Shades of Grey
 Parts 1-3


Written by: Valerie
 Author's Website





Summary: This fic starts at the ending of the series finale of Angel. ( I suck at summaries, so that's all you get.) So who ever hasn't seen it and doesn't want to be spoiled, do not read any further.
Disclaimer: The show Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel (The Series) and all of it's characters belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, & Fox Prod.
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Chapter 1


Spike smiled as he thrust his sword into the belly of a Reeceim demon, while out of the corner of his eye he saw Angel kill the dragon and it's lifeless body laid on the pavement separating them from the other demons.

Spike climbed over the dragons still form to take down the other demons.

Gunn had fallen, already weak and dying before they met up in the alley. He managed to take out several demons before he met his end.

Angel was fighting just as hard as he sliced a demon in half. Angel turned and practically flew into the crowd as his sword swung wildly, taking several down with one strike.

Ilyria held her own, taking down demons quickly without the use of a weapon. The death of Wesley had made her feel something she never had before. Remorse and anger coursed through her as she kept seeing his lifeless form, laying in front of her. The punches she threw were strong enough to smash a demons head to pieces.

Angel, Spike and Ilyria stopped fighting when they heard screams and swords clanging. They looked to see a group of young girls coming into the alley at the other end, boxing in the demons.

"Slayers." Spike said as he jumped down and sliced a demon in half, caught by surprise.

They fought hard and relentlessly as they slowly took down the demons and their numbers dwindled.

Spike looked up to see Buffy slowly walking through the middle of the crowd taking one down with each step.

Right behind her was Faith and Willow he could see in the distance by the entrance of the alley, facing the street. He could make out her talking. But was to busy to concentrate on what she was saying. Until he saw a red glow around the corner leading to the street. Then he knew she was spell casting.

The fight lasted hours, as they all became exhausted, but remained strong on sheer will power alone.

When the last demon fell, they all stood there staring at one another, before looking around at all the bodies on the ground, not knowing what to say to one another.

"Buffy. Not that I'm not glad you're here. But how did you know? I thought you didn't trust me anymore." Angel said finally taking a step towards her.

"Didn't know whether to trust you or not." Buffy said looking at Angel. Then turning and looking at Spike for the first time. "I had to come. Had to see for myself." Buffy replied.

Spike just looked down at his feet before glancing back up.

"The boy, he told you didn't he." Spike said.

"No. I had a dream. Saw this happening. Saw you. Andrew told me after I spoke to Giles about the dream." Buffy said moving closer.

Spike just stood there silently as he watched her come near. He played thi> "So you've been back all this time. You should have let someone know." Willow said as she looked to Spike.

"Why? You didn't want me around then Red, you all made that perfectly clear. Why would I think it would be any different? I'm still me, the same as I was then." Spike replied.

"It's different." Willow said quietly.

"It's no different." Spike replied. "It was nice to see you all again. Nice big reunion and all, but I think I'm gonna turn in." Spike said nodding to Buffy as he stood up.

Buffy watched Spike intently as he walked up the stairs and disappear from her sight.

"So B.........looks like your boys back." Faith said as she turned from the stairs and faced Buffy.

"He's not a boy.......and he's not mine." Buffy said as she climbed the stairs.

"He's always been your's." Faith said quietly as she watched Buffy disappear.

"So." Faith said turning to face Angel with a smirk on her face. "Still helping the hopeless."

"Yeah, guess I am." Angel replied with a small smile.

"Not a bad gig. Always plenty of work." Faith said as she took a drag from her cigarette.

"I tried to get ahold of you sooner. Called looking for help. Was immediately put off by Giles." Angel said looking at Faith and Willow.

"Yeah we know. We told him to say no." Faith said.

"Look at it from our viewpoint. You own or work for Wolfram and Hart Angel. The stories we've been getting, you've been doing more harm than good. What would you have thought?" Willow said

"I would have found out from you first before reaching any kind of conclusion." Angel stated.

"No you wouldn't have." Willow said as she stood up. "Night." Willow turned and headed up the stairs.

"You really thought I was evil and you couldn't trust me."Angel said gritting his teeth.

"Wouldn't be the first time right." Faith said as she stood up and climbed the stairs too.

Angel sat there alone replaying the scenes and the words in his head as he looked at the still form of Gunn laying just out of reach.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Willow climbed into bed beside Buffy.

"Are you sure this is where you want to be? There's no one else you want to talk to?" Willow said.

"Yeah, this is where I want to be." Buffy said quietly as she rolled on to her side and looked out the window.

"Buffy. You know you want to talk to him." Willow said.

"I'm fine Will. Just really tired." Buffy said as she continued to start out the window.

Willow shook her head as she crawled under the covers and laid down.

Buffy laid awake listening the the even breathing of Willow, letting her know she had fallen asleep.

Buffy quietly got out of bed and went and stood by the window and looked out as the sun started to peek above the rooftops of the city. Buffy grabbed her sweater and put it on and slowly walked over to the door and opened it carefully, stopping when it creaked for a second, looking at Willow before opening it the rest of the way and slipping through, closing it behind her.

"Can't sleep luv." Spike said from the other side of the hallway.

Buffy spun around quickly, his voice startling her. Buffy calmed down and started slowly walking to the stairs, Spike walking a little behind.

"Yeah, doesn't seem to want to come." Buffy replied quietly as she descended the stairs.

"More of a night person myself." Spike replied.

"Where were you headed when I came out of the room?" Buffy asked.

"Too see you." Spike replied. "About an hour ago I came down, just couldn't bring myself to knock on the door."

