really loud thuds. Occasionally, Clem continued to call out that he was delighted that they dropped by. Buffy was ready to break the door down when it opened again. Clem smiled and motioned them in.

The demon's room was small. A set of bunkbeds against one wall and a card table left little room to stand, so Dawn and Buffy perched on the unmade lower bunk while Clem fetched canned soda from a dorm sized refrigerator. He handed Dawn a bowl of chips from the card table and sat down uneasily on a folding chair.

"So you want to know where Spike is?" Clem said loudly. "Well, you came to the WRONG place. I haven't seen hide nor hair of him in almost two months."

Buffy stared at the card table. There were two glistening water rings on the green fake leather, but only one glass. The Slayer narrowed her eyes. "Who was in here with you, Clem? Who did you have to get rid of before you let us in?"

Clem seemed to shrink. "Just a lady friend. She was shy." He replied in a jittery voice.

Dawn giggled, but Buffy stood up. "Where is she now?"

"Uh, she went out the window. I guess she's halfway home by now. You know those Ying demons, they can really move when they want to." Clem babbled. "So I guess you'll be going now. Since I don't have any news about Spike."

Before Buffy or Dawn could protest, Clem jumped up and opened the door. Wordlessly, the girls left. Outside the boarding house, the Summers sisters looked at each other. "That was weird." They both said it at the same time, prompting them to burst into laughter.

"I mean, imagine Clem with a girlfriend." Dawn said between giggles. Buffy nodded, then sobered. "I don't know, Dawnie. He said she was a Ying demon, but my Slayer sense said a vampire had been in the room."

Dawn's eyes widened. "Do you think it was Spike?" The teen wheeled and would have headed back up the stairs if Buffy hadn't grabbed her arm.

"No." Buffy was surprised by how disappointed her own voice sounded. "Not Spike. I mean, why would he hide from us?"

The younger sister reached out and touched Buffy's cheek. "Because he's ashamed of hurting you."

For a few seconds, Buffy's vision blurred. Then she blinked and shook her head. "No, it wasn't Spike, sweetie. Just some other vampire friend of Clem's. Too shy to meet the Slayer," she quipped. "That's why the lower bunk bed was so rumpled. Whoever it was grabbed a blanket and jumped out the window. See the pansies are trampled."

Dawn was crestfallen as she examined the crushed flowers. "If Clem doesn't know where Spike is, I guess nobody does."

"I guess not, Dawnie. Oh, don't cry." Buffy hugged her little sister. "I'm sure he's okay. Sunnydale just got old for him. He's probably stirring up trouble somewhere. He'll get his ass kicked and come home."

"Do you really think so?" Dawn sniffed.

"Sure. C'mon. Let's go home."

***

The gifts continued to come every day, but after the third week they changed to mere trinkets or something her admirer might have found-a small bouquet of wildflowers, once an unusual stone. So it was a big shock when Buffy found a little blue box from a well known jeweler propped against the front door.

Buffy held her breath as she tugged on the white satin ribbon and pulled off the lid to reveal a small gold cross embedded with tiny pearls. Buffy sat down heavily, the box lid still clutched in one hand. She stared at the pendant wordlessly for several minutes. She finally got up the courage to take it out of the box when her sister came back into the room.

"Wow!" Dawn squealed with delight. She stroked the cross with one finger.

"Yeah, and now I know for sure it's not Chuck." Buffy said, placing the necklace back into the box. "He could never afford something like this on his wages from the Doublemeat. Besides, he'd never buy a cross. He's an atheist."

"Ok. Who then?"

"I don't know, Dawn." Buffy stared at the cross. "But I think Giles is right. However, it is, he knows I'm the Slayer."

Dawn looked frightened.

"No, Dawnie. I think it's a good thing. I mean a cross is a weapon for a Slayer. He wants to keep me safe, don't you see."

***
Although she knew she should let Giles check it out first, Buffy wore the cross when she went on patrol that evening. Its not insubstantial weight between her breasts was comforting. Two stakings and her work for the night was done. Giles, too, thought that Sunnydale's vamp population had gotten scarce of late. They didn't wonder too much about it. Life around the Hellmouth had its own rhythms. Just as evil ebbed, it eventually flowed. Soon enough, some Big Bad would arrive in town and she'd long for a quiet night.

