Chapter Ten - Back To Reality...

Xander and Riley started with surprise when they saw the rest of the Scooby Gang emerge from the bushes on the other side of the clearing. Jonathan, however, just gave their four friends a grim nod, resigned to the fact that everything was falling into place and the result was inevitable.

“Oh, good,” Willow said, flashing the three men a smile, “I was kinda starting to wonder if maybe the tracking spell had latched onto something else.”

Jonathan spared her a tight smile and continued to follow the slight tingle of the mark on his back that always let him know where the monster he had created was. It brought his path directly parallel to Willow’s.

“We’re tracking the monster,” he informed Willow. “Buffy and Spike are trying to kill it.”

“Oh,” Willow said, slightly confused, but she could tell by Jonathan’s tone that now was not the time to press the issue.

Anya had no such tact, however. “If Spike’s brainwashed Buffy, then why would they go try to kill a monster?” she asked.

“Buffy’s not brainwashed,” Xander said simply, wrapping his arm around her as they continued to follow their twin guides deeper into the woods. “She’s herself.”

Riley’s eyes narrowed, but he made no comment.

The tense silence hung over the group as they made their way through the maze of trees until finally they could hear sounds in the distance. Several curious looks were exchanged, but as they approached it became all too clear that what they were hearing were the sounds of battle…

“Slayer, look out!”

Buffy barely managed to roll to the side in time to avoid the monster’s fist. She continued to roll several more times until she was sure she was out of range before she shakily returned to her feet.

Spike had jumped the creature from behind while she was escaping. He had long since lost the small dagger he’d brought from her dorm room, and she once again cursed the fact that all her heavy artillery had been at Giles’ for re-sharpening. They could definitely have used some sturdier equipment.

Spike was nothing if not resourceful, though. His right hand managed to find the blade of Buffy’s dagger that had broken off in the thing’s side, and he twisted it viciously, causing the monster to roar in pain and slam the vampire on its back hard into the wall.

Spike slumped to the floor just as Buffy returned to the battle, catching the creature’s head with the flat heal of her boot before it had a chance to injure Spike further. She leapt back in time to escape a wide sweep of its claws, but lost her balance when she landed, her foot catching on a jagged rock. She managed to maintain her footing, but she was off just enough that she couldn’t fully evade the next blow.

She bit back a hiss of pain when she felt razor-sharp claws graze her stomach, the cuts not deep enough to incapacitate her but still bad enough to bleed and sting like hell.

She responded with a strong left cross to the beast’s jaw. Its head snapped back, and before it could right itself again, Spike had caught a hold of its throat from behind and began to squeeze.

Buffy took the opportunity given her to land a bone-snapping kick to the creature’s right knee and a hard punch to the stomach.

It howled in pain and stilled for the second Spike needed to snap its neck from behind.

They both paused.

And then the monster screamed in outrage, catching Spike by the shirt and throwing him into Buffy with supernatural strength.

The two lovers collided, but Spike somehow managed to twist to the side just enough that he didn’t land on top of Buffy when they fell to the ground.

“Bloody hell!” he gasped, dodging to the side as the creature slammed into the ground right where the two of them had just been. “What does it take to kill this thing?!”

“Lop off its head,” Buffy suggested from the other side of the enraged beast.

“With what?!” Spike demanded.

“Find,” duck, “something!” Block. Buffy began to give ground as the monster slashed and snarled at her like a cornered animal, never giving her a moment’s respite.

Spike searched around for his lost dagger, saw that it was behind Buffy, and let out a sigh of hopeless exasperation. “’m gonna hate myself for this in the mornin’,” he muttered, rolling his eyes heavenward, before he tackled the beast from behind once more.

“Spike, you’ve already tried—” Buffy stopped abruptly, and her eyes widened at the vampire’s latest, oh-so-unpleasant strategy.

Spike’s fangs sunk deep into the beast’s shoulder, and he fought back the instinctive gag reflex when some of the creature’s yellow, oozing blood got into his mouth.

Buffy watched his demonic features contort in disgust and realized that this latest foolhardy plan had to have an ulterior motive. She looked around, spotted the dagger, and scooped it up all while the beast writhed under the assault of needle-sharp fangs.

“Let go!” Buffy commanded just before she swung the blade at the monster’s throat.

Spike jumped back, spitting in revulsion at the foul taste in his mouth.

And Buffy’s blade struck the creature’s neck…and got lodged halfway through.

“Damn you!” Buffy screamed, swinging at the thing’s neck. “Why. Won’t. You. Just. Die?!”

It fell to its knees under the force of her continued blows.

“Think you’re finally gettin’ to it, luv,” Spike commented, still trying to spit the nasty aftertaste from his mouth.

As if in response to his statement, there was a strangled cry from the entrance of the cave. Buffy and Spike spun around in surprise to see the Scoobies gathered en masse at the opening, all surrounding a shrieking Jonathan.

“I’m hurting him!” Buffy exclaimed in horror, turning to Spike.

The vampire gave her a helpless, bewildered look. “That shouldn’t happen…” His brow furrowed.

In the meantime, the lamentably unkillable monster in question took advantage of Buffy’s distraction to lunge up at her. It tackled her back onto the ground and…

There was a moment of silence.

Everyone gaped.

And then Anya snorted.

Her snort was followed immediately by Tara’s.

And then Willow’s.

It quickly spread to Xander, Buffy, and Spike.

Giles finally caved in and joined what was fast becoming hysterical laughter.

Riley just looked confused.

Jonathan didn’t look up at all as he felt the power fade from him. In all fairness, though, the experience wasn’t exactly pleasant.

