Part VII

"The first guy that ever teally liked me was some robot demon. I thought I was really falling-

"Hey. Come on now. the first guy I had the hots for since I moved here was a vamp."

"Yeah, and let’snot forget my crush on the Praying Mantis biology teacher. Typical love life on the Hell Mouth."

"Yeah, let’s face it; our love lives are doomed."

- Willow, Buffy, and Xander

______________________________________________________________________________

Back Down Memory Lane

"Saturday, I kill you."

"Women!"

"Hey! Truce here. Truth is I like this world."

"And I’m all you’ve got."

"Love isn’t brains, children. It’s blood; blood screamin’ inside you to work its will."

"So, what did it take to part the slayer’s dimpled knees?"

"Slayer."

"I love you."

"I still have Buffy taste in my mouth."

"I’m a friend of Xander’s."

"Hey, I’m bad... Oh and if you’re trying to kill her- (thumbs up.)"

"Yeah, back off, Betty."

"Death is on your heels, baby. Sooner or later, it’s going to catch you."

"You know you wanna dance."

"You’ll find her. It’s what you hero types do."

"I, love you. It’s wrong, I know it."

"What the bleeding hell is wrong with you bloddy women?! What the hell does it take?!"

"Just couldn’t bear to see her in that much pain. Let Glory kill me first."

"Right person, person I loved, I’d do it."

"You treated me like a man..."

"147 days yesterday, 148 today."

"Every night I saved you."

"You belong in the dark, with me."

"You can make me feel."

"Don’t worry slayer, I got your back."

"I know what kind of girl you really are."

"You came back wrong."

"I love you. You know it."

"You’re better than this."

"That’s my girl."

"Do you even like me?"

"Do you trust me?"

"I want you. I always want you."

"I love you."

"Let yourself live already."

"You know you feel the way I do."

"I love you."

"I love you..."

Thoughts of her lover clouded her mind as the Slayer slowly began to regain her equilibrium. His chisled cheek bones, his intense azure eyes, his platinum locks... All dissipated in a pile of ash, mingling with the earth.

A horrible sinse of dread suddenly overcame her. She was finally able to move close enough to his leather duster and chain. As she clutched at it, she began to sob. She wasn’t aware of how long she sat there, but all she knew was that her sorrow was replaced with extreme anger and hatred. Picking up the coat and putting on the chain, she walked back home- all the while formulating her slow and tortuous revenge against the vamps.

Somewhere in Argentina...

"Dru, what is wrong?" the sorceress asked her close vampire friend.

"It is my William; my little Spike. He now dances in the wind." Dru said with a faraway look in her eyes. she began to tremble.

"Fairuza, I want him back. I want the birds to sing and the stars to shine again. He belongs with me."

"But I thought it was over between you two? You said he was lost to you." the tall, svelte, brown skinned enchantress replied.

"Only temporary. We were going to have an eternity together. We could of still worked things out. Once that slayer was gone from his mind... I knew we’d be back together. I want that chance again. Miss Edith wants her daddy back. Would you do it, for me?" Dru pouted.

"Well, I'm gonna need some things..."

"And you shall have it, my sweet."

"Do you know where he perished?"

Dru tilted her head for a moment in thought, then became enraged.

"It’s her fault! The slayer has truly killed him! I told him to leave that terrible place...Oooh."

Becoming bored with her insane friend’s babbling, Fairuza interupted.

"Where, Dru?" she asked in a kind tone.

"Where it all started; Sunnydale..."

********************

"Buffy, well, it’s about time you came back. Where have you been? These girls have been driving me up-" Giles stopped his tirade as Buffy completely ignored him. He watched as she gently placed Spike’s coat on the banister and proceeded to her weapons chest, grabbed an axe and weighed it in her hand. The look in her eyes was completely deadly.

"Buffy, what happened tonight?" Giles asked with sincere concern and worry. Buffy stopped examining the axe, furrowed her brow as if in serious contemplation to the question. She turned and looked at him with misty eyes.

"They killed him. They beat him and killed him and I-" she stopped. The words were too hard to say. She covered her mouth with her free hand as uncontrollable sobs wrecked through her body. Giles walked over to her from the doorway and held her as she continued weeping. His fatherly instincts for his surrogate daughter took off on auto pilot. He knew exactly how she felt. he remembered Jenny; what it had been like to see her lifeless body ... he realized Buffy had no body to bury; no final goodbyes.