"You've been standing in the hallway for an hour." Buffy replied.

Spike nodded but never replied.

"So it takes yet another apocalypse....or ending one for us to see each other." Buffy said more to herself than tos scenario over and over about what he would do or say when he saw her again, if he saw her again. But when it actually happened, all those words he had carefully picked were gone. There was nothing he could say any better than the silence that was passing between them.

Buffy moved to stand in front of him as she looked deeply into his eyes as tears formed in the corner.

She stood up on her toes and wrapped her arms around him as she buried her face in the crook of his neck.

"Thank you." Buffy whispered.

Spike brought his arms around her waist and returned the embrace.

Buffy looked at him for a moment longer after she broke the embrace and stepped back.

"Where's Wesley?" Buffy asked as she looked around.

"Dead." Ilyria said as she stepped forward.

Buffy looked at Ilyria, then to Angel and Spike.

"He didn't make it." Angel said quietly he went over and picked up Gunns body.

"Where to?" Spike asked looking at Angel.

"The Hyperion." Angel said quietly.

Angel and Ilyria walked ahead followed by Spike and Buffy. Faith and Willow brought up the rear.

Once inside the Hyperion Angel laid Gunns body down on the sofa, then slumped into the chair wearily.

All the slayers sat around in any spot they could find.

"There's alot of rooms, pick one and rest." Angel said as he rubbed his eyes.

Buffy nodded to the slayers to go ahead, they slowly got up and headed up the stairs and went into some rooms and fell asleep quickly.

Buffy, Faith and Willow sat down as they looked at Angel, Spike and Ilyria.

"So who are you again?" Faith said as she lit a cigarette and looked at Ilyria.

"I am Ilyria. I am a god. The power I held at my finger tips could have........

"Just call her Ilyria." Spike said rolling his eyes.

Ilyria turned and looked at Spike but said no more.

Faith and Buffy's brows scrunched but chose to remain quiet and stay off the topic for the time being.

"So........Spike. Been here long?" Willow asked what Buffy wanted to know.

"Yeah. Last time we saw you, you were burning in hell. Literally." Faith said.

Buffy watched Spike intently waiting for his answer.

Spike chuckled slightly as he looked down shaking his head.

"Been here too long." Spike replied.

"How long is too long?" Buffy asked.

Spike just looked at Buffy but didn't reply.

"Spike. How long?" Buffy asked again.

"Why does it matter?" Spike asked quietly.

"It just does. How long?" Buffy asked more quietly this time.

"A few weeks after Sunnyhell."Spike replied quietly.

"It was the amulet. The amulet was sent back to me, somehow it held Spike inside it." Angel said.

"Like a genie in a bottle kinda thing." Faith said.

"Something like that yeah." Spike replied.

"So you've been here all this time. How come you never tried to contact me?" Buffy asked.

"Wanted to so many times. Later I thought it was best if you never knew, let you get on with life and all that rot. But we did go and see you last week." Spike said pointing to Angel and himself.

"You did?" Buffy asked.

"Yeah, saw the boy, saw you..........with the Immortal." Spike and Angel rolled their eyes at the mention of his name.

"So you saw me with him. Why didn't you come over to me?" Buffy asked.

"Tried. But we were on a mission as well and couldn't get near you." Angel replied. "Are you and the Immortal really..........." Angel couldn't bring himself to finish the sentence.

"Not for lack of trying on his part, but no." Buffy replied quietly.

Spike just nodded slightly as he looked down, breathing a sigh of relief quietly.

"Andrew never said we were there?" Angel asked.

Buffy just shook her head as she looked at Angel.


"Just the beginning of it Buffy. We slowed it down, just a kink in the chain. It's still coming. Has been all along. The ones we thought we averted all those times..." Spike paused shaking his head. "Just to throw us off. It's here.....out there....in the streets....in their houses. It's all around us and getting stronger. It's going to take alot more than us and your slayers to end this." Spike said quietly as they came to the bottom of the stairs.

"What do you mean?" Buffy asked.

"It's inside everyone. Darkness, evil. Everyone has the capability of being as good or as bad as they want to. In order for this to be won, it's gonna take the whole world to fight back." Spike replied.

Buffy just looked around the street as they went through the door to the outside.

"It's a war we can't win. I'll die trying, but we've lost before we even got started." Spike said as he started walking.

Buffy didn't reply she just listened as she walked beside slowly. They stooped into an all night diner, Buffy sipping on her Diet Coke and Spike munching on a plate of spicy wings.

"I hated it." Buffy said quietly.

"What did you hate Buffy?" Spike asked as he wiped his fingers on his napkin.

"I hated you not being there. I wasn't ready." Buffy replied quietly as she raised her eyes to look at him.

Spiked looked into her eyes before turning away.

"I missed you." Buffy said just above a whisper.

"Missed you too, everyday." Spike replied.

"You didn't believe me.....when I told you I loved you." Buffy said.

"No. I know you didn't. My eyes were clear Buffy. Wanted to die being true to myself........I did that. I died like a man." Spike replied. "Of course most men stay dead." Spike added as his brows furrowed slightly.

"I wasn't just saying it. I did love you. Maybe I wasn't in love with you then, but you were in my heart. You were the only one who I could trust and stand by me, no matter what was happening around us. You loved me unconditionally. I may not have been in love with you, but the foundation was there. After the fight with the first I thought......" Buffy replied, not finishing her sentence, shaking her head slowly.

"Thought what?" Spike asked.

"It doesn't matter anymore. We should head back." Buffy said as she stood up.