Nearly weeping from her mirth, Buffy rolled the monster off of her…as well as the six crossbow bolts and one dagger that had all impacted the beast’s back in the space of only a millisecond.

“Who says slaying’s not a team sport?” she managed to get out between giggles.

The monster groaned, and Buffy sighed.

“Die already!” she exclaimed in frustration, finally ripping the thing’s head from its shoulders. It vanished in a bright white flash. “Finally…” she began, turning back to Spike.

And then it happened.

Another wave of bright light flashed through the cave, and suddenly the world tilted, shifted…

Memories bombarded Buffy’s mind, restoring the natural flow of the universe. Only the subtlest variations on the pivotal events of her life…but paralyzing changes nonetheless. If Buffy had had the presence of mind to look at Spike’s face at that moment, she would have seen the same memories in his eyes…

Flash! Jonathan’s presence is removed from the high school on parent-teacher night, and it’s Buffy who Spike nearly impales on the pole. And it’s Buffy who humiliates Spike for the very first time in battle.

Flash! Halloween. Two and a half years ago. Jonathan doesn’t step in to save Buffy’s life. It’s Buffy herself that beats Spike down once again.

Flash! Buffy is suddenly the one who holds the blade to Drusilla’s throat, threatening to destroy the only thing Spike really cares about…

Flash! An abandoned church. Buffy and Spike are now the two engaged in mortal combat. Spike breaks free for just long enough to grab hold of Drusilla. He nearly makes his escape when something impacts him hard from behind. He crashes forward into the organ as flames begin to lick at the dried wood around them. All that time in the wheelchair: suddenly her fault…

Flash! That first tentative alliance. Spike carries an unconscious Drusilla and looks casually over his shoulder to see Angelus and Buffy fighting to the death. He turns away disinterestedly. After all, he’s got what he came for. Let the Slayer kill her wayward lover all by herself…

Flash!  “Guess you’re not worth a second go. Come to think of it, seems like someone told me as much. Who was that? Oh, yeah. Angel.” Buffy is enraged. She catches hold of Spike’s wrist and yanks the ring from his hand. He barely dives through the manhole in time, sizzling in the sun as he goes. The Gem of Amara, invincibility, everything gone because of her.

Flash!

Flash!

Flash!

Buffy’s eyes widen as the attacks on her multiply exponentially within her head. Harsh, bitter words that sting for weeks afterward, threats, kidnappings, and on and on and on and…there it is. That pure, unbridled hatred that had built up within her over the years.

Spike flinches back as if slapped when everything that has gone wrong with his unlife can suddenly be traced back to her. With every defeat, he sees her face standing over him. Buffy winning in battle after battle, crippling him, bringing back Angelus, turning Dru against him, taking the Gem of Amara, and finally distracting him while the soldiers kidnap him and stick the chip in his brain.

“Oh…god!” Buffy exclaimed in horror when reality finally reasserted itself.

Spike quickly withdrew the hand that he had offered her and backed away, only rage and fury visible in eyes that until recently held so much love.

And Buffy was sure that the same affection that had been in her eyes vanished as well.

Both felt as if they’d just been punched right in the stomach, a sickening feeling ten times worse than when Willow’s Thy Will Be Done spell ended. Because this time the love had been real, and now it was gone, destroyed by a world in which it was impossible. And both couldn’t help but mourn the loss for a split second, even if neither would ever admit it aloud.

“Huh,” Anya commented from the doorway. “That was weird.” She turned to Xander. “Don’t you think that was weird, honey?”

Xander couldn’t help but nod numbly and stare at where Jonathan was painfully rising to his feet. “Y-You’re not real!” he finally accused, pointing his finger at the former superstar.

“Uh…sorry?” Jonathan whimpered nervously, his former resolution to end the spell suddenly not seeming like such a good idea. He backed into the cave wall as the entire Scooby Gang turned their attention to him with the exceptions of Spike and Buffy.

“What happened?” Riley demanded, confused.

“A s-spell?” Giles suggested, equally bewildered.

“You made us all believe you were, like, an ultra-Slayer?” Willow frowned.

Then, several voices in unison. “Why?”

“I-I-I…” Jonathan stuttered hopelessly, too flustered to defend himself…not like he could really defend his actions anyway.

Fortunately, he was taken out of the spotlight by the scene playing out between the two former lovers behind him.

“Oh no…” Buffy whispered, wrapping her arms around herself, desperately seeking comfort.

Spike’s eyes narrowed at her reaction. “Tha’s how it is, ‘ey Slayer?” he said with feigned disinterest.

“Spike,” she spat the word out like it was a bad taste in her mouth.

Hurt flashed in his eyes for a second, before it faded into his traditional cocky grin. “Yeah, well, ‘s been fun, Slayer. See you dead.” He turned to exit the cave.

“If I ever see you again,” Buffy retorted, her icy words halting him in his tracks, “you’ll be the one who’s dead.”

A deadly smile twisted up the edges of his lips. “Can’t’ve been that bad, luv,” he teased. “Or maybe I was too good. That what’s got your knickers in a twist? Still want me?”

White-hot rage burned in Buffy’s eyes, and her hands clenched into fists. “Like I would ever, ever touch you!” she exclaimed. “You disgust me! You’re an evil thing, and you’re lucky I’ve let you live this long. Now, get out! I never want to see you again!”

“Like ‘d want to be with the Slayer, anyway,” he scoffed, his tone bitter, biting. “Can see why they all leave you now, luv,” he growled. “After all, you’re really not worth it, are you?” And then he was gone, disappeared into the blackness outside the cave.

