He was away from her and he was hating every second of it.

Spike was driving in his DeSoto towards the east. He had left the Slayer and the Nibblet right after dusk, telling them that he had an important business to attend to. His business was not one of the most exciting things in the world, although not to say it was downright repulsive to him, but the Slayer needed his help, she needed money.

He had been approached a few nights ago by a member of the, what he thought defunct, Initiative. This chap had said everything that Spike needed to hear. In exchange for $10,000, the Initiative wanted to test his chip. Apparently, his was the only one that was working so well and they wanted to know why. That had seemed totally disgusting to him. He didn't want another of his undead fellows to end up like him, but the money was so needed and, for some kind of unexplainable reason, the Initiative’s guy had known about their need.

'Bloody Hell, they’ve been spying on us,' he had thought.

But Spike was far from being stupid, and the Initiative had known it. He would never have gone without some assurance that he would be released. The Initiative guy had explained that the offer included a hostage to be given to Spike to hide wherever he wanted. If the Initiative didn't release him, the hostage would most certainly die of thirst. Knowing full well the danger he was walking into if he took any of the Initiative's volunteers, Spike had turned their own plan against them. He had locked the Initiative's volunteer away the night before, like he was supposed to do, but he had added his own little twisted touch to the hostage concept.

Just before leaving town, Spike had kidnapped a young 8 year old girl who was riding her bike on her way home from a friend’s house. He had hated himself for doing it, and he knew that if the Slayer ever found out, she would stake him good and proper. But he had no choice. He knew that the Initiative's volunteer would probably be rescued, since they had followed him all the previous evening after the exchange had been done, but he doubted they would find the little girl. They didn't even know about her yet, and Spike had hidden her well, at a place where he knew nobody would find her, not the Initiative and not any lurking vampires.

He had felt guilty to do this, but he had no choice, he kept on reminding himself, and it was only for one day. He needed somebody who would make the Initiative care, and a little, innocent girl would most certainly make this happen.

He had treated her relatively well, considering the circumstances. He had given her a mattress to sleep on, dolls to play with, and food and water to last her the entire day. He hadn’t liked to tie her little ankles to the floor with these ugly metal manacles, but she was no use to him if she was to escape. He had tried to be as friendly as he could, talking to her as he talked to the Nibblet, but she had been understandably terrified of him.

And he hated himself for it, but he had no choice. What a poofter he was becoming, caring for some human girl.

And now, he was on his way to this secret location with Polaroid pictures of his young victim tossed in his pocket. Hopefully, she wouldn't have to die because of him.

An hour after he left Sunnydale, he arrived at a remote farm location that seemed pretty deserted, but he knew they were there - the beast in him could smell their warm blood. He parked his car behind the barn, as he had been told to do, and walked towards it. Soldiers, in camouflage gear and with nasty looking guns, walked out of the woods and towards him. He raised his hands in the air and took his best, annoyed posture.

"I'm unarmed," he said.

A soldier approached him and searched him rapidly.

''Cleared!" he called.

At that moment, a middle-aged woman wearing a white laboratory overcoat walked out of the barn followed by a young man, most probably her assistant, and by two other soldiers. With his better than average night vision, Spike could see some gray in her dark brown hair that was worn tied back. She wore glasses almost to the tip of her nose, and she held a pad in her hands, from which she was reading. She stopped in front of him and looked up into his eyes. Even if she was almost a head shorter than him, she wasn't in the least afraid of him. She meant business and in a strange way reminded him of his Slayer.

"Hostile 17," she said evenly.

"Spike," said Spike, rolling his eyes, annoyed at the laboratory reference.

"Sure," said the woman, indifferently. "We are surprised you trusted us enough to come."

"Well, now that you mention it, I didn't quite trust you so I took a step of my own to ensure my safe return," he said, digging in his pocket as he spoke.

He ignored the sound of the guns that were suddenly aimed at him. He knew they would not shoot him, as they needed their lab subject 'alive', or at least undead.

"See," he said, throwing his first picture on the woman's pad, smiling devilishly. "She’s sweet, ain’t she?" he added throwing his four other pictures, one by one.

Spike saw a flash of something passed on the woman's composed face, and he could swear she was a shade paler. He knew he had gotten her attention.