"Anything thought you have matters Buffy." Spike replied. "Thought what?"

"I just thought we'd have time afterwards. It never crossed my mind that you wouldn't make it. Always thought you'd be there." Buffy replied.

"Time for what?" Spike asked wanting to hear her say it.

Buffy stopped her movements and looked into his eyes and spoke clearly.

"Spend time together. Get to know each other the right way. Fall in love with you." Buffy said.

Spike just looked at her as a small smile graced his lips.

"Would you have let yourself do that. Fall in love with me. Against you watcher and your mates wishes." Spike said as he stood up.

"Your opinion mattered more, you were there and stood by me when they didn't. Part of me quit looking for their approval on anything. I still asked, but when it concerned you, I didn't if you remember." Buffy replied.

"I remember." Spike said as he moved closer and brought his hand up and caressed Buffy's cheek.

"Can you still do it? Let yourself love me." Spike asked whispering.

Buffy closed her eyes at the feel of his touch. "That's really why you came here isn't it."

Spike dipped his head and placed a gentle kiss to her lips.

Buffy opened her eyes slowly when Spike pulled away.

Buffy just gave him a small smile as she grabbed his hand entwining their fingers.

"Sun's coming." Buffy replied quietly.

Spike looked out the window and nodded. They left the diner and quickly made their way back to the Hyperion.

"Get some rest." Spike whispered as they stood outside the door to Buffy and Willow's room.

"Where are you going?" Buffy asked when Spike started to walk away.

"To my room." Spike replied as he walked to the elevator.

"Can I...........stay with you?" Buffy asked quietly.

Spike just held out his hand as Buffy walked over and grasped it in hers.

When they arrived to Spike's room, he took off his jacket and she took off her sweater.

They climbed onto the bed, Buffy curled into Spike's side as he put his arm around her.

They closed their eyes and fell into a deep and comfortable sleep.

Buffy woke up when she felt Spike moving violently on the bed beside her.

Buffy grabbed him and tried to hold him down as his body convulsed.

"Spike.........Spike. Oh god, what the hell is happening?" Buffy said as she began to panic slightly.

After a few minutes his body stilled and continued to sleep.

Buffy stayed awake as she watched him sleep. Never leaving his side.

Spike woke slowly and looked over to see Buffy watching him from the chair beside the bed.

Spike looked down at his chest questioningly, placing his hand there.

He looked up to Buffy confused.

"What the bloody hell happened while I was sleeping?" Spike asked loudly.

"That's what I'd like to know." Buffy replied as she watched the hand on his chest rise and fall with every breath he took.





Chapter 2


Spike got off the bed quickly and started pacing in front of Buffy. Spike raked his fingers through his hair in agitation, coming to the bedside table and grabbing his cigarettes off the table.

He pulled a cigarette out and lit it up, taking a long hall from it. He reacted right away with a violent coughing fit, practically doubling over as Buffy ran to get him a glass of water.

Spike grabbed the water and emptied the glass quickly.

Still coughing sporadically, Spike looked at the smoke in his hand.

"Christ, it burns." Spike said rubbing his throat slightly. "This is what they taste like." Spike said more to himself than to Buffy as he stubbed it out in the ashtray.

"What the hell happened Buffy?" Spike asked as he sat down on the edge of the bed.

"I don't know." Buffy replied watching him intently.

"What do you mean you don't know. You were here. When I woke up you were sitting there.....watching me." Spike said as he stood back up and started pacing again. "Did you do this to me?" Spike asked turning to face her.

"Why would you think I had anything to do with this?" Buffy said getting defencive.

"Don't know. Maybe cause I was fine until you came here. I go to sleep, you beside me, then wake up like this." Spike said raising his voice slightly.

"What has sleeping beside me have to do with it?" Buffy asked.

"The last time I slept beside you I ended up burning in hell remember. Now I become a bloody human." Spike said.

"Apparently you didn't burn long enough." Buffy said not even trying to hide the hurt in her voice as she headed for the door.

"Luv, wait." Spike said as he grabbed her arm and turned her to face him. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean it. I just............I don't understand what happened to me." Spike said. "Please don't leave."

"Spike, I want to know what happened just as much as you do." Buffy said as she turned to face Spike. "I would never do anything like this to you, you should know that." Buffy replied.

"I know Buffy. I'm sorry." Spike apologized again. "What about Red?" Spike asked as he sat down.

"No, Will wouldn't have done this either." Buffy replied.

"It could have been just about anybody I suppose. We're pretty high on the hit list at the moment." Spike replied.

"This doesn't make sense though. All they have to do is keep sending demons after you, eventually one of them would have done the job." Buffy said.

"Thanks for that luv." Spike said as his brows crinkled.

"I'm just saying, turning you human, doesn't sound like anything they would have done to you. They didn't expect you to survive last night, doing this really wouldn't solve anything." Buffy said.

"If you and the girls hadn't have showed............ we wouldn't have survived Buffy." Spike said quietly.

"Now that you're human, are you going to stop fighting?" Buffy asked as she looked at Spike.

"Won't have the strength I did before, but I have no intentions of quitting." Spike replied.

"See, you'll still be fighting them. Turning you human made no difference." Buffy replied.

"Tell that to Wesley and Gunn. Being human does make a difference. Very remote chance of surviving a battle." Spike said.

"That's not true. Willow, Xander and Giles might have something to say about that." Buffy said.

"You protected them Buffy." Spike replied.

"Not always, sometimes they had to rely on themselves. Wesley and Gunn did this knowing they might not come out of it alive. We all do. You did while you were a demon. Everything can die Spike." Buffy replied. "You know that as well as I do."