And Buffy fell to the floor in tears.

Riley was at her side in an instant, wrapping his arms around her and holding her to him. “Buffy, are you all right?” he asked, worried. “He didn’t hurt you, did he? Did he? Because if he did…” He left the threat unfinished.

Buffy managed to shake her head, despite her tears. “N-No, he didn’t… Oh god!” She began crying anew.

“Shh…it’s OK,” Riley soothed her. “He’s gone now, and I’ll make sure you never have to see him again.”

Buffy managed to nod meekly and put herself together again, suppressing the instinctive pang she felt at the thought of never seeing Spike again. “I-I’m OK,” she said shakily. “Really. Just…not a good spell.”

“Speaking of which,” Giles turned the infamous Ripper-stare on Jonathan, and Jonathan yelped in response.

“Let him go, Giles,” Buffy said wearily. “The spell’s not designed to cause harm…well, except for the monster, that is.”

“I swear, the guy who gave it to me glossed right over that part,” Jonathan pleaded desperately.

Buffy raised her eyebrows at this but made no comment. “I just want to get some sleep,” she finally declared. “Being on the run from you guys really takes a lot out of a girl…” Just like falling madly in love only to lose it again over some stupid spell does.

“Let’s go home then,” Riley said with a small smile, wrapping his arm around her waist. “We’ve got a lot of making up to do.”

Buffy gave him a weak smile. “Yeah,” she said unenthusiastically…

Chapter Eleven - Fond Memories

Buffy breathed a sigh of relief when Riley took her excuse that she was worn out at face value and departed. Although she could have lived without the quick peck on the lips… Something about his kiss just felt…revolting to her. She mentally slapped herself for being so mean and then changed her mind. She was just being truthful, after all, and not lying to herself was definitely of the good.

Willow was silent the entire way into the dorm. She fiddled with the keys to their room for a second before opening the door, flicking on the lights, and depositing Spike’s duster on the chair by Buffy’s computer.

Buffy stepped into the room nervously, memories of what she would have called the best night of her life only a few hours ago nearly overwhelming her. Her bedding was still messed up, but fortunately she’d never been big on making her bed so Willow didn’t even notice. She silently thanked Spike’s presence of mind last night that he’d opened the windows and allowed the scent of sex to be aired out of the room.

With a wistful sigh, she shut and bolted the door behind her and began to slip out of her clothes and into her pajamas.

Willow mirrored her actions, biting her lip and occasionally glancing up until Buffy couldn’t take it anymore.

“What is it, Wills?” Buffy asked, sitting on the edge of her bed tentatively. Here, she could still smell him, feel the cool silk of his skin as he moved beneath the sheets with her, hear his husky voice thick with his accent as he whispered his love to her… Get a grip, Buffy! She mentally slapped herself. Vampire plus Slayer equals BAD!

“A-About what happened?” Willow picked up a bit of the stuttering habit she’d lost years back over the awkwardness of this situation.

Buffy just looked at her expectantly.

Willow took a deep breath. “Are you all right, Buffy?” she finally asked. “I mean, I know you and Spike…” She trailed off, her face flaming bright red. “And I figured you might not want to talk about it with Riley there…”

Buffy managed to let out a snort of laughter at that. “Definitely not able to handle Riley right now,” she agreed with a small smile.

“And I can so get that,” Willow agreed. “After all, you and Spike did…” gulp, “…have sex…” The last two words were whispered as if this were the biggest secret in the world.

Buffy sighed and collapsed back on her mattress. Her pillow really smelled like him: smoke and leather and that delicious spicy, male Spike scent… “Not sex,” she whispered softly into her pillow, inhaling deeply and remembering their night here together in excruciating detail.

Willow, blissfully unaware of the associations Buffy held with that bed and that pillow, frowned slightly. “What?” she asked, confused.

“Spike and I didn’t have sex…” Buffy repeated, a little louder.

“Oh!” Willow flushed with embarrassment. “But the tracking spell shorted out and—”

“…We made love,” the Slayer clarified, rolling onto her back and staring up at the ceiling. She pulled the blanket up over herself, and she could almost imagine that its weight was that of a cool, muscular arm wrapped lazily around her waist…

“Oh!” Willow exclaimed. Then her brow furrowed. “Oh…god… Buffy, I’m…sorry?” She lay on her side on her own bed, uncertain if this was the right response.

She managed to give the witch a small smile. “Thanks,” she sighed deeply, taking the cool night air into her lungs and holding it there for a minute, remembering his cool breath against hers. “It’s all right, though,” she added with false confidence. “It was never meant to be, and now it’s not anymore. So everything’s just peachy again.”

Willow just lay there quietly for a minute, trying to decipher her best friend’s behavior. “You mean you just…don’t anymore?” she finally asked, more than a little unconvinced.

“No,” Buffy insisted too quickly, too vehemently. She laughed nervously. “Spell, right? No real feelings there…”

“But the purpose of the spell wasn’t to make you l-love him,” Willow tripped over the vital word in that sentence, her face coloring once again, “not like when I…er, accidentally got the two of you engaged. This was just a side-effect.”

“Purpose, side-effect, whatever!” Buffy insisted. “There’s nothing there!”

“OK,” Willow said quickly, wide-eyed and obviously still not quite believing Buffy. “It’s just that I know if it were me, and suddenly there was spell with feelings and nakedness, and then it went away…”

“What do you want me to say?” Buffy asked wearily, resigned to the fact that she couldn’t get out of this conversation. Hell, she’d never been able to fool Willow anyway. “That I love him?”