"They drugged me, Giles. I couldn’t move. I-I couldn’t stop them." As if answering his unasked question, she continued, " They threatened to kill me if he tried to escape. I couldn’t help him-" Her voice broke. Once she regained her composure, she released from his embrace and stood erect.

"They have to pay. They’re going to pay." Giles gave her a woried look.

"It’s okay. I’m not a witch, and they were all vampires."

"But Buffy, you can’t go alone. You might get yourself hurt, or worse. Remember when I went after Angelus? Anger can only get you so far, and then it’ll get you killed. Xander and I should accompany you. Plus, you don’t know who or-or where they-"

"Got that covered. Anya can help executing my vengence by helping me find them." Giles gave a defeated sigh.

"Well, fine. But we’re coming with you."

"Fine. Tomorrow we’ll go.. But I need to be alone tonight. Will you stay?"

"You needn’t ask. Of ocurse I will. I’ll call Xander tomorrow." she nodded in reply and trudged up the stairs.

******************

She couldn’t sleep. She wasn’t even sure why she even bothered. Whether her eyes or closed or not, she’d see him in her minds eye, disentergrating. In spite of their many bad times, they were just as many good; more so recently. She hadn’t been that happy in a long while.

She didn’t understand why the Powers that Be were so cruel. She’d done her job; served it well after time. Given her life twice. Yet it seemed as if she were being punished for something. First Angel, her mom, now this. Not only was he taken away from her, she was forced to watch it all. She suspected that this time, the pain would never go away.

Next morning- Magic Box

"Buffy, I’ve been expecting you. I’m sorry. I didn’t want him to die." she said solemy, coming from around the counter and embracing her.

"So, you seeking vengeance?" her demon senses picking up on her pain and hatred.

"Yes. I want to know who and where- now. And I want it to be slow and painful."

"Buffy I can’t. At least, not without the magic word."

"Fine. I wish to find the vamps that killed Spike and kill them." she said with malice. Anya’s face changed to its demon form.

"Done."

Part VIII

______________________________________________________________________________

"That’s the thing about magic; there’s always consequence. Always!

~Spike~

_____________________________________________________________________________

Fairuza attempted to do a similar spell that the Wolfram and Hart people used to resurrect Darla, but the circumstances were different. Spike died with a soul, and pulling his essence back was more difficult. The demon and the soul were eternally attached. Fairuza expected some difficulty, but never this....

"I don't understand. What's wrong with my poor boy? I can still see him in there, but he's hiding behind William. Why won't Spike come out and play with mummy?" Dru groussed.

"My only guess is that the soul effected the out come of the spell. He should have come back pure human, but the demon is there as well. How peculiar." Fairuza replied nonchalantly.

"So, you're saying I can't turn him? But he's still alive! It shouldn't be this way. Ooh." she whined.

"Well, at least you have him back. He has most of his vampiric strength, so you two could still have fun..." she replied as she examined her nails.

"Suppose you're right, time to play wtih the new dollie."

"Yeah, you do that." Fairuza was thinking on leaving Sunnyhell real soon. She was better than this. Dru was okay, somethimes. But she was small potatoes. She needed friends with real power.

______________________________________________________________________________

Something takes a part of me.

Something lost and never seen.

Everytime I start to believe,

Something's raped and taken from me... from me.

Life's got to always be messing with me. (You wanna feel alive)

Can't they chill and let me be free? (So do I)

Can't I take away all this pain. (You wanna feel alive)

I try to every night, all in vain... in vain.

Sometimes I cannot take this place.

Sometimes it's my life I can't taste.

Sometimes I cannot feel my face.

You'll never see me fall from grace

Something takes a part of me.

You and I were meant to be.

A cheap fuck for me to lay

Something takes a part of me.

Feeling like a freak on a leash. (You wanna feel alive)

Feeling like I have no release. (So do I)

How many times have I felt diseased? (You wanna feel alive)

Nothing in my life is free... is free

~Korn~

Other Side of Sunnyhell...

No, friends, no weapons... She was alone. Walking in the bark in the harsh light of day for what seemed like hours. Then she felt a prescence. A familiar one yet somehow different...

"Well, it’s bloody hot, innit?" she spun around and saw Spike squinting at her in the sunlight.