Spike just nodded as he lowered himself to the bed again.

"I want to be the way I was. I can't accomplish anything being weak." Spike said looking up to Buffy.

"I don't believe that. The Spike I know could do anything he wanted to. He never let anything stop him. Not even me." Buffy said smiling.

Spike chuckled. "It may not have looked it, but I always gave in to you." Spike replied honestly.

"Not always." Buffy said grinning.

"Well not always. But when I did, it was for you. No one else. It was always you." Spike said before turning to look down at his feet.

Spike got up quickly and started to walk to the door.

"Where are you going?" Buffy asked.

"See Peaches and Red. Maybe they might know what happened." Spike said changing the subject.

Buffy followed Spike out of the room and down to the elevator, then to the lobby, where Faith, Willow and Angel sat together talking.

"Where's all the slayers?" Spike asked as they came closer, Spike watching Angel intently.

"In the courtyard practising." Faith said.

Angel watched as Spike walked closer. His eyes widened as Spike came to a stop and stood in front of him.

"So how did you sleep? Me.......I slept like the dead. Funny thing though, I didn't wake up that way." Spike said waiting for Angel to reply. "Wouldn't happen to know anything about this would you Peaches?" Spike asked standing there stiffly.

Willow and Faith exchanged glances before turning back to watch what was happening.

"What about you Red? Any ideas?" Spike asked still watching Angel.

"Maybe.......if you tell me what I'm supposed have ideas about." Willow said curiously.

"I'm waiting Angel." Spike said.

"What the hell is going on B?" Faith asked turning to Buffy.

Angel just gritted his teeth and looked away.

"Shanshu." Angel said quietly.

"What was that? You'll have to speak up, my hearing isn't what it was last night." Spike replied hotly even though he heard Angel just fine.

"Spike what's this about?" Willow asked.

"I said it's the Shanshu." Angel said a little more loudly.

"Take it back. I don't want it." Spike said as his nostrils flared.

"That's why you fought me for it." Angel replied as he turned to face Spike.

"It was more to piss you off, I did want it then, but more just to get to you. Take it back." Spike demanded.

"What the hell does sams shoes got to do with anything?" Faith asked confused.

"Not sams shoes. Shanshu." Spike said slowly and irritably.

"Fine, what's shanshu then?" Faith asked.

"The prophecy came true." Willow said as she stood up and walked over and started inspecting Spike.

"Watch your fingers Red. I may not have fangs anymore, but I can still bite." Spike said pushing Willows hands away.

"But I thought this was supposed to go to Angel?" Willow said stepping back from Spike.

"Why didn't it?" Buffy asked looking from Spike to Angel.

Spike looked away as he gritted his teeth when he saw Buffy turn from him to Angel.

"I signed it away. It was part of my initiation into the Black Thorn. It's the only way they would believe that I was one of them." Angel said quietly.

"But you've been waiting for this for along time. How could you just give it up. There had to have been another way." Buffy said.

"I looked. There wasn't. It needed to be done. It was the only way to destroy them." Angel replied.

"Was it worth giving up at a chance to be human?" Faith asked.

"Seeing them all dead. Yes it was." Angel replied.

"You had no right Angel. You had to have known if you gave it up it might fall to me. You shouldn't have made that choice for me." Spike said angrily.

"There was no time to talk to you about it. You saw what was happening then Spike. How I had to make you all believe that I was evil again just to get into their circle. They gave me no time to think about it. They placed it in front of me and told me to sign. I didn't have a choice." Angel replied.

"There's got to be a reversal or something." Spike said as he started to pace. "Red, do your mojo."

"What?" Willow said as she turned to face Spike.

"Your mojo, sprinkle you fairy dust or what have you, I want to be like I was." Spike replied.

"Spike this is a prophecy, I don't think there is a reversal spell or anything. If it was meant to be, it will be." Willow said.

"It wasn't meant for me. It was supposed to be Angel who got the human gig, live happily ever after and all that rot." Spike said glancing quickly at Buffy and Angel before returning his gaze to Willow. "It's not me." Spike added quietly.

"How do you know that for sure?" Faith spoke up.

"What do you mean?" Angel asked looking at Faith.

Spike looked at her with a puzzled _expression.

"How do you know this was meant for Angel?" Faith asked.

"Cause it said a vampire with a soul. How many vampire's with a soul do you know?" Spike said.

"At least two." Willow said as she looked at Spike, her brows furrowing.

"Maybe it wasn't meant for Angel. Maybe it was meant for Spike all along. All these years, building up to this point." Buffy said.

"Maybe it was your's from the beginning." Faith said.

"But Angel's had his soul longer than I have. Why me?" Spike asked.

"The prophecy never said any name specifically. Never said it was who had their soul the longest." Angel said quietly as he looked down at the floor.

"I still don't believe it. I got it cause he passed. End of story." Spike said as he started walking from the lobby. "I'll find a reversal spell myself." Spike added as he went to the elevator, then up to his room.

"You really think it was meant for him and not me?" Angel said as he looked at all the girls standing around him.

Buffy shrugged her shoulders as she looked at Angel. "It's possible. Maybe everything that happened, was meant to happen." Buffy said as she turned and started walking to the elevators.

"Where are you going?" Angel asked, already knowing the answer.

"He's scared and confused right now. He needs someone Angel." Buffy said as she stepped into the elevator.

"Someone.................or you." Angel said.

"It's not like that. If it was, it would be none of your business." Buffy replied as the doors closed.