“Do you?” Willow persisted nervously. Hearing that her best friend had fallen for another vampire wasn’t exactly on her list of top ten fun things to do on a Friday night.

Buffy’s jaw clenched, and her eyes went cold. “He’s a vampire,” she said confidently, “I’m the Slayer. I could never love him.” She cast a nervous glance to where Spike’s duster rested over the back of her computer chair and could almost, almost imagine that he’d just stepped out for a second and was coming right back…

“You can’t,” Willow nodded. “I understand. But do you?”

“My feelings are irrelevant,” Buffy’s voice shook slightly despite her determination to stay strong, and a lone tear slipped down her face. “I have a sacred duty.”

“Oh, Buffy!” Willow exclaimed in shared anguish and sympathy. “I’m so, so sorry…”

Buffy tried to laugh, but it came out as a muffled sob instead. “Yeah, well, so am I. But it doesn’t change anything. Doesn’t change the fact that I—oh god!”

She burst out into tears, and Willow was at her side in a second, holding her and crying as well over loves that were so perfect they could never be…

Anya leaned against the stone wall and yawned as Xander paced back and forth in front of her indecisively.

“This is stupid,” he muttered to himself for the umpteenth time. “This is the dumbest thing I’ve ever done. I’m making an ass out of my self. I’ve got to be out of my mind.”

“Starting to agree with you on that last one…” Anya commented, rolling her eyes and taking another chewy bite off of her granola bar.

“I shouldn’t be here,” Xander decided for the hundredth time.

“ ‘But what if you’re right’,” Anya quoted, having learned this rant by heart over the past few hours.

“But what if I’m right?” Xander managed to remain completely oblivious to his girlfriend’s extreme boredom. “Things can’t just end like…that, can they?”

“Argh!” Anya finally cried out in frustration. “Is this a human thing, or something? Worrying pointlessly about the same thing for hours and hours on end? Because it’s stupid!”

Xander looked at her, wide-eyed and properly chastised.

“Now, just go in there and do it!” she exclaimed, pointing resolutely to the door. “Now, before I go insane, too!”

“You know,” Xander commented softly, taking in her flushed cheeks and fiery eyes, “I kinda love you…”

Anya’s eyes softened instantly, and she gave him a sultry little smile. “Well, maybe it can wait a little bit,” she teased, pulling him back into the bushes…

“What about Riley?” Willow asked, back on her own bed again so that she wouldn’t muffle the sacred scent of Spike, watching Buffy absentmindedly pet the black leather duster the vampire had left behind.

Buffy grimaced. “So don’t want to think about him…” She buried her face in the soft, worn black leather and was suddenly very glad she’d ‘fessed up to Willow. Otherwise, this wonderful little reminder of him would by necessity be halfway across the room.

“You’re gonna have to, though,” Willow pointed out. “He’ll probably call bright and early tomorrow morning.”

“Ugh,” Buffy groaned. “Didn’t anyone ever tell that boy not to call a Slayer before noon?”

“Probably not,” Willow felt compelled to respond.

“Well, how about a college student then? You’re not supposed to call them before noon, either.”

“You’ve got me there,” Willow said with a small smile.

“Of course, does the Great Riley realize this? No! He assumes everyone else leaps out of bed at the stroke of five like he does and starts off their day with a healthy does of vitamins, push-ups, and Wheeties…because that’s sooo much fun…”

“OK, I think I’m sensing a bit of Riley-hostility here,” Willow joked lightly.

“More like a huge, heaping pile of Riley-hostility with gravy on top,” Buffy sulked. “He shot me, Will. He used that taser on me, like I was nothing. And this is after he sleeps with Faith while she’s in my body and doesn’t even notice! I’m starting to think me and Riley…”

“Not of the good?” Willow suggested.

“Of the bad,” Buffy agreed. “Of the phenomenally boring. Of the if you talk down to me one more time I’ll rip your throat out.”

“He is a bit…superior sometimes,” Willow agreed. “But I thought, sparkage?”

“No sparkage,” Buffy sighed. “Negative on the sparkage. Big positive on the feeling pressured to fake sparkage…”

“Buffy!” Willow said in surprise. “You should never have to fake—”

“But you liked him so much,” Buffy insisted, “and he was nice and normal and everything that I was supposed to want. Everything that Angel said I was supposed to want…”

“So now you’re choosing your boyfriends based off of Angel’s opinion?” Willow snorted derisively. “Way to live constantly in your ex’s shadow, Buff.”

“But that’s why he left,” Buffy insisted, “so that I could have a normal life with a normal guy…”

“And you tried it, and guess what?” Willow responded, matter-of-factly. “You don’t like the normal guys. You go straight for the supernatural one. Hell, I can’t say that I blame you. I’ve got a little thing for those of the supernatural persuasion as well. In fact, that pretty much is normal on the Hellmouth.” She let a wicked little smile curl across her lips that was strangely reminiscent of Vamp Willow. “Plus, Spike’s got a sexy bod that would stop a charging elephant at fifty paces.”

“Willow!” Buffy shrieked with horror, covering her hands with her face and blushing a deep maroon color.

Willow couldn’t help but chuckle evilly over her ability to tease her best friend about her latest love interest.

“What a minute!” Buffy’s head shot up when she was through being mortified. “When did you get to see Spike’s sexy bod?!”

“Should’ve been at Giles’ when Spike ran in with the Initiative homing transmitter in his back,” Willow gave her a sly grin. “Shirtless Spike… It was almost enough to make me go for g—er, that kind of thing.” The young witch blushed a bit and hoped Buffy didn’t notice the slip-up about her newfound lesbianism.