"Guess it takes a bit for the old irises to adjust, huh love? Especially after being in the dark for over twelve decades. Well, ‘cept for that one time..."

"Spike? How, how is this possible? Are you really here?" she said as she lightly touched his face with tears in her eyes.

" I’ll always be here with you, pet. You think something as inconsequential as death was gonna stop me? Didn’t the first time." He said with his trademark smirk.

"Oh Buffy, my effulgent Slayer." he said with mirth while gently cupping her face. He leaned forward and kissed her forhead.

"I will always be with you; you just gotta trust that instinct of yours. You gotta feel it before you see it." She regarded him with great confusion.

"What do you ----"

"Feel it, know it, see me."

"Huh?" he then placed his hand on her chest.

"Feel me. See me." he gave her a wink and began to walk away.

"Spike, wait. Come Back! Spike!"

"Buffy, Buffy what’s wrong? Buffy!?" Dawn said as she shook her sister awake.

"What’s- Dawn. I... what’s going on?" her voice wavered and her eyes stung of tears.

"You were dreaming. Are you okay?" she asked as she tentavily sat on the edge of the bed.

"I’m fine. Just uh, a little stressed out." she said with a nervous lagh.

"Buffy, what happened? I"m worried about you. It might make ya feel better if you talked about it." she said in hopeful voice. Buffy gave her an exasperated sigh.

"I’m fine, really. Fine as fine can be."

"What? Frustrated, insecure, neurotic and emotional?" she gave Buffy a small smile which she returned.

"Very intuitive. Uh, I had another dream about Spike. But it was different... He told me to feel him and to see him."

"Eww! Was this some kinda sex dream that I should not be hearing?"

"No. He was standing in the sunlight. Ya know, when he said it."

"Oh, but I still don’t get it."

"Me neither." But she could only hope as to what she thought it meant was true.

************************

"Oh daddy. Why don’t follow instruction? I shall have to be cross with you. Does my William need a caning?" Drusilla questioned a shackled Spike.

"Dru, luv. Let me go, please. I can’t take much more of this."

"No, no, no! You still haven’t learned the lesson. You’re still all covered in her. YOu’re still-"

"And it’s not going to change, pet. I’m sorry. Why don’t you go find Peaches? He’s your real daddy anyway. If you won’t let me go, then please just kill me now." his already weary voice grew quieter at that last statement. She walked closer to him his touched his cheek. As much as he wanted to turn away, he couldn’t from fatigue, and the fact that he knew what would happen if he did.

"But there’s still hope, my sweet. You can still be my dark prince. If only I could give birth to you again. But the queen says it’s not possible. The darkness is already inside of you, but it’s become brightened by the flame. Don’t you see it’s burning you?" she touched his exposed chest then quickly yanked it back.

"Dru, I’m not exactly sure what I am now, but I’m guessing that with the newfound heartbeat that I’m partly human. So if you want me to live, you know, so I can learn the lesson, you’ll have to get me food. Real food."

The rush of warm blood, the pounding in his chest, the goosebumps on his arms in response to the cool environment. All of his pain and feelings seemed to have enhanced tenfold since he had been resurected as a human. But he still felt the prescence of his demon. Spike was still there. He had no track of time ever since he’d ben brought back, but he surmised about a week- which felt like months after the torture Dru put him through. well, at least she hadn’t resorted to the hot pokers. She used to love to heat them up over the hearth and -

"All right, sweet William. I shall bring you cakes and tea to eat. It shall be a party!" she gleefully clapped her hands and danced with an imaginary partner away. Soon after, Spike passed out.

She left just in time just to see Fairuza walking out of the mansion doors.

"Fairy, where are you going?" Drusilla asked with a tilt of her head.

"Oh, I decided to go for a stroll. See what’s really going on in this quaint little town." she said with a half smirk.

"Do be careful darling. The Slayer is lurking about and I don’t want her breaking up our happy home."

"Don’t worry sweets. It’ll cause wrinkles." Dru arched an eyebrow as her companion left.

Fairuza definitely didn’t plan on staying in Sunnydale for another day. Another hour if she could help it. But she somehow felt obligated to Dru. That and the fact that she really considered her a friend- her only friend. She needed Dru as much as Dru needed her. But put "her William" into the equaiton and the whole thing was pretty much shot to shit. So, not being one to take things lying down, she came up with a plan and headed to the cemetary with evilness shining in her eyes.

