1. Spike getting injured and having to take pain pills. Buffy has to take care of Stoner Spike.

2. Anya breaking Xander’s nose for imagining Buffy as a naughty little nurse.

3. Spike describing an incident that happened back in the 60s or 70s involving some sort of drug.

4. Spike mistaking Buffy for his mummy.

5. Willow and Tara make brownies, mixing their herbs up with Giles’ secret stash.

"Bloody hell, Slayer!" Spike snarled as Buffy propelled the six hundred-pound demon she had been pummeling towards him. He had been busy fighting off a couple of vamps and didn’t notice the demon coming at him until it was too late. It flew right into him; the force caused him to lose his balance and crash into the headstone behind him. The demon landed on top of him.

Buffy dashed over and snapped the demon’s neck.

"Owwww," Spike groaned.

She rolled her eyes. "Spike, get up." When he didn’t move, she continued, "I’m serious. I’m so not in the mood for your games right now."

"Bitch," he growled, shutting his eyes, trying not to let the pain overpower him. His right shoulder and arm felt like they were on fire. Eventually the pain proved to be too much, and he passed out.

Willow and Tara, who had been watching the fighting from a safe distance while they tried out some new spells, came over to see what was going on.

"Um, Buffy," Willow began as she took in the unconscious vampire still lying on the ground. "I think he’s hurt pretty bad."

"What?" She couldn’t believe it. He couldn’t be hurt. Not Spike. He always bounced back with some snide remark.

Tar knelt down beside him, tentatively reaching out to gentle pat his face in the hopes of reviving him. "I th-think we should get him to Giles’."

Willow and Buffy both agreed.

But there was just one problem. "How are we gonna get him to Giles’?" Buffy asked. "I don’t know if we should move him very much. We could make his injuries worse." How worse, she didn’t know. She didn’t even know what was wrong with him in the first place. All she knew was that he wasn’t dead, well he was dead, but at least he wasn’t a pile of ashes. He had to get better; he just had to. No matter how much he annoyed her at times, he always made things more interesting.

Willow, spoke up, breaking Buffy out of her musings. "We could levitate him and float him there!"

"You can do that?"

"Well, not by myself. But I’m pretty sure that Tara and I can."

Tara nodded in agreement.

Together the two witches carefully lifted Spike up, and they set off. Buffy led the way, thinking about the strange picture the four of them must make, with Spike floating between Willow and Tara. Only in Sunnydale could this sort of thing go unnoticed.

They eventually reached Giles’ apartment. Buffy opened the door, stepping back to let the other three through. Spike was carefully lowered onto the couch while Buffy called for Giles.

He entered the room from the kitchen. "Buffy, what on earth…" He trailed off, seeing Spike on the couch. "What happened?"

"Buffy kinda broke Spike," Willow answered.

"I did not!"

"And who threw the giant demon at him?"
"It was an accident," she mumbled.

Giles sighed. "Willow, call Xander. Tell him to bring over some blood." Willow left the room to use the phone. He continued, "Has he been like this the entire time?"

Buffy explained, "He was awake at first, but he wasn’t moving. Then I think he passed out or something."

Giles was still trying to determine the extent of Spike’s injuries when Xander and Anya arrived. From what he could determine, the cuts on his face were shallow, but his right shoulder and arm appeared to be shattered.

Giles turned away for a moment to talk to Xander, who was complaining about having to fetch blood for the evil undead. A loud groan emanating from the couch turned everyone’s attention back to Spike. Willow explained to Xander and Anya what had happened while Buffy went to warm up the blood.

Spike could not believe the pain he was in. He hadn’t felt this bad since Buffy had dropped the organ on him. ‘Bloody bitch. Everthin’ bad that’s ever happened to me has been her fault.’

"Spike," Giles began, "How are you feeling?"

"How the bloody hell do you think I’m feelin’ you git?"

Buffy glared at him. "He’s just trying to help."

Spike snorted in response.

Giles rolled his eyes, wishing that the two could be civil to each other for once. He turned to Tara, who had been silently observing everyone. "Tara, could you please go bring me some pain pills? There should be a bottle in the medicine cabinet."