Fortunately, the Slayer was reliving several of her own pleasant memories at the moment. “He is kinda…er, gorgeous, isn’t he?” she finally spit out, completely embarrassed that this was Spike she was talking about. “And you wouldn’t believe how good a kisser he is…”

“Well, I suppose you pick that up after a hundred and twenty years,” Willow agreed with a girlish giggle. It had been a long time since they’d talked boys like this.

“Oh, he picked up more than that,” Buffy winked at her. Then her eyes got this far away look, and a wave of nostalgia ran over her. “He would do this little thing, y’know?” she began fondly. “He would nuzzle into my hair, and he’d make the sweetest little noise. It was like a gasping breath and a purr and a growl all at once, and it made me just want to…” She gulped and fought back another round of tears.

“What?” Willow pressed softly.

“Hold him forever…”

“Spike?” Xander called out warily as he threw the door to the crypt open finally…and after much persuasion from Anya.

Anya straightened her blouse a bit and walked right past him into the crypt.

“Spike?” Xander repeated before shaking his head. “I don’t think he’s here…”

Anya sighed. “You’ve got to stop falling for all the ‘vampire prey’ tricks, sweetie,” she informed him. “He’s right over there.”

Xander squinted into the darkness where she pointed for a moment. He was about to say that she was seeing things, when his focus finally seemed to make the darkness fade away, and there was the peroxide vampire, plain as day.

“Oh, bugger!” Spike groaned when he saw that his supernatural cover had been blown. He decided to go for offensive and rude – always a good bet – and swaggered into view, taking a deep swig of whiskey as he did so. “Sorry, Whelp,” he scowled at the two intruders, “but ‘f you and your li’l demon bint here are lookin’ for a nice, dirty hole to get you kinks out, you’ll ‘ave to go to some place uninhabited.”

“We’re not here for that,” Xander snapped back instinctively. “We’re looking for you.”

“Oh, a threesome now, is it?” Spike said with a wicked leer. “Too bad I missed the warm-up outside jus’ now…”

Anya’s eyes widened at the thought, and she licked her lips tentatively, noticing not for the first time just how good-looking Spike really was. “Xander?” she asked curiously.

“No!” Xander exclaimed in exasperation, looking back and forth between the demon and former demon with mild annoyance. “This isn’t about sex!”

“But I thought it was about sex,” Anya countered. “You said we had to come over here and discuss all the sex that’s been going on lately, so—”

“Ahn,” Xander cut her off before one of their baser urges derailed the conversation again.

“Right,” Anya nodded with resigned understanding.

“Well now, innit this fun?” Spike rolled his eyes and sat down on the stone sarcophagus since someone had destroyed his only chair… Not that he really minded, though. Just sitting here reminded him of their time together: reading the books they’d stolen, teasing and joking, thighs and arms casually brushing, all friendly and false innocence and all those other things he’d never had a chance to experience and was now aching for. He shook himself out of his introspection and put the cocky grin back on his face. “Better than a sitcom…”

“Spike,” Xander said sternly, “about the spell and the thing with Buffy…”

Spike sighed and lit up a cigarette. “This it, then? You gonna stake me ‘cause another spell went wonky? Or maybe you’re jus’ gonna stake me on principle?”

“Spike!” Xander hissed in irritation. It really was a constant effort not to throttle the vampire when he decided to be annoying.

“Whelp,” he replied evenly.

Xander suddenly found himself unable to speak. This just wasn’t the sort of thing you said to a formerly homicidal vampire that had tried to kill you on multiple occasions.

Luckily, Anya wasn’t bothered by the awkwardness of this situation in the least. Xander knew there had always been a reason why he loved her.

“Xander’s worried that you fell in love with Buffy while you were under that spell,” she explained with characteristic bluntness, “and that you still are now. So, now that the spell’s over and Buffy’s no longer hanging out with you, you’ll either get really depressed and try to stake yourself or you’ll go off the evil deep end and find a way to try to kill everyone again.” She flashed Xander a bright smile after having managed to convey everything that it would take a guy several years to say in only a few seconds.

“Uh…yeah,” Xander said, nervously running his fingers through his hair. “Except less with the ‘worried about you’ and more with the ‘uh-oh, he’s not going to try to kill us, is he?’,” he amended, preserving his manly pride.

Spike was strangely quiet throughout all this, absentmindedly taking drags off his cigarette.

“So…yeah!” Xander looked at Spike, expecting some kind of reaction.

The vampire merely snorted. “ ‘Fell in love’? Please. Like I give a damn one way or another ‘bout…” He trailed off at the expression on Xander’s face and remembered that Xander had caught the two of them at their most lovey-dovey. He turned to look away abruptly, afraid of what the human would read in his eyes.

“Uh-huh,” Xander finally said when it seemed clear that Spike had no intention of finishing that thought. “That’s funny, y’know? ‘Cause when I saw the two of you in that cave…”

“Oh, bloody hell!” Spike threw his hands up in the air in exasperation, already bored with the lie he’d just concocted. “Yes, ‘m in love with your stupid Slayer! Happy now? Stake away!”

There was silence for a minute.

Finally, Spike nervously opened one eye, not even having been aware of the fact that he’d closed them in anticipation of his dusty demise.

Anya pulled another granola bar out of her pocket and began chewing it, looking back and forth between the two men curiously. “This is getting boring,” she commented, taking another bite and savoring the raisin she’d just bitten into. She turned to Xander. “Say something,” she ordered.