"It must be hard for you?" Faith said to Angel.

"What Buffy and Spike?" Angel replied.

"Well that..............but I was thinking more along the lines of........something you were made to believe was for you for so long, wasn't really your's to begin with." Faith said. "But I guess that can go for both." Faith said as she started walking to the door.

"What do you mean Faith?" Angel asked irritated.

"Not only the prophecy, but maybe Buffy was meant for him as well. Just an observation though." Faith said as she walked outside and away from the hotel.

"I should go with her. No one should be alone out there right now." Willow said following after Faith.

"Willow." Angel said as he turned to look at her as she approached the door.

"Yeah?" Willow said stopping and turning.

"Do you think that too?" Angel asked.

"I don't know. Maybe it's possible." Willow said, then turned and went outside.

Angel stood there by himself wondering what was real. If it had ever been real.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Shouldn't you be down there with Peaches, consoling him or something." Spike said as Buffy came into his room.

"No. I'm right where I want to be. Where I need to be." Buffy replied as she sat down beside Spike.

"I saw it Buffy." Spike said quietly.

Buffy's brows furrowed as she looked at Spike. "Saw what?"

"The way you looked...........at him. The look in your eyes, thinking it should be him. Not me." Spike replied softly.

"That's not what I think." Buffy said quietly. "I was just surprised that he gave it up. That's what he's been waiting for for so long. Maybe he was waiting in vain. Maybe it was yours from the beginning, just waiting for you to come and claim it." Buffy replied. "I'm not sorry it was you. I'm just sorry Angel didn't get what he wanted."

"If he had. You know gotten this, what ever it is." Spike started to say.

"Gift." Buffy interjected.

"Alright. If Angel had gotten this gift, would you feel differently?" Spike asked.

"What do you mean?" Buffy asked crinkling her brow.

"Would you still be here.........with me. To see if there's a chance for a future or not?" Spike asked quietly.

"It wouldn't change anything. I would be happy for Angel, but I would still be here with you. I told you last night I wanted too see.......you were still a vampire then. Now your not. I still feel the same way." Buffy said trying to put his worries to rest.

Spike nodded slightly as he stared at the curtained window. Buffy followed his gaze and smiled, grabbing his hand in hers gently.

"There's something I want to do. Can you come with me?" Buffy asked as she stood up.

Spike just nodded as he stood and slowly followed behind her.

Buffy led Spike to the elevator and pushed the button to go to the top floor.

Once there they made their way to the stairs to the roof.

"Why are we going here?" Spike asked.

"For the first time in a lifetime your able to be outside in the daylight. I want to see you basking in the sun for the first time." Buffy said as her hand rested on the door to the roof.

Spike stood there for a minute before finally comprehending the fact he could go out during the day. He smiled as Buffy pushed the door open.

He jerked back quickly when the light burst through the open door, shielding his sensitive eyes.

Buffy gently pulled him out onto the roof.

"Squint your eyes so it's not so bright." Buffy said as she turned him so he was facing away from the bright sun.

Spike closed his eyes as he lifted his head, revelling in the feel of his skin being warmed by the sun.

"How does it feel to be human now?" Buffy asked quietly.

Spike opened his eyes and looked at her. Seeing her stand before him as the sun kissed every part of her body made him smile.

"You're so beautiful." Spike said softly as he brought his hand up to lightly caress her cheek.

Buffy closed her eyes at the feel of his touch.

Spike pulled his hand back and shoved them in his pockets as he looked at the ground for a moment.

"Still weak as a kitten." Spike said quietly.

"You'll never be weak Spike." Buffy replied as she turned her back to him and looked over the city before them. "You've been protecting them, all of them." Buffy said indicating the people on the street. "You said you still would, super strength or not. That's why you'll never be weak. That's what makes you one of the strongest people I know."

Spike stared at Buffy for a moment in disbelief before lowering his head.

"Don't know if I can do this Buffy." Spike stated quietly as he closed his eyes.

"I know you can. I believe in you Spike." Buffy replied just as quietly.

"I don't mean that. I know I can fight, possibly survive. What I"m not sure on is if I can be with you." Spike said softly as he looked up to face Buffy.

"You don't want to be with me?" Buffy asked just above a whisper, slightly taken aback with the turn in conversation.

"Not don't. I'll always want you Buffy. But I don't know if I can. I don't know If I should allow it to happen. Not with me like this." Spike replied.

"What, because you're human. Why should that make a difference?" Buffy replied a little angry.

"It made a difference with whitebread didn't it." Spike replied.

"It was different with Riley. It had nothing to do with the fact that he was human Spike." Buffy said hotly.

"See it however you want slayer, I know differently." Spike said as he started to leave the roof.

"Where in the hell do you get off judging me like that. Things weren't right with Riley because we weren't right for each other. It had nothing to do with him being human." Buffy said as she grabbed Spike and tried to stop him from leaving.

Spike tried to break free from her grasp and Buffy went flying into the wall that held the door to the roof, loosening some of the bricks.

Spike stood there stunned for a moment before running over and pulling her to her feet.

"You okay?" Spike as still in shock.

"Uh....I'm fine. I guess you're not totally human." Buffy said looking at him.

"Guess not." Spike replied.

"What the hell are you?" Buffy asked.

"Whens Giles getting here?" Spike asked.

"Should be here in a few hours." Buffy replied.

"Maybe he can help me figure that out." Spike said as raked his fingers through his hair.

"Maybe we could talk to Angel?" Buffy suggested.

"Look, Angel wasn't exactly the brains of the operation when it came to things like this. That was Wesley's job. He wouldn't know anything, and I'd really rather not go to him with this." Spike replied.