"She doesn't have any water or food…" lied Spike. "And of course, she's hidden and doesn't have the training nor the Initiative resources to escape… She. Only. Has. Me," added Spike. "So it's very simple: you do your test and you let me go with the money you so conveniently promised, and I release the girl."

"Very clever," whispered the woman. "Follow me!" she added authoritatively.

"Tsk! Tsk!" said Spike. "Woman! I am *not* stupid. I want to make sure that you *have* the money before I even go in there."

"Soldier!" called the woman to one of the soldier behind her.

The soldier walked towards Spike with a suitcase in his arms. He opened it in front of Spike who looked inside, moving some bills around, and checking to see if the money was counterfeit.

"That'll do," he said, grinning the most devilish smile he could manage.

And he followed them into the barn.

~ ~ Chapter 1 ~ ~

"Willow, were we like that at 16?" Buffy asked her best friend.

They were sitting in the living room. The TV was on but they weren't watching it. They were both relaxing, drinking tea, enjoying each other’s company, while Dawn was asleep in her bedroom.

Tara was not there tonight, she had a school team assignment. Spike was not there either, and even if Buffy was glad to have a break and some time to herself, she was missing his presence. He hadn't told her where he was going, only that he would be back the next day. There relationship had definitely evolved since they first began to see each other in a 'romantic way' almost a year ago. They had started with pure sex and gone their separate ways for a while. They had then decided to get back together and move towards a healthier relationship, if not still tumultuous, with fights, gentle words, slaying, and lovemaking. She had learned to trust and depend on him a lot more, not because she was weak, needy, or selfish, but because he completed her so well.

Lately, in the last 4 months or so, their relationship had evolved again: the fights were replaced by more gentle moments, as if their inner demons had gotten tired and were now making way for their more mature selves.

"Earth to Buffy! Do you copy?" asked Willow.

"Oh! Sorry!" said Buffy, coming back to earth. "I was thinking…"

"Yes, I can see that!" said Willow, smiling. "Was it about Spike?"

"Yeah!" admitted Buffy, smiling shyly.

Her friends’ reactions to her relationship with Spike had been predictable in some cases, and surprising in others. She had told them one day when they were all at the Magic Box. She didn't remember what they had been arguing about, but Xander had said: "Buffy, don't tell me you actually *trust* Evil Dead here! Don't tell me you trust him enough that you would have him watch your back!"

"And why shouldn't I trust him, Xander?" she had asked back, standing up. "He's been a lot of help to all of us lately, and saved our butts more than once!"

"Because he *is* what he *is*, which is a demon, in case you don't remember! And demons can't be trusted!"

"Well, I trust him enough to let him sleep in my bed every night, might as well trust him to watch my back in a cemetery!" she had said angrily.

"Wh-what?!" had said Xander confused. "Tell me I didn't hear what I just heard?"

Xander had been totally disgusted, which didn't surprise Buffy. Willow had looked back at her with a big smile, obviously happy at the news. That had been a surprise. Spike and Buffy had gone out of their way to hide their relationship from Willow, which had been quite a challenge since Willow lived in the same house. She didn't think Willow would have taken it so positively.

As for Anya, her jaw had dropped to the floor.

"You mean you and Spike are having sex?" she had asked, which had not surprised Buffy in the least.

Xander had stared at Anya with an unreadable expression and she had smiled happily.

"Well, sex is cool! It's nice to know Buffy is having some."

And Buffy had looked at Spike who was sitting on the mezzanine ladder. A myriad of emotions could be read on his face: surprise, shame, love, trust, fear, and even amusement. She knew he loved her, he had said it so many times already, and he had respected her enough to keep their relationship to himself and Dawn. She had found out about them when she had walked on them at Spike’s crypt. She had been so happy to know they were together.

Slowly, he had stood up and indecisively walked toward her. He did not know if she wanted to be close to him after so hard a confession. Hesitantly, he had touched her face and she had closed her eyes, revelling in his touch. She had taken refuge in his arms and had heard Xander gasp behind her. She was amazed at how much this confession had drained all the energy from her body. She had obviously dreaded her friends' reactions.

"I love you," Spike had said to her ears alone.

"Guys, would you excuse us for a minute?" she had said, taking Spike's hand in hers and leading him towards the training room without waiting for their answers.

"They're going to have sex," she had heard Anya say, as they left the room.

But that was not why she had left. She had only needed to feel Spike's reassuring presence, his strong arms around her and his cool lips on hers without all the staring. In the workout room, she had turned to face him.