“I-I-I…” This had all worked out a lot better in Xander’s head. Actually, Xander hadn’t bothered to work it out in his head at all beforehand. He’d just dived right in out of some strange, bizarre sense of…not-worry. Yeah, that was it. Not-worry over Spike. And the vampire’s admission had kicked the not-worry up another several notches.

“Close your mouth, Harris,” Spike snarked. “You look like a bleedin’ flounder.”

Xander’s jaw shut with an audible snap. He desperately tried to come up with something to say to his former reluctant roommate that wouldn’t seriously piss him off. That pretty much ruled out any expression of sympathy. “She looked happy,” he finally settled on a choice after not too much thought.

Spike quirked an eyebrow at him in response.

“I didn’t see much,” Xander said a bit more confidently, “but she looked happy.”

“Yeah,” Spike said with a bitter smile, flicking away his cigarette and grinding it out with the toe of his boot.

“I really hate spells,” Xander sighed.

“Me, too,” Spike agreed softly. “Me, too…”

Buffy rolled over onto the pile of pillows and blankets against the wall and shut her eyes tight, trying to imagine that it was him beside her. The feel of his leather duster against her inner thigh helped, but still…

Her bed had never felt so cold before. And it was ridiculous; he didn’t even have any body heat. All there was was the heat that he reflected back off of her. But, oh that heat…

By the time they’d woken up, he’d been completely warmed by her embrace throughout the night, and he felt so, so good against her…

Spike awoke with a strangled cry as he fell over the edge of his sarcophagus onto the stone floor. Fourth time tonight, he realized wearily, cursing and climbing back up onto his makeshift bed.

The problem was the dream. The one where the Slayer was lying right beside him in bed, and he would reach out of her but she wouldn’t be there, so he’d keep reaching further and inching over until it was floor time again.

“Bloody hell,” he groaned and lay on his back. He dared to close his eyes once more, and already the images of their one night together flooded his mind.

“What’ve you done to me, Buffy?” he asked the empty darkness of his crypt, her absence a palpable pain in his chest…

“I miss you so much, Spike,” she whispered softly, burying her head in the soft leather of his jacket and finally drifting off to sleep…

Chapter Twelve – DeNile’s Not Just a River in Egypt…

“…And she’s been all mopey ever since,” Willow concluded, eating another bite of her pancakes.

“Maybe you should have stayed with her,” Xander suggested, wolfing down his sausages as he did so. “We could have rescheduled the whole weekly breakfast thing…”

“Nah, she’s OK,” Willow reassured him. “Besides, she’s meeting Riley for coffee this morning.”

“So soon?” Xander asked in surprise. “She sure got over Spike fast. Now I feel really sorry for the guy…”

“Oh no,” Willow batted her hand in the air dismissively. “This is the break-up conversation.”

“Buff’s breaking up with Psycho Soldier Boy?” Xander’s eyes widened in surprise. “Yes! About time!” He pumped his arms in the air in victory.

Willow nodded. “I’m with you on this one. Riley’s so…”

“Boring? Bland? Dull? Militaristic? Momma’s boy?” Xander suggested in rapid succession.

Willow laughed. “On the nose,” she agreed. Then she sighed. “I feel really sorry for Buffy, though. She misses Spike so much…”

“Yeah, well, it’s more than mutual,” Xander informed her. “I swear I thought Spike was actually going to cry there for a minute.”

“She’s just so worried about the Slayer/Vampire thing,” Willow said sadly. “She feels like being involved with him would be a violation of her sacred duty or something…”

“Exactly the same with Spike,” Xander agreed before frowning slightly, “…or exactly the opposite. Like it would violate his satanic duty instead.”

“They’re being stupid,” Willow decided.

“Oh yeah,” Xander agreed. “I mean, if they’re stuck working together and all…might as well try it out at least, right?”

She nodded. “But Buffy’s too stubborn to change her mind.”

“And so is Spike.”

“Argh! They’re annoying…stubborn people!”

“Maybe they need a little help,” Xander said with a wry smile, spearing the last sausage with his fork for emphasis…

“Hey,” Riley’s face lit up when she settled down in the seat across from him. “How are you doing today?”

Buffy managed a tight smile. “All right,” she said vaguely, gesturing for the waitress to come over and take her order.

Riley watched her nervously fiddle with her napkin as she ordered her coffee and decided that the horrors of being forced to be that thing’s sex slave were even worse than he had at first imagined. But it was all right. He would help her through this and bring her back into the purity of the light and they could be happy there forever, just like before.

“Do you want me to kill him?” he whispered conspiratorially when the waitress had gone.

Buffy’s face turned ashen white. “N-No…” she stuttered, her heart aching at the mere thought of a world without Spike. “No!” she repeated more vehemently, angry now. “Don’t you dare touch him! He’s mine!”

“I understand,” Riley nodded solemnly. “You need to kill him yourself. That’s actually a good idea. It will break any lingering hold he has over you.” He squeezed her hand gently.

Buffy jerked it back as if it had been stung. “I’m not going to kill Spike,” she said in disbelief.

Riley frowned at this. He’d heard of the Stockholm Syndrome – the tendency of victims to sympathize with their attackers – but he’d never seen it before. “Why not?” he demanded casually, hoping to draw her back into the proper state of mind.

“He didn’t do anything wrong, for one,” Buffy shook her head. “Why would I want to kill him now?”

“How about because he raped you?” he hissed in a low whisper, beginning to get a bit angry at her foolishness now.

“He didn’t rape me!” Buffy whispered as well, not wanting anyone to overhear this. “I consented. He consented. We were both more than willing. There was nothing rape-like about it!”