********************

"Thanks Buff for taking me out. It’s been awhile since I’ve done the whole patrolling thing. Feels good with the fresh air and imminent death lurking around every corner. Or, ya know tombstone." Willow said as she walked alongside her best friend.

"Yea. Thought you could use a breather. And besides, we haven’t had much of girl time so I figured hey?"

"So, how ya doin? I mean really?"

"Well, actually the dreams are more of a comfort now. Even though he’s not here, I still get to see him every night. Even if it is only in my mind."

"Well, as long as it doesn’t drive ya crazy like last time. Cause trying to kill ya friends- so not of the good. But hey, I should know." Buffy gave her a sad smile.

"Well, at least we can look back on it and laugh, right?" Buffy asked.

"Right. You, I was just thinking that maybe we should..." Willow stopped and was intently concentrating on something in front of her.

"Will, what is it? Will?" Buffy walked directly in front of her and took a step back as Willow’s eyes became black.

"Buffy, someone’s here. It’s way powerful, and, and I- So, I finally get to meet the infamous Slayer." Willow said in a not so Willow tone of voice.

"Who are you and why are you possessing my friend?"

"Well I’m not stupid. This is the perfect way to avoid a confrontation and to deliver a message." Willow said with a very toothy smile.

"You see, it’s not that I’m afraid of you, it’s just that if I said what I had to say about you to your face, you’d get upset and lash out at me, and I’d kill you where you stand. But I don’t want you dead. I want you on a mission, of sorts. You do something for me, I’ll do something for you."

"Sorry, but I could care less about what you want."

"Oh Slayer. Better watch yourself there. Cause if you don’t play nice, then I won’t tell you where your little boy toy is."

"What? What are you talking about?"

"Oh come now. You must know. Well- Aaahh!" Willow screamed as she clutched her head.

"Get out, get out, get out!" she screamed as she dropped to her knees.

"Willow, is that you? Are you okay?" she asked as she kneeled down in front of the wicca. Her eyes were back to their normal color.

"I’m- she, she was powerful, and evil, and she was all inside my head... all so evil. But Buffy, I saw something, well lots of things, but it’s all kinda obscurred now."

"What did you see Will?"

"I saw blood, and chains, and I think Drusilla and... I think I saw Spike."

"What?" Buffy whispered.

"Well, it looked like him. Except he was really skinny, and naked, and bruised and, not so much with the bleached hair. He looked lost and tired. I’m pretty sure it was him."

"Do you know where he was."

"No, it looked pretty dark. Not any place I’m familiar with."

"Willow, maybe this is a dumb thing to ask considering... but do you think that maybe you could do a locator spell?"

"I’m sorry Buffy, but I can’t. I don’t know how I- it isn’t safe for me to do magic. At least not now." with a crestfallen face, the Slayer helped the red head up.

"Okay, I’m gonna take you back to my place. Tell Giles everything you know and round up the gang. Gonna need a lot of research."

"What will you do?"

"I don’t know. Gonna try to find him. They’ve gotta be close..."

*****************

Later at the Summer’s Residence...

"...so when she was inside of my head, I could see flashes of what was in her head too." Willow continued explaining.

"But you couldn’t figure out who she was?" Anya questioned.

"No,'cept that I’ve never known her, and she’s powerful and kinda ancient. She gave off this whole aura of an old power of sorts."

"And you’re sure Drusilla’s in the mix?" Xander asked.

"Yeah. If it wasn’t her, then it was someone an awful lot like her. I only saw a side view, but it was the crazed cackle that tipped me off."

"But I don’t understand how it’s possible that Spike could be back. Drusilla was psychotic and hypnotic, but never powerful as far as magic." Giles said more to himself than the others.

"Well, obviously that’s where that powerful gal who possesed Willow comes in. Take me for instance and some of my demon friends. I mean, I’m more powerful than most of them and happy to oblige to help them in certain situations if need be." Anya said enthusiastically.

"That’s all good and well Ahn, but how does one resurrect a dusted vamp?" Xander countered.

"Well Angel died and came back, right?" Dawn questioned.

"Not exactly, Dawn. Buffy never staked Angel. She just stabbed him, thus sending him to a hell dimension." Giles answered. Dawn made a face of realization in reply.