She returned a moment later with a very large bottle of prescription pain pills, causing everyone to look at Giles in amazement.

He cleared his throat. "They’re for medicinal purposes. I find that it helps to have them around. You never know when one might be knocked unconscious or what all."

"Plannin’ on hittin’ yourself over the head, then?" Spike sniped.

"They’re not for me, you twit. They’re for you. We’re going to have to try and reset your bones, and vampire healing aside, it’s going to take several days for you to heal properly." He unscrewed the cap from the bottle.

Spike eyed the bottle in disdain. "Keep that crap away from me. Don’t do drugs anymore."

"Anymore?" Buffy questioned. "Meaning, you used to?"

"Don’t get all high and mighty, Slayer. Sixties, Seventies, everyone did ‘em. Usually just fed on gits already stoned. Sometimes pocket their goodies after. One time, did some LSD at this disco. Dru and me, we spent the whole night dancin’. Thought we were in bloody outerspace. Blokes kept turnin’ into Martians. Course, we killed ‘em all."

"On that happy note, everyone who votes to just stake the evil vampire and put him out of his misery, raise your hand," Xander quipped. "Ow!" he exclaimed as Anya elbowed him in the ribs.

"As much I enjoyed that lovely trip down memory lane, we should really get on with this," Giles said.

"Still not takin’ ‘em."

He shrugged, poking Spike’s shoulder.

"YEOW!" he bellowed. "Give me." He grabbed the bottle from Giles, and dumped a handful’s worth of pills into his mouth, washing them down with a mugful of blood.

"Good thing you’re already dead," Buffy said.

It didn’t take long for the pills to kick in. Buffy held Spike still while Giles set his shoulder and arm to the best of his ability. For once, Spike had left his duster at home, but Giles had to cut off his shirt in order to tend to his injuries. He used the remaining material from the shirt to make a makeshift sling to hold his arm and shoulder in place.

Giles left to put the supplies away, leaving Buffy to clean up Spike’s cuts.

Spike felt like he was floating. He stared up at the ceiling. There were little flecks in the ceiling, and they were moving. He could see all sorts of pictures in them. ‘Pretty pictures. Pretty ‘lil Slayer takin’ care of me.’ He frowned. ‘No, not Slayer. Slayer not like me.’

He was confused. No one had been so gentle with him, taken care of him, since his mother. Closing his eyes, he tried to sort through his confusion. He was transported back to a time when he was a boy and had been very sick. His mother had sat with him all night, trying to bring his fever down. Now he was so cold, and her hands felt so warm. It was the fever. "Mummy…" he murmured, relaxing under her gentle touch.

"Giles! He just called me his mommy!" Buffy was freaked.

He frowned. "I’m really not surprised. He did take an immense quantity of painkillers. He’s probably delusional."

"Great. That’s all I need. A delusional chipped vampire."
"Buffy, this is serious. I don’t think that he should be left alone. Who knows what he might do? He could seriously harm himself."

"And that would be bad because…"

"Buffy!" Willow shook her head at her friend. "That wasn’t very nice. After all, this is-"

Buffy interrupted, "My fault. I know. Fine. I’ll try to be nice."

"That’s all I ask."

"Buffy," Giles started to clean his glasses, not wanting to see the look on his slayer’s face when she heard what he was about to say. "I think that you should take care of him."

"Me? Why me? Mortal enemies here, ring any bells?"

"You’re the only one of us strong enough to subdue him, if the need should arise."

She was horrified. "Giles!"

"Buffy, I’m afraid that you’re going to have to play nurse for awhile."

Xander laughed nervously. "And when you say ‘play nurse’…"

Anya glared at him and punched him in the nose.

"OUCH!" He gingerly touched his nose. "What did you do that for?"

"You were imagining Buffy naked."

"What? I wasn’t…"

Anya was upset. "Yes, you were. You were imagining Buffy as a naughty nurse, which means you were thinking about her naked.

"I think my nose is broken!"

"Good," she smiled. "Now I can play naughty nurse."