"But you don't like Giles either." Buffy replied.

"I don't hate Giles Buffy. He thought he was doing what was right for you, protecting you. Being in his shoes I may have done the same." Spike replied.

"Alright. We'll talk to Giles." Buffy replied as she grabbed his hand, holding it protectively.






Chapter 3


"How about we get out of here until Giles get's here." Buffy said as they started going down the stairs, closing the door to the roof behind them.

"And go where?" Spike said distractedly.

"Doesn't matter. Anywhere." Buffy replied.

Spike just nodded absently and followed Buffy down the stairs and into the hall into the elevator.

When they got to the lobby Buffy and Spike saw Angel sitting ther by himself.

"Where's Will and Faith?" Buffy asked as they stopped to stand by Angel.

"Faith left, Willow followed." Angel said shrugging his shoulders.

"We're going out for awhile. If Giles get's back before we do, tell him I need to talk to him." Buffy said as she headed for the door.

Angel just nodded resigned as he watched Spike follow Buffy out the door.

Buffy turned left after leaving the Hyperion as they slowly wandered down the street.

"So........you've been here all this time." Buffy said quietly.

"Yeah." Spike replied just as quietly.

"And you were planning on telling me...when?" Buffy asked.

"Lot's of times..........and none. Thought maybe...you were better off not knowing. Didn't need me in the mix Buffy, mucking things up." Spike replied.

"You wouldn't have mucked things up." Buffy said.

"Maybe, maybe not." Spike said as he continued to look ahead of him. "I think I needed this time as much as you did. Needed to figure some things out."

"Like what?" Buffy asked.

"Whether or not I could help people because I wanted to, not because it was what you wanted. I needed to know I could do things on my own because I thought it was the right thing to do. Not because you were telling me. I needed to know if I could do this without you...... without needing you." Spike replied.

"You didn't want me there?" Buffy asked.

"It had nothing to do with want Buffy. I'll always want you. But I had to find out for myself if I needed you to be there. Wanting and needing are two different things." Spike replied.

"I assume you got your answers." Buffy said as she looked at him.

"I did." Spike replied. "I know I can have a life without you in it."

"Oh." Buffy said quietly as she loked down.

"But that's not what I want." Spike said as he stopped walking and turned to face Buffy.

Spike brought his hand up to Buffy's chin and raised her head so their eyes met.

"I'll tell you this one time. I won't say it again until you make your decision about us." Spike said as he looked into her eyes.

"I've never loved anyone as much as I love you. You are everything to me Buffy. The moments in my life that I will always remember as the best moments of my life, are the ones with you in it. It's always you Buffy." Spike said quietly as he dipped his head and placed a soft gentle kiss to her lips.

When Spike pulled back, he smiled softly as he wiped a tear that was streaming down Buffy's cheek.

"Don't say anything. I'm not looking fo you to say something you're not sure of." Spike said.

Buffy just nodded and kept silent as she looked into his eyes.

"I could go for a coffee." Spike said as he started walking again.

Again Buffy nodded as she followed him down the street into the coffee shop.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"You gave up the shanshu." Giles said quietly as he looked at Angel.

Angel just looked down, staring into his mug of blood.

"Spike was way freaked when he woke up human." Faith said as she sat down beside Willow.

"Yeah, he thought maybe I had something to do with it." Willow said as Giles turned to look at her. "Which I didn't." Willow added quickly.

Giles just smiled and shook his head. "Well I hadn't thought you had." Giles replied.

"Is it possible.... you know, that it was meant for him all along?" Faith asked.

"I guess anything is possible." Giles replied as he looked around the room. "Where are they?"

"They went out. But she wants to talk to you. Probably about this." Angel replied.

Giles looked over too see Buffy and Spike coming in from outside. Giles just watched transfixed as he saw Spike walking in the sunshine.

"Giles, you made it." Buffy said as she came in to the lobby.

"Watcher." Spike said nodding slightly.

Giles didn't reply, just nodded as he watched Spike walk in from outside.

"Where's Xander?" Buffy asked as she looked around.

"He's in the court yard with the girls. He'll be in shortly." Giles replied as he pulled his glasses off and started polishing them as he sat down.

"Giles can we talk to you?" Buffy asked after she gave him a hug.

"Angel already filled me in on the shanshu." Giles said as he turned to look at Spike.

Spike snorted as he rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, but that's not what we need to talk to you about. Well it is, but... it's not.....exactly that. Can we go somewhere a little more private?" Buffy asked but not waiting for a reply as she started walking up the stairs, Spike following behind.

"I guess we'll be upstairs." Giles said as he turned and followed them up to Spikes room.

"We already know about it. What's so private that she couldn't say it in front of us?" Willow said a little put off by the abrupt brush off.

"It's probably something she wants to run by Giles first. She'll tell us about it when she's ready. Not like she always told you everything." Faith commented.

Willow just looked at Faith.

"Nobody tells anybody everything. There's always something held back." Faith replied.

Willow stared at the stairwell for a minute before getting up and joining Xander in the courtyard.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Alright, you have me alone." Giles said as he closed the door to Spike's room behind him then followed Buffy and Spike over to the sofa. "Ive told you they filled me in on what's happening. Now maybe you should fill me in on what they don't know." Giles said watching then intently as he sat down across from them on the sofa.

"Spike." Buffy said turning to face him, indicating he should speak.

Spike just shifted in his seat, not saying anything.

Buffy rolled her eyes and turned to face Giles.