"Are you okay, Luv?" he had asked, worried at the tired expression on her face.

His hands had settled on her shoulders and hers on his hips.

"Yeah! I'm okay," she had answered. "Just want to feel you near me, is all."

And he had taken her in his cool muscled arms.

And tonight, in her living room, she wished for his arms around her, his reassuring presence next to her. God, how much she had let herself become dependent on him now, for support!

"Buffy, you don't look very well," said Willow, taking her out of her reverie.

"I'm okay, really," she said unconvincingly. "I miss him, is all."

"But Buffy, he's been gone for only five hours!"

"Yeah, I know… But for some reason, I feel like everything is easier when he's around. I don't know… It feels like dealing with Dawn is easier."

"You know, she's your responsibility, not his," reminded Willow gently.

Buffy couldn't help but remember that Giles had left in part because he thought she should take her responsibilities. And now, she wondered whether or not she was pushing these same responsibilities towards somebody else, towards Spike.

"Yes, I know. But the help is so needed and appreciated. And Dawn loves him so much."

"And you Buffy, do you love him?"

She had never said whether or not she loved him, not even to him, not even to herself. She looked deep in her heart to see if the answer was there. She still had this dull ache for Angel, and she knew she didn't love Spike the same way. She knew she would never love anybody like she had loved Angel, and every time she thought about loving somebody else, she felt like she was betraying him, even after all these years, even after they had decided it was time for them to move on.

"You're thinking of Angel again, aren't you?" asked Willow gently, as if she could read her mind.

Buffy didn't answer.

"You know Buffy, you need to move on with your life," Willow said gently, taking her friend's hands in hers. "Of course, you still love Angel, and you always will, like I'll always love Oz. But you have to allow yourself to love someone else too."

"But I feel like I’m betraying him," said Buffy.

She had only recently brought herself to actually talk to Willow, after her return from the grave, after all the resentment she had felt towards her best friend. It felt so good and right to confide in Willow again, especially since she accepted her relationship with Spike. Willow knew her so well; she knew her story and what was in her heart.

"But, you're *not* betraying him, Buffy! Angel is not going to come back, you know. So *you* have to move on like he has. You have enough room in your heart to love somebody else and… and… I mean, I wonder if Angel isn’t only an excuse…"

God, Willow knew her so well… Too well!

"I know deep down inside of you, you love Spike… and a lot more than you think," said the witch gently.

Buffy stayed quiet for a while, reflecting on what Willow had said. She had to finally be honest with herself: she liked Spike, a lot. He was this manly presence that she wanted so much. Even if they were fighting sometimes, she knew she could trust him with her life and Dawn's, especially since the chip was not working on her anymore and he hadn't killed her or seriously hurt her out of 'the evilness of his heart'. And he loved her so much. He was ready to die for her. As much as her relationship with Spike was different then the one she had with Angel, she had to admit that she might be in love with Spike… Not the same kind of love, but a fulfilling one, nevertheless.

"I think… I think you're right," whispered Buffy.

Willow looked at her silently, waiting for her to continue with an encouraging smile. Buffy was afraid to say it, to admit that she loved him because she knew the day she did, everything would change. Admitting that you love someone was a commitment in Buffy's mind, and she wondered if she was ready to commit to another man, another vampire...

The fact that he was a vampire made it so much harder. Vampires were supposed to be her greatest enemies. And in her short life, not only had she fallen in love with one of them, but two.

She just couldn't hide it to herself anymore: not only did she love Spike with all her heart, she was deeply in love with him. He was, with all his rudeness and his chaos, the best thing that had happened to her since she was brought back from the dead, and his absence felt like a drug withdrawal to an addict. She loved him and wanted him with her like she had never wanted anybody with her in her life. And it was new, and scary.

"I need him so much… I think I love him," admitted Buffy quietly.

"Oh Buffy! I'm so happy for you," said Willow, smiling.

Deep inside, Willow didn’t especially like the idea of her best friend dating a vampire but she had to admit, Spike was making Buffy happy. Of course she would have preferred to see Buffy with a normal guy, but the normal guy thing had been a total disaster.

"I think he's great for you… not because he's a vampire or anything, but because he loves you too."

They kept quiet for a few moments.

"His chip is not working on me anymore," said Buffy distractedly.