Spike looked at the Slayer and giggled. ‘Slayer in a nurse outfit… Oooh… naughty little nurse.’ He stared at her, and her long skirt and tank top were transformed into skimpy nurse’s attire. Her back was to him, as she watched the by-play between Xander and Anya. Taking advantage of her distraction, he used his good arm to reach out and grab her ass.

"Oh my God!" Buffy turned around and glared at him. "You are so dead!"

‘Oooh… naughty nurse gonna scold me. Gonna punish me.’ He grinned idiotically at her, transfixed by the way the light reflected off her hair. ‘Pretty hair. Wanna touch... Hmmm… ‘lil Slayer nurse looks mad. Maybe touch later.’

This exchange had gone unnoticed by the rest of the group. Willow was examining Xander’s nose, since he wasn’t about to let Anya anywhere near it again. The prognosis was that it was broken, which thrilled Anya.

"Come on. Let’s go home. I’ll put on my nurse’s outfit, and we can have lots of sex." She pulled Xander out the door.

Giles looked a little nauseated. "That was more information than I cared to know."

Willow smiled at him. "Well, at least she didn’t tell us what positions they were going to use this time."

"Uh, yes. Good thing."

"So…" Tara spoke up, surprising the three other sober inhabitants of the room. She had been so quiet the entire time that they had almost forgotten she was there. Spike was too busy staring at Buffy’s hair to take notice of anything else. Tara continued, "N-n- now what?"

"Well…" Giles took off his glasses to clean them again. "I have to leave to go to a prior engagement. I take it everything will be okay here?"

"Sure," Willow grinned. "It’ll be fine. Tara and I will stay and keep Buffy company. The four of us can hang out. It will be like a double date!" She noticed Buffy’s dismayed _expression and corrected, "Except not. Cause you know, Buffy and Spike, not dating."

Spike giggled. ‘Slayer on date. Date. Sex. Sex with Slayer. Pretty Slayer. Pretty hair.’

Glaring at Spike, Giles quickly uttered a prayer of thanks that Buffy couldn’t stand Spike. He said goodbye, saying that he probably would be late. He quickly left before anything else could happen to interfere with his plans.

Tara smiled at Spike. "H-h-how are you feeling?"

He turned his head to look at her, but didn’t answer. He frowned as she kept looking at him. She wouldn’t stop looking at him. It was starting to really wig him out. She was going to do something to him! He just knew it. She was looking at him. He started to growl.

"Spike! Knock it off," Buffy ordered.

He quieted down, switching his attention back to Buffy’s hair. But he still kept darting glances over at Tara, just waiting for her to act.

The girls looked at one another, not sure what to do now. Tara and Willow smiled at each other.

"Brownies!" Willow exclaimed.

"What? What about brownies?" Buffy asked.

"Tara and I. We’ll make brownies while you watch Spike." The two witches scurried off to the kitchen, leaving Buffy alone with Spike.

He was glad Tara was gone. If she wasn’t there, then she couldn’t look at him anymore. That meant he could look at the Slayer’s hair and not have to worry about anything else.

Buffy flopped down on a chair across the room from Spike. The last thing she wanted to be doing was babysitting her mortal- make that former- mortal enemy. She wondered how the brownies were coming along.

Most of the ingredients were mixed. Willow was giving it one last stir, when she remembered that they’d forgotten something. "Tara, will you grab my herbs for me? I think I left some in that cupboard over there. They’re supposed to help keep you healthy and stuff."

Tara looked through the herbs and spices. Almost all of the containers were labeled, but she did find one small, unlabeled jar. She opened it up and examined its contents. There was some kind of crumbly substance in it, and it smelled kind of sweet. She handed the jar to Willow, who didn’t even looking at the container before dumping its entire contents into the mix. She then poured the mix into a pan and put it into the oven.

Buffy was bored. She started looking through Giles’ things on the shelves. ‘There has to be something interesting here. No one can be that boring.’ She found a small bottle of whiskey, tucked behind some books on one of the top shelves. She knew she shouldn’t. Booze bad. But she was stuck in a room with Spike. She glanced over at him. He had somehow managed to move himself down to the floor and was rummaging through the contents of her purse. ‘What the hell. Not like he’s going anywhere.’ She unscrewed the cap and took a generous swig. "Blah!" ‘That was disgusting!’ She took another swig. "Blah!"