"It just doesn’t seem possible." Giles said in exasperation and squeezing the bridge of his nose.

"Oh yeah cause, people don’t die and come back like three times over, or being possesed, or bug people, or werewolves, or getting stuck in some kid’s nightmare or-"

"Yes Xander, I get the point. This is a hell mouth after all." Giles conceded.

*********************

Buffy didn’t know where she was headed. One could say it appeared as if she was just wandering around. But all the while, a little mantra in her head profusely repeated itself Feel me, feel me... She knew that that dream she had was no coincidence. Spike was somewhere in the down and she would find... that’s when she felt it. The slight tightening in her gut that spanned to her chest. She started running towards the presence that was pulling her. Her mantra now changed to one word: Spike.

As she approached the old mansion, the feeling became stronger, yet felt weaker at the same time.

"Oh god, he’s dying." with Slayer strength she kicked down the bolted door and her. Her back was turned, but for some reason, Buffy stopped.

"I knew you were coming. The pixies in my head announced your arrival. I suppose it’s just as well. He’ll never learn. I suppose it was wishful thinking on my part. But he’s back now. And he’s yours." she slowly turned around. I know my Fairy Queen had something to do with you finding out, but it is a tad boring here."

"What makes you think you’ll be leaving here at all?" Buffy asked in a deadly tone.

"Because you and I both know that William is slipping away. He doesn’t have much time, and fighting me will slow you down. Take care, Slayer. Take care of our dear William." she walked out of the door without so much as a backwards glance at Buffy. But Buffy paid no heed as she followed her senses to the basement. And there he was, her champion- hanging lifelessly from the shackles that bound his wrists. She covered her mouth with her hand and stifled a sob and an "Oh God!"

"Spike, Spike please. Hold on. I’ll get you out of here soon. Spike?"

There was just so much blood. Long gashes on his torso, and something that looked like burns on his arms and thighs. He was so thin and weak. She was terrified of losing him again. She was on the verge of hysterics. She decided on having a nervous breakdown- later.

******************

"Oh Dru. Stop your sulking. It was for the best anyway. He didn’t love you. Besides, we’ll always have each other." Fairuza said in a placating tone.

"But I could have played with him for a little longer. But you ruined it."

"If you ‘played’ with him any longer, he would have been dead a lot quicker."

"Oh, but you don’t know my William. He’s a fighter. He always comes out on top."

******************

"Aahh!" Buffy screamed as she came, writhing against underneath her much alive lover.

"So, how many is that love? I lost count." he mumbled as he lay his head against her neck.

"Lucky thirteen. Got sixteen more to go to make up for the days you were away." she replied breathlessly.

"How ‘bout I pay you back in interest?"

"In full?"

"Always."

"Spike?"

"Pet?"

"You ever think about having a family?"

"Already have one. And believe when I say I am so not looking forward a reunion of any kind with those wankers." he said in reference to his sire and grandsire.

"No, I mean, with me?" she asked uneasily. He lifted his head up and looked at her in the eyes.

"Honestly, I never thought about it before cause hey, wasn’t possible. But now, I’d be honored." he said and gave her a loving kiss.

"So, uh, when do you wanna start? Or is now too soon or-"

"Spike, I think we’ve already begun the process."

"Oh yeah, Summers. I’ll knock you up good and proper." he said with a smirk.

"God, you’re such a pig!" she said in good humor.

"Yea, you know you love it."

"I love you."

"And I love you."

"Always."

"Always."

Coursing through my senses, he's prevailing

Floating through the space of my design

Drowning me to find my inside sailing

Drinking in the mainstream of his mind

Filling up the cup of my emotions

Spilling over into all I do

If I only I could get lost in his ocean

Surviving on the thought of loving you

He's just like the water

I ain't felt this way in years

He's just like the water, the water

I ain't felt this way in years

Bathing in the fountain of his essence

He causes my __expression to remain

Humbled on a mountain by his presence

Washing my intentions with his name

Sealing off the floodgates of his passions

Saving all his liquid for his own

Moisturizing me to satisfaction

In my imagination? No no!

He's pouring out his soul to me for hours and hours

Drawing out my nature with his hands

Yearning I'm so thirsty for his power

Burning to be worthy of his land

Lauryn Hill