"What?!" said Willow, with distress in her voice. "Since when?"

"Since I came back... We found out some months ago. It seems like I have a molecular sunburn and that makes the chip go funky."

"Wow! That's big news!" said Willow a little shocked. "And you're not afraid? I mean, of what he could do to you?"

"At first, when I found out, I was *so* afraid that I beat the crap out of him but… we made up and it doesn't really scare me anymore. I think I would be long back in a coffin if he was going to do anything to me."

"Would you still trust him if his chip was completely out of the way?"

"Honestly? I think I would," answered Buffy, somewhat lost in her thoughts.

Buffy knew it came as a surprise to Willow. Even if the witch didn't seem to have any problems with their relationship, she still had some concerns with the fact that he was a vampire without a soul.

"And he's really a big help with Dawn…"

"She loves him very much, I know," said Willow.

"Yes. She's at the 'treat-me-like-an-adult' age. But she's only 16..."

"You know Buffy, I think you should let her loose a little, ease up on her."

"But what if something happens to her?" asked Buffy suddenly worried.

"Nothing will happen to her. You're covering her too much! Give her some breathing space. It's time for her to be allowed to go out on her own."

"But she's only 16," protested Buffy.

"Come on, you know we were worse than that at that age."

"You think?" asked Buffy with a small voice.

"Sure! You had Angel, I had Oz, and we were spending most of our time at the library or the Bronze, by ourselves. It's her turn now."

"Oh my God! Soon, she'll have a boyfriend! What am I gonna tell her when she asks to have him overnight?"

"Relax, Buffy! She's not there yet," answered Willow amused.

"But what if something happens to her… She's the only family I have left."

"Buffy, stop worrying! Nothing will happen to her! And, if it makes you feel any better, we'll all keep a discreet eye on her. You'll see. Everything will be fine."

Buffy sighed.

"I wish mom was here, she would know what to do," she said sadly.

Willow couldn’t find anything to say to that.

"Willow, what would you think if I was to sell the house?" asked Buffy after a few minutes of silence in dark reflections.

"You're sure about that? I mean, this is… this is *home*," said Willow surprised.

"Well, not really sure. But the house is such a big money black hole… I could go back to college with the money from the sale," she added cheerfully.

"Buffy, this *is* a very big decision."

"I know… But I don't know what else to do. I'm so broke, I'm about to go beg on Main Street, Willow…. I haven't paid the electricity bill in like forever. It's a miracle they haven’t cut us off yet. And all the other expenses like the taxes, and the hospital bills, and the everyday life… I just can’t deal anymore. I need to do something and I think selling the house is the best thing to do."

"Have you talked to Dawn about it?" asked Willow.

"No. I don't know how to… The house is the only thing we have left from Mom," she added sadly.

"That's true but, Buffy, your mom would prefer to see you sell the house than crumble in debts," said Willow. "And honestly, the more I think about it, the more I think it's a great idea," she added smiling reassuringly.

"You think?" asked Buffy with a small voice.

"Yeah!" said Willow. "Especially the part of you going back to college… That would be great. It would really give you a chance to get a better job and all."

"Thank you, Willow. It's a heart breaking decision and I'm glad you see it that way, especially since if I sell the house, you and Tara won't have any place to stay."

"Don't worry about us, we'll be fine. I'm pretty sure we could rent Giles’ condo… Or maybe we could all move together someplace, you know."

"Yeah! We'll see… But let's sell the house first," said Buffy smiling.

"Yup! First things first!"

***

"Morning," said Buffy to Dawn when she walked in the kitchen for breakfast the next morning. "Had a good night sleep?"

"Yup! I guess," answered Dawn in her own teenager way. "But you sure look awful! Spike's not here?"

Almost every morning, lately, Spike had been the one to cook breakfast.

"No, he's not," answered Buffy shortly.

Buffy didn't like to be reminded of how much she craved his presence.

"He's not gone, is he?" asked Dawn a little worried about the way Buffy had answered her.

"No," answered Buffy smiling. "He should be back sometime this evening."

They kept quiet for a few minutes.

"Dawn, I meant to tell you," began Buffy, breaking the silence. "For Friday, if you promise me to be careful, you can go to the Bronze with your friends."

If she hadn't already been sitting, Dawn would have fallen on the floor.

"B-Buffy, you're sure? I mean, no conditions?" she asked surprised.