"Same old Spike I see." Giles said quietly.

"Not exactly." Buffy replied.

"Well, apart from the fact that I can see him breathing, he seems very much the same." Giles replied.

"More than you know." Buffy said as she moved closer to Spike.

Giles brows just furrowed slightly as he watched the two in front of him.

"What do you mean, more than I know?" Giles asked as he looked more intently at Spike.

"He's strong Giles." Buffy replied as she sat on the arm of the chair Spike was sitting in.

"Exactly how strong are we talking about?" Giles asked as he began to stand up.

"Well we haven't really tested it yet....but at least as strong as he was before." Buffy replied.

"When he was a vampire?" Giles asked coming closer watching Spike for any kind of reaction.

"Yeah, like that." Spike said as he toyed with a string on the arm of the chair. "I'm human, bloody priceless that is, and I have the strength of a vampire. What the hell happened to me?" Spike asked as he looked up to look at Giles.

"I can't be sure exactly what happened." Giles said. "You said you haven't tested his strength." Giles said.

"Hello, right here.... and no, we haven't." Spike replied. "You mean to tell me with all the reading you do, you've never came across anything that might explain this?" Spike asked in irritation.

"No. With the council having been destroyed, I'm afraid I haven't got much material too try and find anything." Giles said as he ran his fingers through his hair, moving back to sit down. "But I'm guessing you don't want Angel to know about it."

"Not really. Peaches and I........until I know what's happening, I'd rather keep it between us." Spike said more as a request than a demand.

"Very well. What about Willow? She might be able to find something." Giles replied.

"I don't want Red to know. Look, none of you wanted me around then, and I can see your reasoning. I imagine their feelings for me haven't changed much. I'd rather keep it on a need to know basis." Spike replied.

"For what it's worth, you are right, about how we felt about you then. But that's not how we feel now. What you did, you in the hell mouth. It made it possible for us to live. You sacrificed yourself, you could have walked away, but you didn't. For that we are all grateful Spike." Giles said quietly.

Spike just looked down but didn't say anything.

Giles watched with concern and worry as Buffy's hand came over and blanketed Spikes hand, entwining their fingers together. Giles lowered his head but said nothing.

"How do we find out what this is? I'm betting it's not the Shanshu." Spike said quietly.

"It might be that." Buffy said before lowering her eyes when Spike looked at her.

"Sorry luv. If it were, I would be as weak as the Watcher and your boy downstairs." Spike replied with a small smile.

"Weak." Giles scoffed under his breath. "Well whatever it is, it was given to you for a reason. A reason we have yet to determine." Giles said.

"Could have been The Powers that Be." Buffy suggested.

"Or it could have been something dark, evil." Spike said. "Waiting for the right time, then pull my strings."

"Spike I doubt it's that." Buffy replied.

"It could very well be that." Giles commented.

"I know you want to believe it's good Buffy. But the truth is, it might just be the opposite. It happened before Buffy, no telling that it might not happen again." Spike said.

"It didn't work the last time." Buffy replied gripping his hand tighter.

"Yes it did." Spike said quietly. "Remember the basement, holding all the people I sired. It made me kill Buffy. I have to realistic about this. It may come down to you having to kill me. Can you do that?" Spike asked.

"It won't come to that. We'll figure it out." Buffy replied.

"It may very well come to that. You have to be prepared to do what has to be done." Giles said as he looked at Buffy.

"I don't want that to happen again. I don't want to hurt anyone Buffy, least of all you. I couldn't bare it if I'd hurt you." Spike said quietly.

"I always do what has to be done." Buffy replied as she loosened her grip on Spikes hand, letting his hand fall to his lap.

"Right." Spike said quietly as he looked at his hand that Buffy had dropped like it had burned her to touch.

"We should go out and test your strength. See what you've got." Giles said as he stood up.

"Tomorrow. It's been a long day. I think I'd like to have some time to myself." Spike replied getting up and moving across the room away from Buffy.

"Very well. Tomorrow then. Good night Spike." Giles said as he moved towards the door.

Spike just nodded as he move to the bed.

"Spike, can I......" Buffy started to say.

"Good night Buffy." Spike said quietly, with a small smile as he looked over to Buffy.

Buffy just looked at him for a moment, then looked down as she turned and followed Giles out of the room.

"Are you and Spike.......are you two...." Giles started to ask.

"No, we're not." Buffy said quietly.

"I would hate too see you go down that road again." Giles said as they moved down the hallway to the elevator.

"It wasn't like that then either." Buffy replied.

"Not physically no.'' Giles replied.

"He loves me Giles." Buffy said as they stepped into the elevator.

"He thinks he loves you, Buffy his obsessive behaivor was well noted in the past." Giles replied.

"This isn't obsession Giles. He never once tried to reach me, tell me he was alive." Buffy replied as they stepped out onto their floor.

"Do you love him?" Giles asked as they stopped out front of Buffy's door.

"I don't know. Maybe." Buffy said as she opened her door and walked through.

"I would advise against this Buffy. What if we have to kill him? Are you prepared to do it. To kill Spike." Giles asked.

Buffy froze in place for a moment before turning to face Giles.

"If we can't find another way, I'll do what I have to." Buffy said before closing her door.

Giles closed his eyes and stood there for a moment before turning and going to the stairwell and heading down to the lobby.

"So what's up?" Faith asked as Giles came down the last few steps.

"Oh. Spike just wanted to talk in private about the changes he's been going through. Thought maybe I might know what exactly caused it." Giles replied.

"Well, I thought it was the shanshu." Willow said as her brows crinkled.