Still, it felt weird to go home before the sun was up. She decided to take a third stroll through the cemetery on the off chance that a fledgling had risen. That killed about fifteen minutes. It also brought her within spitting distance of Spike's crypt. She sat on a headstone and stared at it for a while. When had she been here last? Six weeks ago, maybe? It had been daytime, a Saturday afternoon when Dawn had insisted on stopping by yet again to see if the bleached blond vampire had returned to Sunnydale.

He hadn't and no one knew where he was. Not Willy or Clem. Buffy had even taken to interrogating vampires before she staked them. It was a waste of time, most were new to Sunnydale these days. But Buffy did it anyway. Anything to make Dawn stop crying.

After the visit to Clem, she'd wasted more time fruitless searching before she had convinced her little sister that Spike was gone for good. "He can't be." Dawn had protested one last time. "He didn't take his duster. He loved that coat. He wouldn't just leave it behind. Without any explanation or saying goodbye." She sobbed. "To me, I mean, not to the duster."

"I know what you mean, honey." Buffy whispered, as she stroked Dawn's hair. She made up her mind to move the duster from the hall closet to the storage cabinet in the basement. Out of sight, out of mind. For Dawn's sake. And her own.

Now, it was a half an hour until daylight. The Slayer took a deep breath and entered the crypt. The place still had a charred smell from being firebombed when she and Riley discovered the clutch of Suvolte demon eggs. Spike had tried to fix it up, but it was never decent again. Now, most of the things he'd left behind were gone. Even his little microwave. A carved walking stick that she had never seen before leaned against the refrigerator door. Spike didn't own a walking stick.

Buffy took a deep breath as she realized that some other creature had taken up residence in the crypt. Probably a vampire, judging from the continued lack of mirrors. She didn't know why it hurt so badly. It was hardly a surprise that another demon had moved in. Spike had been gone at least two months. He wasn't coming back. He was probably dead.

Buffy resolved to come back the following night and get rid of whoever was living in the crypt. Then she'd seal off the place, maybe blow it up.

***
The next morning's surprise gift was a slim square package. Inside was a CD jewel case. Her secret admirer had made a mix disc!

When she popped the disc into her walkman, Chad Kroeger's distinctive voice filled her ears. She smiled. It was the theme song from the new Spider-man movie. She and Dawn loved the movie; they had seen it three times already.

"Someone told me
Love would all save us
But, how can that be
Look what love gave us"

Buffy smiled. Two months ago, she had the same cynical view. Then Xander stopped Willow from destroying the planet with three simple words. Whatever pain love brought, it also held the means to heal.

"And they say
That a hero could save us
I'm not gonna stand here and wait
I'll hold onto the wings of the eagles
Watch as we all fly away"

She hummed along.

"Now that the world isn't ending
It's love that I'm sending to you
It isn't the love of a hero
And that's why I fear it won't do."

The words were sung so ruefully that she longed to find her admirer and tell him she didn't need a hero. A good man would do. One who wouldn't go evil if they slept together or make her the butt of campus jokes the next day. One who wouldn't give succor to her enemies or try to force himself on her. Could her secret admirer be such a man?

***

Buffy rushed through patrol the next evening. It was even deader than the night before. One stupid fledgling who practically staked himself in his eagerness to jump her. She brushed his dust off her clothes and headed for Spike's crypt.

She slipped in once she was sure it was empty. Maybe the vampire she'd Slain earlier was the new tenant. No one else had been nearby.

The main room of the crypt looked cold without the furnishings that Spike had when he lived there. Those she and Riley hadn't destroyed must have been tossed out by the latest resident. Only his chair and small television remained. She ran her hand along the top of the TV set, smiling despite herself at Spike's addiction to daytime soap operas. Maybe she should take it home for Dawnie when she torched the place. She knew Joyce wouldn't have liked for the teen to have a TV in her room, but it might be a healthier momento than the duster.

It took less than ten minutes to set the charges. She had just started spooling the wire when her Slayer sense prickled. She knew without turning around that the new occupant of the crypt was back. Buffy slid a stake from the inner pocket of the jacket. She whirled instinctively and thrust the stake into the midsection of the creature rushing toward her.

The vampire staggered back in shock, revealing Spike's anguished face! "Buffy?" he moaned and fell to the ground.

Continued...