"Well, yes, one or three…"

'I knew it was to good to be true,' thought Dawn with disappointment on her face.

"… For example, I don't want you to walk alone at night so if there's nobody with you, I want you to beep me and we'll go pick you up… Here…"

Buffy gave her a piece of paper with codes and notes. It was obvious that Buffy had seriously thought about this.

"… I even created a system of codes so I know what you want to tell me since, most of the time, I'm on patrol and you'll be calling from a public phone."

"That's it?" asked Dawn smiling.

"No," answered Buffy seriously.

Dawn lost her smile again.

"If you know you'll be later than eleven, I want you to beep me and let me know so I don't worry to death. Finally, I don't want you to do drugs or smoke, or get in a car with somebody who drank or is not mentally in this dimension… I want you to stay alive," she added sincerely. "I only have you and losing you is *not* an option!"

Her last comment was very sobering for Dawn.

"Thank you," she said.

"I would thank Willow if I were you," said Buffy. "She's the one who reminded me that you're 16 now. You know, I know you think you're a grown up and all, but you're still my little sister and I care about you. I don't want you to be taken away by Social Services again, so please try not to be as bad as I was, or get yourself dead."

"I'll try," said Dawn smiling. "I'll try."

***

They had conducted tests on his chip the entire day. Fortunately for him, they didn't have to open his brain to get what they wanted. They just used machines and computers to see through his skull. He had just hoped that they hadn’t had the idea of adding some nasty little functions to his chip, but apparently, they hadn’t thought of it.

'Or maybe they thought I wouldn't leave here alive… well, as alive as a vampire can be!' Spike had thought.

When they had released him, early that evening, he had been happy to finally go. But he had taken time to examine the suitcase they gave him to make sure it contained all the money they had promised or if it had been replaced while he was on the examination table.

"If you want to see me again, you know my price!" he had said flippantly as he left.

On his way home, he had stopped at a rest area and got rid of the suitcase. Maybe it was paranoia but he was sure they were bugged.

When he had gotten back to Sunnydale, it had taken him a while to liberate the young frighten girl. He had untied her chains and brought her back to the park where he had taken her. As soon as he had released her, she had ran away as fast as her little legs could take her, crying for her mommy. Discreetly he had followed her home to make sure nobody else attacked her.

'Bloody hell! Am I getting more of a conscience now?' he wondered as he followed her home.

And he knew, deep inside, that he was. He simply cared. There was a time where he wouldn't have given a damn about anything, but then his Slayer, his beautiful Slayer, had shown him how to care. Hell, she cared for everybody like a she-cat with her kittens.

It was later than the time he said he would be back. When he arrived at Buffy's house, nobody was home, not even the Nibblet or the wiccans. He took the opportunity to hide the money in the basement.

The liberation of the Initiative guy was next but he was not surprised to find that one gone already.

His next stop was the Magic Box, where he found Dawn and Willow.

"Where's Buffy?" he asked Dawn discreetly.

"Patrolling, I think," she answered distractedly, her eyes still on her books.

"Why didn't she wait for me?" he wondered aloud. "I hate when she goes off alone! I told her I would be back!"

"You're late!" said Dawn evenly. "Like, five hours late!"

'And Buffy must be braced off at me, like the Bit here. Bloody women!' he thought as he walked out of the store.

He found Buffy at the third cemetery he visited, the one where his crypt was. She was sitting on a tombstone, next to a fresh grave, lost in her thoughts.

'Damn Slayer! She's gonna get her bloody ass kicked if she doesn't pay more attention!'

He hid himself in the shadows and observed her like he used to do, months ago, before they began to… well, 'date'. She was lost in her thoughts, her eyes filled with what looked like dreams, loneliness and sadness. She was so perfect, so beautiful. Spike would have look at her all night. Her little hands were holding a stake and a hand crossbow expertly. Her eyes were looking at the stars and her untied blonde hair was floating in the wind. She looked like the perfect picture of a hunting goddess, his very own private Artemis. Even from where he was, he could hear her relaxed heartbeat and smell the loveliness of her life essence, of her blood. Never had he had the chance to taste this wonderful elixir, and thinking that Angel had, made him crazily jealous. But he knew better than to even remotely dare taste her. She would stake him in an instant, without a second thought.blink.