Riley nodded. “Yeah, I can see how it might seem that way,” he informed her, “but it’s all right. There was a spell involved. It’s OK to say that you revoke your consent now that you’re in your right mind…”

“What?!” Buffy was outraged now. “Haven’t you been listening to anything I’ve been saying?!” she demanded. “I wanted to sleep with him. If anyone’s revoking consent after the fact, it’s him!”

“Buffy, you don’t really mean that,” Riley insisted, grabbing hold of her wrist and holding it tight. “You’ve made a good first step by coming to me for help, but you have to let go and admit that your…dealings with that creature were wrong. You can talk to me, really. I know that it wasn’t your fault, so I’m not going to look down on you for what happened.”

“Look down on me?!” Buffy snatched her wrist from his grasp, needing every bit of her Slayer strength to do so. “How dare you! There was nothing sick or wrong about us!” she practically screamed. “We were very much in love. More than I was ever in love with you, that’s for sure! And I didn’t meet with you to discuss this anyway. My relationship with Spike is so not your business…”

“It’s very much my business,” Riley hissed, standing up as well and grabbing hold of her arm. “I’m your boyfriend, remember? And given that I caught you screwing another guy, I think I’ve been very reasonable so far!”

By now the entire coffee shop was staring at the shouting match before them in rapt fascination.

“Yeah, well,” Buffy said, her voice cold as ice, “that brings me to what I came here for anyway. You know that whole ‘being my boyfriend’ thing? Well, you’re not anymore. It’s over. I don’t know what I saw in you in the first place.”

All the heads in the room looked over to Riley in unison.

Riley stood there in shock for a minute before his face turned livid with rage. “Oh, that’s it, huh? Taking the coward’s way out again? You’re just afraid because you know I can’t really love you after the way you defiled yourself with that monster!”

Back to Buffy again.

“God, you are such a bigot!” Buffy exclaimed. “You know, I’d thought this would be hard, but you’re making it sooo easy. I never want to see you again, Riley!”

Simultaneous head turns to Riley.

“You’re…sick!” he hissed. “You need serious help—”

“The only perverse thing I’ve ever done was get involved with you!”

“You’re just trying to cover so you won’t get hurt!”

“You’re so full of yourself, you didn’t even notice I was unhappy!”

“You’re afraid of intimacy, is your problem!”

“Yeah, I’m afraid of intimacy!” she exclaimed. “As long as it consists of lying under a smothering body that grunts like a pig and then having to go and get myself off in the shower afterwards!”

The heads in the room ping-ponged back to Riley and found him stunned speechless.

“The night Spike and I made love,” Buffy informed him slowly and clearly, “was the best of my life. And you know what it made me realize?”

He shook his head dumbly.

“It made me realize that I don’t have to settle for the likes of you anymore,” she hissed. “You’re the one that needs help here, Riley. You get so jealous you shoot me, then threatened to kill the man I love, and you expect me to be grateful that you forgive me?! You’re sick…”

And with that she stomped out of the café.

Riley stood there in absolute shock for a few minutes before he realized that everyone was staring at him. “Don’t you people have more important things to do?!” he yelled before stomping out himself.

Buffy needed help, dammit! And he was going to make sure she got it…

“Ouch,” Willow flinched as Buffy finished her recap of her argument with Riley.

“Oh, he deserved every word of it!” Buffy scowled, still furious with her ex.

Willow nodded. “He sounds very…dense.”

“Dense,” Buffy sighed. “It’s like he was living in his own little fantasy world, Will. Where I was some pure, innocent little virgin who was spoiled by the dark lord, and he was the knight in shinning armor that saved me and took me back anyway. And he thinks I have mental problems? Life isn’t a fairytale, dammit!”

“Yeah, well, Riley’s kind of…clueless,” Willow shrugged. “Not to mention oblivious. Even Xander saw the imminence of your break-up.”

“Ugh!” Buffy let out one last expression of disgust. “Well, at least it’s over now…”

“Yeah,” Willow said with a sly smile, “you’re officially allowed to check out other people now. Definitely of the good…”

“Not for a long, long time,” Buffy insisted. “Especially since there’s already…” She trailed off, her cheeks flushing slightly.

“Someone you’re in love with?” Willow finished for her.

“Yes… No! I mean, not love, ‘cause you know I’m the Slayer and I can’t,” Buffy quickly covered. “But…definitely not wanting to look at non-Spike guys right now…”

“Looking at guys doesn’t necessarily imply looking at non-Spike guys,” Willow pointed out. “You could look at non-non-Spike guys…” Then she shook her head at how contorted that sounded. “I mean, you could look at Spike, Buffy. Maybe he’s not so adverse to the idea as you think…”

“Another vampire?” Buffy let out a deep sigh. “It won’t work, Wills. Angel and I already proved that.”

“No,” Willow said, getting mildly annoyed with her best friend’s pig-headedness, “you and Angel just proved that the two of you wouldn’t work. You can’t apply you situation with Angel to Spike. They’re totally different people!”

“But I’m still the Slayer and he’s still a vampire,” she insisted. “It’s not meant to be…”

“Then why are you in love with him?” Willow retorted.

“Bad luck,” Buffy sulked.

Willow let out a sigh of exasperation. “Will you at least talk to him?” she pleaded. “I mean, I’m sure there’s stuff you two have to work out still… Non-romantic stuff,” she quickly amended off of Buffy’s look.

“Well…” Buffy began hesitantly, “I never did give him the money I promised…or the chair…” A slight smile quirked up on the edges of her lips over this excuse to see Spike again.

“Chair?” Willow asked, confused.