"Do you think it was something else?" Angel asked.

"What else could it be?" Faith asked.

"Nothing that comes to mind.'' Giles replied.

"I take it he's still freaked." Faith commented.

"It's definately going to take some getting used too." Giles replied.

"He should be happy. He's getting a second chance." Angel said as he looked at the floor.

"Yes well, be that as it may, Spike is not accepting it very well." Giles replied.

"So I hear Spike is back." Xander said as he came into the lobby.

"How are the girls doing?" Giles asked changing the subject.

"Fine. Thought my lungs were going to explode." Xander replied.

"Well, it's been a long day. I could use some sleep." Giles said as he headed back towards the stairs. "Good night all."

"Night." Faith and Willow said in unison.

Xander grabbed a chair and sat beside Willow.

"So Spike huh." Xander said slightly disdainfully.

Faith smiled as she looked at Xander.

"Yeah, in the flesh... living and breathing like all humans do." Faith said waiting for Xanders reaction.

"Wait. I thought you said living and breathing." Xander replied.

"Yeah, funny thing. He woke up this morning completely human." Faith replied.

"Oh god." Xander replied rubbing his temples.

"Thought you might like that." Faith said as she got up from her chair. "Time to do a quick patrol." Faith said as she grabbed her jacket.

"I don't think so. During the day is a little safer right now. I think we should stay low for a little while." Angel said stopping Faith from leaving.

"I think Angels right Faith. We should cut patrol for a while." Willow said.

"All that does is give then time to regain ground." Faith replied.

"Faiths right. You may have put a dent in their plans, but it only slowed them down." Buffy said as she came down the stairs.

"Buffy, it's too dangerous." Angel replied.

"As opposed to what Angel? The last seven years hasn't exactly been a cakewalk." Buffy asked.

"Look Buffy........ you shouldn't..." Angel started to say.

"If you think it's that bad, then you're welcome to join us. But we're going anyway." Buffy said as she moved to the door behind Faith.

"We'll see you in awhile." Buffy said as they exited the hotel.

"Maybe we should go." Angel said after Faith closed the door behind her. "They might need back up."

"I don't think they really want us there." Willow replied. "Buffy looked kinda upset."

Angel sat down for a minute before standing back up.

"I'm heading out." Angel finally said after standing there for a minute.

"Me too." Spike said as he came down the stairs.

"Spike you really shouldn't be going out. It's too dangerous for you now." Willow replied.

"Thanks for the touchy feelies Red, but I think I can handle it. What I can't handle is sitting around here all night." Spike said as he moved towards the door.

"Willow's right, you shouldn't be going out. Especailly not alone." Angel said. "You would be completely vulnerable.

"I get the message loud and clear, but I'm still going." Spike said opening the door.

"It's your funeral." Angel replied.

"Like I never heard that line before." Spike muttered to himself as he walked out letting the door close behind him.

Willow rolled her eyes. "Okay, I'll catch up with Buffy and Faith, you go after Spike." Willow said as she grabbed her jacket.

The words hadn't finished leaving Willow's mouth before Angel had already left the hotel.



It took Angel only a minute to track Spike down.

"What are you doing here?" Spike ground out.

"Saving your ass." Angel replied.

"Don't remember asking." Spike said as he continued walking.

"What are you trying to prove Spike?"Angel asked as he walked beside Spike.

"Who said I was trying to prove anything." Spike replied.

"That's good. You have nothing to prove to anyone." Angel said.

Spike stopped and turned to look at Angel with dumbfounded look on his face.

Angel took a deep breath and shook his head.

"We don't like each other. We probably never will. I'd be the first one to stake your sorry ass if it came right down to it." Angel said.

"Thanks for the pep talk." Spike said as he turned and started walking.

"I may not like you. But I respect you." Angel replied.

Spike stopped but kept his back to Angel.

"You changed. Not because you were made too, but because you wanted too. You didn't stop at getting your soul, you kept changing and growing. It wasn't forced on you like it was me. You chose it. You made it happen. For that, you have my respect." Angel said quietly.

Spike slowly turned to face Angel, but said nothing. He just looked at Angel then down to the ground.

"Thank you." Spike said just above a whisper.

Spike and Angel stood there for a minute before Spike's head snapped around too look behind him.

"What?" Angel said seeing and sensing nothing.

"I don't know. Something's coming." Spike said as he continued to look down the street, then shifted his gaze to the sky, then to the street behind Angel. "Whatever it is, it's fast and doesn't stay on the ground." Spike added.

Angel looked behind him to where Spike's eyes were locked.

"I don't see anything." Angel said, not sensing any demon in the vacinity around them.

"Get Down." Spike shouted to Angel.

Angel looked at Spike like he had lost his mind.

"Get down." Spike shouted again.

Spike jumped nearly ten feet into the air attacking the demon that was barreling down on Angel before it could meet it's unsuspecting target.

Angel watched in surprise at Spike who looked like he was fighting the air. He watched as Spike hung on to what ever he was fighting with one hand, pulling his knife out with his other and embedding it in the demon. Angel watched as the tip of the knife disappeared when it met it's target.

Spike dropped to the ground landing on his feet along with the demon who slammed into the sidwalk. His lifeless form appearing as he lay on the ground.

Angel looked at Spike, narrowing his eyes. "How did you do that? How did you know it was there?" Angel asked with a little trepidation.

"This isn't the shanshu. What the hell have you become?"

Spike looked at Angel a little weary. "I don't know. Something you may have to kill." Spike said quietly before turning on his heel and walking down the street away from Angel.


TBC...


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