Her dreamy stance was broken when the dirt started moving at her feet. She was on her feet by the time the vampire was out of the ground. She had been waiting for him.

"Hello, cutie!" she said as flippantly as Spike would have. "I was waiting for you."

"We were, too," said a voice behind the Slayer.

'Ambush!' thought Spike, seeing ten vampires gathering around Buffy. 'Where the bloody hell did they come from?'

They were all obviously newly raised, but their number put Buffy in quite a disadvantage.

'How come she didn't sense them? She should have! What the hell is wrong with her?' thought Spike almost angry with her. 'And with me?'

He himself hadn't felt them, and he should have, too. Definitely, his Slayer was occupying his mind too much.

"Well, well, well!" said Buffy apparently unmoved by the unsuspected turn of events. "Seems like newbie here has some friends."

Despite her calm demeanour, Spike knew she was nervous: he could hear it in her heartbeat, heartbeat that he listened to every night like a cradle song when he went to sleep, heartbeat that now sounded more like one of those hip song the Nibblet liked so much.

"Yeah Slayer! He has some friends!" said the biggest vampire of them all, most probably the leader, with a nasty grin.

Walking out of his hiding place, Spike caught the scent of something vaguely familiar on these vampires, smell that he quickly forgot due to the urgency of the situation. He had no time to stop and ponder. He liked his Slayer well alive, thank you very much!

"Well, you forgot that the Slayer here has friends, too," he said walking behind the group of vampires nonchalantly.

He could clearly see a flash relief crossed Buffy's face. She would most probably have been able to take them out by herself, but another pair of fists made it so much easier.

"Missed me, Luv?" he asked in his typical flippant way.

"Spike! How nice of you to show up!" she bit back.

But he knew how glad she was to see him since her eyes were not reflecting the sarcasm of her tone.

"Need this, Honey?" she asked showing him a stake.

"Nope, pet! Got my own!" he answered with a smug grin, taking one out of his duster pocket.

"Can we get down to business now?" asked the leader of the group, rolling his eyes.

Buffy and Spike looked at each other and Spike shrugged.

"Why not!" said Buffy.

Buffy punched the leader in the face, unaware of the newly risen vampire behind her. The vampire caught Buffy by her arms and, blinded by his new-found hunger, didn't think about co-ordinating with the others. Instead, he tried to get at her pulsing jugular. Buffy knocked him with the back of her head and he let go of her, falling to the ground. As fast as lightning, Buffy turned around and staked him. He was not yet dust when she was back on her feet, facing her five other opponents. A quick glance in Spike's direction told her that he had dusted a few of his own already.

"Spike, why are you so late?" asked Buffy, landing a punch in her new opponent's belly.

"There was a lot of traffic on the highway," he answered kicking his opponent.

"Spike, be serious!' said Buffy, staking the vampire in front of her.

"Why? Worried about me, pet?" he asked flippantly, staking his enemy also.

Buffy heard the sound of a fist connecting with someone's jaw.

"Ouch! That *hurt*, bloody bastard!"

Laughing, Buffy grabbed the leg of the vampire who was about to kick her and threw him to the ground. She didn't see the another vampire slip behind her and, for the second time that night, a vampire caught her and held her with her arms behind her back. Unfortunately, this vampire had learned from its sibling's mistake and stayed well away from her head. Unable to take balance on the vampire's grip because of the way her arms were bent, she couldn't efficiently kick away the vampire facing her. Her kick landed on the side of its leg and the vampire grinned at the Slayer, apparently unhurt.

"Miummy!" said the vampire. "A Slayer dinner! What a treat!"

Somebody tapped on the vampire' shoulder and it turned around puzzled.

"Yeah! Well! If I cannot have a taste of her, I certainly won't let *you* put your fangs in her neck!" said Spike.

And he staked it. The last vampire standing, the one that was still holding Buffy, got scared and let go of her and began to run. Before it had time to go very far, Buffy snatched the stake from Spike's hand, turned and expertly threw it at its retreating back. The vampire was dust in an instant.

Slowly, as if afraid he wouldn't be there when she looked, Buffy turned around. Spike was there, standing a few feet away from her. His face was expressionless and they glanced at each other for a few seconds, which felt like an hour to Buffy. She didn't know if she should hit him for making her so worried or throw herself in his arms, relieved to see him alive… well, not alive but existing.

Then, his typical smug grin appeared on his face and she lost it. She punched him on the jaw, hard.