“Long story,” Buffy waved one hand in the air dismissively.

“See?” Willow prodded. “You really should take care of your unfinished business. It is part of your Slayer duty, and all that.”

“Maybe you’re right, Will,” Buffy said, biting her lower lip in that way that Spike loved, “maybe you’re right.”

“And, if nothing else,” Willow said with a small smile, “you’re done with Riley for good.”

Buffy couldn’t help but smile at this.

However, as if to contradict this statement, the phone abruptly rang…

“Spike!” Anya squealed in surprise when the vampire snuck up behind her Giles’ apartment. “Don’t do that!”

He quirked an eyebrow in her direction and began rummaging through the fridge.

“And what are you doing here?” she demanded. “You’re Spike. You don’t live here anymore. You’re supposed to be not here. You’re supposed to be in your crypt!”

Spike sighed in annoyance and grabbed a bag of chips to accompany the garlic dip he’d stolen from the Watcher’s fridge. “Rupert around?” he demanded, flopping back onto the sofa and grabbing the remote.

Anya frowned. “He’s away doing something that doesn’t involve orgasms,” she explained. “There’s garlic in that,” she added helpfully.

Spike took a defiant bite anyway.

“Back in the 1500s I knew this vamp that could eat garlic raw,” Anya continued to babble on. “It was actually quite impressive. It doesn’t bother some vampires much at all, you know.”

“I hadn’t noticed,” Spike said sarcastically, munching on a large bite of garlic and chip.

Anya seemed oblivious to his sarcasm. “Well, as long as it doesn’t kill you, I guess it’s not a problem,” she concluded. “And why are you here? You shouldn’t be here because Xander’s not, so he can’t be here to tell you why you’re stupid…”

“What?!” Spike exclaimed, hearing the catch phrase in her speech.

“…Of course, knowing Xander, he probably wouldn’t be able to say it well, anyway,” Anya rambled on. “He’d do that weird thing that he informs me is manly where he ‘hems’ and ‘haws’ a lot and never gets anything that’s necessary said. How does one manage to be manly and ever have a conversation that way?” she abruptly demanded of Spike.

“Huh?” he was now thoroughly baffled. “What’re you talkin’ about?”

“I’m talking about the fact that Xander’s trying to inform you that you’re an idiot for not going up to Buffy and asking for more orgasms from her,” she patiently explained, “but he can’t do it because it’s not ‘manly’…and he’s not here,” she conceded, “but that part’s not intentional.”

All Spike managed to catch was the fact that the words ‘Buffy’ and ‘orgasms’ had appeared in the same sentence. His mind had been in a happy place after that point, and he’d entirely missed the former vengeance demon’s point. Again.

“Huh?” he repeated.

“Interesting,” Anya commented. “It seems that being ‘manly’ also consists of not hearing vital information about how to acquire orgasms. I would think that ‘manly’ instincts would automatically seek out any such information…”

“How do I get orgasms now?” Spike’s interest was definitely peaked.

“You go up to Buffy and explain that you still want to copulate with her ever though the spell is over,” Anya explained. “Then you both remove your clothing, and you insert your penis into her—”

“I know that part,” Spike cut her off, miraculously finding himself embarrassed at the complete bluntness of this woman. Maybe Harris wasn’t such a complete pansy after all if he could handle this.

“Well, you obviously need some instruction,” Anya shrugged. “Otherwise you and Buffy would be naked and climaxing right now. I honestly can’t see why you’d both choose not to have sex. It’s making you both mopey and depressed. Unless… Is this some sort of foreplay I don’t know about yet?” she asked curiously.

The chip Spike had been biting into went down the wrong way, and he began coughing in earnest. Anya helped him by hitting him on the back several times.

“Maybe I should try it,” she finally decided. “Perhaps orgasms are more satisfying when one has to wait for them. I have noticed that I tend to climax harder when—”

“’ll come back later when the Watcher’s ‘ere,” Spike cut her off once again. “Nice, er…talkin’ to you.” He practically fled out the door.

“He really is very nice for a vampire,” Anya commented to herself, sitting down in the spot he’d vacated, taking up his bag of chips, and switching channels on the television. “I hope he gets the sexual release he needs soon…”

Buffy flung the door open wide, causing it to crash against the wall with a hard bang. The abrupt disruption of the silence caused the room’s only occupant to flinch at the loud noise.

“We need to have a nice, long talk,” Buffy declared in a no-nonsense manner, stalking over to him, her fists clenched tightly at her sides as she did so.

He inched backwards almost unconsciously.

“I broke up with one Riley Finn earlier this morning,” she began. “He was clingy, boring, and jealous to the point of abusive – although I fortunately never had to experience the full side-effects of that last one. Our relationship didn’t work. It just didn’t. He wasn’t what I wanted, and I wasn’t the meek little girl he needed.” She began pacing back and forth as she spoke. “So I just happened to run across the perfect guy. We hit it off right off the bat. We fell in love almost instantly. Can you guess who this guy was?”

A numb shake of the head.

“Someone Riley hates very, very much. Someone who’s er…ethnic background Riley looks down upon,” she clarified, stomping back over to the door.

She turned back once more to face the frightened counselor.

“So when ‘a concerned student’ says that I’ve been raped and am self destructive, that just means that he’s jealous and over-possessive. You want to put someone through counseling, I suggest you take a good, long look at Riley Finn,” she finished before slamming the door shut behind her.

The stunned counselor sat there in amazement for a second before taking the obviously self-assured and empowered woman’s advice and adding Riley’s name to the list of students to keep an eye on…

CONTINUED...