In the meantime, Spike had dumped everything in Buffy’s purse out onto the floor. He opened her compact mirror, fascinated by how he could make the light from the lamp reflect off of it. He held the mirror up to his face. ‘Where’d I go?’ He turned it upside down, but he still couldn’t see himself. "Slayer! Help!"

By this time Buffy had finished most of the bottle. She stumbled over to where Spike was. ‘Hey. When did Giles move the floor?’ Giggling, she sat down next to him. "What’s wrong?" she slurred.

His lower lip started to tremble. Holding out the mirror to her, he whined, "I can’t find me!"

"In the mirror? That’s cuz you’re a vampire. Vampires don’t shows up so good in mirrors. That’s cuz they go poof," she giggled.

Tears welled up in his eyes as he set the compact down. She was laughing at him. She always laughed at him. "You’re mean!" he accused.

"What? I’m sorrys." She leaned over him, running her fingers through his hair, trying to soothe him.

He began to softly purr. ‘Mmm… Feels good. Nice. Nice Slayer. Nice hair. Pretty.’ Using his good arm, he reached out to touch her hair. He captured a strand between his fingers, savoring the feel of her hair. ‘Silky. Pretty.’

Green eyes stared into blue. Neither one of them knew who moved first. All of a sudden, Spike was running his tongue across her lips, slipping it inside her mouth as she gasped. Buffy stared at him for a moment before returning the kiss, and their tongues battled for dominance. She swung a leg across him, straddling him. He ran his hand down her back, pausing for a moment to fondle the curves of her ass, before pulling her down so she was sitting on top of his throbbing cock. Thin cotton and worn denim were all that separated them.

"Spike," she moaned as he ran his tongue down her neck. "What am I doing?"

"Takin’ care of me." He sat up and pulled her tank top over her head.

"Oh, yeah…" She groaned as his mouth latched onto a nipple, sending waves of pleasure shooting down to her center. She ground against him, wanting more friction. A part of her knew she shouldn’t be doing this, knew that this was Spike. But he felt so good. Besides, she was drunk, and he was stoned. No one could blame them for their actions. Besides, Giles did say that she had to take care of him. That meant taking care of all of his needs, right?

Spike traced her other nipple with the pad of his thumb. ‘Slayer titties pretty.’

Buffy couldn’t take it anymore. She wanted him inside of her, now. She unzipped his zipper, pushed her thong aside, and sunk down on him.

Spike shuddered as he felt her wet heat surround him. He raised his knees up until they brushed against her back. His arm circled her waist, pulling her close until her swollen breasts were rubbing against his chest.

Buffy started to move. She slowly rose up, until only his tip was still inside of her. She giggled at the look of dismay on Spike’s face as she teased him. Growling, he pulled her back down on him, and captured her lips in a savage kiss. He matched his thrusts to her movements as she started to ride him.

Spike couldn’t remember the last time anything had felt this good. ‘Oooh… naughty Slayer. Naughty, naughty Slayer. Gonna cum soon. Gonna cum in naughty Slayer.’

Buffy was so close. She was just on the verge when Spike reached between their bodies to stroke her clit. One stroke was all it took to send her over the edge. "Spiiiiiike!" she screamed as she came, collapsing on top of him.

His own release followed right after.

They stared at each other; neither one could fully believe what had just happened. Buffy broke the silence with a giggle. "More," she said, as she stepped out of her skirt and thong and started pulling Spike’s pants off.

In the meantime, the brownies had finished baking. Tara and Willow were eating them as they talked.

"Yummy," Willow said as she helped herself to another brownie. "I don’t know why I’m so hungry all of a sudden."

"Me neither," Tara mumbled, mouth full of brownie.

"Hmmm… I know what we can do with the brownies. I always thought that Giles’ kitchen could use more color, don’t you?"

"You wanna paint with brownies?"

"Yeah," Willow giggled.

Tara smiled. "Sounds like fun."