"Ow! What the fuck was that for?!"

"Don't you ever, *ever* make me worry like *that* again!"

She turned around and walked away.

Frozen by the shock of what just happened, Spike looked at the retreating back of his Slayer, rubbing his painful jaw.

'What the bloody hell was that all about?' wondered Spike silently.

Still looking at her exiting the cemetery, he sat on a tombstone not sure how he should feel. And he wondered what the bloody hell was wrong with her. When he had left the previous night, he thought she would have been happy to spend some time by herself and with her friends. She barely had anytime to herself anymore lately, with him always being around and all. He also thought that being late wouldn't be *that* big of a deal since she never seemed to care whether or not he was around. Most of the time, she didn't even bother to acknowledge his presence when he showed up at the Magic Box.

Why would she react like that? Was it another way for her to tell him he was unworthy? And she didn't want to know anything about him anymore? Was it another more painful way to finally decide that she had enough of him and that she was breaking up? And why would she have worried about his sorry ass, anyway? He was a bloody grown up vampire, and a master at that.

He frowned, remembering how pissed the Nibblet had also seemed to be.

What the bloody hell was going on?

"Don't you ever make me worry like that again?" he repeated softly, asking himself the meaning and deeper implications of it.

Why would she worry about him and tell him? It was completely out of her character to tell him that she remotely cared about him.

Unless…

He always knew there was something between them, even if she didn't acknowledge it. They had been together for a while now, and everything had seemed to go pretty… well… But maybe, just maybe…

And he remembered the last few weeks. They had been different. He had felt her more secure around him, and she was definitely a lot more pleasant to him. They had also fought a lot less. He could still feel her snuggled on the couch next to him last week, when they had watched a movie on TV. Only Dawn had snuggled next to him like that before, and he had rejoiced in finally feeling Buffy next to him that way. Her nice, warm, little body had kept his body and heart warm all evening. And he knew at that moment that she had needed to feel him next to her too, that she had felt secure there with him. She had fallen asleep in his embrace and he had taken her to bed. And he remembered how nice it was to lay there, next to her, and hold her little form all night. He had done that a lot lately and it always felt so good to have her against his chest.

When he got to Buffy's house, an hour later, there were still no lights on. As soon as he walked in, he saw Buffy's coat on the hook and he knew she was there. He hung his duster next to her coat and walked up the stairs. He found her in her bedroom, sitting on her bed, with her lights out. She was crying.

He walked to her bed and took her in his arms.

"Ssh! Luv! I'm here now," he said. "What's wrong?"

"Why?" she asked. "Why did you scare me like that?"

"I didn't mean to," answered Spike gently and still somewhat puzzled by her outburst. "It's not like I knew you would care."

"I care, okay?" she cried, feebly hitting his chest with her fist. "What would we have done if you hadn't come back?"

Spike was confused by her distress. She always told him all these nasty things that hurt him more than hell itself and now, she was crying over him because he was a couple hours late… Since when did she care enough to cry about it anyway? What the bloody hell had happened when he was gone?

"Luv, what's wrong?" he asked looking at her eyes.

"I’m… I’m… I’m terrified," she said finally. "I'm… I'm afraid you’ll leave or die like everybody else… And Dawn needs you so much… I need you so much."

Spike wasn’t sure if he should laugh or cry.

"You… you need me?"

It was more than Spike had ever dreamt she would admit to. Even after they had got back together, after what he referred to as “The Captain Cardboard Disaster”, she had never admitted to him that she needed him, or loved him, only that she wanted him. She had this weird idea that needing somebody was a sign of weakness… But he didn't believe it. Needing somebody could also be a sign of… love?

"Yes," she whispered, looking towards the floor. "Yes, I need you."

He hugged her against his chest and she cried, long painful sobs.

She gradually stopped crying and looked at him.

"Spike, promise me you'll never do that to me again," she asked quietly.

"Luv, if I had had any doubt in my mind that it would have hurt you, I would have called you," he said sincerely, caressing the side of her face. "I love you."

She closed her eyes as if she was enjoying his words.

"I love you," he repeated bringing his lips to hers.

He kissed her gently, then passionately.

Oh God! He wanted her so much. What he had done for her, going to the Initiative, had been incredibly dangerous, not to say stupid, but it all been for something: she needed him. He also needed her, needed the comfort of her flesh to reassure him that his Initiative ordeal was all over and that he was still of this world.

And she was kissing him back just as passionately.

Buffy had been so scared that something had happened to him. Since her conversation with Willow, she had finally realised how much she had fallen in love with her 'evil-bloodsucking-fiend', and she had finally admitted that not only was she in love with the vampire, she was deeply in love with the man inside, the *good* man who was capable of love, despite what was the popular belief. He might not have a soul, but he surely had a heart. And they were so many other people in this world who had souls and were a lot more evil than Spike.

But Buffy couldn’t tell him how much she loved him, not yet. She was not ready for that kind of commitment. She could only express her love with her body, like he was about to show her, like he had done so many times before.

Buffy felt Spike's cool hands roam over her body and grab her shirt. He pulled it up over her head and his mouth found her neck. His hands found her now naked breasts and caressed them eagerly.

Buffy's shaking hands unbuttoned his shirt and pulled it off his shoulders. Breathing heavily, she looked into his eyes. He bit his lower lip in his own sexy way, and she could read the burning desire to make love to her in his eyes.

He made her feel so good, so at home, more than anything or anyone else since she had been brought back. He had been there, supportive, loving, never one minute giving up on her. She knew he loved her totally, unconditionally. And at that very moment, she almost told him that she loved him also, with all her heart. But she didn't.

She took his face in her hands and pulled him towards her, on her, kissing him tenderly. And she felt his hands go to her pants and unzip them. He began to pull them down and she raised her hips off the bed to help him. He took her pants off completely, taking her socks away as well, and threw her last pieces of clothing on the floor, resuming his veneration of her neck.

She unbuckled and unzipped his jeans, and pulled them and his boxers down as much as her short arms would allow her. He raised up on his knees, between her legs, and took his pants and socks away. And he looked at her wonderful body, her mound hidden by her panties.

Buffy sat up and lovingly took his erection in her mouth. He moaned with pleasure and his hands found her hair. She gently sucked him and moved back and forth along his manhood.

"Buffy," he whispered. "Buffy…"

She could hear the love in his voice and she was again tempted to tell him how much she loved him too.

And he stopped her, pushing her back on the bed and he leaned over her, his sex on her still covered one. She looked at him with all the desire she could convey in her eyes.

"I want you," she whispered.

He rapidly tore away her panties and leaned back on her, his hardness teasing her highly excited clitoris with little, soft pressure. She felt the wetness of her core, the ache in her belly. She wanted to feel him inside of her, now!

She put her hands on his hips and pulled him towards her. He resisted while looking at her, surprised, but she won this confrontation and he slid inside of her.

Buffy moaned and she felt her inner muscles contract frantically. He had barely touched her but she needed him so much that she knew she would come as soon as he moved. And he moved.

Grabbing Spike strongly, almost to the point of breaking his ribs, she came, moaning loudly.

"Luv?" asked Spike, puzzled, after she released her grip on him.

Tears were running down her eyes. She wanted so much to tell him how much she loved him but she didn't dare.

He was looking at her surprised and confused, but most of all, worried.

"Pet, what's wrong?" he asked.

She could still feel him inside of her and she put her legs around his waist, pushing him deeper inside of her. He began to move again, kissing her eyes and checks, licking her tears away from her face. In a move of submission, she put her arms over her head, closing her eyes. She felt one of Spike's hands find hers and their fingers intertwined. She could feel his other hand taking away the rest of her tears, and his mouth found hers. She kissed him deeply, without reservation.

She felt the tension build inside of her again, and moaned into his mouth. He felt so good, he felt so right, and him within her was like a million caresses, it was like Heaven on Earth.

And his lips were on her check, on her lower lip, on her neck, everywhere. They were burning a path of wetness on her body. His hand found her breast, then went to her belly and then to her breast again.

Tightening her grip on Spike's intertwined fingers, she came again, moaning loudly. But this time, Spike didn't stop moving. She could feel his thrusts accelerate. She was spent, her breath was coming rashly but he felt so good. She felt the tension building within her yet again.

She came for a third time that night. A few seconds later, hiding his face in her neck, he came also. Without leaving her refuge, he rolled on his back, pulling her with him. She could still feel him tremble inside of her, and she felt her muscles contract against him.

"I love you, Buffy," he said, caressing her back gently. "I won't leave you."


Continue...